What's Your "Accidental Cool Guy" Moment?

what's your most accidental badbut moment I catch rattlesnakes for a living in Phoenix Arizona as an emergency response service for people who find a snake in their yard etc most calls are Diamondbacks but one in four also rattlesnakes end up being a large constrictor called a gopher snake gopher snakes can be aggressive but they're otherwise harmless on one call there was a kid of about 15 who was absolutely terrified of a rattlesnake he saw along the back wall of his yard behind the swimming pool the only way to really get there was to tightrope it across the narrow ledge of the pool I got there and saw that it wasn't a rattlesnake at all with a harmless gopher snake so I reached down and grabbed the five-feet snake it was in Bartol about the whole thing striking at my face repeatedly and getting me on the forearm I grabbed it closer to the head and wrestled it into control as I made my way back across the ledge to the bucket where I got unwrapped him from my arm and body and put it in the bucket I then realized I forgot to tell the kid that it wasn't a rattlesnake before doing that I looked up and he looked like he was going to vomit pass out probably the palest I've ever seen a living person he surely believed he was about to see a man die I now routinely forget to tell homeowners that it's just a Gotha snake I catch rattlesnakes for a living that's badass enough right there about 15 years ago my ex-wife and I were at a party sitting across from each other at a fairly large table we were surrounded by dozens of friends some sitting some standing and chatting in the kitchen she had my Zippo and I wanted a smoke so I asked her to toss it to me she tossed the Zippo to me across the table the lid pops open in midair somehow I hit the roller with my thumb as I catch it and the dang thing lights up as it hits my hand my arm is fully abstract when I catch it so I smoothly pulled my arm in lit the cigarette in my mouth snapped the Zippo shut with a flick of my wrist and tossed it back to her with one fluid motion half the people at the table jump up in amazement and begged us over and over again to perform the trick one more time we refused I never told a soul that the whole event was completely accidental my friends still talk about it with or not nearly as badass as yours I was with my girlfriend at a party and she had this crazy look in her eye from across the table I could tell she was going to spit a skittle at me I don't know how I knew she launched it across the long table and I caught it in my mouth nobody noticed I was at a college football game for MSU in Missouri I was up in the nosebleeds after our marching band had played in the homecoming parade earlier that day I left to go get concessions and started walking down the stairs I tripped suddenly and began tumbling over and over down down down over stairs across landings flailing hopelessly for purchase on one of the handrails or an on lookers appendage but with no avail it seemed to never end I eventually reached the bottom where the landing divided left and right to leave the mezzanine which meant there was a bit of concrete and a handrail directly in front of me I hit the handrail with my lower back almost fully upside down and still locked in the kinetic toward the force of my fall I rocked over the handrail with my lumbar as my fulcrum dropped the meter or so to the ground and landed feet-first in such a state of confusion that I just started walking as if nothing had happened the whole section erupted in cheers to the point it made people on the field look up at us TL DR I took an epic fall down a crap ton of stairs in front of thousands landed on my feet and everyone thought it was on purpose everything went better than expected when I was about 11 years old I got chased by two vicious hungry looking Dobermans in a car yard realized I wasn't going to get away so I turned around put my war face on and bolted straight at them shouting like I was possessed and intending to tear their frickin snouts off dogs disappeared with their tails between their legs I felt like a big man someone tried to punch me in the testicles I caught their fists I worked at a Boy Scout camp years and years ago one of the activities I was in charge of was building a log cabin part of building the log cabin is to strip all the bark off the wood to help keep the locks from rotting the scouts generally had a love-hate relationship with a step of the project on the plus side they got to use sharp objects on the minus side it was hard manual labor while they were using bark strippers I was using a chisel to get the bark off around knots normally using a chisel on wood is not a hazardous operation as long as the blade is facing away from you one day I was not doing well on my safety observance I was trying to join a stubborn piece of bark off the wood with the blade facing toward my arm the wood broke against the force the blade kept on trucking through the bark and into my wrists at this point the scouts knew something was wrong as they saw me curse drop the chisel and grab my arm I was the only adult present so I was fighting to keep my calm as to not panic the scouts my solution was to turn it into a first aid lesson I told a couple of scouts to get the first-aid