Bob Newhart’s German Impression Is Incredible | Carson Tonight Show

my first guest is a good friend I still think he was rooting for me on the monologue he says I'm really rooting to see how they're going to be he's got one of the better shows on television this year as his first show was some years ago the series is called New Heart clever title dreamed up by the people it's on Monday nights at 9 30. I wish was I was wish was on I wish it was on here this network but it's not but he is now would you welcome and make him feel welcome let's meet and greet Bob Newhart [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Applause] you see I don't lie out there during the month no I just happen to mention the last thing I said is I hit it through the curtains right well I have seen shows where the monologue didn't go all that well and I felt a certain testing that's crept into your right your attitude toward the rest of the evening for the monologue so if the monologue sets in you know that everything is going to work okay for me yeah see I figured I had figured that uh with Tony Quinn on the show I figured Tony would come out first because he's the bigger star and uh so well thank you right on cue a little plant never ever thank you Mom that's the old picture but then I that would be like a buffer between the monologue and myself but then I found out just before you were coming out that I was coming out immediately following the model the monologue and well actually it worked very nicely tonight well you have a lovely audience yes you're playing that old cheap trick now you really get going here no you can tell uh I as you know I've guessed I assume you know I guess hosted the show of course I know what do you mean I don't know I don't know when you're off if you check with people who's on or anything I watch when you've guest hosted and I've seen you come out sometimes that's right and eyes material well I've come out and uh not the hottest audience in the world where uh the Applause die out before you reach the star spawner yeah but this is a hot audience oh they're hot tonight I'm not carrying favor no I understand that I'm also not here to plug anything I mean it's not crass commercialism that brings me here I just I enjoy talking to you and I know you do I'd rather talk at home but this is a the only place anyone can talk to you so I have nothing to plug I have absolutely nothing to plug I don't have well there's no pictures nothing coming up no Hotel dates no no we don't do much of that anymore because the show takes all your time right well it takes a lot of the time yeah I still I travel on the road I mean I still do one-nighters you know right that kind of thing but nothing to plug not really no chance because Johnny Quinn ready Tony's got a lot of I always assumed you were Irish People magazine had an article recently said you were one quarter German well I'm yeah I'm three quarters Irish one quarter German I didn't know that which makes me I have the German name during the war we we called ourselves alsatians alsatians The Alsatian family yeah but of course I never thought of that and uh but I'm actually three-quarters Irish which makes me a very meticulous drunk see German I don't know of any German comedians because German people most a lot of German people do not have a sense of humor you know they're not known for us probably basically true yeah they're very literal people right they're um someone once said that more funny things are said at a cocktail party in Paris than in the entire year in Germany but they're very literal you know and they don't uh they don't understand Americans because we're non-literal we're like a German would say why why would you call this man curly he has no hair at all someone curly who has no hair that's not funny and Tiny is at least 355. yeah Dick Cavett was telling me he appeared on a German television show once and it was horrendous because he would try to say something amusing and then the guy in Germany would say and so forth and that people just sat there and because it was probably some play on words or something it meant absolutely nothing but even when like the Volkswagen you I got the feeling when they made it you know they say this is one of the finest cars it's a very economical car and you say well what are the little holes in the in the Sci-Fi that's that's ventilation that's for ventilation you might put a machine gun in there [Laughter] serves two purposes in case things just in case did you ever play in front of a you've never played in German yet no I would have no reason to I mean you see no that's true but singers you see can go and sing all over the world even if they don't understand it and enjoy the music but I would think trying to entertain in another country where they didn't really know it would be very difficult yeah I I uh but England you work England haven't you yeah but they speak English well I'm aware of that but I mean the point you were trying to make was going to a foreign country uh where they would speak I think I think the point we're trying no no no oh I'm sorry England is still a foreign country yes although they do speak English that's right of course why now the point is the cultural things in English oh oh I certain the speech patterns rhythms and so forth um are different there true even though it is a foreign country are you good before I refer to I guess somebody from as a foreigner sure sure have you ever have you ever worked in England no yes yes I have okay now my next question is because if they didn't give me this job because I don't know how to ask questions you see why so many guys have dropped along the way exactly don't don't watch them in any kind of sequence uh incisely deep penetrating and that's an audition that you have for this so my next