Jay Leno Best of Headlines Part 3

he always wondered what causes fat kids what's the real reason besides the obvious well here it is right here look over eating causes fat no I thought says interesting Help Wanted this is the Northwoods trader help want a good typist transcribe top-secret documents must be unable to read well nitro may help hemorrhoidal pain I think that's called preparation h-bomb lady down I [Applause] [Music] guess there's a market for everything baby items look Huggies used diapers for sound but what are you saving really I love this stuff emergency services look at this look at this lowered duck pond Ashland police respond to a report of two dogs running loose in attacking Ducks at 11:20 a.m. they offers sighted a residence with loose dogs the Ducks refuse medical treatment and left the area will be fine you know why the doc you know why the Ducks refused medical treatment don't you can know the doctor was a quack that's why it's the tommylee Pamela lien tape is out its beauty and the breasts ladies here's why your bottles good what is this one here's the I like the top one there the salty dog look it's a thinly sliced prostitute here's the silk ears a 96 Buick Regal $11,000 in Sochi because there's a howitzer shot in the door you know I don't know a lot about European food can have you been to your oven number times ever have this look at this bakery is selling fresh baked bastards here's our abrasion the new technique to remove decay from your teeth look at their and slogan it's drill lists painless and median my favorite one is so stupid special limited one-time offer small fountain drink free with the purchase of a memo is the boldest ad I have ever seen in my life vomit assorted females of any race age of color for prostitution well at least the man does not discriminate you know that's nice I used to see times changing thank you for you're a vegetarian that's too bad cuz you're missing out you're missing out on this it's a land of frost thin slice lunch meats ass variety in fertility why can't we get pregnant I'm no doctor could be some kind of genetic flaw wedding anniversary it's the damn 50 here's Alison got and Andrew Mayo it's the got male wedding there's the shot putz wedding how about the scratchy lincoln wedding it's the crows cawing wedding crummy sweat wedding I like this couple here they look happy there the Daffy Duck men wedding I like these two here look it's the yellow-bellied wedding there's the love our honeymoon wedding the May Breedlove it's the lay more wedding and this one here oh man I can't believe this one it's the reamer and out wedding someone sent me this I think this is Albion College this is their little brochure they put out I thought this was fascinating obtained hands-on experience before you graduate look go to the school and you can become a college intern we always get these I love this one no gas leak found a Taco Bell despite bad odor so what could the problem be Bob hand me another burrito supreme what do I can't the problem the Huntington Learning Center help you child do better in school here's the Ali's Clinton joke you know you know Hillary has been traveling around the world and you know I don't think it's quite as innocent this is from a Brazilian newspaper October 3rd when Hillary Zinberg Brazil here she is being greeted by one of the dignitaries look at this photo crack smokers to blame for smoking crack these are babies of 97 though all babies born here there's a paul wayne wilcox colleague somebody reilly i like the second look at the second baby's name root beer belly alright kids not gonna get beat up every day in school more government money at work here you go folks thousands of dollars spent on this study tickling causes laughter mm enterprising young man you know the parents probably called him lazy here's a big sale I have used pizza boxes tons of them they're all over my room cheap I hate to keep picking on the man [Music] let me tell you pop more moose wedding hey do er right with it how about the okay you win wedding kind of a kinky couple here look it's the keister savage wedding is the gettin Johnson wedding hold them out one I can't even what is this old enough to plow our wedding I like this couple it's the nail and batch of wedding and I don't know what this means it's just a silly name it's the dicker off schlep our wedding someone sent me this sent me this here let me show you the threads the outside this is called tota toilet it's a portable toilet it looks just like a cardboard box to me but I like the attractive sales technique they use that guy well that'll make me buy it right there yeah I gotta have one now Wow here's irony irony classic irony here you go right there paychecks or postal workers get lost in there they go okay here's a computer look it's got a word spell dictionary the fact that dictionary is spelled is this man here was arrested for driving erratically you're turning me on following a dragon this economical do-it-yourself incest control you spray that on grandpa if he comes around honey you guys hit crap on the eye a couple of shots