kit and the others to help me over to the picnic bench I told them they were going to have an impromptu first-aid lesson on severe bleeding and shock with the victim as their instructor the scouts were able to keep their heads together and get the health officer out to our location to treat me the rest of the way they said it was the best first-aid class they had ever had no offense but being able to stay calm and handle yourself while injured and bleeding like that is far more bad but than catching a pencil or something oh maybe junior year of high school I used to stay after school to avoid going home some girl one year below me came up to me with her friends acting flirty her girlfriend and three guys walked away I did not think much of it at the time fast forward about thirty minutes and the girl that I was talking to said that she was worried about her friend and why she was still gone she said that her friend went into the auditorium and asked if I would see if she is still there I walk into the auditorium and all the lights are off except for the band pit I make my way down there and here girl say no no let go I flipped a bit and mustered up a yell while charging the band pit three guys take off followed by the girls about a month later my Dean walks into my classroom and says that she needs to escort me to the principal's office mind you my school was huge so while walking to the other building where the principal's office was located I asked if this was about my skipping gym class a bunch of times she said no but whatever it was about must be really big to warrant her escorting me to the principal we get to the office and I see two cops and the two girls that I met a month before freaking the Frick out I sit down in the cops say thank you WTF I was asked some questions and was informed that the three guys were attempting to debauch the girl I guess I stumbled in at the right time I had not spoken to my father for months at this time in my life but received a call from him that night the school called to tell him what I had done my pops told me that I was his hero that was a good day that's not accidental you're just a real swell guy once in middle school my Locker was next to some hot chicks I noticed one of her books started slipping from the top shelf so I put my hand out to stop it it started actually falling so I was like crap and awkwardly tried to stop it it landed perfectly in my hand the binding went straight into my palm without me even looking and I injured it right back onto the shelf I was mother freaking Peter Parker for 30 seconds I read this as I noticed one of her boobs started slipping I was very confused as to why her boob would fall out of a shelf then the binding going straight into your palm just made me question my knowledge of boobs I was going to college in Chicago and left her Barney Wrigley Field with a beer bottle in my hand while walking to the L two guys confront me on the streets wanting to rob me I was stunned and accidentally hit the bottle on a brick building shattering the bottom the two guys thought I was going to defend myself with the broken bottle and ran awesome this is one of the only real accidental badass stories on here stop to get gas at an Old Country Store gas station outside Camden SC apparently one of the door hinges was broken so when I opened the door the entire door came off in my hands there were five or six farmers truckers in line at the cashier one of the fella said dang I'd feel pretty good for the rest of the day if I were you when I was in grade 10 I had this real battle of a CS teacher like the type that would rather make fun or condescend you to make himself feel better or something instead of helping you one day we were making programs to output certain properties of a sphere circle after inputting a radius value I remember asking him was the surface area of a sphere or something to that effect I mean I don't think it was an unreasonable question I'm in freaking tenth grade for Fricks sake he decided to take this opportunity to humiliate me so anyway this is how the conv went me the surface area of a sphere is 4 PI R squared right sir si s teacher did you just ask me the surface area of a sphere me hesitates yay si s teacher well maybe we should call your math teacher and find out walks over to phone dials math teacher si s teacher pay your student X would like to ask you a question I walk over to phone with everyone in class watching me me yay um mr. C's teacher doesn't know the surface area of a sphere and he's too embarrassed to ask you himself his face turned super red and the whole class cracked up I felt so badass that week me and my then three-year-old son went to the playground this bigger kid arrived and started going around scaring the crap out of the littler kids by popping out in roaring and hissing and whatnot right in their face I saw what car came in and that his mom was sitting in it still maybe just waiting for him to finish playing anyway he proceeds to do his scare thing to my son who of course freaks out and runs to me crying I started fuming thinking it is his own parent's responsibility to tell him to cut that crap out I decided to go tell his mom I asked is that your son over there she says yes and I tell her what is doing and either you get him to