How to Spot Early Warning Signs of Trouble (by Older People) | People Stories #2

older redditors what are some early warning signs of trouble that younger folks may not know about serious if you say no and their response is you do it if you really loved me watch out that sort of emotional manipulation is usually a bad sign a good response if you really loved me you wouldn't ask if your company suddenly gets really excited about cross-training people and asks you to do an abnormal amount of tidying up your workspace there are about to be layoffs if your managers managers ask you to account for how you spend all your time or list all the tasks you do in your job they are probably looking to restructure your department and there will likely be layoffs get your resume together and start looking immediately if you go on an interview and something just does not feel right listen to your gut don't chalk it up to your own nerves you are picking up on something that is probably a problem with the job company but can't fully articulate what it is this happened to me several years ago new manager came to the office to assess the department she met with me and instantly i got oh i do know like you vibe i told my boss i felt i was interviewing for my own job and probably didn't get the position she laughed then apologized profusely and tearfully when i got axed a month later when your company gets a new ceo google him find out what he did with his former jobs if his three last assignments were restructuring it's going to happen a fourth time i believe they call this a transformational ceo yay i learned something in college if you feel unhappy because you are being stretched too thin and have no time for yourself that's a sign that you need to practice saying no to things when you think you need alcohol to sleep soon it will be more and more and in truth it really isn't helping you sleep just pass out i used to do this when i finally realized how bad it got i did a 30-day no drinking challenge there are a few times a month where i'll get alcohol just to fall asleep but it's much less than every night for me i try not to do it at all anymore but sometimes i get overwhelmed with stress and depression and just want a night to drink and be alone interruptions are a part of conversation but if more of your sentences end with interruptions than periods there might be a serious problem also in the other direction try not to interrupt listen a co-worker wonders why i am so quiet i'm not i've just stopped talking to him because i could never get a word in if you find yourself always having to make excuses for your partner's behavior to friends and family it's a warning that your partner is probably no good for you on a related note a bad day is a once or twice a month sort of occurrence tops not once or twice a week the hardest lesson i've learned in life is how to recognize that a relationship is failing and let it go there are a number of warning signs that i missed we didn't laugh as much when we hung out we didn't spend as much time together we fought a lot she seemed to care a lot less about the things i thought were important and frankly i probably stopped caring too much about the priorities in her life all of this seems incredibly obvious in hindsight but at the time it was all mixed up with a lot of really complicated emotions we had been together for over four years at that point due to the circumstances of our relationship i had to make a lot of sacrifices at the beginning stages that i felt on some level i was owed to be emotionally reimbursed for yes i realize this is another huge red flag one of the worst things you can do is carry on in a relationship with someone romantic or even just a friendship when it's not working ultimately believe me both parties will be happier without the relationship dragging both people down oh man this hit close to home right down to the sacrifices i know it needs to end but i don't have the emotional strength to do it this one was difficult for me to learn and painful to have to undo the damage bills if you receive a bill open it right away look at it have an idea of what you owe and then pay it at a set time every month or right away never let bills go unopened i know i'm not the only one who ever did this but i knew i was broke right now so i'll let the bills pile up without looking at them that earned me some late fees and put me in collections a couple times meanwhile i was going to see movies or buying drinks etc it literally took seven years to finally get the collections off my credit report if someone wants to break up with you let them this wasn't something i've always lived by but rather eventually became i was the person that would want to hold on to the relationship not because it was good for me or the other person but because i was so afraid of being alone i was the person who would bend and beg i can change we can work it out ad nauseum i was and still am in some ways codependent for a long time i had zero self-esteem and about the same level of confidence in myself my abilities and my worth i was constantly measuring my worth by what i thought others saw in me then one day everything changed it wasn't a slow process or something that crept up but an epiphany why am i trying to hold on to someone who doesn't want me i'm looking for a lifeboat but i kept grabbing anchors i told her i'm done goodbye she laughed told me i would come crawling back and to be fair that is what i would have normally done but a switch flipped and somehow i went from needing someone to validate me to needing to be me that was when i was in my 30s i wish i would have learned to like myself sooner but better late than never the funny thing about that change in thought it changed every aspect of my life i'm so much happier in my 40s than i was in my 20s i actually have someone in my life who adores me and i adore her she's good for me so for anyone who may be in the same boat i was in even though you might not be able to see the shore it's there it's within your reach