Star Wars: The Last Plinkett Review

[Music] starwars the last Jedi is the most embarrassing thing since my son no no my other son the son that's so embarrassing I never even talked about him his name is Ryan Johnson and he's a filmmaker from Los Angeles California in all honesty though after lubing up the last Jedi and subjecting it to a very deep and tight anal sis I have discovered that it is a slightly more complex and interesting film than I first thought complexly bad [Music] it both succeeds and fails for me at the same time kind of like falling on your face at the finish line of an Olympic race and maybe [ __ ] your pants at the same time that's the last Jedi that was also my cousin Howard at the 92 Barcelona Olympics he later became an alcoholic and then crashed his car into a Burger King when his car exploded that made him die you could say he was flame-broiled what a sad ending to a man who famously [ __ ] his pants in front of the whole world anyway speaking of famously [ __ ] your pants in front of the whole world number one Ryan Johnson and how this all happened Disney Lucasfilm Kathleen Kennedy whoever whatever gave my son the most important sequel in a billion-dollar franchise it really only made one other movie in the genre and it was called looper it was pretty okay I guess other than that he hasn't done too much he used to mow my [ __ ] lawn one time he added fertilizer to my overgrown grass and made it worse he told me he was subverting my expectations I told him to go [ __ ] himself I fired him and I didn't let him mow another lawn again now my son was given the unenviable task of having to follow up the force awakens with his own film we all know that the force awakens was a soft reboot of a new hope so all the internet fingers of blame were all prepared to point right at Ryan and accuse him of doing the same thing with the episode 8 which was that he was gonna make a soft reboot of Empire and for a while it seemed to be that and she knew it here we had a movie set after the destruction of the first-order super weapon rain was seeking out a Jedi Master for training about to discover some kind of family secret or lineage the rebellion was running and gonna get betrayed and then going to hiding again etc etc so one can't necessarily blame my son for trolling the audience and quote subverting expectations the whole thing of the scoundrel and the audience expects him to have a heart of gold my intent is to cast him on who you would not expect to see it's the only thing I would really want is a good movie that delights me in ways I did expect not getting what she wants not getting the answers from the places she thought they were going to come from like oh that's completely different than I thought it was but my question is why troll the situation at all why not take the audience in an entirely new direction oh I guess because there's nowhere to go with Star Wars cuz it's boring it's played out and it sucks locus is laughing all the way to the bank with this four billion dollar cheque god bless you George you enjoy your food court meals you sweet sweet man anyway the similarities first started with the trailer Vader and kylo ride along on a mission to find someone I guess we'll call him Vader in 8080 walkers preparing for an attack on what looks like a snow planet Vader and entering with snow troopers Rey training with the Jedi Master on some kind of green place filled with life Rey confronting her fears in a secret cave Vader enforced senses somebody on a ship and so on when you see the movie the snow planet battle is at the end there oh my god it's not snow at all it's salt Sultan you're gonna rub that on our wound Sun hair wait is that gareth edwards put a [ __ ] helmet on you stupid prick no one cares that you have a cameo you boring ass cracker Jesus Christ huh for themselves are these guys some day this war is gonna end not the Star Wars that will never end that will keep going forever keep going forever what the [ __ ] son nobody have single-handed and get in Oh surprise raid isn't Katrine by Luke at all and her family lineage isn't a shocking secret you have no place in my story you come from nothing you're nothing and there's no real lightsaber fight at all at least not IRL it's all a hoax oh my god seriously though this guy literally just did pretty much the opposite of what we expected did he think all this was gonna blow our [ __ ] minds the only thing that could blow my mind is a giant pile of Tony Montana cocaine god I miss the 80s the 1880s that's when you could get the real good stuff the 1980s was okay I guess but I'm really looking forward to the 2000 80s digital 3d printed cocaine sponsored by Disney snort up before you see Star Wars episode 47 the last last last last last last lap oh wait there's more yes failure most of all see all this [ __ ] that I've just talked about is what we know already and what we've complained about ad nauseam all right we're not collectively as complained about subverting expectations out of place your momma joke about orgs look throws a lightsaber over the shoulder Coyotes made of crystal meth stupid kids bb-8 is a slot machine that shoots coins at people look milks giant dinosaur tits stupid kids kylo Ren wears old men high-rise pants Luke Skywalker drinks milk from dinosaur tits like a homeless slob Leia flies like Peter Pan and space stupid kids cartoon alien horse donkeys purple hair lady and a prom dress Luke tells Rey the Jedi aren't special that force contradicting all the other Star Wars films the readings of the child over 20,000 silly Yoda so silly Luke's robot hand vanishes into the force and emo chat live well we don't really talk about it's just how terrible the script is it's like Ryan Johnson wrote one draft turned it in and then everyone said sure let's go with it without asking any questions at wait a minute where have I heard this before well see again I mean I told Brian this is no surprise I said I just fundamentally disagree with your concept of this character number two the worst screenplay ever is probably it's Pat or maybe Jack and Jill for possibly The Mummy there's a lot of contenders worth certainly not the last Jedi Bryan delivered the great script very ambitious we a lot of surprises that's its moments and yes I'm gonna be totally fair here it feels like it was written by a