when you walk come around anymore incest control so you gotta read the fine print no here's a home here $425,000 it's a lot of money but look the home is actually keV what's up you know everybody has seen Titanic it's made over a billion dollars everybody knows who's in oh well I just thought here's an ad a little synopsis of the movie Titanic look directed by James Cameron look starring Leonardo da Vinci later they got cut out of the movie so for a long time I guess a lot of men do not know this look map can help determine location Carnation Instant Breakfast mmm creamy milk chocolate if mmm and it's green you know let me ask you a question if you have a dog do you make your dog whatever religion you are what you're a Christian your dog - the Christian right if you Jewish your dog if you don't people do that well look what you're gonna get here this this baby laughs sad look at this dog Sabbath dog what did you can get it it's a yarmulke for your dog I guess that dog would be a bagel look at the dog the dog there's no bigger lie than car ads you know look at this 190 79 Jeep renegade Texas truck look at it says never seen snow no actual headline sex is popular Clinton polls President may be exposed I like this one handle President Clinton is preparing Americans for possible airstrikes against Iraq you can read this one for yourself dog's name incorrect in the wind days edition every time speaking you and they misspelled the name of a dog photograph playing in the ways that Lakeshore Drive the dog's name is Broadway just want to make sure you know that apparently the dog complained the other dog's friends saw it police beat a Lincoln man failed to slip through a police dragnet despite the fact he was hiding his head in a bucket of manure pretty clever criminals all right holiday break either break out the holidays okay call and ask for the hole rate two quick ones here's an eye doctor dr. Vincent see you and here's an a very unfortunate realtor Coldwell bankers I'm sure he's a lovely man but look his name is mr. fu this person has an armed robbery at the Union Springs express Mart now the police have put out this color composite of what the person looks like so if you've seen this man please he is wanted in a robbery that Skeletor seen that boy he understand this one this is a lovely woman Polly Miller says works in the kitchen of st. Stephen's school preparing the school's annual soup festival it's five dollars four dollars results two for chilling those attending are asked to bring their own soup and Bowl okay so what are we getting really bring your own soup bring your own Bowl four bucks okay there's the Rio Hotel Casino employees two of whom were wearing bags over their heads and fear being fired finally the other guy just looks like that dog now I think it's great when someone can do it wrong and then turn their life around I know cab you're way too modest but look at this Kevin Eubanks was sentenced to three years in prison for passing a bad check you a bad check at the Walmart two hundred five dollars with a Yanni album no I feel this is not you how you doing I've ruined your name you know you know the Ellen show a lot of these programs have really changed the traditional way we view romance look at this this ad here when a romantic trip for three look at this guy this guy his this ministers biography one solitary life look at the story he was born in an obscure village the child of a pheasant woman spent his entire life under glass very many customers in mr. Mike's attention all mr. Mike customers the incident with the stabbing which occurred on January 29th is in the city of Sanya parking lot not mr. Mike so please if you saw that stabbing forget about it was next by one of the any blood to anybody buy one of these table top charcoal grill okay that says at the top look at the first direction do not place on top of any table tips for job interviews now this is important young people going for that first job here look the first look at the dues tipster dues have a one-page resume dress appropriately have good hygiene be enthusiastic look at don'ts don't go to the interview with a gun let's do some weddings first you show the headline at the bottom of this Sheri Duvall Lawrence to still tie the knot an elegant style can you see that and pan up look at the elegant style he's wearing a mr. Goodwin he's wearing a white mr. Goodwrench hat to match of course the white tux entails a very elegant mr. Goodwrench okay here's the these are interesting names that got married here's the head trip when it here's a couple in it for the long haul there's the young quick wedding hopefully he'll get better this woman doesn't appeal to be smiling well sure look why it's the small wonder whether okay there's the man stank wedding could be problems here at the Wiener block wedding is the crab grabber wedding I like this one look it's the Dickey whitener wedding or go to the trip Peters wedding I like this couple it's the go forth and sprinkle wedding here's the pet them daily wedding or the hefty Johnson wedding headline we lost the name on thanks is this person