Mr. Plinkett's Star Trek Picard Review

Star Trek Picard is the most disappointing thing since Star Trek discovery what you wanted something clever so the [ __ ] truth after you're done breaking and entering would you like to join me and make a little scream please just please evaluate the show on its merits everyone has worked so hard and given so much love to this thing [ __ ] this thing is being a born of love please please give it a chance mr. huge anyway hey it's me mr. blanket I'm back and I'm gonna talk about Star Trek Picard I know these two fat clowns talked about it to death so I'll try not to repeat too much if I do please email me and let me know that I don't give two shits at farts dotnet thank you now hate it Johnny dark Trek Picard is neither Star Trek nor Picard it's different and it's not all good let me explain when they first announced this show and Picard came out of the doors you know their doors everybody clapped [ __ ] what jean-luc Picard is back here [ __ ] hubris you think you could just bust back in here and be entrusted with taking men and women into space don't you think I was watching the hollow the other day along with everyone else in the galaxy not have spoken in public we were promised that it wasn't gonna be another string you along violent disgusting embarrassing trash fire like Star Trek discovery they lied people died we were told it would be a show exploring the double character of jean-luc Picard your show changed my life without Star Trek The Next Generation I might not be here and and that lies at the very center of what I have to tell you now jean-luc Picard is back you know and there's elderly senior years living in retirement on his French Vineyard but then they realize that apparently trash sells just look at this garbage they promised us that even though this would be a character study he'd still have many adventures smaller less epic but still adventures maybe he'll enter a winemaking contest with an old adversary or maybe he could put on his Dixon Hill costume and figure out the mystery of who stole the ancient French statue surprise it was Damon go Robert Damon time traveled to 1700s France to hide 1000 bars of gold-pressed latinum inside the statue in order to retrieve it at a future date where it's now increased in value for some reason well Picard finds this out and he's about to call the authorities but turns out that the daemon needed it for his wife's ear cancer treatment they share a laugh and a glass of wine or Picard could reconnect with this lady you're definitely better than you think or this lady or this lady or this lady or this lady I can assure you that I'm not given to casual relationships hey maybe Deanna Troi and Riker come and visit Picard maybe Troi is a few too many glasses of wine and then they all had down to the local French town festival Sarah Troi pretends to be a carnival barker playing the guess my age weight or birth month game time she discovers the local mayor is hiding something and it's not just his age they investigate this and discover that he's planning to seize Picard's vineyard and then bulldoze it in order to make room for a secret illegal wine synthesizing plant disguised as a bakery he's a villain oh my god okay maybe Picard wakes up one morning and discovers that he's in France but in the 1940s under the Nazi occupation he's got to help the French Resistance it falls in love with an elderly lady and eventually they help break a code that helps win World War two Danny realizes it was all a prank played by his old pal Q who says the card you're getting a little lazy in your older years I wanted to see if you're still had it in you they share a laugh and a glass of wine hey maybe we can have an episode about Picard's dog he needs his anal glands expressed so the card calls dr. crusher to help the dog is concerned that a doctor named crusher will be pressing on his anal glands the Carters him she's gentle loving hands to caress and don't squeeze too hard the card and Beverley talk about life and love over a glass of wine she tells him that she's very embarrassed of Wesley's life choices I freaking love this show and that is a horrible sellout we need a couple of things for a good storytelling which is you know catastrophe of course silence f10 maybe her and Picard reconnect in a sexy way but then a time-travel accident brings jack crusher back to life but only for a week before he begins to slowly vanish what does she do does she stay with Picard anything has thoughts does she rekindle her love with her her long dead husband what a dilemma so many smaller fun heartwarming silly Star Trek like stories that could be to all these orchids have had it there will still be 200 Romulan warships who just got more discovery more space violence more dark pointless garbage for BOTS to praise on social media I'm sorry did I say BOTS I meant people real people not BOTS why would I say BOTS I meant real people okay hit it Johnny number one - living nightmare is over [Music] let's recap this [ __ ] first a card is old very very old Patrick Stewart is like 80 but he has the stamina of someone who is a hundred and thirty seven I mean just look at this bride eighty year old he's gone where no man has gone before he just keeps going hello hello William Shatner who's now really in - electric Viking he's on his fifteenth divorce why not make Star Trek Kirk there could be about him searching the galaxy for the greatest and best fitting space girdle of all let me just go and tell bill about my idea oh well I guess I could tell CBS about my dough alas I digress let's grace this paid off so I'm Picard I spent decades feeling bad about how data blew himself what right sorry Oh continues on to the next page blow himself up sorry very welcome I mean let's be honest he did beam Picard out but his sacrifice wasn't just to save Picard's life gave his life to save mine it was more so that if shins on ship fire did kill everyone on the enterprise no one on the enterprise was survived so it wasn't just a you for me self-destruct kind of situation I mean technically he did save Picard but he also saved all of these people to a no one remembers that by no one I mean the writers and producers of this stupid show we've designed it so that if you're coming in cold with no knowledge of Star Trek you're gonna be able to drop in and you should be able to catch them quickly they don't even watch nemesis I think if you're going to watch anything watching an intern watched it for them and just told them that the last time we saw data you saved Picard's life the show is cold Star Trek however the fact that he thought of data as not a human being but as a man nonetheless is part of the reason why he is so haunted by data's death by Diaz having sacrificed his life for Picard I must select an officer to replace dator adopts recommendations someone with super car we discover that he has dreams about data every night cuz he's in love with them he's so old and he's got Romulan tell C our housekeepers that like him because Picard tried to save Romulans they needed Starfleet's help to get Romulans off Romulus because it was gonna get destroyed by a supernova created by JJ Abrams he needed ships Starfleet didn't want to spare any of their ships they don't have a lot of them and the Ron is don't have any ships to spare either but who cares the details aren't important barely anything from this Romulan evacuation plot really connects with anything else I mean it's sort of does but it's more of a setup or a backstory for a larger story about nothing I guess the story is about the redemption of the worst actress in the world danger we don't want anyone else to get hurt who is it I'm in here I didn't call maintenance today okay the second worst actress in the world to see what's really important on this show are the characters the great 1-dimensional I mean doubtful characters like Rafi Rafi had a son who doesn't like her which we discover in one episode and then it's never brought up again he doesn't forgive her at the end and decided to let her be a grandma to his his baby and then captain Rios captain Rios on a starship and it's this character and this character he is a sword and he wants to help Picard or he just really likes [ __ ] cutting people with the sword I guess he was a mad at Picard because Picard left him when he was like five and then didn't come back till he was like like 20 or something hello so it's really mad at first and then he wasn't mad because he thought hey this is a great opportunity to kill people with a sword what a great character and then there's this character oh no literally oh that's what you think about when you see that character oh and then there's an ERISA ERISA on narak Marisa she's pretty doubtful when we peel away the layers of depth fulness to her character all there's as evil I guess that's it anyway let's move on number two the story basic movies storytelling says that in a good script no scene should be wasted it's so interesting no line of dialogue should be unmotivated tomato every action should push things along explain something or have some importance suddenly have something like Star Trek Picard but wait you say Star Trek Picard is a TV show no it's essentially a 10 hour long movie we pay admission to watch Star Trek Picard in each episode runs into the next so if it weren't for the stupid credits it'd be one long movie you know our show really the first three episodes of the first act you know so you really the pilot is really the first three episodes technically it's a seven hour and 28 minute long movie when you remove the opening credits the end credits the previously on and on the next Star Trek Picard but anyway no that's really very important so I don't know why I brought it up so what's this movie show about what's the message never again kill somebody just because it's ultimately what I got from the first season was something so simple and trial is my katka rotor so the moral of the story was mortality I gave you a choice not being the destroyer was up to you or choice my swatch we're learning not to fear the unknown or wrecks it the wrong side of brexit or illegal immigrants at ROM