high school student but like like a pretty smart high school student one who thought about his script really really hard at home before he had to go to bed at night Ron Johnson communicated really clearly his intent for the shots very early on he actually drew his storyboards why can't fire the last Jedi opens with the rebellion fleeing their current base because they've been found out by the first order an empire we get a little establishment of location some character stuff with Han Leia Luke Chewbacca c-3po r2d2 you know characters we like we also learn and understand how the Empire tracked them down this [ __ ] just starts awhile right out of the gate so you say to yourself I guess it doesn't really matter how the first order found the rebel base right but you know it adds something a little something called realism and pacing to build up all those wonderful things that make up movies the Empire probably spent years searching the galaxy with random space probes to find the rebels they had no [ __ ] clue where they were the first starter just shows up out of nowhere right out of the bat first order comes off as comically powerful with unlimited resources it kind of makes you wonder why are they even bothering chasing down an elderly lady and all of her friends will only have a handful of spaceships the [ __ ] are they gonna do none of this has helped either by the fact that DOM Hall Gleason's acting is straight out of space balls who do you think you're talking to prepare [ __ ] what's the matter Colonel Sanders Turkey the robots are the goofy ones not the bad guys hello then their plan appears to be this Pope flies his x-wing in front of the dreadnought ship as a distraction you're done goes into attack mode with the intention of taking out the surface cannons right he does this so that the bombers can bomb away they were in the middle of doing this whole plan because they had all their bombers out and ready to attack this appears to buy them the time to get the last transport off the ground before the dread-nots can fire it's super cannons which are located underneath the ship down at the rebel base and blow it up here's the thought for the first order you have to clear targets and you have super cannons sure to blow up a planetary base that's deserted and isn't going anywhere or so dream those super cannons over here and fire at the big fleet ship that's poised to jump to Lightspeed at any moment you know you could always blow up the base at your convenience or leave a couple Star Destroyers there I doubt the rebellion would come back to a base that's been found plus maybe down on that base they left some stuff about other rebels or other locations fleet strength crew dossiers important belongings data chips with information on them stuff they couldn't really get in a hurry you know I think in military terms they call that intelligence but clearly the script is missing that ah [ __ ] it just blow up the base the place why not just blow it up everyone in the first order is so [ __ ] wildly angry for no real reason you never penetrate our fire on the place old-school Empire guys were just coldly doing their job they weren't [ __ ] frothing at the mouth what are these people insane I'm still talking about the scene so the last transport is made it Leia's happy and since the PO okay I guess call out that whole bomber mission thing and bring your slow ass moving bombers back to the fleet you know so that dreadnought can shoot at you and us while you head back with your slow ass moving bombers Paul rightly says hey Leia while we're all here let's at least try to take this thing out right because that was kind of our mission in the first place that's what we're here doing and if we don't it will kill us all Leia sup sup by this plane because she has no idea what she's doing she could barely even stand up time to give it up and go at the Yoda floating wheelchair though also states that this thing the dreadnought is a fleet killer this is the last of their fleet there are no other rebellion fleets right 400 of us on three ships for the very last of the resistance why not just get the [ __ ] out of there I can see why Chinese audiences were so confused at this movie how two feuding militaries could do things that make absolutely no sense in a movie called Star Wars box office speaking they don't really like this movie I think it's probably because it was written by some pudgy white folk singer from California it was probably never heard of fly the military tactics in this movie make about as much sense as me buying condoms number one my wife is dead number two I could no longer get an erection and number three my cat ripped off my penis in 1969 here's the real audio I was recording my reaction to the first moon landing at the time anyway further can you hear me now your momma prank phone call part was stupid as was the bb-8 plugging water leaks gag bordered on Looney Tunes reality but the real underlying problem with this movie was a lot of logic logic that was glossed over by great-looking visual effects fast paced action and excitement you really can't fault how great this movie looks but right from the first scene there was something off about the writing and like I always say you might not have noticed it but your brain did you number three TL DW another problem with the script for the last Jedi is the fact that there's just too much stuff so when we put the whole movie together we had a very big movie it was too big yeah it's too long too much stuff so right now I am signing the final budget sheet so well every Star Wars film is just over two hours long this one takes the cake at two hours and thirty minutes and in my opinion story-wise have ended around the 1 hour and 45 minute mark somehow all this stuff with Snoke and the confrontation with Rey and kylo felt like a climax as did the Admiral hold o Lightspeed kamikaze attack but this is all a problem with structure so let's talk about that while the Snoke throne room scene is clearly reminiscent of Return of the Jedi I'm going to compare the last Jedi to the Empire Strikes Back of course an empire we have sort of a bowl-like storyline structure where our characters are together then go off on separate adventures and all end up at the same place for the conclusion sitcom format speaking you have an a story and a B