Half in the Bag Episode 149: Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

hello and welcome to another episode of half in the bag a movie review show my name is Mike and I'm Jay and today we're talking about Jurassic world fallen Kingdom Jurassic world bond Kingdom starts Chris Pratt bryce dallas howard rent wraps now and james from mom and it was written by derek connolly and Colin Trevorrow directed by Jay Bayona I thought you know I thought it was okay and parts you know it's not as good as some of the other ones but and a couple kind of kind of fun action pieces and overall I'm sorry okay I really liked the first one Jurassic Park a Jurassic world I thought this was really good it was an exciting adventure film but this one I think may have stepped down a notch it had some good action sequences we got plenty of Dino action if you're if you're into into if you're into movies with Donal action there's there's plenty of that that the graphics are good I would say overall if you like Chris Pratt yeah I like Chris Pratt now you'd probably like this movie I like I like it there most of the stuff he's done yeah yeah he's good that like button and don't forget to subscribe and thank you for watching ooh hey J it's almost too hot we should start heading back right boy oh boy it sure is good to be back in the VCR repair shop that's right Mike and it looks like those exterminators did a pretty good job yeah I think they got rid of all the rats yeah it sure would be a shame if all those rats came back and we had to close the VCR repair shop for good forever forever mm-hmm boy hey speaking of rat feces do you want to talk more about Jurassic world fallen Kingdom boy do I ever she's ranked okay okay Jurassic Park 5 aka Jurassic world 2 aka Jurassic world 2 fallen Kingdom is finally here in this fifth Jurassic Park installment which is a sequel to the soft reboot of Jurassic Park called Jurassic world Jurassic world 2 fallen Kingdom is a soft reboot itself of Jurassic Park to the lost world this film which was not directed by Colin Trevorrow reunites us with Bryce Dallas Howard character lady from the last movie and Chris Pratt's character Owen thunder guns in this film the white sis male his complicit characterless female love interest and to comic relief diversity hires go back to the island s Lanoue bar in order to save some dinosaurs from an exploding volcano J you didn't like Jurassic world part 5 tell us why were four what's Jurassic Jurassic world is part four and this is Jurassic world part 4 part two this is Jurassic Park five writes Jurassic world part two fallen Kingdom rights well going into this yeah you went into this having liked the previous one having no interest in this one I went into this not liking the previous one and also having no interest in this one but this movie is [ __ ] bizarre the first half of it it's like it's like a pretty standard sequel to the last one and then it's like halfway through the movie they got bored and just said let's just start over and something just start another movie that's like this weird like dinosaurs in a mansion story with with like Texas oil moguls with like spin Glee moustaches bidding in the black market on dinosaurs and then them running amok in a mansion it's like a dumb Roger Corman movie with a budget yeah and you'd think you'd like the second half more because it turns into like like schlock but I like the first half more oh I hated the first half it's exactly a remake of the second one which is bizarre because people didn't really like the second one of you mean the second one from the original you know it's a lost world yeah the lost world because in the lost world the first part was we got to go back to on a different Island at site B but you had passed away right was was he the bad guy like the the great white hunter who has now been replaced in this movie by Buffalo Bill died Buffalo Bill Silence of the Lambs and he was there on also a secret mission to steal dinosaurs bring them back to land so the first half of Jurassic Park to the lost world is them on the island and then they get end up and then they bring out the t-rex in the cage like you know King Kong reference and then the t-rex runs around and ends up at a house he drinks out of the swimming pool yeah then there's litigates a dog right and he runs down the street and hits his head on a bus and people are screaming and and it's like you know same plot except except that was like the last 10 minutes of that movie this movie it really is like right down the middle it becomes a completely different movie it's so weird but I hated the first half I hate it almost from the beginning because right off the bats we're we're retrofitting something which is the the aquatic dinosaur from the last movie do you know what that was called yeah he's not gonna tell me a goober fish it's a goober fish they make a point of showing it in the first movie it's in this this little man-made lake lake that they jump directly in the center of the islands here it's on the edge of the island that has a fence that opens up directly into the ocean but yeah so right off the bat they just completely change the location of that pond for plot convenience which is a big problem I had with the last movie is how many things happen just because they need to happen so there's a movie so this is a direct continuation of that type of [ __ ] well they wanted to steal a piece of bone from the androgynous Rex and dominus Rex yes the bad guys want dinosaurs that's the premise of the movie yes bad guys want dinosaur is a first kindly old man James Cromwell not Hammonds Jeff Hammonds best friend slash business partners we've never been told about before the original Jurassic Park business partner that has never been mentioned before it is another old man with a white beard so they they they dredge up James Cromwell put him in a wheelchair and say you're