Mayo Man's Dark Return...

guys i i finally got a haircut now don't laugh okay don't laugh one thing i've noticed after getting a haircut look at look how flat my head is look at what headphones have done to the top of my head my skull is indented also everyone making the joke how how he's going bold i've always had a high widow's peak all right that's not a cope i do want to say i know a lot of you've been complaining that you know that the background's boring there's not really a lot there you've got a little skeleton down there that i've been featuring on some streams [Music] i've even got this potted plant that exclusively grows indoors but you know what it's been a while since a normal commentary video so i'm gonna treat you guys i'm gonna bring back the old pyrocynical bedroom look at that we have return to form we are back in business i am so happy i'm finally in the paracynical bedroom again i saw these memes on reddit of people doing like memorials of it and stuff like it has been a minute look i will get a proper background in i promise all right i just i don't want to stick up those like nano leaf things that every youtuber has also i want to say as well only a small percentage of you are subscribed that's a lie but please subscribe anyway it's free and if you don't like it i will emotionally manipulate you to stay subscribed why don't you [ __ ] off now everyone i have an important announcement he's back [Music] the lord and savior the prodigal son no neck head he is back so last so last year i made a video on this gentleman called ed this amazing specimen and he first appeared on the show tlc tlc or the learning channel is like the holy grail of commentary content you had uh my strange addiction where a woman would just eat sand i covered that like five years ago back when i was doing the the funny deep fake voice i just love the crutch so you heard it right kids this woman here enjoys eating sand i mean it's a pretty weird thing you had my crazy obsession which was the exact same show i think in that one they followed like a stalker around for a day are you from one direction no [ __ ] off this was 2013 by the way this is before like stands were a mainstream thing i think they had a spin-off as well called freaky eaters where they just have like a guy eating cheeseburgers victor lives on cheeseburgers and cheeseburgers alone sometimes i dream about cheese he is the reason mr brest expanded his business to london long story short if you have any kind of life problem tlc will happily take that and exploit it for their own personal gain i'm gonna be a one-man cheeseburger they're basically like commentary channels but with a much higher budget yeah i see you i see you uploading daily will annie i see that tlc [ __ ] on my timeline every day now my last video on ed which was a while ago he was on a show called 90 day fiance and on that show he met a beautiful girl from the philippines called rose now the relationship wasn't perfect i mean there was a couple red flags like for example how she would take money from his wallet and ed the no-necked avenger like he he had a couple of problems of his own for example he was incredibly controlling they both agreed it was a good idea to probably break off eventually rose broke up with ed to talk smack about him from the safety of her own living room freshen up when we meet he smelled sore and maybe it's because of me on uh his hair i feel that that was made up just to get back at him for like offering the the toothbrush he does put mayo in his hair though by the way we've established that it it's got conditioning properties all right dyeing my hair irritates my scalp i found out that mayonnaise makes it smoother and less dry there's a bit in the show where edin rose sat down and ed literally gave her a toothbrush toothpaste and said you stink clean yourself up i've had enough of your snide insinuations but in her defense he does put mayo in his hair religiously i actually gave myself the name big head because it makes me feel tall i'm actually 411 not in heels i'm kidding no he's not handsome and uh 411 he's different okay firstly not handsome look at this guy he is literally the chad king penguin i did a video on big ed with umperville last week and we were just both admiring the swagger that this man has i also like how she complains about him being 411 not five foot two oh my god are you real oh my god you're so real oh i like how she's coping like a girl on tinder saying that you know i'll only date men six foot and above [ __ ] ed needs to take a test to find out where his neck went okay first of all my neck never went anywhere it's always been there it's been a little shorter my inches are where it counts that wink at the end just like it cements him as the hero of his own story we are just npcs on the same planet as ed it's very important for it give me two kids that's my dream okay wait a minute we never talked about two kids we had talked about you wanting a daughter hey hey come on rose rose you said one kid not two don't be twisting his words now uh recently ed went on a live talk show to talk about his current life choices and where he's at and also i want to say i feel the producers of the show deliberately did him dirty here like just look at the amount of sweat on his face he looks absolutely terrified yeah okay i went ahead with the operation so rose i got a vasectomy i had it done i had to ice my my my my balls for like a week okay they make fun of him for this and like just just look at the last bit of joy that leaves his face in that frame that's sad to watch man yeah can you still ride your vespa oh well i did okay that's not fair i did i wrote it into the studio don't make me laugh that hurts oh don't make me laugh my soul leaves quicker now what both of these people did after appearing on tlc respectively is cash out you know you go on a show like this you have a monolithic amount of clout most people laughing at you but still you've got that attention and the best thing you can do is turn people laughing at you into a revenue stream i mean you know if jake paul can turn god church into a shirt then anything can be monetized by the way guys look at this look at this merch wow [Applause] firstly ed has a merch store where you can buy a sticker of him on a moped captioned love yourself because when i think of self-care i think of a middle-aged manly on a moped he also has his own youtube channel with about 50 000 subscribers he makes these videos that are like so bad it's kind of bordering on that level of just irony for example here where he clickbaits himself falling off a bridge that's too close no no no come on come on he's also got a collection of mukbangs on his channel and that like they're up there with nicardo avocado in terms of how vile they are meanwhile this tick-tock is actually booming i mean he's got over a million followers on there but just look at the kind of content he posts on there it is avant-garde [Music] so it's so like if that doesn't scream middle-aged man i i have no idea what it does so adorable man like his dad energy is just through the roof you know he's got a phone and he's got one of those like leather cases on the phone that's bigger than the entire phone itself now remember that i said ed has 50 000 youtube subscribers nothing phenomenal but still fairly decent rose his ex also has a youtube channel 700 000 subscribers that's like nearly a quarter of what i have no it's not wait what's math again literally malaysian tommy in it like jesus do not tell her about minecraft please so for today we're going to watch my first youtube video her main content consists of vlogs like here for example where she gets a man to