Half in the Bag Episode 92: Pixels

half in the bag well we're back from the movie theater sure just saw pixels yep that's right uh-huh J forgot to stop at the bank oh [ __ ] I completely forgot it's okay I don't think these guys have any intention of paying us anyways listen I have a plan they have a safe in the back and I'm pretty sure it's filled with cash when we get a chance we're gonna go back there and I'm gonna pick the lock and break into it I'm just gonna [ __ ] take all their money if these [ __ ] won't pay us guys J Mike what did you think of pixels oh let's let's discuss pixels I thought about that now on okay why are you looking around awkwardly how did you have a safe of course we do for all of our daily large cash that we handle a lot of cash that we handle here keeping the safe in the back white that's a weird question I just I saw it back there and I was wondering the combination well the combination is 35 22 what I was waiting you to stop me 20 25 over 22 second number is the first two you want to do that where I just do the whole thing that yeah yeah just I mean like okay you know we're all friends here I mean you guys have been working at the store you should know the combination to the state it's safe to make all the cash yeah you never gave it to us and nobody actually came into the store you know but you know I just I saw safe and you know I was you know I've maybe Al Capone go to stuff what's the number in 1982 Ness to time capsule into space containing examples of our life and culture in hopes of contacting extraterrestrial life unfortunately the message was taken the wrong way well I'm glad we all went to the movies together I hope our time here together doesn't end in horrific violence what has pixels about pixels is the new Adam Sandler comedy Adam Sandler film starring Adam Sandler and Kevin James and some lady and Peter Dinklage and Michelle Moynihan Michelle Moynihan and Josh GAD and everyone phones in their performance except for Brian Cox who somehow is a professional still beyond just not being familiar with Adam Sandler movies I mean this is actually my very first Adam Sandler vehicle that's amazing and he is the worst part of the movie he looks and visibly miserable in this movie yeah I'm just sorry he looks like he just walked out of his trailer and he just wants to get back to his trailer so he's like alright here's the line okay bye if you're if you're gonna take this movie like seriously I mean you would want a likable relatable main character I mean you would want like Chris Pratt better be great in that role but instead he's just the most unlikable uncharismatic man who was ever lived yeah this movie is terrible the script is terrible yeah this is the Hollywood big Hollywood money exploiting the resurgence of eighties pop culture interest and it's just I don't know would you call sickening or depressing dad I would call it cynical definitely yeah is definitely cemented for me like and I've kind of this I've been thinking about this more and more over the last couple years but this cemented like I am completely over the celebration of nostalgia like this is just like the most soulless thing and it's like yeah remember Donkey Kong here's Donkey Kong and there's nothing clever about it if you really wanted to go for like the 80s nostalgia I was like the whole opening of that movie was actually kind of charming with the kids going to the arcade once the cheap trick song ended that's when it just dive-bombed I would I would have rather have seen a movie about young kids who's practicing for the big videogame competition that would have been neat sure it's called the wizard you've never seen the wizard Fred Sanford you hate Fred Savage I don't know I just do I don't have I don't hear the only person on the planet that hates Fred Sam Fred Savage was like eight years old when he was on The Wonder Years and then he disappeared off the face of the planet how the hell can you hate him for some reason I just find him annoying you're just jealous of Fred Savage because you had a big crush on Paul I'll set up for winning reverse it with Paul check check mark Mike that was almost a joke almost a joke and it was a joke using a reference as a setup almost a joke is closer to a joke than anything in pixels that's right there were no jokes there are so many what moments you know we had the what moment counter or whatever like Mike there's just those those like someone yells something it makes those sensors what yeah I suppose to be funny yeah well you had mentioned there's the scene early on when they're trying they're just starting to figure out what's going on oh we didn't even mention that Kevin James is the President of the United States in this film and he's childhood friends with Adam Sandler they were both video game fans so this attack happens completely out of nowhere just all of a sudden there's an attack there's no setup there's no build up it's just Oh someone's being attacked by something and then Kevin James calls in his best childhood buddy Adam Sandler and Adam Sandler says this is like