Jay Leno Best of Headlines Part 1

look I can believe it's not butter this is home for the fourth pet show I like the little underlining request live pets don't don't go dragging it into the show Shalom kosher quality butcher apparently I guess is Jewish chicken different look I'm not familiar with this is a coupon for four legged ship what that is look at this one oh my god although this is skip Kincaid a forest consultant Kirkwood uses global positioning satellite receiver last week to pinpoint the location of a tree and is it is a typical thing of the times we live in it says get rid of birds bats and squirrels without harming them look at the end of our not harmful they just hate the odor and move on to your neighbor's yard trap star comfortable entering draft twelve million dollar shoe contract proceeds players first NBA basket on his name he's first last name chucky cheese these people be any chance here look at this chucky cheese free tokens lodge pizza $19 look what you get free air-conditioning shut up you know the newspapers just telling me more than I've eaten whole this manager genuine hero in the Gulf War says to see it says sweet taste of freedom comes to captured Harriet island fellow prisoners now look at the caption get on the caption look at the caption berry minute is widely who is expecting triplets three boys lay here this summer like her dad they'll be circumcised right so I need to know that really the man is a hero do I have to know that there you go this is the personal column of the paper active mail looking for females for companion in date two or three times a week before athletic-type beat and trim nonsmoker excellent paying benefits I believe that's called a hooker I like this one County Fair at rodeo draw large crowds look at the caption people come from all over the [Applause] here's how you can tell it's a slow news day you know Kevin go through these papers trying to find interesting stories look at this fascinating story soap and water still clean here's James W Mays orthodontist look at this none of this two pictures can read the caption says this is the same patient treated with functional jaw orthopedics and braces well Chaya apparently it took about 12 years for this fool quite a long involved process yeah this is from I guess Huntsville Alabama you know I'm gonna let you read the headline you're yourself how can you make this kind of mistake how could you not you're the editor of the paper here are people with nothing to do here's someone here's someone why you would come over the fact that you have time to dream up this idea turn your upright vacuum into a decorative why do I want to turn my vacuum into that stupid-looking animal how'd you wake up in the middle why you forget that's in the hole here's a place from I guess this is upstate New York this is the new China restaurant buffet and I like the Dhamma captures real Chinese from New York City that's how you can tell it's real Chinese if some of them oh here you go that's this one made me ma'am look at this why would you go here the Three Mile Island tanning salon I think you're about to sweetheart you might want to come out you know we get a lot of ones like this clerk shuns gunman and attempted robbery if you've seen that man apparently he's a suspect apparently he's a beekeeper with a baseball cap here you go it's closed let you talk [Applause] this is the single stupidest item so what you practice you're putting in the potty tasteful add someone sent me this this came from my guest toy this is Barbies country ride bike you can buy a bike for Barbie look down the bottom that says you says most dolls cannot pedal bike so that's really really stupid child here you go here's a but hey you got this guys be very careful when you go into this shop it's the PMS firearms company look at this extra-large Nursing uniform never been washed I love this edge his Chinese chicken salad made by Mexicans somebody sent me this they said I look like I was on a box of pancake mix I don't notice that looked like me here's a big ad for somebody's white elephant sale can you go that part that's underlined Ellen their jockey saw shorts stained only 96 cents Oh a couple of stains what are you his main street piece at Darby Pennsylvania open 7 days we deliver or pick up so if you want to cook the pizza you know if you rather make it yourself we'll have somebody come by and get it whatever you want we pick up - now the guy that took this for the Florida times-union news table obviously a professional photographer you would think the classroom crisis here apparently they have students with no heads we would get this one booze Mar West st. Paul's original discount liquor store look at booze Mart do it for the children His Royal Caribbean absolutely the best cruises it looks look with right below it on the same page the Titanic this may look like a good deal earn up to a thousand a month in just 22 hours a day get a couple of days for you offer yourself some there's just the kind of thing that drives people nuts you know Minneapolis firefighter Gerald Brown 55 who was fired in 1995 for abuse of sick leave but who won a grievance hearing before a state arbitrator was reinstated with 18 months back-pay scheduled to return to work on June 2nd he called in sick holy treat wedding start out with the sweet ones there's the young love wedding on let's move on to the which of course leads to the stout Belcher wedding let's go as the Miller beers wedding here's the touch and Martin wedding Oh to the bun Hatcher wedding over to the Skinner Wiener wedding you got some time is the people's bumpass wedding finally I have a nice reception at the Woolley but wedding is