Jay - Headlines (2008) Pt 02

[Applause] all right here we go look at this oh my bah make stop in Kansas this is interesting five-legged cat have surgery to remove two legs okay it seems that we have the basic is instability but why not just take one leg see how that works I think we're rushing into something here against the fish house their slogan please eat fish the fish house restaurant and catering look at the specials at the fish house Monday chicken and dumplings lose their chicken fried steak Wednesday sliced roast beef Thursday grilled chicken Friday all right two pieces of fish in the damn chicken I know why I don't know why you would want this this is the most disgusting thing I've ever seen stop the presses white toilet seat with hand shower why would you want that stop that and well this seems like common sense pay less employees sue say they were paid less I love real estate heads because everything is always just wonderful you know a garden steding this totally reboot unit will be ready for occupancy in October new oak kitchen appliances floors light fixtures doors but everything new wiring new carpeting jae-won everything to do with the police tape get the blood out of the wall so we just redid the place now keV I know you're from Philadelphia right and I know John you're uh you're Long Island it gets cold there I'm from New England which is colder than either of those places I don't remember these when a clearance sale cold weather would pants now I remember wearing winter pants why you would there's a joke there I'm gonna touch it for your medical needs Florida Waterman emergency services bring this card to your next visit when you go to the emergency department and get a free gift okay so yeah I've been hit in the head with an axe okay well here's your pen and pencil set January 23rd question if you would receive the eight hundred dollars or sixteen hundred dollar tax rebate recently proposed by President Bush how would you spend it you know people spend a lot of time how would you spend it this is PJM I believe that people should be responsible with this rebate I for one would get half the charity what happened my child's college fund a well thought out plan hope it doesn't rain you don't do doo doo B takes on marijuana build up if you're a head of the meat department is there better name for him meathead resides you know Chicago voters in Chicago you know they always do jokes about this is hilarious voters at old Penn had invisible ink when it comes to election shenanigans Chicago has been accused of everything 20 voters at the far North Side precinct who found their ink pens not working we're told by the election officials don't worry it's invisible ink the scanner will pick it up and counted their votes were not recorded experience the Mallard point New Year's Eve but you know I always love one restaurant to try to go upscale for holidays or you know they put a special package together for Christmas under nose and this is but sometimes see they want to make a little special filet mignon smothered with crabs congratulations to dr. Mark E Dowell you are 50 please join us in wishing him a happy 50th birthday and have a slice of cake join us for the cake at the rocky mountain infectious disease office that's why I want to eat cake I love this one police blotter woman reported late Friday a suspicious man in a car at a business on Steele Hill Road around the same time the man in the car reported a suspicious woman nearby deputies found the two happen to have been in the same place at the same time and each thought the other was suspicious I like Chinese food you like Chinese food kam right sometimes I just I'm sure it's a delicious restaurant just the name it's the hyung Farlow that might think I like it less than discreet portable wearable air purifier so discreet no oh no you're wearing it yeah I can barely see it I thought it was a tie clip I had no idea that seven pound box around his neck all right I don't want to be insensitive here ok Aurora mine theater is joined for us with the Playhouse to put through an all mime show for children all mime show ok all performances are interpreted for the death no I mean do you have to go like this you can just go getting out of a box how do you how do you interpret a mime show police blotter 3 3900 block of T's LaLanne a man reported someone broke into his home somehow defeated the lock on his refrigerator broke the fridge or open and stole his harmonica you know I'm sure this is a fine dental office it's just sometimes there are people with names that just shouldn't be together I mean I'm sure again I'm not casting aspersions but I know the ball and semen dental office jeanny wonder what's wrong with the kids new Children's Center wins liquor license say that makes me class if I think this guy is bitter seeking man seeks woman who's not a cheating skank like Marcie Kido [Applause] you know there are people with a sixth sense they just know they sense they can sense things look at this headline man shot twice in one week says someone out to kill him really maybe just paranoid Bob boy you want more proof that the dollar is falling dollar menu meal just 399 here's something I