Half in the Bag: Episode 90 - Terminator: Genisys

half in the bag get this shut off my cabinet hello and welcome to half in the bag i'm jay and i might and we just saw terminator tales from genesis space that's right Jay the 1984 John sent you to it no longer exists I was so wrong Oh John John sent me here to save you from the Terminator that was sent back to create a terminator the age of Ultron will only be in theaters for about a week so see it while you can that is before Joe Dirt 2 knocks it out of its ninth place in the box office Joe Dirt 2 isn't even being released in theaters it's a Netflix in the Terminator fans rejoice Arnold is back in the iconic role that made him famous The Terminator away I guess he was also back in Terminator 3 rise of the machines so he's back again wow he really meant it when he said I'll be getting divorced for [ __ ] my elderly Puerto Rican cleaning lady in this new film Arnold plays old Terminator who was sent back in time to protect a nine year-old Sarah Connor for some reason but not before the other Terminator was sent back in time but not before Kyle Reese a Chinese t1000 and a dog named Einstein were also sent back in time in this alternate timeline Sarah Connor played by someone terrible is driving around with guns her whole life waiting for action scenes to happen then Kyle Reese shows up and together everyone pointlessly shoots guns at a guy who's made of some kind of digital metal or some J what did you think of the Terminator age of Ultron oh man as far as franchise reboots that are completely driven by nostalgia and recreating scenes we've seen in previous movies Jurassic world's looking so much better right now it's my dark Theater movie starts and I start to see things that I recognize this movie is terrible it's it's watchable it's not like I wasn't like angry in the theater I was just sort of baffled and and laughing a lot and how the key word for this movie is convoluted I will probably say it a million times in this discussion needlessly convoluted that's good yeah I also I have the same feelings on it I didn't hate it it was watchable really impressive visual effects sometimes almost all the time I mean I the the digital aren't obliterate for a digital Arnold it suffers from what they all that I'm whenever they try and do that there's that uncanny valley effect where you're like something's not right sure but it was 98% there for me oh sure five percent I noticed there was like the the recreation of the first movie where he stands up and there's like a tighter shot of his face that really tight shot of his face looked great mmm-hmm whenever he talked it looked weird but when he was just standing there silently like that looked really good I look at each of you and I see the marks of this long and terrible war we fight the opening and the first almost the first act I really liked when they recreated like they show Judgment Day happening and they showed some of the battle stuff and then the whole like lead up to we found where the time machine is and kind of the whole bit Kyle Reese backstory which we never got to see we get to see finally done I think it's around the time Arnold shows up that the movie goes off the rails which Arnold the real elderly Arnold old Arnold okay oh well middle-aged Arnold because they go to 1984 first and I think they did some kind of digital Miss on his face they they opened up a computer and they scooped out computer stuff and smeared it on his face because he looked noticeably younger I did not kill him and in the 1984 timeline I was like oh don't you oral doesn't look that bad and I think they did what they did to like Patrick Stewart knee and Miquelon and the third x-men were they didn't notice that they smear computer stuff on all over their face I noticed a he I was like he looks good and then it was a oh that's a real they smear Vaseline on the computers yeah yeah they they come in and manually like q-tip Vaseline on everyone's eyeballs in every theater okay just squint he doesn't look that old burning your clothes give them to me now you won't be needing any clothes I've been waiting for you if felt like a terminator fan film like now the t1000 shows up and and he's in 1984 parties in the department store with Kyle Reese and he has to fight the t1000 and it felt like a fan film and I was like okay you know if you like terminator things you're gonna enjoy this from like a a completely mindless like Batman vs. predator kind of way where there's no real stakes or plot or anything like that or no emotional investment isn't it neat to see these Batman fight the predator and this t1000 is also dressed as a cop because reference I'll be back what and I start to see things I recognize what well we're gonna say spoilers now but you should know that you have already had the movie spoiled if you've seen the trailer yes so it's entire movie yeah and spoilers will actually be helpful because we're gonna try and break down the plot so if you have not seen the movie watch this whole review you might enjoy the movie more by listening to us trying and make sense of it because then you'll have some like it's like studying for a test oh sure it's like this is like the the Cliff Notes version of the film where it's like oh okay now I understand Romeo and Juliet that's what's happening yeah so Mike do you want to try and break this down best of the worst style where we just kind of go through the movie cuz this this entire movie is just a non-stop barrage of what what but J on best of the worst we only watch terrible movies let's start at the beginning the Terminator 1984 James Cameron's original film yes the the nostalgic and quaint it's a very simple tale it's such a simple streamlined great story it's a very simple causality loop but then and and really the the whole backstory of Skynet and robots coming to life and taking over the planet is just a framework to hang-hang this little action movie on but now that's come its own mythos and logic of four we've had five Terminator movies and four of them have had the exact same story yeah the second one it's like the second one was was really good but once they they said oh also who which I loved the t1000 once they said oh also there's a new Terminator who's coming back in time his name's it's you 1000 that's what it's like it's starting to fall over the line but but there's this overall theme of which is I think it's irritating it's starting to remind me of the Matrix movies now there's this overall overall theme of the sky no matter what you do Skynet will happen Judgment Day will happen yes like it's inevitable and