How to know your relationship is over?

hey guys he's here the question is how do you know your relationship is over now the first thing you have to ask yourself is how many chances have we given this relationship if you are on chance number three or chance number four that is the first sign that your relationship is most likely over now and the reason why is because as human beings we know how to learn and how to adapt so if I show you how to shoot a video on this phone and how to upload it to YouTube it doesn't take me showing you that 9 or 10 times if you yell at me and I tell you listen if you want to talk to me don't yell at me all you need to hear that is one time if you do that again I can give you the benefit of the doubt and say it will disperse a moment you made a mistake if you do that a third time now I can say you don't respect me you don't respect my wishes you don't respect my needs and you are blatantly disrespecting me because I've already told you do not yell at me in communication so when you are on chance number three chance number four that is a clear sign that somebody or both of you are not respecting the other person now factor number two to think about is how long has it been so if it's only been one year and it's a struggle and you know you have some ups and downs and you just you aren't 100% sure there's some power struggles going on meaning that you want your partner to serve you your partner wants you to serve them and you kind of just you know bumping heads if it's under a year that's normal and to be honest with you if it's still within years that's still pretty normal now when you enter into the territory of four plus years and it's still just a lot of turmoil it's a lot of arguing it's a lot of crying it's still break up to make up that is a clear indication that your relationship is over now understand this with everything that I say on every video you watch there are exceptions to the rule guess what people have driven 90 miles an hour on a road went off the road hit a tree and lived that is an exception to the rule so this what I want you to understand when you're thinking about your uncle's relationship your aunt's relationship the the one girl you know the one guy you know and you're hanging on and you're you're hanging on this relationship well I know somebody that they broke up and they were struggling for ten years and then in year 11 they got married they got married congratulations you know give it give them a cookie you you want to give car at Starbucks here you go but that is an exception to the rule do not kill yourself trying to copy an exception to the rule so understand if it has been years how long does it take a baby to learn how to talk some of you babies start at nine months but definitely a lot of times between 12 and 24 months on average is 12 months around that 12 months baby starting say the first few words how long does it take a baby to learn how to walk I want you to think about these things to understand that you're dealing with an adult it doesn't take an adult five years to learn how to love you it doesn't take an adult five year to learn that you're not supposed to cheat in a relationship it doesn't take five years to learn that you're not supposed to yell at someone cursed at someone you know called them out of their name talk down to people manipulate people deceive people use people you know drag someone's heart through the mud it does not take five years to learn that so understand that now the third fact of what you want to think about is effort so how much effort is being put into the love and what I mean by this is is your partner or you if you're the one that you're on the outs are you really trying our use do you still have sparks of greatness meaning doing the things that you did in that first six to twelve months to win this person's heart are you still using terms of endearment are you still dating going on dates are you still trying to talk and communicate and get to know one another and listen to one another without always arguing what is the effort where is the effort how much effort is being put into the relationship so what happens is there's a lot of situations where somebody gets complacent somebody gets complacent and and this doesn't always mean that it's over it does mean that you need to check under the hood and that you need to have a conversation to remind each other that a relationship is a job that you cannot retire from you have to show up every day and do the work so what happens is sometimes we get complacent and what I mean by this is let's I'll say myself for example I've been married 12 years so when I was trying to get my wife I would do spontaneous things like go over to her apartment and I'm there or and we're hanging out and then she leaves to go pick something up like go grab some food when she comes back I would have three by five cards laid out from the door all the way up you know to the room and each car says something else sweet you know something that I like about her or love about her or think about her and it leads her to a rose or I would be out and I would just come home with with the rolls in her favorite candy or a favorite dream and that's what I mean the effort so today 12 years in marriage what that looks like is I'm sitting on my phone and I get a notification from this app and they just released something new and it may be as simple as a t-shirt like this my wife she loves t-shirts you know just she wears t-shirts to drop off the kids in the morning so I bought her a couple of t-shirts and but it was nice you know nicer t-shirt designer t-shirt this is a Walmart t-shirt isn't that not that nice it was a you know a nice t-shirt I bought a black one and a white one she warmed in like the first two weeks she had