"Star Trek: Insurrection" sucks my balls. It's got cheap styrofoam sets,
lame production values, and a budget smaller
than an episode of Alf. But to be fair
it's not all terrible. [FARTING] It is the only movie of the
franchise where Picard isn't angry, [AUTOMATIC GUN FIRE]
[YELLING] "Noooooo!"
[SMASH] tired, depressed, or crying. In fact you could say that it's the closest they ever got to capturing
the tone of the TV show on the big screen. But it was really more like a
good two-parter episode thing. But that was the problem
cuz this is a movie. Now First Contact
while it had a shitty script. It had good state of the art visual
effects that still look good today. Insurrection special effects
look on par with Babylon 5. Or a SyFy Channel
original movie. They also got the worst
costume designer in the quadrant. Ain't no one winning an Oscar for
the JC Penney spring fashion look. "Earthtones people!" "Everyone wears earthtones!" "Browns and beige
and mother-of-pearl!" "And browns and beiges." "And dark browns
and light browns." "Browns and beige." "Browns and beiges." "And dark browns
and light browns." "And browns and beige." "Everyone's gonna be wearing
earth tones cuz they live on a planet." But anyway, I mean the
movies ok but I don't know. Something felt like they took a big
step backwards after First Contact. Like they had this movie already
made and it was in Rick Berman's closet. He said "Hey, let's release
this is the next movie. Why not?" Jesus, I spent more on my hair
plugs than they did on this movie. So let's begin shall we. Number 1. Nothing Makes Sense
About the Plot... Again. I'm getting a little tired of these fucking
Star Trek movies not making any sense. Or having the plots
revolve around convenience. Only there for
setting up the plot. And them thinking that we're
too stupid to notice this shit. Rick Berman: "Of the feature
films that we have done," "Star Trek: Insurrection is
undoubtedly is the biggest." Let's talk about the
set up of this movie. First of all, Why is Data part of the team observing
some podunk colony of people somewhere? Data is the second officer and the
operations guy on the Federation flagship. Which has apparently bogged down with so much
shit to do that they don't know where to start. "Our guests have arrived." "They need us to mediate
some territorial dispute." "Oh, no. So they need us
to put out one more brush fire." "We can't delay the archeological
expedition to Hanoran ll." But instead, he's
quote "on assignment". Now this team of people in invisible
costumes are there to do what exactly? Study the Ba'ku, right? They didn't have Data there so
he could use his technical abilities to help them design
and build the holoship. Because that was a secret. And that's why I freaked out cuz
he started to figure out the secret. And then the guy shot him. Then his fail-safe brain mechanism
made him go run around like a crazy man. To me Data is the last person you
want anywhere near a primitive society. Every single time he's been
involved in a mission like this one It's always ended in some
kind of horrible disaster. [BENNY HILL] "What's wrong with you?" "Radioactive,
What does that mean?" [BENNY HILL] [SCREAMING]
[BENNY HILL] "Ahhh, My leg!
My leg! Get it off!" "That was the stun setting." [BENNY HILL] "This is not." [BENNY HILL] "I only wish to help." "This is how you helped
us by bringing this plague." "I can reduce this pumping
station to a pile of debris." [BENNY HILL]
[SMACK] "Trying to kill us all." [BENNY HILL] "In human parlance, I do not
believe I can get the job done." [LAUGH TRACK] "My training has prepared me
for starship command duties." "As a cultural contact I am
proving to be less than exemplary." So why would Starfleet send an Android who still
doesn't really understand emotions or culture? To walk around and help study a bunch of
throwbacks making dough and herding goats? - "His emotion chip?"