didn't know again I'm no doctor huh females likelier to test from women's diseases so I guess that is not a yeast infection I had thanks Dave thank you I don't know I love the name of this country what are they professional car they Realtors of some kind there you go the shareholders of low-balling Lynch there you go okay I don't understand the logic here emergency aid ceased again unlisted phone numbers well that works out good time the number of 911 I'm sorry it's unlisted yeah okay you know keV I'm a little dyslexic all right but I'm not a proofreader I don't put ads in magazines okay I'm guessing this is a GMC Yukon XL oh no it's a GMC yuck no XL family pack save big bucks Clark's meat service then here's something I think it's good to know when you're buying meat products all meats are individually vacuumed daily this one I'm not sure where you'd order this and East Towne Market leaned cook man dollar okay that's on that here's something from our parent company gen electric you know they're our parent company you knew that this is gentle electric parts master 6-inch drip bowl so used with plugin electronic cooking element made by General Electric fits most brands except General Electric what would you do if you had magical powers for one day between exactly you see you're snickering oh god no that's the difference between men and women right there what would you do if you have magic miles when Cynthia I'd probably reverse global warming and fix world hunger amber I'd use my ability to understand different languages Jermaine I'd Rob as many banks as I can important safeguards this is some sort of heating element y'all again when using any electronic device you always want to read the instructions but you know sometimes they try to cover themselves look at number seven this heater is intended for use in bathrooms laundry areas and similar indoor locations number eight this heater not intended for use in the bathroom longer area this is the strangest dog I've ever seen I've never seen a dog with a mouth like this look at this dog actually he's sticking his tongue out so it looks like but it's Kroger snack pack nuts almonds cashews and penis Valentine's Day dinner please enjoy this special night of fun and help the parents send our current 2018 graduating class on a fun-filled drug and alcohol graduation trip summer palace Asian buffet over 200 items including shrimp beef chicken pork crab legs measles Amish boy reported missing description he was wearing a black hat black suit and black leather shoes well that that should narrow it down to the entire population this is the cat wig yet it's $35 your cats not gonna wear that okay your cat then that cat looked a little like Lindsay Lohan got the freckles and the whole thing you know I don't think you need to be a genius to figure this out yellow water is safe city unsure of cause I know the cause reunions are always special Father's Day son man receives the best New Year's present ever James doubt of Sun City recently met his daughter after more than 40 years women's sanitary products well it's some tough women there's Kotex pads new freedom pads it'll cost brillo yeah I'll have my period it's a girl back you ever wonder why these beauty contestants win here's why Miss Congeniality goes all the way one more okay you know something okay this is some sort of law firm best lawyers in America I'm sure he's a fine lawyer you just go you know there's some times you just don't use your middle initial it's just you know sometimes it impresses people Bob Bijan so whatever but you know this especially when tim is Larry a whole [Applause] kids don't miss the big Easter egg hunt from 11:00 a.m. to 11:00 o 1 don't be late here's your government work bridge closure date Thursday or October we don't know could be Thursday could be October this is partners and health news and views kind of a health you know me Kevin health is my life it says studies linked back pain to back pants very scientific study and look if you order now you can win a free backpack this is from the Princeton Review a fine fine school Princeton by the way and if you go there you've been longer stronger beter you know keV there's a lot of goofball Charities in Hollywood and they're all good to a certain extent some don't seem as important as others this scene doesn't I'm sure it's a good cause Botox for the homeless you know you lying there you want to look your best there must be maybe there's education or something else we can do rather than all right they're trying to scare people what's crawling on your carpet you have kids you know the carpets not clean your kids could catch something maybe get bitten by a bug your kids not gonna get bit by that bug okay [Applause] huh Tucson is spelled wrong here but that is not the issue I just like this headline brain-eating ameba and tucson water supply not a health risk have a glass of brain-eating ameba daily a field trip to jail sheriff Billy long has agreed to take some Hamilton County students to the county jail to show them what happens to adults who commit crimes hmm sheriff long was unavailable for comment Saturday because of his arrest on federal extortion money kids this is my room one