or bitcoins 9/11 was an inside job or build the wall or don't build the wall and see flow or medicare-for-all or LGBTQ rights factory farming is bad or Wall Street or our old privileged White's are bad it's in cages capitalism socialism egan rights insurance companies are bad odour cycle rights i blinds snow pipelines free-range chicken my local and organic big pharma climate change rain forest is burning australia still burning rotavirus elder abuse stock market know something the lesson that I learned was to [ __ ] fear people that were different than me and that gays are psychopaths is that what they were going for if so they succeeded good job I think it is anyway so data saved Picard so Picard tried to save so G not saver in a physical sense but I guess save her quote humanity make her realized that she could be something more when actually shouldn't give in to fear sutra was pushing fear and so g was buying it it was kind of like how people gave in to the fear of androids because it was totally reasonable to do so dude creeps me out hmm he can hear you I mean they blew up an entire planet killing 93 thousand people and they all seem totally gung ho for killing all life in the universe what's not to be scared of Picard pleaded with Shoji to make the choice to not allow the robotic space octopus from a dimensional [ __ ] to kill everyone in the universe I guess she learned something because Picard made a sacrifice I have something I want to give you and your people my life the god out flying a ship I've heard into space and making copies of it all the while he was having conveniently timed brain trauma guess it's kind of scary that Shoji even considered that [ __ ] for a moment don't the Romulans turn you into the monsters they fear oh come on and join the crew then at the end we learned that data is just like the audience he just wants to die when you leave I would be profoundly grateful if you terminated my consciousness and then Picard's brain disease acts up and kills him at the right exact dramatic moment and I guess they make a robot version of him I'm skipping right to the end from a convenient Gollum Android body that was ready to be imprinted with memory engrams is it poetic irony the Picard ultimately becomes an Android the race he fought so hard to overweight that was a Romulans I did try to save the Romulans before kiyah he taped her an end or Romulan to try and reunite them with the Vulcans but as far as androids go Picard only really liked data I find myself in complete agreement with that assessment of the situation sir and he didn't know about these Manson called freaks until the end but Sinai's an Android but he's still old but he's like exactly the same you haven't made me morning and they made a mortal - we designed a cellular homeostasis algorithm that should give you more or less the same number of years you would have expected without the brain condition when he's got none of the advantages that an Android has we still all look exactly the same age they make it so they'll get winded going up three steps - they make us [ __ ] knees and back hurt him as well so goddamn tired our bot is enlarged prostate his housekeepers jokingly call him p-card cuz he urinates all night long Agnes he's a shrink his prostate did you kill his shingles virus like he killed Bruce Maddox anyway and zombie Picard is also programmed to die as well why yes it doesn't want to be immortal maybe they could have asked them all these questions do you want a giant [ __ ] reminded another 10 you are secure your erectile dysfunction - I'm better knees want some Botox Barry I remember when Troy pointlessly mentioned how her son had a silicon-based brain disease it's a silicon-based virus it's very rare and in theory completely curable but only an Android could have cured I mean you could have had dr. Tsung uses massive intelligence to figure out a cure for Picard's brain disease you know by combining human therapeutics with Android ones this new methodology would have been a wonderful healing tool for the humans and synths and open a new chapter in their coexistence then Picard wouldn't be a zombie Android clone for season two you know whatever Jesus you think Troy's comments were at least a setup for something [ __ ] this show it says ready it's a mesh eye a hundred percent agree with you number three the end is the beginning so now that this sit show is finally done and we have answers to all the quote mysteries that were presented we can finally reverse engineer this trainwreck so let's jump from the ending back to the beginning because now we can without doubt dodging so dear the central point of this show they her the reason for all the conflict that make this plot limp along so basically we start off the show with this scene by finishing the season of the show we understand that the shot vash want one and only crucial piece of information gotta kill the sense where is that Sint the homeworld apparently that's where all the synths are in the galaxy so then the Brahmans can find in carpet-bombing but why does this robotic evil octopus get upset by the existence of synths made by other races to applying a variant of the Drake Equation it would probably result in maybe a hundred or a thousand other races having made androids or currently making them look maybe a million other races the galaxy is a very big place Ord carpet-bombing soon Junior's little planet really stopped this space octopus ort exactly is the range of a space octopus like a quadrant or or the galaxy or the universe cloud composition mr. Spock 12 power energy field power thanks Spock thanks for telling us just how big the vid your cloud is it helps me to understand the threat that measures 12th power energy thank sex pervert thousands of starships couldn't generate that oh wait wait wait Agnes just said that no one makes sense anymore no one makes sense anymore of any kind it's a violation of galactic treaty it's a violation of galactic treaty it's a violation of galactic treaty yeah okay so there's a treaty that applies to the whole galaxy a lack of treaty sir everyone will abide by that you know because they're it's androids went nuts blew up Mars I'm sure the glorg on Empire 30,000 light-years away that use androids to mine their spaceship fuel will be happy to stop making androids unacceptable risk you know cuz go after the treaty it's a violation of black of treaty just say galactic treaty a lack of treaty who signed it the lack of treaty where is it extend to the lack of treaty don't think about it a lack of treaty after treaty don't think about it it's a galactic treaty the lack of treaty it's a treaty let's go act it the nature a lack of treaty applies to the galaxy a lack of treaty and that's a treaty so nobody makes sense anymore a lack of treaty focus your attention on one plot this one [Music] don't think about logic I failed don't worry makes androids anymore nobody shouldn't the lack of Treaty nobody nobody nobody nobody nobody nobody cuz there's a galactic treaty what if there's like a hospital somewhere like a planet in the Federation where they have Android like doctors kind of like EMHS you know Federation comes in and we have this like like giant hospital with like a million patients in it and and we have we have 10,000 androids that see to their care because they have just like like long-term illness can we still have our androids now now Galactic treaty galactic treaty the lack of treaty can't have androids cuz Mars's atmosphere exploded okay well I mean all these patients are gonna die this life a million patients that are gonna die galactic treaty but I digress let's not think too much we only need our brains for this tear-jerking scene at the end of the season data says he loves butterflies keep quiet and stay subscribed to CBS all that so anyway they need this one piece of information from dodge or so gee forget which one is which now in this scene the ultra secret Romulan shot Vash use the method that works the best in the spy business brute force while seemingly having an overwhelming advantage the Beeman to dodge his apartment kill her boyfriend with a knife then literally grab her and yell at her these questions totally confuse her as it should so their next step is to quote knock her out not by stunning her for putting her in a stasis field or a force field or even transporting her out of the room but by putting a bag over her head because you know androids need to breathe underwater what it doesn't breathe but I uh I guess she's a woman Android and they didn't really put a bag over her head so that they didn't have to do a face replacement I'm the stunt person doing all the fight choreography that's not why why would you say that romulans even showed up with the knowledge that she could quote activate at any moment and kill them all so they want about this in the worst way possible and I guess nobody came looking for where this guy went huh I remember when the Romulans kidnapped Geordi LaForge and turned him into a spy what did they do well they surprised him beamed him aboard strapped him to a chair they even sent a look-alike of him to his conference Romulans are good at the spy game and the torture game they didn't beam on to Geordi shuttlecraft and biker costumes and beat the [ __ ] out of them and then go back and meticulously clean up their mess too could have waited until she was alone beamed her into a holding cell with a level-10 force field and very slowly attempted to get the information from her now they'll have a private talk but they chose this method instead Oh intriguing how mysterious it's just like a Bourne Identity movie can I just mention though that her boyfriend really needs to see a dermatologist Oh later in the show captain Rios tells us of another incident with the town see our jaw wash or whatever and with the sense that happened years before this and this was at the direction of Commodore all even the [ __ ] leader of the shot vash apparently two synthetics on a tiny spaceship left their magical flower disco planet and met up with Rios and his Federation starship diamond dude Medusa so they wouldn't blow up the image for no reason at all and one of the