throw holy water around her new house [Music] but the main reason the main reason i'm here today with a 2017 s commentary video is because big head has chosen to go through the ringer again and reappear on 90 day fiance with a spin-off called 90 day the single life people that basically got cooked and rejected in the original 90 days and then be given a second chance round one right now i'm on four dating apps but i want to give myself my best odds so i might be adding a couple more four dating apps god damn my my boy head my boyhood getting around how how do you even manage four dating apps like you got tinder maybe discord on the side don't worry kitten daddy's here emergency meeting you need a haircut no yes you don't need a hair you need a haircut the lack of self-awareness on this man is just admirable i genuinely feel like nothing could offend ed because he he just can't process anything as an insult he really doesn't look like a legend he looks like a weird dude adjusting his glasses don't you know who keanu reeves is but it's not keanu reeves it's one of the crackheads in cyberpunk that looks like two percent like keanu reeves can we appreciate like the small stature of this man compared to the moped they are actually the same size like they're perfect for each other batman has his batmobile big head has his moped oh my god it rhymed so ed is meeting lily they're only friends but she's the manager of a restaurant and ed has been eyeing up one of the employees i don't want to be in the friend zone so i want to get it right nice to meet you i only hang out with girls where with where their first name starts with the letter l technically mine starts with e wait what's that imagine just walking up to a random woman like i like women that begin with l my name is diesel okay so i think you're amazing and uh i wanna ask out on a date yes yes yes so we can get to know any [ __ ] so we can get to know each other doing it right he's doing it he's doing it right now i gotta like defend ed here again like i am on his payroll the editing team are like they're trying to do him so dirty here you can tell that they're lingering on downtime or like they'll shoot someone when the other person is speaking to make it look like no one said anything for like five minutes i even added like ambient traffic in the background you know that gordon ramsay violin that they pulled from like hell's kit just play that over the top as well and uh i want to ask you out on a date [Music] friends brunch i love it french okay okay i'll take it he got himself a date lads we did high five all right we did it we did it i am so happy that liz and edward are now dating aid full of confidence goes back home where he lives with his mom to tuck into some much deserved alphabetical spaghetti now ed's mom she's amazing and such a sweetheart she does everything for him washes up after him takes care of his clothes any mess left behind and most importantly she is his professional hairstylist here it's great i have a great hairdresser did you mayonnaise your hair and mayonnaised it the day before yesterday but after i dyed it it feels soft i think you left a little mayonnaise under here i feel physically repulsed could you imagine like any date he goes on with a woman and he smells of mayo like he just has to order like anything with mayonnaise on the menu to mask the smell no sweetheart it's not me no no over the years i've had too many hairstyles that i know how to count my most successful was probably my caesar cut where you would pull it all forward and then push it back i went through one mustache phase i had a little a frank poncharello look he he actually looks amazing there move over kicker chad now we have big head literally even with no neck the guys have stood all he needs to do is like stop wine coping and lose some weight and he'd probably look really good he looks like a little kid like look how he sat he doesn't want to date he needs a hug now when ed goes home he needs a shave because his ex rose didn't particularly like his body hair he doesn't want to make the same mistake twice and he removes his body hair and possibly the most ed way fashioned i can imagine [Music] come here little kid where's your paw afterwards ed takes liz on a date to do goat yoga which is yoga you get you you get it and i just want to say as well look at the struggle this man is going through i think sisyphus had less of a task pushing a boulder up a mountain for all eternity than this man doing down with dog oh he just it's so genius he looks so bad man the next day ed invites liz over for a third date and this time to meet the mother so do you have any interesting stories about ed growing up he used to spin on his head like a little top yeah they would get everybody in the room and come and spin on your head i would spin up they call me my dad call me blackhead i love imagining ed as like some kind of like beyblade just spinning as a kid you guys remember beyblades it was like this thing you'd get a spinny thing and you pull a string and then it'd like spin like right there cool thank you you can't do that part of my soul died watching that clip i genuinely don't think i've had more secondhand embarrassment in my entire life you could see her recoil at like a million miles an hour it's like the dementors in harry potter but like instead of sucking away all your happy thoughts they just implant that thought of ed kissing liz all right let me show you how it's done god damn it keep the head down don't look up [ __ ] [ __ ] come on man i think i gotta just slow down i need to slow down with liz i'm just kidding [ __ ] i love like anything ed does no matter how menial it just looks like a herculean task for him like swinging that golf club he looks like michael keaton playing batman you you get the golf club you get i've got a golf club [Music] i've never seen a man more uncomfortable with a golf club golf club dusty dusty have you kissed her i tried to kiss her she goes to leave and at the door i go in for the kiss and she drops her head and i kiss her right on the nose this sounds like a train wreck man you should be dating someone who adores you for you when it's right it's the easiest thing there is i don't think i've heard more contradictory and simultaneously useless information in my entire life women should be easy they cook and they clean that's all there is but then something terrible happens something that will change the course of ed's life forever last night she was at her restaurant i was there at the same time and she was having a drink with um a guy i was shocked because i'd been there all night and she had never came over to say hi it threw me off you know what can we just get a compilation of people slamming their hands into tables please like that that is really needed right now oh [ __ ] no no no i broke it i broke it i made a severe and continuous lapse in my judgment i don't expect it to be forgiven i will bring the green screen back anyways he apologizes for being so forward with the kiss i mean it was literally like like the kiss was and then to make up for it they book a hotel room together how wholesome um thank you for this i'm not gonna do nose kiss today now that i know she sees me as boyfriend material there's this bit where he's doing like a debrief to the producers of the show and but you could just see everything in the background is merch from his store but having that much merch that is the youtuber dream i do not think there is a single youtuber with a more varied merge selection like i know dream he's got these little like commemorative pins but he's ed has pillows of his own face man you can't beat that i mean you know i can't hate