- "He didn't take it with him." So what function
does he serve there? Other than to conveniently
discover the plot. That would have gone on without a
hitch if they didn't have him there at all "Next time,
leave your android at home." Exactly. Number 2. Plot Convenience
equals Movie Suck So they try to shoot Data's
head off when he goes nuts. He eventually shoots a laser
gun at the secret observing base. Which is conveniently
located on a cliff with in plain view of the Ba'ku
village so they all could see it. Let's think about this
for just one moment. Why didn't they locate this facility like
10 miles away in the middle of nowhere. In case they had some kind
of problem with the cloak. Which is something that
has actually happened before. They got sophisticated cameras
and monitoring equipment in the future. They really didn't need to have a
physical window to look out of, did they? So this happened of course before in the
episode called "Who Watches the Watchers" And that all made a lot more sense on
how they went about the whole spying thing. By the way, This random episode of The Next Generation is
actually better than all four movies combined. So how did they get that
little base there anyway? According to Celine Dion the
Ba'ku have been there for 309 years. You'd think they would have noticed if the rock
face in their village was suddenly changed. Well maybe they beamed up the rocks. Beamed
down the base in the middle of the night. And then projected holographic
rocks on top of the base that looked like the rock
that they had beamed away... Number 3. Picard's Double Standard. A few years back, TV show Picard,
we'll call him Larry. Faced a similar situation where
he was forced by Admiral Bitcheyev To remove a bunch Indians from a planet that
they gave to the Cardassians on a treaty thing. "What if these Indians
refuse to be evacuated?" "Then your orders will be to remove
them by whatever means are necessary." So you got non
indigenous groups of settlers and their presence on the
planet is the root of a problem. So Picard does his best
to do the diplomacy thing. But after a while he's like "Eh". "Just move the people
or they're gonna get killed." "Move em by force
if you need to, Worf." Worf: "It may be necessary to
remove these people by force." But this time Wesley Crusher
tries to do his own Insurrection thing. "They're preparing to beam you
away and take you to their ship." "You're not gonna let
them do that are you?" "No." And he gets shot down by Picard. "Inexcusable." "You defied the orders of the
ranking officer on the scene." "I'm about to commit a
direct violation of our orders." "You put the lives of the
entire away team in jeopardy." "Take cover!" "And you made it already
tense situation worse." "What you're doing
down there is wrong." "Frankly right
now I don't care." "These people are not some
random group of colonists." "They're a unique culture with a history
that predates the Federation and Starfleet." "That does not alter
the fact that my orders..." "I know Admiral Nechayev
gave you an order." "I'm ordering you to
the Goron system." "And she was given an order
from the Federation Council." "I'm acting on orders from
the Federation Council." "But it's still wrong." "That decision is
not yours to make." "I won't let you move them,
Admiral." "But I will tell you this" "while you wear that uniform you
will obey every order you are given." "I'm also ordering the
release of the Son'a officers." "And you will conform to Starfleet
regulations and rules of conduct." "Nooooooo!" "Is that clear?" Even when the end result is providing
billions of people with life-saving radiation. "We'll be able to use the regenerative
properties of this radiation to help billions." "The needs of the
many outweigh..." "The needs of the few." In this new situation
without the Indians. He now suddenly wants to defy his orders
and risk everything to save white people. I...I...I mean save people
he's grown attached to. I doubt Picard would have
an Insurrection for this guy. Ha Ha. TV show Picard would have
tried to convince the Ba'ku to leave. He might have even called him selfish pricks
for hogging all the radiation for themselves. "but there are times
when the greater good" "demands that certain
sacrifices are made." The Indians actually had more rights than the
Ba'ku because there were Federation citizens. But what the Indians didn't have is a milf that wanted to sit on Picard's
face and cock tease them the whole time. "But I have 318 days
of shore leave coming and..." But hey at least he's gonna
get some on shore leave. "...I intend to use them." That'll be the next movie. We'll call it "Star Trek:
His Erection". Ha Ha Ha. Number 4. Eureka! I Don't Get It!? To make this dumb movie look
like it has some kind of mystery plot We're forced to sit through a sequence
that makes no sense on so many levels. I don't even know
where to start. So, I'm just gonna
dive right in. Ha Ha Ha. Maybe I should have
drowned my wife. Then I'd still have my Caddy. Maybe I'll drown.
