Half in the Bag: The 70-Minute Rise of Skywalker Review

I offer in the bag I just don't know if anything could top this one hello and welcome to a very special edition of half in the bag is it what is it special it's special it really isn't any more though oh you're talking about Star Wars yeah well let's go around and say our first initial thoughts of the movie while we show you some clips of the trailer okay epic all of it the rise of Skywalker is a terrific finale that has just stuffed with so much of everything action adventure answers humor heart love and grit I spent the entire second half with tears in my eyes a wonderful way to end the skywalker story I'm emotional overwhelmed surprised shocked and stunned more than anything I'm happy thanks for coming through one more time Star Wars oh my god I am absolutely blown away I have never been so satisfied by a film this is the end of an era and a franchise that has defined my life and this did it justice in a way I didn't imagine it could you will cry well of course those were tweets initial tweets not not our tweets not our kids we didn't say any of those things but people did say that after the premiere of the glitz and glamour of the premiere you're all revved up with excitement the stars are there the and you want to get invited to future premieres and that's the most important thing J although although I will acknowledge it's possible that is the actual thoughts of those people anything's possible anything's possible you know if you grow up with like vines like like five second videos this is this is like a lot of vines just strung together it's a good way to describe it lots going on lots to talk about I I think this is six decent movies that are just condensed into one rushed kind of sloppy mess where does the decent part come in then I think I think if you actually took your time and let all of this [ __ ] they just keep throwing at you like let's some of these plot elements breathe a bit there's a scene where they introduce a old flame of pose and she's introduced in one scene and then her character bit is resolved in the very next scene and then she vanishes from the movie that's kind of the whole movie yeah it's it's like it's like it's the movie is like an outline for like three seasons of a TV show the people that are raving about this movie and I didn't hate it there are some good parts it's very complicated and it's hard to break down because so much is thrown at you if you're easily manipulated so much happens that you your brain can't keep up so much happens so quickly that you don't have time to think about it before it's moved on to like six other things you went to the bathroom at one point you were gone for one minute and you missed like 15 different plot points Chewbacca was kidnapped blown up and then he was alive again and I saw him get blowed up I knew he was gonna be alive because you see him in Lando flying the Falcon and the trailer but listen can I talk about the elf in the room what does the elephant the room is it the last Jedi but none of this matters that this is not my fault no ever any any amount of hate that Star Wars has ever gotten in the last 10 years is all specifically your fault like well okay mr. plinkus had said JJ Abrams would be great at directing Star Wars films way back in the day do you remember this I guess you're seeing my opinion where the prequels utterly failed Star Trek excelled Star Trek is really engaging it's fun adventurous fast-pace heroes are heroes and villains are villains and at the very least you know what's happening it's everything we did not get in the prequels at no point where we completely bored and confused I can do this I could do that thanks the con black hos expanding we won't reach minimum safe distance if we don't leave immediately your highness with your permission we're heading for a remote planet called Tatooine it's in the system far beyond the reach of the trophy in fact JJ Abrams should have directed the prequels and George Lucas should have directed people to their seats in the theater this was before the sequels this was before Disney acquired star wars space action and emotions and JJ Abrams is good at both he is not good at writing the stories that he directs that is absolutely true so I wanted to clarify all that that the the force awakens written by Lawrence Kasdan who wrote Empire and then I think you were Jedi I am no one talks about that though they just talk about Empire because that's the great one Lawrence Castle wrote any of their will here write a new-style what do you want me to do the boat oh okay you know and then he wrote that's right the same story again I get paid to write the same script again okay so then learns Kasdan's out and then ryan johnson takes over and we all know what happened there but really a jig let's let's be specific nothing happened there right the the last Jedi it was a big waste of time and so it's it feels like the rise of Skywalker is making up for that it's trying to do things that the middle movie should have done its sprinting to the finish line let's just get this [ __ ] over with it's the end of school and that's that's a big problem well it's interesting because like the last Jedi is like oh everything that was set up in the force awakens none of it matters [ __ ] it and then this movie is like oh everything that happened in the last Jedi none of it matters [ __ ] it it's like okay this is like in years to come this will be taught as an example of how not to plan a franchise it will be directly contrasted with Marvel yes to JJ Abrams spin straw into bronze I think that's a good way to describe this because he was given a big pile of straw with uh with those camel things piss all over it right yeah the things that ran through they could say you know he's in a big pile of that straw and I think he spun it into bronze maybe yeah maybe uh what's a lesser metal than bronze because I don't want to give them that much credit but it's it's it's a situation where like aluminum okay it's not you know it's not very fancy but it's very practical it useful yes it serves its purpose and it could be recycled no because I mean there's so much to talk about and we're gonna get some ass I just wanted to wrap up my this is not my fault thing because people have good first of all the idea that mr. plinkus saying JJ Abrams would make a great director for Star Wars movies had absolutely no impact on JJ Abrams being direct to direct the force awakens okay zero you don't you don't know that I guess I don't but I never said he should write it with the guy who wrote Batman vs Superman but couldn't they have grabbed literally anyone JJ Abrams has that that that sense of action and excitement and drama and stuff but you just need a really good story to go with that and of course they looked at this movie how everyone in the world was going to be looking at it it's like politics like split right down the middle some people have people like last Jedi have people didn't and there are only so many things you could do and like you said they just started throwing everything in there to try and make it work for everybody in the end it becomes a giant mess they had nothing and so they had to establish everything and then haven't paid off rather than rather than this series naturally leading up to something and and it was somebody's brilliant idea they say oh by the way spoilers from here on out spoilers nobody's watching this unless they've seen the movie so it doesn't matter is Reyes Skywalker is she a nobody she's both how about she's a Palpatine [Music] someone said oh who has force powers the Skywalker's have four force powers who else she's a Windu well well I guess that wouldn't work she's she's a coyote Mundi she's coyote moon Dee's daughter I mean just got a little bit of a forehead right you're making a sequel series of movies based on Star Wars what do you do you need to have a Jedi character right you need to have a young person who picks up a sword we've gone through all this you're treading water why wasn't like like Star Wars rate was about betweens granddaughter right wouldn't that means the Palpatine had sex with a lady who's helping with his [ __ ] a face right it wouldn't be pre [ __ ] up face anyways my point is Palpatine's direct daughter who got killed remember her and the husband were like stolen and they were stabbed why wasn't she poised to be Empress Palpatine because I know why the plan look it's Lando we've moved on like like Chewbacca is getting the medal shut up and watch if we move fast enough nobody will notice I mean this is like because I think we talked about that with into darkness that was like the extreme example of this move in this is this is like into darkness times 100 in terms of just don't pay attention we're just gonna keep