on him i respect look look at this merch wow look look at this wow look at this boat wow so cool [Music] and literally as soon as ed solves a problem he then creates another one bringing him all the way back down to rock bottom again this guy has more fallacies and sabotages himself more than thanos and she agreed to go to a wedding with me but then last night basically i [ __ ] up i have this insecurity with her that she might go back to her ex because i think she has in the past and they only broke it off about two months ago so i basically accused her of still being in contact with him which was not the right thing to do he just gets let out the dog house and then does like any percent world record speed run to get put back in it again i'm good boyfriend material right i i really am i wha why'd you still speak to him then why'd you still speak to him then i can tell that she um you know what's upset when somebody's mad at me i run i either i either crack a joke or i run i run away i want you to picture this in your head right imagine ed running in any kind of physical capacity like a quick time event like mash x to get aid up the awkward situation anyway they finally managed to clear the air for like jesus the third time now and you know she says that she'll stay in the hotel with him and then she goes to leave all right all right so 11 o'clock i won't kiss you on the nose oh my gosh i'm realizing how short you are gonna be with hills you're gonna be this now correct me if i'm wrong did he have a tattoo of himself on his leg if you're gonna get a tattoo of yourself you know if you got like big head in like italics or stylized i'd get it okay but just like this is like me getting my subscriber count tattooed on my leg or something there's a lot that can go wrong but i think there's a lot that can go right hey how are you okay okay get me on the side yeah i'll get the door me lady you should you should not be saying that word that that that is the last thing that should be in your vocabulary just just add like a little fedora on him there you go look look at that guys look paracetamol's finally doing mlg again i wonder if it snows at this elevation what is that oh that's like an electric look at all these smashed cars oh my gosh it's a it's a good thing i'm beautiful lord we may not know of big ed's crimes but let us one day have forgiveness in our hearts for him it's so awkward man like the mix of her rapidly pressing her fingers together the fact that his laugh just looks like he ruptured his spleen as well i like how ed has said to himself so many times that he's silver tongues you know he's quick-witted there's a difference between being charismatic and just filling up the dead air with noise also to make things awkward the hotel that they're staying at calls ed and basically says that they've got a room available but it's only a bed together when liz wanted two separate beds because she doesn't quite feel comfortable yet sleeping with it oh we are short on double queens and now we would like to change into a king that is our fault we just want to make sure that that's okay with you guys it would be a lakeside balcony king that we have available okay i'll take it perfect okay he's such a c mollusk like notice how the woman says are you both okay with that it's just like yes this is what i love about ed though and why he will be famous for many years to come the producers will stage stuff like this you know just to like force and create tension but with ed you can't tell whether the producers are telling him to say stuff well this is his own input like he's such a character it's impossible to tell inside the hotel ed tries to get to first base with liz [Music] again congratulations you did it we're proud of you man congratulations [Applause] big head did it guys he finally kissed the woman outside of discord please just just give it up for this man if he has a chance then we all do as well hey pumpkin peach peaches peaches peaches he tasted like a peach last night cheers all right what okay let me okay this is pg-13 i would like to get through this video without having to take on two sponsors last night was off the charts um we um we started snuggling and we started to kiss you look we we know where this is going all right they they did the thing and and that makes this clip hurts so much more but if liz and i you're gonna work out she needs to get along with my daughter so i hope liz agrees to meet her or it's possible it's not gonna work so now ed has one final mission to introduce liz to his daughter who are apparently the same age you know i still got a respect man like he's still repping his own merch in public like you know what tlc aren't puppeting ed he's puppeting them i'm afraid for my dad to get his heart broken but liz looks older than me she looks rugged botox does wonders what only the daughter of this man would roast the girl for looking older than what she is not all complaining that they're the same age what is with this family it's like a family of narcissists the bakers from resident evil 7 were more welcoming than these people welcome to the family son i'm not gonna hurt you sometimes i feel like i'm way more mature than he is in some aspects it doesn't make it any more more comfortable but i'm sorry i love when they pull up that shot of him just wine coping like that that needs to be its own meme surely me when too mad took an autism test online and believed it to be an accurate diagnosis my name is but then yet again after the camera stopped rolling and everyone went home ed and liz they had another argument this is like this is not the fifth one now man i'm bored of this i just want to you know apologize what happened at the club wasn't fair to you and i don't know how you feel i think we're not very good communicators like you don't apologize then add how with bad communicators the entire point of an apology is to take responsibility for your mistakes you don't just then refute it straight after what's that mean with the funny cartoon man with the mustache think it even though i know we have to continue to build our communication skills and liz didn't really land on my forever idea what do you mean forever you you've been dating four weeks you gotta slow things down man come on it's gen z now uni students are staying home until they're 30 now because they can't pay off their debt we've got more video games now than just wolfenstein 3d and doom we're even having kids later now something which you obviously aren't interested in at all seeing liz get emotional tonight and crying i see that as a positive it meant to me that this person really wants a possible future and i'm i'm feeling pretty good about that i mean she said herself that she doesn't want to look into doing it long term she then cries and you see that as a wit oh my god i just think of the hulk in the avengers i see that as a win i see that as an absolute win i would love for this man to do a ted talk seminar of the mental gymnastics of how to please a woman also he does this thing near the end where he like imitates a kiss to her and she just totally blanks him and keeps walking it's so awkward anyways thank you all so much for watching this amazing tale of big head i'm just gonna do one video on it that's why i compiled the entire series into one video because i don't want to like keep having to do big head videos i've got some bigger projects in the works i'm looking at making a second channel soon for like live streaming and stuff i am going to be streaming more as well so go to the link in the description for that oh no no no no no no such a dick it'll be fun it's good it's gonna be fun funny [Music] [Applause] [Music] you