of a Republican on this newspaper fountain vallye demon Kratts Central Committee Houston Symphony I don't I guess this is the woman's name I'm a hog young artist competition I guess that's gonna be the Seymour butts Art Center well this one but Seymour butts you guys got a letter from this lake here this company's having a going-away party for a lady at their Little Rock claim office the one of those to arrive is called Walmart and ordered a cake you'll order a cake at Walmart okay he told them the right best wishes Suzanne and underneath that right we will miss you here is the cake says best wishes Suzanne underneath that and it spelled wrong another police thing a white male in his early 20s pump twenty one dollars worth of gasoline into white 1998 chevrolet monte carlo Pennsylvania license plate number and then they give the number on February 17th 1125 p.m. at county fairs at the road but before an InTown ship the driver fled east on Route 322 without paying any with information please call the police what information we have his license number his address the car he was in and what he stole why do I have the police have all the information am I supposed to bat look for this guy now is out cam this is not me this is me I don't know where they got this picture me apparently shrunk my nose and hit me in the face with a shovel I do not look like that look at this high-tech aid for the elderly high-tech aids yeah good luck getting grandpa to put that on okay I can't get mine to work the remote okay all-day event for kids 11 a.m. to 1 a.m. pumpkin painting raffle horse rides pony rides kill the gangsta clown making a memorable treat kids won't soon forget weenies marshmallows I like the ad now you have three marshmallows look and they're killing one of their own marshmallow they've taken their friend stabbed them with a stick and of burning them alive over a fire and then they're gonna eat him you know schools are getting so much more tolerant now Tyler Morgan Bailey named River Valley Falcons homecoming king and queen all right well why one last one here we go menu you know I like when menus tried to sound you know like fancy menu from our garden first course I like this one who won specially from the chefs crack Evansville Indiana two men sentence for possessing four arms just when they thought the food couldn't get any tastier panel may allow McDonald's to tap into sewer warning do not pay high prices for central air conditioning for only five million five hundred thousand dollars and one or two days I don't have two days that's great West Boylston Street attempted Breaking and entertaining into business the guy broke in dad dad dad here's the bargain warehouse apparently went through a bargain printer bling this add to lack and cliff bling this add to lock in place oh boy she is so popular look at that I guess this is from Georgetown Texas join us for a trip of a lifetime 15 day tour Great Barrier Reef visit the Sydney Opera House yes this seems odd this library is closed Friday March 24th for reading day shouldn't it be open someone sent me this postcard Cameron looked out of the twenty minutes why did they send it to me why why I've been to Denver look at the postcard carefully as you know why they sent it to me Denver is the only place in the world where the moon is lower than the mountain the moon actually comes below the mountains I've never seen their ante pent an anti panhandling measure delayed someone councils say it targets the poor really a lot of rich panhandlers out there either all right Italian bistro Tuesday is kids night margaritas for 50 this way you know you're getting old y'all know foreigner you know foreigner cold look at that concert presented by AARP new rizzoli disease there was old as ice here's the yakima herald republic saturday march 8th don't forget to set your clocks ahead an hour before you turn in tonight Sunday March 9th did you forget to turn your clock back last night do it now a time for Knights and chivalry I don't know that doesn't seem like chivalry poking a guy a peaceful st. Patty's Day okay now there is a Chicago Police sent by bambam when gets a kiss Monday from Allyson Posey Alison post that's about 11 o'clock that's Alison post kissing the horse on st. Patty's Day oh here's a couple of a couple of hours later police officer leads Alison post away in handcuffs he's a little wild only this whining at work and how to stop it well look at this is one you know a girl's in a small town when Pennsylvania Democratic Committee woman Vicki har SiC traveled to Texas last month to visit family and ended up of political rally she said you got the thrill of a lifetime when former President Bill Clinton picked her out of a crowd and asked for her telephone number I'm gonna be working under the president Monday 11:51 p.m. suspicious activity machinery running at buttermilk feed mill owners said there are stray cats living in the mill and may have started up the equipment officers receive a part of it I love that Faygo this is small-town cops officers received a report of a dog running loose February 28th and 9 300 block of golden gate drive for unable to locate that dog they proceeded to a home in the