The Skateboard Kid - JonTron

jontron humanity's to longest-lasting staples the child our legacy as a people and the skateboard I think it was made around the 80s and 90s it's been around since then so it's time we finally bring these two worlds together that's right today we're watching the skateboard kid the film with the famous tag line why take the road when you can fly this film was made in 1993 and features the voice of the late Dom DeLuise it was the voice of such characters as Jeremy from secret of NIMH and Pizza the Hutt from Spaceballs in this flick he voices a character named rip so I said we're just trying to drive the point home all right let's quit wasting time and watch this baby I caught that for real Wow that's one flashy intro I can't wait for what's to follow the skateboard kid here we go featuring songs by the trash kittens what is that like a kitten you found in the trash either way great band name guys hmm is that so yes it does appear the back of that skateboard says power why though why is this the first shot of the movie oh that's what I'm talking about right there I remember when I rented out my local laser tag for the night on my birthday let's rip I'm a pretty cool dude and that's just a fact so what did they have some sort of coordinated plan here besides just skateboarding around you look like he had something really serious plans also skateboarding inside all slowly like that is just well it's impractical at best and it just makes you look silly go and get your wigs don't forget they skated away okay so their master plan was just I guess to mess with this guy who literally just stands there and says the words chicken wings over and over I mean they must have planned it in advance because this kid hooks up the police car like he knows the police is gonna chase them why don't they just pick another target you know like out of the cops line-of-sight hey hey little chicken boy first of all that insult could use some work second of all the pain and humiliation I feel daily are immense for someone like you to cut someone like me deeper well you must have problems yourself buddy so I feel bad for you and how [ __ ] dare you say that to me I'm gonna make you regret those goddamn words so interspersed throughout the movie are these strange shots of skateboard tricks like all these shots they coordinated with the airplanes I'm assuming they just rolled up to LAX and did this before the security showed up I mean after tricks they do aren't even that impressive they're just jumping around like idiots what's this song trying to say skateboarder or perhaps this is a tribute song for the life and times of a man named Scott border mr. borders gonna really appreciate this I just feel it it's gonna be great no creek you like clean air some small-town values almost hitting a young boy nonchalantly and pretending it didn't happen I feel like in the real shot that was just as dangerous as it look how do you say dad yeah whatever you say dad never mind this gaggle of skateboarders that for some reason are now following our car ah how slow are you guys going that these kids can just roll up to your car window dad oh my god I guess he really shouldn't have been wearing that chicken mask while skateboarding you killed what he crossed the road like that get your side you Barney yeah check out this stupid picture your face also our friend is actually dead oh god it's those post-mortem spasm funny guys oh you were never dead at all that was just a trick a dirty trick by some dirty boys but then you're not laughing did I once but then you took your mask off suppose you gentlemen know where Mill Creek is do ya Mill Creek I've never heard a milking have you ever heard a Mill Creek something tells me they don't know too much about Mill Creek there is a Mill Creek you know it's back that way really 40 miles down that way then you make her right so was that a sarcastic answer I'm not sure how to take that yeah oh no there it is it really is back that way so why was his answer so weird and then he runs away thanks for the directions dude excuse me do you know how to get to 50th Street station from here yeah you go down ten blocks that way make a right you can't miss it are you with him Oh mommy's doll ways safe yeah sometimes the thing you're looking for is staring you right in the face well mom sure used to say a lot of things that hold very little relevance to most situations telling you I got a good feeling about this place you'll see you're gonna love this town oh yeah oh you think felt yeah whatever you won't be needing that anyway you just start her up whoa a buddy listen grandma don't need no help she's about to get out there start tearing up some asphalt just clear the way bye-bye so now we meet this character Dan the usual sleazy car salesman type seriously he's not even doing it that well this is like what I do at home when I think no one's watching and I'm pretending to be cool 91 degrees here at the end Mill Creek Wow well you're just a real waste of [ __ ] human life aren't you so next we cut to the kids from earlier messing with a neighborhood girl a heart attacks shut up ugly back pop snake Oh snake did not expect that you startled him he's like oh my god I'm sorry oh Christ so I guess the implication is that the father is doing poorly at his new job so he was sent to direct a commercial but isn't that like an upgrade I don't know hey Dad oh yeah what is it Zack dad I need alone I know they just kind of shot I said not now Zach no you didn't oh Christ and howdy I'm Vic and Hannah y'all probably remember my big granddaddy dirty Dan armed robber baby oh that's a shame sorry so since our hero was framed by the bully as seen here everyone