story an empire clearly Luke's training with Yoda and learning about the force and then having to confront our failures to a storyline and the last Jedi we have foresees stories I don't even know how that [ __ ] works equal time seems to be given to everything that's going on in the film and nothing seems to have more weight than anything else plus things that kind of seemed important just sort of end more or less unresolved plus we are created to the old domino effect of bad decision screenwriting model the model I think works better in a comedy film which leads me to my next point number four a comedy of errors the last Jedi script kind of plays out like a madcap comedy film what at least the rebellion aspects of it too let's take a look at a random comedy film how about national lampoon's vacation so just how did the Griswold family turn their vacation into an armed hostage situation well I'll start at the end Clark has a gun and uses it to take hostages Clark buys the gun from a gun store he got the gun because when they got to Walley world it was too late and it was closed an unwelcome passenger Aunt Edna dies in their car forcing them to get rid of the body Clark Rob's a motel register in Arizona Clark robbed the motel because he had no money cuz the mechanic scammed him how much you got Clark got lost trying to find the Grand Canyon which caused him to crash his car which caused it to need repairs Clark gets suckered into taking an ID no long when they stopped at cousin Eddie's Clark takes the wrong exit and ends up in the ghetto and gets his car vandalized and Clark got sold the wrong car in the first place cuz he was stupid I'm not your ordinary everyday fool okay Clark's general incompetence cascades into a series of events which caused things on their family vacation to get worse and worse it's because he's dumb and he makes bad decisions like getting a gun out of rage driving fast to impress Christie Brinkley trying to find the Grand Canyon by looking for it falling asleep at the wheel constantly getting scammed by people everywhere cuz he's dumb and from Chicago see that's why he's a funny character cuz he's a buffoon waitress the same can be argued for most of the characters in the last Jedi the rebels end up with only a dozen people left alive out of about 400 400 of us on three ships because they got tracked to the salt planet and had to escape that they had to escape there because the first order was able to run a D cloaking scan for their escape craft which was their big [ __ ] plan they had a cloaking ability for their crafts but they didn't use it earlier in the film we ran a deep cloaking scan and sure enough 30 resistance transport it just launched from the cruiser the first order ran this deep cloaking scan because Benicio del Toro told them to because he sold out Finn and Rose Ben and Rose trusted Benicio because he seemed like he knew what he was doing because he broke out of a jail why not trust him we had to use him and not the real code breaker because this [ __ ] called the cops on them which led them to jail and this [ __ ] called the cops on them because they illegally parked their ship on the beach seemed like a dumb thing to do they went to the casino plan in the first place because they had to go rogue so they asked Maz Kanata for how somebody they barely knew just met for five minutes in the last movie they had to go on the secret mission to break the first orders Lightspeed tracker because whole dough wouldn't topo her plan and hold on one topo her plan because she hates men you have bet the survival of the resistance on bad odds and put us all at risk [Laughter] [Applause] you bet on your own bad odds that the first order didn't have a pair of these we could trace the events back to the start almost why didn't you just tell him her plan the kind of made sense except for the first order could physically see the planet you were going to and they were just gonna follow you there anyway who knew the first order was tracking our big ship their water trick for the transporters why not down to the surface of a notice to high until the first order passes get all our forces down to that resistance base let's finish this I could work why wouldn't they be monitoring for little transports also how did hold on oh that just a good gas there's no life signs on the big ship it's empty maybe they cloaked all their escape crafts and went to that planet that's right [ __ ] there maybe they went there I'm no rocket scientist but there's a planet there and I think they all flew there protecting the light I guess all this crap was supposed to be about leadership or something the moral or the lesson or whatever was that in the rebellion your job was not to rebel you're demoted and to blindly follow your leaders kind of like the first order I just want to know what's going on of course she did you Steve Aldo had her plan and she was in charge and we need to shake them before we can find a new base so what's our plan don't you dare ask any questions because she's got purple hair it's a stick tear post and follow my orders [Music] this is one area where this [ __ ] ain't like Star Trek at all the pro card was in a situation where he didn't know what the [ __ ] to do you would ask everybody for their opinions he would say what do you suggest everyone would offer up ideas from each character's own unique perspective comments I recommend that I return to the cruiser with an away team the plasma shock it would be painful but it wouldn't cause any physical harm an interesting suggestion lieutenant what if they're trying to undermine our history for some reason some kind of guerrilla war the enterprise-c would be out man and outgunned unless we would rearm them with maan we can't do that if we send that ship back the new technology will be altering the past I agree we're at war there's been no formal declaration of war not from us but certainly from them perhaps we should reverse course for all we know reversing course may be what leads us into the crash all right mr. fortune I don't agree a concussive charge would blow out the security field so we can go under the phasers on a wide beam stun everybody sort it out later it's a stick to your post and follow my orders I have a problem with that kind of rigidity it seems callous and even a little cowardly now if I