Jay - Headlines (2007) Pt 05 of 05

hey how much money was spent doing this county names freedom bridge freedom bridge Mental Illness Group offers demonstration I believe you I believe you helicopter Valentine's Day special goals for our helicopter ride look and soar over the peaches apparently must have caught something on Valentine's Day Wow this is my favorite one I'm gonna read this to you see what it says man reports wife missing after a year it's all Lawrence County sheriff's deputies say his wife is missing she had he become worried okay you haven't seen her in a year guessing the dishes were piling up there accordion enthusiasts gathered for convention what it's twice as big as last year and so make you paranoid excessive worrying is cause for concern you know how fat are we getting in this country you know something it's unbelievable all-you-can-eat buffet drive-through window available see drive up and they have a big thing the food you keep going around is that what it you know Kevin Kevin even on the road a lot you know being on the road is tough in it oh yeah the amount of road is hard look at picture Willie Nelson this put you Willie Nelson look at can go close Willie Nelson age that's 10 miles of bad road in there new $20 bill causes problems every browser calling of Attleboro crossing laundromat it's found the new $20 bills don't work in the change machine yeah going clothes because chained machine takes once fries now camera I'm not a military man you know that all right you know I I don't know how much about these types of things but it says Army unveils wash and wear uniforms I don't think we're gonna frighten anyway I can't imagine al-qaeda fleen is a deal here's the clambake the clambake restaurant 20% off bill excludes alcoholic beverages breakfast lunch and dinner are you gonna use this huh would you want this toilet seat covering your house why would you want that Royall supper buffet children under 5 inches 499 children under 3 inches of dollars look at this you think somebody the paper might spot this cuz I guarantee the audience will spot this immediately immediately I think someone at the paper the typesetter I don't know whoever does that know the neurologist gives annual weiner lecture why do they know and this guy doesn't some people are so picky about the kind of job Oh with the job isn't exactly what they want who they're not gonna work in it employment wanted notice I will crack and pick out nuts for others I don't maybe takes the cashews out of this I don't know okay royal treatment it says Britain's Prince Charles shakes hands with H Lee Scott president and CEO of Walmart then go to the last line the woman was unidentified but she might have been an interpretive apparently people in Britain don't speak Arkansas he said hello police blotter see this is when you know you live in a small town nothing was reported stolen from a 2002 Mustang at a park play I guess this is something we you I guess it's like a match making dating service and then people send it you know the person you met you send a picture and they use it in the ad to say oh you know it says Gina is the first and only girl I've been with besides my mom creaking [Music] TV doorbells a problem for all would you please put an article in the Aiken standard in regard to television ringing doorbells in their soap operas I go to my front door and my back door six to eight times everyday thinking the doorbell is my doorbell because it sounds exactly like my doorbell please put a double article in there three or four times next month I would appreciate it so would 10,000 other people we all complain about the same thing has 10,000 friends that have the same problem here's a bad restaurant okay when there's an insect in the picture what do you think's happening here what is happening here North Parker Street 100 block stolen summer sausages and condom boy she's changed that was last time Salma Hayek was on the show a while ago or a while yeah yeah boy she has certainly changed no sex you can't get a nice house in LA for reasonable price look at that four-bedroom three-bath beautiful Italian restaurant you know keV I love Italian food I'm laughing with this the Asian manicotti elkhorn oh I think that's a summer sausage with a condom here's a real simple one Cheez Whiz $2.99 whiz on everything how many times you ask yourself this question why have GUI public schools why do we this seems a little insensitive attention fellow employees with work-related hearing loss listen to this you know as if our kids are not fat enough as it is look at this baby's first junk food these plush playthings cheeseburger teaches building skills and how to make a hamburger french fried puppet you can wiggle the french fries before you know what one is you just know you want to eat them now there you go Jack Daniel warns that water may be dangerous stay away from that water gee I wonder this was made in a foreign country magnet massage mousepad the health product in 21 century liquid says number two the soft movable pad with