androids was named beautiful flower beautiful flower and the other one looked like Shoji her and her sister were like earlier versions of Shoji so anyway I guess the two synthetics were being totally diplomatic and everything was going great until Commodore all told captain Vandermeer to kill them both and of course he does it without questioning anything a few hours later alonzo abandoned their cousin both in cold blood but wait Oh didn't care where they came from being a super-secret spy she didn't tell captain Vandermeer to you know Kourt them diplomatically line him and dynam maybe ask him casually where they're from I mean they presented themselves with an olive branch and didn't seem too shy I just instantly have them murdered takes them both out with two good pops in the face your goal is to find their home planet find more of them what did they do it their little spaceship they came on tiny ship even after you murdered them Oh Curtis at vandemere beam over to their little spaceship and download their flight logs see where they've been and where they came from you know information is currency in the secret spy business right but I guess I gave Rios's backstory as to why so moody and dark space Jim Morrison needs to grow a pair Ryker didn't seem bothered at all that him and his old captain killed their entire crew on accident look at him playing his trombone laughing hosting card games being a total slot [Music] I mean c'mon Rios get over it the [ __ ] is wrong with you this also leads to a bit of information that these two androids are since or whatever were created by Bruce Maddox and soon jr. the son of Noonien Soong we never know he had presumably these androids were made on the disco planet right force Maddox left earth right after the ban no one was able to find him for 14 years maybe he went to this planet with the two red moons and resumed his work creating synthetic life-forms but an episode 3 when we meet Maddox he says the Tal Shiar destroyed his lab from the Tal Shiar came for me he says they used a molecular solvent to destroy the entire lab they used some kind of molecular solvent to destroy the entire facility literally okay so was this a different lab than the one in the disco planet these were Maddux's old quarters yes was it also a different lab than the one where him and hak nasaw baking cookies I assume that was at the daystrom Institute remember Agnes said that's where the cents were created that destroyed Mars the androids that destroyed Mars came from this lab but if his lab was destroyed there's no evidence of that everything looks fine to me which lab where was that at so Maddox in addition to working with some junior on the disco planet when he was in hiding also had another robotics lab somewhere else besides de strim but just the assaut G was created 37 months ago probable age 37 months which is like what three years 37 months 36 months so yeah three years okay got it stop scanning everything they're gonna come up 37 months - you still have all this childhood [ __ ] why does she still have a teddy bear from when she was four cymatics made her three years ago on the disco planet with other children of data because they make twins from one of datas neurons as agnes explains his theory was the data's entire code even his memories could be reconstituted from a single positronic neuron cymatics was there he was here and he was at a lab that was destroyed by the Tal Shiar there's not flash or the whatever chases this guy really gets around how hard would it be to just follow him around in a cloak ship let him lead you to the robot planet he's apparently not that hard to find this this is so unexpected Bruce Maddox is on free cloud free cloud maybe do that instead of orchestrating a synth band by creating a giant terrorist attack azad facher terrible spies but wait there's more after a boyfriend is killed and after she killed the Romulan assassins dodge flees her apartment imagine if she had just called the cops or whatever authority figures would come to her aid she'd be like look why didn't they beam up the bodies whoever's doing the beaming why didn't they beam up the bodies check out their biker helmets oh my god they're Romulans call Starfleet call an emergency meeting of the Federation Council Romulans are doing secret spy [ __ ] on earth get their gear and analyze it get your best tech guy in here what they made secret subspace calls to commodore all but instead she flees like true film noir i mean Star Trek I guess she flood cuz the whole incident really spooked her but she also fled because she saw a vision of Picard now why didn't she see a vision of Picard was it just because the plot needed them to meet up or is it because her brain was made from datas positrons and data loved Picard I never knew what a friend was until I met Geordi he spoke to me as though I were human so life data it can't be activated a deactivated simply data you were the key to this entire mystery and you I think block my every attempt to solve it why you fighting me he treated me no differently from anyone else data is not capable of the emotions which you're assigning he accepted me for what I am by my calculations we no longer have sufficient momentum to clear the debris field Thank You mr. data and that I have learned is friendship I call it code to spot felis catus is your taxonomic moment wasn't she also see this though or this or this or this or this or this or this or this I guess I'm just not understanding why she saw a card does mystery many aspects of this situation are puzzling to me I guess what she calls her mother she tells her to go back to Picard and Dodge is like I never saw isawful car how'd you know that now clearly this wasn't a real mother or even a real person just some kind of computer program drive that computer program no estas just talking to herself did Bruce Maddox hardwire dodges brain to run to Picard for help if she ever got activated if so why Picard because Picard loves data Maddox met Picard like 40 years ago and he was his adversary I don't understand the connection Oh it's cuz it had to happen in the TV show how about if dogs have forgot activated her brain is hardwired to return to the home planet for a debriefing to remember one Noonien Soong put that hidden program and data and Loris brains to return to him if he ever activated it remotely they turned into a super badass and hijacked the enterprise in like two minutes enter code one seven three four six seven three two one four seven six Charlie three two seven eight nine seven seven seven six four three tango seven three two Victor seven three one one seven eight eight eight seven three two four seven six seven eight nine seven six four three 76 lock computer begins scan phase a white I should program to be quote activated at all I guess it's for self defense in case the Tal Shiar tries to kill her this new Maddox says he sent so gene dodge out into the galaxy to find out the real reason behind the synth ban same reason I sent her sister I'll tell you the real reason it's because sense went crazy and blew up Mars but he thinks there's something more sinister they're hiding something don't know like maybe something about a robotic space octopus or he's not quite sure why would he think there's anything more to it where's the evidence of that sorry since dodge to earth and solji to the Borg cube can't you both cube off with implanted fake backstories my question is all these androids all know that their androids and live on a little commune so gene dodge appear to be some of the first androids that look and feel human you know no gold skin or fake robot gold eyes like deta had I mean there's a couple other ones there but but not a lot so if his goal was to have them discover the secret reason behind the ban I essentially blindfold them with these fake memories why not implicitly tell them to go out and act like you're a cybernetic scientist and use your skills as a secret Android to find out information cuz mystery box or I mean since you sent Sol G to the Borg cube clearly you suspect Romulan involvement why not make a Romulan Android and infiltrate the shot Vash to get information it makes more sense than making an Android that looks like a terrible actress I mean a naive young woman Romulans are into this whole situation with the space octopus and the synth band and there's not Vash etc could all have been handled simply logically and straightforward but if you as a writer dip your knife into a jar filled with pointless mystery slather it all over smear at all all over every episode it all becomes vague and confusing and it looks more complicated than it really is this kind of trick will work on the weak-minded you see it's all in one set a straight line is the shortest distance between two points first story goes like this without any real or logical reason I mean there's nothing wrong with some twists and turns as long as they make sense why do you need me there's nothing makes sense then it all boils down to what it really is terrible misleading an awful story telling just listen to some of these lines I came because the same lightning that got me out of there alive led me here why these are some real vague humdingers anything yet for the secrets secret now might be a good time to reveal the secret players Romulans love secrets the only reliable keepers of Secrets it's a bit redundant you could put the word secret in front of almost any aspect of Romulan culture secret plan e a secret to keep a secret so profound everything romulans do a secret secret Romulans assassins are operating on earth is hiding something whether they know I don't know you might be right do you know how no look Dodgers sister is in grave danger she may already be dead you see my friends there are many plot threads in the stupid [ __ ] show most of these threads go nowhere or fall out when they're pulled on or vanish once they happen never to be thought of again and this is when I go back to just the very first episode but did all 10 episodes we'd be here until the corona virus pandemic is over so I can't and won't question every decision every plot point every moment every line of dialogue because