moving is she's a nobody nobody like that she's a Skywalker and too predictable I guess she could be a Kenobi but he was technically supposed to be celibate that would have been a better tie in is because they're making the Ewan McGregor will be one Kenobi show obi-wan Kenobi in between remember he left to be a hermit yeah we thought it was gonna stay there for sixty years until he became Alec Guinness but I guess he went off he's gonna go off on a whole bunch of adventures and maybe obi-wan Kenobi loses his faith a little in the force and then Jediism and has a wife don't you hear his voice and the force awakens briefly so maybe that was the plan isn't isn't that less interesting though than if her bloodline is evil even though they already did that with Luke Skywalker is she going to turn to the dark side or not that's the movie yeah I think the idea to bring Palpatine back probably came first before the idea to have Rey be related to him because it's like oh we don't have Snoke we don't have a villain for this this trilogy bring back Palpatine it's all we got he's got he's got a jar full of smokes that was my first laughs and that was the best thing although all these floating's the snoke's in a gigantic tank yeah he literally made snow it's so but it's dumb in that like whoa what do we do how do we tie any of this [ __ ] together or make any sense of it they killed Snoke kylo Ren was a [ __ ] you either bring in a new unseen Sith Lord for your final act or you just bite the bullet and you bring back Palpatine and as dumb as it is it was the smart choice was it looks smart choice would have been not to make the movies no this one everyone out would have been to plan it out extensively yes Jenny look I am thankful that Palpatine is back because I love Pepe and he gets pretty hammy towards the end more than I was expecting him to but but less than I wanted him to though that's true it's kind of right in between come on we also need to address the fact that Palpatine and Jedi was just a mere clone he was yes he died oh but this movie he's back know till he say he's alone yes miss movie he says he's died many times yes I think real Palpatine lives on this spooky lightning planet in the thing and he's been he's like The Wizard of Oz he's been pulling the strings many Palpatine's have existed that have died see this is a word I have a different interpretation I think the real Palpatine is the conglomeration of thousands of all of the dead since that's the consciousness that keeps going on in to the new body so why is he still in Palpatine's body and this because he survived the death star crash point a is that's why we thought Palpatine was living in the ruins of the Death Star with an e wasn't there he wasn't there no it was not a completely different planet that was inaccessible because it had that that red electric like gas cloud with me but he's all [ __ ] up that was either pure white his fingers are like burnt and missing he has tubes in him that pout the Palpatine with the white eyes that we see in this movie is super super super ancient being kept alive by tubes and chemicals that's why he's connected to that giant thing the same body that you find to distil it the the Palpatine on the Death Star was a clone of him because the Palpatine on the Death Star just vaporized why we why would the new Palpatine clone have burnt fingers because he and looked just like a so real person because before he turned into Palpatine he was just Chancellor Palpatine you know Chancellor Palpatine must have been a clone of him all along yeah because they never called him Sidious they called him Palpatine yeah so Palpatine is is the source of everything evil the source of all sits well this is all horribly horsing he looked he probably what in his younger days a thousand two thousand years ago he probably looked like Chancellor Palpatine okay so he cloned himself created a guy named Palpatine Chancellor Palpatine who then became Darth Sidious oh okay so you're saying the person we saw at the end of this movie we technically have never seen before right let's that woods bees dammit snark yeah why why there were no other Palpatine's I have no idea look it's Maz Kanata because that that's their excuse for saying Palpatine died it would have been better if well you know you show Palpatine falling down and that the big blue energy blast comes up and he's just like falling down he it's like a force bubble around him ah and he lands in some corridor and oh I've got to get out of here and he runs into a ship that would have been more more appropriate or better you know what I mean what I think he just survives the explosion and he's floating around for a bit before his henchmen pick him up Leia survived space yeah I mean like when we see the Death Star number to explode like it is completely obliterated yeah like to the and then there is so much wreckage down there it's completely obliterated yet you've still got like the [ __ ] whole event on that planet I know it was [ __ ] Adams right at some point I'm willing to look the other way well are you sure sure but but it's fine that that was a good reason to have him still be alive I mean he's powerfully strong you know either way it negates Vader's sacrifice of throwing him down the pit so but who cares anymore [Laughter] [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] I mean I don't know let me ask you yeah a shocking question did which one do you like better the last Jedi are this oh this that's a tough question I don't know if I can answer it especially after we just saw this one and take some time so the last Jedi for all of its problems at least it felt like it was trying to have themes you know about like real Luke versus everybody's sort of mythical idea of who Luke is and this is just like a bunch of garbage this is just like a bunch of nonsense like what can we do to salvage this and like overcompensating by having too much in it so I don't think either of them are particularly good but I think last Jedi is probably more interesting for the record I'm I'm not particularly in love with any of these well that's yeah that's a yeah we've known that for a while I would I would probably lean towards last Jedi at this point but I understand the position that a abrams and company were put in to try and satisfy the fan base satisfy those who didn't like last Jedi who satisfy those who did make their money yeah the problem is you don't have like we're saying you don't have an overall plan so you don't have an overall like core or like central kind of conflict for these characters they're just winging it right and so like I didn't feel anything right like Rey during this I know a lot of people don't like ray anyway but you know well you're definitely not gonna like this if you don't like ray if you're one of those diehard like I hate ray because she's a MarySue here she's like healing wounds she's like Jesus yeah like they doubled out like they're trolling the people that don't like gray with this one was that the was that the thing that JJ Abrams was referring to I'm introducing a new force power that's probably there's some fans off she'd uses more force powers in this than in the entire original trilogy combined she's like doing everything weather what is she training for so hard and why is Leia training her cuz we got some leftover footage because they Luke because they killed Luke yeah everyone wants that training sequence it even look like Dagobah but like yeah ray ray healing people like it's like all right but then you're gonna get super nerds and what an obi-wan that's that's a few quote introduced that I know they did a little baby Yoda does ID on the Mandalorian in one scene so they're they're connecting it with that but yeah introducing that opens a whole can of worms about why haven't the Jedi done this before and all this stuff why haven't the Jedi ever run really fast before like they did in the beginning of the Phantom it exactly there's things like that or Luke jumping really high and Empire they jump high on this they do they do yeah I think that's the overall problem though is like the Jedi can can do anything but rarely do why don't they do the mind trick more yeah why do they ever even bother with the laser sword why don't they just always pick everybody up and just slam them into the ground with their mind exactly that's kind of the problem with the Jedi in general well cuz all that all that stuff was never the heart of it no it was it was all background to the characters and the character drama and this new series doesn't have that I mean there's there's some drama between kylo Ren and and Rey and I think that was the best part of the movie me Adam driver is because I actually Harry to this franchise Adam driver is a great actor I just got done watching marriage