Lawyers, What's The Dumbest Thing You've Seen Happen In Court? (r/AskReddit)

serious lawyers offered it what's the dumbest thing you've seen take place in front of the judge attorney when was the last time you did drugs defendant on stand checks watch I had a judge ask my client if he could pass a drug test he answered he could and was sure because he hadn't smoked in 30 days case had been pending for four months saw one defense attorney demonstrate working during closing arguments of an assault with intent to kill trial DUI duei drug defendants show up to criminal court with beer we D flick the police t-shirts constantly all their pockets it's like dude this isn't your first second or third trip to the courthouse you know there is a security screening at the entrance maybe it's not the best idea to put your drugs through the x-ray scanner which is even more amusing because such substances wouldn't set off the metal detector if kept on their person during the direct examination of the defendant the PD kept asking leading questions after five or so sustained objections in a row the judge had enough and sent the jury out of the room to yell at the PD during the cross about ten minutes later the judge again sent the jury out to yell at the defendant fell trying to tell his story instead of just answering yes or no questions not to mention he was clearly lying through his teeth also the defendant was recorded committing the crime so yeah he was later found guilty I was in front of a judge for oral argument and the other side proper failed to show up the judge called him and made him argue against our motion while driving and on his cellphone the judge spoke for a minute setting up the arguments for the guy basically leading him to the core arguments and what he should be saying if he wanted to get our motion denied after a few moments of silence the guy responds judge I'm too stupid to understand what you just said that ended the argument quickly and an our favor I mean bonus points for honesty personal story I was sued once well they meant to sue me but actually sued my uncle same career named him in the documents and served him me being young and clueless thought I should go to the trial just in case my uncle told me I absolutely should not now here's where the opposing attorney screwed up they never once tried to interview or talk to me or my uncle lull or they would have realized their mistake day of the trial my uncle actually made it to the stand from the way I heard it questioning was hilarious were you working on bla bla day number please read this payroll statement doesn't this payroll statement say you were working number look at this highlighted line isn't your name rvw 260 yes then you were working number this says kvw 260 was working my uncle said even the judge was laughing as he immediately tossed the case non-us lawyer we once had a client who was arrested for fraud the problem was his arrest warrant was riddled with errors half the time his name was changed to someone else's the dates were wrong and it ended by declaring the arrest warrant on the basis of robbery not fraud the client was actually egregiously guilty of committing fraud but he walked a free man because here the arrest warrant has to be written with the accused full name the exact crime he is being accused of in the date and place of said crime lesson 2 DA's and judges don't copy paste without proof reading people finding religion in front of a judge of sentencing the judge would always respond with God may have forgiven you but the state has not that judge was a boss firm fair and a total baddest one guy I saw said Your Honor I haven't been drinking any more I have been clean for six months God as my witness the judge responded well a lot of people say that but the funny thing is not once have they ever been able to bring him and to testify the dumbest thing I've seen is a guy show up for not doing his community service in a shirt that said I'm not lazy I just don't like to work judge asked him about it and he said it was his only clean shirt everybody had a good laugh even the judge hahaha thirty days in the county pen seconds after being served with a protection from abuse order opposing party flipped off the person who had obtained the order and seconds after that approached her and asked if they could at least talk about it promptly arrested I'm doing jury selection on a civil case in California it is going to be a long trial six weeks so the judge is giving jurors a lot of latitude if they claim any hardships for serving that long after about 30 minutes of whaddaya which ended up taking three days and several panels one guy stands up and says in very broken English that he can't follow the judge asks him if he speaks English well enough to render a fair verdict and he looks confused and says no the judge thanks him for his service and dismisses him from the panel in perfect English accent now gone he says thank you very much your honor where should I put my badge before I leave judge found him in contempt and ordered him to stay for jury duty for the next week usually you just stay for one day if you don't get picked for a jury in that day your service is over during a plea hearing on a prostitution charge the state proceeds to give the narrative of events the SAR starts to get a little uncomfortable trying to describe a specific act that led to the arrest we all know the line he's reading is sucked his long dong but he's trying to find a nice way to say it for the record he finally goes where she Len euhh proceeded to perform euhh Feli show as soon as he says fellatio