The Mayo Man

TLC short for The Learning Channel is a TV network that was initially made to educate and teach content but nowadays has been morphed into this hyper reality TV so instead of learning about hydrocarbons you get to watch a woman eat a brick my name is Theresa I'm 44 years old I live in Bedford Virginia 30 day today and I'm addicted to eating rocks hey Teresa you stay away from my supreme prick though I definitely overpaid for well there's gonna be trouble the revolutionary toy of the year no no I don't think so that may have been the revolutionary toy of the year during the Great Depression I bought that just for the skip by the way quarantine got me bad bro how's everyone doing it's been a minute I don't know about you guys but quarantine yeah it kind of got my hair a bit long now I'm kind of too much of a coward to shave it all off so I've just kind of stuck to wearing the cap indoors all the time now I get it all right TLC very low-hanging fruit but I'm willing to put all that aside because today's TLC video is about the joy of marriage the series is called 90-day fiance the premise is that a non-american woman gets a visa comes into America and spends 90 days with the love of her life and we find out if love truly does bloom on the battlefield today we're going to be talking about Edie a man so popular if you type not need a fiance into the search bar right now he will come up as the first result why not because a PewDiePie shut up because ed Mathers in a few days I'm getting ready to get on a plane and go meet rose the love of my life for the very first time what a general man big chunk is wholesome 100 who got AIDS as a dark secret and it is called Hellmann's low-fat mayonnaise 15 calories 1 gram of fat per serving I'm super excited because I also bought a ring and I planned to ask rose to marry me I could just see everyone roasting and now like yeah what why are you putting condiments your hair crazy you know what he at least has the hair line to put anything in it have you have you seen this have you seen I've probably got about two years left max you know what that's probably double as much time as you have left my subscriber count is now haft since I met Rose I I want to look young for her yeah the tan line on his chest he just reminds me of the ice-cream man from lilo and stitch so I have been dyeing my hair and it irritates my scalp so so instead of maybe just not dyeing my hair I'm gonna rub it full of mayonnaise mayonnaise makes it smoother and less drying yeah the other the dryness would tend to go away when you you smother it in liquids fact of the day by the way mayonnaise is technically a liquid not a solid and they say you tubers know nothing I smell like an egg salad sandwich the way he says that like it like it's a question hmm not sure why people say I smell like mayonnaise it's not like I've been applying it to my hair for the past 10 minutes or something I'm self-conscious of my physical appearance on my man Edie honestly nothing is wrong with your appearance honestly like if you drop the low-fat mayo toned up a bit I'm thinking a solid eh there's actually some pictures of Edie floating around the internet when he was a lot younger and oh it's nice because Rose is 31 years younger than me I feel that we jumped in the deep end a little bit here so let's pull the rod back start from the beginning well we're first introduced to ed I'm Edie I'm 54 years old people know me as Big Ed I'm from San Diego California why do they call him Big Ed because he has a big heart and I am a professional photographer oh my god right there right there beautiful that's perfect oh my god fantastic my height is something that I'm very self-conscious of but it's something that I've been able to overcome because I'm Big Ed you know why it's I respect your struggle mountain let's Ross oh my track record with relationships is not very good I was married for two years I need a minute listen buddy the Mayo the the matrix Jack that you've got in the back of your heads that's all fine but marriage if I had anything in my life that separated me and my Nintendo switch I do I do put the ring on now responsibility and it didn't work out because I was unfaithful it's hot so big he even gave it to another woman but I did get a beautiful daughter out of that marriage Tiffany she's 29 years old why does he look like every boomer Facebook profile picture we just can we just get a compilation of like boomers with shades on there's no difference I expect his BIOS would be something like self-made entrepreneur and then he links his dropshipping scam by waiting to date so long I said to myself I'm never gonna find love it's me and Teddy this is gonna be my life there's nothing wrong with that imagine all the things you can do when you're not tied down to a relationship you could watch anime I'm sure there's at least like nine animes out there I think you yo just came out on Netflix you could watch that video games you could play some video games you could play Animal Crossing plant some flowers buy a fake painting you could play Rainbow six siege normally and still get a permanent ban I mean the options are limitless well let's forget about freedom for a moment because Edie has a girlfriend my girlfriend is Rose Marie she's 23 years old and she lives in the Philippines she has the most amazing deep brown eyes it reminds me that that guy from your tables how he was complimenting a woman's eyes it seems your eyes are as brown as the tree trunks that's a lovely smile you've got there if your significant other refers to you as king friends you've made it in life being called King it's it's like insel holy war you're in church you put a coin in the donation box priest cause you're a king that's like a ticket to super heaven yeah you're a man you're my king my girl I'm her king she's my queen she's my queen egg comes in here all the time sending stuff internationally to his online girlfriend I know he hasn't met her before I think it's a little crazy but it must be love if he's willing to ship all these gifts hey buddy hey hey don't criticize an online relationship have you paid for a significant others have you paid for a significant others discord nitro I don't think so have you even gave a kind m'lady some ready gold do you even remember popular screen share app rabbit I think not move on my man I have been keeping a few things from Rose one is my height I'm 411 not 5-2 not man a little white lie never hurt anyone allow me to reference a world-famous tweet that is indeed a fact I found on the internet any female born after 1993 can't cook all they know is McDonald's Church they phone to work be bisexual eat hot hi remember gentlemen of the Internet lying is okay and if