it's almost like becoming like like a chore and pointless when you look at this movie it really feels like a bunch of people in a writers room going what can we do to save this franchise what can we do to make this work so so to put an elderly Arnold Schwarzenegger in this movie they came up with a hackneyed reason why's there it's at some point of the future in some timeline a liquid Terminator was sent back to when Sarah Connor was 9 and Arnold was sent back to protect her from the liquid Terminator because that's what always happens every time and since then Arnold raised her and we wondered who sent Arnold back and the state of California was ok with this this whole like adopted parent sure yeah why not oh she even calls him pops but I was thinking like okay who sent him back and Kyle Reese is wondering the same thing and Arnold just goes that's classified and the rest of the movie I was thinking okay well we're gonna come back to this we're gonna learn we never learn I hope you forget by them they hope you just forget it's basically the lazy writers way of getting out of explain why anything in this movie is happening my guess is they have no [ __ ] clue and those they say if there's a sequel we'll figure it out later so Kyle Reese sent back in time he discovers he's in an alternate timeline he runs into the department store just like the first movie he's being chased by the t-80 1000 who's also in a cop uniform for no reason and then Sarah Connor bursts through the door and it's not the Terminator one Sarah Connor it's badass tuff Sarah Connor badass tough Sarah Connor who's played by someone from Game of Thrones who looks like a little kid and acts horribly and has nothing on Linda Hamilton and she says come with me if you want to live because reference yes and they had been waiting 17 years for calories to show up be out there three hours late well can we get into Genesis which is this was another writers room brainstorm what's what's going on in 2017 what's going on the future everyone has iPhones and iPads everyone's connected technologically instead of Skynet being a military thing it's an operating system you know it's an operating system control everyone that way cuz the Tomic weapons are so 1980 I gotta say like they're making front of it but that's the only interesting idea in the entire but what was it gonna do it was they say Skynet are just an operating system cause of nuclear war Genesis is a Trojan horse for Skynet is what they say what that means I don't know but that's what they say what does it have to do with everyone's iPhones but it's they're gonna update their operating system to Genesis and when that happens Skynet takes over Skynet can take over all the [ __ ] it wants I could control everyone's iPads and smart TVs and iPhones and Samsung Galaxy six and your little thing in your car and your GPS and your eye watch remember Apple watches what a hit no those are great but until they have the power to to launch ICBMs all over the planet there really isn't a Judgment Day so I didn't get the connection between your phone and and the the [ __ ] NORAD launching nukes maybe the robots plan to take over the planet without like nuking everything maybe they don't want to live in a post-apocalyptic junkyard but based on the movie that's what happened this thing yeah you're right it doesn't make any [ __ ] sense so oh well okay so right after Kyle Reese goes in the time bubble and go travels back in time a man who is not Ultron but who is not the Borg who is not the Phalanx who is not any of these things put this hand on John Connor and says you're coming with me it's it's Doctor Who that's who that actor was dr. who exactly I feel like the franchise has been reinvigorated like this is a Renaissance the there is now a living embodiment of Skynet Agent Smith oh wait that's the Matrix films this wasn't ripped off from that oh he shows up any he grabs John Connor and converts them into something zombie robot John Connor zombie it's not really CI watching the trailer I thought John Connor has been turned into a terminator they're gonna like get that technology out of him somehow and they're gonna save him and he's gonna still be a good guy but it wasn't John Connor was John Connor dead it was just like a robot John Connors dead by the end of the movie yeah I guess anyway instead of making him the most indestructible [ __ ] Terminator in my opinion is liquid metal guy but this guy he's made of something where his weakness is magnets well magnets how do they work I don't know how they work but they're everywhere yes he gets stuck to an MRI machine an MRI machine almost kills him so I was expecting them to end up in a junkyard and our own to be driving one of those like oh yeah it wasn't great I would have been great maybe we should have wrote this movie instead of a bunch of soulless corporate hacks I mean screenwriter name here well that's the only like whenever every Terminator movie now it's like the only thing that constitutes like a creative new idea is just having a new type of Terminator the second movie introduces the liquid metal Terminator the third movie introduces the robot with liquid metal over it which seems counter like like a step backwards and then this movie magnet robot digital magnet computerized matrix robot yes well when a hologram doctor who puts his hand over your mouth that transforms you into a robot so it's kind of like that that new movie pixels oh wait the the Pac Man Bites you in your hands in the picture yeah I see people were transforming the pixels like an infection they'll have a time machine oh yeah they also invented it they built a time machine in 1984 [ __ ] I'm Bill and Ted use their time machine much more efficiently well I guess the idea is that the Terminator the protector of Sarah Connor pops knows how to build the time machine because a robot that's built for combat is also equipped with that information it turned out to be very fortunate for our heroes though yes because in 1984 terminator built a time machine and Sarah Connor and Kyle Reese are preparing to get into the time machine and then they take off their clothes because you have to be nude in the time machine and we get Kyle Reese looking at a silhouette of Sarah Connor and it looks like [ __ ] cartoon of her undressing looks like Jessica Rabbit it's like a complete silhouette like a spotlight silhouette like a cartoon so yeah Cyberdyne Genesis whatever it is now is conveniently built a time machine in the same room is a liquid metal VAT as making robot people but they can't run because the old Arnold says something about