all about the grabber bird wedding you don't like that miscellaneous look at that American flag sixty stars that's a very rare one fifty fifty rare you know we lost those ten states I'm not old here you might want to stop by the lucky johnson wedding or maybe you want to go over to the steel peter wedding I love this kid medical clinic free and painless can you pull out that kid looks like some people holding them down I thought this I thought this is an interesting headline these are two headlines on the same page one right below the other on the same paper see the top one happy birthday mr. president and virgins flocked to right elect Kip Tyner city council district 5 he possesses qualities account caring compassion and he's condescending that's important that's important for a politician to be condescending you know this safe is the most frightening ad I've ever seen does this look like an accident waiting to happen Ford Bronco for sale I love this this is the hooting owl welcome guess with the who look what it says there look also scares away intruders sorry you folks you folks that live in a lot an area with a lot of gang activity you might want to put a couple leaves on the floor well here's kind of interesting one - adorable 8 week old puppies for adoption of a loving family mother German Shepherd father comes from a good neighborhood and finally oh this sounds painful doesn't it I'll let you read it yourself men permanent cosmetics now look at the advantages advantages to use permanent makeup never smudging doesn't sorry look at the last one loss of dexterity and vision it is duh God distracted by Baywatch failed to see prisoners make escape six prison escape dozen guards are watching scantily clad female lifeguards alright this is two ads it ran in the same paper now look at this one on the left there you see that was in the family paper football games and this was in the college paper go over one see these different look at this thing the chin chin only minutes a day I was like they're trying to get information out of her time actually no that's what happened to me I worked out with that thing for about four hours nope here's an interesting you had lying people whose parachutes don't open are at a greater risk of you know women you gotta be pretty dumb to answer this look at women any size free butt massage there you go no tilt Cup special design to cut out cup let you drink without you know you know maybe you're just drinking too much alright filed in I'd like to have more beer but I'm exhausted listen here's the crisp and tingle wedding there's something cat this guy lost a gay cat is what we all hate to go to the long wedding this is a guy that's doing it here is it will the whites teaching style very hands-on there he is oh oh we have wedding my favorite from wintertime it's the let it snow let it snow oh the weather outside there's the wilder and strange weather oh look it's the white folks wedding is the dull hug wedding this is good Ronnie horny dose we're getting a little more there's the miss dial one there's the yeah more with it yeah yeah more wedding there's there's the right whip maybe you care to attend the this is getting unbelievable remember kept we're talking Friday night about that I think in Chester Pennsylvania they're handing out condoms in these six bro that's right you know it's getting younger and younger look at this headline this is terrible help your first grader get the first base come on erotic there's the wand holder what is the oh look at that you know I love products like this it says make your driveway instantly a safer play area you know you know if your kid is so stupid he can't figure out how to get around that you shouldn't be outside in the first place is the small Hardman Hogman look electronic sinus relief there's something you want to put on when you have a headache you fill this with water soak the sponge and water put it on your face and then plug it in the water heats up is the Suzanne licked and James raved with it I guess they most certainly did more property look at this ideally located a mallard island with bay trunk views of big s a woman bay hey you know Joe I like it here from my window I can see big ass a woman cheb you might find this interesting his background on marijuana and hemp little story look at the last paragraph it produces a high but has some side effects like memory loss dizziness rapid heartbeat loss of coordination memory loss here's an interesting headline out of Charleston workers suffered leg pain after crane drops 800-pound ball on his head my head's fine it's my leg that's cold here's your government at work okay poison used to count dead fish in Lake now fish were dying so they killed all the fish to count the fish I liked it said dead fish which usually remains still or more easily counted is a house and Desert Hot Springs look at new 3-bedroom 2bath home in a nice neighborhood looks like a great day for them you know if you can get past the obscenities written all over and reported up windows beautiful neighborhood really I think the crack family lived here earlier that couldn't agree with this more cheerleaders must go to school without their skirts I think President Clinton had something to say about this we have that do we have that tape cheerleaders cheerleaders come on here's the kind of guarantee either you want to go on a diet always get a guarantee when you go on a diet lose six to 20 inches guaranteed will not come back unless you gain weight should you gain weight well it's nothing more I'm not sure something really strange AB all wrong oh I know what this is best abdominal exercise sorry now you see the people exercising look