story he's great Matt he's so good you know it's amazing about marriage story it stars Adam driver and Scarlett Johansson both actors and gigantic blockbuster franchises and here they're doing this with a nice small little movie home movie is them just talking in rooms I thought we should talk okay I don't know how to start it's just them just smearing the screen with their acting chops and it's great especially Scarlett Johansson oh yeah oh many like extremely long like monologues yeah let's see where she's talking to Laura Dern there's an hour view of marriage story by the way yeah and Laura Dern to it who they mention in this and they're like why don't we do that maneuver that hold oh did and they're like ignore that it's too risky it's a one-in-a-million shot we can't do it again because the movie has to happen I don't know and it was like it's like an 80 yard line it's like they thought of it later yeah it'll never work yeah why not and then the movie keeps going yeah but I know my marriage story it's great yeah yeah Adam driver is so good and I can see people complaining this about the scene where he's talking to Harrison Ford because it's like what's Harrison Ford is he's not a force ghost is did he make taking it way too literal great singing - it was a good scene even though Harrison Ford looked like he just rolled out of bed he refused to get his hair cut I ain't cutting my hair I'll do the [ __ ] scene and I'm cutting my hair hair is like really long and you look like a bum looks money we shave no I'll do the [ __ ] scene they had to call in some major favors to get him on set but you know Harrison Ford sold it and I Adam driver and he's yeah he's the closest the series has to any sort of like real character drama Haman Haman Regan and flat and flipped sides you know Ray Ray became that I'm the bad guy and he's I'm the good guy she does the thing which like see little moments like that or what stand out what does it stand out it's surrounded by bombardment yes of nonsensical action yeah and keeping the plot moving and then there's like 16 set pieces well yes and and all the stupid little things that that that they're I mean they're not stupid but they're little things that are just they you could tell they went back and and and oh how does ray heal him well that's gonna be weird let's have a scene where a giant snake inconsequential monster that she Sheils okay and then um Keri Russell you know oh by the way I have this magical coin that will give you access to anything in the first order she just has it Oh take it yeah oh whoa that's gonna come up later and that's like would that okay well how do we get him on the ship well how about we go back 15 scenes to when Cary Russell's talking to Oscar Oscar Isaac getting--getting she just gives it to him gives them this thing yeah [ __ ] it it's like going back and they're just like throwing [ __ ] here and there and let's it happened so fast Keri Russell always thought where's her eyes were you actually allowed to like make the pew pew sounds when you were firing laster's I've actually been told in movies we can see your mouth making it was it was she even in the film you know why she was in the film because she was on a show with JJ Abrams comedy years ago felicity and JJ Abrams says hey why don't you be the stupid part in this movie you're known actress you'll work for four days yeah and I'll write in your contract that you get 0.5% of the back end and you're gonna make seven to nine million dollars by being a main character in this film and doing nothing yeah what's the same with blank my friend Keri Russell you're playing Zuri bliss like an utterly pointless character well it's the same with Dominic Moynihan who shows he is like one line in this movie he was I'm lost when JJ Abrams produced I mean it a little bit blink and you'll miss me is the name of my character I'm very excited he's in the Lord of the Rings movies what are the main characters and here he's like autofocus in the background the little planet that they go to or she was introduced I kind of like that the way they're like sneaking around with it like it looks like a little like village during world war two spend some time here let it play out remember scenes like and so everything just goes so quick even the things I liked are gone in a flash but now star destroyers have death stars oh so wait since roughly the return of the Jedi era because those those are the the age of those starter stories he was conjuring them at said he's been he's been working on this on that Sethe planet for thirty years at least yes so and then all the people that live I guess there weren't read there were red stormtroopers but it they didn't have Sith powers they were just even though they're called sit through plural sifts it was not part of the first order yeah or even I guess even the Empire but they were just but but didn't they look like first order stormtrooper yes wouldn't they look like classic don't think about it if the spicy for five seconds it doesn't matter we got to move on the Star Destroyers look like classic starters we now ray has to go to this planet I'll get the same here's a here's a magical space coin that will grant you access to the the Supreme Leader's Star Destroyer but look at his horses so weighs almost an entire more than a generation of human beings lived and worked aboard Star Destroyers basically hovering in formation no cuz they came up from the ground at the start of the movie so they were unreal underground did he conjure those people with SIF powers or Sith magic or were they just living and working on Star Destroyer I'm going to assume they were living and working on Star Destroyers he just had his loyalist faction on that planet hidden away and no one else knew about it that's what I'm assuming but I could easily be wrong because it's not explained because we got to get through it we got to get through it we're all the people in the hoods in the in the giant arena at the end were those people I thought they were the embodiments of the thousands of deficits that had come before that was by all I interpret my interpretation but I don't [ __ ] know yeah I thought they were all like an illusion well it's the same thing some character at some point said Palpatine was conjuring Star Destroyers meaning they weren't being built in a giant space factory or [ __ ] willing them into existence yes slowly with 5th power that's stupid but we are talking about Star Wars because really because I think that was their their cut around of people asking illogical questions like who built the Star Destroyers in Star Wars you have the magic of the Jedi which is ver in real Star Wars right the original yeah you have the magic of the Jedi that are that so he's like kind of like Loki very subtle and then you had the nuts and bolts kind of real world stuff that the x-wings and the Star Destroyers that would break down droids things like that and in this they've they've merged them because who you know you sit there and you ask who built these are actual machines they're actual spaceships like who built them there's there's there's 10,000 of them who is building them and how does this go unnoticed it's Star Wars and none of that is important and that's kind of why I hate Star well yes I mean this is like the nail in the coffin as far as you know with the exception of you know Mandalorian that's a whole other discussion Mandalorian a lovely departure from Star Wars a great show it's not nonstop noise it's not perfect but it's great in comparison to this like this is like a [ __ ] show the more you think about it and I think like you know those tweets that we read at the beginning of this are people coming out of it overwhelmed by stimulation stimulation that you're there the premiere and everyone's excited and oh my god seems you know seeing things yeah and a lot of what a lot of reviews were saying like fanservice and this wasn't very fanservice e to me I mean it's it's building on things it's reintroducing things from the other movies like Lando shows up he's gonna be useless yeah I was really distracted during the big end battle not just from the fact that things are flying in every direction and there was no sense of geography but like everyone's taken it so seriously and then they cuts a scene Isle Lando and he's just like laughing because he doesn't know where he is [Laughter] I was I've always been amazed by the the mobility but Billy Dee Williams I was like oh that's Lando when he had the mascot you know oh sure Lando surprise surprise its Lando and he was walking surprised by my window and the guys cuz I think Billy Dee Williams he has a cane he can barely walk so it's like he's like hey guys come out run get on get on this thing under there and then he and you know he's got a little bar stool under