basically John Hammond you're the kindly old man with the vision even as the cane and a he says a line in them in the movies like John Hammond never saw dinosaurs is a source of money or something he saw them as a beautiful creature that should be left alone in the wilderness and I was like he made a [ __ ] theme park he's selling lunchboxes he was scenes higher point of the movie he was selling like cheap merchandise John Hammond was essentially the villain yes the only one with any clarity complete clarity was Jeff Goldblum yeah yeah but your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they they didn't stop to think of they should and it's the same in this movie for the two seconds that he's in it yeah he shows up at the very beginning just to say hey 25 years ago I said this exact same [ __ ] leave those things alone let nature take its course I'll here in Jeff Goldblum in my editor I felt nothing like an hour how long is it gonna take for that to spread around the globe and what's gonna be done with it it ain't gonna stop with a the extinction of the dinosaurs this movie supremely dumb not in the Transformers dumb way it's it's dumb and look I know we often make this reference but Saturday morning cartoon show way where I was watching it and I was just I was going like this and wiping over the image and just picturing it as an animated thing like like 1980s like horrible animation yeah yeah and I was like Oh watching like like a fun kids show that's what it felt like but sure and then ultra-realistic like gloomy dark horror action movie kind of way and it was this one looks more like a horror movie that was the weird thing to me is III haven't seen the other movies this guy's directed he did the orphanage I never got around to seen that and as watching this movie I was like man this is a good looking movie like a lot of it's really well executed there's some cool shots and sequences there's the when the gyrosphere falls in the water it's just like one long continuous take and it's inside the thing and my favorite part you see yeah there was a cool part you see oh and thunder gums outside trying to break them out of it similar to the car in children of men where it's just it's right in the center of the car and the cameras going around so I was like man this is a good look at movie and it's all in the service of like the dumbest script possible it's like because a lot of movies that we've seen that are really dumb they usually have a visual style to match like if this looks like the last movie the Colin Trevorrow one it would make perfect sense but this movie looks way too good for what it is yeah it is it is an unbelievably stupid script where it is and and the sad part it almost feels like like you know you go into battle having known you've lost the war already because there's someone going into watching this yes that's how I felt because it's not like this was its opening weekend it has been out for two weeks overseas and has already passed 700 million billion dollar know where everyone in the world has seen it and now it's like now we're guaranteed we're guaranteed more I you know what we'll get into spoilers in a bit but once we get to the ending of this movie I'm like bring it on we're in full stupid mode I can't the the the Jurassic world the first one it was was generically stupid which is why I didn't like it this one is generically stupid and then it goes literally goes off a cliff at one point and then it is so stupid that I was actually starting to enjoy it I think I'm done with dinosaur movies after this because it like Star Wars it's you've got three elements in it that are there rebellion Empire super weapon and and in this you have you know humans dinosaurs and military contractors who want to use the dinosaurs as weapons [Music] let's go say that's the fourth element that you're forgetting it which is that debate about how much we should interfere with nature yet resolved in the first movie perfectly that's the entire point of the first movie and all these sequels are like well we got to put that in there because it was in the first movie even though you can tell that none of the movies give a [ __ ] about that they just want to be shitty monster movies this one included it's actually the worst in this one God trying to ram that message into it because it makes no sense in this world no I mean it's it's cartoon comical yeah that ending when uh what's a little guys named John Hammonds best friend James Cromwell super rich guy and a giant mansion underneath the giant mansion there's secret elevator to an underground Rick Sanchez lair of super technological stuff under the house right which is yeah large enough for not only a giant genetics lab but also cages for dinosaurs which which I guess James Crumm will never heard roar they must have some really good sound proofing he's oblivious to all this until the scene where he's not and it's never explained yeah he somehow is aware of it but we'll get into that now his the man he's chosen to entrust his wealth with and what what he does with you know of his money is is like you know corporate white guy who used to be idealistic but now has just sold out he wants the money yeah he doesn't care they're gonna go steal a bunch of dinosaurs auction them off to billionaires of foreign countries arms dealers whoever's paying the most but at the same time they're also creating a new super hybrid dinosaur with BD Wong who was the actor that was in the original Jurassic Park and as well just a scientist he's slightly bad in the last one now he's working for the bad guys so he's like I'm gonna make a hybrid of a of a velociraptor and something else it's the same [ __ ] as the last one we have a genetically altered dinosaurs again bigger than a velociraptor but it's more intelligent somehow and then and then they're just like oh well we're auctioning things off put it out on