eventually you're going to find out you're a lot more important than you think you are the change may be slow or it may be sudden but be ready because it's going to knock your socks off once you realize you deserve someone who wants you dude here i spent six months of my life when i was much younger passing up nice girls advances because i had to get back with my ex who dumped me get in a relationship with an equal not someone you put on a pedestal in terms of a relationship criticism too many people don't know the difference between airing your grievances in a healthy way and being critical in a negative sense for example i would appreciate it if we could trade off nights on who does the cooking or i think that shirt might be better for another occasion are fair criticisms saying you never cook i'm not your mother or you don't even try to dress up you look sloppy as not productive and creates resentment good criticism always presents a solution or an opportunity to compromise bad criticism belittles the other person and shuts them down no one likes thinking the person they love thinks very little of them it hurts and destroys people's self-esteem and that's hard to get back once it's gone the clothing example is irrelevant i was in a rush on mobile but i'm glad i could help some people this is something i've struggled with and it's made my relationships with everyone a lot better to recognize when i'm nitpicking or when i really have something to say in addition to what you wrote i would say that if your partner airs a grievance you should pay attention to what they say don't just brush it off or minimize it or say you'll take it on board but then forget about it take it seriously and work towards a solution or compromise it's not really a warning sign but make sure you maintain hobbies and friends outside of a relationship the warning sign would be if your significant other is trying to isolate you from these things if you're walking in the forest and you experience a rain of anything that is darker than it should be look for smoke immediately pine needles almost black a few flecks of dark or yellow birch leaves it's the first and only warning i had that a wildfire was coming my way something smell burning see black stuff immediately look to the wind and the smoke get upwind but do so by going parallel then upwind the fire is going to move faster than you imagine possible if there's any sort of wind and don't assume someone else called it in call and run got the story next level down picture and fire safety tips if you get offered a job and you have to make a payment or the inventory you'll be selling before you start it is a scam run if you have to pay anything at all you're a customer not an employee freaking blue line marketing i got an interview when i was desperate for a job and when i got there i recognized the warning signs i took the bus there but i walked the 10 miles home if i wasn't getting a job out of it i wasn't interested in paying the bus fare back of course they tried to hire me but with no hourly wage or salary only commission you work at an hourly job cashier server host bartender etc and suddenly what's this your hours are getting cut significantly and they hired another person or two take that as a warning sign that you're either a going to get fired or b going to get so few hours that you'll want to find a new job to quit and they can do that even if they promise you 25 hours or whatever a week the employer can lie when hiring it's only you that can't if you lose contact with good friends because they don't keep in touch with you or make the effort chances are they're thinking the same of you the only thing i would add is that there are also friends that you exclusively stay in contact with you are the one that calls you are the one that talks to them you are their shoulder if you are in that situation run friendships run both ways if you are getting older and you have what looks like a pimple that isn't going away or anything new on your skin that doesn't look quite right see a dermatologist those small lesions don't hurt and you might not think they are that big of a deal going basal cell skin cancer surgery can be extensive we've also lost several friends to squamous cell skin cancer and melanoma put sunscreen especially around your ears and neck people forget those areas it seems a trivial thing to do day after day when you're younger but future you will be so much better off that moment when you decide to make just the minimum payment on your credit card i didn't think it was a big deal at first but it didn't take long for that nearly 30 interest to add up and the debt to become crushing this was a long time ago and i worked my way out of it the interest didn't start that high but grew over time as i struggled to make payments the other thing was that the credit card company kept increasing my limit even as my debt grew and it was always presented like that was good news here's some trouble for you don't complain about your girlfriend to your family and friends they will get a negative view on the girl right off the bat and it will poison the relationship faster than you can imagine i complained about my girlfriend to everyone i knew and never told them the good points about her until it was too late and the damage was done in their eyes she was a bee who had me under her thumb i couldn't scrub that away but that's not the worst part my mother had her on facebook and mom bless her soul started telling my girlfriend advice on how to be nicer my girlfriend now ex wondered why my mother would think of her as a person who needed to be nicer cat was out of the bag i'd screwed myself by talking about my girlfriend to everyone but the one that mattered her the flip side of that is to never judge anybody else's relationships by what they tell you in my experience people tend to vent their frustrations disproportionately so i only end up hearing the bad stuff that the good stuff isn't vint worthy so it doesn't reach me i'm not what most would consider older