my new wife Bambi If she gets on my fucking nerves and starts asking about my
life insurance policy again. Anyway, so on the day of lightning
which was last Thursday, I think. Data must have been about to
discover the location of the holoship. Which was hidden in a lake to
prevent someone from finding it. Even though they find
it without any problem. When they don't even
know what they're looking for. Then even though the Ba'ku
claimed to have rejected all technology. "We believe that when you create
a machine to do the work of a man," "you take something
away from the man." They've built a complex
machine. They used to drain the lake for no other reason other than
to discover a hidden holoship. So after they drain out the water
we see how large this holoship is And where the water line would've
been in order to have this ship underwater. Meaning that the dock that they
are now standing on after the draining either was underwater all this time or
the Ba'ku had built a dock under the water. If the holoship didn't displace
any water and was still submerged. Then draining the lake to
the point to reveal the holoship would have left the dock
hanging off the edge of a cliff. Or well above the waterline. Which isn't what
happens in the movie. In the movie, the dock is still on the
water and the holoship towers above them. Which means that the dock
must have been under the water. Like the Ba'ku built the dock
underwater or it was submerged. Which means the dock would either be wet,
covered in seaweed, or something. And if that were the case, the Ba'ku would have noticed that the
water was much higher than it used to be. So basically none
of this makes sense. But what really doesn't
make any sense is why didn't they just put the holoship like
five hundred miles away on another continent. or in fucking orbit. "This ship is equipped with
14 long-range transporters." They were planning to transport
the people unto the ship anyways. So why hide it in a lake? Other than to have
Picard and Data discover it to create the illusion that this movie
is some kind of interesting mystery plot. Someone also please tell me the logic of
having to hide something that's invisible. So then Picard and Data and wherever her
name is take a rowboat out to the holoship. And then they climb up a set of invisible stairs
to get on board the ship and look around. Climb on board with ease. But in the next scene, the girl falls
50 feet out the same entrance hatch. And then they
decloak the ship. To reveal that there
were no stairs there and they really couldn't
have climbed up with ease. How the fuck did
they get up there? Nothing makes sense. Even my life. Number 4. Holo-Ship or Holo-Plot? Now the holoship itself
don't make much sense. In fact the entire reason behind
it is self-defeating and stupid. You see there would be no
movie if Admiral Old Man had said, "Attention Ba'ku!" "This is a Federation planet." "The Federation Council has
said they want you out of here." "We'll take you to a new planet
where you can choose to stay here." "But we're doing something
that will kill you what you do." "Please do not
resist us. Thank you." "If you have any further
questions please go to:" "www.BakuDeathCamp.com" "And there to find some more information
about our plan and what will happen to you." Instead they got this lame
holoship scenario. Which is almost like
me telling my grandkids that I'm gonna take them
to Disneyland in the car. But what we're really going is
just to give them a catheter put in. Eventually they'll realize that we're not
going to Disneyland when we get there. And the only Mickey
they're gonna meet is a black nurse who's gonna
shove a tube up my dick. My point is, Why bother to create this
elaborate deception for the Ba'ku? They're just gonna
find out eventually. Sure a holoship might
trick them for a day or two. But when they find that they can't
eat food made of light and force fields, And their piss and shit
is sliding around the floor. They might be on to us. They're certainly gonna think something's
wrong when they wake up on a new planet. "You go to sleep one
night in the village," "wake up the next morning
on this flying holodeck." Also the notion that the entire Ba'ku
village all sleeps at the same time, like a children's storybook.
It's pretty stupid. There's always gonna be that
one couple that's up at 3:00 a.m. arguing about who drank the
last can of Milwaukee's Best. Look just relocate the
fucking people, okay. It's what we did with
the Indians on earth. And look how that turned out.