were on the cruiser in Star Wars the last yet I'd say why I use that cloaking technology on our escape crafts secretly move everyone over to one of those other ships and then Lightspeed out of there if the trackers just on Snoke ship split everyone up three ways and take your chances at least two-thirds of you will survive that's about 266 people much better than the twelve you ended up with just give it to me one more time simpler so the first form is only tracking us from one destroyer the lead one so we blow that one up but if we sneak on port the lead destroyer and disable the tracker without them realizing so we blow that one up they won't you realize it's off for one system cycle about six minutes so we blow that one up I like where your head's at but no they'd only start tracking us from another destroyer but if we can sneak on board the lead destroyer we know that one tracker without them realizing hey won't you realize it's off for one system cycle about six minutes sneak on board just give it to me one more time a simple disable the tracker so you blow down a number our fleet escapes prison to me one more time we sneak on board to be destroyed or maybe keep popping back and forth at Lightspeed with one of those small crafts evacuate everyone somewhere safe you know just a little bit out of time back and forth back and forth back and forth they don't seem to care I literally have tens of ideas but this lady is technically in charge so don't ask any questions her card was a smart man agreed a comedy of errors is what they call it kids a series of errors and mistakes though is not to be confused with a series of obstacles you can actually do this yeah about that when the Millennium Falcon encounters an asteroid belt it's an obstacle it's not cuz Han Solo is stupid [Music] when Finn and Rose parked their ship on a beach when there's probably some kind of spaceship parking lot that everyone uses it's because they're stupid when they decide to trust some guy who literally sounds like a snake remember kids if he sounds like a snake it's a mistake take it easy bigger sounds like snake it's a mistake maybe also if you're questioning my logic that the last Jedi was more structured as a comedy film just dip into the deleted scenes [Music] I'm not supposed to initiate contact with officers but I never took you for captain material look take a look at all this [ __ ] nonsense that was cut from the film not sure what my son was up to but I think he was trying to make a funny movie yeah it's funny when Clark Griswold crashes the family truckster in that movie a series of bad decisions mistakes foolish errors make it a funny movie it doesn't work in a Star Wars film it makes all your characters look dumb why you ran second your own [ __ ] this is why this all seemed weird and bad when they're on a casino planet Andros is complaining about like the industrial military complex of the universe or whatever there's only one business in the galaxy that'll get you this rich war selling weapons that the first order buys weapons from from crazy crazy looking characters in a casino she should have just said I hate this place but there's nothing we could do about it now we have a mission instead this happens a casino and Star Wars you know with with fancy dress people it just seemed and I expressed my fears to Ryan and it was worth it though to tear up that town make him hurt now it's worth it bid Thank You Mario in a Star Wars film you need clear obstacles and drama really wow it is really strong the cannot keep information for no reason at all just to fulfill some kind of plot twist later twists and turns are one thing but confusing actions and motivations that are literally incomprehensible that's not acceptable once we're done the resistance will give you whatever you want once you get the puzzle whines how much you got number five point A to point B maintain our current course steady up another thing people take issue with is the low-speed chase you know I'm okay with this in a weird way it kind of reminds me of Star Trek fuel status 15 pounds PSI Star Trek often dealt with situations involving fuel and ships chasing and/or tracking each other power loss now at 12% captive-bred alert Star Wars was always more about the locations zipping around from one spot to the next without any mention of fuel or how long it would take to get there that's where the fantasy was and Star Trek a light craft could take days or weeks or months to reach another star system ETA 1330 hours sir it's not exactly warp speed when he leaves ha Luke isn't gonna sit in his x-wing for weeks until he gets to Dagobah an impulse we're not likely to be running into any planets not really six or seven years Oh on my mom see though that was before they decided that x-rays could fly at Lightspeed which they showed and Return of the Jedi because all the x-wings and light crafts had to jump inside the big Mon Calamari Cruiser before it jump to Lightspeed so I don't know is that a mistake in Return of the Jedi anyway the mere fact that a large chunk of the middle of the movie is just big spaceships kind of slowly chasing each other that was different to say something positive I would have been fine just cutting back and forth between just that situation and Rey doing things on Luke's planet however that's my next point that lends itself to my theory that the last Jedi is really a madcap comedy people are always coming and going which deflates the tension of the first order having them trapped in a low-speed chase first off Ryan brought himself into a hole when he realized that all of his characters were on the main ships being chased by the first order a crappy thought how can Finn and Rose go on a little adventure on some other planet when they're stuck on the [ __ ] ship Disney wants at least five locations and I've got to meet that quota so I'm Finn Andros sneak out of the side of the Mon Calamari Cruiser and some kind of smaller ship and leave [ __ ] why doesn't everyone do that then when the rebels leave in the escape ships which for no reason at all can't go Lightspeed if this little shitty crappy ship has Lightspeed then you'd think emergency evacuation crafts would too then they suddenly have some kind of cloaking ability not like Klingon cloaking ability but censor cloaking ability but like the first order has