small magnet pieces inside make the palm not easy to grow cocoons and feel comfortable here's the 5-star send me have to be careful you know because sometimes you think you're going to see the movie and you're really going to the porn version of the same movie you know like this one here privates of the Caribbean okay take your kids to that KAV I see why are vegetarian dogs and cats on menu at shelter adoption luau it seems a little self-serving me wolf to speak to sheep producers I think there may be an alternative motive here Wolfe's to speak to this is this mark Winston Kirk Saturday doesn't tell this is a real country boy Kip is the real country boy look he's gonna appear on Saturday the 26th June 26 they can't love this then you wanted to get special savings from your neighborhood Bayside garden center but you wanted to know where is it how do I get there luckily they have drawn a map so you can find the star that is right there if you just follow the no on the streets of buildings anywhere here's the China kitchen restaurant Chinese I'm sure this is a fine restaurant I'm sure the food is delicious but kid the menu put some pants on okay what you doing in that fish but cut out some of the peeling other weird Rosemont cafeteria workers cook like they're feeding their family what's in the menu today brillo looks delicious woman arrested in Berkeley for operate operating a motor vehicle while intoxicated during a sobriety test she could not finish reciting your ABCs and said the letters out of order she told the officer that she could not remember the alphabet because she had not said it in year look at this dentist limit before and after there's nothing like new teeth now look at it before picture look at before and look at after you want to save yourself 25 grand just smile here is the Presbyterian Church of the master I imagine that your dad's Church they play sacred music nah yeah sure yeah well here is a whole festival of scared music police bother Roseburg police 109 two men drinking in public urinating garbage can and trying to give away a nasty Barbie doll Taleb one a girl wanted to assist magician and cutting off head illusion BlueCross and salary yet lucky like I did three times in one night using this patented male enhancement program this guy took this mail-in handsome male enhancement pill and apparently he was with three women in one night women I don't know would you be with that guy taking one too many of the pills okay here's the school lunch menu one thing about the school lunch money is certainly diversified look at Tuesday smorgasbord Wednesday smorgasbord Thursday smorgasbord hey what's for lunch Monday no school Monday his body solution this is another stupid okay look at before look at before can he going across okay now look at after ji think he sucked his gun difference that's meléndez every night before the show any stop china cabinet buffet hutch solid pine lighted windows a few cat scratches but cat has been killed men do you suffer from vaginal dryness No there you go here's one of those riveting headlines Weber arson suspect to plead guilty or not guilty is a case where you might want to rethink something look at this headline miracle cure kills fifth patient you know maybe change the name call me here's carpet steam cleaning $15.00 per room when we say $15 per room we mean a hundred and fifty is the kind of story you hate to see you know so sad fire destroys go-go bar lease for men homeless poor guys that know where to go now this is a it's a Chinese restaurant the menu was printed in English or maybe was printed in China can you read the bottom what it says there consume a gah or undercooked undercooked meat poultry seafood shellfish your eggs may increase your risk of food bottom you don't to get food bone especially of you have sustained medical condition so it is something to keep in mind sometimes problems can be too much help is just a call away receive help for sickness depression which crap you're on your own with the winters breath as a song go keV try to remember that day and set that been bad bird be good boys today why thank you here you go ten proven weapons to beat prostate problems once and for all is not a good ad is it I mean that doesn't seem good calves you like good tea don't you love good well look looking look at this gourmet salad dressing look half the I was going yeah what's wrong here's something I did not know this was a stunning revelation close look at dating finds men choose attractive women I was stunned to learn let me ask you questions why is Dick Cheney working at Denny's anybody okay something I don't want to hear there are no jobs out there there are no jobs for people to do there's plenty of opportunities look at this one here but Pickers needed to pull barbecue meat hard time room for advancement oh yeah SHRM members when you become a member of SHRM you have access to exclusive member benefits I like the sentence the price of membership far exceeds the value that you'll receive you know I'm sorry this is a toilet it's a