sending us a potato who they say looks like me you be the judge this he's a farmer look at this Don Gardner and his wife Ally os n9 and a volunteer the call of real animal shelters holding Simon a full-blooded Siamese cat Simon is one of the many cute and adorable pets waiting to be adopted look how cute and adorable something from the Las Vegas Review liars find it difficult to admit true you know here's a perfect example of the age we live in it says mcklusky road-rage not a problem here look what it says underneath we have sporadic incidents of people pointing guns at each other but I wouldn't call that you know somebody should take this data side works on the facts of life yeah as strange banging sound and daughters I thought this was rather interesting and says my dog needs a girl friend dog to mate only no breeding this is what casual said I guess the hoping people won't read the whole thing 9 foot couch one loveseat one overstuffed chair $15 a piece aw or take all for free here's the upper keys coin laundry it says Key Largo Florida open unless clothes as here sit Roma what is that the sparkling laxatives I don't know do you want anyone's your laxative to be Wow this one I love it says keep ears cozy warm a look at 70 compact go off to the side there island says compact and stylish oh yeah yep maybe if you're a Klingon these are real headlines this is the Fort Frances times and rainy lake Herald the big names price is pretty slow news day look official plan not yet official funeral home brings cheer to senior citizens I don't think so I always like chintzy ones look at this here $9.99 five foot outdoor bunny decorations don't those look like old witch costumes somebody stuck a rabbit head on hello look at this one this is a real ad look at this the Easter Bunny is here kids of all ages are invited to visit the Easter Bunny at the charming Easter carnival display it's pull out there pull out a little bit well look at that apparently dad is taking the kids to the mall Sunday I'll bring them down there honey now Dean this first guy I'm traveling 900 miles to friends sustaining a trailer park in Laramie Wyoming next guy Jesse I'm going to New Orleanians cutting their bin therefore I like Sarah Webber I'm going home to work my corner and get some fast cash because I'm bored I'm sure her parents are very proud mom's odor eliminator you can then look the natural mineral removes strong dead cat odors from a new Cadillac in two days you know you know people are putting dead cats in your Cadillac I think you got bigger problems in you know this Lexus is a pretty hot on would be a lot of women are buying let me go why are women buying this Lexus what's what's the hot thing why here you go 95 Lexus got everything including look climax control there you go look at this lays are ruffles bath tissue they have ridges this I thought was really bizarre Kleenex Cottonelle Kleenex double roll four roll look what it says in the corner look for in-store demos let me tell you something you know if you don't understand how to use the product by this point it just it's bail bonding look at this little slogan serving America's finest that looks like America's finest that mean here you go women you might want to get on this look join the pms pyramid of success is a new doll 2497 its newborn now with diaper surprise i wonder what it could be can you read what it says there does it say they have they have three children and three on the way that is one strong woman hey Goff you go one two and three bedroom apartments cheap rents great locations free use t-shirt for now we say this of why with Larry Bird such a good bet what made Larry special you meet a lot of great athlete what's the one thing he had I think if you look close you can see what it is three hands oh here you go this looks painful police nab assault suspect with revolver in his rear it's the Turner right on wedding about the stucco right with it I'm gonna save this one for one of our guests look it's the crook Gingrich wedding what is that say that one what is that all about here's the agent bootie wedding I kind of like this one it's the freakin Klotz wedding freakin wedding how about this one it's look it's the worm Walker wedding oh here she comes she's a man bender of course from Midland the reporter Telegraph Midland Texas it's the drain Dickey wedding ladies here is a is just a badly written traditionally bad headlines traditional Hindu wedding not traditional in the traditional sense you know poor President Clinton you know since that whole scandal every little thing with this look at this with the photo store surveillance camera captures sex offender nowhere no matter what Clinton does people put some sort of sexual connotation on even something as serious as China look I like you're gonna hear what is your worst habit there's Jean she says making decisions too quickly Elaine says I snap gum I like the last guy I don't have any oh yeah what's that in your hand the most honest automobile and I have ever seen this person should be commended for putting the true mileage 1917 Chevy Nova actual miles 29 