windows all you need is a good old pair of these to see them if the [ __ ] Hubble telescope could see Mars with this clarity from Earth you'd think the first order would have some kind of device that could zoom in like a hundred feet and see all the escape crafts leaving Jesus Christ even pirates in the 1800's had looking-glasses send out the TIE fighter send out the TIE fighters all these rebellion escaped transports have no weapons and can't go Lightspeed it's like shooting people in a barrel I mean fish anyway so then after leaving Kanto by tros Finn and Benicio steal some rich guys ship and then had to Snoke ship they slipped through the detection grid with magical codes Ray's also got business on Snoke [ __ ] so she goes there to using the Falcons little escape pod [Music] after her and kylo fight the bad guys after Snoke gets cut in half Rey I guess then steals smokes personal ship she took smokes escape craft only then to somehow end up back on the Falcon what happened to Snoke ship and why wasn't she flying that thing into battle I'm sure the ship of the supreme leader of the first order has God I have some kind of mega firepower and shields on it right why'd she leave it parked somewhere in the salt and then get on board the old rust bucket that's piloted by an ape that's infested with fur bees fly Snopes personal ship around and blow [ __ ] up this smells of the old oh crap how do I get Rey down to the salt planet no well how about a throwaway line about how she stole Snoke ship she took smokes escape craft and then we'll just never talk about it again by the way salt planet is a favorite vacation spot of this creature I thought I'd squeeze in a Star Trek reference I hope you enjoyed it nerds oh wait here's something hundred rows fin and the codebreaker guy planned to get off of Snoke ship once they smashed up the tracking device good time to figure out how we'd get back to the fleet I know where the nearest escape pods are course wasn't the first order no that escape pods were launched like shoot him down you know if stormtroopers are like low-level ranking military guys went AWOL this would have a real good time to use one of those escape pods don't you think come to think of it with the first order even have escape pods maybe for like the high ranking officers on the bridge but [ __ ] how many people are on that ship stormtroopers and everyone in the first order is basically cannon fodder the escape pod or lifeboat situation is probably worse than their Titanic plus they're all the way in the center of the [ __ ] ship it would take like 45 minutes for an escape pod to get out of that gigantic ship in Star Trek which is much more smarter the escape pods are Roy's on the outside of the ship I mean the codebreaker guy whether it was Benicio or the other guy they were independent contractors not really part of the rebellion so I doubt either of them would have been up for a suicide mission I mean ROS and Finn might have been I mean that ship was big maybe go back to the little ship that they brought on board but wouldn't somebody have found that ship like like a stormtrooper but like we here what's that and then they'd hit like the alarm button I don't know it just don't make sense it's just like they're doing things without thinking to figure out how we get back to the place and they're making one mistake after the other just like Clark Griswald but this chapter is called from point A to point B meaning how do people get from here to there it's either really stupid or not thought-out at all or brushed over or happened so fast you don't even really notice it like my next point this is the absolute worst thing that happens and no I'm not talking about the oh [ __ ] I totally forgot about where bb-8 is um I guess she somehow got inside an 80s T which conveniently has a detachable top that falls off so that we could see him piloting it my gosh yes he could shoot out like a cannon even get up there I'm not talking about that I'm talking about how Rose and Finn get inside the rebel base on the salt planet they conveniently steal some kind of first-order ship after killing Captain phasma they fly it down to the salt planet real quick and fast and conveniently and with precision timing are able to fly it into the base doors before they close they're the only first-order ship that makes it into the base before the doors close just them not anybody else Jesus that's some [ __ ] good odds maybe you should go back to Cantino Brite and put some my on a slot machine I don't even remember this happening the first time I watched the movie happened so fast you don't even really have time to think about it it's just like oh yeah no roses and thinner inside the rebel base and it's a good thing too they didn't kill anybody look out look out run don't get smashed by the sliding spaceship it's another one of those how do I get my characters from here to their situation yeah I'll just I'll just slap this together no one will notice it'll happen so fast was this movie even thought out at all ahead of time what a [ __ ] show speaking of a [ __ ] show let's take a look at this short film recently created by and starring ryan johnson it was made exclusively for the starwars.com website [Music] [Laughter] you number six the other see plot our gun as previously stated I'm not here to take a huge dump on this movie I have a toilet for that many have called the last Jedi prequel bad Jesus Christ how racist oh my god Brian Johnson played his hand in a poker game there wasn't that strong you have to lay down all your chips on it in front of a lot of really good poker players and say this is the right decision based on nothing but this little tingle you get in your stomach and and you know that's scary that's really terrifying I would be worried if everybody across the board was like yeah there's a good movie and then there are other people who walk out just I mean literally saying that was the worst movie I've ever seen having those two extremes to me is you know is the market the type of movie that I want to make you didn't want to give the audience what it wanted what it craved and what a crave was the familiar the heroic The Adventure here's kind of like a school teacher that was rewarding us with movie day massive crepes shot by shot page one but instead of showing us something fun he