street where a dog is known to get out of the yard and run around officers found a dog in the backyard that was panting and seemed out of breath it was apparent this dog was the culprit it is also a perfect the dog knows what a police car looks like police said because they have never caught the dog out of the yard the key is the last sentence after warning the owner the officers claimed the dog was smiling at them when they left debt management get completely out of debt in seven to twelve years we will get you out of debt and what we do when we get you out of debt we'll give you a free trip to Las Vegas yeah I think I found that dog that was smiling at the cops oh there he is right there you never take me alive February 22nd 2:50 p.m. a town of Grand caller reported his wife had been seen in the trunk of his car in violation of a court order Gavin you know Ross McKinney no no no John you know Ross make it blow you guys don't know Ross Metheny ross McKinney you know who he is he is mr. activated sludge oh that guy to be disrespectful this is what it says the Crystal Cathedral this is the Sermon today's message discovering God's Willy that's one more okay this seems a little odd to me easy expression bustier pumping breast milk has never been easier wear it anywhere at home or at work women you really gotta wear that at work I don't Susan can I see you a minute late all righty this is sort of like the classic poorly written headline Cameron Park looks to hire overseer to oversee overseer again another Badman bad sentence wrong word Dennison student tutors English as second language students was it Henry the eighth's is that who it is typical politician Cromwell selectmen meet for quickie now who in this day and age does not know what that means police blotter you know the you know some of the cops have an impossible job just morons you just meet morons all day long suspicious person officers made contact with a man walking backwards down the street when I asked the man told officers he did not want anyone to sneak up on here's Stephanie and Jeff's winner of Castro Valley demonstrate at a Lamaze class breathing techniques to be used during labor you know I think they got it backwards I think they made me miss the introductory class oh here's one of those heartwarming stories you know look at this Troy kids to get ammunition for life well that's good you know how many times you're gonna drive by click click well this is there's nothing funny about it's just the most poorly suspect and DEET application case described as hothead [Applause] all right here you go I got again you know some people just don't appreciate anything Hospital says nay to Horace's visitor a man hoping that you have an ailing relative at the Wilcox Memorial Hospital hadn't considered one of the visitation roles no horses allowed he had the horse entered the hospital earlier in the month rode an elevator up to the third floor rode the horse down to the guys room where they were stopped by security personnel the man's good intentions were - from the patient's Mountain said that's not my horse the simple thank you all outside meet the team and what a team I don't know which one to meet with I'm hoping this is the wrong photo or the wrong caption it says Kathy Anthony of Phoenix takes part Monday in the annual White House Easter Egg Roll on the South Lawn I hope that is not the Easter Egg Roll look at this free prenatal vitamin prescription look at that free prenatal it's terrific look at the fine print valid only for customers over 60 years away Kevin oh I love the Italian singers you know those guys the Italian singers his Albert ah no I will sing any song you want even if he doesn't know it my ego the age we live in car for sale 1996 Pontiac Grand Am v6 owned by a beautiful young lady checked with backlight no DNA spots here's a genius according to police in Honolulu it was Ellis Cleveland who robbed four banks in a five day span respondent Cleveland for I didn't rob for I only robbed three banks but doesn't make difference I'm not talking to you until I get my lawyer I'd be a little late all right you know again this is why you make your own problems okay here's a woman sitting down where are they at oh here they are sitting at the beach okay lovely family destination couldn't be clearer were they two feet from the sign look at that kid what does the sign say go and close alligator warning calves it's always good when groups can talk you know when people don't talk there are problems you know I'm so glad that these two have sat down moose and black bears these are two groups that have been diametrically opposed just to get the mousse in the blackberry cab what do I love well these aren't stupid criminals he did just morons to seven New Mexico men are recovering after dents accidentally shooting themselves while trying to trace a loaded 357 Magnum as a pattern for the tattoo I had the gun here trying to trace it gum went off went through his hand shot the other guy you know sometimes things just sound dirty but they're not dirty they're perfectly fine I'm sure this is a fine Chinese restaurant I'm sure they have delicious it just doesn't sound tantalizing dogs big tang restaurant [Applause] look at this police blotter suspicious incident a woman called police after an unknown man left a note on her car apologizing for staring after seeing her naked through a window while walking his dog the man indicated you to come back and would like to meet the woman who she would like to get together with him yeah I'm sure she's gonna be waiting okay this I'm a phys ed teacher Mary Austin and teaching this and Diane's in disguise you know okay the warning banana suits they're trying to dress up as bananas I don't know this isn't the best costume for the kids really I mean I don't know [Music] look at this dear Connie this is this an ad from what kind of company is this no sound Israel we receive your request to remove your name and phone number from our files in checking we find you do not have a phone number on we do not have a phone number on file for you if you provide us with the number you wish removed we'll be sure to follow through with your request simply return this card with your complete telephone number listed area code also and your address once we get them we'll make sure they are taken off to disgusting look at this cookware set with the convenience of a nonstick surface all right now this is a company find your procurement solutions you know they're not trying to be this is what you how many people looked at this picture and didn't see it or maybe I just have a feel free mind I don't know I don't think I do I just how can you not know [Applause] okay here's the words headline seen a long time now this is a type of bird this is a bird that is affected by acid rain okay then you're gonna read it I'll let you read it that's the bird yeah and finally Edgar to take a new look at burial site decision here you go [Music] alrighty this is when you know you're really not a good marksman rifle team's biggest challenge staying alive now you wouldn't think something like this would provoke an argument Cincinnati Council split over stopping homicides rush to judgment every day low prices at Albertson's how did this this is a real price great gifts pre-wrapped nose hair o actions pre-wrap nose hair and then underneath ins trimmer see it's a trimmer looks bad cavity you eat seafood right Kevin oh yeah but you just stopped eating seafood you stopped eating yeah I'll bet you probably stopped because of this look what they have at penny smart delicious toilet tuna that's the last thing I ate before I stopped van gets $75,000 for China trip this is when you know you need to travel you don't really got I like with this girl they really deserve what you said I'm excited because it's China it's like a different country like oh no a different country now now it seems to me I looked at this photo if you're a minesweeper wouldn't you have the children behind what's the point of that horrible you know keV I am NOT a good speller you know I'm a little just like you know you think with all the text messaging people would learn this noogie this gymnasium the Clinton activity center get family and friends together for basketball dodgeball volleyball or a bad mitten game boy a real estate you know real estate this is the time to buy oh there's so many bargains look at this Glen Burnie 2-bedroom waterfront ranch house needs work look at that just needs a little bit of these to see we did not put this paper together this was cut out of the paper the first one so girl look at the top headline police say man killed and ate his mother look at the headline right below a new study don't force kids to eat you see that ball unfortunate kids to eat here's another fine product from China not the best this is the delicious product called ass bacon ass Thank You shant shun dang ass bacon derived from Tang Bubba this product has a special flavor and its fame for long as fat and no I like the proverb a proverb among the people says the dragon meat in the heaven and the ass meat on the earth new medical wrinkle removes signs of wear this is so stupid this is so stupid like this woman had any work done at all look at look at before oh look at after what just change it donations sought for Perry high school parties any would like to donate the virus called after prom and after graduation parties the senior class is also needed for double size mattresses for the after graduation party oh yeah [Applause] here's an extension toenail clipper oh yeah good luck getting grandpa to work that okay he just line up the toe pull police blotter I love police blotters when cops have to fill out these things assault 2:30 p.m. 1500 block of North Orban two students have unspecified gender told police were assaulted in some way on their way home from an unspecified school one unspecified number of assailants perhaps sustaining unspecified injuries or not at all police did not say [Applause] the chapel and Christian ministries you know just a couple of words changes the whole meaning I'm sure they meant to say worship Judson announces ship leaders this is can we talk this is where they ask people questions a state ban on drivers using handheld cell phones and text messaging went into effect Saturday what the young people say about the new law I love Muriel that's what she