on set hates him especially this guy holy [ __ ] he punched his skateboard clean and a half we got to be really angry to get that level of punch I'm mad but just in the nick of time he's saved by a kind soul who gives him a lemonade and a pat on the back welcoming him to the new town I'm coming huh what a nice lady seems like she's having a bit of a domestic with her spouse yeah it's all alike please I'll find it wait what she's just screaming at a random electrician as if it were a family member and she just left him in there to give some kid lemonade apparently she has some sort of issue with her electricity like she hasn't paid for it or something like that not my concern wait what what are you doing over there Zach no no not wait one minute I gotta know what you're doing right now oh I'm serious did you break something you do something illegal who are you it's not even obvious to the audience what's going on here how exactly has this kid Zack figured out how to fix her anomalous electricity situation the moment he met her oh my god lady he's drinking your fish oh you're just fine with him drinking your pet fish oh that's funny to you that's a joke no reaction also this was what part of the plan you did that first you went in first thing you put her pet fish in the drink first of all assuming that she would be okay with the pet fish dying and that he would drink this at all and not see the fish and also when you broke the glass with the rock how did you replace the glass were you carrying an extra glass with you to put on there sometimes the thing you're looking for is staring you right in the face oh my god are you my ghost mom now what can I do for you huh excuse me what did you just say well I'm not gonna let my hero get out of a place like this without a reward cut it cut a quick cut to film this is getting too weird wild also two extra strange because she just said thing his mom said so since Zacks skateboard has been broken by way of being delicately punched in actual half she decides to give him another one she has just lying around watch attempts of decency boil the other way maybe the hell what's that supposed to be excuse me oh oh sorry about that what's that supposed to be this is crack once blocked the amazing for Reedy yeah so then like immediately after this scene there's a montage of him cutting up a bunch of [ __ ] and putting it on the skateboard why what prompted this I mean shouldn't there be a few scenes where the kids make fun of it first or something to give him a reason to work on it like I don't know if one of them said wow that skateboard looks pretty stupid objectively it looks like some sort of clown board and then Zack was like I'll show you I'll make the best skateboard of all time and then I'll kill all of you and hide the bodies I mean wait not that last part like he literally even just goes and slaps a motor to this thing out of nowhere for no reason and it's not like it was established that Zack was some sort of whiz kid or anything like that he's just a normal kid I mean we're talking about the guy who has a hat that says Wow on it okay you know what I don't need to know about rummage time so Zack takes his new skateboard out for a test run when he runs into trouble with the neighborhood gang then all of a sudden Zach movin it's your turn to attack what does a man do when halfway through a movie a skateboard begins to speak what does a man do then don't sweat it these guys are Barney's so finally now we know what Dom DeLuise had to do with this monstrosity you didn't have to do it done but forced you did you need a paycheck don't get me started Tyler oh yeah this is gonna be good so now as if the movie wasn't confusing enough before we got a wisecracking skateboard from Brooklyn babbling half-assedly like he took too many percocet this morning it doesn't even make any sense at least snakes got the right idea though sit back eat a taco watch the fireworks huh you know if like one guy here had a car this would all be fine what you're just gonna stop chasing your target now this guy gets a little oil on him you're all in hysterics what are you actual babies so back at the house Zack talks to his skateboard well Rick and I read oh my god what happened like that how you scared me trip Zack it's really happening believe it that'll be a bit hard on account of everything about this and what I'm saying of course I do I wasn't assembled yesterday hmm hmm actually wait you know actually yeah I think you were though how I think you might have been assembled today grab on the skies I don't wanna is weird and creepy this little thing it's like the main thing he uses to move stuff around did they just use whatever they had in the garage when they were designing this grateful Wow this magical skateboard is mildly impressive so as expected the skateboard and the boy become friends in a story as classic as The Jungle Book and also as expected the dad is now a clown major rock evader Ronis bumpkin Oh that's precisely the problem sentient skateboard why don't you go home and tell mother she wants hey no wait oh yeah no chance she's leaving Zach sorry skateboard Oh like some young way as you stick your nose to my business it is my business my mom's a little game to you Maggie SHhhh your mother well they ran the tests and it looks like jenny is gonna need the surgery sometime next year I swear to God movies always do this if the screenwriter doesn't know how to manufacture meaningful drama it always comes back to mom's dead my dad died she needs surgery my Popeye is a clown so just a quick sum up the used car salesman has a lot of money and tries to woo the mother of this girl into marrying him because if she does all her mortgage and