but i will say that once you start finding yourself say yes when you want to say no get used to a life without getting your needs met if you want to move up in your company you have to let your boss know you're entrusted don't be afraid to let your boss know you're interested in a higher position however don't demand or ask for it don't tell them you've been doing a good job and working hard just let them know you're interested in learning new skills and taking on more responsibility and don't want to stagnate this is especially true for retail restaurant work the reason the other bus boy got trained to be a server or bartender and you didn't is because he let the bosses know he wanted to move up if you spend more time helping your friend with their problems than you do actually hanging out and having fun together then it may be time to reevaluate the friendship this is doubly true if they don't offer you much in the way of support some people are emotional vampires who will totally disrupt your life if you let them never ever in a fight with your so ever use something they've told you in confidence or their biggest vulnerability against them in a fight ever it is a nuke it cannot be undone it will erode the trust in your relationship by the first breath after being said even if it doesn't kill the relationship instantly how is this a warning sign many have asked if someone does this to you they are not trustworthy and need to be put into the not trustworthy people island of your life don't burn the bridge but keep those mother suckers at bay and keep matches close just in case the bridge has to be torched i second this i've always remembered this analogy about emotional abuse in relationships a personal insult is like putting a nail through a piece of wood you can say sorry and take out the nail but the hole is always going to be there if you start getting blurry vision have to pee a lot always thirsty lightheaded go see a doctor symptoms of the betas couple things i'm not a doctor and certainly can't diagnose diabetes online only a doctor in person can do that with glucose tests second i realize these are symptoms of tons of other things but diabetes is very common and these are the most common symptoms the important thing here is that if it's strange behaviors you need to see a doctor if you ignore diabetes it will get worse and some of the things that can happen to your body are downright terrifying i have type 2 and i'm scared shitless of what my later years could be like don't let it happen to you if they catch it early enough it can be reversed people don't really change that much except in extreme circumstances don't hang around marry work for someone who's okay but has some personality issues you really don't like because you think they might change or with my help they'll change go in with the mindset that this is the person as they are and probably will always be if their flaws sometimes it's only one flaw like abusive or aggressive behavior currently outweigh their good qualities it's best to drop that person now and not spend months or years or a lifetime in waiting misery people change but you can't change people in your personal life if you start to feel really anxious or insecure with someone you're dating treat it as a warning with a caveat that you're not an immature jealous crazy person those feelings can be a red flag that the person you're with isn't meeting your needs or that something else is amiss with the caveat that you're not an immature jealous crazy person or have depression anxiety ocd ocd can manifest as obsessive thoughts where a seed is planted through your own accord and it spirals because you can't think of anything else that's how i get paranoid if your partner often accuses you of cheating when you know you most certainly are not cheating it just might be possible that your partner is cheating if you try to ask your partner if they are cheating and they become instantly angry and make you feel bad for asking the question it just might be possible that your partner is cheating on you but the most important thing is not to waste your life trying to stay with the one rick person for you it's okay to break up if you've identified that you're not a good fit moving on hurts but you owe it to your future self and your true soul mate who's out there somewhere to keep looking hope that helps my crazy weird ex was constantly trying to catch me in a lie to prove i was cheating i wasn't constantly accusing being paranoid freaked out during freaking session because my fanny felt different which obviously meant i was cheating yeah he was a cheater cigarettes the enjoyment if there is any will only be in the initial phase and after that it's just a compulsive behavior i wasn't even enjoying it and spent thousands of dollars on that crap finally made me gasp for breath at times 207 days since i quit after multiple attempts better you don't go through this struggle getting into the negativity habit it's always someone else's fault blaming others for any little thing that goes wrong eventually you start to look for opportunities to be offended and proven right to the point where someone does something nice for you and you ruin it by trying to figure out their angle yes some people will screw you over and some are rude and will take advantage of you but most people are just neutral trying to live their life and a lot of people are terrific now if someone is rude i just think they must be having a bad day and let it go true story i had an old lady give me the finger at costco i was waiting for someone to back out of a stall backup lights were on but i was blocking the old lady's chance to park in the handicapped stall on the other side of the row she had to wait about 30 extra seconds but was honking so i moved forward and she pulled into her spot and gave me the finger i parked and got out and she was getting out i said sorry was waiting for person backing out she yelled that i was blocking her i said sorry you are having such a bad day she couldn't avoid me