Jay - Headlines (2007) Part 03

I'll show you picture yeah where do you think that is take a look folks take a good look at home look at beautiful is it justice calendar what do you think it is I was stumbling line look what it is look it is Central Park in New York City through Central Park Millions it's I've never seen that it's amazing it did you know it's true every time I go to New York you see something different legless meth-lab suspect on the run from manica cops that's you know meth real easy that's when you're wired okay legless guy is running from the cops it's important to learn the ABCs of success you know how many times you go out with your wife the wife wants to look at one thing you want to look at something else yeah here's a store it's perfect for my wife and I combined two things we like Paul's tire and furniture you can get a couch and tire how many times you need tires but we need asset a weight we need an ottoman well here you go right here all steyr and furniture here's one of those philosophical questions homeless man under house arrest is that possible here are an assembly instructions for this light how to put this desk lamp together and you know lawyers are involved in everything you know I have to be so careful what they say here's the instructions can see what it says there light bulb recommended now we we can't say actually put one in we just recommend you know the police have a terrible job you know the idiots on the phone people down they bother the police trying to do their work animal complaint caller on West Point Avenue reported a belligerent squirrel was preventing him from using his boat dock the caller said he knew nothing could be done about it he just wanted the officers to know what kind of squirrels were running around in this community women if you're looking for a new bra here's the one to get so you can get a shot of it they're nice-looking but look how much is 325 read the fine print 874 let me tell you something the boobs better come with it for that can you might want to rent the $7.99 the Texas Chainsaw massage this looks awful to me these are whimsical planters Oh what's nice planters of headless children what a lovely let me tell you something okay here's the president knighted States giving a speech if you are the photographer and that's probably an official photographer they have to be cleared they have to be professional people to get close enough to the president to take a picture if you're taking a picture of the president speaking at least move the microphone okay storm slides over Alexander Hotel look at the first sentence the French have their Leaning Tower of Pisa and now if the reasons thought no they do not perfect for sharing I mean why did he go fishing wanted to go out in the boat the peace and the quiet look at these two you know once you put the phone down just talk to each other a different kind of policing I love this story mm-hm look at the first paragraph despite the occasional discovery of a dead body officials say the Cook County Forest Preserve is a safe place the whole family event with the occasional discovery of a dead body okay you gotta let that ruin your family outing no kids get away from that look at this five dollars off t-shirt with coupon if you are arrested while wearing an official Joe Bob Bail Bonds t-shirt we'll give you five bucks off how about that there's another idiot bothering the police August 4th 647 p.m. caller from the corner of Oriole Street and sandstone reported what looked like a handgun being carried by a girl with long blonde hair and blue shirt she was carrying a handgun police checked it out she was carrying a birthday cake birthday cake with a handgun you know I think it's great that handicapped people get out and do things it's wonderful god bless them at this one blindness doesn't stop target practice yeah you know all the papers I came from a small town we always had church happenings things happening in your church this is this must be quite a church let's let them of the church happenings of the categories sex offender drugs fraud more drugs a gift give them a world a funnel this is a globe that talks you see you touched the child touches the globe and it says where they are on the globe look at that a girl apparent cording to this globe Boston Massachusetts is in Bombay what's massachusetts is spelled wrong explain this to me okay god bless so the Acts tells celebrate their golden anniversary you're not making fun of the people that's wonderful to married so many years 50 of them okay look at their wedding photo okay go and close a look at that chore than 50 years later now apparently he shrunk a look at how she she grew a foot he shrunk a five okay you know rats on no bats in the Attic this is you know people write in and the newspaper will answer your question what didn't what do you do if a bat joined you in your house okay look what the answer is first do not jump around and wave your anus that would have been my first choice I now know not to do that alright one last one last way you know there's pictures people picking crops in the field you want to know why we have tainted spinach you know why they have tainted spinach there's why we have painted spinach here you go I love this one rally against apathy draw a small crowd GI demo rats plan boost funds for education why has a wonderful thing that conveys everything we like about Thanksgiving look at this with your car hit a deer win a turkey okay your car is damaged to cover an incident involving a deer bring it in we'll give you a turkey how many guys gonna be out where's in there I don't know a lot about genetics but scientists warn male