A Talking Cat!?! - JonTron

jontron somebody was hungry today wasn't he I guess hating all those Mondays really worked up an appetite didn't it hold on a second let me get that hello forgot this part of your body and let me tell you that's not the only talking cat I got in this house and know by the way I'm not referring to talking tom I'm referring of course in the state of the art called classic hit a talking cat exclamation point question mark exclamation point so for your viewing displeasure and without further ado I did be the tidings of a talking cat oh look this film was produced by the Fantastic Four oh I'm really liking what they've done with it here well I guess this is as good a time as any to show you guys my new revamped logo do you like it the movie starts with like a minute of establishing shots like any of these ultra low-budget films do really trying to squeeze every last bit to hit that feature-length finish line I like the wood what who's speaking is it the cat or did the director just leave the mic on in the editing Bay and forget to take it out sounds like you might have had one too many he's straight on to giving life lessons to anyone in earshot I've heard them say it's a simple things we should appreciate most and right now it's a wind in the trees and the smells in the air this place has sir you're polluting the audio you speak when spoken to market so um there's a cat rolling around you know we're not I know as much as you do at this point and there it is folks that's how you know this is real this is happening the person titling this movie was clearly just as confused as the rest of us hmm nothing says home quite like a dead tree honey I'm home oh wait is this my house I think this might actually be the local art museum huh if only I was twice as rich what is this house did they just rent this for the few days they were shooting I guess we know where the budget went is that a [ __ ] tree we're in high heels in the corner of the house what's going on what the hell does this house belong to a serial killer is there a woman's body inside of that tree where is she that's not even a scripted thing that's just really just walked in there and said hey is that a tree wearing shoes it's gonna be one of those days by the way very interesting observation coming from a man who has a half a car in his living room within the same shot I think when this is not the weirdest thing in frame at any one given point in time you know you're on to something magical yeah dad every day with this [ __ ] every day I'm sitting here reading my book your walks in the door make a card oh is that me I'm supposed to like it oh [ __ ] you dad and honestly if it was a choo-choo train noise maybe I would left the car noise before I look like you some sort of big baby they go too far for this one so after the painstaking intro we meet these two fellows the father comes home to say that he's sold his vague company along with all its assets so what's over the company what does the company do I don't know what did itself I don't know either something about code we sold the website the websites interface the interface to code that I worked half my life on oh god I could understand the interface but you saw the crowd think of who you're affecting now they say that I've got enough money to retire who says that didn't you already have enough that's what they say whose day what are they saying that for guess I'll hang out here at the house for a while that we could spruce it up a little bit didn't you our decorator well they get mad they keep referencing the decorations and even the fact that they used an interior designer I'm assuming this is because the director knew the house looked out of place what was I thinking maybe we could go on those trips that we talked about electrics held my son's lifeless body in my arms yes God why why is the Sun such a dick anyways he just over you're lounging around in a pool of money inside his dad's mansion his dad's just trying to be nice to him any wonder you give him the time of day maybe water Peter later yeah if you're lucky dad also spiral staircase I gotta say one of the worst methods of a dramatic exit oh hey you dad just ignore this product still mad at you okay off I go this is some great church music Dorothy over there I see you you're killing it on the harpsichord tonight I mean I wasn't expecting a John Williams score but this soundtrack is so mismatched it's making me depressed hello hi is this Chris Barber from mr. Carver's class he's still calling about the smell I call general access underneath my floorboards um no I mean yeah I mean come on spit out Romeo apparently this girl is calling to get English lessons from the Sun this guy's teaching English okay I don't know if that's your forte dude oh yeah yeah I mean I'm good at English are you sure yeah sure yeah what me look like some sort eighth man ha that funny if me ape why me kill for banana right my parents can't pay much I mean that's come on no payment necessary you know she's no shirt no service what does that mean I guess I mysteriously a cat walks by and no one knows where it came from kitty okay I know we're talking about a talking cat here okay I wasn't expecting award-winning sound design but did you have to record this in the [ __ ] catacombs that's like a worse reverb I've ever heard in a film anyways moving on know what what do you do and you like a girl what how does that relate well you were just asking about the cat you're gonna forget about the loose wild animal in your house oh I did chick had that one yeah me too right oh yeah to see that that one that cat I saw I CAD like this I can't went right to that cobweb hey let's go to that picture huh yeah okay that sounds about right okay so it seems the scene shifts to an evergreen forest now your toes what's wrong with you toes you got like Hobbit feet you planning on stomping some grapes live at that party lady hey mom yes Tina and no you can't go to Business College but about that she didn't you know say anything about that Oh what can I say mom you are the read my mind where did you get that she was just trying to help you find your shoes also