If The Meat Industry Was Honest - Honest Ads

ah meet the most dopamine releasing way to get protein into the human body flesh hi have you ever taken a big bite of heated flesh only to find a blob of skin shards of bone or rubbery chunk of cartilage this minor inconvenience and may have been acceptable to primitive man but not to the modern flesh and gesture so we at Horton farms found a solution our skilled technician simply grind up all that business until you can't tell it's not meat and call that meat we can then form it into discs loaves balls or square patties whatever shape you want really but discs are winning so let's run with that tubes are also popular as has been observed most folks don't really want to know how the tubes get made at Horton farms our flesh tube making process begins and ends with a high-quality intestinal lining I should note there's no oversight as to what constitutes high-quality I'm just allowed to call things that this human actor represents a human Horton farms butcher which in turn represents a machine I own my machine stuffs any combination of mangled flesh fat and spices into a casing that's been colored to appeal to your lizard brain if you think about it it's like a sick joke wrapping an animal inside other parts of itself but you probably won't think about it in 1959 we identified an enzyme called transglutaminase better known as meat glue it's great at bonding protein and protein byproducts together we use it to make your steak or chicken breast look like you want it to it doesn't actually look like that but in the end it's all poop anyway so who cares transglutaminase is made from guinea pig liver look hotdogs in front of an American flag we've also found ways to breed animals to grow larger less healthy and therefore tastier for example most factory farm turkeys are so bulky that they can't procreate themselves yes someone had to annually facilitate turkey sex for me to be able to eat this but look at this thing it's huge I love this thing I feel like a Viking right now the way we see it if chickens or cows were advanced enough to find a way to grind us into edible tubes they'd probably do it we did that's what makes us great we did it first and probably last suck at all the other animals some of you watching this are vegetarians and that's terrible oh sure is a lifestyle it uses less water and is healthier but it doesn't taste as good it's not as patriotic see in America eating meat is part of our national character it's what farmers dads and astronauts eat we even have a USDA choice grade sticker that looks like an America badge so by Horton Farms brand animal carcass we kill the animal for you reconstitute its flesh and present it in a way that allows you to forget it once had parents what more do you want thank you oh I'm Roger buy away hey thanks so much for watching hope you enjoyed it if you did leave us some comments join up you know and share and yeah maybe we'll look at some more meat huh but let's looking at some meat for all you vegans

Channel: Cracked

Views: 2,059,471

Rating: 4.8379788 out of 5

Keywords: Meat, chicken, butchers, cow, vegatarians, meat industry, cracked, cracked.com, honest, honest ads, honest commercials, hot dogs, sausage, honest trailers, funny, spoof, humor, satire, prody, sketch

Id: FvjhdaWZ3hA

Length: 3min 56sec (236 seconds)

Published: Mon Oct 24 2016

Reddit Comments

[u/Legendofkevin]

I was so on board until he bit into the leg at the end.