We have so many wonderful casinos. That's where I met Bambi,
a new wife. She's 19 and she's on drugs. [CASINO SOUNDS] Number 5. More Convenience Then
a 24-hour Walgreens. Either Picard knows his crew really
well or they know him really well. In either case, in this scene
so many assumptions are made that everything fits neatly
together for the next scene. First off, Picard whom at this
point thinks he's acting alone heads down to the storage room to load
up on guns and weapons to bring with them. To a planet of pacifists
that hate weapons. "The moment we pick up a weapon,
we become one of them." "We lose everything we are." So why exactly
was Picard traveling with: "Seven metric tons
of ultritium explosives," "eight tetryon pulse launchers," "and 10 isomagnetic
disintegrators." Even at the end of the
film during all the action, We don't even see one able-bodied male
picking up a gun to help defend the people. Then the crew come down and they all
seem to know or assume ahead of time which ones are going with
and who's staying on the ship. Maybe they read
the script in advance. Riker and Geordi end up staying on the
ship. So they're wearing their uniforms. Everybody else is dressed in
the Ba'ku JC Penny fashions. Of course all this was done ahead
a time without Picard knowing. So what if Picard says, "Hey, Dr. Crusher you stay behind." "Geordi, I want you coming
down to the planet down." [RECORD SCRATCH] Then what? Then they'd both have to
go back to their quarters and change. That would have been awkward. "I feel obliged to point out
that the environmental anomalies" "may have stimulated certain
rebellious instincts common to youth," "which could affect
everyone's judgment." "Except mine, of course." "Data, please respond." Number 6. Ba'ku Birth Control.
PULL OUT! PULL OUT! The Ba'ku like to Ba'ku. This is obvious based on how Octomom wants
to rub her twins on both of Picard's heads. "It's been 300 years
since I've seen a bald man." [BOING] They seem like a
normal group of folks. And while yes they're
technically aliens. They appear to be very similar
to humans in a lot of respects. When Picard meets the
little stupid kid he says, - "I suppose you're 75."
- "No, I'm 12." So the kid was born
12 years ago, eh? And by year I assume
they mean earth year. Now I've examined this
film with a team of perverts. And we've discovered that there are about 30 or so
random kids in that age range running around
the Ba'ku village. Meaning that 30 or so couples had
children roughly 10 to 12 years ago. So in order for the current
number of Ba'ku to be 600. That small group that
that guy referred to... "A small group of us set off..." Shut up! I'm talking! Well, they would have
been like 20 people. Or ten couples. Having only one or two
children every ten years or so. So not accounting for the
issue of generational inbreeding. But the other problem is that most couples
Ba'ku more than one time every ten years. And these people don't age. They stay in sexual maturity
for hundreds of years. This observation is based on
the fact that a 300 year old woman wants to access Picard's
manual steering column [MARVIN GAYE - LET'S GET IT ON] So the Ba'ku don't become old
folks like me who wear diapers. I mean just old folks like me. And statistically it's true that
people that live in rural areas have more children
than those that don't. Farm living is slow, dull. And when it ain't harvest season
there's little to do other than Ba'kuing. Bambi and I Ba'kud in
the bathroom at the casino. But she kept asking me if I
had any pills she could score. She's such a wonderful lady. On the TV show a colony
ship crashed into a planet. In just 90 years their
population grew to: "15,253, sir." "15,000?!" So after 309 years
by my calculations the Ba'ku should have a population
of roughly 3,745,916 people. This is based on an exponentially
driven population multiplication effect. Further multiplied by a
species that does not age, lives in a rural area, and does not have access to modern
date birth control or prophylactic. [MARVIN GAYE - LET'S GET IT ON] Number 7. Strange Bedfellows. The main villain in Insurrection
is a guy named Ru'afo. Who's played by Candace Bergen. Ru'afo and the rest of the Son'a,
well they used to be Ba'ku. "A century ago, a group of
our young people wanted..." Shut up, I'm talking. But my real question is:
Where is the Admiral's ship? "That's our ship." That's your ship? That's the ship that all the