what kind of modern person is opposed to their daughter going to business college you're not going to your silly business school you will stay at home and become an artist just like your mother and in time you'll learn to hide those wretched toes as well but mom I didn't even say which one just face it you aren't true Britney and smart to waste your time going to get a higher education which you have just established she is capable of okay no that's that's good I'm just want to know make sure that's what we're going with that don't look at them they're hideous I belong in the bell tower you call me the Freak but you're all the freaks with your five toad feet so I'm sorry we bug your mom got Business College well why she didn't say anything about it is it just that this girl all day that's all she talks about so everyone's just anticipating it without or even saying it in the moment really strange thing to bring up unprovoked why don't you shut it why don't you shut it through the annoying one what a big happy family we got here I hate you trying ditto can you guys give it a rest and help me find my shoes okay or I won't feed you this week what a big happy family today I'm tell us on the porch oh is it does right there you know direct line of sight well I got him found a mom can I have my weekly rations now hi there okay we got a regular zoologist here he recognized that cat like like that oh you can see the damn laser pointer they didn't even try you can also see cat food on the ground right next to the cat everywhere it is so they could get it to sit there clean so but it takes real magic to make the right people at the right time so yes as it turns out the voice is definitely the inner monologue of the cat he talks about helping these people which he or they give no reason for so the old man walks outside to once again find the cat and it's revealed that the name of the cat is Duffy also I think this cat knows this movie's gonna be bad for its career and reputation seeing as the man has to keep breaking its neck back in a position to keep it looking at the camera totally this job run my ears oh no Duffy slammed a few back again keep calm and keep rubbing okay well maybe you can get some Sun out here huh if you could grab me and ballin off now be great um excuse me what we are where now that's supposed to be where they live they clearly were like in LA or Arizona or something like that and then they just showed an establishing shot from a different hemisphere small world huh no look literally very small a very small world for that to be possible did someone mention my name okay and we're back to the other house not sure what the relation is at all by the way is this laptop massive or is she just very tiny unlike some people I heard that oh come on next time you're gonna insult the doorframe at least make sure it's not an ear shot that's just careless how much does it pay no besides toys this office for people with imaginations and creative type stuff be still young Isaac Newton think any harder when you might hurt yourself toys this office for people with imaginations and creative type stuff yeah toys and stuff and sports smart type people and stuff not a little baby boys like me I look like some sort of Brainiac I'm gonna fix that loose fence yeah you do that I have a feeling you're gonna be finding yourself fixing a lot of fences around here in the coming future that's sweet let him think he's helping there ain't no bit inside that drill oh he's out there for hours every day doing the same hole fences beautifully built it's fine it doesn't need anything he just thinks he's helping I know I know I know I know that's real I'm such a good friend Reed you're beeping machine oh my god I don't know if I can let that slide you're a cat Reed your machine and you're talking and can you believe they accomplished it all on such as a low-budget inspiring what hard American work will get you in this [ __ ] excuse me what do you think you're doing to my wall are you thinking something special mr. Joel now this okay you can learn from this now that's taste so apparently according to what the cat refers to as the rules you can only speak to someone like that like meaning where his lips move once per person that's the lawyer if you're interested you can read more about it in the a talking cat compendium there's a cat here thank god the mom was standing right there in the corner watching paint dry er I don't know what we would have thought about this normal house cat I know there's a cat in here it was just talking to me why is there a cat in here ah did you just glaze over the fact that your daughter said that the cat spoke to her she's clearly speaking from our point of view maybe it's her read should I get it to milk it talks like it doesn't just me yeah I was just talking to me like words sentences language where's your brother this is why you have no imagination a talking cat he's still on the fence he's standing over here like Forrest Gump just drilling the same piece of wood he hasn't moved what is this movie winds are gonna be over after the daughter freaks out she goes and throws her freakishly large laptop on the bed and the music goes eerie while she sees the dad from the first part of the movie on his website what yes is there something you wanted to say or okay yeah thanks for a scrolling so slowly I don't want to miss anything after all what am I gonna do try taking a long walk into the woods who will find a woman named Cheryl Bird under the 12th oak tree God told me to do it Thomas shoes the heart you can talk but only once yeah you know that's the rules shut up already class breaks so after this scene the old man has a mental breakdown in front of his mirror as he goes for a walk because hearing a cat talk scarred him for life and I'm gonna stop talking to stray cats because that makes no sense at all he decides to go on a walk to calm his nerves and wait wait a second I thought they lived by the beach in like Guam now we're like what in the Pacific Northwest he could just walk that far they must pay a lot of money to reside in this multi biosphere realm you can get it all here you see them