stop or I'll do it for you to my surprise she says oh please do I can't control him today so I go back over and try my best to hide right near where he is roaming and as soon as he's within striking distance I pop out and with all the air in my lungs I scream at the top of my lungs one inch from his frickin face he ran back to his car absolutely terrified and crying I could see his mom she didn't come out or do a thing to this day if anyone messes with my son who's bigger than him he screams non nonsensically in their face crazy beats sighs any day someone threw a metal bat at me I caught it was in a restaurant with my GF at the time when a guy built like a refrigerator just comes barging through and knocks my GF drink all over her it was clearly an accident based on his refrigerator like physique and being unable to hold his arms at his side at this point I'm standing up to help clean her up and figure he is going to apologize or something instead he pushes my shoulder and tells me to get out of the way and let the be clean herself up to I stare at him and say that B is my girlfriend you dang well better apologize to her so the woman and man at the table next house are notably getting nervous she drops her menu off the table it by some fluke I catch the menu flat along the top of my foot before it hits the ground and proceeded to just raise my foot keeping the menu on top of it I grab the menu into my hand all the while glaring into this guy's eyes I just tell her sorry mom you seem to have dropped this I just look at him and say so I think we left it off where you were going to apologize to my girlfriend for being so rude and then walking around much to my surprise he turned to my gf and said I'm terribly sorry and then turned around and walked away our check was taken care of as well I've caught life things like pieces of paper on top of my foot it never something like a menu and I was always terrible at hacky sack I try doing this when I was getting a glass for a friend once a glass was falling from the cabinet and I figured I could catch it in the arch of the top of my foot I ended up drop kicking a glass that went flying into the wall and did one Halloween I escorted my younger brothers around our neighborhood I dressed up as Indiana Jones inspired by the real bullwhip I had found in the middle of our street a few months before in a real WTF moment we circled our neighborhood and as we headed back home some guys grabbed their candy bags when I spoke up one of them grabbed my hat shoved me and told me to get lost I whipped him right in the face my hat flew off his head his buddies dropped the candy bags and they all ran like heck good thing none of them would restaur snakes I was 19 and at a house party near the University in my hometown it was winter and my girlfriend and I were wearing scarves she had just knitted they were her first knitting projects and she was super proud of them I was super proud too anyway there were a group of snarky Joe arcs sitting on the steps and on the railing of the porch we were returning from a beer run and as I approached the door one of the jocks on the railing says to me nice scarf eff and all his buddies laugh I stood there with the door in my hand for a second and looked at my visibly hurt girlfriend it made me furious that he mocked her amazing creation and gifts so I slammed the door and started towards him to tell him how actually frickin awesome my scarf was he must have thought I was in fight mode because he flinched lost balance tried to correct himself and comically fell backwards off the porch to the delight of both his and my friends I opened the door for my beaming girlfriend and we went inside best part is no one knew I was gonna do is get all sentimental on his butt and open up a can of polite confrontation all over him the TLDR guy talked smack on my woman's yarn crafts and now he's on his back if someone I just insulted slammed the door and came at me I'd also assumed he was planning to use violence not the power of love anyway up votes for being a caribou mistaken for a grizzly : my little brother was climbing a tree in the front yard while the rest of us were playing catch I was under the tree running and reaching out to catch it instead my little brother ends up in my arms he slipped and fell and I totally caught him it's a good thing too he was pretty high up there my parents called me a real hero I missed the ball though it only would have been bad but if you caught your brother and the ball TL DR accidental front flip on a snowboard I'm a little late to the game but here it goes I used to work at a ski resort in PA so I'd be out riding in all kinds of crazy conditions one particular day the snow was really granulated to the point where you could get stuck in it I was riding down a steep slope going quite fast and hit a pile of granulated snow that almost brought me to a complete stop my reflexes told me to lean forward and tuck so instead of the devastating fall I was picked up off the ground by my momentum and did a front flip on my board landing perfectly and riding away I think one or two other instructors swords I didn't read this because you put the I'm a lazy Frick TL DR at the beginning but I'm sure it was baddest I was about 17 when I was walking with my younger brother