medical bills will be magically taken care of she resists of course because he's this guy got Frankie boy your face seal tonight he barely even made his target with that throw is it just mandatory to do things in a way evolution did not account for to be a cool skateboarder from the 90s yeah that's a smart boy just jam all that metal in this see what happens so I'll see what comes out but the dad comes home with the clown hair glued to his head another tragic scene ensues where Zach tries to remove it and things get real for a second take it off sure problem unbeknownst to clown man boy zach has invited over the mother and daughter making the clown hair situation extra hilarious we know what I'm talking about I think your coach or anything now I feel for the guy here that's the worst you just want to hang up somebody's coat in your closet couch falls down I mean David makes you look like an [ __ ] embarrasses them for standard they're watching that monstrosity one time I was trying to hang up a lady's coat the couch fell out of my closet couldn't look her in the eye for a year that meal is really good but all of a sudden I don't oh god what is going on in here oh stop oh come on quit that quit it I said stop you're freaking me out now help you it looks like you're the one that needs to help top so yeah now team cowboy douchebag has figured out the team clown boy good guys are trying to steal the girls away from them with the lady hiding over here in the corner like some sort of abused housewife and now the rivalry between them is real okay though what can I do for you it's about your mortgage radical co-sign that damn loan so Dan the cowboy finally convinces Maggie to marry him in order for her to pay off her mortgage and save her daughter Jenny is reasonably upset at hearing this news so the skateboard tells her jokes to make her happy flattery will get you everywhere I couldn't agree more it was like it was like closing the greatest day with my life I don't get why you gotta marry her now that you're holding her mortgaging I don't have even the slightest clue well you could have said there besides we'll get great granddaddy's treasure back you'll get your great-grandfather's treasure back so this was about treasure the whole time you weigh in 47 minutes for this [ __ ] wait why'd you have to marry her for it then it's in your family what's she got to do with it does she even know about it was it talked to skateboard for Oh who's that gu Setauket skateboard is great granddaddy left behind just so us later Tanner's wood knows away yet you have a map to the treasure as well buddy you're all set oh I got scared it's a scarecrow figures Scud that's good [ __ ] right there I'm gonna need every last drop of this so bla bla bla more pointless conflict more skateboarders and long story short we're here at the wedding while Jenny hates her life and this woman in holy marriage uh hi don't wear what he got there you know what it is Chia head do you Maggie take them to be your lawfully wedded husband awfully what did you need it's treasure mapped ancestors fortune and he's only marrying you to get it what is that true dan wait what is that marry me for it my ancestors treasured Dan is that true it's not about love is about just coordinates a treasure do you Maggie take Dan to be your lawfully wedded husband I do not have you gone insane but why do you have to marry her for the treasure they didn't explain it why didn't he just use the map what does the treasure have to do with marriage oh he can fly now uh-huh oh why oh the skateboard broke and died that's unfortunate all his hat really says mom upside down that's unfortunate all I watched this whole [ __ ] thing that's unfortunate I guess you could say it was staring him right in the face the whole time or at least it was staring other people in the face but mainly if they were looking at it upside down in a mirror you really are my hero it's a genetic Wow what a great film and now in honor of the true skateboard boy I present you with this omage he was a boy skateboarding flip-top cereal another and that's was a travesty we're to save on that big guy hey [ __ ] know me really [ __ ] up I wish you never said that me again alright you this episode of jontron was made possible by the wonderful people at audible.com now if you don't know about them they are an Amazon audiobook company you can listen to your audio books on a computer or take it on the go with your phone or tablet it's all connected to your one account so this month I recommend to you the revenant a novel of revenge if you've seen the movie with Leonardo DiCaprio recently the revenant it's the book that inspired the film if you go to my specialized link right now audible.com slash jontron you can get that book free as well as a free 30-day trial I implore you peace

Channel: JonTronShow

Views: 12,878,697

Keywords: jontron, the skateboard kid, skateboard, kid, 90s, funny, movie, review, dom deluise, jontronshow

Id: QsWlKOwqlD4

Length: 21min 39sec (1299 seconds)

Published: Sun May 01 2016

Reddit Comments

[u/robbie_D_123]

Wait a second, Pink Guy?

THE MEMES ARE CROSSING, PEOPLE
ABORT ABORT ABORT

[u/The_Slothstronaut]

Fuck you Jon, just as I was about to begin my 15th daily viewing of "A Talking Cat!?!", you put this shit up

[u/Nialol]

Fist a talking cat, now a talking skateboard... what will they do next, a talking bird?

[u/kianworld]

actually the skateboard snaps in two

[u/JowlesMcGee]

Jon in his chicken suit is too adorable

[u/mjmannella]

A Talking Skateboard?!

[u/rainbowsnivy]

SCOTT BORDER, YEAH YEAH!

[u/Pighast]

Remember when Jon played video games

[u/mizterPatato]

Shine on you crazy diamond I was just about to post it.