says that's all there is to do when you're driving Wow last year the City of Ottawa erected this faithful replica of the home of mayor joseph glover where abraham lincoln was a guest after the first debate with Stephen Douglas Wow look at the beautiful home yeah it's people who live in glass houses this is the same paper same day look at the date of the time March 27th eat drink and smile with confidence dental implants seem to get the guys named dr. Norman Reuben dr. Norman Reuben same paper Smiths town dentist faces charges over laughing gas big beeping attic okay there's another bad spelling thing luggage for sale for pset never use two rolling suitcases toilet tree bag the bag for your toilet tree you know you're a professional photographer is taking a picture of a turkey you're taking a picture of a lady don't try to get them in the same picture okay that's what you wind up with no wanted by Hillsboro County Sheriff's Office Edmond Scott Warren also known as tiny white male wanted for exposure of sexual organs you know if your name is tiny don't go around exposing yourself first rule Marines collect toys for tots a that's a wonderful program I'm not you of course light is the way to go father/daughter fishing team strikes again that's one that when the father and daughter can go fishing you know it's a wonderful thing to share it's just hard when you can't tell which is the father which is the daughter his Lardner fried wide rice noodles topped with your choice of chicken beef or tofu and broccoli in an outhouse gravy apparently this guy gross this guy either grows fantastic vegetables or has some horrible disease Kevin I don't know it is that you the girl's fantastic fantastic vegetables or has some horrible disease you be the judge okay folks we'll be right back look at this man declared brain dead feels pretty good kind of the ironic one semi rig carrying fire extinguishes catches fire you know read your ad when you put it in the paper due to our tremendous growth our new state of the art facility opening soon sales assassins wanted we want to kill the competition down here it okay here's a man I felt sorry for until I read the whole story man stable after wound to the head okay a rural Ellsbury man is a stable condition after he accidentally shot himself in the head Wednesday horrible terrible accident he was shot by a 12-gauge shotgun on the back of the head witnesses were on the scene after the incident reported seeing he appeared to scratch his head with a back of the gun barrel of the sack hey you know Bob regular customers Bob and Betty Cole eat at flappers four times a week and look how they enjoy themselves there look at that coupling dreaming of a Caribbean vacation look at this guy little Ritz cracker in the middle of the ocean Dannan looks like a fun vacation this is one of these things edge setter a question of the week if you could switch genders for one week what would you do during that time Nash steward from Southside I'd find a date and get dressed up like girls like to do that would be fun not that I'm into that now the do's and don'ts of lifting boxes guys pay attention look at this seen it see the do's and don'ts take a look see don't lift like that do get a woman delicious okay okay is this real jobs jobs jobs national company needs 18 enthusiastic career minded people to staff all offices great pay call I'm a dork this is just between girlfriends this is look like a woman's column in the paper if your partner cheated what would you do mmm Claudia says I'd forgive him nobody's perfect but it depends on how many times I think Peggy Nicholson is more indicative I would beat him with his prosthesis and he knows it too he's got a full leg amputee and that damn thing is heavy I defeated objective [Applause] let me explain what happened here this man is selling a donkey to another man and when the man takes out his money to pay for the donkey the donkey eats the money and the two men get in a fight I would have phrased the headline differently ash chewing starts fight okay here's your government money at work you know the federal government they say study things that spent a lot of money to get these facts to you listen to this fish need water feds save me lots of charm center hall colonial lots of history President Garfield slept in this home in 1954 really as in Garfield assassinated in 1881 so apparently his dead carcass had been lying in the hall of this house this is creepy taking a head like this out in the paper wanted yous back hole for personal use when you have your picture taken never stand behind the palm tree okay but makes you look like Albert Einstein [Applause] is something entering text messages alert plan text messages have exploded in popularity in recent years particularly among people people are using the more the number dogs pigs not so much but people to some reason people are attracted I've never seen an ad like this in my life all right many of there's ad healthy one pound turtle means ride to Cincinnati call yeah I give you a lift do yourself a favor Christmas special lobster also puppies when older they will talk oh yeah I'm shoving street talk what have you done to prepare for the next