Half in the Bag Episode 89: Jurassic World

half in the bag I hate movie so mark Oh beer like we're supposed to be working yeah I know no it's time to start let's see what do we have here this is a Nintendo 64 well they individually numbered these things oh that's kind of weird yeah now I hope whoever owns this can find Nintendo's one through 63 or 65 up because I'm probably gonna [ __ ] break this now I'll do it I can't no I I don't know what is this our service request it's a service request it doesn't work well that's pretty [ __ ] vague probably its power I gotta open it somehow just probably those tools Oh doesn't this work look I think you're supposed to blow into the other end oh the oh the cassette they stick the out of the cartridge like all into a trex yeah yeah you have to blow into that look Jay I'll be honest with you I have no idea what I'm doing well Mike we work for Jack and rich now at least until we can figure out how to get the store back but Jay I don't know anything about video games or video game systems I mean look at this this looks like something of orto would wear in Star Trek Deep Space nine I don't know what that means what I'm trying to say is I have no idea how to repair a video game console look Mike just think of it like a VCR it works just like a VCR well it does oh I'll be well I might as well test it just trying to get it in there so I could test it to see if it plays no no Mike what no oh Jesus Christ no mate just the real goes in there like this like how would you possibly play the tape now well I'm sorry what it's not an actual VCR oh that was an analogy god I'm so stupid oh my god look at this mess um look it's our new bosses rich and Jack hey guys I just wanted to thank you too for watching the store well we're gonna be away mm-hmm now that we've hired you two clowns rich and I can find the go to e3 it's the the big video game convention in California uh I did mention that where we're staying in separate hotel rooms right no you didn't mention that oh because we are we have two different different rooms well why are you mentioning that what does that matter we're gonna go bye bye guys have fun at the convention say hi to miss pac-man I mean say hi to mr. pac-man now Mike it's just pac-man what it's not mr. pacman it's just pac-man that doesn't make any sense that's quite sexist dope and they're gone that doesn't look comfortable that's nice you really hurt forget Disney's Marvel's The Avengers to this summer movie season has officially begun with Jurassic world from the director of safety not guaranteed you know who I'm talking about America's Sweetheart Colin Trevorrow smile though your heart is aching in Jurassic world Chris Pratt plays a genetically modified super soldier who has been sent in with a team of Navy SEALs to fight a group of cyborgs t-rexes soon the SEAL team finds out that a group of raptors led by a raptor named Ivan who has the human brain of an ex-soviet spy have taken over the white house so in a daring move the Navy SEAL team led by Pratt's character Owen Thunder guns must convince a group of t-rex's to come back with them to Washington to fight the Raptors and save America Owen must also learn to reconnect with his distant son and fall back in love with his estranged wife who works in the White House so Jay what did you think of Jurassic world first of all I thought this movie sucked are you kidding me I I thought this was the best movie of the summer oh my god best movie I've seen this year better than the Avengers - are you serious I loved it but go ahead oh my god I well personally I didn't think it sucked it's watchable but I was highly annoyed through most of it really I'm pretty good at like suspension of disbelief but this one I was constantly like annoyed at the entire idea of like the fact that this theme park would open that it would be financially viable like all that stuff like all this hot like their their control room is like a NASA control room and apparently that's why you don't like the movie yeah well and it's that's the start of it it's like everything and then like security or not security but uh safety doesn't seem to be like that wasn't guaranteed safety was not guaranteed it's right on the money with that uh continue about complaining about the minor details of these these are the minor details this is the world of film and it wasn't just that it was also the characterization they set up early on there's two little kids that sucked I thought I didn't believe it are we on a parallel universe I don't actually compare these kids to the kids in the original movie where they look genuinely terrified these kids like the little kid like aside from one scene Reese crying about his parents getting divorced every other scene he looks like he's on the verge of laughing good after job began are you ready one two I think we're calling this a soft reboot that's that's what I was correcting yeah and it was it was but it was also kind of a different movie it was almost it was Jurassic Park on steroids and it hit a lot of the same beats as the original movie a lot of the same that a lot of things echoed throughout sequences especially the when they're in the little hamster ball and the the indominus rex is attacking them androgynous rex androgynous rex also known as Smaug see obviously giddy mentioned roland emmerich earlier are you reminding me of the roland emmerich godzilla it touched on all the same themes of like what would happen if you opened this theme park and jurassic park we didn't get to see that because it was just a trial run more or less and here it's like when now we get to see a fully functioning theme park and they have it under control and everything works which is what would happen in the escalation of consumerism which I like that they had all these brand names in there they had a Starbucks and it was exactly like this theme park would be yeah at first I was a little annoyed because it was like Starbucks Starbucks Starbucks everywhere but then later you see all the other little shops and it's like okay you know when I saw the ad Chris Pratt is riding a motorcycle with with Velociraptor that trailer was was i rolling it kind of rolled my eyes a little but they that wasn't over-the-top there was there all the scenes worked really well up until the very very end but I thought it was great see I was taken out of it okay they introduced the androgynous rex dinosaur they say we genetically altered this dinosaur there's it's almost like a like a meta commentary on the movie itself or it's like dinosaurs aren't enough we need to have them bigger more exciting more they're talking about movies modern movies and they introduced Nick Miller into the movie and he's got the Jurassic Park t-shirt and I think he makes some sort of like a couple of wink wink comments he's the hipster yeah that works in the Jurassic world theme park um so yeah they introduced this dinosaur it's it's gently altered it's it's bigger badder scarier than a t-rex they have it this one little confined area and that's where they've been you know observing it and raising it and they bring in Chris Pratt to you know get his thoughts on it and they look over on the edge and there's like claw marks and there's like the were those there before and they just immediately assume the thing