and two of his friends they were all about 12 a car full of people passes and yells at us and flips us off I knew who it was so I flipped them off and yelled Frick you back at them we continued along and cut through an empty parking lot enclosed by trees to take a shortcut on our destination the car I flipped off comes flying into the parking lot people screaming tires squealing my little brother and his friends are scared shitless I walked over to the car laughing because of the way the younger kids with me were acting and was going to give my friends in the car a good laugh when I get to the car I stick my head down near in the driver's window still laughing and realize I had no idea who any of these people were my laughing face turned to a morbid I'm about to get my blood kicked face which the people in the car must have interpreted as maniacal laughter turning into a death stare it scared the crap out of them and I recall hearing passengers screaming at the driver to get the Frick out of there he is going to kill us the car peeled away and I walked back to rejoin my brother and his friends and they all thought I was the coolest most bad but older team they'd ever meet I had just finished smoking a joint with my friend and I asked him for a cigarette he throws it at me and I catch it properly with my mouth we didn't talk for a good five minutes silently questioning the laws of the universe this happened in my skydiving years it was a Saturday morning there was a group of girls from the nearby college wanting to jump sir the daring including myself wanted to do a hop n pot to show the girls what skydiving looks like we get to altitude jump deploy our chutes and stops to show off our crazy canopy skills I decide that I'll do a hook turn they look cool from the ground and my canopy colors were blue and pink well after some tugs on my toggles my hook turn collapses my canopy it turns into a low hook turn a low hook turns usually end up with a visit to the hospital or the morgue usually the latter with my canopy folded over I'm doing revolutions my altitude is too low to cut away and use my reserve so I think to myself that this is it I hope this doesn't hurt too bad I hope I can walk away on the bright side my lines didn't wrap around the canopy so there is a possibility that I can call it out before impact from the people on the ground all they saw were some skydivers coming in for a landing swinging like a pendulum and some of them coming in to kick this inflatable target we had it our DS ed they could tell that something wasn't right with one of the divers me because his chute wasn't open and he was spinning parallel to the ground the most important thing to do in skydiving is to make everything you do look cool atheists bear with me here with 100 feet to go before impact I pumped my toggles release and my canopy unfurls and inflates as if the hands of God raked his fingers through my lines and pulled my canopy tight this put my body position perpendicular with no inches to spare for a walk-in landing the crowd applauds with whose and ours including the experienced divers who knew what was happening I bow gather my stuff and go in the clubhouse to calm my nerves my buddy has told the students he does it all the time and they knew I was shaken I met my old dive buddies a few months ago we live in different states now and they brought up that experience as one of the craziest things they have ever seen I was at a McDonald's in London after a night out in London and next to me in the queue was a massive black guy I saw him pull out his wallet and his oyster curd carted travel on the Underground fell out of his pocket I walked over tapped him on the shoulder and just said excuse me mate you dropped this he turned looked at the ground mumbled an apology and took it from me and walked over to the bin to throw it away I thought I was helping a guy out from being stranded without his travel card my mates and everyone in the place thought I had walked over to the biggest guy in the place and told him off for littering about five years ago there was a crazy huge B in my house and my brother terrified of bees came running to me wanting me to kill it for him I picked up my crappy toy airsoft pistol which was loaded with one pellet pointed the pistol at the bee from about 40 feet away didn't aim at all pulled the trigger and saw a splat on the other side of the room I slammed a pen down on the lab bench just to watch it bounce and possibly catch it and it ended up landing tip down and the pen pencil holder on the upper part reagent shall fought the lab bench no one saw me do it from mate and I are at lunch in university some old friend of his started jive-talking him from a few tables away after a bit of back-and-forth the friend threw a salt shaker at us my roommate caught it upside down and salted his plate with it the pepper came next my room they didn't have enough time to get his hand open resulting in a lazy backhand that sent the shaker through the air I caught it upside down and peppered my plate with it at the end of the high school year in gym class when it was too hot to do anything outside the bleachers would be out in the gym and 95% of people would sit on them while the five percent who wanted to do something would be shooting some hoops