we'll all go crazy as the Machine given up the location of its fellow abominations one thing though is very clear this show's producers let's call them the for embarrassing horse people of the Apocalypse Kurtzman Goldsman Bayer and Shaye bond they created this show with one goal in mind to make a show that's the worst show ever it's a story about emotion and life and what it does to you and how things don't always turn out the way you were hoping they will and what do you do about it once you realize that there's a lot of emotion we were trying to get it it's always been about hope and equality and inclusion and I've heard a lot of women say oh my god he's like the sexiest captain that's you know a fact but also to keep you subscribed to get the dumbots to this teary-eyed moment it's a beautiful moment so really beautifully written scene about why he wants to die much like discovery shoveled junk down your throat to get you to this teary-eyed moment - it's very easy to trick stupid emotional people but it's hard to please a truly intelligent audience you want to watch an actual smart show about synths watch West world cuz this it's a [ __ ] joke unmitigated disaster number four let's wade through this Jacuzzi filled with diarrhea now I understand that a lot of you watching this review may not have actually seen Star Trek Picard so go through it quickly very quickly but I don't have time to explain all the Star Trek stuff so if you're a little confused I'm sorry go read a book or something these two people who love him very dearly are able to point out to him that in dealing with Shoji he's never been a father before and he's really bad at it and he's treating Shoji like another officer on his ship and he's no longer the captain and she doesn't work for him and this isn't just a very long drought is it father a girl life the Romulans and synth BAM okay so the Romulans son is going to go supernova Romulans have traditionally been the bad guys so most of the galaxy said good riddance if the point has not yet been made clearly commander let me make it again Romulan warships do not enter Federation space unless they are prepared to do battle but Picard says hey let's help them slowly does help he takes a bunch of Romulans to a dusty Wild West planet and I guess a first wave of evacuations yes of course but in three days I have to be in Central Station to meet the next convoy because then they later say that they're building more ships for the evacuation on Utopia Planitia so I guess Picard did it once so I guess the second he needs it again evacuate sometime will it continue of course it must because Picard befriends some Romulan warrior nuns that we never see again and also a kid for no reason at all later when the kid is all grown up he plunges his sword to pro cards mission which means he does nothing but murder people pointlessly dining abandoned spur card for another hopeless cause which is to protect few I guess he really likes hopeless causes hopeless causes means he gets to murder people with the sword but wait Picard already had ultra-efficient assassins that bout to protect him home I guess they stayed home to keep an eye on the grapes no one bought the tau CR could ever protect you against the house y'all she's not wrong but you have to stay here with her the grapes are far more in need of protection than iron and it's less than a month to the harvest why wouldn't they our [ __ ] it but then since attack Mars at the worst possible time and blow up the shipyards building ships that are meant for a Romulan evacuation they hacked the brain of this robot synth right here and he tells all the other since to kill everyone and blow up everything the sole plan was done by the secret half-vulcan half-human spy Commodore oh who somehow is the head of Starfleet security she burrows into Starfleet Rises through the ranks and becomes head of security what they don't vet people in the 24th century the logical course is that I transport aboard your ship and begin the negotiate [Music] what [Music] but spy also after so much time Picard decides that this is the crusade he must go on to save Romulans what the hell was he doing when Starfleet put the stamp of approval on slavery now sooner or later this man or others like him will succeed in replicating commander data not if we use synthetic labor all synthetic life-forms are banned throughout the Federation effective immediately the decision you reach here today will determine how we will regard this creation of our genus it will reveal the kind of a people we are what he is destined to be it will reach far beyond this courtroom and this one Android it could significantly redefine the boundaries of personal liberty and freedom expanding them for some savagely curtailing them for others the androids that destroyed Mars came from this lab are you prepared to condemn him and all who come after him to servitude and slavery not if we use synthetic labor it was really quite an passion - bought it before so why did the shot vos choose this particular point in time for their Mars attack do they even know what the hidden scent disco planet yet for that it had the ability to build a space laser to let in the evil robot octopus as the robot octopus really such a threat that it needs to be let into our universe via a device that we build for it would seem that framing since the mass murder would rock the boat so to speak maybe even get the attention of the evil robot space octopus why not just quietly look for the secret synth planet it wasn't too hard for our heroes to find Bruce Maddox I found Maddox he's literally sitting in a public place this lady found him too so unexpected lady that looks like Deanna Troi but wait why not just use your super secret spy agencies to wipe synth sound why frame synths for murder when you can just hack into their brains and literally make them kill themselves why instead of attacking the Mars Autopia Phoenicia shipyards they didn't just attack each other so the sense via a robot communication into their brains that they should shoot each other you know like they dare on Westworld so during this big horrendous 9/11 style attack created the synth band wouldn't that just force some synths into hiding which would make your job more difficult which is exactly what happened did the octopus not care about the mindless slaves since also I mean I know the rottens are by nature secretive but given the states why not share this information about the evil space octopus with the Federation they're like hey guys this terrible [ __ ] thing could happen if we all make a bunch of sense how about we stop doing that just look for yourselves okay there's this electrical ring on this planet and maybe you could kind of build a device that touches the laser and Cirque we're having it by our hands which which makes you want to claw your [ __ ] eyes out or shoot yourself in the head some kind of Starfleet technical genius could figure out how to download the information that's in this electrical ring you know because grabbing it is really [ __ ] dangerous wonder how it works why don't you try and find out I'd like to know a little bit more about it before I try it I don't know I could do anything else in this universe also data was fairly well known during his heyday you the Android even this Romulan knew about him as did his non-existent Romulan cyberneticist friends have you never noticed is the complete absence of any form of artificial life in Romulan culture I know a host of Romulan cyberneticist that would love to be this close to you we don't have androids array eyes we don't study cybernetics they think the shot vas would have been on the case to blow up data ASAP and murder dr. Noonien song so he stops making so many data's and robot wives you know given that there's not Vash was around for like a thousand years or whatever we the shot Vash were born for hundreds of years since we have worked in shadow to prevent a second coming and their sole purpose in life was to squash synthetic life Dana was floating around for 25 years also someone warned Harry mod took out robot ladies you're in trouble also look out robot guy and watch her back discovery robot lady well I guess she died right she got infected by like a Yvonne nano AI robot something and she [ __ ] the killed herself or Michael Brown was trying to save her so she didn't kill herself well whatever where do we begin on the world the humans called Mars why why what the hell are you talking about I don't yet fully understand all of it so the Ramones or the Java or whatever decide that they should have the since attack Mars during the evacuation of their homeworld you know when their son is about to go supernova which will do nothing but disrupt the rescue process graphy why would the Romulans attack a fleet built expressly to rescue them I can't answer that why not attack a different location where synths are being used as slave labor the dilithium mine factory making medical equipment or or on earth in a restaurant or somewhere else other than the place that's building ships for your [ __ ] rescue evacuation also why is it up to the Federation to build ships don't the Romulans have shipyards can't they build ships too we're not totally helpless you know or pull off the old Mars attack after every Romulan is safely accounted for and on other planets then seemed to me a rush was there any indication that the robot space octopuses attack was imminent I know the lady called the prophecy the news but was there a specific date I don't recall one maybe it was in these vague tarot cards so because of the attack on Mars Picard can no longer help the Romulans the second time I failed you won't which makes them all mad at Picard because he had nothing to do with since attacking Mars they did the Romulans were behind the attack on Mars I guess he tried but he didn't try hard enough he's not strong because he could literally do nothing and after a while none of this Romulan relocation [ __ ] matters anymore because the Romulans are also working on the board reclamation site so in addition to the stress of being space refugees and having to secret organizations trying to stop a