Jay Leno Best of Headlines Part 9

as American school system Dumber students to be honored here's today's chicken of the week turkey potpie Kevin how frightening it was this I wouldn't give this to my child it's the 1099 the laughing baby boy doll horrible thing kiddo be in therapy but ten years ago how do you make this folks remember Christmas is Wednesday December 28th remember can tell this doctors the man can't you look at the headline doctors use groin to fix brain come on that's what men think with anyway you might as well Ankeny police report stuff happened on July 4th police were baffled as to why July 4th loud fireworks reporting the area of 1300 block July 4th loud fireworks in the thousand block July 4th loud fireworks honeybraun July 4th loud fireworks to 500 bucks I wonder what was going on in July what a coincidence that all those days a lot of new cars coming out I don't know this model is a 99 Chevy Tahoe [Applause] twenty-five dollars to go home Welsh Manx cat genuinely gay but fixed how many times you bought a cat thinking it was gay and then you find out if you genuinely need a cat well this cat is genuinely gay but fixed minutes to perfection how to make homemade German potato salad ingredients start with one can of reads German potato sack pretty much skip the other step and the thought they'd be very clever this is the Morison and forest their lawyers for the global economy I'm sure they're fine lawyers Morrison and Forester but that's too long an e so you have a legal problem you just call Oh [Applause] yeah you tell my folks old lawyer to get his ass down here is a free headsets catalog for all women pirates calves I see why you are why you're a vegetarian you call them chicken tenders we call them chicken breasts frittered strips and don't they look delicious don't want to sink their teeth into those and how much trouble is this guy in construction equipment explodes as crews battle south east aurora blaze look anything but a mile away Lawson Kendall was playing with his daughter in his home when he heard something that shook the whole house I thought my wife and fell out of bed it's gotta be a pretty big down you got yeah you got to be still worried about sleeping the dead anymore after tonight pretty much catering for any occasion catering for any occasion divorce bankruptcy lost job or just for fun eat too much we know how to take it off affordable healthy weight loss stop pooping button there's chlamydia and gonorrhoea urine testing available on a drip in basis colon cancer you can prevent it free ice scraper whatever [Applause] [Music] [Applause] this is say it with a smile this is a dentist advertising his way or is not just like look the dentist has included his favorite recipe for Carmel corn okay just sugar brother drum up a little business for a shop possibly can this one concerns you this is a it's almost as if they know this is a drastic Kevin Kevin bond banks it actually got to you that's the best part it did we didn't have to do that when Colin Powell's on nobody I like this one this one was addressed to I need a bath you want to know what's wrong with government here you go County to pay two hundred fifty thousand dollars to advertise their lack of funds look do you want people to know we don't have any money giving anonymously is gaining I think that's true daddy I know your dad's a deacon the church we're giving without just giving anonymously without getting credit that's probably the greatest thing I like this giving and honestly is gaining ground chevy dealership owner Andy bud anonymously donated a truck now no one knows that Andy bud gave that truck I think it's good luck with this volunteers search for all civil war planes let me know how that works out okay the front row is stunned there are no planes in the civil [Applause] this is a clear plant panel umbrella salmon's are all black umbrella but feature the large clear plastic panel in the front allow you to see clearly or walking or driving she what are the odds of this happening huh police officer witnesses doughnut shop robbery - what are they would be the donut shop explain this to me dialing 9-1-1 to get easier how much easier can again we're just telling 9 why this is a bad ad the results are in Harris Teeter sour cream was preferred five out of ten times the brakes man so half the people that'll like it Greenland meteorite maybe from space this sounds painful gentle eye remover [Music] you know I don't know it's more amazing this is Midas the dog it's you they won't even want to dump - that I know it's more amazing than the dog has an arm of he's wearing a wristwatch hey is this a brochure for the Rocky Mountain Wildlife Park is that the most flattering angle we could get of the will come to your park to stop this isn't much better home and garden show continues today couldn't they have waited until they were finished planting this one attention people with Medicare now you don't have to strangle your wife let me tell you something strip club owners are among the most innovative people okay because they want you to know what's happening but in the family newspaper you can't say strippers or you can't say nudity I love this sugar show bar home of the fabric free entertainment [Applause] here's how you know a product is made in China this is sensitive talking dog so smart he's a motion detector anything crosses his path and he responds with Wang Wang Wang Wang Wang Wang Wang Wang [Applause] this isn't exactly dumb criminals this is police blotter you know the police have a very hard job look at this January 2nd Phillips man called requested to speak with an officer the caller believes several people are watching him from outside of his house the deputy went over there determined the caller saw his reflection in the window somebody