Channel: Pyrocynical

Views: 2,175,840

Rating: 4.9594965 out of 5

Keywords: tlc, tlc shows, the mayo man, Man Puts Mayo in His Hair, 90 Day Fiancé, Before the 90 days, reality tv series, foreign love, ed and rosemarie, pyrocynical, big ed, 90 day fiance before the 90 days, 90 day fiance ed and rosemarie, ed and rose finally meet, reality, review, instagram, comedy, sketch, dms, vine, comedian, arthurtv, yourwetsocks, SATIRE, cyberpunk 2077, CD Projekt Red, CDPR, glitches, bugs

Id: 73ZFPyRC_04

Length: 26min 57sec (1617 seconds)

Published: Mon May 31 2021

Reddit Comments

[u/[deleted]]

Wake up babe new Pyrocynical upload

[u/Avtoplan]

I came

[u/_Azulite_]

Pyro why do you look like you want to speak with the manager

[u/diamines]

KSI - lamborghini

[u/TheGamerboyy]

u/Pyrocyincal pls sex me

[u/tapatiochopper]

Can anyone tell me where the "pyro is dead" video is from? I've been scrolling pyros entire channel looking for it so please end my insanity and just drop a link

[u/ubscal]

Bald

[u/Blu-Robin]

Let’s go

[u/Practical_Zombie_221]

honestly these are the videos i appreciate more. rip asot