you ever get called out for whatever reason reference this tweet anyway ed goes to the Philippines to meet his girlfriend the love of his life and this interaction is oh my god who are you how are you are you real oh my god you're so real are you real I I've been playing the arch off i-81 the straight I don't know what's real anymore I forgot 3d women existed am i what you expected do you like I expected your eyes don't know me at all more talk he's genuinely surprised like you're the one that let me run a lot about your height do you find me attractive attractive are with you always okay well who you are okay for me I love you that's how we're all gonna be interacting what's quarantine server no physical contact just I love you I love you too oh you want the bids because I want to take it slow oh you're so sweet yeah I wanna I want you to feel comfortable sweetheart taking his time to learn and respect her boundaries if I see it a single simple comment on this video I'm gonna be really angry god so I'm not planning on having sex with rose until she takes an STD test I want to know for myself that I can trust her oh wait so it's not about learning and respecting boundaries it's so she doesn't give you a disease I don't blame him like I've you have you heard of AIDS car it's pretty it's pretty serious man he really should why not watch TV I guess not hey Rose why don't we watch some TV I'll look Rose it's TLC look there's a woman that can't stop eating a deceased husband's ashes from the Mayo Corrine JH glad that's not us right Rose will you keep in it you keep eating cuz you need your energy because today I want to take you shopping and kind of spend some one-on-one times before I meet your family Rose I just wanna you know a little bit one-on-one time me you hold running camera one Craig operating camera two Shelly the director of each scene and Michael the boom mic man it's just gonna be one to one you know but first you're at your job working at the power plant all seems normal but now some in cells broke it's the plan and it's threatening to blow the whole place up I named this not important well thyroid is have detained and peacefully but there's a problem you've forgotten your passcode you tried to contact your wife on Facebook but you've forgotten your password you try to contact your life son on Instagram but you've forgotten your password you even try to recover your email but you've forgotten your password you try to log on to your YouTube account to upload a video crying for help but invalid password now the in cell is one and everyone will die a virgin - Lane could have stopped all this from happening - lanes safely auto fills and stores all of your personal info like passwords addresses and mummys credit card on top of that they offer a VPN service so you won't be tracked when trying to watch Trek - with Arabic subtitles - Lane is free to download on your first device they also generate a managed super-high-tech passwords that will keep you safe for longer including 2-step verification go to - lancome forward slash para cynical for 25% off your first order please please do it the of the Boomer women at the supermarket they took the last toilet roll and now I have to go to the black market to buy more and on a real note if any of you wanted to support the channel via buying merch but don't have the money at the minute this is the next best thing just install the app for free and I'll get a good boy award and hopefully some reddit gold ad over the fact that Rose doesn't even have a jammers made me feel really sad so the first thing I'm gonna do is get her pajamas you want to treat a girl right apart from getting limited-edition to parasitical match you could also get ninja briefs 100% cotton 100% made in a sweatshop alleged you can't just grab from my wallet I want to see how much this is I don't even let me know how much this is oh god damn for bail to guest on like five seconds bro no no keep the change okay okay dad I'm banging right now poor guy look look how much shock ease dude man like you you've just taken money from his wallet sweating so badly Niagara Falls looking ass after 30 years of marriage shared bank account taking money out of his wallet that's not a problem but how's it even it's been about 12 hours 12 hours oh you wanna buy a shirt with flowers offered to buy the man oh sure and then demand for his wallet to spend his own money I didn't want to allude to her being like a gold digger or anything because I don't have to but there's a language barrier I understand that but I don't think in any country you're told yes take money wallet I understand there's a language barrier between these two a lot gets lost in translation but while it hold money money mine not yours I know you're tired of me asking about your past and I don't want to do that anymore I want to put it behind us so there's a test that you can take that's me no yeah it's a it's a test for four I know if you understand it's STD which is I don't think she has any idea what's going on I mean to be fair English is my native language and I still don't understand what he's saying I finally understand what he said about STD - I've been hurt I feel my heart Rock I like how her having like five cameras pointed at her is totally fine there's no invasion of privacy there but asking me to take a test all privacy god we truly live in an Orwellian totalitarian state me home you can hate my guts I don't care about that the only thing I care about is real safety so Rose I can book you a hotel and outside of where we're staying I can book your room at my same hotel there's a Pingo with the hormone okay fake ass sniffle I like how she's deeply offended but she'll jump on the opportunity to get another free room for a night you know I really thought ed was gonna be the antagonist here but this is a major plot twist I may have lost rose and I feel sick to my stomach I have to fix this I put way too much into this relationship not to Google Translate for his apology I don't think statistically you could make a worse apology then using Google Translate as a template could you imagine if you just like accidentally and sew it or instead I just hope this works hmm I just really hope I didn't accidentally call her a for like last time maybe I should learn Filipino instead of using Google Translate for everything so you don't ask me a game for you want that taste never you're teaching me that I need to learn how to love yeah can we can we go back to the bit where she's putting her hands through his wallet and spending his cash can we just go back to that for a second never addressed again by the way like she goes sicko mode because of a test but when she's spending his money without his consent