Federation people came on? A little shuttle? Admirals always travel around
in style on big Federation ships. The very least
an Excelsior class. But this situation requires
even more attention. Because we're dealing with a truly
priceless advancement in technology. And we're also working with a really
sketchy alien race that look like monsters. And they got five
huge powerful warships. What's to stop them from just
killing all the Federation people, taking the goods and leaving. A couple of ships on our side would strengthen
our hand a little in preventing that. But a starship or two there
would mess up the plot. Does anyone even think about the
details of the movie before they make it? I honestly don't think that anybody really
cared about what movie they were making at all. I think they're all just
glad to be working. Glad to be working. Just glad to
be working. Glad to be working. Just glad to be working. Really just glad to be working. Glad to still be working. Glad to be working. Glad to not be dead. Really glad to be working. Number 8. Things Continue to
Keep Not Making Sense. Why is Geordi at
the Conn station? Shouldn't he be at the engineering
station or in engineering. Fuck you that's lazy. So Picard and Worf
are on a shuttle. And Picard tries to make
a connection with Data by singing a play they
were rehearsing earlier. Now he's on some
random shuttlecraft. And by pressing just two buttons he's
able to bring up the play "H.M.S. Pinafore" How does a two button command bring up
such a specific thing on a computer screen? Now in normal operations
when doing a pretty basic task. It seems like they always
press a million buttons. Even when nothing is going
on they're pressing buttons. "So, how was the reunion?" But pressing two buttons
brings up an obscure play. Even pressing two buttons on
the Son'a ship secures the bridge. "Secured the bridge." Good thing he didn't hit
the wrong second button. He could have brought
up a sing-along play. So the first time we see that
guy, he's wearing that outfit. Then at night he's
still wearing that outfit. And then the following
day still wearing that outfit. Hey asshole! Get
some new clothes. Back to when Worf and Picard
are flying around the sky. Somehow damage to the shuttle causes
a nozzle to turn on in the background. And begin spraying out of
benign white smoke into the cabin. Like they were on the set of
a cheap science fiction movie. Worf then goes to the back of the cabin
to press a button to shut off the nozzle. Soon after he gets back the shuttle
starts spinning round and round. But for some reason they
don't fly out of their seats and get thrown about
all over the cabin. Even though they're
not wearing seatbelts. What's holding them there?
Centrifugal force? Eh, they're not
spinning fast enough. Some kind of gravity
thing or inertial dampeners. Wrong! Cuz people fly out of the
chairs all the time in Star Trek. So why aren't they bouncing around
the cabin breaking all their bones and suffering horrible injuries. Oh wait, cuz it's
not part of the plot. So that Ba'ku fuck head
admits to trying to fix Data. "There was a phase variance in his positronic
matrix which we were unable to repair." But with what tools? I thought they
rejected technology. Or do they have some kind of secret
area filled with technological equipment they need when they're dumb
Amish philosophy fails them. In this next scene when
there's an explosion some stuntmen are pulled off a bridge
at the same time by invisible cables. Now this is never explained
any time during the film. Why was this cable
system in place? And more importantly why were some
stuntmen there disguised as Ba'ku? And why were they practicing this
movie stunt during a town emergency? They should have been
helping people escape. And not rehearsing for
their gig at Universal Studios At night on the Ba'ku planet
things look so scenic and well-lit. But we don't see any
artificial lights on the home. And I didn't see
a moon anywhere. So where's all that
light coming from. Even if there was a moon
and a Sun just like Earth. How is it shining and reflecting
earth like lighting conditions? When there's all that
fucking red gas everywhere. It's cuz they just filmed in California and didn't
bother with making this planet look truly alien. Fuck you, Rick Berman! Fuck you! You lazy
ass motherfucker! "Have you ever experienced
a perfect moment in time?" [MUSIC] - "A perfect moment?"