watching me on the phone oh this sounds like fun the hoxsey medical clinic holds a weight loss seminar with dr. Pig as the guest speaker now this an ad for silly motor tune ups it's just I guess this guy does RV repair just the bad sentence is why you went to a professional good tester I have been servicing motorhomes since 1968 and Kenneth since how bad is this Atlantic City weekend weekly look tourism that blows what kind of question is that here's another photographer in a hurry again just wait two minutes wait two minutes to take your picture this is the glamour of the federal election campaign could you wait till the man stops urinating in the picture [Music] [Applause] well gara restaurant I never heard of this particular item it sounds delicious it's the beef song I love this headline ex-minister break silence says nothing all right here you go look at that special 93 percent ground deep governor's push project to improve power grid that's the first governor of frozen fall there's wind there's Huntsman and gloves there's our Governor Schwarzenegger this sounds like a horrible job experience nanny to care for three young kids an outhouse for 30 hours a week yeah I don't know sitting with three kids in an outhouse 30 hours a week it sounds like where I bought my car look at this place it's Ben Dover Auto Sales apparently here's what happens when you put two ads too close to each other here's an ad for stocks next to an ad for a skirt and you get a girl with short legs and really big feet okay there's a lunch specials Wednesday ham and beans and cornbread not bad Thursday lasagna that's pretty good Friday bread and water I don't know how many time you see this in America free exercise bike motorized I love this kid is the question they asked people how has the high price of gasoline affected you his bread read says I siphon the gas out of my mom caddy - sorry be benefited from steams lessons in generosity what's he doing and some people capitalizing on the headlines this week is Clorox liquid plumr look it's safe on Pope's found young black and white male short-haired cat not neutered wearing a tuxedo I love this guy why is Martha Stewart so popular they asked Robert white he said who the hell is Martha Stewart [Applause] [Music] this guy man drove his car into wall at the Department of Motor Vehicles building police think the man was driving while impaired on medication and charged him with driving under the influence by the time police had arrived the man had renewed his driver's life you crash and you crash drunk at the bar before vehicle here you go [Applause] the wedding of Charles and Camilla the same might be said Camilla Park to the Camilla Party mass big mane of gray hair long jaw it looks like Jay Leno in drag [Applause] [Music] [Applause] paper sold in another country I'm not sure what country it is but the name of toilet painter is sit and smile athletic events at Lakeside golf cart rules look at that last line violators will be prostituted okay if you want to go out want to go to Brandon steer with me yeah look at what they have that solid homemade bread and look mother watering desserts come by y'all know the play the Vagina Monologues all right it's gotta be a better way to say you could say I enjoyed it it was an interesting night at the theater crowd wowed by touching vagina [Applause] a lawyer accused of forging his lawyer talk an attorney for bender said his client did not embezzle any money and it is proved they took any money he'll pay it back pretty good deal here found white agora Persian cat white one eye surgically move does talk right up at the top here you go shooting for good health immunizations help to make childhood a thing of the past pretty much forget your childhood you get my holistic crime report Newark Police Department there's a Newark Police Department crime log kit okay someone exposed himself or herself at the corner of 6:00 and Locust Street you know if you expose yourself and people can't tell if you're a man or a woman that is not a good sign there's an eight foot by two foot round poly tank and look it's ideal for livestock France to send 2,000 troops into the Lebanon and what a fierce fighting force ever selling there's a pet door for sale eight feet tall never use you know pretty good King Kong the dogs home it's another police beat Quebec you after giving himself an enema a false turn man reportedly can came extremely confused and argumentative what was the argumentative I like this with look its teeth in about an hour yeah teeth in an hour did they really give them teeth and they just trim his moustache what happened keV I see why are vegetarian oh look at this only a dollar 79 a pound worn-out meat as in the lost-and-found section lost camera with personal pictures taken from the ladies restroom at Lorain County no questions oh yes there are box of 27 all new never used Harlem romance books is somebody spells worse than I do all crystal chandelier you think Albertsons market would know how to spell look fresh neck just blow that fresh as a 1950 era singer sexing machine yes I'm sure this man's name is Angus I'm sure his name is Angus he's world-famous chef how embarrassing world-famous flaming anus will be [Applause] and stay away from the chili I tired as its flaming anus the famous ship [Applause] I'm sure they meant to say immaculate here's a Winnebago chieftain motorhome generated new tires no smokers no put look it's ejaculate inside [Applause] keval get some peaches and with the chandelier this is on a bag little brand corn-on-the-cob best news before that date oh this is the Westside rowing club senior bill lightweight eight that's the name of the rowing Cup you know and they didn't you know I love they didn't want to say they came in last okay the Westside rowing club seemed to be