that's fine I understand that when he's asking for a test he's insinuating that she's being unfaithful but like you know she might be a carrier for something but at the same time in Rosa's defense Edie you could just wear a condom can I kiss really I am really imagine having facial hair ever one fact I actually have no idea if I can grow a beard or not like I just ever since I could grow facial hair I've just shaved every second day pretty much it's probably a bit of OCD that or I don't want to be compared to a switch user like hair it just seems kind of less feminine for a woman so it yeah I don't like leg hair it's gross Edie Edie listen bro small small steps you just got her back after the test and the morning after you're now asking you to shave her legs I don't know man maybe just have like 24 hours where you don't question her loyalty or ask her to make changes to her body but anyway that's not important because we now have the final bus of this adventure roses dad oh wow we're not gonna do vomit or oboro-sama San Mateo here yeah okay sure he was so quick to jump about as well like respect the diets all possible Teresa I'm fine free the one in admin a being you know you're here I cannot believe him here I really can't believe he's my home these my life he's me ordinary life I don't know if you guys caught that but that was the exact second I'd just lost all hope and optimism and realizes the situation is in wow she's really not going to take that STD test is she by doing this is insane you're tired oh oh their word electricity I'm gonna laughs it's not funny then Fannie great all right look I added the laughter truck in but could you even tell this entire bit is just wrote like a friend's scale or something men are here [Laughter] there's also a scene where Edie showers with roses dad and I just acts like he's never been in contact with water in his life okay what do we do I just want to put out there by the way there is a real condition where people have an allergy to water it's called aquagenic urticaria and I think that any person with that condition deals with water better than Ed just has here yeah I mean you thought was gonna make a joke about that a little drop the soap gag at someone's expense shame on you having such a dirty mind okay I do love ed he's just incompetent in like every possible way yeah pigs please don't bite me in your one meter by 50 centimeter cage you know with that five centimeters of wiggle room that's just enough to take my hand off probably you know a nice little a little underarm throw a little casual underarm I've seen tomahawks in black ops thrown with less aggression than adjusted with that food but I'm not a hundred percent sure it's true love on her end so I need some more alone time with her before I put a ring on her finger bro like five days you maybe want to slow it down a bit I know the runtime of Shrek was only 90 minutes but dude you got it you got to slow it down a bit all right guys I was trying to do a speed run on this marriage we're going on her first wait how was your first dinner on an airplane it's not just a pot noodle to be fair I do appreciate it been a bit more conservative here he's getting the economy fly instead of splashing our business Edie from what I've seen can definitely have afforded business okay folks I missed my sales goal okay I did a million fifty thousand and I said I would do 1.5 million figures what happens so yay I got some surprises for you really can I show you sure so this is mouthwash and I got you a cute toothbrush this your breath is not it's pretty I'm thinking there was at least 500 different ways he could have said that better darling I changed your toothbrush I want to pamper You with an electric one I started using this toothpaste it tastes amazing you should try it you know be so led subvert not a drone strike and then I got you good toothpaste I'm not gonna say the c-word but it's pretty pretty uncomfortable do you know that my concern is your health because if you get disease in your mouth it goes to drop it's it's gone just tell it to floss and drop it bro and so it's totally that I want to be parents to add a punch I think and a good person if Edie truly loved me along and then I'm f---ing up in the air I know what do you mean accept you for who you are like you're not coming out the guy just says your breath stinks that's where this relationship is just already on ropes you've got a guy who's too pushy and a girl that does not smile unless she's spending someone else's money I love you I love you I love you does that mean I love you I hope it means I love you yeah are you gonna tell him no I contacted the hotel and told them I want the most romantic table in this resort and my hope is that for a rose and I to grow closer together and just relax and just kind of be with each other yeah this table is real luxury I just ignore the boomers over there in the deck chairs and the people swimming watching you eat I wish that people posed to me this night so what do you think so the minute the series is still ongoing it hasn't officially concluded yet but I did a little bit of digging to see how rows in it are actually doing at the minute shortly after this Edwyn onto TV to talk about the show nothing much of value there well you have to know she's engaged to a woman or not right I can't answer that but on roses end she has an Instagram account and on the live video she went off talking about Edie how dare you how dare you to make me embarrassed in front of million people we just had to be a famous that's why he doing that he did not give me any gifts except Brian fancy you're always embarrass me and we always quiet I think I'm mangrove is that like wow she's over in the Philippines Edie slapping up all the TV and of using all the e fame and nothing's really changed for her she's also claiming that Ed never had any interest in talking to her and only dated her to get on the show to get himself exposure like I said the show still airing and apparently because of like legal contract stuff rose and Ed can't officially say where they are in the relationship but you know what I wish them the best they seem incredibly adorable you've got a little Rose running on the money little king penguin ed it's a beautiful relationship if you guys enjoyed please subscribe to the consider buying some epic merch it trick it's very a pick also a lot of you are probably wondering why did it take you three weeks to make this video we've actually been working on a long project since November and that should be going up after this video it is over so it's actually longer than pets cough it's the longest video uploaded onto the channel so keep an eye out for that should be lit like Jesus [Music] you