him and he's like oh that's Lando but the worst in terms of fanservice as far as like something that took me right out of the movie was at the end when Maz Kanata gives Chewbacca his the medal after 40 years yeah [Music] this is for you [Music] [Laughter] why why does she have it why would she give it to him at this moment it's for the audience's sake it got lost in the mail she found it in the same spot she found Luke's lightsaber oh yeah but that's a story for another time that we never got to it nope yeah yeah mouth cannot I have Luke Skywalker's lightsaber janitor found it it's fine the story for another time it was in her mystery box oh man how was that as a [ __ ] you too Rian Johnson when Luke Skywalker shows up in this and she ray tries to throw a lightsaber away and he catches it he's like this is the most [ __ ] important thing ever and he looked right at the camera and flipped off Rian Johnson watching the whole thing together I free yeah and I freaked out cuz I'm like this doesn't track you can't you can't you can't follow what's happening you can't follow what the big stakes are I got really scared well locate a change of heart since he died right he became one with the force and now he's a little more he's a little more chill he's less like bitter and and cynical as he was in Jedi I you always said last rally the Luke Skywalker a storyline that he's he's you know it's the most interesting idea that movie has and everybody hates it they ruin Luke Skywalker I still think he could have made a good arc out of it you still could have gotten to a point where he's accepted force again but it's a character arc and you get to that point in like the third movie yeah just the fact that he acknowledges something that was unintentionally made clear in the prequels which is that the Jedi are kind of awful like the fact that he mentions that in the last Jedi is like okay that's interesting but now it doesn't matter here ray have your lightsaber again they just left him in a really poor position yeah I think a lot of a lot of little slights that Rian Johnson in this there's an oak in a tank for sure was gone the lightsaber bit well well Brian Johnson didn't create Snoke though just killed him right that's cuz yeah because nothing matters there was yeah the the driving force of that movie yeah Rey's parents are nobody did Snoke doesn't matter all these things that were set up in the last movie don't matter so yeah then what do you do after that he was trying so hard you you scramble and you make a movie that feels rushed because you're trying to introduce a bunch of [ __ ] yeah and have it pay off it's in its overcompensating too because all you got to do is if that's your plan is to like okay let's fix all these things that everybody hated about the last Jedi you could do that without shoving fifteen other story ideas into it well yeah yeah the the the idea that Rey okay ray is Palpatine's granddaughter right the whole time she thought I know maybe they should thrown some clues like no maybe here a part of a Skywalker family you know well if somebody smart were in charge from the beginning and planned this out maybe you could have no no I'm saying I'm saying from last Jedi okay you're starting with this movie yeah yeah you could do that you could you could play with that Rey backstory a little mold it change it a little differently but what Jay is saying and what I agree with is the entire cast other than Rey Palpatine kylo Ren and maybe Leia to a certain extent are all completely useless Finn and Poe and rose and c-3po and Chewbacca yes land everyone's useless they're given the bulk of the story which is to also try to track down some guy who was sent to kill Rey's parents because he might have the wayfinder which could lead that yeah we are searching for to get to the thing that they gotta go get a thing to [ __ ] that'll tell us how to find a thing that'll take us to another thing and and Palpatine didn't need ten thousand starships to blow up every planet and like all that [ __ ] was in there something that could have a space battle another you could have you had two and a half hours to to flesh out this convoluted because there's that little scene where ran ran kylo we're talking and he's like dude before about your parents oh yeah we've seen what their kind of force yeah talking again she sees the Vader helmet and stuff like that that was good you know like Star Destroyer confrontation yes yeah have a handful of scenes like that and one or two little action scenes that are you know remember when they went to the Burning Man festival I mean what was that that was where they had to go to get the thing that would tell them where the other thing was yeah and there's so many like we got to get the thing to get the thing to get a thing and it's and all of that just just confused the whole storyline and and the whole emotional stuff cut the kylo killing Oh Han Solo his relationship with Leia his he's still wavering between if he's good or bad Rey is also kind of not sure who she is whether or not she she's failing at her Jedi training remember she couldn't hit the ball mm-hmm and then she had to hit the ball with her spear I was thought the the the end of that spear looked like a lightsaber turns out it was that's great you know I'm talking about Oh said she pulled her lightsaber out of it yeah I didn't notice that I've always thought I didn't notice that lightsaber on the tip of that spear he really does the whole ending of this movie like I had no sense of where anyone was everyone's just flying and there's 5,000 Star Destroyers and then we cut the Pentagon is like 1 for some reason yeah that's the other thing too and that's another like just 80 yard line they blow up that one and then there's like some line of dialogue about how like everyone in the entire galaxy is now take is now destroying all the other Star Destroyers for some reason and I don't understand this at all none of the Star Destroyers could leave the SIF planet you know here's luck unless they had the navigational beacon from the other Star Destroyer yeah they can't just say pointer just their ship at a star and just go that way they're just stuck there I don't know why there were all interlinked because it was hard Poe had a line about it of course he did one line right and it was they can't all leave the planet because the navigation is too hard just just turn your back to the planet and start going in a direction although all their ships came to the planet and left at the end without any problem who are we talking about now all the giant fleet of all the ships from all over the universe oh yeah at the end but they all fought in the battle in the planet but then they also just left yeah at the end so they didn't need a navigational beacon I remember they they were going to blow up that navigational beacon and then the bad guy general pride was on to him and so they switched it to the main control main ship yeah and then they just shot a gun at the main ship and blew it off couldn't couldn't with once they know they're gonna get blown up can't they just switch it to a different ship can't they switch it to like eight different ships oh oh switch it to each individual ship there you go we haven't gotten all the navigational beacons in stock yet they're on order is it will burn into existence yet he's still working on that why did you wait why don't you do that first Palpatine it takes him like like a year of dedicated concentration with SIF magic to will a started o pal P can we just talk about Palpatine the part that made me laugh the hardest was when he just shot his force lightening up into space and it flew everywhere it's such a shame too because there's like a couple moments early on in this movie where the two of them are interacting and I was like these guys are great together and then like em drivers great likes Richard II Gramps who was general pride or whatever pride he's a great actor it's all just in service of nothing we don't know much about general pride just mean and evil in Kaunas never smile once like all these good actors that's why they go off and do movies like marriage story that's true in between doing big Disney films Adam driver the Star Wars pays for his mansion you know a marriage story pays for his coffee did anyone notice cuz I generally like Daisy Ridley in these movies but in this one she seemed checked out there's a part when she's on the ruins of the star she's been getting hate for how long has it been now that's true yeah her characters of Mary Sue so I hate her as a human being but there's a part when she's on the the ruins of the Death Star and there's that moment where she's fighting the dark version of herself you know and the dark version has the double-sided lightsaber or whatever she looks like she's laughing