infertility can be passed on really how symphonie League of Santa Cruz County resents its annual Hollywood Home Tour we were having to put this stupid concert on every year shudders yeah okay shudders how do you spell shudders sh sh u TT you know what shudders all right I don't window well maybe this maybe you're just scared no more shudders Street speak how do you flirt I like Sean Smith's answer how do you flirt aggressively I've been in jail three times for it okay okay that's not flirting Sean that's assault look at this deal dollar day special buy one breakfast get a second breakfast for a dollar that's a hell of a deal is that a good deal huh yeah where is it what restaurant how do I get there here's a good combination Wagner's barbershop and guns you like your haircut buddy do you here's the worst headline I've seen a long time porta-potties reduced the steaming piles badly worded sentence AIG when you need insurance AIG with over 700 billion in assets yeah you just borrowed it from us you lyin okay here's this this is gonna require some therapy very pretty girl Jordan van earned first place in the 8 to 12 year old costume contest in Reno her twin sister wearing exactly the same costume was fourth well how does that work Fiesta on the lawn look at this keV only $1 Mexican flavored water what is that exactly this is Mexican Safeway Cuban bar s slice Bologna regular or tasty you know we go with the tasting and I got in trouble with one of these last week keV fitness center before and after do you think they shrunk the picture they're machines eliminate workers Human Resources Minister Lloyd Axworthy is going to replace his departments employees with machines that will give the unemployed advice on how to find work the one gallon hip flask you know how bad an alcoholic to you you need to Cali carry one gallon of whiskey and I'll figure your hips that that fits in there cab what do I like Oh stupid stupid criminals is it genius for you Spokane the Spokane Valley Police arrested 31-year old man late Sunday after used a new hammer to smash a window at the Washington state liquor store stole a bottle of wine Roy then win a Vern Dale Talde offers it he bought the hammer that day for $10.99 in order to grab the 899 bottle of wine he lost two bucks and he's going to jail idiot you know women love romance you know what's more romantic look at this you record talking toilet paper roll look at this see what it says when you pull the roll roller coaster soon will you marry me flush once for yes really just man they're so naturally romantic this is the police log Tom what a suspicious thing it was reported at 4:03 a.m. Sunday in the block of Independence now a suspicious thing was reported at 359 and South Anderson a suspicious thing is reported 558 in Southie a suspicious thing of support on North 10th Street you know this sounds suspicious look your best for the holidays laser spa these are actual patients and could they look any better now if you have a big Night of the Living Dead party seh s-band works at Forbes inaugural ball the band will use the proceeds defray the cost of their trip to form at the Marti Gras India country-western singer than we have here's a performance of the Nutcracker by the Midwest Ballet Theatre that kid seems really interested there that mean the house of qian restaurant authentic Chinese food daily buffet ellicott menu weaken bathroom dancing you know his an ad in the livestock section top ad have you seen our cow female black with white face red tag in here last seen on County Road 45 look at the ad below it is this your cow black with a white face female cow last seen heading south on 45 one more one minute I'm not even gonna say this one oh here people can read it and finally it says Cathy Baird has a nose for news and probably not much of a nose or anything else that look the other photographer you're taking the woman's picture okay you can't wait another minute for the dog to finish his business really yeah you know John Melinda is getting famous Oh getting mail here at the show this is from Redbook marketers look directed to John and Mel endeavor their parents what is this sorry Lois this is the Osaka Japanese and American cuisine I was like when they try to have you know you come to this country and you you know you want to show you you bring your culture and you want to blend it with I think they got a little bit wrong here look they're featuring pie Alamo as you know February is President's Day this calendar features one of our greatest presidents Benjamin Franklin well of only half the people got the beat I did that as a and a half of you flunk miserable you know why do we have homeland security if we do this top-secret mission to launch Tuesday why are you telling people why this is a bad way to phrase this seven-day diarrhea runs through Bay County I am going nowhere here they County for the next seven days look at this Stouffer's entrees with thank you card $119 without card $2.25 I say no thank you people do anything to sell a house lease option Mediterranean villa two bedrooms just steps to the ocean and golf course looks sunsets every believable everyday they you go there boom like a clockwork J I wonder why this restaurant ran out of went out of business warning restaurant closing the club the corncrib restaurant is closing after 25 years if you have a gift certificate to the corncrib we suggest you marinate it and eat it I'm surprised because the franchise thing didn't work out look at this how underhanded my suspected of sparking blaze that killed a hundred cash you know let me tell you something okay once men get past 40 you can't teach them anything okay they're not gonna