galactic apocalypse the Romulans have also converted a damaged offline Borg cube into some kind of research laboratory or hospital now this particular Borg cube quote broke when it tried to assimilate this lady our shot box laid you touched a magical electric ring that foretold of the dangers of having androids I guess the danger is a rapid collection of stock footage images and a sixty-year-old public domain film of a fox decomposing I saw that when I was in grade school oh my god it's so scary I'm surprised they didn't put this in there or footage from Night of the Living Dead oh wait they did oh my god how embarrassing so that's what motivates the shot Vash the scary images of a earth exploding that's narrated by Siri an alliance of synthetic life watching you waiting for your signal come you will have our protection oh my god I got a claw my eyes out now I'm so [ __ ] scared couldn't this just be a prank I'll take it for face value though I'll yeah I'm just gonna kill myself or call my eyes out no I guess only the strongest minds can handle this imagery it's kind of like when Sauron was forced to watch a bunch of disturbing [ __ ] when he was younger which made him want to go into the Nexus as seen in this cut sequence from Star Trek generations but as it turns out this electricity ring wasn't meant for people at all it was meant for Androids was to tell androids what a space octopus would do to people if those people that made the androids made them in the first place all right it's like androids are great kill all the organics what a twist so what's the purpose of this board reclamation project anyway at first it's a little confusing at second it's a little confusing finally a third is totally pointless and confusing it looks to be a general philanthropic endeavor in fact a former Borg and human is in charge is the director of a Romulan project that's top-secret I would never have believed it assimilation could be undone this scale yes it's not top secret because it's sort of in cooperation with the Federation scientific research and maybe other worlds too we see all kinds of people working on this thing humans and Dorian's the Irish what regard is able to just beam over because he got diplomatic credentials from this lady so I guess there definitely is some kind of Federation involvement but whenever we see the Borg cube it's always accompanied by spooky music only only see hundreds of Romulan ships so remember when the Federation hated and mistrusted the Romulans so much that they didn't want to save their species the Romulans were our own enemies and we tried to help them for as long as we could you think they'd insist on having a few starships floating around this Borg project yeah because it's not wise to leave your mortal enemy all alone with super sophisticated alien technology that once belonged to your other mortal enemy you know just in case oh my god they're up to no good who would have thought they're profiting from extracted Borg time apart from the current owners and the profits you extract from the exploitation of Borg technology and the profits you extract from a dead race property that's not yours what sounds like some kind of prime directive violation why is the Federation any part of this whoever thought that the Romulans were up to no good maybe I agree with Admiral [ __ ] and the evil star fleets decision not to want to save this awful race I mean they're doing shady things they killed 19,000 people in an attack to frame since they're all pretty [ __ ] ungrateful to Captain Picard for saving all their lives I guess this nuns okay aye because housekeepers are all right I guess but should our mole [ __ ] face might have a point these people really are all sneaky and terrible it's just that growing up in the sect they're taught to always tell the truth and that's kind of the difference between him every other room Yulin I'm learning to become a racist by watching this show thanks alex kurtzman so while it would seem that this Borg cube situation would be some kind of Romulan plot story-wise it was really just they're so American Nerissa could slowly trick Shoji into telling them where the synth home planet was but that eventually seven of nine shows up for no reason takes over the Borg cube gets really mad when Marissa kills all the boards and then the cube was pulled down to the planet by a giant space flower where it just sits there then seven of nine sits around and does nothing but I guess to have a cliched action catfight with Nerissa gosh it's 2020 aren't we past quote girl fights as a society yet Jesus what is this 1990 [Music] [Music] [ __ ] one of the great strengths of Star Trek is diversity and powerful women it just comes naturally to this universe it's all about the optimism that you can find when you think about humans which sometimes can be tricky to get to but in the context of this universe you're just optimistic that aspirational side of it has always been amazing just in my head and get another one I guess she was mad and Nerissa killed Hugh which is why they thought she knew that maybe somebody told her maybe the psycho guy told her with the swords I honestly think they forgot to shoot a scene where she was told that I mean clearly this line was added later in post just watch seven of nines mouth when she begins her line so I guess her being angry about Hugh dying gave her motivation for murdering Nerissa - that seven of nine even know Hugh that was a different show I guess she learned a lesson at the end because she tells Rios that killing people for revenge is bad never again kill somebody just because banks are loading dad in sixth grade this one one seven of nine kicks Marissa off a cliff letting her fall to her death she's killing off another either former or potential future lover she'll have to be lesbian with the elderly drug addict wasn't seven of nine lovers with Chakotay and other men on Voyager - and Raffy had a son so I guess being gay really is a choice just like all those Christian pastors told me or maybe one women reach a certain age they just switched to lesbian hmm I always thought it was the way you were born gosh this show is teaching me so many things like being gay is a choice and also the fear and hate people who aren't like me but wait maybe they're bisexual or pansexual maybe mostly everyone is bisexual in the future certainly wisely was he was in love with Ashley Judd and this creepy old guy I've waited a long time for this moment Wesley and microphone love with the person with no gender at all commander there are no he's or she's in the species without gender looks like a human evolution thing you know two three hundred years from now went to genderless creatures when I turned 50 like seven of nine I'm gonna fall in love with an elderly black lady I'm not 7/9 done with that maybe she's gonna go bang Rios as long as nobody's into kids as long as the evolutionary process doesn't go that way I'm alright with all of this you got it I mean things could have gone real bad when Picard was trapped in that elevator I'm sorry if this is really God say know what I'm gonna propose a challenge to Kurtzman Shay bond buyer and Goldsman or whoever's working on season two here we go ready make Picard gay you're a cutie full of charm doitsu [ __ ] [ __ ] do it a double dog dare you I know he's like an Android now but he's a human ish Android everything works like so Jesus was [ __ ] Eric so I mean it's not like data even though data was fully functional but these these new human Androids can [ __ ] so make Picard gay bring an Ian McKellen and have him and Patrick Stewart be super gay I have ideas I could totally think of another use for a bottle of Chateau Picard don't be passive progressive like Disney and make pointless lesser characters gay no one gives two shits of seven of mine as a lesbian for these guys this character [ __ ] good for them go for the [ __ ] goal make your main character gay I dare you do it make Captain Picard gay you [ __ ] cowards or someone might say make it so gay engage per card since and the doomsday scenario so our last chunk of the show deals with Picard and the storyline with Shoji dodge and data and Picard's ultimate fate to pointlessly become an Android zombie clone now this felt slapped on but I don't think it was if you look closely it's predicted in the opening credits sequence we see the two data positrons and they slowly turn into a DNA strand and then start to form Picard's eyeball and then finally construct the cards head he's broken down dies and is resurrected he's the real space Jesus take that Darth Vader he [ __ ] fraud anyway so D and Dodge are twin sisters because they have to clone since from DNA in pairs we see lots of twins on the space hippy planet we meet sutra the sister of jonah was the sin that rios former captain murdered i guess this is why she's a bit pissy and doesn't like people make sense so Mara docks is planned to send out dodging Shoji does indeed attract unwanted attention I warned him that his plan might draw unwanted attention what a plan Sutra convinces so G that organics are bad and that she should eradicate all life in the universe so that these scents can live in peace Shoji eventually agrees and says sure why not robot space octopus let's do it and all plot lines finally converge our heroes put a bomb in a soccer ball in a bungled attempt to blow up the tower about to shoot a blue laser into the sky that will let in a robotic space octopus through an interdimensional a saw earlier Picard persuaded Admiral potty-mouth [ __ ] to send a fleet to the robot planet which eventually she does and it's led for no reason at all by Riker who looks like he ate a few too many pizzas he doesn't even fret in the captain's chair he's got a lean on one side because he's got humble anyway Lina addresses the wrong Islands he says he's acting captain William Wright acting captain Will Riker in command of the USS Shanghai we have to say acting captain to her I guess he's got to be able to farm land by the rules no cause it's not still officially in Starfleet or he's on Reserve or something he's got to be sure to tell the Romulan fleet that he's acting captain they