has left the cage and so they just walk out there well in addition to that that they weren't getting any heat signatures and so they didn't know at the time that it could mask its heat signature I guess but it's still like all these assumptions like that's my biggest problem is everyone's just like and then like the hamster ball thing where it's like we're gonna go off-road it's like there's no security measures to shut that down it was a little odd that they didn't let them but there was a gate and the gate was open so you could go on the hamster ball within the confines of the gate you sure we're gonna just talk about the logic of the let you're talking about that's my biggest problem is like normally I can get past that kind of stuff with this one it was like one thing after another where I just couldn't get past you're talking about a fictional movie with a theme park filled with dinosaurs I understand that okay I don't like it the first movie is an example of why this would never happen and why this movie didn't work for me I liked the theme park stuff I wish there was more of it I wish they'd ignored like having to tie it in with Jurassic Park and just it's dinosaur lands and because there is a slight satirical element to it and that to me was like bunny heads would be the John Williams awe-inspiring score and then the the schlocko dinosaur fights near the end it was it was just as as kind of cynical and satirical that it needed to be I wasn't looking for Brazil well of course I mean not neither are the audiences right it sets up the theme park it it had a lot of echoes of the original Jurassic Park and then of course the dinosaurs have to go get loose but it didn't it wasn't like Michael Bay 35 minute long screaming action sequences oh no no and the ending goes a little too over the top but the rest of it is restrained enough in those aspects sure the only thing I didn't like and let's let's just say spoilers I don't want to ruin anything of this movie because I've thoroughly enjoyed it let's just say spoilers the only stuff I did not like I like the simplicity of the movie because you know like I was expecting all this like crazy [ __ ] to happen I enjoyed the simplicity of it it had the same themes to me up until a certain point of you shouldn't [ __ ] around with nature and then it goes amuck but up until we discover that BD Wong the actor who was in the original dress the only actor the only returning character and the original Jurassic Park you may remember him from this photo here he was a nameless scientist man who was just like there to say expository lines yes and now he's some kind of genius geneticist who's in charge of the lab why not who has a weak spot for military money who is opened to being corrupted by Vincent D'Onofrio and his military thugs to weaponize t-rex's or whatever create a genetically modified monster that no one can control that was stupid yes and that's the entire like central plot of the movie that's revealed at the end the fact that they they wanted to create an attraction that was bigger and more scary and more like ah inspiring or crazy whatever focus group said we want a bigger monster the t-rex we've bored with that we want a bigger monster the consumer demands bigger and better and that's the movie and that's sort of like a reflection on the movie the consumer demands bigger and better which is completely true oh yeah and it was like okay the bigger and better monster just escaped and now they don't know what the [ __ ] to do great leave it at that cut out Vincent D'Onofrio cut out the military cut out all that crap and I'd be I it would have been a perfect movie for me what else about security fences and their realism didn't you like that there liked one part of this movie because it's like okay Jurassic world the parks open oh no dinosaurs are getting loose the one sequence in the movie where the dinosaurs are actually attacking people in the theme park it was fun I liked that sequence because it's chaos and it's people running around and I wanted to see more of that not not more people wandering around in the woods we've seen this all before running away from one or two dinosaurs compared to the sequels two and three which were exclusively people wandering around the wood it's better than two and three very little wandering around the woods a lot more variety should you get me that do you have an opener I don't know that there's a one down there oh there's second one you go would so there's a scene in the movie one Claire who's the park director has to go find Owen Chris Pratt's character and he lives in a van down by the river yes he's a Navy SEAL who who is there helping to like research Raptors and see if they could be trained and all that and she needs his help tracking down indominus rex because he's escaped from his enclosure and he's very slowly moving across the island it was running around the islands huge what how do you know anything about how fast it runs or how big the island they show a map of where she is where the theme park it got a final dam will you mr. plinkus nitpicking everything I wonder how that old crazy codger is doing up on that mountain oh so cold so cold anyway so she meets him and Chris Pratt's sort of like he's a sassy guy he's hitting on her he's saying saying things and she's the uptight businesswoman she's the uptight but never seen this dynamic before that's why you and I never had a second date excuse me I never wanted a second pretty sound an itinerary for a night out I'm an organized person what kind of a diet doesn't allow to Keela all of them actually and what kind of a man shows up to a date in board shorts what's Central America it's hot okay okay can we just focus on the asset please it reminded me of 70s era sexism and I cannot believe they still put that into movies did you think of that yourself no that was a thing Joss Whedon said you heard about this right oh yeah we saw a completely contactless clip and decided to label it sexist yeah no Joss Whedon sensitive Joss Whedon that's what we should call him from now on is sensitive Joss Whedon that's a little clunky maybe we should use an acronym oh here you want to consult here or in my bungalow I thoroughly enjoyed that scene not because I'm a sexist but it actually reminded me a lot of han Solo and Princess Leia in Empire Strikes Back they're sort of dynamic he's he's a pushy smarmy sexist and she's an uptight [ __ ] it's not funny what's the problem like it's a movie these are these are dimensionless characters in a monster movie but don't you want characters with dimension well look at the original Jurassic Park great characters they're there they're beyond just Lord cutouts Ellie Sadler was a great character let's not look at the past with rose-colored nostalgia glasses please I liked Bryce Dallas Howard I liked Chris Pratt they were sort of movie characters they were not dramatic depth of three-dimensional characters I'll give you that but we had the park owner who was sort of like this some kind of a free-spirited business I liked him he was he was interesting I once a deathful but interesting and there was no like we've got her we gotta make almost practically it was it was sort of like the Clara character was just basically that was her job and she was good at her job she knew