waiting for the period to be over I was in that 5% but there was a not literally retarded kid who would always try to run up and steal the basketball and throw it all the way across a gym if he ever touched the ball you know you would have to go 200 feet to get it back if he didn't steal it from you the first time he would tackle people to the ground and then get it and throw it huge douche he was strolling towards me one day and I knew what he was planning so when he was about 10 feet from me I just sprinted down the court towards the other side of the gym with my bullying hand and he took chase about halfway down the court where everyone was sitting on the bleachers I decide to ditch the ball so I can run faster and not get tackled from behind by a pretty meaty dude play through the ball basically straight up as I was running and by some freak of luck II did not see the ball coming down and it blasted him exactly on his face and he fell on his butt and was rolling around confused for a while while everyone laughed at him after I saw what happened I ran to the top end of the bleachers because I figured it would be safer if he couldn't find me but right after he got up he spotted me and stormed up the bleachers like he was going to beat the crap out of me he got up in my face trying to start to fight but I didn't want to do anything due to my school's very strict no fighting policy so I just held my hands up politely like what do you want me to do after about a minute of him screaming at me and everyone watching intently he decides he wants to shove me but he somehow didn't realize that I was sitting against a wall and would therefore not move very much he tried to push me but instead he just flunked his own body down the bleacher stairs and slid all the way to the bottom he ended up getting suspended for fighting and all I got was props from the entire class TL DR got a bully to run face-first into a basketball and then fling himself down a flight of stairs he was not actually retarded he was just a jerk he was in AP English with me but none of the other AP classes great story but just so you know when you introduce someone as a retarded kid it's hard not to spend the first two stroke three of your story picturing someone mentally handicapped I'm in San Diego with two girlfriends for the weekend their bar hopping and end up at this huge noisy Club at this point we're all completely wasted we see someone come onstage and say there will be a girls versus boys contest and they would pick six contestants of course I'm the lucky one to get picked as one of the female contestants the club is incredibly loud so I can't really hear the instructions but I get a gist each person must take a shot while wearing a boxing glove with one hand behind their back the team who finishes all three shots first wins I then hear the audience gasping but I didn't catch what the announcer said so the game begins the first two girls in front of me take their shots as do the two boys at this point it's a dead heat I'm up next and the guy I am up against is having a real hard time taking the shot looking at it with disgust not picking it up I wonder what the Frick is wrong with him since it's just a stupid tequila shot so I pick it up with my boxing glove and swig it with a smile on my face to the audience gasps again and start screaming and cheering I won the contest and free drinks for the night afterward people are coming up to shake my hand and patting me on the back after getting another drink I meet up with one of my friends she says that was amazing I can't believe you ate that worm Wat I frantically asked her what was in the shot she looks at me without a disbelief and says there was a huge tequila worm at the bottom of the glass did you not see it apparently I was too drunk to notice and hadn't heard them say that there was a huge freaking worm at the bottom of the last competitors glass I gagged and freaked out for a moment but then settled into a nice freaky air TL DR entered shot contests at a bar drank a giant worm without knowing got free drinks and looked like a badess TL DR unassisted triple play I hate baseball no offense my mom made me play in the Park league a few seasons anyways so I was at second base in a coach pitch game 8 years old when the batter hit a ball that would have passed right by me at shoulder level I just casually stuck out my love and to my surprise caught the ball I was already stepping on the base so the runner heading towards third was instantly out by this time the runner from first who was approaching tagging my coach was screaming frantically so I reached out and tapped the runner from first I remember everyone especially the coach going wild they even dated the ball and gave it to me I didn't realize until years later how rare an unassisted triple players high school sitting at the nerd geek table during lunch the jerks sat at a table across the aisle about 15 feet away as usual they were making fun of us and one of them decides to throw balls of tin foil at us while the rest are laughing away after the third time I pick one of them up and chuck it at the kid doing the throwing it hits him square in the forehead he's furious he stomps over to me and punches me in the face while I'm sitting down I'm later told by my friends