she looks like she's holding back laughing when she pulls out that the red lightsaber like she doesn't care anything I think I think they said have a devilish green but that didn't come across I came off as her thinking this whole thing was a farce okay that's true but um no yeah she I mean I think at the very first movie you know she's a relatively unknown actress in the first movie so she was given a tour darndest yeah you're probably right she's done she's over this [ __ ] well that was something too that came out recently right like in interviews where all these main actors were saying like they're done with Star Wars after those Finn was like I don't want to be Disney Plus or something like that what would it take to get you to come back to do thin again in whoa I mean I don't know if then you ain't gonna Disney Plus me I again no Disney Play how did ray know where that little farmhouse was she's just there if you found it on Google map I'm Tanisha don't think about it it's emotional it's emotional change the force the force force force force emotions force emotions remember land land luke's ghost were hanging out there so they've guided her oh okay that's fair and why was that random old lady just in the middle of [ __ ] nowhere that she could say the line mime ray Skywalker she just I'm just a Skywalker now I've just decided it she they had they made her old because she's wandering around the desert she goes that's her path to go shopping and come back to her house she goes past the old the old Skywalker or the I'm sorry Lara's home stud many times many times I'm shocked that wasn't a call bag to somebody there's very few characters it could be what Swatow super elderly water I could have been that that's super old lady who said my bones are aching Annie there's a story of my comin to remember her you know I don't remember I suppose Reiki does oh she says she warns them on the dust storm that's coming okay storms coming up on me you better get home quick so raise a Skywalker because she just decided to be I know what they're doing but it's just like she chose she chose the lightness over the door yeah the Skywalker's are always grace it got very Jedi at the end you know join me oh where it's like anti-climactic and not very good no Return of the Jedi they just blatantly redid the throne room so yeah I'm attorney the judge he opens up the ceiling so that she could see the space man oh yeah yeah I'm going to die and you know and just with lots more strobe lights yes yes and join me those are the more interesting stuff in the movie everything every other character did was boring remember the magic space dagger Oh disappeared oh yeah no well that guided them to the wreckage of the Death Star and then I guess it's not important after that right no remember she held the dagger up and the little thing came out yeah and she held it up and it made the shape of it it was like The Goonies I guess it just wasn't important after that yeah it was to help her find where the wayfinder is that the little Borg cube board thing it looked like a board nodule thing that's throwing the board [ __ ] I was at a deck I was waiting for what I have to stab Palpatine when that was probably in them like one of the edits one of them re yeah yeah there's things like that like at the end when Lando that girl sits next to him I thought there was gonna be like revealed that that's his daughter or something I can feel like maybe that's something that was in I'm assuming that's just we don't have time it's possible I even put that in the movie then why have Lando meet this random Carrie why why you have posed old flame show up well I have that random character at all why have the horses yeah there's so much it should have just been cut out so the magical space dagger where did that get found that got found on the planet with all the rave dancers everything got sucked down into the beads yeah that'll suction the movie felt like more Indiana Jones than anything else hurt there's quicksand and then there underground tunnels in on the road on their own some archaeological stuff even-even her holding the dagger up with it yeah I felt like him putting the staff of rye in the hole yeah and that's fun shines through the thing and what was it dagger made it had Sith ruins on it it knew to line up with the crash remains of the Death Star and it's got ancient Sith rooms on it before strangely oh the force it's not sloppy writing it's the force a little too little that comes out like alters its its shape but the grooves in the dagger wind up with the wreckage on the Death Star in future and near the future oh that's so dumb but that that dagger c-3po interpreted that because he was in programming didn't allow him to speak language that's why they had to go to the World War two village they had to wipe his memory which someone thought that was funnier than it was him not then wiping his memory no they wanted to give c-3po a heroic moment that was a sacrifice yeah and there's so many jokes about him not knowing not remembering anything they're one of the when I was editing our last videos watching an interview with Anthony Daniels and he's like he's like he said he constantly tried to get George Lucas to give c-3po some kind of moment oh and it was like how about c-3po does this I tried to give him a little humanity and in Georgia's response was icing he's always scared he would come up to George Lucas a guy and George here's a moment with c-3po could save the day no he's always scared that moment mice it's great listening to I don't particularly like Anthony Daniels and he's yeah but that when he tells that story George Lucas just shut him down every time he's always scared shut up and then he eventually gave up so that was probably Anthony Daniels yeah as we go pushing up I got to do something Kubelik in my final film is the world's greatest character everybody because I play him that moment too and it was in the trailer where they're about to wipe his memory and he's like I'm saying looking at my friends for one last time friends that hate you yeah well that's the thing in the trailer as like I'm assuming out of context on the trailer that this is there they're pulling memories of him with like Luke and Leia and Han from when he was younger oh no but he's talking about these new characters that he barely know how does that hate him that hate him but yeah so c-3po interprets the the language on the dagger and it says to go to Endor I mean I'm under the moon of Endor app it's not Endor I guess it did yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah the moon of Endor okay Endor is a forest moon and I think the Endor system is a bunch of planets yes several plans they're not on the Ewok plane no yeah that's yeah I don't think so no well we see that at the very end a little wicket cameo yeah yeah you're right you're right so I guess a crash landed on a different planet even those in orbit of Endor JJ Abrams doesn't he doesn't like space he doesn't he doesn't he doesn't want to understand space so I just assumed like you did when we talked about this when the Death Star wreckage crashed on Endor it'll blitter rated the forest yeah for decades yeah so that's why it was all kind of like flat flat and dead grass and stuff so I really don't know it was on but but basically the knife the magical synth dagger said to go there to find one of the little triangles you need a MacGuffin to find a MacGuffin there are several MacGuffins and that's the sith wayfinder which looks like a borg device to me eyes glowing green and it's like a physical device which is so weird that the Sith would need like a for an ancient magical yes yeah it's like if you're a Sith or you're in tuned with the dark side of the force the the story logic would just assume you would be led there you know what I'm just I'm just delighted when Star Wars ever decides not to resort to space magic but yes so the Emperor had went on the Death Star in this little closet because he was a clone of an ancient being known as Palpatine he should have changed his name when he became Chancellor and took over the galaxy should call himself like look Bob Smith or something assuming assuming your clone theory is what happened we still don't know when we're not really sure everything happened so fast I don't think it might be his corpse from well at least his charred body from the the dead star explosion he landed on his fingers sorry if they felt fingers first when I broke a nail he was he was falling into the core and then would have blew up that pushed him like away and that's that's why he survived a lot of space you sure lightly so furiously it burned all of his fingers sounds are likely yeah the heart of the original movies is those characters and even though I don't love return to the Jedi all the stuff