Gwyneth Paltrow's: The Goop Lab - JonTron

hey guys didn't expect to be seeing you here so I bet you're wondering now you're really not wondering are you why I'm in a bunker literally my basement in my house one minute you're there you're making all these epic plans to entertain the world the next minute you're in your basement so until further notice my show is just gonna be taking place right here in my war bunker okay I got vinyls be needing those when it's all over I'm trapped I'm really trapped guys look there look at that I put Google I put googly eyes on Bush's baked beans listen bean even a great part of the show your unforgettable but I'm gonna need you for sustenance during these these harsh times so I'm gonna have to open your skull and drink your your juices mmm slimy yet satisfying well we may be here until further notice but as they say the show must go on okay so today I'm gonna attempt to lighten the mood and talk about the second most prevalent germ out there actually and she goes by the name of Gwyneth that's what she's prac this lady okay this Lee she's back you know her you know who she is you know what she's done it's with heavy heart and out-of-sync chakra I must inform you that goop has somehow gotten its own Netflix series and almost you probably know this by now it's old news but everyone's been non-stop requesting I take a look at it so as a man of the people I figure I will give the public what it wants interestingly enough it wasn't received very well by critics who cited that the show was peddling pseudoscience basically so the world hasn't totally lost its mind yet that's that's one thing to count our blessings on I suppose so the actual name of this show is and I quote the goop lab with Gwyneth Paltrow I don't understand how does it come this far why will goop not just stay where it belongs which is underneath the foundation of my house in my cesspit if you happen to be one of those privileged few who haven't heard of goop before I'll just catch you up goop just happens to be the health and wellness company of widely renowned Hollywood actress Gwyneth Paltrow now you know you're dealing with a reputable company when you got headlines like goop approved shrink says there's no such thing as coronavirus best part about this is that goop is actually distanced themselves from this former contributor it reminds me of when al-qaeda was like okay listen we might be terrorists but these freaking Isis guys what it's a little extreme the concept of the show is brilliant what if it our Posse pretty much there's no other way to say it they put her staff through a literal gauntlet of human guinea pig experiments - I don't know find the Fountain of Youth or something I'm not talking total shot from the dark like one staff will just wake up one day and be like what if like swallowing liquid nitrogen like cures postpartum depression oh my god good job Jennifer yeah let's try that what if it does don't forget to sign your wrongful death suit waiver all right then let's take this dive of faith with them we got six episodes six steps six chances for fatal injury let's find out the route to perfect health according to GU step one doing hard drugs on the ground in a foreign country is it too late to back out or um when I started goop and 2008 I was like my calling of something else besides you know making out with Matt Damon on screen or whatever 14 seconds in ok 14 and already we've got perhaps a contender for the Guinness Book of World Records largest humblebrag technically nine seconds cuz the little Netflix logo takes up 5 all to itself 9 seconds in to me it's all like laddering up to one thing which is optimization itself like how can we they like melt the [ __ ] out of this Lea she's honest just another day at the office you have a hundred nails in your face Elise the [ __ ] are you doing to people what the [ __ ] are you doing to people you put a hundred needles in that woman's face Gwyneth we need answers okay what did you gain from that we get to explore like is this real do we feel better and grapple with some topics that are hard you know like algebra who needs that biology see you later ethics definitely won't meet this one next level [ __ ] isn't that beautiful I mean it's beautiful in the same way like open heart surgeries beautiful it's nice but I'm not gonna put it on my wall grams I'm not gonna frame it isn't that beautiful isn't that beautiful yeah I don't wonder why it's not in the Louvre you see those dark spots there's always chafing down there no really Czechs god that's the looker okay to have you both here what a pleasure thank you can you explain to us what maps is well gwyneth maps tends to be a diagrammatic representation of land or sea that people can use to find their way around typically come from electronic to old used by hikers roadsters I hate to tell you even the odd pirate will use one of those bad boys maps is the multidisciplinary Association for psychedelic studies I would personally love to know a little bit about the trajectory of using psychedelics as healing modalities all right let's slow down gwyneth let's stop using those big words you know those trajectories and modalities and well let's keep it to some simpler smaller ones you do know like give and me and your and you know money you like this you don't you know this one don't you well psychedelics are back and they're being used in the context of spirituality healing and celebration of transitions you're gonna use to convince me oh don't worry it's completely safe check out this footage of Incan mo Howard shooting up hot LED up his nose clinical trials inject that straight into my newborn baby so we wanted to explore psychedelics in a therapeutic setting look Elyse you didn't have to create an entire Netflix series just as an excuse to do drugs okay well I'm not judging I'm just saying can we be real here can we quit pretending we decided to try psilocybin also known as magic mushrooms in Jamaica where their use isn't regulated Jamaica's like I don't know eat as many mushrooms as you want hire a private militia [ __ ] if we care that's where we decided to do the mushrooms how did you choose who so to