Jay Leno Best of Headlines Part 18

[Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] here is the 2004 Newmar Northern Star look at that and look it's Amish owned and built just hook your mule right up to the front there to pull that baby right across Pennsylvania beautiful there's a sign of times what's better than this cop stop drunk on Sesame Street you know bird couldn't take that kind of pressure I never seen a choice like this his bar as Bologna look at the flavors regular or tasty Wow let me take the pasty let that okay here's the stupid one Cairo breakfast soon okay I'm for now wow I love this open the door open the door to a new you [Applause] [Music] don't open that door we gonna before and after why Susan you look so much better maybe you might want to get a better song we sing good look pretty good now I guess Australia is a lot like the United States fly to Australia and see the sight you know one thing about the newspaper boy they give you a lot of hints on household things how to take care of little problems what did it I have a cat cover-up cat smells with dirty diaper bins there's a good idea in the event of a house fire and the amount of a house fire you be left in the dark protect your home and your loved ones with a reflective green roadside locator you see that see if that lights up they say the fire truck is coming down the street they got a picture which houses on fire when 2606 if there are green reflector thing here we're looking for 606 do you think the flames will be a dead giveaway and here's the thought for today today [Applause] is one our photography and maybe the guy should take an hour in ten minutes okay Bob I think your rationals a bit with this one our thing [Applause] [Music] here is the pet of the week and who doesn't love petting children and dog boxer loves children what a friendly dog [Applause] [Laughter] [Applause] [Laughter] got the kid from the Bad Seeds maybe this would be a perfect dog trying non-glare sunglasses okay look your friends will turn one whole shade you know y'all really watch cops and you watch all these america's most one if she cops in the big cities in new york in LA you know they tracking down this crack dealers and terrorists but you know small town cops i got the work cut out for him too man drop the hoses blueberry pie she was leading a business my favorite seven take the pie up jumped in his vehicle and fled the scene the pilfered by word I like the guy picked up any fled the scene with the fire again I don't know this product there sure fridge sweet milk or but milk I've never had good doesn't sound particularly appetizing good but yeah oh sure it's good for you personal ads always have curious little items from MMJ a to hfh would you like to get back together see my funny Valentine then please lift the restraining order now there's nothing let me cross out the people's name here I don't want to okay mm-hmm I thought the guy's name but it just it's just a poorly written it's a horrible horrible crime it's just a poorly written sentence a man whose body was cut in half and tempted to different counties physically figure double life horrible thing okay that's the best way to put it I know you've seen basketball player do this thing right with the basketball right some guys you do too some three is the man here is the man [Music] a lot of times papers make mistakes they misquote somebody and up totally twist the meaning of what the person said they thought it meant one thing there's evidence something else I give the Chronicle credit last week's Chronicle arose reported that Eric Mitchell had shouted up yours to residents of the sweet hill neighborhood and housing subcommittee meetings last year in fact Mitchell level a screw you to the residents The Chronicle regrets the era we progressed the please it funny body was missing you know now here is something convene you see you come up with a new idea people beat a path to your door house clean housekeeping done at your home Martha how do you think rather than drag your items down there yeah I'll come your house you know to clean them off how insulting is this Steve Skinner of Macomb Township poses with a furry friend now I'm no expert on animals I just never heard of this breed of dogs there's a dorky puppy SiC consoles ok wedding invitations tuxedos invitations announcements lingerie rental I never I just want to rent the panties for the weekend look what's on can you get the bottom a TV Guide it's the wonderful world of dumb why don't know what that is sofa beds around and $50 for rest or foreplay [Applause] now this is an ad for men's underwear and as you know men always try to make themselves claps appear more well-endowed that they are but it's just the last guy okay there's the underwear ad look at last at both hands if you have a headline now look at this one here look at this ad it says register to win a trip to Chicago to see the world champion Chicago Bulls it says have your picture taken with Scottie Pippen look at the kid he's all excited but going close in the fine print look have your picture taken with a life-size cutout [Music] you know you always hear about stupid criminals he's a genius auto thief suspects arrives at court in a stolen vehicle I'm not familiar with this brand a eukaryote had sesame or poopy seed okay sound very tasty but really it's quite delicious you can see the feeling it's sometimes the product you bought was not made in America even though you think it is here's the multi chopper now read the directions close in order that the article has minced could be perfectly cut knocked vigorously on the bud superior hand open the most or less great number of knocks determines the fineness of the cup rotation of knives is made automatically for cleaning to pull the inferior Bell and release the recipients superior it's like in Klingon it's made in China that's just going through the yellow pages even it's an interesting one max custodial and