talking cat what is that a talking cat words came out of that mouth no I'm not believing that you didn't tell me how the cat will talk to me there's a caller Myers Warren gave me your cat you're human and now I'm about to blow my [ __ ] brains out I just want to point out that his reaction to the cat speaking directly to him is more underwhelmed than when he just originally saw the cat normally okay I'm a talking cat remember that just makes me crazy I have plenty of imagination oh wait no you're kidding me they're neighbors you juggled these plots for this long to have them bump into each other 40 minutes in I really thought they were on different parts of the globe wait you're not a crazy person right I mean no offense ah yes the classic psychiatric evaluation for all crazy people you just walk up yo you crazy what a crazy stranger do like aggressively walk closer to you after you ask him that question so she lets a perfect stranger into her house and they talk about cheese puffs or some cheese puffs I'm not joking my son doesn't think so oh you have a son how old so a wonderful twilight years romance blossoms here and then they become friends I guess why don't you make it your own well I don't have much taste I mean look at me I look like something that the cat dragged in he's in boys he did it he said it oh that's my cheese you don't excuse me let me I'll grab him out of this oven here with my bare hands without any hesitation just this guy it's just fill our neighbor don't freak out don't freak out you were warned Phil you didn't listen so it actually starts getting a bit weird these two are getting along but then as he drops her tray that she really needed for some catering event she gets like actually mad oh no they were dropped right side up completely protected by 10 foil buy you some more I'm sure it's not that big of a deal mom so it just gets awkward he suggests the way to fix it but the mom just like is lastingly mad at him and we were even rooting for him at this point cheese that's real pain but there's got to be something I can do yeah you know what you could go really uh-uh we'll be fine so the daughter like tracks Phil down in the woods and follows him home and then I don't even know the brother comes looking for his sister and somehow finds their house which he's never been to before and well it just really starts to railing from here hey do you think I could take a swim oh no Phil that is unacceptable I expect more from my kids and you know what I barely know you yeah well then maybe we should hang out sometime you're asking me out now Trent in the car we'll talk about this when we get home in the future could you take your walk on a different trail everybody feeling good here yeah it was nice nice little movie about a talking cat yeah okay and then there's this totally derivative scene okay really pissed me off how easy it was to see this coming and you probably already know what I'm gonna say Oh cam of course talking about the scene where they scan clothes with a [ __ ] bedside worm light for over two literal minutes to test this girl's algorithm for how to dress best on a computer program that she made it needed Phil's website for some reason what you didn't see that coming also there's this part where I think they accidentally synced up his lines to the music scare ya yep scare ya yep so after all this guess this is where the cat's help comes into play he goes to once and for all solved their domestic dispute well that can't eat talking no more I'll tell you that much what the [ __ ] the cat gets hit by a car the first time I watched that I thought I was just missing the point but no he really gets it Susan so the gang all shows up to see the state of the cat's health and I can't believe I'm actually saying this we found him the vet has made him comfortable but oh God comfortable is the last thing you ever want to be when you're being hospitalized yeah Oh God Duffy are you gonna be okay boy you see I think I see the problem here I mean it's he's got a little uh let me show you see this it's got a little bit uh a little bit of this on him you just got to take that off it'll be good be clean ready to go by tomorrow at the clinic I can't believe they're actually trying to pass this off this is a movie or a money laundering scheme somebody made this decision behind the scenes I'll tell you what he he does look comfortable very comfortable too comfortable everything makes sense now except that mage orb that just went by right there we did something I'm Duffy I'm a talking cat thank you guys so much for watching this episode of jontron was sponsored by audible.com weren't for them I wouldn't be able to sit here and screaming at Garfield phones please have look at you you were a great sport you might no audible if you don't they're a company that does audiobooks they got it all and I personally use it myself you can do the whole thing you know phone tablet computer take your audio books with you wherever you go if you go use my specialized link audible.com slash jontron you can get a free 30-day trial right now and get a free book this month I recommend to you the Martian written by Andy weir maybe you like that maybe you won't that's subjective it has something to do with the sponsorship get out of my house

Channel: JonTronShow

Views: 14,842,098

Keywords: jontron, a talking cat!?!, talking, cat, movie, a talking cat, funny, review

Id: m76z5mgv5_A

Length: 21min 50sec (1310 seconds)

Published: Thu Feb 25 2016

Reddit Comments

[u/retalion]

I really thought the cat moving his mouth was something Jon put there.

Holy crap.

[u/DynamicSparrow]

[LIVE FOOTAGE FROM PANTIES]

[u/mikelelex]

The old guy's shirt says "un pinche dia a la vez", which translates to "One fucking day at a time".

I think that's the only interesting thing in the movie.

[u/StacksOfBudahhh]

ITS LIKE NIAGARA FALLS OUT THERE

holy shit my sides

[u/Kitsyfluff]

HE ECHED

[u/TheEpicestDerp]

That was actually a really good episode. I haven't laughed that hard a while.

[u/paulgt]

J O N T E N T

[u/[deleted]]

Someone gif the new Jontron logo. I need it to shitpost

[u/SUBLIMINAL__MESSAGES]

CONTENT LEVEL 999