they don't have CPUs or something like that and then he sacrifices himself with robot zombie John Connor and the time machine causes John Connor to but that shoots old Terminator out into the VAT of liquid metal so now he's upgraded he's now liquid metal Arnold so Kyle Reese and Sarah Connor getting the time machine to travel to 2017 Arnold cannot go with them because his skin has been burnt off and so he's a robot so he says I'll meet you there wait stop oh my god okay I've seen plenty of star Trak or shows like that you watch Star Trek I have watched Star Trek this is the first I'm hearing it was the show that takes place aboard the Star Trek Enterprise with dr. Spock where they there's these convoluted time time travel shows right we got to go back here to stop this and that and that and then there's all sorts of things in it's butterfly effects causality loops you kill your grandparents paradoxes paradoxes whatever but at the core it doesn't matter like okay this doesn't make sense this year this time period this timeline doesn't converge a bubble bubble as long as there is a heart to the story is there a heart to this story no and that's the main problem no the heart of this movie is you remember the Terminator I guess the point I'm trying to make is they even stole the humanity and the heart from the other movies they borrowed their plot lines in this the only thing I can I could figure out is that we're supposed to care that young Sarah Connor has this father relationship with pops and that she loves him and we're also supposed to think Kyle Reese and Sarah Connor loved each other well they're supposed to follow and I suppose the phone and now they know they're supposed to fall in love so this conflict of and then they just do with even though those two actors have zero chemistry and they both kind of suck yeah you actually felt something in the second one like the John Connor T Terminator connection like there's a little sad you know the dududududu you know hello corny but but it was said you liked the Terminator in number two and then in number one you felt the connection and the romance between Sarah Connor and this there it's just like it's like these actors are like blank slates they're like the digital Terminator like this girl kind of looks like young Linda Hamilton this guy doesn't look anything like Michael Biehn but let's just put him in the movie because he has a boring face he looks like like a man yeah and and they're completely chemistry lists and and characterless and devoid of personality other than let's put people in a movie yeah any emotion you're supposed to draw from it is based solely on your nostalgia for the first two movies yes my point is the main characters only recourse to solve this problem is let's put bombs all over the place yes and let's shoot guns at things let's shoot everything there's so many scenes in this movie that are convoluted time-travel dialogue attempting to explain what the hell is happening and then bad guy walks in they shoot at him and run away and scene start that whole sequence over again these are our main characters they're there their entire knowledge base is we need to set off an explosive and they have one explosive did they go around the whole complex and put them in all the buildings it's like the [ __ ] end of pipe club you know where every building starts falling like when did that I was numb by that point so I don't even know speaking of numb they play The Ramones I want to be sedated throughout the movie which is ironic listen to me Rhys everything's changed this is all wrong red John's everything's changed 1989 Kyle Reese has the Irish parents not John Connor yes go figure that one out maybe maybe Kyle Reese's mother and father are really John Connors mother and father holy [ __ ] Kyle Reese [ __ ] his own mother to make John Connor and John Connor [ __ ] Kyle Reese's Irish mother to make Sarah Connor it's a whole system of time-travel inbreeding oh my god you need to write Terminator Genisys part two Terminator Genisys space in space okay so they traveled to 2017 they land in the middle of the interstate where they get promptly hit by a car that's gotta be going at least 50 miles per hour and they get a tiny scratch on their heads and they go to the hospital that's a clue that Kyle Reese is also a terminator maybe that'll be established more in the follow-up to this film so they go to the hospital because Arnold didn't get to him in time they got hit by the car and then cops showed up and whatever and then Arnold comes to the hospital because he knows they're there I guess and he walks in with a comically large teddy bear so he can conceal his shotgun and it's just Arnold like 70 year old Arnold lumbering around with his teddy bear yeah and the way it's shot is shot for comedy it's just shot which makes it yeah and and they would have if they're going for a nostalgia they would have been better with the the box of long-stemmed Rose sure yet they didn't know because that was classy and creative and Arnold is really a comically large teddy bears that's true that's German Arnold Schwarzenegger is likable he's a likable I don't know this is the best part of this movie like it doesn't matter how bad of an actor he is or the fact that he can't pronounce the word cellular which he says multiple times in one scene it breaks down on a cellular level he keeps saying that yeah one of the weirder aspects of it was like you said Arnold saying words like technobabble yeah and and I never saw terminators as like like data's you know like brent Spiner data like i saw them as just mindless killing robots for some reason he's a smartest data and he could build a [ __ ] time machine yeah Jim Irwin data travelled back to San Francisco in the 1890s and met Mark Twain data was also building some sort of device out of technology at the time to communicate to the future but data could do that because he's smart that was in the the two-parter episode times arrow because you need some way to have expository dialogue in these movies and I guess you need someone to build a [ __ ] time machine yes Arnold can I don't get into what happening Arnold can build a time machine because movie and and I'm watching this there's some kind of scene where John Connor who's a magnetic digital Roma zombie robot John Connor he reminds me of those you know those those toys or they have the magnets and there's like like a man's face Willy Willy Willy Willy yeah there's like some amazing scene where he's like his skins coming apart and there's all this like detail he's like and that's on the screen for like 15 seconds