showed us something fun but educational too that's not fun the audience wanted Luke to come back out of hiding show that he was a true Jedi badass and help ray stop Snoke and run maybe at least temporarily instead Luke wanted nothing to do with anything it was a cheap move like I said a rock in a hard place the idea that Luke was on an island cut off from the force and basically just wanting to die was one of the more interesting aspects of the movie ray wanted to help Luke finally agreed but then was like nope did you hear a word I just said I think what I'm gonna walk out with a laser sword and face down on the whole first order right now I feel like I'm taking on the whole empire myself I know but then ray finally justice [ __ ] it and leaves good for her she's intrigued by trying to save kylo Ren who seems like he's kind of interested in helping her too they got this weird connection that's that's different you got me movie I'm interested now what are you gonna do for me next are you gonna [ __ ] me in the ass there watch your ass and you know what once ray left that should have been the last time we saw Luke at least in this film and here's how the film should have ended joining there you got a solid cliffhanger and a satisfactory ending a big bad guy is dead his big bad ship is ripped apart in a self-sacrifice or what should have been Leia and most importantly what will be the future of this new kylo and rey alliance romance a new chaotic neutral jedi Sethe read so many new things so many new ideas oh load that piece of junk oh I guess he's still bad it's time to little things die this is the Jedi the rebels let it all die he wants to tear down the first order and the resistance okay that's interesting the resistances in that mind push through then he still goes after the resistance with the first order then he makes himself the new supreme leader finished then the movie ends with Luke coming back to save the day but he really doesn't he stalls so that everyone can escape Skywalker's doing this so we can survive which only serves to make kylo Ren more angry and more embarrassed [Music] bursting it's beat by a girl who has never used a lightsaber before of which smoke personally chides him on you were unbalanced bested by a girl who would never Dani gets beat by an elderly hologram all those people saw him fighting with an astral projection or whatever you think he'd have the force sense to tell that that was just like a fake thing you know you could like read someone's feelings when you're a Jedi or zip prison sentences you could sense things he would be like sensing nothing right if he had any kind of skills god how embarrassing and I thought getting kicked out of the portly gentleman was embarrassing I kept splitting too many pants in the dressing room oh no ray learns that Luke didn't know what he was talking about at all it's not about lifting rocks because the force literally is about moving rocks also this random little boy has Jedi powers so it is some kind of inherited ability or else all kids would be able to use the Force right dere God was everything you said wrong the force is not a power you have and beyond that something special the potential of your blood life go drink some more monster tit milk you weird hobo then we're right back where we started the resistance is on the run and the first order is still chasing after them no real big revelations just the death of two major characters that represented the quote old ways of the old films time to little things time the supreme Sith Lord and the Jedi Master what we're left with is a sort of Sith in charge of the first order and a girl who has a whole bunch of misinformation Luke wanted the Jedi to die it's time for the Jedi to end but boy oh boy look how it helped out your friends those Jedi books are worthless even Yoda said it old books the sacred Jedi taxes have you turner's you tried to burn him down with lightning but then she took the books I guess to study them further so they have value did she take the book so that she could teach others that's not what Luke wanted who the [ __ ] knows what's going on our black and white good versus evil space saga is now a muddled ambiguous grey all those wonderful moments in the original films are filled with excitement thrills chills action and adventure love and romance and heartfelt emotion for some reason all rang hollow in this movie they felt forced to rehashed or lacked real emotion and the parts that did stick with you stuck with you for the wrong reasons they made you feel sick confused awkward uncomfortable strange embarrassed disgusted and annoyed the only part that had any emotional weight to it was when Luke was saying goodbye to Leia and really that was just because it was those two characters that you liked and what happened shortly thereafter with Carrie Fisher in real life spoilers she died number 7 little details make a big picture finally to end on a good note I'd like to point out some of the great little details in the movie it's empty they're just trying to fill out a tension away because it's not all bad kids I really liked how low-tech the first orders monitors were in keeping with Star Wars tradition they were blocky old-looking technology I was very happy with that it's a neat one during kylo andrae's conversations kylo gets a little water on his hands you know cuz Rey's out by the water it's a nice little foreshadowing to what happens with Luke later on I really like this moment to our distress signals been received at multiple points but no response it's like we got it when Billy Lord said it they've heard us but no one's coming but then this lady said it again just slower and dumber so that we doubly understood I'm so dumb I also liked this detail too when after the most epic and amazing thing ever to happen in the history of Star Wars happens these background extras are just chatting about something shouldn't everyone's eyes be [ __ ] glued to the windows oh my god did you see what the [ __ ] just happened sounds whether you catch the game last week hey do you remember when Finn had a terrible concussion and was suffering from dementia and he thought his little rusty piece of crap ship would stop a super laser that it wouldn't just get incinerated or shot down by a million laser blasts before it even got close how silly what a