enough in the store if you're in the middle of some bad weather and the sky turns green get to cover there's likely a tornado forming nearby i've been laid off twice in my life and the first thing to go in both occasions was the coffee the first time the coffee mysteriously went dried up i hardly noticed a month later was the first round of layoffs after another two rounds the company finally closed its doors the second time the coffee went away i started looking for a new job that company eventually went through the same cycle and closed down the second time i was long gone before the first round of layoffs when the company you work for can't even afford something as cheap as coffee it's time to start updating your resume one of the worst things i see people do is get stuck in relationships people lose years of their life to this crap do you like the person you are with do you want to marry them long-term relationship with them why why not do you avoid your significant other do you constantly avoid topics so you won't fight but why why not is your private life where you want it to be is your social life people never want to look at this stuff with critical eye i got to our relationships and it blows my mind how many of these people need to gtfo of their situation don't waste years of your life being unhappy if you realize you or yourself are not sharing their thoughts emotions daily goings on for fear of x then things aren't right first time i was an overbearing douche and she didn't want to tell me anything because i might get jealous the second time it was because she was bipolar and couldn't handle anything difficult she was bipolar but that wasn't why she couldn't handle difficult things it was because we didn't have a healthy relationship side to that relationship failures are never one person's entirely both parties chose each other both parties have to take at least some responsibility for the result however if it won't work you're just as at fault for staying in it as they are young girls if he is unbuttholed to everyone except you you are not a special butterfly that can bring out the good in him it just hasn't been your turn yet wait yes this applies to young men as well if she's a be to everyone except you it's going to be your turn eventually and applies to non-hetero relationships too so everyone can stop calling me names for speaking from my own personal experience also by wait i meant more just you wait and see not like wait around till it happens obviously if you're dating and butthole of any gender gtfo and try to do better next time if you feel like your life is pointless but not the type where you'd like to take it but then two you should see a psychologist for depressions it might not be it but living for a long time with depressions can really ruin a lot for you and make a recovery that much harder other things like lack of motivation always feeling down shall also be considered don't let depression ruin more than it have to if you're ever on an ocean beach and the water quickly recedes for no apparent reason get to high ground there's a tsunami coming this is oddly specific for a fairly rare event if you want to put something minor off that my friends is your alarm bell program yourselves now don't put that crap off go to phone up and change your delivery date or pay a bill or email your boss i don't wanna do that now i'll do it later alarm bells mother because you will forget all about it in about six seconds and then it will become a bigger problem that you still don't wanna deal with so just do it and get used to it my single biggest problem in life is being too generous i've come here from the future to tell you that you're doing no one a favor by simply handing out it's human nature to have difficulty being appreciative of something that required no work or effort i grew up with very little my mother stopped buying me food and clothes when i was 12. i had my first job at 13 and continued to have a job multiple jobs up to this point i've been nothing but lucky in my life in terms of the jobs i've landed with so few credentials i started feeling like i owed it to the universe that i give back so i started giving rooms out for free to friends and feeding people and picking up every tab now i've burned bridges with so many friends of mine because i grew resentful of their poor behaviors and attitudes while all i did was give and give and give you need to cover your own butt first help people yes but make sure there are clear guidelines and protections so you don't build resentment and sit in your bed later tonight calculating all the money you could have had had you not given money to people who you felt were undeserving my dad always taught me never give or loan a friend money or possessions unless you're okay with never getting anything back if you're in a situation where someone makes you uncomfortable uneasy and you suddenly want to leave leave listen to your instincts don't worry about being thought weird or rude just say i'm sorry i have to go if you think it's necessary and go act now apologize later if necessary instincts are there for a reason haha that's a good one i learned that early on and got notorious for saying i'll be right back and disappearing never had to apologize once if you are new to the channel you can subscribe i publish new videos every day until then check another video [Music] bye for now

Channel: Updoot Studios

Views: 153,433

Rating: 4.9485421 out of 5

Keywords: older people, signs, warning signs, warning signs for teenagers, early warning signs, troubled teens, parenting tips, #updootst, updoot, updoot reddit, updoot everything, reddit on tap, toadfilms, pewdiepie, reddit, askreddit, funny reddit, reddit stories, top posts, reddit top posts, reddit cringe, comedy, reddit compilation, /r, r/askreddit, top posts of r/, askreddit reading, best reddit posts, top posts of all time, people of reddit, askreddit question, ask reddit, subreddit, sub

Id: G_XY8BC6ahE

Length: 24min 49sec (1489 seconds)

Published: Sun Sep 20 2020