lightweight a place second out of two at the question of the day this is the question of the day of all the questions that go on on a daily basis question of the day what constitutes a millionaire well according to Jerry beto branch manager and senior vice president of investments at AG Edwards & Son a millionaire was someone who has 1 million dollar cost the next question what's a billionaire can't see why you're a vegetarian look 99 cents a pound Boston butt hole by the pound huh his rice Lake's police log this is the police log 12:22 a.m. call his wife Kim and his work stole his wallet and keys from his car left a note that she was leaving him call it just wants his wallet and chief 12:43 officer ports the above property has been returned 119 wife from 12:22 a.m. is afraid her husband is gonna kill himself because she left him off to talk with the husband he's fine International farmers market this is why you want to buy the brand name product spend over $30 get two free 12 packs of Kaka Cola it says celebrate Mother's Day put mom on cloud nine with these fabulous shoes your mom is not gonna wear these okay look there's sandals that have a bottle opener in the bottom of them okay what mom doesn't like to kick up her heels and open a brewski keV is something you might like for the house a white trash compactor [Applause] well you know this one really made me laugh this selling draperies and curtains all right there's curtains no one seemed concerned that there's a giant bear outside [Applause] you know keV I thought I knew all the cars right I don't know this one there's a 95 mercury mistake [Applause] his Ball State University look they're looking for a LaBrie office assistant to work in the university libraries our smallest hearing aid is virtually invisible now you see it now you really see it throw your next printing order why not go out of town well how stupid is this look at this hurricane shelter kit a sensible alternative oh yeah yeah I'm just getting the barbecue okay it's the same thing Kevin have any GM Monogram appliances not line appliances I don't know about this one GE mammogram dishwasher crying while you're washing dishes you just look easy [Applause] you always want to buy the name product not the one that sounds like the name product Duncan Hines fine fine name and cake mixes would you agree oh well here's don't go with this Duncan Heinie's moist the look would like a Duncan high knee actually okay fall home builders guides Napoli Brookside only five homes remain available look at lessons come visit our neighborhood you will want to stay away [Applause] I see why you're vegetarian give to local man and one great idea equals success the meat house the men sell poultry lamb veal and erotic meats [Applause] I'm gonna pass on the erotic meat all right this is six couples a livestock trailer used to transport the six couples to the Ellen Wood high school prom really and what girl doesn't want to be taken to prom and a horse [Applause] here's black suede richly distinctive distinctly masculine comes in three masculine scents fresh aromatic oriental amber and sensual woody what is that [Applause] like this is the night exchange it's one of these stupid sex things it says look your privacy is guaranteed your privacy is guaranteed it's guaranteed your privacy going over each drop on others hey I thought my [Applause] here's Crescent Center drugs if your doctor writes you a prescription for specially prepared suppository we can and will fit it okay yeah I'm gonna pass [Music] [Applause] hey this appears have been made and oh no made in China that's why sometimes it's a fine product they just get some of the words wrong this is a master lock you know master lock look cable combo with paddle I'm gonna pass on the paddle just give me the lock my wife trust me restaurant our reputation is built on our food then it says traditional Chinese food expertly repair let's see you got a broken one time where do you take it you bring it in here take a look brand new other place you just give you another one this one will fix the one sorry Chihuahua pack attacks police officer let's say it's the end of the day you're back at the station now it's you with you with your cops you with your homies okay what'd you do baba some gang members had it pinned down got caught in a crossfire what happened you Larry I want you to they just don't even tell tea [Applause] [Music] this is state smoking ban takes effect I think they're taking away people's rights as Harry's summoner lighting up pretty soon you won't even be able to be naked in your own backyard Wow this says jury finds Speights guilty of murder he didn't help himself look at this plead defendant makes plea in closing argument please find me not guilty of the crimes I have committed Lacy's honest give me a break say that name Kent hello Aldo uh Alito Alito fitness center look at where it's located right behind Alito donut shop does that get you coming and going facing here's the best little gym in town Nautilus poolside fitness center and look that's actual some sort of finger pull apparently I want you look at this couple look at the man and woman ready for relief from arthritis like the man had arthritis and aha okay now isn't this the same guy does size matter penal enhancement and you don't want to know how he's holding her up there apparently only those v Jones are paying off okay what does this mean lost donkey wearing pink halter well this is the sweet temptation I don't know what this is supposed to be sweet temptations restaurant assorted platter petite samples of house favorites and a side of boner what is that [Applause] [Music]

Channel: Richie Majaw

Views: 253,111

Rating: 4.7746201 out of 5

Keywords:

Id: hcohbegz2-0

Length: 31min 24sec (1884 seconds)

Published: Fri Apr 17 2020