toilet or a John it's not memoize by Kohler memoirs well done I remember sitting there remember the fun we had and of course if you have that toilet you can't just have any plunger you have to have of course the designer plunger shop now this seems like it might be a hate crime to me Kemp alright I think this is a I don't even understand this I didn't know this gay whale shot with machine gun I did not even know they were gay whale you don't want one of them after you gain wheel hits on you you just go along for the ride Thank You Erik and Marianne Alexander which one is Marianne that's right I don't know why this would made me laugh it's just so stupid it's for CARFAX you know that it says I am enjoying the car I purchased with help of Carfax checking CARFAX gave me the peace of mind to purchase the car Carfax found no accidents or major problems and I loved the owner look at the owner can you go closer here are some office relaxation techniques you know I wish the girls upstairs would try some oh look at it I love this one this is that Oh beautiful homes homes for sale you know when they when they list homes you always want to put the selling point the one thing that makes people want this house look at the ad see Walmart from your private debt what Connie folks some of the old neighborhood come to the house take a look down there bye you guys been a lot of trouble with gambling guns in sports that's a big problem and it says betting on sports no gamble you'll lose we'll look at some of these prominent gamblers well as Bryant's and next guy and the next guy this last one confusing when she when she betting on dogfights what's going on women single white male 43 five foot nine blonde doesn't sound bad owns his own home that bad seeking single white female twenty two forty simple home body type enjoys gardening mucus and Harley's I've lose the third one well this Torii Hunter attack by bear and unarmed bear attack this is the worst name for hair salon I've ever seen you know you know seats place to have names like the clip joint to you know the hair port or something alright I don't know I don't know if I'd want to go there hair downstairs creative hair design well the hair downstairs is fine alright forget about the hair downstairs it's another great job another remember the buck picker to bribe you don't want to be maybe saying but picking is not for me people needed immediately to mold manure figure what a fabulous job I gotta go to my other job bug picking right after now before we get ahead like ever I didn't get a chance to discuss it with you before the show I just saw you I feel we may have a metrosexual in our Miss OH you know once every two weeks Melendez our announcer disappears I can't find him okay I go looking for him today and he's in the hairdressing area or the door lock okay and I hear a humming I get the key I go in with the camera I found this very disturbing there he is there he is getting his hair glazed I was so upset I didn't know what to do can we see your hair yeah look at how good it looks yeah it looks good please someone cares about it can I can I do that glaze uncle AJ yeah sugar glaze on it yeah all right here we go this is anything this is from the graduating class of what high school is Valley High School in New Mexico this is the invitation you know all parents love to get these manna face teach English see commencement exercises begin at 4 o clock yeah this sounds like a good deal annual fish fry to feature chicken okay here's a hell of a deal here's a Burges old time bar and grill free tomato with every BLT that's a good slogan the safer you are the more you safe how many times in our own lives have we said that I know your dad from the pulpit has probably said that oh yeah he has grand opening stiletto to all-nude 20 new dancers completely renovated here you go ten rare spectacular twenty acre estate sites some sites both huge manure trees okay now but if I want to park your car under the manure tree I just oh I have a pig thing or do I have any feel oh this is the senior cheerleaders is featuring all the cheerleaders Bob this one little girl Stacie Pannell I like what it says about her when she isn't cheering she likes to spend time with your boyfriend his Italian sausage made the old-fashioned way with BHA BHT citric acid added the health effects later the way my grandfather used to make in Italy with VHD bak this is so stupid wall beds by Bergman it makes the most of your space the perfect wall bed see see the top to see the shells and that folds down into a bed okay fact is you have to take everything off the shelf to put the met what's the point of shelves you got to take everything down it's a little creepy isn't things for sale sausage stuffer $5 meat grinder $5 animal carrier $5 Hillary Clinton was here in California as we speaking at the Santa Clarita air to college hmm new jobs for Tom Morrow another real estate ad 2.5 acres with home near landmine immaculate perfect I love the auto ads they're the most honest 1971 pace arrow 360 engine auto 