with Luke and the Emperor invader is great it's emotional and this is justice that what this is this is so similar to return of the Jedi because Return of the Jedi well good has its flaws and its flaws come in the second and third act the opening fine job oh we got a rescue Han a little adventure and then after that they had nothing to do with the characters other than Luke yeah Leia becomes a basic like ground troop person and Han is there also and Han is there also and they're there epic love romances now just them we got to break into this bunker and then the the the the idea of a second Death Star is goofy and we have nothing for Han and Leia and c3po and Chewbacca and r2d2 to do yeah except for do all these things on the Ewok planet and that's essentially this movie we have nothing for Finn Poe rose c-3po r2d2 bb-8 or or Egor there they have nothing for those characters to do and they're still introducing new characters yeah presumably so JJ Abrams can pay his friends yes they odd they they had the the lady who rides around on a horse like stormtrooper her name was like Zhanna oh yeah as on our blonde arm I know that because I had to buy our action film it's not Zhanna is it and the two new characters in this Arizona and zouri I think so really someone's getting lazy maybe was maybe ones yani that would be shocked if Yanni showed up in this film remember I thought that they went to that smuggler Cove planet to meet Zuri bliss the bounty hunter cause she had components for the time travel machine oh I would have wholeheartedly welcomed time travel into the film instead of we got to go to the place to get the thing that will lead us to the other thing would have made for a bigger mess yeah I would have welcomed a bigger amount yeah I'd say the final act of this movie is a pretty big mess just visually viscerally that's already got kind of like fun schlock to me where it's just like nonsense and the emperor's hamming it up yeah his for the en McDermott's performance is always he's always great always great so it's always a joy he was a little more comical I would have enjoyed it more I wouldn't have fit the tone no not really because they definitely went for a satanic Palpatine yes I like the atmosphere or that whole place he was in - how like dark and moody it was but I guess I figured that wasn't enough so then they turn on the strobe lights yeah but it was basically a Jedi ending our rest of our characters are doing a thing to destroy a thing riot yeah we got to take down the shield generator and they need the Ewoks help and the battle starts and then Luke is confronting the Emperor Reyes in front of the Emperor they got the particularly they even have like the ground battle segment when they have to storm the top of the start story with with not not primitives but horses pickup horses so there's an element that not non-technological element there's people that are riding around horses and living off the land because they're former stormtroopers so there's an Ewok e thing going on there that JJ Abrams Richard knows how to remake other people's movies you said it a million times Star Wars is creatively bankrupt wait a minute fin early on on this movie says ray I have to tell you something when they think they're gonna die and then he never tells her I think I don't know I don't know why they left it in the movie but I'm assuming they were going for like a love plot like sure he does this whole thing is like in the first two movies yeah he's always concerned about where's ray what's happening to ray how's ray but if not gonna have a payoff for that I pay off oh yes they ran out of time rich the movies coming out in two days we got to stop editing was there so much in the movie that they just couldn't they couldn't edit it properly I mean that's some of the stories they're saying that yeah there's just lots of different edits and Rihanna's of this movie so who knows his scotum tell her that he's gay so we got our first case don't worry we have that in this movie though there is two two out-of-focus females in the background kiss so progressive radio disney there was that old lady is that a lady the bird lady yeah a bird lady she gues was a lesbian so how progressive was in a main character they wrote off Poe is not being gay cuz he did that thing race like hey Keri Russell he's like uh-huh and then and that she yes we realize close during the film at the end she needs to take a mental break she's still wearing her stupid helmet cuz it's not actually Keri Russell she's been one scene where her eyes I think her and her in JJ rooms at a joke but we're gonna tell people you're in the movie oh no no how little can you be in this movie and how much money from the back end can you make and it's like a private joke that's easy your eyes for five seconds and the rest of the time it's just a like and she did she did her voice over and like the sound booth with like an afternoon uh so she was on camera her eyes for for ten seconds and then she was in the sound sound studio for half a day right and now she's gonna make ten million dollars yep at least a couple million and and she had a body double like in her Zuri bliss costumes or helmet off yeah but at the end she's you don't even see her face and Poe is like huh he's doing like a how about you and I like he started doing this which I thought was weird for Star Wars it was implied that they were might have been a thing way back when and then she goes mmm and then he walks out of frame that was got a case of the not gay yes make poet fit game make him super gay why the [ __ ] not that's how they come across in this movie just do it there was some interview with Jared JJ Abrams where he was like doing that like wishy-washy like they again maybe there could be where Disney we're progressive except not really we just want to get the illusion they're so phony is this a new term passive progressive it's like a play on passive aggressive because to remember has listen Josh GAD Slyke minor character Beauty and the Beast yeah he's a sporty character he's gay you see him dancing with a guy in one shot look how progressive we are we wouldn't do it with a baby character do you imagine Finn and Poe like like kissing like I mean like I wouldn't care a majority of people wouldn't care but it would be it would be a thing if they did that then Star Wars fans would complain about it on the Internet some Star Wars and they don't complain about anything on the internet no half of them would complain half of them would champion it yes because we're in like split down the middle polish everything yes Star Wars but yeah Finn is not in love with Rose yep because remember he's like she's like I would come with you he's like Nana now stay back and then he tea pets are on the shoulder he's like stay back buddy she's clearly in the friend zone she's been put in the friend zone even though she smooched them and the last Jenna sees market research says they don't want you in this much of the film you stay here and she she basically almost killed herself to save him like and then he gives her for that she gets a pat on the shoulder and stay back here buddy [Music] [Laughter] [Music] finn and rey had good chemistry on-screen they shouldn't have spend the entirety of the last Jedi apart I think Poe and Finn are good together too like they'd seen oh yeah the force awakens when they're escaping they getting the the TIE fighter or whatever and they're trying to escape like those who are good together and then they're separate for the entire rest of that movie and all the next movie yeah they got like a little buddy cop vibe go yeah one's a little more anal retentive and one's a little more like loose juicy hotshot guy regardless of whatever flaws the movies had those characters or actors do have good chemistry together they do makes you wish they were in a real movie yeah yeah my personal opinion all of Star Wars is just a fluke take it a little easy you may be the hottest bush pilot this side of Mos Eisley but those little sky hoppers are dangerous keep it up one day whammo you're gonna end up a dark spot on the down side of a canyon wall so oh yeah Empire the Empire Strikes Back is the linchpin that is holding this house of cards together the first one was a disastrous film until marshal Lucas and and everything and breakthrough special effects saved it yeah yeah and and and music yeah and John Williams score it was it was like a perfect storm and George Lucas was you know he was he was the second luckiest man in show business after Ringo Starr I got to space things and there's a monster or hundreds of towns and people make this work you say you say the second luckiest George Lucas sold Star Wars for four billion dollars [ __ ] alright nevermind and and let's also very briefly to close out our review address