don't even know what that means it sounds like he's he doesn't know what he's doing he's acting capped its like I'm an intern captain stand down Romulan war fleet I'm I'm the acting captain I'm not even a real one there that's just shaking and your Romulan space boots conversely out of 10 million Romulan ships why does Commodore all have to be in command why does she even answer the viewscreen general their flagship is hailing us this totally blows her cover and she's exposed as a spy general or Commodore or whatever you're calling yourself she probably spent decades working up to the head of Starfleet security why not let somebody else talk while she hides in the bathroom you know just in case does Riker immediately calls her out on it why not let this guy talk anyway Riker Towser he's on the bridge of the toughest fastest most powerful ships Starfleet has ever put into service looks to me he's on the bridge of a recycled set from Star Trek discovery but anyways flagship is the same ship as all the other ships Jesus Christ how lazy is this show I mean they made one CGI model and copy pasted it no this is another nitpick but I don't care Starfleet is not a bunch of f-18 fighter jets it's an exploratory Navy essentially I mean back in the original series they had nothing but the Constitution class ships really I mean I get it they had to build models and could probably only afford to build one but even when they're still doing Star Trek with physical models they understood the need for different types and classes of starships Starfleet wasn't a uniformed war or motto an attack fleet huge fleet movements weren't very common because the ships are spread out all over the galaxy you know seeking out new life and new civilizations some ships were science vessels research ships escorts ships made for diplomatic missions ships made to tow other ships it's like a real Navy which is lying the Dominion War II of a whole mess of different ships involved in fleet actions certainly Miranda clash ships weren't meant for war I mean clearly but even though Starfleet ships at offensive and defensive capabilities they all had to be used in the war out of necessity I don't know maybe in 20 years Starfleet changed so much that it just said let's make a fleet of nothing but one uniform type of warship [ __ ] it my guess is that the show was cutting costs by using one model and they thought that the crying internet bots wouldn't notice I'm sorry did I say Russian BOTS purchased by CBS to post fake comments of praise I meant to say real people keep screwing that up for some reason so anyway it's come to this and I'm shocked there wasn't a huge battle I mean they're kind of was with the flowers but it wasn't very exciting done rancor literally says I'm gonna kick your ass nothing would make me happier than you giving me an excuse to kick your treacherous cows er ass I even know what to say about that he makes total sense and then Khalid or all just gives up and leaves now you'd think considering the dire consequence aka the total destruction of all life in the universe and having this exact moment been the culmination of her entire life as a secret spy last our great work is nearly at an end she might have said [ __ ] it let's fight I mean the synth compound was literally only one house in California Gerald they appear to be concentrated once settled they even say it how possible would it have been for just one Romulan disruptor beam to slip through the battle and blow up the whole synth house [Music] the house has been obliterated but I guess she leaves maybe it's just a saber own house what a dedicated super secret organization so at the end of this confrontation Picard says I've got it from here and then instantly the Federation ships all leave all of them shouldn't they have like waited an hour to what's to stop the Romulan fleet from instantly returning when they see all the Federation ships are gone to work right back there drop a bomb in the house the house has been obliterated I couldn't bring myself to do it before but I think I'm gonna have to finally talk about it the sex-toy now here's where things really got lazy or weird or terrible I'm not sure I wish I could say that this thing was set up way earlier in the series or they spent an entire episode about where they got this magical MacGuffin or who made it well they fought hard to get it steal it trade for it but now it's slapped in earlier in literally the same episode so Raffi gets this thing from an Android to help fix the ship the Android tells her to use her imagination so weird I guess that this is some kind of weird alien magical device that's beyond our understanding and that we could use our mind's eye to magically fix things or do anything Ringo puts the device on his hand and turns the vibrator on and says fix my ship then I guess instead of putting it back into a safe place he randomly leaves it on the control station for anyone to find later where you know Agnes finds it conveniently right out her bro card says the only way to stall the Romulans is to make their ship look like they have a hundred ships to that Agnes says only we have some wacky fundamental field replicator with a Naropa Tomic interface sour big shit-eating grin is to imply that somehow she knows what this device is how to use it okay that's weird for a lady who's never been to space before space turns out to be super boring to go figure what were you expecting but I guess she's heard of this and knows how to use it well Who am I to argue that this Harry Potter sex toy is in pretty common knowledge so now that the Romulans have killed all the space flowers this diversion by Agnes in the sex toy hold off the Romulan fleet from attacking for exactly one minute and 19 seconds until Starfleet finally shows up now Commodore o told all 200-plus warbirds to target the abominations nest with planets sterilization pattern 5 ready planetary sterilization pattern number 5 okay so like even though the Romulan weapons were firing all willy-nilly like just a minute ago when she calls for planets sterilization pattern 5 it takes all this time to charge everything up I mean come on you're just blowing up a moderately sized house in Southern California the house has been obliterated do you really need sterilization pattern 5 I think a number 3 would do just fine or even a 2 for Christ's sake or how about she just yells ignore all opposition all warbirds fire it well on the planet we must blow up the synth compound at all costs what's with all this pointless doomsday weapon buildup [ __ ] sterilize the entire planet the house has been obliterated oh I know cuz it's terrible writing and you even credit these people as writers hubbub are firs slappers or poopers I don't even know anymore I'm so embarrassed for everyone involved in this trainwreck at least train wrecks have a purpose at least some people found this show's ending emotional that's all they talk about the cheap emotional scene with data Oh can I say people I meant BOTS kind of ironic isn't the show's biggest fans are robots impersonating people uh listen I mean just for what it's worth as somebody who's in the audience who is invested in it I'm loving it that's great number five questions so I tried to cover the show as best as I could without making this video 500 hours long this show leaves you with so many more questions than answers but it doesn't matter it moves along at warp speed with pieces of it falling off along the way as long as you could make it to the end to watch the tear-jerking scene of data asking Picard to kill him you'll be okay you'll cry you'll have so many emotions not me I got questions edit Johnny how do you kill an Android by simply stabbing it in the eye remember this or this or this data hearted Picard ask her about her necklace that's an unusual necklace because she was futzing with it how convenient for the plot why does narak ask her about her necklace that's nice your necklace because she keeps putzing with it how convenient for the plot how exactly does an Android perform a mind-meld suture has always had a passion bulkan culture oh okay okay okay sutures really into Vulcan stuff she got a lot of books that make sense then okay she learn from a book how to do a mind meld hey that's no fair that's different soul-g says she knows about the Shane odd you were onboard ship shape with 25 other passengers the Romulan ship that was assimilated by the Borg to ship that broke two cubed because it assimilated the knowledge of the admonition how does Sergey know about that she wasn't part Borg I would have said that I've never even heard of the Shane or or that Rhonda was on it did Maddox somehow know the slightly classified information and put it into her brain this little thing was never answered forget about it if Maddox was trying to hide why did he implant fake memories into Shoji that gave away his real location you know where he died 37 months ago why didn't he give her fake memories you know maybe growing up in Chicago 1060 West Addison you know how to mislead people what happened to Merrick last we saw him was during the soccer ball attack did they leave him with the androids to get murdered did he get beamed aboard a Romulan ship Castle after wait for season 2 or what was so geez mother if data were to make a painting entitled daughter why wouldn't he paint long and not some random face from his imagination after they including song and the synths leader discovered that Sutra really is the one that killed the other synth and not narak you reasoned correctly that your fellow synthetics needed persuading an emotional jolt drive them to the decision you wanted them to make why don't they all just tell the other androids that she betrayed them and instead they'll jump out and go forward with their soccer ball plan which includes kicking and punching physically superior androids in the face and from what I recall that doesn't work so well why is the location of ten forward and Picard stream not where ten forward is down forward is located on deck 10 forward worked the exact front of the ship did they not know that's why they call it ten forward Oh Who am I kidding of course they didn't