fun moment you gotta get your head checked out fin cuz you're dumber than Clark Griswold hey then we're number one Rose crashed her a little piece of crap ship right into fins risking both horrible back injuries and death in order to stop him from crashing into the super laser huh that was pretty [ __ ] risky and it's like love is the only way and and she kisses him and he's like what I don't like you at all and then in the background the rebellion dies how hysterically terrible I mean great also do you remember the fight scene after Snoke was dead when his guards pointlessly fought ray and kylo if I were one of those guards I want to just ran away because clearly they're totally enough to kind of just stand there waiting awkwardly for one guard to finish attacking before they attack hey yo where are you going what are you doing hey wait you why did you run over there and what the heck is this guy waiting for can they even see what they're doing in those helmets hey why did you go over there do you remember when Luke said the Force it's not a power that you have ah sure it is just look at Leia she didn't do [ __ ] to develop her power it was just inherited you have that power too anytime you learning as a desire she's always sitting down but yet she could survive the cold vacuum of space an Admiral Ackbar and nobody else can sure does seem like some kind of inherited Jedi power that she has kylo Ren was so mad at the Millennium Falcon that he ordered all their Thai fighters to attack it you know so that they could leave all the ships trying to attack their super laser free to attack their super laser she already you know ray was onboard the Millennium Falcon or was he calling this ship a she she may not look like much but she's got it where it counts kid oh geez I wasn't expecting such outdated and sexist sailor talk from such a progressive film how dare they I'm protesting come on aunt Eva let's get style where's next number eight the circle of confusion is complete to get what I was doing a whole bunch of things like if you thought the opening of the last Jedi was odd and messed with your brain let's talk about the tone and visuals in general attitude of the ending now I know Ryan didn't want his film compared to Empire but we really need to do that here first of all Luke starts off as he did at the end of a new hope how nobody you read me happy plucky idealistic Dennis no monster malls his face and tries to eat him alive and he's like oh my god just [ __ ] galaxy's a nightmare that was traumatic then Yoda lays out some real scary [ __ ] to him I'm not afraid you will be you with me then he has visions of his friends dying he cuts off a ghost of Dror Feiler and sees his [ __ ] face inside of decapitated a head he's unable to rescue his friends he gets his [ __ ] hand chopped off and has told the most evil man the galaxy is his father I am the father overall a pretty shitty reality hitting day now stick with me in this film Rey is off to meet the legend Luke Skywalker the force the Jedi all of it it's all true who turns out to be a big homeless [ __ ] who's [ __ ] rude to her he tells her that the Jedi are shitty and a bunch of failures leaving her with absolutely no hope in him only with kylo Ren and even though he kills Snoke to save her he still wants to murder all of her friends blah she's literally witness to the deaths of mostly all of the rebellion at this point like from her perspective she went off to get Luke to help everybody and she totally failed them [Music] here's where Luke is at the same story moment and Empire here's where ray is she likes that so then an empire the rebellion fleet is limping along at a slow pace or another visual similarity could be like a beat army heading back to its base and defeat the music is mostly somber our characters are licking their wounds so to speak the music is still slightly hopeful but with a twinge of melancholy just perfect and the last Jedi the Millennium Falcon is speeding ahead at Lightspeed which visually indicates adventure in action and fun on board it's a fun reunion or something people seem to be in generally good spirits even though 46,000 rebels died leaving only 12 people left alive there's hugging and handshaking and all the shots are very reminiscent of the ending of Return of the Jedi where of course the Empire was totally defeated so you're like everything that just happened was really bad there should be a [ __ ] funeral dirge playing everyone should be shell-shocked and sitting there in silence as the Millennium Falcon limps along at five miles an hour spilling black smoke out of the back but this is Disney and mr. not what you'd expect I don't want a freaking to be out here but I think we just made a Star Wars movie so you're literally left scratching your head and confusion as to how to feel should I be happy now why is everyone happy a gun you might not have noticed it but your brain did one thing that should be noted here it seems like Rian Johnson is a pretty good guy everyone had nothing but nice things to say about him I'm Ryan not once did he show any type of anger or couldn't be not once was he was he rude or was he did he let the pressure of all of this get to him and it's pressure well almost everyone he's in I think she was joking but I'm not sure I know this guy really didn't like him but that's another story no matter how this comes out if I'm wonderful it's because of him and if it's terrible it's also his fault he seems like a pretty nice guy they like to laugh and maybe it was just a little bit nervous to be working on such a big production [ __ ] I would be he also just wanted to write a good script and make a movie that was unexpected maybe a little refreshing a different take on Star Wars and for that I give him respect the problem was that he failed spectacularly added on every level then it was just a matter of really being honest with myself like is that what's best for this trilogy is that what should happen here and just questioning that over and over again so you know what kids number nine I might just sit out Michael sit in the park and feed the birds watch the sunset walk on the beach listen to the waves crashing the shore [ __ ] do anything in the world for two hours then watch the next one and while I would never suggest a boycott boy I do love cops [Music] [Laughter]