warm like two times each and she was like oh I love these t-shirt so what did I do I went back on and I bought a - more tea service and now this same brand they had to sweat our God of the sweater I used that as an example just so you can paint a picture to say where is the effort and it's not just about money it's not about money it's also about physical touch you know are you still planning each other's hair massaging each other's back holding hands do you still have long conversations when I met my wife we would talk for hours at a time now still today if I'm out of town and we get on the phone we can talk two hours minimum I mean that it flies by but we still can talk for hours last night my wife was really tired and she was talking to see like I could talk to you all night you know I need to go to bed and that's what I mean if it has really trailed off its died off and you just feel like man this nothing is this is the same like there's no effort like we're not dating we're not you know really making love when I say making love I'm not just talking sexual but I mean building communicating getting to know each other still so think about these things and go through the list and really evaluate now the fourth factor what I would say is if you are on and off again and so what I mean is if you have to keep taking breaks so if every three months to six months one of you need a break even if that's a two-week break a one-week break a two-month break I've literally coached people who said look I have been on and off for eight years ten years five years is a common number between five and eight years very common numbers and I'm like that's not a relationship because you should not want extended breaks out of frustration tonight I'm going to a basketball game by myself it's the middle of the week I have clients playing in the game so I'm going to this NBA game my wife can't go because my son has practice and so I'm going by myself I got a drive to the arena it's gonna be about two hours that's me time I get the thing that is a break from the world you need me time but don't confuse that me time with a break from your partner for two weeks and you know or more out of frustration and anger because y'all keep bumping heads arguing that's totally different so if that keeps happening that is a huge sign that on-again-off-again the fifth factor is abuse if there's any form of abuse that is present in your relationship and you have addressed this abuse and this abuse happen again and it continues to happen even if the abuse is spaced out over time like your partner goes a year without this abuse but then gets back on it your relationship is over because your partner does not respect you and your partner is not in love with you and there's a difference between love and in love and I have a video on here you may have to go to my videos and search it or just scroll through them and watch that video on difference between love and in love so any form of abuse and this can be social abuse which is a you know making fun of you in front of your friends and family online posting stuff that is one-sided like a meme or a cold and then everybody in the comments agreeing with your partner and it's really beating you up because it's his or her point that they're trying to make it can be social abuse it can be financial abuse meaning either controlling your money borrowing your money using your money taking your money living off of you or telling you what you can and can't do with your money putting you on some type of unrealistic sitting money situation budget or loans or whatever it may be it can be emotional abuse which can come from cheating or just emotional mind games mind tricks manipulation deception coercion all of those things and it can be verbal abuse so cursing at you saying nasty mean things to you you're not this you're not that you're less than this you're less than that you ought to do this you ought to do that and you know verbally attacking you and to where it affects your self-esteem and you feel bad about yourself if it's about your weight if it's about your looks if it's about your money your job your income whatever it is verbal abuse is off the table it can not be a part of relationship and then also physical abuse which you know it happens is it's becoming it's still happening a lot it's not showing up as much just because of the camera phones and the pictures and people getting caught on camera it's not that prevalent as it once was before all the social media and camera but it is still happening at one point it was every nine seconds a woman is being abused but I believe that's across the whole you know country so but physical abuse in any form punching you in a tie punching you in the arm pinching you pushing you choking you slapping you it doesn't have to be a closed fist black eye any form of physical abuse pulling your hair yanking your ear pinching your thigh pinching your arm pinching you under any form of physical abuse the where pain is inflicted upon you for the purpose of retaliation or teaching you a lesson or getting your attention or out of anger or frustration from your partner that is abuse and it's unacceptable so hey I believe I went through five factors I don't I don't have this written down I'm not editor on the videos I wish I could've had it pop up to the screen and do all of that but hey I don't have that kind of time god bless you go back through it maybe there's somebody listening you could type up the five factors in the comments and y'all can you know see that and now if I see it I'll pin it to the top thank you so much god bless you we'll talk soon

Channel: Tony Gaskins

Views: 145,852

Rating: 4.9381289 out of 5

Keywords:

Id: S2wHud1Q7mY

Length: 14min 14sec (854 seconds)

Published: Wed Oct 23 2019