million it's an odd and from a supermarket round roast dollar 49 a pound really why is the zebra is the Ridgewood motel and cottages I like to steal good it says here go in the middle of the page omelet says we offer our motel guests free coffee and donuts in Caesar could I have a doughnut I'm sorry they're not in season now we should come back in the spring with it from the doughnuts are being a harvested doughnut see see sometimes people come here to from other countries they open restaurants why is number three not something maybe it's the sweat and sour I like oh yeah good luck how many guys and how many why is gonna let this sit around the house fun new bikini TV remote oh here's the phoniest one this is so stupid look at this add a natural look get rid of wrinkles naturally now look at the guy okay look at the end the look there's eyebrows Oh now this is odd something called math Athan it's easy as ABC shouldn't be as easy as 1-2-3 why is it ABC if it's math oh oh I love this ad look at the caption look at the picture you show the caption says students listen intently during an assembly in which principal Terri Butler discloses you know those kids are really listening intently I like people are giving away things but it's always important they go to a good home look pine cones free to a good home no we don't want to give these to somebody's gonna abuse them you promised to feed the pine cones every day this guy's probably wonders not get any business to look it's the whiz wash car spa I can't understand why nobody's coming in well I don't I know these people realize I'm trying to be funny not look at the caption Dolly Parton has two new reasons to celebrate look at this one three men and a hole in company here's the do it good ready I like this I like this wedding here look it's the yah look it's the legs flippin wedding yeah one of these a country food look there it's the perky swaying wedding is the nailer young wedding as the superior Johnson wedding there's the Johnson rising wedding is the pom gel wedding there's the Peters riding her wedding the show and butts this is from the what papers this the Richmond times-dispatch seeking inner peace is the yoga TG I guess he's seeing I guess he's seeking inner peace all right look at this guy here apparently maybe his wife bought that what you walked in okay but I'm not honey I'm just seeking inner peace peanut butter truck get stuck on you look up finding the dictionary put that right over here next to irony in case we need a letter here is the best deal I have ever seen in my entire life through this ad is a mistake or this is the greatest furniture offer in the history of time look at this Presidents Day sale pay nothing now and nothing later the great feel good as you get beautiful commerce built furniture hey nothing now and nothing later so just really just show up with the truck Pegasus Popeyes Tuesday half-price Celico how could Popeyes sell that chicken and a half price well maybe the fact that it's green might have something to do I don't know you know maybe people today have a different relationship with their mothers and I did I can't I don't know can you get this for your mom kids mom a special gift for Mother's Day the marabou song doesn't quite work again the age we live in I guess this is commonplace maybe I'm just an old-fashioned guide activities and events attention dad's aged 12 to 25 okay if you're a dad in your 12 you already involved the way to many activities and advances it is okay just just forget about so all this in the way nobody call a fee advertiser section of the paper Electric hospital bed with trampoline which one do you think they've bought first here's another deal look at this refrigerator excellent condition but does not cool so what what the man is selling is an upright closet hmm scientists plan to study why bears cross river okay here are those same scientists are working on another project what of this one from the Mason County news breathing oxygen linked to stay Polster work is angry over anti-aggression training hey guys I love this one congratulations to dick and Merle graduating top honors in their class of tractor repair now resident yeah but look underneath dick look at this dick dick was valedictorian with a 1.9 GPA it hurts bottoms wedding I know if I want to see these wedding pictures it's edmonds : I don't know why this one makes me smile I think I've got this invitation I would smile if I got invited to the stanky hanky wedding or you might want to attend the daily feely wedding how about the who the Hardy wood wedding Oh har if you have time might want to take you this one here look it's the king schmuck wedding feast mock wedding last but not least it's the fast Butz nuptial a government this interesting headline and headlines on interesting it says prairie dogs face uncertain future it's the quote taken out of a story I sincerely hope prairie dogs don't die out because I enjoy shooting them and he's a wildlife biologist test drive the me out look at the caption let the breeze ruffle your hair in the 1999 Mazda Miata but now this this looks