Horrible Histories - Simon Farnaby's Best Bits | Compilation

[Music] squadron either he can't accommodate leader we meet again hey have we met before no I just like the very sound when I say that I'm coming down Klinsmann the new head of this prisoner of war camp and I hope you enjoyed your brief taste of freedom your 23rd escape because it will be your last oh dear I have positioned additional guards here here and here making escape virtually impossible where did he go but he's done it again send 100 troops to find squadron cancel that against a comma dot ah Squadron Leader we meet again are we not counting just now shut up don't think I don't know what your game is here you British officers are under orders to keep trying to escape which means that our German soldiers spent all of their time chasing you down rather than fighting this war but not anymore I'm in charge here now and you will find that I have eyes in the back of my head now where did he go what send 300 soldiers to find Squadron Leader cancel debts Squadron Leader Higgins heck of a thought so we meet again don't say that I say that you you give me one good reason why I shouldn't just shoot you right here on the spot because the Geneva Convention means you can't shoot officers yes got about that yes I see you would like to get hold of my keys yes but let me tell you something I'm afraid there are two things in this world that will never happen one you will never win this war and two you will never get your hands my keys say a bunch of all we have surrendered every man for himself right this one's for the front door by DZ this one's for the back gate now it's a little bit sticky you guys have to back me up okay yes we're right behind you [Music] yes good morning sir we were just wondering I was just wondering if possibly we would like a pay rise I'm sorry I thought you just said you wanted a pay rise I did we want more money and better working conditions is this some sort of peasant joke that I'm too rich to understand no no it's just thanks to this terrible plague sweeping the country as peasants are dropping like flies those of us who are left are getting quite valuable valuable indeed what rubbish really some some of us have had some rather tempting offers from other local Knights in the area so now you listen to me you grubby little commoner you'll work my fields for pittance and you'll be thankful otherwise I'll throw you off my land and give your job to what's that one called that's hell Phil your job will go to Phil got it hmmm maybe not feel it's just died of plague otherwise I'll give your job to I want to say Raja I'll give your job to Raja understood it's like I was telling you healthy reliable peasants are increasingly hard to find how Crone is what this man says true I'll take that as a yes so would now be a good time to start discussing the new terms of my employment okay fine but you better not go dropping dead of plague after this oh no sir you don't need to worry about me I'm as fit as it's absolutely typical well luckily for you lot I know my way around a free pointy stick woody kidding myself no idea what this is called I know what it's for there who needs peasants this is mr. and mrs. miserable the deeply religious Puritan family from Norwich and they're doing a wife swap with mr. and mrs. Mary the party mad restoration family from London the Puritan family want to ban parties and the restoration family want to party all the time I wonder how they'll get on oh hi hi hello pleased to meet you I'm mr. merry call me Jamie and you are mrs. miserable Oh surely have a first name you know we're very informal here yes I do it's fight the good fight of faith wholesome Puritan name mrs. miserable it is then so did things get off to a better start in the Puritan household how do you do hi mrs. Mary Jeanne Marie you must be mr. miserable yes well let's get to know each other a bit better I've just got my first part as an actress in a Restoration comedy acting is sinful you should be whipped and put in the stocks okay so far so good truly these are terrible times like I can't believe they brought back theater after we Puritans ban dict I mean next thing you know they'll be bringing back Christmas hello adorable baby well what's her name silence no silence is her name oh I see sorry her full name is silence discipline search the scriptures my husband chosen yeah obviously you would have chosen something bit less gloomy well yes I wanted to call her if Christ had not died thou has been damned after my mother perhaps silence is the way forward a terrible ungodly man since Parliament decided to restore the monarchy England has gone to wrack and ruin missus missus needs to lighten up a bit catch up on all the fun she's missing him Oliver Cromwell's dead Puritanism is history hooray for charles ii you know the restorations here party on and things aren't going much better for Mrs Mary sorry what's this dinner mr. merry has laid on a party for his honored guests [Music] not enjoying the music misses live music is sinful don't build a fancy dance then dancing is