How Did You Accidentally Prove You're Cool?

how did you accidentally prove your cool my first bartending shift ever i picked up a fairly expensive bottle of petrona niejo it slipped from my hand i held out my foot to slow the fall of the bottle and the bottle ended up resting on my outstretched foot completely unharmed the one customer that was there saw the whole thing and freaked out thinking i've been bartending for decades i've never felt prouder of my reflexes i was rolling last saturday night out at the bars and i heard someone screaming inside this cookie restaurant at like 2 am so i drunkenly ran in because from the window it looked like an old friend of mine and i thought maybe something was wrong i get inside and decide i want to surprise him by running up and aggressively hugging him from behind so i wrap my arms around him and scream guess who mother effort and all of a sudden the few other people in this cookie shop run over and tackle us to the ground i'm beyond f'ed up so i just lay there with my arms locked around my friend while people are on top of us someone then shouts i got his gun yep not only was this guy not my friend but he was in fact robbing this place i had just drunkenly stopped a napping robbery apparently when i hugged him and shouted guess who he got so scared that he dropped his gun allowing the other people to rush in and subdue him i scored a goal in a soccer game i'm lousy at sports always have been but in 7th grade i signed up for a lunch break soccer tournament as expected i was awful all i could do was run around and get in the way of the opposing team but one day i was near the goal defended by the other team while nearly all the other players were heading back to the other end of the field one of my teammates kicked the ball hard in my direction someone yelled my name i saw the ball i put up my hands to block it remember that hands aren't allowed in soccer and ducked the ball hit my head and bounced straight toward and into the goal much to everyone's utter amazement we won that game i never played soccer again talked to six police officers on acid i forgot to take an acid and they seemed friendly so i approached them and asked them if i could really only get to the train station using the escalator because my dog hates those one of the officers started asking me questions about the dog but it was my friend's dog and i'm not a big dog person so i didn't know thankfully that wasn't at all suspicious to them and they explained the obvious to me that it wasn't possible to get to the station without the escalator duh when the dog and i got to the top of the stairs it finally dawned on me that i just talked to a crap ton of officers on acid voluntarily and i felt badass and also open-minded as i'm not from a police-friendly community i was also very happy that the police officers had been so nice to me in high school i walked by two kids in the hallway kid one playfully threw a water bottle at kid 2's back just as we passed each other the bottle bounced off and i caught it with my hand without looking or even turning my head and i just had a blank nonchalant expression as i did that i handed it back to them with a poker face like a boss i stopped a lady at a crosswalk because her underwear was hanging out of the back of the skirt she stepped back off the crosswalk and about two seconds later a vehicle making a turn left at high speeds smashed into parked cars right next to where she would have been standing she would have been dead i had headphones in walking downtown a busy street and the kid almost hit me with his bike coming down the driveway so i stopped the bike by the handlebars the mom came running down the driveway and i was thinking oh great a karen after taking my headphones out she thanked me in a panic for stopping her son from flying into the street as a car passed by i never noticed it drive by we were playing a game of dodgeball and since there were too many people on the benches the coach decided to add a rule anyone who can throw the ball directly into the basketball hoop can immediately deliver everyone i had one of the balls in hand when he said that and the moment he signaled the game to continue i threw the ball randomly because i have the worst aim ever and somehow it went straight in i never managed to pull it off a second time but i rode that high out for the rest of the year waitressing in college i was carrying a huge tray of dirty dishes from the dining room to the kitchen down a little hallway i slipped on some water went down hard on my butt but managed to keep the tray perfectly level and didn't spill a thing not a major achievement but kept me from having to clean for the next half hour i hit my mate in the nutsack with a tennis ball from across the football field once accidentally corrected the skid when i lost control of my car on an icy road i hit my brakes too hard and noticed my car started to drift to the left instinctively i let off the gas and turned my steering wheel left into the drift and my car went back to driving in a straight line i accidentally caught an interception in high school and scored a touchdown i was just as surprised to catch it as everyone else since i was just crossing over and the next thing i know i see the football flying over me i instinctually reached up and caught it and the only thing in my head at that point was run so i booked it