like sexual harassment to me I don't know I don't know it says uh come to work where pants are optional contact mr. tiller I don't know this is one of those that your turn deal says what's the best advice your mother aving ever gave you this guy says stay clean and healthy be a gentleman this older man says like what the kid says don't drink and drive you're going to be out past twelve call when you see police walk away ads of this you know look at this look at this trade in trade in time you're a trade in worth $4,000 look at the fine print look at I need a microscope if your trade-in is worth police blotter look at April 15 327 Taco Bell gas odor [Music] British study finds less traffic when roads you know Nigel I got an idea if it me this one was a friend of Clinton's my drawers are full of memory another furniture sale look a chair with a recliner great for your office or car how many people drive with it with the ottoman with your feet up but wonder why there's so many eggs yeah how do you hand me my lazy boy have you put your ottoman up there you know when people don't like somebody look at this guy lawn cutting he kept lawns if he voted for Clinton don't call [Applause] that's what I like got a bit you see yeah you don't do that you ever like if you're Jewish your dog is Jewish or if you're Catholic your dog is Catholic you're Italian your dog is Italian this made me laugh gay person to buy my one-year-old gay male Yorkshire Terrier four four pounds and delicately bone cuz of your game your dog there you go here's the Connecticut post you know sometimes a headline writer gets to the root of the problem I guess there's been a lot of truck accidents on the Thruway there so he came up with this idea eliminating trucks would eliminate truck yep javelin gemin look at this from the police blotter June 16th animal complaint the Marshall Police Department spawned whose Cyprus court for a part of a crazed duck in the area office searched the area only to find relaxed ducks like the cops yep duck scotch what is it officer what you gonna do arrest me for smoking but Kevin though you love muffins don't oh yeah lovely here's a value pack look at this value pack muffins muffins and the nice thing about them they are boneless [Applause] go through all that trouble any times you had to debone a muffin don't you hate that little knife I know so want to know about this and this looks really creepy look slightly used organs for sale slightly whose human organs for sale and look how the guys fells right look at right to Mike his hapten seed lawn and garden this week special large selection of bird feeders and lucko in the corner then look they buy and sell crap available career opportunities counter clerk wages a 970 now with wages possible after just 12 weeks look you come in you work for three months I [Music] thought in this paragraph log homes a sturdy they have withstood hurricanes tomatoes and earthquakes that have load you ever been in a tomato storm it's ego a little let me show a little before and after cosmetics 30 women this cosmetic surgery stuff is pretty man look at the woman's face but get her neck now look there's a woman that's the first shot and I look good on the face afterwards huh sure she's tightened her neck attack of the lizard people one from the obituary column and I'm not making fun of the man's name is my very nice man but just the sentence in it I thought was amusing I hope his family is not offended because he seemed like a very nice man it says dr. Jack last law I can't pronounce his name he was born on Franklin Avenue he was born in a log cabin that he built himself people with so much more rugged back man come out of that room swinging an axe and god bless him I hope the family yeah I hate people who dress up dogs dogs do not like to be dressed up dogs do not like to wear costumes okay look at this a charming imposter look there's more look at the dog cheerleader oh look at funny dog Elvis oh yeah let's go just having a great time aren't there idiots the Agora may make little town big look at this from the level loop collection you know how you can tell good carpet look go under the cloak go close and look made from 100% undetermined it looks like cat hair we really don't well thank God folk we can go to the moon we can go into the water whether it's still not an exact science is science rather look at this tomorrow partly cloudy with a 30% chance of afternoon again we can't predict we know we think it's got a after 12:00 dressing up animals Kevin I am starting an organization to stop people look at this nostalgic tie-dye t-shirt you know I mean no I think if your dog remembers the 60s Easter but 210 years old personal valet drawer organizer we look down to the bottom designed by a guy who's been to France Club meeting was cut short because the president had to run [Music]

Channel: Richie Majaw

Views: 341,596

Rating: 4.6272879 out of 5

Keywords: Jay Leno Top Headlines, Jay Leno Top 100 Headlines, Jay Leno Best Headlines, Jay Leno Funniest Headlines

Id: YBq2qIeRs4o

Length: 45min 45sec (2745 seconds)

Published: Fri Apr 03 2020