"It''s easier to be a guy..." - Jim Gaffigan Standup (Cinco)

but it's not that bad it's easier to be a guy anyway I mean there's sexism but just the day-to-day life of being a woman honestly it looks too hard just hear what some women have to deal with cutting color and goes and potions what do most guys have to deal with with their hair not having a mullet that's all I guy has to do is not have a mullet a plus and there's still some guys that can't pull that off we're not talking about mama darling no you've got a good mullet it's easier to be a guy makeup some women wear makeup most guys don't change their pants because their belts in there are these jeans dirty is there a belt in there ask me in 2019 and I'm not saying women are doing any of these things to please or impress a man but some of its self-inflicted like the eyebrow thing I mean that's on you ladies there's not a person on this planet that's sitting there going I'm looking for someone who's removed 90% of their eyebrow hair I don't even know what some of these ladies are going for it so I want to look constantly surprised like I'm about to eat a baby but it's a man's world I don't have a joke that I just want to remind the ladies I'm kidding the weird thing is if you have little kids if you have little boys and little girls you would never think it would ever be a man's world cuz we put a three-year-old boy next to a three year old girl and you had to pick who is gonna be in charge in the future you wouldn't be like the boy the one chewing on the table because little boys are savages I have three little boys each of them has head-butted me for no reason at all oh well we are in church okay it's different when you have a daughter yes that's like maybe I should say for med school when you have a son you're like there's gonna be a couple rounds of rehab that's okay I have three boys two girls I have enough kids we're even Mormon too like you should settle down I travel with my kids my two youngest are three and five year old boys and traveling with boys that age is like transferring serial killers between prisons we've seen the movie you know it doesn't work out my three year old I love him but he's eternally in a bad mood he always has a look on his face like he's gonna ship you with a cran or he's pooping and sometimes it's both and her five-year-old he's an escape artist he's the old Chapo of children you just put him down and he runs and then I have to pay my twelve-year-old to go get him sometimes she can't find him and I'm forced to stand up and look for my own child sometimes I can't find him I mean you always find the kid that joke doesn't end with now I got four kids you know you find the kid there with this security guy they're always with a security guard that's that's an awkward approach because I'm with my four other kids I look like a moving diorama for birth control doesn't help that I'm usually eating something it's hard to seem concerned about your child's whereabouts holding a corndog oh there he is now where's mustard but that's parenting it's stressful parenting is a sacrifice it's exhausting it's expensive at times it feels thankless but eventually you die my wife hates a joke my wife hates that joke and it fold this closer she does 90% of the work and the 10% I do feels like too much I'm getting ripped off 10% of five kids then meets I'm in charge of one kid for like half a day I'm like a single mom that's a joke where the audience thinks maybe Jim is a dick my wife is amazing even in the most stressful moments I will catch her looking at me with an expression that could only be described as regret but she's Catholic so there's no quitting the team thank you Jesus I'm gonna wear my wife is out of my league she's very thin and attractive I look like I had two wives and I ate one of them she's amazing she's my writing partner we do everything together she's brilliant she's creative how I can't read her handwriting no we're totally close I mean why don't we rent a car I won't let her drive and that's not sexism I just don't want to die she can drive my kids around I don't care about that but if I'm in the car uh-huh she's amazing probably the most impressive thing my wife can do is her ability to remember absolutely every horrible thing I've ever done I'm sure this bring it up we'll be watching television she'd be like remember that time he humiliated me when I went out to dinner now I do must have blocked it out searching for self-esteem I don't want to misrepresent her she's very forgiving it's just the forgetting part but we all aspire to be forgiving Pope John Paul the second forgave the guy who tried to assassinate him I mean granted he was the Pope he couldn't be like let's torture this baby he kind of had to forgive him but pope john paul ii went to other guys jail cell and forgave him but then he laughed it's not like then he lived with the guy like if the pope live with the guy who would have seen how long that forgiveness woulda lasted Pope your turn to do the dishes didn't you shoot me I think it's always your turn to do the dishes bless you my son Pope that's a tough job anyone Pope here Pope's a tough job you know it's tough because the last one quit I'm out of here remember in the Vatican was like you're supposed to speak for God and until you die and the Pope was I God told me to quit and eat more cheese our new pope Pope Francis calls people on the phone I don't know why you'd ever believe it's the Pope hello it's the Pope Oh can you hold on I have spider-man on the other line my wife loves talking on the phone and I would rather be hit by a car I'm not saying a big car but a Mini Cooper I'd take that over a 20-minute conversation she's always like it seems like you're trying to get off the phone I am I love you I just can't hold my arm up for this long I can't believe any of us talk on the phone there's email and text sometimes my phone rings and I look at it and I think this person better be calling to tell me their hands are chopped off I just want to hear your voice daddy buy my album that is all for me thank you so much hi thanks for watching hit subscribe if you want if you want to see more stand up I have more stand up or if you want to see an original show like let's get cooking or the Mike and Pat show that's available on my channel but also just know that I'll be posting a new video every day during this pandemic or until the world ends please hit subscribe and turn on your alert or a notification button

Channel: jimgaffigan

Views: 980,203

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Id: AnNjgwYzfzQ

Length: 8min 47sec (527 seconds)

Published: Sat Jul 11 2020