Gattaca this is Gattaca Gattaca Galaga Galaga Gattaca is a film starring Ethan Hawke Galaga there we go so he's in this boardroom with all these stuffy boardroom presidential people that are serious about their jobs because this is someone invading the earth and then Anne Sandler comes in in shorts and just starts making fun of everybody for no reason and you had mentioned that it felt like a bad attempt to do like a Judd Apatow Adam acade riff moment it felt like a like improv comedy there was a lot of scenes that kept going on and it felt like it felt like anchorman where a scene with going a little too long because the actors were riffing and having a good time and so this scene like I said Adam Sandler's in the boardroom Oh get out of here you're crazy kid and for no reason whatsoever he decides to rib everyone in the room yeah there's a guy when he first shows up there's a guy that thinks he's the sandwich delivery man but he's not and then so when family leaving and he's like your sandwiches are here no they're not oh they're like what was the joke cuz he was he wanted sandwiches cuz he was over way cuz he was a great big fat guy yeah there are moments like that where I was like Adam Sandler improving or is this scripted and I didn't know well what's worse what would be worse if that was improv or if that was scripted well uh both they're both just generally worse yeah I believe that some alien life force sent down real-life video games to attack us that makes sense I'll get to my predictions oh yes we were we were out prediction oh no I didn't know we had homework now my predictions are terrible and the movie was worse than my predictions I was going for roland emmerich level so I have Adam Sandler will have a degree in computers or something like that but will have squandered his potential and works in a video game store or a Geek Squad type place the movie the movies events will be his redemption his squandered potential was only not winning the donkey kong challenge as a five-year-old yeah that answer that the high point of his life I think they make a joke about Mississippi Technical Institute and he went to MIT Mississippi Institute of Technology MIT MIT but I don't know that was a joke or not but well really like I was supposed to be but it was so much but I was thinking he would have an estranged son or divorced wife who think he's a loser you can't see his son you know and then he redeems himself through the events of the movie they didn't even bother with that they mentioned an ex-wife but they were too lazy to show her or even get into it or even to show that he he has the smarts to be like a master computer programmer but it's just I'll just work at Best Buy whatever I think they only mentioned the ex-wife once solely so people wouldn't be sane so the highlight of this guy's whole life is that you play Donkey Kong when he was 9 years old that's all they got into like they they kept mentioning his like ability and his potential but what is that potential yeah the Michelle Moynihan character when they have their own romantic scene she's like you're you're destined for great things where how did you come to this conclusion right his only skill set is playing video games and not even with all video games only like three very specific three very specific video thirty-year-old video games is a specialty the ones in the movies are the only ones I know how to play I don't I didn't progress I didn't progress well considering Kevin James was in it with Adam Sandler I thought they would split main character duties I'm Sandler would would redeem himself and get back together with his ex wife his son and I thought Kevin James was going to get the girl the the person who works in the government sure and but I was totally wrong about that he just had a wife and he put too many sprinkles on the cake do you remember that hilarious be plot about him and his wife hating each other oh yeah that went nowhere had no purpose and they even cast the comedic actress in the role and gave her literally nothing to do I don't think she had one line she had a couple lines but nothing out of them even like an attempt at a joke and she's funny Jane Krakowski she's very funny but they had cake and then and then he was very uncomfortable trying to tell her that another woman was attractive because she asked and then she just vanished from the movie who she went off I went back to his home planet we've never faced a career like this before in the video game expertise these guys were champions back in 82 Sam Brenner pac-man world champion with Ludlow lamonsoff master of centipede also known as okay Josh GAD will like to eat things maybe fart nobody farted we should matter there was a Josh GAD - butt cracks no farting there was no fart he will be a sex pervert who makes awkward advances on women but this was before I saw like there was like ten trailers for like children's films and there was like like I heard little kids all over the theater I was like oh is this like a g-rated film well it turns out he makes all sorts of moves on men in this