that the punch didn't look like it even fazed me I stood up to my full lanky height off 6 feet 3 inches at the time and just stared at him menacingly without saying a word this kid was 5 minutes and 10 seconds and muscular and his eyes were now huge he made the walk of shame back to his table and I sat down to notice all of my friends mouths were partly open I had become a nerd God the jerks never bothered us in the cafeteria or elsewhere ever again they gave me a new full look in the hallways while passing every time that I saw that one kid his head was down and he never made eye contact with me again the TLDR how it came to pass that myself nor my friends were ever bullied again I played on the water polo team in high school we were in some big sectional game and I was a sub for the team I was a freshman at the time and not very good I was incredibly skinny at a time but pretty fast I got put in the game in the our shot clock was winding down to zero our coach had told us in practice that if we were in that situation and didn't have a chance at a decent shot we should just throw the ball away into the corner away from the goalie to prevent the counter-attack well I've got the ball and I'm already close to one corner so I decide to throw it to the other corner the goalie was playing the post near to me and I just the ball way up in the air over the goalies head and started swimming back the other way but well it turns out I threw it over his head and perfectly into the back corner of the goal back in my college days I used to have a couple of friends who used to fascinate me by their ability to flip a cigarette into their mouth they would hold the cigarettes out in front of them near their lap or about waist height and with a quick flick of their wrist flip it right into their mouth usually it would take them a couple of tries but they would usually end up doing it now I tried a couple of times but could never do it and got frustrated with looking like an idiot while attempting it so I am at this party where I hardly know anyone but thanks to the many substances going around everyone is feeling good and pretty friendly I end up walking into a room with about seven people sitting on some couches talking I don't know a single one and naturally when I walk in they all stop talking and look at me I say nothing sit down on an empty spot on the couch pull a cigarette out of my pack and flick it into my mouth on the first try I quickly lighted while trying to look like I do it all the time while they laugh in astonishment and that moment I was the coolest I have ever been in my life it might not be exactly in tune with this thread but I thought it was pretty bad but I went to a private school which was composed of really sheltered kids and a handful of troubled kids that had been kicked out of public school I guess their parents thought our school was more disciplined which I don't think it was in the seventh grade I began taking Taekwondo the best parts about the class weather moves designed to break someone's hold I was late for class one morning and in the empty Hall I ran into a bully named Wade think Moe from Calvin and Hobbes who started giving me some crap about something though I can't remember what I tried to just move past him and go to class but he grabbed me by the shirt collar and shoved me against the lockers continuing to yell at me this was my chance I snapped into action and broke his grasp with a move I had learned in Taekwondo if the move was supposed to end in me bending his arm back with my elbow so that the attacker would end up in a hole unfortunately my elbow missed its mark so even though I broke his grasp and did kind of a fancy looking good botched move it ended in me weakly holding just one of his wrists I realized I blew it and didn't know what to do next so while I waited my pummeling had Wade looked down at me holding his wrist a result he had not anticipated his facial expression changed stamped off and said Gore Nick I was just joking he didn't bother me again after that except once to ask if I had done it with this girl I dated in the fifth grade but what a dope I was having lunch with my girlfriend who was being traumatized by her ex she told me his latest attempt to win her back which entailed having all his friends text her she was arrest for leaving him this guy rotated me to no end and I was having a particularly bad day to begin with I go off on how if I find him I'm going to tell him a new one and how he is just a coward stuck in the past little did I know he was in the establishment he came over and tapped me on the shoulder and asked me to repeat what I just said I stood up towered over him I'm 6 feet 1 and he is 557 and looked him square in the eye and told him if he ever bothered her a game I would personally make his life a living heck he has yet to talk to her since going on about six months now Frick I hate being short one Thanksgiving we were up at my in-laws house in the hills targets shooting with an old 10 gauge shotgun now my wife's stepdad is quite the mountain man as is his son and they routinely go on hunting trips and other outdoor sea things I grew up in the city and despite having fired the occasional rifle pistol etc I'm not too experienced with firearms especially shotguns so they're