when dodge exploded Picard got thrown back and possibly concussed he's a hundred and fifty years old why was he not taken to a hospital why does this guy sound like he's about to take these people on a Disneyland tour kind of Romulan say good morning please keep your hands inside the card at all times if Romulans have shown that they could beam into a room and surprise people instantly to kill or attack them then why did the Romulans come into Picard's house one at a time through the door I guess they're gonna tell me that Picard's house has some kind of shield over it shields up remember to scans to max and why didn't his dog bark at them you were dangerous then number one would let me know sticker put four cards brain into an Android brain and why did they have to store data on to disco flash drives in fact how were they able to preserve data's consciousness his theory was the data isn't our code even as memories could be reconstituted from a single positronic neuron what an essence open essence yes be alive how the [ __ ] does this [ __ ] work shouldn't they have a coming and going area you know like the subway what happens if you walk into the thingy at the same time someone is coming out do you get too vexed I mean okay it's kind of neat that transporters have evolved into this quicker method of travel but the production design on this is way too illogical and nonsensical when the Borg slot into space some of nine was so upset doesn't she know that parks can survive in space hey that security camera footage looks an awful lot like the actual clip from the show Oh lazy and embarrassing I mean what they could let's move on nothing to see here Picard is different now and Star Trek is different now now I'll acknowledge a few things that I didn't put into this review I tried to just discuss this show on its merits alone to writing and the story terrible choices they made the style etc the the story you told this season how you view it as a as a mirror or a lens to look at what's happening in the world right now disgusting thing I did not want to get into the whole backstory the drama the alleged disastrous production what I do know is that they asked Patrick Stewart and showed him an idea and he said pass we have had Micheal Chabon here we have talked with Akiva Goldsman and they both tell charming stories about what a hard pitch it was to convince you to put jean-luc back on then I came back in the second time and said tell us what you want to do was there anything coming to this project that you were like I don't want to do this as Picard or there that I don't want to see this in his story he was like okay no Star Trek Enterprise I'm not the captain none of that annoying Star Trek talk I did strongly make the point that I did not want to be in a uniform at all making nothing like Star Trek at all let's make it about brexit because that's the most important thing in the world right the wrong side of brixon it's happened and it's going to be horrendous so everyone this will sound pompous but I you know way I think the world needs Star Trek right now no one will be talking about anything else in 2020 right how about you make me space Jesus that saves the universe I love myself and of course you can't have Star Trek Picard without Picard so everybody said sure I'll kiss this filthy old ass and he's the most generous the most giving the most grounded I mean he elevates all of us it's just a gift it is I only watch Star Wars I never watched Star Trek so I'm kind do you watch next generation before you went into Voyager so my future advice that no one will listen to is this when they launch Star Trek The Next Generation it was from the mind of one man cast actors to fill roles and writers to write the scripts don't let the actors run the show or tell the creatives what to do I understand you are an executive producer on the show it had one huge advantage which was the right to vote it's the best place to be well I had never been there before I knew what happened in it I saw the end result actors are generally on creative people for the most part I mean there's some exceptions if they have the clout they'll make a show about how there are tortured space Jesus who is selfless and worshipped for saving the galaxy you see actors become actors because they love themselves and they love to hear themselves talk they love attention they think they're important and they want the world to know how talented and amazing they are oh god I guess you better not make Star Trek Kirk canceled due to coronavirus number six to conclude I can't watch this [ __ ] anymore so I'm just so sad that this is the legacy of Star Trek The Next Generation one of the best shows ever made in my opinion all the wrong people were put in charge of new Star Trek they all seemed so disconnected smug and generally stupid it's the story of Picard it is the title I DS his character journey that is the actual journey of our show and we get to take the time to do it which is not to say well without plot or many things blowing off now and then I get this feeling that they have disdain for the older Star Trek audience and wanna shake things up it literally sickens me I mean dear space and I wanted to shake things up so to speak but they did it in an intelligent way telling smart science-fiction stories of morality lessons would one of you mind telling us what's going on this settlement was founded by the crew of a Starfleet vessel that crashed on this planet two centuries ago I realize this is going to be hard for you to accept but that ship was the Defiant two days from now when you leave here you will be thrown back in time 200 years you'll be stranded here and become the founders of the settlement we are your descendants [Music] praying over your own grave it's gotta be a new one you can't argue that any of this trash is smart it's literally junk it's a dumpster fire aside from Star Trek being for the most part episodic stories it was also a show that showed the best side of Humanity in the future sure there was some violence and some horrible things happen there are some bad people on the good guys side Admiral I'm hereby charging you with violation of the Treaty of Alderaan as captain of the enterprise I'm placing you under arrest mr. Wolfe and not everyone is perfect but our heroes were what could always count on them Kirk Picard Sisko Janeway Archer they were role models because they always strive to make the best decision possible or do the right thing when it wasn't always the easiest choice there are role models because we'd look to them to make a moral decision well less secure in our moral certitude to lead a team of people out of a sticky situation to solve a problem or debate a moral quandary with Star Trek Picard there's literally nothing to get out of it it's kind of a muddled mess of what the message is feels like more of a random role-playing adventure game where everybody shoots at each other drinks booze and is angry the world of Star Trek was always a world you used to want to live in people made their own Star Trek bridges dressed up in the uniforms created 3d computer renderings of the inside of the enterprise transformed their homes into Star Trek homes for cars in the shuttle crafts there's even the Star Trek original series set tour that faithfully recreates the old enterprise I can't imagine anyone ever wanting to live in this dreary dark and nihilistic world fundamentally maybe characters on a starship discussing how to get out of a space problem doesn't make for the most dramatic or contemporary television but I assure you there's a lot of people out there that still want that can't possibly be enough matza I mean people on Star Trek fans that really enjoy this [ __ ] to make it sustainable I proposed a second challenge to CBS first challenges make Picard gay second challenges show us your numbers I want to know how many individual users watch this trash show or how quickly the audience dropped off after a few episodes lastly my analogy for new Star Trek is this the father of a household spent decades down in the basement meticulously building a train set he spent time hand-painting the little figures putting together each model by hand placing each miniature fake tree roadsign water tower an individual piece of grass until he had his creation then his twelve-year-old son and his friends came downstairs and trashed it while he's away or in the case of Star Trek Picard grown adults with the intellects of children they put fireworks on the tracks ripped the trees out through the trains on the floor and then [ __ ] on everything and spilled beer all over it maybe they even took a can of red spray paint and painted an anarchy sign on the table too this is what the four horse people of the Apocalypse have done to Star Trek I'm sure I'm probably being overly dramatic and I'm certainly not trying to be a gatekeeper more of a key master go back and watch the original series TNG Deep Space nine Voyager and even Enterprise sure some of the episodes won't be that great but that's okay watch them all but watch them on blu-ray or DVD CBS all access doesn't need more allowance money to buy fireworks and pot and beer for its teenagers making their TV show cut them off watch something else now everyone I'm gonna leave you on a less depressing note I'll let these guys and gals do their thing hit it Johnny second star to the right and straight on till morning said of course at home I'm reading an ion storm on that trajectory sir shouldn't go around it I can't be afraid of the wind ensign take us to warp 4 it is the unknown that defines our existence we are constantly searching not just for answers to our questions but for new questions we are explorers we explore our lives day by day and we explore the galaxy trying to expand the boundaries of our knowledge and that is why I am here not to conquer you with weapons or with ideas but to coexist and learn and she was out there [Music] and game [Music] [Music] but a phaser to my hand [Music] as we put the face from his mouth [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] he'll will come again [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music]