the auction block just to show them we're not gonna auction it off but we're just gonna put it out there for no reason they have no like solid concrete plan yeah well then people start bidding on it and so they're like oh yeah it's going and they show them like and I like a cartoony shot they're like hundreds of millions of dollars it's just like they're like a ticker like a spreadsheet that's just like constantly adding up money it's so dumb so bad guys have nebulous plans of just generally exploiting dinosaurs when I saw Buffalo Bill like ka Ted Levine I thought he's very similar to the the P pasta weaith character from the second one kind of like the character from Avatar you know that like you know I'm gonna stock character stock character soldier guy who's out for a paycheck right and so I thought okay well they're gonna do something where the US military wants dinosaurs and it's gonna examine them and try to create but really it's much more vague than that it's just who wants some dinosaur parts so this biotech company wants two dinosaurs to maybe like make drugs with the Russians want them to make weapons we're still trying to do that weaponize the dinosaurs thing yeah and then and then they prove they're like hey we've got this this super dinosaur called Velociraptor hybrid dinosaur you use a laser pointer to tell it where to go and hit this sonic frequency and it'll just attack without without stopping right so then someone takes a gun and aims at some guy random guy in the off on the audience there's a laser at the auction yeah on the gun and hits the sonic button right if you have a gun with a laser pointer on it but you're aiming at your target why do you need then a dinosaur to run at your target it's a lot easier to control than a dinosaur in fact most weapons are easier to control than a dinosaur that's the thing they mentioned that they have like an offhand line in this about how like oh people have used animals in combat throughout the years and they reference like [ __ ] that existed before we had like modern-day tanks yes yes like what was it they the diseased rats yeah it's old war two they use disease right which is like those are diseased they're mindless rats now that snake has been infected by deadly toxins from cancer infested rats that's not the same thing is what you're talking about going on a horse elephant it's a big beast for transportation yeah the justification for it so within it is because you could have gone a different route and said well okay we we took unconscious velociraptor and we put this microchip in its brain right and then it runs around and we control with a keyboard like that's it's so nebulous and so vague or or you have a character like the Joker that just wants to create chaos and he's hired people to collect these dinosaurs so he could just unleash around the world just to [ __ ] everything up yeah it's something like weird like that either way the dinosaurs are always at the bottom of the list dumber plot you know but I want to talk about endo Rex Endor indominus rex no well that's the other one again an endo Raptor goddamnit I want to talk about indoor Raptor right okay this Indo raptors the most intelligent thing ever it focuses on its prey and it's super smart and blah blah blah the movie didn't even know what it was doing with its own creation because you have endo raptor and finally Endor Raptor is let out it does one clever thing which I liked when Buffalo Bill goes in its cage he shoots him with with tranquilizers and an indoor Raptor falls over the Buffalo Bill wants to pull his tooth out an indoor Raptor was smart enough to kind of pretend to pass out and he winked at the audience to let us know there's that shot where he's in the foreground he literally looks at the camera and smiles he opens when I was what I had smiles at the camera actually but I was shocked it was smart it was smart that endo Raptor like was was intelligent enough to set a trap basically and the attend to be passed out because he knew what those darts did clever girl yes Lindo Raptor is just like savagely running through things to get at every all of our characters a one Thunder guns lady and little girl a little girl and a little girl but just like just like the last movie we have a scene where there's chaos and people running everywhere and then everybody's just gone except our main characters for the rest of the movie just like the last one but then two scenes back-to-back almost with Indo Raptor completely contradict each other because little girls running and she's running for the staircase and indoor Raptors trying to get her and there's a little thing with a dinosaur skeleton on it and the old girl runs past it and endo Raptor just barrels through it like it like a crazed wild animal yes I don't know if you're ever running after somebody and there's a thing in your way you just go like this and go around it basic intelligence even a dumb animal would know not to just smash their way through it then the next scene the little girl's hiding in her bed an Indo Raptor it comes down outside the window gingerly opens the door with this fingernail and comes into the room very like quiet yes yeah so what is it out-of-control mindless wild animal or super intelligent creature like if endo Raptor was moving with precision and grace and like like a ninja almost without smashing anything then it would have been an interesting take like they upped its intelligence to a point where it doesn't like smash his head through things it it operates completely differently and we're just like oh oh that's kind of scary that's weird well especially by this point in the movie we've watched two hours of dinosaurs running through things and smashing everything it's just more of the same [ __ ] [Music] good enough [Music] so uh what are you dating like an accountant now Ellen ventriloquist's a fat you love a dummy well I want