Channel: Pyrocynical

Views: 2,945,908

Rating: 4.9382343 out of 5

Keywords: tlc, tlc shows, the mayo man, Man Puts Mayo in His Hair, 90 Day Fiancé, Before the 90 days, reality tv series, foreign love, ed and rosemarie, pyrocynical, big ed, 90 day fiance before the 90 days, 90 day fiance ed and rosemarie, ed and rose finally meet, reality, review, instagram, comedy, sketch, dms, vine, comedian

Id: FhRaySvtNaU

Length: 25min 37sec (1537 seconds)

Published: Thu Apr 30 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/banananutnightmare]

Did anyone else just find this really depressing? She's obviously repulsed by this fat little man that's old enough to be her father and is just prostituting herself because she's so desperate for money to survive. He understands this, there's a reason he's pursuing someone who's not only so young and not just like a broke college student in the US, but someone who is living in an actual hovel in a third world country. She showers from a bucket and he's complaining that she doesn't shave her legs. Like I really don't think that's a fucking priority for her

[u/ReeceWasHere]

A big project to be realised that is 2 hours long? Could the prophecy be true? Petscop 2?

[u/RealBip]

Yes daddy bless us with a new video! 🤪🤩🤗

[u/jusimus3]

2 HOUR PETSCOP 2??? ALLAH?

[u/Nziom]

why this subreddit's comments turned into r/arabfunny and r/okbuddyretard combined it's kinda cancer

[u/cuckedkike39]

Pyro, iam upset that you laughed at the man falling down as if he were the cat falling out of the wheel chair please laugh at the cat again.

[u/fishcake__]

gay

[u/RealBip]

He sounds like Danny Devito but looks like Comic Book Guy from the Simpsons.

[u/Growka3]

haha funny egg sandwich man