learn this okay look at this instructor Candace Davis demonstrates a walls for students and a ballroom dance class and to Costa made you see Costa Mesa Senior Center look not one of those guys has got it right look at them all right now this is meant to be a wedding announcements okay it's Rick and Robin are in Hawaii okay now their friends are gonna see this amore Oh Rick's last name is drowned by the way so look at the headline Rick and Robin drown in Hawaii cab what do I love more than anything super stupid criminals would be thief prized or open a 24-hour Dunkin Donuts the Dunkin Donuts is open 24 hours big sign this guy shows up at 2 o'clock in the morning with a crowbar tries to pry the lock off it falls in when the door opens and there are people eating [ __ ] all righty let's go to white-trash news ladies and gentlemen Newport City police officer Jennifer Harlow says in an affidavit she went to the rendezvous bar on January 21st to investigate her part of women fighting one of the women officer Harlow said had called the other woman a crack [ __ ] woman denied the insult saying she was a heroin [ __ ] and boy one thing about men they know fashion here's the fashion vinyl poncho and really what's more stunning looking I love this one a Neriah suede woman said there was a man walking around the area wearing a camouflage jacket and the camouflage cap police officers did not see him oh okay okay this keV this is worse than dressing up yura and this is Botox for your dog it's called Botox for your pet join hundreds who have visited look look at the before picture and look at the after picture you know this is what I love people to clog up our court system just plead guilty you Bora look at Dolly's vehicle skidded side was under 14 feet entered a ditch and turned upside down Donnelly suffered a fractured arm a cut and an artery at his trial which began on Monday the 64 year old Donnelly said his vehicle went out of control because of a deer he had not been driving drunk instead he claimed that after his vehicle turned upside down his glove compartment popped open a bottle of whiskey fell out believing he was going to die Donnelly drank the whiskey only then getting done we even need a trial a stupid thing that is okay Happy New Year Hiller's supermarket I don't know why it's just supposed to be a faint appealing why do they have their dog popping out of a bunch of ground beef employment opportunities tired of working for only 975 an hour we offer profit-sharing and flexible hours of benefits starting pay five to seven dollars an hour one limit one more okay here we go I love politics Rutland's mayor takes a close look at new dancing you know now here is a this is a home's window fan seeing that name window fan with digital control and you might want to read the directions warning to reduce the risk of electrical shock injury to persons do not use in windows I guess this is a big problem a lot of people have carpet tunnel syndrome is often miss - hate getting carpet tunnel syndrome look at this restaurant a delicious breakfast menu here look at the bottom choice of ham bacon sausage or spam in season you get that spam it's three or four days past due day I'll often miss the job I've done dirty grout get it out removing grout from the floor you got to get down there and scrub although I think this guy scrubbed a little too hard look at the before picture and look at after yeah I think he scrubbed a little chair here's a good idea fireworks show to be aired on radio look at that one notice Becker County Landfill will be closed Thursday July 4th in observance of Memorial Day I like this guy what is your best memory of the fourth of July look at Lloyd says I've never thought about it but I did blow my finger off playing with firecracker when your best memory is blowing a finger up now look at this here's the Pepsi 400 this is a huge NASCAR race now you see the cars they say Pepsi 400 on the car Jamie McMurray wins the Pepsi 400 can go to picture of Jamie what's he drinking a coke not much chance of Jamie getting another ride next year keV I know you're vegetarians you're not probably familiar with this particular dish smoked beer and I'm a chicken you know I'm just gonna have the fruit platter here's the China star Japanese cuisine look it says in the menu Japanese alcoholic available in front of mine is the Japanese alcohol alright this is the stupidest idea I've ever heard VIP fibers mail-order custom spinning of your pets fur into unique yarn okay you sent him you said under your pets fur and they'll make you a sweater what does that smell like when it rains huh what's your dog gonna think when he apartments and condos unfurnished downtown PA two bedrooms two bath condo covered parking references required no smiling how do you enforce that Hey look at this a nice isn't it boy here's a terrific meal for a single guy summertime it's the hot chick salad two cups cup cubed chicken and two large bread get this the Chop Shop prime meat market Iowa's finest beef pork and lamb here's the Windsor craft 36 the one's a crafty odd company invite you to the unveiling of the Windsor craft yeah look at look at the bottom line classic timeless elegance uncomfortable I would use the last line of the copy as a great name I'm sure he's a good accountant certified public accountant Scott sloppy here's a couple of geniuses brothers trucks collide reaching for cellphones pickup trucks driven by two brothers collided head-on when one saw the other and picked up his phone to call the other one but they actually both men with minor injuries so nobody was alright I don't quite understand this this is uh Illinois Air National Guard members