to talk about Chris Pratt's character real quick because we don't have a relatable likable protagonist in this film Lee of cartoon characters and specifically I wanted to mention his introduction because it was very unmoving like and it was very annoying bright Bryce Dallas Howard is approached by a billionaire man and said I want you to go in rescue all these dinosaurs which is what she's apparently trying to do in her free time or as a new job she's an activist she has a whole office full of people that are trying to save those dinosaurs that have killed hundreds of people through several films now they just won't [ __ ] learn nobody will learn no there's a brief moment during that sequence where she's in her office with all the activists and they're all like you know young kids and I was hoping it would go the movie would turn into like the green inferno deal a Roth movie where all these like smug self-righteous activists go into the jungle to try and preserve it and then just get eaten by cannibals I was like it'd be great if they were all like we have to save these dinosaurs and then they just get eaten there's a scene where 100 dinosaurs come on just Terra moly yeah yeah that's kind of what happens throughout all these movies really we need to preserve these dinosaurs and then one second later Bryce Dallas Howard is running for her life and terrified of the dinosaurs yes yes but anyway you're talking about the introduction Chris Pratt yeah I made a joke during the film on her and uh her and Franklin the technician the hacker kid that kid he was fine the rare they're there they're escaping the dinosaur and she closes the door so it can get burned alive by lava yeah yeah came there to save them just make friendly dinosaurs just make herbivores with your computers and your DNA yeah orders don't make dinosaurs at all but but Bryce Dallas Howard aka Lady Claire Claire oh she actually kind of had a character in the last movie there was a much of a payoff but she kind of did shed an arc she went from uptight corporate lady to I'm adventurous now because Chris Pratt mansplain door the way they really tone that down on this one yeah I think they got a little bit of a backlash for it in the last movie so so they're like let's not take any chances let's just let Chris Pratt be Chris Pratt and we won't let Bryce Bryce Dallas Howard do anything right she's just lady yeah but anyway so rich guy tows Claire you can go back to the island I'm gonna give you a bunch of money we really want to try to get blue do you know anybody you know who could help with that and she's like oh sure there's one guy I think could help but it might take some convincing hard cut to Owen washing dishes in a greasy spoon diner while he's getting yelled at by his boss you're saying this is what should have happened because this isn't what happened that's what happens in movie your lead character your protagonist is has some challenges instead it cuts to him like and it's almost what it should be the end of the film hmm I'm building my house yeah everything's perfect life is great and why what is why is he even going back what's the risk what's the reward well the nothing his whole change happens in the following scene when they go to a bar and she says you should come with and he says nah and she says ok and then she leaves and then he goes yeah and then he just goes with that was his change but he had no character I know that's all that's all stock writing and I and I well but it's something but it's something yeah this has nothing is just I'm building the house living the dream oh yes okay I'll come with ya and then now I'm back well also the two of them have the exact same artist the last movie which is they used to be romantically involved they're not anymore and then at the end they kiss he shows very little like aggressive romantic interest like you didn't the other one but then they then they they get back they get back at at the male patriarchy a little bit earlier on when the the veterinarian character oh yeah the one who's an expert on being a dinosaur vet even though she's never seen a dinosaur yes yeah she's like don't talk down to me I'm a strong independent woman and don't don't belittle me come on beefcake so you're never though yes she yells at Ted Levine for for talking down to her as a lady thinking she can't hold her own in a world filled with violent dinosaurs this is a man who's in the military with machine guns and she's a vet who's never seen a dinosaur assumption wasn't quite sexist more which is logical more logical and out of concern but she takes it as sexist don't talk to me that way I'm just the same as you were all equals I'm just a lady and I could hold my own and then she calls Chris Pratt a beefcake that dehumanizing him and calling him just a big pile of dumb man meat it's a commentary on something something was going on either the writer was clueless and stupid or they were making a comment based on the previous films accusations of misogyny it could be a little bit of both because I know there was kind of like a meta quality to the last movie with like the the guy in the control room but that first part was legit you know I have a lot of respect for they didn't need these genetic hybrids they just needed dinosaurs real dinosaurs okay and so I think there's a little bit of that in this like also when Bryce Dallas Howard gets off the plane onto the island there's like a close-up of her foot and it's like a boot yeah it's like look she's not wearing high heels through the whole movie because everybody complained about that in the last one she's like running away from the t-rex in high-yield yeah yeah so these filmmakers that Colin Trevorrow he's very meta and he's very clever he's very clever he's a very very smart man I mean have you seen book of Henry and he could write a really good screenplay that's so smart you know you might it