and I'm just like yeah and I just picture some like computer animator sitting there for like 17,000 hours working on this meticulously and all these effects like Terminator great all the the future tech everything this visual effects in this really good and just but it's at the service of nothing you know what they haven't done which they they really took advantage of this in the tremors films and the Back to the Future films is that they need to have Terminator in the Wild West like I'm just thinking like what if what if cowl racing and Sarah Connor just said hey [ __ ] all this let's go back to 1890 and we're gonna start a little religion called we hate Skynet and we're going to change the whole future yes start way back and change everything for me from the ground up stop the invention of computers altogether it would give an opportunity for them to sit in a Wild West bar and whatever and aren't no and Arnold to to walk through the door he could be bad Terminator this time he should be bad Terminator and he go he walks through the cook I mean he's got like the full-on like cowboy garb I told you I'd be back or he'd say I'm here yes the first day yeah and then he would build and I like Cowboys well I would take just about anything other than someone gets sent back in time make sure that Skynet happens and someone else gets sent back in time table sky tops going at me from happening and John Connor and Sarah Connor protect fate no fate but what we make now let's talk about a Wild West Terminator idea okay Sir John Connor these two actors The Terminator like try to get on a horse to ride it and once he jumps onto the horses goes yes it breaks the horses back yeah oh my god this is great let's get in the writers room but you could really have fun with um a lot of the the technology of the day like they would they would sentence the Terminator to like a public hanging then they drop the demos and he would just break the I mean we just land on gee willikers well let's even in this movie in Terminator Genisys like cuz Arnold can't travel into the future with them because his robot arm is exposed so he waits like whatever it is thirty years forty years and there's like some offhand dialogue about how he worked in construction like I want to see that movie about what he was doing that whole time I would rather watch that like Terminator just trying to like kill time for thirty years now they've like they've jumped the shark pardon the expression because now they've introduced the fact that everyone has a time machine and people had time machined all over the place well that's the thing too is they travel to 2017 and at the Skynet headquarters they're also building a time machine conveniently yeah is that supposed to be the one in the future maybe but like they say oh it's not gonna be ready for several years but then they just use it immediately anyway I guess yeah why not build a time machine there's no like they're making liquid liquid metal people or in the same room as the time machine conveniently yeah and then they're also making an app the app seems to be the most important thing for everybody not just an app it's an operating system it's in downloads but we're also building a time machine in liquid people but our app let's talk about our app so uh yeah he's giving them I guess but like what he's starting up Skynet again so why have the time machine why is he building one because it can because it's convenient because movie because that's how they need to end the movie is with another time machine so that just happens yeah yeah Wow like movies have really gotten bad you like the Terminator films I'll be back here I love this movie this movie is is a shiny object you dangle in front of a cat it's it's a very nice looking it's very slick the effects are great the action is great but it's nothing but a shiny object you dangle in front of a cat so all you cats out there get out you're catnip my recommendation is if you're a cat you'll love this film do you think Arnold took Sarah Connors virginity yes like because he was protecting her since age 9 I don't think he let her go on dates that's exactly what happened are you fully functional I am fully functional that's a reference to Star Trek The Next Generation they do have sex on Star Trek oh yeah it's a little weird he never gets rapey um but you guys have sex yes sex well I'm glad he doesn't get rapey so they killed John Connor who was that we're still talking about terminator they killed John Connor we talked about this movie more than the writers I think I think so yeah I can say this though it is better than Terminator 3 it doesn't feel like a cheap like direct-to-video B movie it's not a complete recreation of the Terminator to do another part when they get arrested and then the theme to cops the TV show plays in 2015 there's a movie where they play the theme song two cops travel through time and come for you but the like direction why is there there is no like real vision there it just don't know everything looks pretty bland and here we film this now I film that now and say these lines yeah they tried to do an emotional scene where they silhouetted Jessica Rabbit she's undressing then it's like a complete silhouette in spotlight it reminded me of like a Naked Gun movie yeah I wanted her to turn and there be a big penis [Music] so Mike would you recommend terminator rise of the Genesis Terminator no uh if your this is a little specialized audience thing if you're a fan of terminators and terminator lore you'll get you'll get a kick out of this movie there it's like a fan film it's like a big-budget fan film a big-budget Terminator phantom like I said it's like Batman fighting the predator with very little substance so if you like that sort of thing I'm gonna go with like a 50/50 shot here okay No so now that we've watched Terminator Genisys can we finally watch mom can I keep her it's got to be better right those the alternate title the Terminator Genisys is mom can I keep him oh [ __ ] Sarah Connor referring to those nine year-old Sarah Connor that makes you know that would also be a great Terminator movie the the prequel oh sure you know her going to a middle school and Arnold pretending to be a student sitting next door I mean really sideways hat on in yeah I'm a very old-looking nine year old boy now I'd buy that you probably dodgeball and he built for me and would like embedded kid's head in the wall sure you know like all sorts of crazy stuff like that's that of the Wild West but whoa we made it come with me if you want to live I said come with me if you want to live [Music]