the people the comments that say we'll know do the prequels look so bad yeah yeah they do yeah they're not better because these new ones aren't great it doesn't somehow make the prequels better prequels still are bad but like literally none of the characters and the prequels are likeable or interesting stories make no sense and everything about those movies and that's the thing about this like it they look great the effects are great the the actors are good and it's just yeah it's the stories of flagging I will say at least the prequels are fun to make fun of there's so many baffling weird things in them and these movies are just so bland and kind of forgettable a nice blend would have been having some of Lucas's ideas in this new trilogy I know he was talking about like the Wills and the force and all this like he's it's more George Lucas weirdness basically yeah yeah yeah and they're like no we don't want your ideas you know they're too weird and but blending that and kind of mixing that with some modern-day talent and kind of figuring out a new way to go they really need to plan this stuff out what do you do with Star Wars now where do you go there's a whole bunch of high paid people asking themselves this question right now as though as they watch the reviews come in the many sound a little more panicked than you though this just thinks it's out of gas you know it's it's very hard to nail down exactly what to do with Star Wars I think the Mandalorians on the right track um in terms of just scaling things back like that episode where they're on the space station so simple force five characters total things one always said it's fascinating to see the contrast between the hats yeah and then this movie [ __ ] smacked in the face by the movie we're doing recommendations no no we're not doing them or no you wouldn't recommend it well not if you're if you're prone to seizures there was a sign outside the theater that said that yeah yeah that's the thing maybe maybe wait for it to come out and and like stream it but like turn the speed of the movie down to like like one-quarter speed oh [ __ ] I'm not gonna have it panic attack that's the new option by Netflix so watch your movie at 25% speed yeah so you don't feel like you're having a heart attack from Star Wars use a magical space corn this will grant you access to a new star just strong that's what that was giving this to you PO for use in scene 312 how did this ship get abode I heard you chuckle oh yeah the guy comes in there and he's like this this is rusty spaceship but they just love thumb they just they just completely cut out how they got on board the Star Destroyer like why nobody noticed this rickety old ship landing and her characters getting off the ship no rich wrong - storm troopers walked up and they said show us your identification they shot him did that really happen yeah there's no series it happened so fast it happened so fast I did not notice it was not like do you remember what did you remember Star Wars you know remember oh yeah they landed the Millennium Falcon that my folks got tractor beams into the Death Star and then they don't know the thing waited for like two hours and then they scan the ship and then they it's like it like a scene yeah like a constructed see the point yeah they were infiltrating the Death Star and they had to be very [ __ ] careful not to get the guys go in with the equipment and then you hear the noises hey give us a hand down here the stormtroopers go up to find out what with that noise then they steal their costumes then they do this whole thing where they have Chewbacca's their prisoner they come down to pretend yeah the communicators network tk-421 why aren't you responding and yeah tk-421 is a problem with this tracer oh my god it's Chewbacca is murdering me and then they have this whole Quinton this or you just have somebody saying how they ship get on here that's that's the perfect scene comparison cuz it's basically the same scene yeah where there's two stormtroopers and they just come out guns blazing and murder them in this giant hangar bay where there are windows everywhere security cameras so this seems 30 seconds long as opposed to five minutes oh yeah it's like eight seconds and then they just run out yeah and it's just storm and they're shooting everyone in the hallways yeah they run down the hallway and they shoot a bunch people and then to stormtroopers come up to him and Ray just uses the force yes she just do that with all of them are you gonna recommend rise of Skywalker's no but I am going to point out that this this entire trilogy has just been a waste of potential yes Adam drivers great III like I know everyone hates ray I still like the main cast I just don't think they ever did anything really interesting with them yeah this was succinctly said well said Jay I know I would not I think yeah I think this is the worst one I think I like the last Jedi more than this and I don't really like the last Jedi either at least the last Jedi took its time yeah nice and slow yeah this movie was just so exhausting and not enough fun like oh it's so action-packed kind of way I'm just like I'm done with Star Wars as are a lot of people it's it's now let's talk about the Mandalorian can I give my recommendation Jay absolutely no no I I echo the sentiments of rich almost exactly you know the cast is good some some ideas are okay but overall it's a [ __ ] and I think that's what a lot of people are saying is it has good parts did it leave me in tears no I don't want to say if you legitimately liked this film you have a low IQ but if you legitimately liked this film you have a low IQ because you are you are watching all the things happen so fast and and the critical part of your brain that that kicks in that's supposed to kick in it does right - wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute it's keeps going by going on it's like being on I like some kind of roller coaster ride where you can't even process you don't I mean it's just all the undulations and the speed and then at the end hey I think that was fun yeah yeah I heard the John Williams score yes it's like you're on the the little cart going through the haunted house but none of the scares are very spooky so they just have the car go by really fast well what was that a monster always give us at a what you know and I think that was the saddest part to for a forgettable that the score was was for being an exclusive John Williams score was forgettable yeah set for the the moments where you're supposed to remember Lulla things when they would bring up the old oh yeah Leia seem and yet all that stuff certain like when she walks into the Death Star's throne room you get that done yeah and so the old stings that would come in throughout the rest yeah ray has a theme I like her theme what is her theme do do do do do do do do do sorry whimsical it's different okay stuff so hey it's something from the series that ever mattered to me it's news to me craze theme what the [ __ ] are you talking about he's bracing from Ghostbusters just for everything Ray Parker jr. see oh yeah yeah that's great they remit they're gonna really make that song for the new movie when there's something stranger things in neighborhood who he got a call fin wolfhard and maybe the girl who was in Godzilla but if they were both in ghostbusters it'd be too obvious what's her name uh Billy Bobby Brown Billy brought Billy Bobby Brown really poppy poppy Brown which is funny because Bobby Brown did a song for ghostbusters 2 it all ties together like the force [Music] remember when I will no longer question logical loopholes in these Star Wars films do you Matt here's another thing that'll blow your mind oh okay Bobby Brown's camión Ghostbusters - he said hey can I have one of those proton packs my kid brother wants one then Egon tells him no a proton pack is not a toy cut to 30 years later and kids are firing the proton packs it has a conner seat directly against the Egan's recommendation his own [ __ ] granddaughter paul rudd will be the kid who gets to use a real proton pack what what the kid the kid brother will end up grow up to be Paul Rudd was adopted it's fine he's adopted swing and Miss requ it I quit Star Wars I'm done I'm never talking about Star Wars again bye we'll see won't we talk about the Picard series and ghostbusters 2020 and everything else that's coming out that just continues to ruin our lives we've never addressed our George Lucas bust oh is that who that is I thought it was Bob Vila it's over though as always remember to like the video subscribe to the channel follow us on Twitter Facebook and Instagram and go see the rise of Skywalker when it opens in theaters this Friday December 20th thanks for watching and may the force be with you bad boys of Star Wars out you