might just be too quick for you yeah you might just be like I'm just getting tangled up in this plot I cannot follow what's happening do you remember when the film ran out of story after after the auction scene when they're like I ran out of story dinosaur chased them dinosaur chased them upstairs well no that's when they entered it on roof it was so stupid which leads us into the little girl let's talk about the little girl yes I think I oughta Blee gasped in the theater because they intro the little girl and she's not Hammonds granddaughter they say yeah she's not no no no well not Haman that's his character is not Hamlet I'll go call him Zefram Cochrane okay excuse me but yeah you want to tell the story will say spoilers I mean well they try and yeah we're spoilers it doesn't matter this is after they ran out of Story 2 they're like what's something we can do as it was she is a clone James Cromwell cloned his daughter and that's his daughter so we have introduced that human cloning is now a reality yes and then it's never met again well I was I was just assuming that was studying that was following the tradition of the last movie of kind of setting things up and having no payoff for him possibly like the kids in the last one there's like I'm sad because their parents are getting divorced you never mentioned again no payoff to that that column Trevor all he's simply subvert in your expectations by making you think you're gonna watch a complete film we hope that people come out with their imaginations expanded of what a Jurassic Park movie to be but anyway then yeah we get to the very end the bad guys have been well I guess we haven't seen what happens to them yet but they're out of the mansion yeah and all those thousands of people just kind of disappear like did they all just run into the woods no and nobody called the police I mean I guess you if you're going to an illegal monster auction run back to somewhere mm-hmm so dinosaurs are in the basement of the mansion in cages the the kerfuffle with blue and security guards and our two characters cause toxic gas and to leak out not the explosion gasps no different other gas it has leaked out and is filling up the basement where all the dinosaurs the dinosaurs are gonna suffocate or or get poisoned by the gas and so Bryce Dallas Howard opens up all the cages for some reason individually yeah this is where things get confusing cuz she's like I'm gonna open up all the cages and yeah if you think you see you're like yeah open open open and you soon that's like her letting them out but then there's a big door that she also has to open yes and Owen is like okay you go go ahead and open up all the cages like he's not quite sure yeah but he gives her the go-ahead and then she opens up all the cages and all there and then there's one big like it's a big red button so welcome everybody this way there it goes and she says no gotta let the dinosaurs die and I'm like oh good okay that's a quality ending because this well this isn't even a case of like or the are on their own island we should leave that island and just let him be this is in the u.s. yes don't let them out into the world because it's it's you know you can't you can't put the toothpaste back in the tube yeah and then the little girl hits the button it's almost comedy timing almost and then she looked back and she hit the button she says I liked about cause they're just like me they're alive just like me or something like that because she realized she was a clone goes yeah she only exists because of tinkering with science and they only exist because of tinkering with science but she's not going to just devour people right and as a four-year-old she understands that because mr. Mill's yelled it at them an expository dialogue for absolutely no reason yeah you're gonna protect her do you even know what she is five years ago James Cromwell decided to make a clone of his daughter because he missed his daughter and that clone turned out to be her I've got to go now why is he saying that at that moment and she understood the gravity of all that as a four-year-old yeah yeah so the dinosaurs are out this was shocking to me it was so stupid that this happens we see this is shot in the trailer where you see the the whatever the underwater one is and it's like they're surfers and it's coming up towards them and then we just see dinosaurs taking over well we have we have some like dialogue overlaid with Jeff Gould Jeff Goldblum came back for five seconds live in a world that's where we have to deal with everyday dinosaurs I guess yeah everyone's just accepted it not not we need to make a plan to take care of this they're like I guess we're all just gonna die the ending really should have been Mills I mean this is all so stupid but this make sense Mills nosis been attacked by dinosaurs and he's also scraped up right for no reason he he crawls into the room and when they're not looking he hits the button as his last thing yeah as a [ __ ] you and as a bad guy the fact that a little girl did it is incredibly stupid any sense so Mike would you recommend Jurassic world's fallen Kingdom and J I assume your non recommendation uh no it's it's just terrible the second half was terrible enough that I actually enjoyed it the whole dinosaur is in a mansion and the black market auction was just so bizarre to me and then the clone like it's all so weird but it's only like the second half of the movie and the first half is just terrible just like generically terrible maybe show up halfway through go go an hour into the movie once they get to that mansion then just just watch it see my suggestion was to leave after the hamster ball park okay well I guess we're just on opposite ends of which part is the most amusing ly terrible yes yes [Music] [Music] what are you doing writing the script to the next Jurassic world movie [Music] [Music] [Music] to Jurassic Park you

