- Hi, I'm Roger. Do you have a brain? If so, my company, Horton Mobile Gaming would like to offer you a mobile game. Some call it a casual
game, or most accurately, Horton Mobile Gaming
would like to offer you a feedback loop of colors
and shapes and sounds, that'll get your brain
high on arbitrary rewards. You see, without stimulation, the brain tends to be sad and scared, and bored, just because. That's one reason, you already
own these electric toys, but why not use these toys
to take my electric drug. The Horton Brand Psychologically Optimal Colorful Shape Tapper. It's the kind of game that babies play, but you seem to like it to, so here, just download this digital heroin onto your chosen magical
screen and play with it, a lot, whenever and where ever. When you do, your brain will get high. - Thank you. - (laughing) Oh please, we
give away our feedback loops for free, so you'll get addicted to them. All we ask is that you
give us a good rating, and we ask it ever hour
until you give us any rating, and you should probably
buy the ad-free version if you want to see a reasonable
amount of your screen. Horton Psychologically
Optimal Color Shape Tapper was built so you'll make
more progress in it, if you buy imaginary items,
or power-ups, or whatevers. Eventually, it's not winnable,
unless you buy whatevers, but, good luck. To keep it interesting,
I'll introduce a new color or shape of whatever,
every once in a while. It'll get your brain slightly
more high than normal, once. If you get tired of Horton's Psychologically
Optimal Color Shape Tapper, I've also made Horton's Psychologically Optimal Tapping of Colorful Shapes. You're hard wired to want to win, no matter how abstract
or childish the goal is, and to be chemically rewarded, no matter how trivial the winning is, so the details of my
game don't really matter. Sure, I could make the colorful shapes resemble people or creatures, or add some sentences about the storied struggle
between certain colorful shapes and other colorful shapes. I could hire a famous celebrity, who's willing to act like bopping cartoons on the top of the head, as an epic quest. - Rally your bravest thumbs. - *Beep* that *beep*. (laughing) This *beep* gets ya high, so it's just colors and shapes. We don't even have to advertise. Our target market is anyone
who's ever had spare time or pooped within the last eight years. - You got anymore of those whatevers? - Oh, as many as you can buy,
they basically don't exist. - Perfect. - Perfect. - Hey, you like standup. Come see the Cracked Standup Show. It's happening June 22nd at
Meltdown Comic in Los Angeles. If you want to see amazing comics, including our own Josh Sargent, go to nerdmeltla.com/tickets. And if you want to see
me do a funny dance, sorry not today.
I suddenly don't want to play dokkan anymore :(
I play Dokkan because I've pooped in the last eight years.
"digital heroin" accurate af
In that case Gogeta got everyone here pretty high
I feel like this is the phone game equivalent of showing how sausages are made!
And this is when I became ftp forever
Damn,I feel bad now. But this is 100% acurate
I was legitimately thinking about putting this video here after watching it today xD
He's right XD. I got a Goku with dupe and that (optimal as fuck) team can wreck every event... and now bored and waiting for the next whatever (Cooler).