movie yeah there's like some gay panic stuff him but he's not gay as we learn later in the film he's just randomly like slapping dude's asses for no he tries to he tries to kiss adam sandler on the mouth he does but he's not gay it doesn't make any sense i think like the whole thing was just like he doesn't know anything about anything because so he's into dudes and girls he's silly his character trait is that he is silly adam and tim Herlihy and Tim Dowling wrote a character that was really eccentric so Josh GAD is in love with a video game ladies yeah that's we know he's in love with her because he says it for the first 20 minutes of the movie and he foreshadows things very subtly by saying if she was a real person we would be in love for the rest of our lot like it's so awkward and bad the way it's delivered weren't you shocked when she showed up at the end I was shocked that she showed up at the end pixelated for two seconds and then just became normal looking hot lady because we can't have them fall in love with a pixel character so it's just woman now for no reason every single other bad guy enemy is a fairly nice 3d rendering of a square pixel monster you know we get we get the paperboy we get the the Galaga guys right and all of a sudden the pixel lady from whatever game that was called shows up and she morphs into the actress a human lady who's a moon by the way is a real actress who has been in other things where he delivers lines which she doesn't do in this film I'm sorry lady I hope you're a good actress was her line keep putting it in my vagina are you employing the cheesy pornographic that's what I was implying okay close she was in a Harmony Korine film that's like an embarrassing porno but she's a real lady for some reason yeah yeah she's a real lady for some for some reason and she starts attacking John for no reason huh for no reason he said for some reason for no reason is more accurate there is no reason because they don't know that Josh GAD is in love with her if they knew then that would be a good reason to make her into a real lady to trick him for some reason I think it'd be a reader brains yeah but there is no reason so so Jay is correct there for some reason is wrong okay you know what I take that back then I take that back in anyway she turns it to a lady and you know Josh GAD has what is supposed to be a comedy moment and I love you I've always loved you and then she starts attacking him because she's the bad guy but then for no reason Josh GAD stops fighting her and and professes his love again well that's actually wrong it's he professes his long love for some reason because he actually is in love with her for no reason she's gonna get emotional yes yes that's what I was gonna get to is for no reason then she decides to join up with the humans yeah look at that point in the movie does it matter yes everything matters and I think some level of logic does matter in a movie well okay no as long as the movie is funny and entertaining okay because this you're not supposed to believe the pixelated characters come to earth is so stupid it's it's it's a you can't take that concept seriously so if you can't take the concept seriously at least have jokes but they have Madonna on a TV saying we will destroy you because remember the 80s remember remember the 80s remember these 80s rock songs we're gonna play those throughout the whole film I have some issues good the aliens the aliens get their information from a probe that was sent out in 1882 you know I was just gonna bout to talk about this yeah but there's things that show up from after 1982 like Max Headroom yeah I think it was a thing until like 84 oh yeah that's true a little bit later yeah we're really rich for a second I thought you're gonna talk about how a probe sent out in 1982 would probably be near the inner solar system only the Voyager probes sent out in the 70s is just barely leaving our solar system so at least in in Star Trek emotion picture they they speculate that the Voyager probe may have entered a wormhole you could come up with any [ __ ] excuse to have aliens turning themselves into video games and attack the earth but you got to make it funny I will say the one the one positive thing I have to say about the movie is all of the videogame characters and the pixel eyes and bricks those all look neat yeah and that's the only positive thing I really have to say and there was there was I hadn't seen the short film before we saw this there was one moment during the big end battle that was I I saw I thought it was a really clever visual gag and I was like that's way too smart that has to be from the short film and it turns it turns out that it was it's when the tetris pieces are falling onto the building and then they you know they line up and they go Boop and then the building collapses I was like that's way too smart for this movie and it turns out it's directly taken from the short yeah the the the computer animators the visual effects people the distracting part for for me was I saw the laziness come through it I saw it I'm saying