keep staffs were nominated themselves and raised their hands she's like covering your bases like at least tell him tell him I didn't force him oh the goop they raise their hands I please put me in the foreign jurisdiction with no regulations so yeah their first health experiment here is just literally the goop staff going and taking magic mushrooms I mean I'm on the edge of my seat I wonder what's gonna happen next you can cry you can scream you can make pound the ground the only thing we don't do is get sexual with each other and we don't take our clothes off but other than that like literally anything goes I mean okay you could pound the ground you can punch you can scream no sex no don't want to see any boobies you can take a SIM card or your neighbor David don't see the boobies though if the boobies come out during that you're in trouble we're going to give three grams so we can be with the spirit of the mushroom seriously debt that puny thing that's what you're bringing for God's sakes the spirit of the mushroom is joining us tonight you want you wanted to think we're a bunch of dweebs should have left this to me okay see that that is a proper role yeah where's Sasha in fact who's Sasha Oh your energy is pretty good damn they got some good [ __ ] in Jamaica light source source starting to an angel and his [ __ ] brain dude oh hey I did I found Sasha two of them in fact to Sasha's if my eyes do not deceive what's that about what's that of stop jiggling his his breast stop that did he have some Flemmi to loosen up in there he's got a chest infection what could call for that I feel like I'm gonna bite of the center of the center of the circle right now sir was it well I want to hear that one more time for me Kevin I feel it in the light of the center of the center of the circle right now Kevin's having a real good time Jesus go hollow he sounds - it's like a [ __ ] watermelon on there it's nice work there Kevin that was a rough one oh it was very beautiful to lie there next to Kevin and watch him be held by these two men in a way that he hadn't I his own father and don't you understand all Kevin ever wanted was love from his two big strong hairy arm dads and now he's finally got it I don't know if the mushrooms were necessary but he was on mushrooms while he found his two dads you look at the team at goop they are all carrying tremendous amount of pain and loss you know you for example what could possibly be wrong with you you have everything at least the cameras are rolling cut that out Convention stop it you have everything you're beautiful you're wealthy you're famous like shut up you know he's a riot isn't she something sorry she's actually mentally disabled that's why since going through it what and your experience of like being in your body I've been carrying this sort of emptiness and loneliness around for 36 years now I think carrying this emptiness and loneliness around for 39 years so is it 36 or 39 I don't get Kevin I have a feeling the mushrooms back there may have melted one of your core Texas and thank you for letting me do all of this fun stuff and I don't think coffee okay we're on to step two chillin with a crazy Dutchman literally [Music] seven degrees Celsius 44 degrees Fahrenheit thermo shockingly cold is not just regular cold I don't know what actually what the stages have been cold and furlough shocking are I'm assuming it's at least three or four colds shockingly cold for a human to go into the water I know you're about to go in the water why are you gonna do it stay out of it take a hike on a sunny day you cannot just jump in this is dangerous I started to feel like a panic attack coming on I can't can't really blame you you got it freaking crazy random Dutch guy going this is actually dangerous I'm gonna make you jump in that water you can't go back you look like a [ __ ] but also I won't let you my arms are strong a human wouldn't last too long and he would go into involuntary gasping well you been like that man that that didn't seem involuntary there's no way that's involuntary it's all I'm saying cold water is a great way to learn to deal with stress so this guy is pretty well known his name is wim HOF he's like this insane Dutch guy who just like sits out in the cold his underwear and just tells everyone they should do that cuz apparently that's the only way to resolve anything in your life excuse me you're not sitting on a glacier in nothing but your underpants what do you what do you stress or some you can go into the cold water and adapt and with that you become the alchemist of life itself [Music] get it away dude you just sitting in cold water which is good what's good for you I don't know about the alchemist of life thing [Music] hello I've just been watching YouTube videos of you alright anyone scream this guy he's Dutch you're the living example of mind over matter yes yes that's me yes that I am that they call me the Iceman because I do all kinds of extremes in the cold oh it's good Dave what you're in the process of proving is that this prevailing belief that we cannot control our autonomic nervous system is a fallacy and that we can directly impact and affect our immune system our mood the way that we respond to life yeah whatever you said yes I am cold man I mentioned this I am cold man I enjoy the ice just by using the mind I was able to make the skin temperature not go down after exposure of cold water it's crazy that's crazy because it's not true that lats to the interest of scientists they've injected in coli bacteria hey Jack Jack PhD do you seem setting that pool of water you since it get their coli I was able to defy the reaction of the bacteria injected and you've taught people how to do it and you showed people how to inject e.coli into you cool yeah cool all right beautiful people gonna go into the depth today that's cute he made him lay in the shape of a snowflake he may be cold but he's not heartless I'm trying to do what you say you can screaming screaming something I mean when weeds go can I go in the cold water and go home what the [ __ ] is going on this is probably the most insane thing I've been asked to do for GUP trust me Ana you're all in episode