shooting at this ring target that's taped to a cardboard box across the yard and offer me a turn I'm a little worried about the kick how hard will it be I've heard about people getting wicked shoulder bruises from firing shotguns anyway I line up my sights with a bull see and squeeze the trigger BAM it kicks a bit and my father-in-law says nice job that's when I realized that the actual target had been an allure can sitting atop the box I had been aiming at the wrong thing and the shotguns kick gave me a direct hit on the can I coolly said thanks and handed the gun back to him oh yeah impressing the father-in-law I was playing beer pong in my friend's garage when his ball rolled under the door I went out to get it and was walking in the side door 10 feet from the table when I threw the ball behind the back style without breaking stride he had one cut left and it went in everyone went crazy I just cept my composure and smiled it was my sister's first time playing Beirut she had never drank and still doesn't first toss start of the game and she manages a one bounce stall on the edge of three cups if I had been playing all through college and never managed to do anything like that I had to declare her the winner and had to chug all 20 cups 9-10 year-old girl on the train acting insane confronting strangers climbing over seats screaming and tantrum my wife and I were incredibly P at her mother who was right there and didn't do crap about it I went up to her and said you really have to keep your child in check this is basically your responsibility the mom said she can't be controlled she's always like this I told her I bet we can calm her down as a challenge to her to get her act together she goes hah I don't believe you prove it so there we were on the tiny local train to nowhere taking 10 minutes of our time to talk down this clearly frustrated child that had no boundaries and actually enjoying a few moments with the now calm lucid girl while simultaneously completely owning the mother to this day I still remember that gobsmacked look on her face when she realized that there was nothing wrong with the daughter and that there was so much wrong with her I hope she learned that lesson well because we certainly served it up in a neat little package for her TL DR we hijacked a kid on a train I'm tired of these monkey fighting kids on this Monday to Friday train walked in on my sister's abusive ex-husband up in her face one day she had started dating again post marriage and he was not dealing well he was threatening her and had her back deep into a couch when I walked in the front door I told him to back the heck off and leave her be he turned on me and got all up in my face stay out of this she doesn't have anything to do with you I said no I am still her sister you are no longer her husband and guess what you just met a girl that will hit your back surprisingly he backed all six feet two of his lanky ass off and excused himself I would have hit him so hard he would have been picking his teeth with his toenails but I am glad it didn't come to that it made me feel like Bobby baddest to be able to stand up to the guy that hurt my sister so much nothing accidental about that particular bit of badassery kudos while at a football game in high school I once threw my gun at a friend who was standing on the fence 40 rows in front of me the gum landed in his pant pocket and when he took out his cell phone to quickly answer a call the gum stuck to his hair I couldn't feel bad as the series of events was too improbable some nerd once threw Apple of me while I was playing soccer I let it slide because I was boning his mom if you boned my mom you deserve a medal and lots of therapy my hydrophobic German Shepherd was ignoring my course to come back while walking on the late march river ice they're being gravity and the two of us being losers he fell through and began frantically pulling to climb back onto the ice which kept cracking in soggy chunks I thought oh crap put down my book one of the culture novels and walked in I had to smack the ice with my forearms to keep breaking it until the water chest height I reached him then I carried him back to shore it took us about 45 minutes to walk back out of the woods and home someone saw us he said I'd give you a ride but your dog is wet I said I think he'd give us a ride because it's winter and we're both wet but he still didn't what a jackass one of my testicles has yet to descend back from behind my that water was cold if someone was going to illustrate this scene they should put a viking helmet on me I wasn't wearing one but that would make me seem more manly having just gotten out of a particularly long lecture I decided I needed a smoke it was the dead of winter so I was wearing a full-length navy cut but I hadn't buttoned it up yet as I walked toward the door desperately I searched the coat pockets for my smokes and my lighter I found them in opposing pockets with each and without breaking stride I put a cigarette in my mouth put the case away and begin to raise the lighter to the cigarette realizing that both of my hands are still busy I realize I can't effectively open the door call it poor planning time slowed into my mind race to think of a solution as the door loomed ahead of me I realized that the only