sinful Brittney's let me get you a drink drinking is sinful yes lady what do you do for fun then fun is sinful it's time for the Puritan family and the restoration family to settle their differences Oh King Charles the second betta a curse on your restored monarchy yeah a curse on your so-called restoration your sinful ways are an abomination and those bitching shall burn in hell um you you like telling people off don't you well yes we do and that was fun wasn't it yes yes I'm just mommy isn't fun sinful you see oh you're gonna burn in hell because your legs are beautiful because your skin is beautiful because you're worth it we're ladies tights beneath your kilt hang on that's a man that's right Scottish soldiers always wear lady states in the trenches for one it keeps you nice and warm and for two you didn't want bare legs if there's a gas attack here's the expensive graphic he better in tests ladies tights have been proven to stop up to 90% of the damage enemy gas attacks caused two naked legs so now whatever the Germans throw at you you can wear your kilt with confidence new ladies tights for men because in the trenches a man's best friend is his ladies tights though they don't have fry it up a bit oh he was the vicious arrogant Norman Duke who would one day rule England or any good I like England apart from the weather oh and the food and the people she was the beautiful granddaughter of the French King grandpa can I have a pony yes of a hundred ponies and when William asked for her hand in marriage there was only ever going to be one answer no way I'm Way too posh for that stinky JIT William I'm gonna marry like a prince or something but William wouldn't take no for an answer he set off on a journey to win the heart of the beautiful princess stand up I am standing up well you're very small yeah I'm like full full what do you want I want you to marry me I will never marry you we'll see about that Duke William used all his charm to make Matilda fall in love with him marry me marry me marry me okay hang on a minute what was all that about Oh look all that you pulling her hair and pushing her in the mud and stuff well it's just what happened she said no so I pulled a hair and then I pushed her in the mud then but you can't do that yeah yeah I know actually you do not to be a really good husband yeah we were together thirty years we had 11 beautiful children yeah but it's kind of but i ah forget it so we're were we coming soon to a cinema near you mud and Matilda a tale of loving and shoving so my bad waited unreasonable hail Caligula and proof Rome ah Josephus who Amari Caligula no I'm the famous Greek general Alexander the Great this is his real arm and everything I had them dig up his grave so I could wear it look a woman sent to help you with this speech we're a little concerned you might come over a bit crazy Caligula crazy I'm not crazy I just have a great sense of humor did you hear about the sacrifice of the Bulls the other day yes you hid the priest with the hammer and sacrificed him instead oh that's still funny so anyway what's wrong with the speech well take the beginning ah yes my big opening I only have to nod and all your throats will be cut right how about starting with hello hello Rome is the city of necks waiting for me to job yeah yeah it's good how about hello it's great to be here in Rome what a city mmm so you'd lose the whole chopping next thing completely I wouldn't start with it you liked it didn't you were me yes I did I never mind how about if I just say hello it's great to be here in Rome what is city thank you all for coming they might not think I'm crazy yeah by the way what is the occasion oh I'm making my dear friend in citator sir console well there's nothing crazy about that he is my favorite horse [Music] [Music] indeed your majesty soundly the journey from York to London is many many English miles and well I could only just set up London miles excuse me since we are heading to London only Her Majesty would like the distance in what's the difference well the English mile is a rather confusing six thousand six hundred and ten yards whereas a more refined London mile is a nice round five thousand counts of course both have vastly preferable to the rather stingy Irish mile we had two thousand two hundred and Katya why not use a good old Welsh mile so whopping seven thousand nine hundred yards no means fewer miles overall it's the journey seemed a lot shorter I remember I did a walking trip in Scottish miles once 1976 yeah indeed seemed to go on forever they're all like no Tony a few more miles and I was well that English mouth London miles well smiles or Irish miles they were like well depends if you mean London yards well shard Scottish yard from now on one mile for everyone pick a number between one and ten one seven six from now on one mile will pay one thousand seven hundred and sixty yards distinguish yards normal English yards understood yes yes how many miles is it to London [Music] and you wonder why I had cut so many heads off with agate that's not too much poor eager chefs for historical