two okay I wouldn't be calling that kind of thing now also hey it's Anna the associate food editor remember from the the pop-up store Anna is one of our fantastic food editors Stiller know what a food editor is but he did go in go out what are you doctor so freaking cold like if I like didn't have the breathing techniques and like didn't breathe the whole time I would have not been able to move you know I'm a little nervous but I got to face my fear sometimes so it's now or never right let's do this I get back I think that was I don't know I wasn't expecting that like I was just I was trying to you know well it's a breathing I could to get my like nose above the water level my my heart was just beating my parasympathetic nervous system was taking care of that like I didn't have to make my heart beat so that was like taking care of now I barely made it out of there looking at the lake it was like a pretty massive oh [ __ ] moment like disbelief that I'm actually doing this hey God she did it I'm not to like sound dramatic but I feel like that was like a changing point in my life I mean you don't sound not dramatic even even Wims like alright lady it's not that serious Jackson McCole I didn't talk to me would you come with me yeah to do push-ups I can't do a push-up this is the brief moment like goodest outro remember she's human push-ups you're like Oh totally I'd normally do like friggin 8,000 of those but like I just had like a chewy bar today I'm kind of like my blood Sugar's down all I can say is I know she's fasting and oh at least with the same okay she's like at least that's what I pay you for baby that's what I pay you for she says she can't do push-ups she's still gonna do more push-ups than I think even though she was like a clearly like a decrepit skeleton right now and like you praise Li like a monster for making her do it she's still gonna be down there too and more like scout and push-ups than me we are going to do a push-up how many do we do as many buddy can just go just go to freedom go the doors what your security guards i frozen it's pure silence dude it's pure silence good ladies yes at least took the fall what a surprise she is strong okay 20 there that's cheese frosting I know that's why I like that's what I said I said like she could do more even though she's dancing you don't think you bring it up because I obviously did it because then you know like she's my buddy you [ __ ] weird [ __ ] Iceman I don't think I can do any more push-ups you give the best you get the best just do that very nice box now okay as far as I can see is you and you and me in this room and there's no way out so you're gonna give me a bet you're gonna get the best an Iceman is because I deal with ice and ice related activities all right okay moving on step three admiring the female form with Grandma so now we're sitting with our genitals exposed Oh skin doesn't fit it's all blotchy I got all these bruises naked little old lady with her vibrator are they gonna show the bowl huh like is this gonna happen okay I cannot show you any of that on YouTube and frankly I don't want to talk about what I've seen ever again moving on to step four health step four just literally psychics energy is real and there can be a positive energy exchange and a negative one once you become aware you can start to help open you up energetically psyche psychics what is that new wellness switch less and less sense the more it goes on basically in this episode they bring on this lady who claims she's a psychic and acts like she's straight out of Minority Report you know where this is going so I'm just gonna be quiet for one moment all right okay we'll see what they have to say okay I do have a female figure coming out in on my upper right hand screen so that what do you mean by screens we time out screens you seen a TV in your what are you watching trying to pull that through a little bit more don't feed it yeah I'm hearing what sounds like an e L or an Ella sounding name to me okay they was elbows red and furry you'd like to be tinkle son of a [ __ ] why do you have to drink so much do you understand yeah I'm also hearing happy birthday is there a birthday coming up in the family I come to think of it it does happen to me one have you miss dealing my credit card information are you the one who took my photo to them so I don't know what this has to do with wellness but for this part they pair of everybody off and then they exchange personal items and they're supposed to read the energy of that item and draw something about the other person that they got from the item how did we get can you share what you got yeah so I don't know why but the object was it's this awesome dog for some reason I feel like this was given to you for like a birthday but it wasn't supposed to be super sentimental but then it like became sentimental sir I'm not trying to like be awkward or anything but like I was like does that mean cuz that's what I was getting like I'm not trying to be weird or anything but I'll just think about that if you asked for signs and messages like really specific concrete ones from the other side you will get them I asked you for a sign why does do I not have a Netflix show if this is B the bar Netflix if you're outside out of ideas just give me a [ __ ] call and so I was doing a reading for honor and she is skeptical yeah I made this whole medium side giving world is very much like Santa Claus that's the truth just because something sounds so fairytale like I'm so beautiful doesn't mean it's not true Hansel and Gretel Rapunzel retirement funds first thing I want to say is that is there are there twins in the family or like a Gemini like birthday what is that June no I keep seeing like my girlfriend she is no what you think you month like that I keep saying like like two back-to-back it's very back-to-back like like I feel like I want to talk about twins hey identical fraternal Olsen I don't care just please stay on track Anna it's one of those things when you're proving something that seems like outlandish and crazy you have to be like spot-on and you have to do it right if you want to prove your point good on you Anna good on you