- "When time seemed to stop" "and you could almost
live in that moment?" [MUSIC] "Seeing my home
planet from space." [RECORD SCRATCH] [CRICKETS] Number 9. Symphony of Stupid. Insurrection is a
symphony of stupid. It's like Beethoven's
Symphony Number 5. But for below average Hollywood
hack job filmmakers and producers. The day of reckoning is here. I'm like Sinead O'Connor. And you're like a
picture of the Pope. Prepare to get torn up. So if Picard and his entire
senior staff are rebelling. And Riker is technically
disobeying orders. "No uniform, no orders." - "Open hailing frequencies."
- "Frequencies open, sir." "Stand ready to initiate
transporter code 14 at my signal." "You have got orders, commander,
and I expect you to follow them." "Captain, how could I look
at another sunrise knowing..." Shut up! I'm talking! And also commanding the
Enterprise while disobeying orders. Then why not use the resources of
the Enterprise to move the Ba'ku quickly? They could beam all 600 people from
the town to right outside of the caves. "Inside the caves quickly!" Using all the transporters
in like 23 seconds. Then they could have
them all hide in the caves and the Enterprise could
hightail it out of the briar patch. Or at the very fucking least if
you're taking down the captain's yacht then use that ship to help on the
surface while you're evacuating people. Data could fly it around. Extend the shields. Use it to shoot tachyon things around
to interfere with their transporters. He could fire at the isolinear
tagged drones and so on. Couldn't have hurt. On that note where did they
leave the Captain's Yacht? Was it back in town? Does that mean Data ran all the way back to town
to get it in order to take it up into space? "One person aboard.
It's the android." "He's no threat." Um, hey Ru'afo, remember
in the beginning of a movie? "Your android has turned
dangerously violent captain." The android has been nothing but
the biggest problem to you ever. "He must be destroyed." "He's no threat." [SCREAMING] Also how and when did
the holoship end up in space? So then instead of some
time wasting complex plan involving tricking Ru'afo into
thinking he was on his own bridge deploying the collector. Why didn't Data just
blow up the collector? He had access to a ship. So why not fly it around to
the other side of the planet? Approach the collector from
behind and blammo problem solved. So Chef Boyardee realizes
he's been duped by Picard. [SCREAMING] Then he figures out a way
to beam over to the collector. And so does Picard. But neither beam over with
some of their homies is back up. Ru'afo's goal is to turn
on the collector manually. Picard's goal is to activate
the collectors self-destruct. "Is there a self-destruct?" "Yes, but without the codes,
it would have to be activated" "at the upper control
matrix on the collector. " Now this all ends up
being very helpful to Picard. But why did the Son'a
design the collector with the self-destruct
on it in the first place? I can see a starship needing a self-destruct
function for a whole mess of reasons. "Destruct sequence
is activivated." But this collector is their very
complex piece of technology that they built to help ensure
the preservation of their race. At the very least it should
have extra shielding. And a ton of failsafe systems to
prevent anything from damaging it. Does the Hubble Space Telescope
have a self-destruct on it? What about Fermilab? Or Bambi's 97 Ford Escort. Does everything in Star Trek
have a self-destruct on it? So Picard and Ru'afo fight each other
on a set with the blue screen background that didn't quite work
out so they just left it. Picard and Ru'afo trade
action movie cliches. "Ru'afo, we're getting too old for this." "Time's up." And Ru'afo doesn't shoot Picard in
the back when he has the chance to. Even though he had no problems with killing
Admiral Dougherty a few hours earlier. "Admiral Dougherty will
not be joining us for dinner." And no, Ru'afo didn't know that he could
ignite the gas. That's why he didn't fire. Because when Picard tells him, he kind of makes this "Oh,
oh shit. You're right" kind of face. - "I will."