Channel: RedLetterMedia

Views: 1,678,902

Keywords: redlettermedia, red letter media, red, letter, media, plinkett, half in the bag, mike stoklasa, jay bauman, rich evans, jurassic world, jurassic park, fallen kingdom, jurassic park: fallen kingdom, chris pratt, Bryce Dallas Howard, J.A. Bayona, Colin Trevorrow

Id: dSItaxluYb4

Length: 34min 28sec (2068 seconds)

Published: Thu Jun 28 2018

Reddit Comments

[u/TheSeaDevil]

Perfect stock music and mixing. Perfect.

Edit: God damn rats.

[u/TheGhostWhoWalks]

I'll never understand Universal's obsession of shoehorning in a dinosaurs as weapons of war plot. What advantage does the Indoraptor have over a sniper rifle or a drone?

[u/Shawngg1]

The camera push in inside of the vcr repair shop made me weirdly uncomfortable

[u/dickbutts3000]

Damn rats!!

[u/CELTICPRED]

That callback to the "Hard Ticket to Hawaii" BOTW about the cancer infested rats really took me back. One of my favorite BOTW episodes, and it's been 5 FUCKING YEARS since that was uploaded.

[u/ItsSuperDefective]

"We'll get into the little girl" - Jay Bauman

[u/chain_letter]

Oh my god it's literally recorded in a bathroom.

[u/RandyDanderson]

Could not stop laughing at the beginning. Absolute gold.

[u/stumper93]

Hahaha!

What’s it called? “...gooberfish?”