all the numbers and figures and and she wasn't like super passionate either way about about the the ethics or the plot of the movie she was just doing her job but the guy the owner was a little more of a more of a John Hammond s character because Hammond entrusted him with taking over the park so there wasn't that that belligerent one-dimensional angle which unfortunately was from the Vincent D'Onofrio right which to me that entire subplot gotta go corporate felt genetic modification without the wow factor they're dinosaurs Wow enough she was designed to be bigger than the t-rex what happened to the sibling she ate it I I don't want to be a cynic I I like you know there were moments I enjoy there were clever moments in this like there's a the part with Vincent D'Onofrio where he's monologuing he's doing the the villain monologue and that sort of subverted and there's a couple clever moments like that throughout can I can I say one thing can I make an example a perfect perfect example okay there is a scene when Claire and Owen are searching around in a car trying to find indominus rex who has escaped and they they stop and there's a wounded brontosaurus who's been squat up and violently clawed up and it was very similar to the wounded triceratops scene or not wounded sick Triceratops scene in the first dress park and they stop and you've got this wonderful little tender moment where they kind of comfort it and it's dying you know and then she sees that while these are really animals and it's a nice little moment completely unnecessary if you're going to look at it from the perspective that you do whether i was thinking in the other half of my brain why wouldn't they just why the hell would they get out of the car what are you gonna do to help this brontosaurus it's really [ __ ] clawed up are you really going to get out of your car aren't you just going to look out the window go oh [ __ ] is calling up brontosauruses let's keep going but they stopped and they have a moment logically it didn't make a lot of sense but to me it was a good touching moment good character moment and the film is filled with a lot of that to me it didn't seem it didn't seem as as stupid or forced or cynical or bad as a Michael Bay movie something's wrong communicating talking about an animal cure highly intelligent animal I liked it it felt Spielberg e'en more so than a JJ Abrams type thing there there it was like a blend of Spielberg and an indie director in Indy character director making a monster movie to me it seemed like a good blend where the characters weren't irritating or obnoxious or no one said stupid things but at the same time it had those kind of Spielberg Ian wonderment moments good good exciting action that wasn't completely overdone and good tension good variety of things kids in the roller ball I thought that was really neat the the hamster ball yes they yeah the idea that these set piece okay the set piece of it we're in a hamster ball and you're the hamster ball is designed to go in this enclosure and roll around and interact with Dinosaurs but since the monsters out they go off-road into a forest and then they get an action scene them inside a low destructible ball that thinks they're smashing is exciting and I thought that was clever look one two three four five and reminded me a little bit disaster movie the especially the shot where I don't know if you noticed this but all the pterodactyls are attacking everyone and there's some extra some guy the guy giving the glances up he runs with his drinks yeah reminded me of a 70s disaster movie like oh and then the movie Cuddy is more of that I think it would have been more fun to me it was like that's a great concept like the the dinosaurs attacking the theme park but it was such as a minor aspect of the movie overall I think to be honest the character I liked the least was Chris Pratt in in the realism element I thought he was funny and kind of you know Han Solo ask Indiana Jones esque that I think they were doing a thing there Oh Cheryl that's Chris Pratt's thing now but he did be that type of guy and and he's sort of like I took him as like a wink-wink character like you know and there's one point where he's he's riding a motorcycle with the Raptors and the one of the kids says your boyfriend's awesome for a badass you say he's a badass and I okay he is it just needed that little like um like guardians of the galaxy at that little backstory of his mom with cancer Wow a cassette tape a mixtape and needed all news that you needed the the Phoebe Cates Christmas story every movie needs that you know yeah his dad dressed up as Santa and got stuck in the chimney and had rotted in front of him and that's why he trains Raptors and that's why I trains Raptors you need that little moment where they're they're hiding out and then he says his backstory and then you go okay I get him I get you Chris Pratt Glen said he was he was I'm badass Owen Thunder guns stand down hey hey what did I just say Delta I see you back up okay I think I think they did a really good job soft rebooting this and taking the concept expanding on it making it bigger but at the same time still raining it in keeping that that humor the humanity that fun and blending in action and adventure all at the same time without getting too too dumb what does spider-man say with great power comes great responsibility and these filmmakers now have great power yes and they could make 10 million dinosaurs doing Michael Bay things and then so they're like oh god let's not get some nutjob to direct this who's some indie director who's done nothing no one's ever heard us get him dude but on the other end of that you have Marc Webb who did the amazing spider-man who started with an indie movie and he got [ __ ] Marc Webb is an exception they only hired him because names mark right there something I'm missing no no you're right okay yeah what is that they're tracking implants he clawed it out how would it know to do that she remembered where they put it in sergej would recommend Jurassic world hmm this is a non-defense movie for me it's like it's not the worst thing ever I was bored while watching excited intere about what was happening I wish there was it expanded more on the theme park stuff if you if you just want to see like a fun monster movie I guess it works on that level I would 100% recommend it I loved it I loved it more than what it was I'd have business have been some of the good films this year mom and maxi did you love it more than Mad Max no okay I that's the only movie that matters anymore you know I want to say I respect Mad Max more I may have had more fun watching this okay like Mad Max was great obviously it was very well made but I had more fun watching this I thought this was a well-oiled movie machine and I will not will not apologize for that opinion you don't have to Mouse oh my god apologize for that opinion that moment right there had more tension than anything in Jurassic world so instead of talking about movies we should probably be working on a plan to take back the shop right yep don't worry J we have all the time in the world watch this and they thought time travel was so hard I got to figure it out right now what scientists what do they know you really think you're doing something don't you I'm sorry what