and got a 60 yard touchdown accidentally did a full 360 in my car while driving down an icy road in the winter nearly shot myself while watching the telephone pole getting closer but i saved the spin and kept driving along like i meant to do it i was a lifeguard on the ocean i was having a pretty bad day and on top of it my lunch was postponed an hour i headed up the beach to the nearest hotel to eat as i was leaving the restaurant i heard a crowd of people screaming near the pool as i came down the stairs towards i saw a young child floating face down in the water i immediately pulled the kid out and gave rescue breathing until the emt could arrive the next day the parents walked down to my stand to thank me they were originally told by their doctors they couldn't have children but a few years later were blessed with this young boy their only child the mother told me i was their guardian angel that day i'm not a very religious person but this story still gives me goosebumps knowing that i was the right person in the right place at the right time for that boy i started off angry about my lunchtime change but this was the outcome my dad accidentally had the best acid trip of his life at a grateful dead concert i'm old my dad's old this happened way back at age 18 my dad had to wear a body cast due to surgery for his scoliosis his buddies heard of a grateful dead concert a couple towns over in california and they invited him along my dad was laid flat in the back of an old studebaker station wagon for the ride when they arrived my dad's buddies asked him to hide their hits of paper acid in his body cast so they could be discreet since all of them had been arrested for possession prior my dad obliged and all was going well for a bit once the grateful dead started playing my dad was dancing around best he could and began to sweat cue the paper acid being absorbed into his system and suddenly he is tripping balls at a once in a lifetime concert my ex told me a story about this one guy at the mall in her hometown according to her this guy was a dealer and one day he had a ton of acid strapped to his body he was dealing in the mall he got stopped by a couple officers and tried to run because of sweat he absorbed all that acid and from that day forward he thought he was an orange julius a store at the mall at the same time sold these drinks he would freak out if people knocked him over which jerks would do just to freak him out no idea of the validity of the story just how it was told to me i saved my friend's life and maybe doomed her cousin to death instead okay so this was the late 70s my friend and next door neighbor and i were maybe four or five at the time she had family visiting at the time and the visiting family left their two or three year old son out to play with us in the front yard for the sake of brevity i'll just say we were five and the sun was three yep you heard correctly they left their three-year-old to be watched over by a pair of five-year-olds this was back in the days when lawn darts were a kid's toy and there were no mandatory seat belts etc so my friend and i were being five-year-olds playing around and not watching her little cousin as closely as we should have been suddenly i see her little cousin clad in nothing but a diaper walk out into the street just as a pickup truck comes roaring down the road i started screaming for him to come back my friend then alerted to what was going on bolted into the street to fetch her cousin i purely instinctively lurched forward and grabbed her dress and pulled on her but only slowing her down as she got past the point of the parked cars the truck hit her cousin killing him instantly just a few feet in front of us her family heard us screaming and ran outside to see their son lying dead in the roadway that is the first time i ever heard the banshee whale of a parent that had lost a child that sound it's not a scream it is a sound so much more visceral soul crushing and terrifying than any sound you can consciously make i watched the boy's father cradling his son's body in the roadway like the dramatic death scenes you see in movies some seriously effed up stuff for a pair of five-year-olds to experience i don't know how i am not more f-dub than i am so by pulling on my friend's dress i may have well prevented two deaths that day on the other hand she might have been able to snatch her cousin away to safety at the last second i still don't know which it is four decades later and it haunts me it's tough just to ride slash relive this especially since i had kids of my own those memories have taken on a whole other meaning moral of the story is always watch your kids kids do not know danger when it's near them thanks for supporting ask planet [Music] you

Channel: Ask Planet

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Keywords: ask planet, ask planet awesome moments, How Did You Accidentally Prove You're Cool, radio tts, updoot, toad films, funny story, have you ever, ask planet cool kids, ask planet proud moment, ask planet how did I do that, how did they, do that, how did I, accidentally became cool, Ask Planet accidentally became cool, saved their life, ask planet you saved my life, ask planet zero to hero, becoming a somebody, ask planet you're my hero, cool kids, accidentally famous, rad, cool

Id: kVj5CDZgIn8

Length: 9min 51sec (591 seconds)

Published: Mon Sep 14 2020