at the guys it's like some potatoes he's got a stomach it's not even a stomach here you go son could be to blame for global warming now when you get a couple of hydrogen bombs and just blow it out of there here you go some kids for the holo sure that kind of age we live in folks notice the person who remove the large pumpkin please return it it may be radioactive all plants around that are dead happy Halloween here's aha here's a lovely what better way to celebrate Christmas there's the fish angel tree topper truly the spirit of Christmas and across after three days angel one of the face you have to do with a tree why would you dress a fish an angel I can understand of the fish don't know what it says super Weiner special and finally I'm Israeli pukey da manha here's the strangest and I've ever seen person needed to help make cows into hamburger cow walks in whole goes out in pieces Oh lunch break here you go there's the weather forecast sunny but maybe not he has a book you can send away for if it gives you all these little helpful things I like the one that I've underlined there it says skin caught in zipper quick fix now you know any guy that's going to go out and wait six or eight weeks for delivery oh yeah by size to cut this one out especially for you there's 15 pot plants $100 don't miss a trick I guess I had trouble with people with prisoners escaping show happened you put your mind to a problem look at this state presents to replace easy to open lock yeah I got a theory warden if it's just a theory you know I'm sorry I think this dentist is perhaps patting Misha stop hiding your smile now look at the before teeth does anybody thank you I'm sorry no I think you have some bigger problem possibly probably there's a tourniquet around your neck if your teeth attorney very much this place is holding a Halloween masquerade ball October 29th look at that sorry no masks permitted well that'll just be a lot of fun wanted I don't know if this will even show up I thought this is the dumbest product here better without a hearing aid you know hearing aids are so annoying why wish my hearing aids when you can win her an attractive device like this like AI glasses for you if they are sound in answer people won't even know you're wearing it no stupid are people how big an idiot do you have to believe to believe this moronic ad as seen on TV wash away pounds and inches with the amazing seaweed weight-loss swing down look it says lather penetrates the skin to break up fat globules slimmed down look it's tested as tested on TVs hardcopy well what could be more food here and the owner can't understand why people aren't coming to his restaurant hey honey you want to go down to the pukey seafood [Applause] say the food s kids are average now and finally let's get this one last one here you can tell an Italian come up with this it's the Italian terracotta garlic roaster now what do you think that Italian guy was thinking about Oh thought this was interesting it says the bride is the daughter of David and Sharon acres of Grand Prairie the bridegroom is the son of David and Sharon information that I want to know tax on face whether al gore leads the discussion I like he lost a nationwide teen anti smiling campaign okay here you go here's you know here's a man with a tremendous amount of control and a woman with a very strong arm it's the Sydney dance company I would go to see that number this house here new edition offers homes with gates you know a gate is great unless you have a fence to go with hello why here here is a real political headline look at that Gord denies wrongdoing vows you'll never do it again well there's a creepiest add I have seen in a long time three bodies in one head laying along roadside please call the way down there's new science fiction series from gene Roddenberry and on the man who wrote the Star Trek look down to the caption Gene Roddenberry apparently wrote this series pilot before he died see they thought he had written it after he passed away but recent checks show it must have been written before he died [Music] I don't even think I have to say anything here one look at this I like their head lose all your weight only $49 I don't want to lose all my weight I mean pressure washing by George houses decks boats ask for Mike [Applause] Kevin might want to think about going to this huh the booty reunion hell they're doing together there's the wily Romeo wedding okay picking up speed slowly I love house ads I love that here's ER a they looked will show you homes while the owners are sleeping I think that's called burglary I like as the hefty breed way umbrage with this one this is made with a/c they said it's made with Italian leather and look seats the whole mob this is the wild feely wedding is the shower of support 12:32 will put up an indecent exposure to trailer-park caller stated woman was wearing a thong bikini and didn't have the body to go with it he is out there's the little and large wedding so their sake I hope it's the right way around it's looking the doctor told her to do take one or two tablets in East Nashville try school you don't know how bad that runny-nosed it oh you got some weddings there's the fine lovin wedding is their smoker hi woody is the burns Peters wedding and of course fine there's the sleigh bell winning the like this one is the freshwater hiney wedding got a freshwater honey finally the jab and pain wedding [Music]

Channel: Richie Majaw

Views: 408,874

Keywords: Jay Leno Top Headlines, Jay Leno Top 100 Headlines, Jay Leno Best Headlines, Jay Leno Funniest Headlines, jay leno headlines, jay leno

Id: L-xm_zjXFMw

Length: 30min 47sec (1847 seconds)

Published: Wed Apr 01 2020