escort service when they clean you up before you go out on the day now and if you're a big meat-eater hmm you ever had this camp ground beef some kind of wild thing we saw look you only get 73% of it oh boy here's one lonely guy folks if you do nothing else today help this man lost one inflatable doll answer to the name sugar look at this posture corrector put an end to slouching makes men look taller no strainer discomfort support your head and shoulders but I'm sorry I don't you forget a guy to wear this thing and walk around look at this yeah oh yeah and the nice thing is other guys won't tease you when you walk into this you know here's a sign of the times folks here you go here's a country hell of a handbasket the other mom you say we're going to hell in a handbasket here you go tattoo parlor owner wants noisy Church to move out of the building under this Boba's cycle Shack and the exposed temptations tattoo shop want the blessed victory church out of the building his service with a smile at Billy's and Billy just looks thrilled as you know they are cracking down on driving with the cars polluting whether you've been drinking lately this guy I think he's the first guy in the country be ticketed for this I'm strong faces charge of driving under the influence of bad literature here's another genius Mayor Ron Bushman said the blaze started 1:00 a.m. when one of the suspects apparently lit a cigarette lighter to see how much how full his gasoline cam was it's been buying a motorcycle no look at this idiot here's the 79 Kawasaki 650 now look at this one this this is a the naval Safety Center aviation magazine now this a Navy this is the cover of the aviation magazine now yeah is it my imagination or is the pilot mooning out the window we going close [Music] you know what this is the gorman rump pump [Music] have anything to do with this product here the LeBlanc automatic but puller and here's what happens when you put two ads too close to each other one on top of the other in the end look at this ad here this is what happens a neat Lego waffles look at the kid speaking of jobs front desk clerk and how speakers use this product is an armorer oh I don't remember that I guess it's protecting I guess they mean or maybe it's a religious thing these are armored all Protestant wipes if you're Catholic or Jewish a Buddhist you can't use he's a Protestant wipes only if you're Protestant sometimes you don't have that fresh feeling you use one of these the Salinas allergy clinic dr. Daniel are more board certified in allergy and immunology you know look at gee I don't know that's not the best I love this one this woman first look at the car see the car I'll bend to the car look at the headline a ridge woman lost control of her vehicle on the Skyway just before noon Monday when she utterly swerved to miss a bug headed for her windshield how do you even see a bug headed for your wind shot Gary Martin says his firm is trying to be more customer friendly okay really Gary you know you might might want to lose the machine gun there's a total liquidation sale I like the last line cash and credit cards only all sales Fanelli is a heck of a deal you know sports memorabilia is huge Kevin know you have a lot of sports look at this soccer ball signed by Arthur Pele the former Brazilian soccer player who's Riley renowned by most experts and fans to be the finest player that ever existed or bought got some guy named Peter I get the same price whether it's signed by pelé or Peter it's still $75 Chang toys champions school learn how to protect yourself from master Chang you know I get dragged to the mall most guys hate being dragged them all you go to these stores wicks and things and Bed Bath and Beyond and I never heard of this one land shade and knifings we got lampshades and nice lamb shades for Mom bowie-knife for quality certificate since 1951 look at that look at that weed quantity your kick action alright you know now I believe politician you know Tom DeLay is Tom DeLay and his wife Michelle they walk into the US Capitol building alright what's this picture is this photographer trying to get look at this guy [Applause] you wonder why Americans have so many accidents here's K Phillips works out with a six pound dumbbell and she drives to her job in Chapel Hill oh look look at the dashboard she's got a soda a cellphone and she's working out with weights at 65 miles an hour this is one of these question things what does the father's biggest responsibility that's the question at the top look at take care of his family also trying to guard when cheating look the men are going look at this care of you like Greek food all right look at this enjoy the testes of Greece [Applause] this is the Hotel Royal William in Quebec beautiful City Quebec most beautiful city of North America look at this for $237 a cruise on the Saint Lawrence River a city tour you got an American or healthy breakfast every morning this is Branson Missouri I know keV that your home away from home I know you're in Branson every other weekend celebrate America and this is could this be in worse taste there's a picture of Abraham Lincoln see the picture of Abraham Lincoln is this honestly it's the best show in town and I know theater how cruel is this in December of 2004 the Curtis Park Neighborhood Association in the city entered into one-year agreement that allowed st. Francis to start a pilot program to give the homeless a place to stay overnight and sleep as long as they were not lying down look at this special join Lauren for an evening of fitness spa treatment and candy looking for the best health club in town apparently these people went to the candy [Applause] here's an inch in question results of Friday's question of the day do you eat corn on the cob horizontally or vertically alright twelve point three percent said yes eighty eight finish service instead no I'm glad we cleared that up okay this is a living proof that patients truly benefit