Channel: RedLetterMedia

Views: 4,878,605

Rating: 4.8028617 out of 5

Keywords: redlettermedia, red letter media, red, letter, media, plinkett, half in the bag, mike stoklasa, jay bauman, rich evans, Star Wars, The Last Jedi, Review, rian johnson

Id: f83D18xL7VE

Length: 58min 10sec (3490 seconds)

Published: Tue Aug 28 2018

Reddit Comments

[u/Darksoldierr]

Damn, i actually did completely forgot how Finn and Rose got to the rebel base by the end

[u/emptyheinzketchup]

If he sounds like a snake, it’s a mistake

[u/LumberjackIlluminati]

How is it that Rich Evans' fake laugh in the wine tasting short sounds more normal than his regular cackle?

[u/droo46]

Just give it to me one more time, simpler.

[u/jedi2112]

I wasn't expecting Tom Hardy's stormtrooper to have a southern accent in the deleted scenes.

[u/shadowCloudrift]

I never realized how angry The First Order was until Plinkett pointed that out. Kylo's reaction to one of the angry officers is hilarious.

[u/JC-Ice]

I've called TLJ a "comedy of errors" myself. But seeing a vid laylout jist how much it's actually structured like a comedy is remarkable and amusinf. More amusing than much of the film itself.

And some of those Canto Bight deleted scenes should be burned, and Rian Johnson should aplogize to everyone who ever had to make or look at the fat naked sauna alien. [shudders]

[u/RIP-Rakbar]

This film really did feel like it was made by an over achieving high school student.

Especially the whole Canto Blight sub plot. Finn and Rose seem so damn proud about causing a mild disturbance. It makes them seem extremely naive. Oh yeah guys, you made them hurt for all of a few hours. Good job you successfully subverted the military industrial complex!

[u/sjokoladenam]

"...but right from the first scene there was something off about the writing and like I always say you might not have noticed it but your brain did."

He is so right about this. I remember just looking at my brother with a concerned look when Poe made the yo-mama joke.