the defendant stands up and straight up yells I didn't do any of that French crap I gave him a [ __ ] clients said to judge well that's your opinion it went as badly as you'd expect crazy but sad we had an elderly local attorney introduce an exhibit into a divorce hearing of course we object to it somewhere in his argument into why it should be admitted he got turned around and started objecting to his own evidence another time a guide trying to get leniency on his fourth driving on revoked told the judge your dad and my dad were cousins we are family aside from the fact that that situation would also make the judge's cousin in a small County everyone our cousin's far enough down the line unfair dismissal case my client was summarily terminated for no reason she recorded the dismissal on a dictaphone the torrent of misogynistic hateful abuse her boss spewed at her was unbelievable he also assaulted her as she was removing the hands-free phone device from her car repeatedly slammed her leg in the door causing a fracture all the while screaming at the top of his lungs Frick you you piece of crap suffice to say we played that tape a million times in cross-examination euhh I hope there was more charges than just unfair dismissal it was more what didn't take place I was working for the DA's office and we had a guy schedule to appear for a vandalism charge the guy had a long history of minor offenses if the judge was an ax lenient mood that day so the guy was probably going to get off light at the scheduled time he hasn't shown up his lawyer tells the judge he hasn't heard from the defendant that day we wait ten twenty thirty minutes at the half hour mark the judge is furious she angrily tells the lawyer to get out and find his client and get him before her no matter what it took or she'd rain heck down upon the defendant an hour later the lawyer slinks back into the courtroom the judge sees him and interrupts another lawyer to call him up to the podium the poor lawyer proceeds to tell us that a defendant didn't show up because he was actually sitting in jail two counties over having been caught trespassing the night before needless to say that defendant got the book thrown at him at the end of a DWI trial involving a pretty major wreck in which the defendant was found guilty the judge asked the defendant if he had anything he wished to tell the court during the sentencing phase the guy thought for a second and said Your Honor I'm real sorry normally I Drive a lot more careful when I'm drunk had a client toss his car keys on the defendant table moments before sentencing for his fourth our judge asked how he got to court without blinking said I drove why good way to get a quick bail jumping charge for violating his no driving bail condition for anyone else who was wondering that's operating while intoxicated we all forget to turn off our phones in court but I once faced off against a lawyer whose phone rang right while he was in the middle of making his final submission to the judge even that might have been forgivable if he hadn't interrupted his submissions to take the call a lot of clients want to speak up the judge you don't understand but giving them the look of death and a jab in the ribs usually shuts them up pretty quickly they're usually pretty okay I found this gem doing some research one day quoted from the case as is evident from the foregoing excerpt from the transcript the judge would not permit the appellant to speak to the issue of judicial bias the appellant was agitated the judge was no doubt frustrated this exchange culminated in the appellant choosing to disrupt the proceedings by commencing to disrobe the appellant described her actions to the judge as a form of nonviolent protest which would continue until the judge would hear her motion for judicial bias wish I was there for that one I do family law told 11 clients in a row that they could be drug tested five panel P tests you need to be clean for about a week as part of the custody evaluation process seven of them failed you need to be clean for a week to pass everything but toka it is detectable by a five panel for something like two four weeks depending on how firm you smoke lawyer here I had a case where I was suing a lesbian on behalf of her former lesbian partner it was a relationship property case the one who was being sued put an issue whether they had even been lovers or whether my client was just a flatmate or boarder in her home for the several years they lived together I had no idea how I was going to prove that but it turned out my client had sable of the soppy love notes that her partner had left on the fridge most of which were I love you you little squishy oyster and other rebel descriptions that issue sunk pretty quickly once the box of those were produced I've seen a woman pee herself situation wasn't so tragic to warrant it but she was sent back to jail so understandable a man called the judge by only his last name which is great if you think he'll reciprocate the upcoming fist-bump a large number of high drunk and other people say this is bulls also not a great technique in court like the first two but I've got a pretty good one so hope this isn't buried husband and wife are going through a divorce and are having a custody hearing basically the attorney a is representing the father who wants to be able to have some rights to see his son but mother has already been awarded full rights father's attorney is super passive aggressive against the mothers attorney really rubbing everybody the wrong way eventually the mother's attorney snaps and quits back if he was as good of