you didn't cave I'm glad I like Anna she's the better angel of our group is there like a funny story or a picture about a donkey or is there something with Shrek what the [ __ ] what I genuinely wasn't expecting you to bring up Shrek you haven't gotten anything so far how desperate are you that you go to Shrek this is my psychic charade part and I'm seeing like a donkey and I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say about it well you know I agree I I think I see a charade as well and a donkey performing it is there anything with like a trip to Mexico no okay no I know no donkey no Mexico no Shrek what he try to pitch a movie to me Eddie Murphy goes to Shrek sicko starring Cheech Marin I don't know what you want from me lady that can happen this is the problem with wires got crossed this happens all the time you what band were you on oh I was on 16.1 that's Lindsay that's not you duh that's where the Shrek came from cats chills right now for those first people who came in were yours right Lindsay in tears alright just a coincidence producer of the show associate producers just the coincidence she hears Mexico burrito Shrek oh my god it was my grandfather he was a giant Mexican Shrek donkey he really wanted for the photo booth at our wedding in Mexico to have a donkey oh stop it Wow they completely avoid Shrek just want to point that out nobody answers for Shrek I want to know whose wife she was reading that came with Frank health Step five the man spreading Merlin of massage you can measure the energy field of the body like somewhere between four and six feet off the body the body doesn't end right here at the skin the body is multi-dimensional so when I'm moving my hands in the air and I'm snapping my fingers and I'm making sounds with my hands I'm putting energy into the field around somebody's body and I'm changing their energy system just by the way I interact with it do you get all that yes peer-reviewed I really don't know what to tell you about this episode this one is about a magician masseuse like am I supposed to make jokes about that they're not trying by this point they at least tried with the [ __ ] ice water guy he just goes right one Wow how'd you do it doc I couldn't come up with this [ __ ] if I tried so I've been hesitant to show it just because it it can look strange but I think it's time for the world to see when I first met John there was a woman I know yeah bring on the testimonials bring bring her on before what am i spinal call severed and then max came along with and now all my bones are back what you [ __ ] you [ __ ] last step health span plan ok this one at least looks like it could be related to health let's finish this saga shall we I get the stinky one are you ready for your diet oldie I'm ready really nothing weird nothing scary this was just them doing diets ok alright I can get with this here's here's mine diet I got wrong I got ROM and I I eat on Wednesday with a Red Bull on Wednesday that Red Baron deep dish is gonna be on Wednesday I like that now actually but I don't know something's weird here this episode is suspiciously absent of Gwyneth Paltrow randomly separating the plasma from her own blood using a centrifuge and then reintroducing it into her own face using a needle gun and I'm gonna collect your golden bra look at that actually my throat actually my throat alright so how did the diet turn out though I don't know why that was in there these little cones they stimulate collagen formation in addition to holding the skin back what is going on with this episode I don't recall every diet coming with the site of facial reconstruction these devices in general lasts about nine months in the body what you're telling me is those beads that make me look like the Black Dahlia they stay at least for nine months and my body signed me I put that in gone put that be my face give you a mirror I just want to see your reaction oh great Wow what who who is it who's a Jennifer Aniston other than diet what would you say is this sort of second most important is it sleep is it stress okay so after all this why don't you tell us well what was the moral of the story all along huh how do you get healthy it's everything you kind of know don't smoke exercise get sleep and it seems like genetics plays a little bit of a role in it so get sleep exercise don't smoke ninety percent of predetermined fate you know everything you already know like I say the tenants of wellness are typically free it's true Suzy what now the tenets of what now are typically what could I get that again it's like you say the tenants of wellness are typically free that's true so you tell me all that money I spent on your website I could have got typically for free that's true all that money gone all that time wasted and I could have just got this typically for free oh no I've just had it she lied to me she lied what I had nothing left hello operator she lied to us I believed in you I don't know what I believe it anymore I don't know what I believe it me and beanies delicious brains want to thank today's sponsor for making this video possible and that sponsor is honey honey is the free online shopping tool that helps you find promo codes and applies them to your cart to save you money I've worked with honey in the past as you may know and those of you who've installed honey using MyLink have collectively saved over $450,000 if you could believe that for those of you who didn't sign up you're literally just throw it away money what are you doing it's free to use and installs in two clicks did you catch that I installed honey just there it was that quick here let me show you again in case you missed it the first time with everyone working now from home these days I gotta tell you sweatpants are quite the rage and I'm about to buy a pair from the gap here oh and look at that with honey I just saved 14 dollars and 38 cents but I otherwise with honey works with over 30,000 online stores so make sure you get honey for free at joy nutty calm slash jontron that's join honey calm slash jontron thanks honey for a sponsoring today's video stay safe everyone [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music]