logical question would be how did you do there uh very well but I mean even if I didn't do very well I'm not going to say I didn't do that why would you want to blab that around that's right I'll tell you where I didn't do well where's that in Australia I did very poorly now they speak English they're also yes they do that's another of what we call the English-speaking country it's a big island Britain is a big island too you know so I I don't think Ireland had anything to do with it I just I we picked the wrong time as they roll something across the ceiling just now yes upstairs okay I just heard some rumbling because I remember years ago when you were here we had that earthquake and your building started to rumble and anyway you played Australia played Australia didn't really do all that well it um showed up first of all it's a 22 hour flight right which I'm not all that crazy about and uh we arrived and um I was going down to rehearse and I as as my custom I went to the maitre d and I said uh how many people do we have tonight and he said we have um 14. 14 just 14 people and so I figure well maybe Monday is a bad night in Australia and so I said how many do we have tomorrow and he said we have tomorrow let me see we have nine and I said well how many for Wednesday and he said we we don't have any foreign and it was awful and Jenny when you still went out and I am I had to I mean I Jenny was sore from the flight so she went it happened to be the hotel happened to be in the r r District of Sydney right where the during the Vietnamese War the soldiers would come to this area and again they didn't know when they went back whether they would you know ever be around again so they they tended to be Rowdy I think and a lot of nude places and things like that live nude on stage kind of so Jenny looked up in the phone book and went to a massage product and uh she went in and the girl was giving her massage and and the girl said am I being too rough and Jenny said no that's fine she said well you know you're the first woman I've ever done so she had wandered into one of those massage parlors at her men laughing on either side of her only Jimmy she's probably taking a nap your wife seems to be prone to take naps remember I joked about that that's right you did yeah she probably thought it was just a rest stop or something yeah just did this was going so it occurred to me that somewhere I think we lost them in England yeah that seemed and you brought up Australia that's right that's right I was trying to save you yeah that's true that's what we're here for uh we're gonna take a break here and we're gonna come back and I would have put Tony King also in that same article People magazine it said that you remembered almost word for word the worst routine worst routine you ever did which is unusual because people say we usually remember the the better things and tend to forget yeah for some reason you remember uh something that just didn't work at all oh boy I it works out pretty much I would say five to one I mean for everyone that works the there are five but four that don't right now I did a routine on a guy who went to uh and it may work now because of Star Wars and all that yeah was this early in your career no it was um yeah it was early but I mean really I don't mean just when you were starting but within say the first 10 years yeah I would say so okay what was the I didn't know this was a quiz I thought well no no the talk show okay okay it really doesn't matter how early or how late in my career this happened it died it just it died I shouldn't have interrupted you I don't know why I do that but it was a thing on a guy going to uh like Venus or Mars you know the first civilian and he then comes back and he's being interviewed on uh on his impressions of Venus or Mars and he goes to Mars and they asked him are they more advanced than we are and he said yes I would have to say they're they're more advanced and the interviewer says how God bless you uh the interviewer the interviewer says how far Advanced are they and he says I would say six weeks when I was when I was up there they had the they had the double-edged blades and uh then when I returned it was like six seven weeks before we had the double-edged blades and uh that was one that died but the premise is wonderful I think so too you know um but when you said six or seven weeks the audience just sat there waiting just stared it also went on from there it got worse he said well how would you describe the um the Martian people he said well I Martian they're very small people by the way so they're very small and and they only have one ear and uh and the guy came up to me with a cocktail party and uh uh he asked me could I loan him five dollars like so I'd loaned him five dollars and uh I ran into them two weeks later at the same cocktail party he like avoided me you know and uh I went in to put my coat down on the bed you know when he was there and he like avoided me so I would say martians are cheap you know right now it's happening all over again how long did you pursue that did you keep that about as long as I've done this what is the old story about the photo who goes to Mars and who says the women were different physically remember that joke no it's not really different he says they look pretty much like women on earth except the bust the breasts are on on the back and the fellow says that's that's real that's really terrible well it's great for dancing that's the kind of stuff if I had known that joke I would have put it in here six weeks a month on the cheap stuff what commercial time sir right okay it's commercial time is it yes [Applause]

Channel: Johnny Carson

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Id: AhPnpcbDcaM

Length: 14min 25sec (865 seconds)

Published: Thu Jun 01 2023