a father and husband as you claim we wouldn't be here would we father's attorney has some dumb butt reply and the judge starts losing his cool another few comments later in the judge ends the hearing no adjudication just takes the filings and demands that the parties get out of his chambers this wasn't in the courtroom itself in the hallway the mother's attorney loses his crap starts yelling at the other attorney he yells back they get into a full-on yelling match in the courthouse then the father who is 230 lb plus steps between them to entreat them to chew out starts telling both his lawyer and the wife's attorney that they are acting like children people in the courthouse are giving their looks assistants peeking out of doors and the wife steps in you're both acting like a couple of kids soon-to-be ex-husband and I can handle this on our own then the couple who is in the middle of a vicious divorce step aside talk for a few minutes and walk back he's going to take son Tuesday night you two she points at the attorneys do whatever you need to do with the judge I don't know what happened with that case but it warmed my heart to see a father step between the two trained legal professionals and impress his wife so much that they were able to work things out the sad part the husband's lawyer saw it as a win for him because his conduct put his client in a position to break up the fight and show her that he is a great guy update for those asking this was in 2009 I don't know the final disposition of the case just that the mother agreed to let the father spend some time with their son and yes this is a true story I will never forget we had a defendant bust into the court from the local jail his case was called and he promptly walked up the podium look the judge dead in the eye and crapped his pants jumpsuit he knew he was going back to prison and just wanted to cause as much havoc as possible people were gagging and there was a general sense of did that just happen in the air I'm going to start off with some context this event took place on the first day of a murder trial in the Hong Kong High Court now the official language used in the high courts of Hong Kong is English and not Cantonese the judge for this particular case was British but the lead prosecuting attorney was from Hong Kong whenever he spoke the judge had a hard time understanding him to make things worse the trial and evidence packet composed by the prosecution was a complete mess and did not include an English version during the opening statement the lead prosecution attorney decided that he needed to grab his colleague and act out the murder in order to get the message across this was not pre-planned and to make a long story short the judge adjourned about an hour into postponed the trial in order for the prosecution to sort out this mess that was the dumbest thing I've ever seen in a trial and I can't imagine how desperate the prosecution was to do such a thing a case where a large gangster type defendant was accused of slashing the throat of a small skinny guy the defense counsel made him wear a large coat to conceal his size and brought in an interpreter to slowly translate each word of the proceedings because he had absolutely no understanding of English ten minutes into the trial a cellphone goes off and rings for about a minute the judge is furious and the ringing is amplified in the large courtroom the hearing stops and everyone is looking around trying to figure out where the sound is coming from suddenly the defendant stands up and pulls the phone out of his pocket it is still ringing but only louder the defendant then yells hey judge I don't know how to turn my phone off the prosecutors response when the judge ruled a document would not be admitted into evidence but Your Honor we need that my favorite was a defense attorney in our courtroom giving his sentencing colloquy this was for a charge of getting intimate with a minor the attorney claimed that the defendant and the victim started out as friends and then physical intimacy just broke out the judge responds what like a rash the defense attorney didn't have much to say after that which was surprising by itself on a hearing regarding a restraining order requested against him a man raised the defense of BiBi trip in restraining order granted a good bless General Sessions Court my mentor and boss continually picks his nose in court I am continually horrified attorney did you call the defendant a busted be witness yes I did because she was going to jail attorney that's not nice is that a nice thing to say when I was in law school my school had a mock trial program that took place at the local County Court where the judges were actual judges prosecutors and attorneys from the local area so one day a mock trial is happening and one student who was a law student but not in the mock trial program is acting as a witness being questioned on the stand this person was getting a little too rude acting in character so the judge who was an actual judge so the judge admonished him to tone it down the student didn't listen so the judge took them to a little side chat and told him he really needs to stop the student blows up at the judge and tells him that he doesn't have to listen to a petty state court judge and proceeded to verbally assault the judge judge filed an assault charge student was kicked out of school for damaging the school's relationship with the local courts and I would imagine likely never got admitted to another law school or if a date would have a hard time passing the character and fitness test to practice law in that state lots