earthquake this woman says I've got an earthquake kid food blankets the other woman says I'm an earth quake it and the truck I check it every week I like this guy I haven't done anything because I'm not really worried about it I haven't even bothered to get any supplies look what his job is strategic planner one minute you're teaching planner this is it here's yeast guard homeopathic gel 100% natural relief Susan's cools external vaginal bitching all right calves here's something you hate to see oh gosh Weight Watchers demonstrator shoplift cupcakes so here's the kind of story I like look at this dog saves owners life if the cat starts fire yeah yeah man's best friend thank you dog you know something as you know senator Kennedy is supporting Barack Obama all right okay and that's nothing wrong with that it's fine thank you candidates but if when you support Barack Obama you don't want to stand too close to the Barack Obama sign because it looks like you're wearing earrings just one of those political things got to be careful here you go postal chief says faster mail delivery to take at least a year Wow pet therapy aid seniors legendre less be a bedridden president at Christian Healthcare says he enjoys visits from the ball python snake really does that woman like she she looks like she's enjoying the visit from the snake [Music] Sandra Bullock husband unhurt in crash never than Sandra Bullock's beautiful actress and Jesse James who are Becky and Gloucester Massachusetts got in a car accident someone hit them no luckily nobody was hurt and you know how beautiful Sandra Bullock is oh yeah this is not the most flattering picture I guess a bad accident man yeah bad actually that's a badass this place is often to vaccinate your pet it's just the unfortunate name a pet vaccines offered Saturday at you kill them oh it looks like Amy Winehouse has some recipe tips crack secret to a perfect appetizer anyway here's the head spa soothes yourself by yourself the cap fits comfortably on any head and adjusts to accommodate different sizes its patent design is lightweight easy to use while at your office at work in your morning commute or at meetings and the nice thing is no one will notice you're wearing this stupid hat oh yeah what is it boss what Thunder alley all this think I like where the boss is having a bowling night for his employees everybody can come bowling it's what I love we hope you have a relaxing and fun time at this event please feel free to come even if you're a non bowler I like the second sentence your time will have to be made up before you leave on Friday or be used as vacation nearly who wouldn't like to go bowling with the boss on your own vacation time County Spelling Bee post ined one more time [Music] I guess this is a stained-glass clock then you put your dog's picture in stained glass I guess as if you'd like that a lot of people do that just poorly worded headline dogs stained glass clocks I don't know dog stained glass clock Wow here is something very valuable I can't believe it's only twenty dollars look at this signed Darth Vader poster I mean how hard is that thing yeah whoa Lin Valley Elementary School is the whole deal they're going on a field trip part of the morning will be spent searching for slugs in the forest the children not need to bring a snack that day [Applause] this is interesting quit which state has the most national parks what would you say which state has the most national parks let's turn it over answer bananas they eat a total 11 billion animal of course I would never pick banana this van is a doctor it's women's health care he deals in women's problems women you need to know now that's just not the best name for a doctor its dr. chick I'm a chick hey baby how would you like to have your gynecologist named dr. chick you know keV I am NOT a good speller you know then I'm a little dyslexia so what I need I call my wife and honey do I spell is that I spell was right if I put an ad in the paper I wouldn't spell it this way pick neck table for sale or pink gladiola bouquet keV I'm gonna show you one with a nice set of knees I said a nice woman has got a great set of knees thank you look if you have a pleasant personality type 50 60 words per minute and enjoy porking receiver lease the new 2009 Toyota Corolla STD includes chlamydia everything it's all in here okay what is this one hey I never heard it's kind of dog Jack Russell terrorists puppies I got a Jack Russell terrorist kroger I of round roast hole or boner list I would want my roast to be borne away sit down to dinner mom okay how old are we 5 years old here and okay one more okay let's see here's here's this I'm a runner interview with Eliot Spitzer governor of New York with the campaign's Fitz's running for governor my days are longer I still have to run my wife doesn't mind when I slip out at 5:00 a.m. she just asked that I don't turn on the lights I don't doubt it all right one last question here you go it's a digital bitching timer [Applause]

Channel: ArisDisc On Ebay

Views: 919,810

Rating: 4.6725464 out of 5

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Id: 8sCEOBO02hQ

Length: 58min 16sec (3496 seconds)

Published: Mon Dec 09 2019