JAY LENO - HEADLINES!

is the genoa township result this is why you know a newspaper might be biased for one candidate general township trustee top finisher helen barber two thousand one or three votes other guy one thousand reporters right there this is the madison county journal it's a young woman named uh uh melanie fur now she here she is a young athlete your chance to get your picture in the paper as outstanding athlete melanie rather melanie fur when i say melanie melanie fur is this the best picture they could get ever out in the court i mean that really the best picture looks here's the kind of place i would go shopping that my wife would hate it's paul's tire and furniture company yeah i get you four radials where you want a couch you get a couch too yeah go to couch girls trip to europe is educational [Applause] oh how creepy are these neverland cookies i don't know if i want to eat one of those what's in that hey i'm getting tired [Applause] this is interesting here the axles uh celebrate their golden anniversary eleanor and howard married 50 years 50 years god bless them in a lovely couple just odd look at the picture apparently either he's gotten shorter she's gotten taller over the 50 years i'm not sure apparently i guess i guess he married it when she was like 9. i mean [Applause] odd picture that is lost black black angus steer 500 pounds last seen near wallace brothers barbecue okay i don't think okay timmy your cow is gone you know i looked at this one for 10 minutes i tried to figure out why the person sent it to me and then i realized this is an ad i'm trying to eat healthy but i still want the great taste of eggs now look at the picture this guy's got two eggs and he's got an egg on his fork but it's not from either the eggs in the play that's how it works barely where did that chunk of egg come from what is that gav what do i love stupid criminals criminals man ah this is great look at this this is out of rhode island pawtucket rhode island legally blind man who police say acted as a lookout for his brother was arrested along with his siblings after two allegedly tried to rob an apartment a building resident saw the two leaving the apartment came suspicion called 9-1-1 then went in from the building eugene allen who can only see shadows mistook the resident who called the in the robbery for his brother see so when the cop showed up he said hey he thought it was his brother said i got the stuff get in the car gee we hadn't had that blind guy at the lookout this might have worked panel discusses pros and cons of racial slurs what are the pros really of racial slurs what's the upside to that really why why would you oh it's a good thing wow look at this beat the holiday rush order now yes get your headstone before christmas i mean how many times before we forgot to get the headstone [Applause] [Music] kev what do i love stupid stupid criminals cut out of springs guy walks into a corner store with a shotgun demands all the cash from the cash drawer after the cash put all the cash in the bag the robber saw a bottle of scotch he wanted behind the counter on the shelf he told the cash to put it in the bag but the cash you refused saying i don't believe you are over 21. the robber said he was over 21 the clerk refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him at this point the robber took out his driver's license gave it to the clerk the clerk looked it over wrote down the facts they said you are 21 gave the man the scotch called the cops they arrested the guy at his house what an [Applause] [Music] idiot develop basic dance skills the best way without distracting music oh yeah you know i love to dance but the music is so annoying it's hard to move with that pounding make a man 35 jailed on battery charges according to reports the argument between wingo that's the guy's name wingo and his wife started after the couple had gone dancing in gulfport wingo became angry after he saw his wife dancing suggestively with a the prosecutor said can't you just say another man why does it have to be a hey wait a minute is my wife with a your wife is with another guy [Music] i don't know this is what happens in little towns i guess little towns just this is their big fare for route 80 it's called dildo days oh [Applause] people come from miles away ah miles away for the dildo days celebration you can't beat it digital hearing aid prescriptions are precisely matched to your individual requirements you know i don't think i have a dirty mind it just seems to me if you're if you're setting up a christmas picture why even leave it open to a double entendre or suggestion this doesn't see the best placement of the candy cane for me you know just you know why why do that am i the only one that noticed that you can't move you can't put it in the oh in the teddy bear's hand you have to have the that one never mind i didn't say anything man dildo days his vikings here's vikings wide receiver randy moss you know randy moss i like his quote it's a once-in-a-lifetime thing that only happens every so often god bless them here is the definition of an optimist billy dillon wades through floodwaters from hurricane isabel to clear a drain in the motel parking lot is that drain clear yet okay here's senator dianne feinstein showing off her breasts to governor arnold schwarzenegger again this is not what i would have done you think the editor would say hey wait a minute this could have a double meaning i'm not here you can read it for yourself you have a headline to the tonight joe with jay leno 3000 west alameda avenue burbank california nine one five two three if you want to see more headlines go to our website at www.nbc.com tonight show be right

Channel: TOMSTERSTUFF!

Views: 152,330

Keywords: tomsterstuff

Id: _FY1n8o20jY

Length: 8min 16sec (496 seconds)

Published: Wed Jul 14 2021