unload victims during Prairie Thunder a large-scale disaster exercise they do this you know you have to do this nowadays disaster exercises I don't understand why they have to pull down the pants of all the deal with the disaster on my own okay but you guys running around taking your pants off what's that all Damascus chief arrested Damascus fleet chief Tony Richardson talks Friday about the town's newly added drug dog on Saturday - chief arrested on drug charges okay so probably the dog is doing its job little too good not funny just look at this genius Tuffy's auto service center we fix any car you know why don't you get the car out of the middle of the road before you completely blocking the highway working on the car idiot here's Beverly Jung has been awarded an oem for her work with children with disabilities and boy that child really looks a I'm not sure I want to meet the parents of that kid that's Tony Schaefer stands atop spillway Lake Gwinnett County drained the lake in order to fix a nearby dam County officials are uncertain as to why the fish died maybe because you drained the lake new today long-term care facility looking for experiences nurses nurses to work in a friendly [ __ ] like cyclists are encouraged to wear helmets on their rides past the gala on independence baths not not fit only for gentle save but in case of falling rocks need okay now see can you see the cyclist under that rock he doesn't have a helmet on yeah okay you know dancing is such an art you have to do it if you do it wrong it just looks bad okay looks okay what's out right to me his fountain foul despite complaints officials say no you know I gotta say I think the fountains foul okay nbc.com slash all right this first headline Kevin this is something I've heard you say many times mushrooms get the party started how depressing is this one of the greatest gifts you'll ever give your family maybe your funeral are you smarter than a White County fifth grader Street poll why do we celebrate the 4th of July is Andrew Evans of menthol she says because of our independence from Mexico I tell you now that some of these homes look so beautiful when you see them advertised look at this amazing view property absolutely beautiful three-bedroom two-bath Eagle Rock home and look at the view that is just stunning it's how did this headline even make it to this I understand one line look at this read the headline and Mount Hood's rescue a warm dog hot frequency Meena happy dr. Mike vada mine is pleased to announce the doctor s Hussein has joined his dental practice look at this eat and greet the candidates now he has prince charles meeting some british soldiers and he does fine until he comes to the female soldier what is he doing here look at this Gavi I'm in a Colorado Springs beautiful yeah hello Phil area his Hidden Springs retreat 125 acres five hundred and fifty thousand dollars look at that who wouldn't want to stay there look at that oh sure it needs a little work what's the scariest thing you've ever done Clarence Caldwell the Fayetteville says I went out with a girl whose husband was in federal prison his family live next door oh yeah I love these two look at it look at these yuppie this yuppie couple I love it you can see in the look in the catalog you know I love look they're on the catalog Calvino I love any kind of motorized vehicle I've never heard of this one amory go far at six and a half horsepower six and a half horsepower that sounds now here you go I love this menu it go alright this is the most honest menu I've ever seen look at chicken three dollars and 70 cents or real chickens I'm gonna try the real chicken see me Bike Works look at this 25 percent off any bike purchase of $250 or more 60% off any purchase $5 more and the hundred percent off any purchase dollar give me three thousand dollars worth alright this you know this is just the end of America look at this smokers bib stop fumbling with cigarettes and dropped ashes on burning holes and seniors clothing look at this so you come a grandma in this hey dad grandmas on fire again get grandma's asbestos blanket man oh just just a headline you think they'd be a little more delicate read it yourself in guide and conservationists really this one I made me I I tried to figure out why they send this is Tom Ben Vanitas state auditer the best team for New Mexico was only a vote away now look at this picture look at this picture at the top you see the picture see the eye patch now look at them in the crowd the eye patch is on the other you know here's a look at this brave soldier heading off to Iraq or somewhere what a fight the caption they just make it sound private Anthony mingotts kisses his mother Lisa before leaving Monday for the airport okay that's I'm really guess that's not his mother Lisa okay boater Mark Antony of England I'm someone you know I don't know what this guy did to win this trophy I don't even know what this trophy is all I know is I don't want this trophy in my house okay I don't know what it is it's just some time look at me man look at me okay where they got Mike one more two more two more Hey look a here's a hell of a deal on the car 91 Jaguar look never no damage ever really they backed up too close to the Sun apparently okay here's a guy wanted to combine Japanese and US tastes that's what you see that a lot of that different foods Mexican style pizza we have here that's everything Japanese and US tastes meat at Jeff penis I don't know if I want to eat that Jeff a deadline

Channel: ArisDisc On Ebay

Views: 788,262

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Id: EGCQqLH43D4

Length: 38min 8sec (2288 seconds)

Published: Wed Nov 27 2019