- "Nooooooo!" So Riker finally gets
back from the battle and from sending a
message to Starfleet. He arrives just
in the nick of time. From what was before a two-day
long trip to the edge of the briar patch. "We're still 36 minutes
from transmission range, sir." But now he's back and flying
into a whole new situation. They used their scanners and see that
Worf is on the Son'a ship with the Ba'ku. "Sensors are reading over 100
Ba'ku on board and one Klingon." So I guess these weird
aliens are also Ba'ku, huh? Hey check your
sensors honey-pie. Or maybe I could check
your sensors for you. [MARVIN GAYE - LET'S GET IT ON] That's right
[MARVIN GAYE - LET'S GET IT ON] Hey baby looks
like you're a Trill. Maybe I could put my
worm inside ya. Ha Ha Ha. "Wait a minute."
[RECORD SCRATCH] Maybe she just
didn't mention the Moogleor or the Watknew or the Plugnoseein Cuz she didn't think it
was pertinent information. What other things that
you're keeping from me? Are you lying to me?
This relationship is over. But anyways. You see they don't even talk with
Worf until after the collector blows up. "Sir,
Ru'afo's ship is hailing us." - "On screen."
- "On screen." "Captain, the Son'a crew would
like to negotiate a cease-fire." So Riker doesn't really
know what's going on. He does know Picard
is on the collector. - "I may need a lift in a minute or so."
- "We're on our way." And according to Dr. Crusher,
a scan of a Son'a comes back as a Ba'ku. As so it should. And they've shown that they could scan
and pick up Ba'ku life signs on the ship. "Sensors are reading over
100 Ba'ku on board." Wouldn't they have shown that Picard
and a Ba'ku or on the collector then. Plus Riker didn't know that the
Ba'ku and the Son'a are the same race. That was revealed
when it was gone. "The Son'a and the Ba'ku
are the same race." So when the
collector is blowing up, The Enterprise beams up only Picard
and leaves the Ru'afo to die horribly. Now this isn't really
Starfleet's way. If anything Star Trek was
always about doing what's right. "No, I won't kill you." "No, I won't kill him." Even offering a hand to your enemy when
they've done nothing but try to kill you. "Give me your hand." But now I guess
this is action schlock. And it's okay to let
the bad guy die horribly. The scary part is that Riker wasn't exactly
100 percent sure what was happening over there. It could have been entirely possible
that Ru'afo realized the error of his ways. And decided to help Picard
shut down the collector. Maybe Picard made some kind
of tear-jerking speech to Ru'afo about how the Ba'ku
are really his family And then maybe
Ru'afo changed his mind. Or it could have been just
some Ba'ku guy helping Picard. The point is Riker didn't know for sure
cuz he hadn't yet got the story from Worf. Heck, Ru'afo could have even had a
change of heart while on the collector. Things could have
easily gone like this. "Just in the nick of time
like always, Number One." "Where's Ru'afo?" "Where's Ru'afo?" "Oh we just beamed you up." "What do you mean?" "Well, we just beamed
you up, sir." "You left him on the collector?" "Well, we thought
you were doing the..." "You know the end of the action
movie thing with the bad guy." "You know where you fight on the top of an
exploding building and say cliche lines like:" "We're getting
too old for this." "Oh no, it wasn't
like that at all." "Ru'afo was helping me
shut down the collector." "He was looking forward to rejoining the
Ba'ku and seeing his dear mother again." "I did the whole
convincing speech thing." "Oh well, this is awkward." "Oh don't worry about it,
Number One." "I know what will
make it all better." "Pizza Rolls." [I SQUEEZE GATS] Email me if you
want a Pizza Roll. Post a comment on this web
page if you want a Pizza Roll. And I'll send you
one in the mail. [I SQUEEZE GATS] Yay! He finally changed
his fucking outfit.