eras but just one prize who will be crowned historical master chef I like eating nice food and so do I one-eyed Bart became ship's cook onboard pirate vessel the black pig after he lost his arm he could no longer climb the rigging or fight in battles I like to think of it as not so much losing a hand as gaining a utensil mom lost it to a Cutlass so I did like your eye I know that was my fault I got an itch in it and forgot about the hand for his first course Bart has prepared a traditional pirate soup will be no frills presentation is certainly original what sort of meat is it exactly this total carny title I'll show you care man they're the best type of food for a long voyage you just flipped someone at the back said I can't you know scamper away and then you've got all the fresh meat you want aren't they endangered they all went all around for his main course Bart has prepared a spicy pirates gym it's called salmagundi begin first digging unusual taste combination what's in it got your pork your chicken your donkey pigeon are you whale you see girl you'd old thing I wonder where he got to yeah we just keeps us to pulling away from where the voyage and throwing any meets we lay our reins up do you mean to tell me that some other meeting there has been stewing away for weeks no no mum Oh John get me some more taste that we get some water please what are you what are you doing [ __ ] what are you doing oh well when you run out of water aboard a pirate ship it's drink we Ord I mind you some of my shipmates drank me and died and some went man who not me that I'm not gonna drink your way mate does this mean of no go through but not in a million billion years have you got congratulations you are through to the next round well done good morning your majesty not so loud so they'd be pleased I had a rather major unbirthday party last night anyway what's in the diary for today well Sam hmm I'm pleased to report that the man who tried to steal the crown jewels has been caught I thought you might like to sentence him yourself you mean I get to play judge sounds like fun do I get a week you already have a week you understand so I have send him in bring in the prisoner are you Colonel Thomas blood indeed I am sir the probe mastermind behind a crime of such dastardly daring as a truly pathetic King oh he's very impressive you're very impressive aren't you thank you your majesty let's not forget he's also a violent criminal your majesty it was Colonel blood who attempted to steal your crown jewels from the Tower of London the gallant attempted was to the perfect crime in all but one detail which is it didn't work how so what happened well we managed to subdue the master of the jewel house without a problem by subdue you mean we hit him on the head with a mallet yes that'll do it indeed and then we grab the jewels hidden beneath her clothes and made for our escape however it turns out that the master of the jewel house was not adequately subdued meaning we didn't hit him hard enough it's hard screaming treason treason within minutes we're all wow how exciting but tell me how did you hide the entire crown jewels underneath your clothing we had to make a few alterations alterations well that's the crown there for example but a flat enough hold a little bit with a mallet is it scepter and a cross that's the other half there had to cut that antutu get it in the bag you follow and the sovereign orb is it's a little bit dented oh and probably a little bit sweaty you've destroyed my crown jewels that's punishable by death they're worth over 100,000 pounds well what do you have to save yourself man and I'll give you six thousand for the lot not a penny more oh how can you stay mad at someone who's so funny in fact what well he's a character isn't he's a loveable rogue yes I'm going to let you off no thank you your majesty and give you your own estate in Ireland what yes a nice big one and what else oh you must come round to the palace for tea your majesty you can regale us with your funny stories I've got a fantastic one about the time I was plotting to kill you did you succeed no no don't tell me I'll wait until you come round off you pop head see you soon not if I see you first oh he's got it I don't know what it is but he's got it I love him your majesty do you really think it's a good idea to give large country estates to people purely because they make you laugh I don't see why not knock-knock not gonna work others [Music] straight welcome to Horrible Histories

Channel: Horrible Histories

Views: 207,710

Rating: 4.9659233 out of 5

Keywords: horrible histories, horrible histories full episodes, horrible histories movie, horrible histories trailer, horrible histories tv show, horrible histories episodes, horrible history, cbbc, horrible histories episodes in english, horrible histories songs, cbbc history, rotten romans, terrible tudors, slimy stuarts, vicious vikings, awful egyptians, history for kids, tv show for kids, simon farnaby, mathew bayton, caligular

Id: MfRDlmYjtcE

Length: 22min 11sec (1331 seconds)

Published: Thu Nov 28 2019