Channel: RedLetterMedia

Views: 2,991,174

Rating: 4.8955112 out of 5

Keywords: redlettermedia, red letter media, red, letter, media, plinkett, half in the bag, mike stoklasa, jay bauman, rich evans, star trek, picard

Id: TwF1iri1GjQ

Length: 94min 4sec (5644 seconds)

Published: Mon May 18 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/[deleted]]

Freddie Williams with the lowkey assist.

[u/Tarlcabot18]

I like that Mike is using this as another chance to pitch his Picard fan fiction like in the Galaxy Re:View.

[u/FourthEchelon19]

LMAO... r/StarTrek mods straight up removed the video immediately.

[u/PopularCartoonist0]

Did anyone else actually get SAD at the ending, just seeing all this classic Star Trek after 70 minutes of ASS?

[u/GeraldotheINVINC]

My favorite part of every Plinkett (and RLM in general) review is when they play the canned lines of producers/writers/actors/directors explaining the show or its philosophy over clips that blatantly and directly contradict what is being said.

[u/Firsty_Blood]

7 hours and 28 minutes. So it's like the first two Lord of the Rings movies except without any reasonable character arcs or development or world-building.

[u/ScarletFire5877]

The storyboards and plot for Plinkett’s episode ideas are so hilariously campy and even in jest are better than any actual episode we got for Picard.

[u/[deleted]]

Time to watch a 94 minute review of a show I will never watch

[u/Areltoid]

In the darkness of modern times Mike's nerd rage is a beacon of light