from state and they are dental technology this is amazing to me this Jeff car it's amazing look at Jeff before the dental surgery look at them after Bishop Worrell says goodbye that is the oddest picture I have ever seen currently he's the head of the church you know keV I'm not a good speller I admit to that little dyslexic but at least I would have somebody check it for me grand piano four foot by nine foot very good condition inlaid ivory type that Liberace play cab what I love stupid criminals oh yeah man with masks guy decided to rob the bank but didn't put his mask on look at him in the picture there just has a match just below his chin very smart okay I don't know who you're gonna how many years your kid gonna be in therapy you know Vermont Teddy Bear is a wonderful it was Teddy Bear thing they do wonderful jobs it's not Vermont Teddy Bear some other company why would you give your kid this the last word in bears like a dead bear in a coffin why would you give you reason this woman makes a beautiful handmade quilt see the beautiful handmade quilt to bed you put a Nazi swastika [Music] let me explain what's happening here these two men are giving this lovely woman a check unfortunately the check is white and the woman's sweater is right so it looks like they're giving her a twister [Applause] [Music] that's the best oyster twister trying to come over something polite it's Westar and let me tell you something okay I'm not you're not gonna let your kid pull the trigger on this squirt gun okay it's just a bad okay it's a Daytona Beach vacation four to seven days and two nights [Applause] [Music] it'll be drinking a lot of coffee on the beach on that one outlaw shrubbery questioned I don't even know what that means there's no idea what that means you can tighten with this one sex with weeds a danger for genetic engineering there's a joke about crabgrass in there but I'm not even gonna touch you have a standard on this show to maintain our units team seeks rabbit witnesses know it isn't a religious organization getting it right it says cross-country runners names misspelled there's an ad for oh here's a real-deal boy you want to run down to you is a to mantle propane Linton values 1799 now only 1797 I gotta cross out they left to left this woman's phone number in this this one here hang on look at this and I'm the nerve of these people those need jobs in this town see they said need babysitter at my home bring your own lunch bring your own dinner stay until I get home be there at 6:15 a.m. until whenever and no overtime pay I'll bet the kids are real well behaved for you know a gentleman I don't know how bad a day you ever had at work but it can't be any worse than this guy's boy you think you had a tough day workers ooh falls headfirst into pit of elephant manure there you go Jensen here 86 year old school guard post perfect record I guess that's the most recent picture we have of this woman here's one right out of the government files here sound of that building burns to ground following safety inspection all right you talk about a slow news day woman not injured by cookie look at this this was real stupid from the press Journal it's like Indian out something counting is anything to conquer say it's optimistic despite polls cuz if you can keep your head when all about you are losing and of course around Thanksgiving yours have these kind of retaliation things here Oh terrible turkey accused of torturing prisoners I know we have any senior citizens in our audience tonight you might want to take advantage of this this is from South and West Los Angeles Tony can you get out of this free for qualified senior citizens and press with low income spray neuter service you might want to get Grandma and Grandpa down there right away I don't understand this one I saw this one had those in the paper aching it's like a sex thing it says become orgasmic a sexual impersonal growth program for women there's a picture of Jimmy Carter there now oh yes yes this one from Tennessee of The Tennessean in Nashville now now I think you're more likely to see this one in Nashville then you probably wouldn't let's say Minneapolis there you go police seek man known as Bubba [Applause] here's one for the Durr file liquor sales dip blamed on less drinking all right now you know here's what's good I think when a criminal can step forward and admitted he may commit he makes a mistake this is from the Bridgeport post man admits killing violated probation okay okay you make a couple of mistakes get this one this is hito pika capital journal in Kansas they thought of it and said heading for the National can you see the headline get a close shot at Jefferson County for eight meet judging team there they are in the market ladies and gentlemen [Applause] there's another one where the where the caption where the story really doesn't fit the picture or maybe it does I kind of feel sorry for this woman here you shot of this RCMP looking for more big busts hey welcome to the club pal there's another one where the picture doesn't match the headline O'Connor's operation goes well [Applause] is one here's one this is just great for the holidays look what the Colonel's got for the kids it's a three pound bucket of bullets that's the thing for the holiday season huh is typical this is kind of a typical thing to read this is this is a small-town paper and get a shot of that perfect attendance several members of the Heartland Lions Club received awards for a hundred percent attendance absent from the photos are boy I was Nancy Reagan I'd be real mad at this one get a shot here in the San Antonio light which is offers sweeping 89 predictions oh boy oh boy I want to stand too close to Grandpa look at this one study predicts number of elderly to explode in 50 years [Music] you [Music]

Channel: Richie Majaw

Views: 57,540

Rating: 4.7382412 out of 5

Keywords:

Id: UPuls2dOZOM

Length: 30min 36sec (1836 seconds)

Published: Thu May 07 2020