of weird people in law school my school had several junkies who barely walk through the door stories like these are my favorite memories this is a much longer story but I'm on mobile anyways a guy came into court on a pervert charge his friend is a lawyer who comes into court with a black suit snakeskin boots and a bolo tie it is glorious how slimy he looks when he gets up to talk to the judge he says I've known John for twenty years and he is a good man but he is not a pervert sir I should know because I am one I miss working for the dirt so at the arrest stage when cautioned in the UK any response you give anything you say under caution is recorded and given as evidence one of these guys is arrested for a scrap and kicks off in custody calling us saying this C word that one custody officer goes sir calm down you realize everything you say will be recorded and told to the magistrate he replied Oh Frick the magistrate and their frickin Court the magistrate is a see caught day comes I'm called to provide evidence to show that the man was badly mannered and aggressive in nature amongst other statements and actions he made I say your worship whilst in custody the defendant did not calm and custody officer his attempts to calm him by warning him we would provide what he says as evidence to yourself was met with a freak the magistrate and their frickin Court the magistrate is a see well that was the end of my evidence and the court retired for a lunch break the magistrates went to town on him and sentencing I only have one was in court hearing a sentencing and the defendant not my client approaches the bench with his attorney the judge begins to go through the sentencing colloquy and the man says Frick you judge to the judge a female was pretty shocked and just said excuse me I said Frick you judge ain't no woman told me what to do in my life sentence me to whatever she just sat there dumbfounded for a second then alright fine mister I hereby sentence you to life in the penitentiary well that sounds freaking fantastic defendant was already doing a life without parole sentence and had this charge pending when he received his first sentence he knew he was basically untouchable and no matter what the judge did his sentence could never get worse one of my pro bono clients pulled out nail clippers and proceeded to clip her nails during oral argument two good stories from arguing motions one I was arguing a case should be dismissed because a decade long delay sketchy opposing counsel says to me where's your authority to show that delay is long enough judge says right here case dismissed and points to his file to opposing counsel asked if I was crapping him when I said despite a typo the motion could still be granted I crap you not he cursed during oral argument when I was a public defender I represented a woman in felony DUI trial it was a felony only because her license was already suspended when she got the DUI her back was point three zero yes not oh three and there were empty vodka bottles rolling around her car I found case law that said the state must prove she actually received notice that her license was suspended in order to charge it as a felony on my motion after the state's case again after the defense's case and a game after the jury verdict the judge grudgingly had to dismiss a felony part because the state couldn't prove the woman never received notice that her license was suspended the judge made a very clear record however that the conviction for DUI was solid and unaffected by dismissing the felony whatever we beat the felony which was the difference between four months in prison and 24 hours in county jail that's not the dumb part this woman was nucking futs and swore she wasn't drunk bulls she was drunk every time I ever talked to her and no one would dismiss her case she filed a lawsuit against the public defender's office my supervisor personally me personally the County Superior Court and the judge personally she would show up at the courthouse every day to read her file and Harris the court staff the judge eventually barred her from coming to his court without written permission she started wearing wigs and big hats and sunglasses to skulk around his court unrecognized and no idea what happened to her after that her back was 3.0 yes not oh three surely it must have been 0.3 or on a different scale from the conventional one around 0.5 is where there's a high chance of death from alcohol poisoning we had an expert witness testifying about gunshot residue he was asked about how long such residue would remain on a given surface his response before the court well I like to say it's like the difference between love and herpes herpes lasts forever you have been visited by the wealth rat subscribing 12 seconds and he will share his wealth with you thanks for watching if you are new to the channel you can subscribe I publish new videos every day until then check another video or don't either way have a great day you magnificent people [Music]

Channel: Updoot

Views: 223,721

Rating: 4.8546267 out of 5

Keywords: #updootst, updoot, updoot reddit, updoot everything, reddit on tap, toadfilms, pewdiepie, reddit, askreddit, funny reddit, reddit stories, top posts, reddit top posts, reddit cringe, comedy, reddit compilation, /r, r/, r/askreddit, top posts of r/, askreddit reading, best reddit posts, top posts of all time, people of reddit, askreddit question, ask reddit, subreddit, sub, reddit lawyers, reddit lawyer stories, reddit best lawyer stories, reddit lawyers dumbest

Id: yBHEAO1WLaI

Length: 22min 28sec (1348 seconds)

Published: Wed Dec 04 2019