Channel: RedLetterMedia

Views: 6,224,100

Rating: 4.823627 out of 5

Keywords: redlettermedia, red letter media, red, letter, media, plinkett, half in the bag, mike stoklasa, jay bauman, rich evans, Rise of Skywalker, review, star wars, episode 9

Id: 5pAsss_nTlk

Length: 70min 38sec (4238 seconds)

Published: Mon Dec 23 2019

Reddit Comments

[u/DoctorCroooow]

This post has become the most popular (based on "up votes") post in this sub's history: https://www.reddit.com/r/RedLetterMedia/top/

[u/[deleted]]

Mike: Mr. Plinkett saying JJ Abrams would be a great director for Star Wars movies had no impact on JJ Abrams being chosen to direct The Force Awakens.

Rich: ^{You don't know that.}

I about died.

[u/eddyman11]

"Chewie got his medal and I clapped!"

"Did you like any of the new characters?"

"Nooooooo" ... ... ...

"X-WINGS!!!!!"

[u/MoyBwayno]

I've just seen RedLetterMedia's Rise of Skywalker review and nothing prepares you for this. I cheered, I shouted, I fist pumped the air, I cried, I stood and cheered. It's ABSOLUTELY everything you hoped it was going to be, I'm so proud to have seen it and I can't wait for you to see it.

GAH!

[u/th_orus]

"Passive Progressive"

I love it, it's so perfect

[u/relatedzombie]

Rich Evans knows what Vine is

[u/EnvoyOfTheVodka]

Mike's interpretation of an ancient Palpatine that has had 1000s of clones throughout the years is so fucking stupid that I love it.

[u/Alabaz121]

I liked this "Marriage story" review but there sure was a lot of irrelevant star wars talk.

[u/jsparker89]

Mike: but what this doesn't make sense; Rich: shhhhh; Jay: laughs. The end