Channel: RedLetterMedia

Views: 2,142,554

Keywords: Terminator: Genesis (Film), half in the bag, red letter media, Jay and Mike, Plinkett, Review, Terminator

Id: II6OAIJPe70

Length: 30min 57sec (1857 seconds)

Published: Mon Jul 06 2015

Reddit Comments

[u/shinto29]

"Do you think the Terminator took Sarah Connor's virginity?" jesus

[u/[deleted]]

I like when Mike talks about Star Trek.

Also, the general public is now aware of what Game of Thrones watchers have been aware of for years: Emilia Clarke is not good at acting.

[u/theStingraY]

I died laughing when Mike disappeared while Jay was talking.

[u/FuduVudu]

Mike just give in an make a series where You an Jay watch each episode of Star Trek Next gen.

[u/ColonelSanders21]

I always love the more subtle edits. Namely the Rich Evans "I fucking love Star Wars" hidden in there.

[u/uncoolaidman]

"Needlessly convoluted" would be a good blurb for the cover of the dvd.

[u/[deleted]]

I'd rather watch that Wild West Terminator movie than Genisys

[u/g2g4m10]

The vasoline's burning my eyes!

[u/doyle871]

My favourite line.

"They've been waiting seventeen years for Kyle Reese to show up yet they're three hours late"