1900 dollars needs work really it needs a Manitou walk I guess that's in Wisconsin Honors Convocation University of Wisconsin students are silhouetted against the wall apparently they have a witch graduating personal assistant entry-level position $10 an hour attend to all personal matters massage office and Clara pay heed to the warning signs if you have a cat my wife when I have a cat cats infected with heartworm disease do not show any outward signs here are some of the signs difficulty breathing diarrhea weight loss and the last one sudden death doc I notice my cat had sudden death is that a symptom of something all right look at this busy Italian restaurant these are restaurants looking for cooks busy Italian restaurant the enter on deck seeks a full-time cooked I like the Bona ones come work for Subway and have your dreams crushed like the rest of them why somebody had to go through the phonebook to find this one that's the name is look at the they all you can eat escort service here's a four-bedroom brick Cape Cod house on a scale of one to ten this one is an a fresh is healthier these are all kinds of prepared sausages there's chicken turkey and my favorite puppy no I'm no zoologist keV but I know my animals I think don't be left out in the cold joint the pelicans okay those aren't cut okay how many people looked at this had good job Bob I like the spacing I like the this is something horrible police blotter you know the horrible look at this Walmart police received a report of a newborn infant found in a trash can upon investigation offs discovered it was only a burrito weddings I got to do this when this guy is surf you know when you take a picture of someone surfing you might want to move the surfboard okay I'm just saying you might want to move the center board it just looks bad okay you know I'm saying I couldn't be happier well it's June let's do some June weddings these are real people with interesting names that met and fell in love is the hardy-har wedding is the poor sap wedding join us for the loonie Ward wedding it's the crap beer wedding everyone's smiling at the best lane nuptials it's the bush rash wedding it's the nicer whole wedding it's the Wang holder wedding it's the beaver wetter wedding yes and my favorite the trailer hooker wedding well these sound delicious boneless skinless Amish breasts I didn't know the Amish more conservative better look at this affordable office furniture designed just for you whose office is that Bill Clinton's what kind of office for sale one more tends to catch on fire but can easily be put out with garden hose I like this one the Dayton Daily News women's wine and cheese party someone's selling a pet for you all Beagle runs good fifty dollars is the carpet warehouse look at their head the carpet warehouse here's the Insano market from all of us here we'd like to congratulate all the recent high school graduates good luck with your future endeavors with the warm days of summer be sure to check out a great selection of beers and cold wine this is very bizarre welcome to Plymouth harbors Mayflower dining room sounds like a very nice place now here are the items you can order sandwich you can get explain this to me lettuce tomato onion or penis I'm just gonna go with the unheated tomato wanna skip the penis on my Segway design your own picnic the Lafayette grande traveling chef kid look at this family fun ideas egg toss face painting pony rides beer chugging yes a tourist receives a traditional Thai massage that that a traditional time you gotta go to Thailand sometime yeah is legendary recording star BJ Thomas whose hits include them anymore well here a couple of tortoises enjoying a Thai massage Lake government coming Sunday June 3rd bride and de limits this see what happens 22 year old white male six foot four hundred ninety pounds janitorial master once clean three baths up in twenty minutes seeks nineteen year old - 32 year old female it's always sad when someone loses a pet lost puppy four months old female last seen a 38th normal wearing a cheerleading outfit okay I think I know why the dog ran off okay he has new york buffet and grill and look at the beautiful New York skyline who hasn't been to the top of this who hasn't been to the New York Space Needle it's bigger than the Empire State Building look at this an important important anyone who is that a bone scan within the last five years where your knees have been strapped to your crotch with a 6s you Joe I didn't really know I didn't realize this chef needed to prepare it lesbian dishes this is take a stand if you could go back and do anything different in life what would it be his atom courier from Burlingame you know young people they look back in their lives and this young man is reflected on what he would do if he could go back and do things differently I would have started smoking pot earlier I started at 18 but my friends at a good two or three years on me you know it and it's almost impossible to catch up come to the band it's over Octavius here's the most disgusting