way I can continue out the door to smoke as soon as possible is to kick the door open I leaned back raised my foot to mid door level kick ignite the lighter and pass swiftly through the door I kick too hard though the door swings widely and almost hits the side of the building I'm still traveling through with the momentum from the kick I bring the lighter down in pocket I exhale smoke into the evening air and put my hand in the other coat pocket a blast of cold winter air peppered with small flakes of snow blew my coat back majestically it was then that time sped back up and I realized that everyone walking by the building had stopped and turned to look at me when I was a kid in elementary school there was a bully on the bus who would give crap to all of us he'd call us names tell us he could beat us up et Cie coincidentally he lived in my neighborhood except a different stop than mine I really don't like seeing people or animals that can't defend themselves get abused and I will always try and step in if given the chance so one day I told him that he should get off at my stop so I can make him put his money where his mouth was he gets off at my stop along with my friend who was one of the major victims of his bullying the fight starts with lots of name-calling and he starts charging at me after I called him something ridiculous out of a movie I'm sure being the ninja turtle and karate kid fan that and still am today I decided to open up with a flurry of roundhouse kicks well about the third roundhouse kicking I connect my heel to his dome and he gets obliterated to the ground and runs home crying with a bloody nose the next day his dad comes on the bus saying all these lies about how I beat his kid up and I am a bully while I was friends with the bus driver and he gave the kids father the whole story about how I was standing up for everyone on the bus and how his kid is the real bully I was a hero to my bus and the bully was a quiet little bee from then on my car got stuck at a hole in the ground that is specifically intended to prevent cars from taking bus only routes anyway my front left tire got stuck in there and a bus approached I had to get my car out of there I got out lifted the car's front end with little to no effort at all and jumped back in to drive off how this worked was simple physics the three other wheels were still touching the ground mostly and I had a very heavy load of sand in the back as I drove off I saw two girls on bikes staring at me gasping eyes wide open I felt like Superman for a few seconds this was back in my freshman year of high school it was Halloween and I was hanging out with some friends by the high school parking lot it was getting dark and these two kids were walking by armed with shaving cream and eggs everybody at school knew them as the doubt Sheba told bullies that nobody liked one of them saw us hanging out minding our own business and threw an egg at us knowing they were there I was on my guard and managed to see this happen at the corner of my eye I was able to in one swift move turn and catch it without breaking it both of their jaws dropped I smiled waved the perfectly unbroken egg at them then pelted it back at him I got the sucker right on his forehead hard this happened more than 20 years ago my little brother comes running to the house telling me that his friend is getting beat up by some bigger kids if the playground isn't far from the so I throw on my coat and my shades and run out to there I can see the kid on his knees on the ground with six other bigger kids around him kicking at him and spitting on him one of them points at me coming and the others turn toward me there is a four foot high fence around the ground and instead of going around I put my hand on top and leap over it throwing my legs over my black trench coat is billowing out behind me my small round mirrored sunglasses glinting in the sunlight once over the fence I kept walking quickly and purposefully directly as the six of them a couple of them start to back up and so I start running at them they all turned and scrambled away pushing each other to get out of the gate faster I chased after them for a little bit but they all ran away it was a definite bad but moment I was working at Microsoft there were a whole bunch of people trying to open an elevator in the lobby and free a woman trapped inside time one of five boys in my family we know mechanical crap I found the latch at the top of the doors asked for a pen to lift it pushed it up in the door slid back thirty seconds if you are new to the channel you can subscribe I publish new videos every day until then check another video [Music]

Channel: Updoot

Views: 265,133

Rating: 4.9299927 out of 5

Keywords: accidental courtesy, accidental genius, accidental, accidentally, bad butt, bad butt moment, accidentally bad, moment, #updootst, updoot, updoot reddit, updoot everything, reddit on tap, toadfilms, pewdiepie, reddit, askreddit, funny reddit, reddit stories, top posts, reddit top posts, reddit cringe, comedy, reddit compilation, /r, r/, r/askreddit, top posts of r/, askreddit reading, best reddit posts, top posts of all time, people of reddit, askreddit question, ask reddit, subreddit, sub

Id: jKjXL-d0Kj8

Length: 42min 55sec (2575 seconds)

Published: Fri May 08 2020