Channel: JonTronShow

Views: 10,122,571

Rating: 4.9623427 out of 5

Keywords: goop, the goop lab, gwyneth paltrow, jontron, jontronshow, funny, wim hof, iceman, netflix

Id: UxIoZ1omTKY

Length: 30min 7sec (1807 seconds)

Published: Sun Apr 12 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/[deleted]]

[removed]

[u/bigfatcarp93]

DING DING DING

LOOKS LIKE MEAT'S BACK ON THE MENU, BOYS

[u/CarnivorousL]

That movie Gwyneth bragged about where she made out with Matt Damon?

It's a movie called Contagion, where she literally played a character that is patient zero of a bat-virus originating from Asia that killed thousands of people.

Holy fucking shit.

[u/littlemacsvoltorb]

Gweneth Paltrow 2: Netflix Goopaloo

[u/Cascadianranger]

Damn Anna fucking exposed that psychic hard. They so obviously had to go off screen and like, bail themselves out as Anna tore her to shreds

[u/calebhall]

Best video this month?

[u/eggy333]

BOY was that a rollercoaster.

Psychedelics: Eh that's debatable as "wellness" but whatever

Cold water immersion and breathing: Okay that's not bad, athletes have been known to do that. Maybe this isn't gonna be complete nonsense after all!

Literally psychics: Welp never mind then I guess

[u/shatter321]

THE SAVIOR HAS RETURNED ON THE THIRD DAY

[u/mobyte]

I dunno if Jon reads this chaotic subreddit but if he does...

Thank you for keeping us company during this insane time.