food item I've ever seen at the Wiener schnitzel across the street it's a chili cheese fries burrito we have here Oh with the top of this goo for new bar customers Riley drugged you you know bad photography is a pet peeve of mine okay you're taking up you're taking a photo of the Admiral okay you can't move him away from the rope okay why do you make him stand there's another bad photo this guy is modeling some jackets gee I wonder what his friend is doing in the bushes there shot all right you think that would have chosen a different song nice group of young men here singing look at the Connecticut gay men's choir will sing you're the cream in my coffee can't you seen you are my sunshine that's all best barbecue in town Boden Animal Clinic one more night one minute okay I like this doctor quick let me introduce myself an important free gift dr. will tickle and finally lemming ten supplies adult diaper rentals about an hour a change of pants both devil eyes fight you trainer go away baby someone set me that is it says cure sleeping is the right way you know you see it's a thing you put in your ear okay first let me show you the products you put in your ear and it buzzes see when you use it how to use before a long-distance driving drunk driving or night driving so you know you want to be a responsible drunk driver so when the cop is yelling at you want this buzzing in your ear Kevlar of global warming you know about this is a problem much worse global warming threatens you Kanha me these huge global worms I want gives village each drugs wellness and nutrition center because how important is that the wellness and nutrition center there's Marlboros Budweiser I was not aware of this particular religious domination denomination domination it's the geek Orthodox Church computer guys that work with falafels and things it's the D chord oh yeah I like the domination bit here's something very American flag 60 stars pole included $100 that is a very rare flag mmm this sounds delicious nutria plant can't my wife's going that's not funny seasons favorites stolen coffee cake pump is working to improve pheasant populations for the birds as means to help revive the dwindling population that they really helping the birds there I don't know does that really like those guys are helping this is what you call a modest man all right Jim Moore receives the first annual Jim Moore award a lot of candidates and the one most like Jim Marwood Jim Moore himself mm-hmm mmm Safeway Club price at the 4th of July coming up do you want craft barbecue sauce you hate to see this cab you hate whether this Betty Ford cited for public drunkenness if only there was a clinic holiday and complete wedding reception package package includes six-hour ballroom I like the bottom on hospital room for bridal party so effectively get pretty wild military surplus Harrison enterprises military surplus and lingerie couples can go together and Kevin's went right up the street in Van Nuys California seven construction look how they spell engineer and architect blueprint do you have unsightly discolored toenails that's always embarrassing unsightly discolored toenails not as bad as having of course green feet Hey look at this rattlesnake four months old good plaything for kids nearly $900 stolen and break in the McFarland Center you need to be a target of property crime this year graffiti marred the walls with the bees way a window in the breezeway was broken and youth continued to live the area with small fires cigarette butts and ravioli must be Italian kid chef boy these kids lay that's genius eight thousand block of airline driver man said he loaned his drug dealer his 95 GMC Suburban in exchange for some crack cocaine the dealer did not return the vehicle and the crack turned out to be a piece of whack when you can't trust your crack dealer Joe Johnson Johnson's philosophy he holds no grudges I like that sentence 22 NFL quarterbacks have felt his sac calves here you go keV his the king of white-trash weddings there you go it's the TWiki wedding cake here's another poorly worded headline I'll let you read this one drivers avoid collision near Dryden is a good thing they avoided a collision magnet those two actually hit each other okay now we have some weddings these are people with interesting names June June weddings there's the sharp pain winnie is the outhouse burns when I like this one Sal shmell sound smell wedding it's the full of beers wedding here's a couple of headers truck stolen it's the cokehead wedding I mean thank you unless I get it they both look he's handsome she's beautiful it's the lovely he said the cokehead wedding who doesn't see that it's the mouse crap wedding the mouse crop to get together with a cokehead it's the doer early wedding breasts mash wedding the pickle rider wedding the strangling Johnson wedding finally the divine whole wedding

Channel: ArisDisc On Ebay

Views: 1,410,047

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Id: x8mXG2nvLig

Length: 45min 44sec (2744 seconds)

Published: Sun Dec 08 2019