Channel: RedLetterMedia

Views: 1,671,988

Rating: 4.8302593 out of 5

Keywords: redlettermedia, red letter media, red, letter, media, half in the bag, plinkett, mike stoklasa, jay bauman, rich evans, jurassic world, jurassic park

Id: iN6Rlh4KonQ

Length: 27min 21sec (1641 seconds)

Published: Mon Jun 15 2015

Reddit Comments

[u/[deleted]]

I really wish Jay would argue with Mike more when they disagree.

Because he was totally ready to unload then backed off when Mike started praising it. Then Mike just explains why he liked it with Jay going, "ehhhh" for 20 minutes.

[u/Heff228]

Loved the Joss Whedon jab.

[u/fucktopia]

I'm not surprised Mike liked it, he has liked much crappier summer popcorn movies in the past. I mean, he liked TMNT.

I totally agree with his comparing his like for Jurassic World and Mad Max. Mad Max was a better film but Jurassic World was more enjoyable.

[u/Antiman1337]

deleted ^{What is this?}

[u/[deleted]]

I don't care what anyone says: the climax for this movie had me grinning like an idiot. I think I'm going to see it twice just for that final battle scene.

[u/CollumMcJingleballs]

Holy shit. Has Mike ever been that enthusiastic about any movie?

[u/my_teeth_r_fake]

Glad to see Mike loved the film. You can tell he genuinely liked that movie. It's always a good feeling when you see someone honestly enjoy a film and turn into a kid again. The magic of movies!

[u/PixelMagic]

I am astonished Mike liked this when he is usually the one to rip apart nonsensical plots. I fully agree with Jay.

[u/MeteoricHorizons]

I don't really know why so many people are treating Jurassic World as of it's the worst thing that has ever come out Hollywood. It's a clean, stupid movie and I don't think it billed itself as anything else. Yeah the characters are one dimensional and the plot was contrived, but honestly, it was decent. The product placement complaints are imo overblown too, there are way more movies that handled it worse. Jurassic World was dumb, but at least it was very fun to watch.