they're going well we could shoot this the stuff we don't to do anything we'll just hand it off to this company that'll make all the things happen I remember seeing like a pan around shot you know and the only two things in the frame are like Peter Dinklage and Josh GAD and they got the guns is all this stuff going on those okay we're done you know an episode we'll run spine like you know you I really noticed that during the first alien attack the centipede attack but yeah and then at one point Adam Sandler grabs a gun because he's like you're doing it wrong there's a pattern and he starts shooting and you can tell it like he has the most bored expression on his face where he's just like yeah and you know he's like oh they're just gonna add everything in later whatever yeah I was shocked initially at the start of that scene because they're like the the next spot it's gonna be in London and they do they have like a stock footage shot of them flying over London then it cuts to them in like a field with like trees and it's London because they're saw soccer players there you don't think they actually found that in London I don't think so I'm pretty sure they didn't it I want to see Big Ben get smashed and and you know the the big ferris wheel Thames River right and the London Brit londun Bridge is falling down and fell down and then amselik London Bridge is falling down it's no time for Nursery Rhymes no for real but but anyway they go to field the centipede does go on to a street but you know it's just a street and it goes through like some old lady's apartment building I guess there is a deaf elderly person joke there right yes the old lady's doing likes and if he goes into apartment and she's doing aerobics she acceptable the centipede does aerobics for a little bit see that's and I guess this is too much to ask for this movie but that shows an incan like the whole idea is that they're following the formulas of these video games but that's like for no reason the centipede just stops doing that and attacks the city yeah that's true it doesn't they're beating the game by the game's rules but then the game just doesn't play by it just does whatever it wants so we can have an action scene but but so remember that whole scene that was supposed to be in the movie we need the scene where the the geek prevails right like no my geeky crazy methods are better than your standard military methods right but at that point he had been already training the military guys on how to do all this stuff yeah so then why wouldn't they let him do it yeah right because he was or why wouldn't they do the things that they were just trained to do in the previous see they were yeah that's a good point they weren't as good as him but yeah if they're if he's a consultant why you know it would the logic that he ran up and took over was the logic of I'm a by standard behind the police line who thinks he knows better and jump over one pass security and do it because they really cared about realism and it would have been too silly if he just went right into the thick of things from the start but he was in there like he was he was trying to tell them what to do and their land Brian Cox or whoever or Sean Bean maybe I don't even remember one of them was just like don't listen to that guy even though we've been listening to that guy for the last 10 minutes well yeah I think the Brian Cox character had like a nerd prejudice right and then he was like I don't know what's better if losing to the aliens or letting these guys yeah he was very angry and and that's fine that's like a movie character and I expected him to do something to like I'm gonna do it my way I'm gonna get the nukes out and no no you know like but instead he just kind of like cuz they really needed to try and use like conventional military things against them because they never do that and they just have it completely fail and then that's when you're you're Adam Sandler jumps in with the video game was the first attempt to stop them is shooting missiles or sending military jets you know they needed to remake Independence Day they were lazy with their framework we always say it's a framework so hang stuff on yeah they were later with their framework like having Kevin James be the President of the United States who just happened to be friends with Adam Sandler as a kid like terrible yeah at least have just some stuffy president have a military attempt fail and then go oh these are video games we better dig up these Schmucks from you know the gutter to come up and help instead it from the beginning Adam Sandler was like hanging out in the White House like lazy lazy right yeah [ __ ] so so you need a framework to hang jokes on but this movie had no framework and it no jokes and it had nothing but what you got from the two minutes short which is the good stuff which is the good stuff yeah the two minutes short had everything that this movie had and without waiting through these [ __ ] boring scenes where Adam Sandler was talking to people endlessly for hours just [ __ ] boring yeah it was more more cinematic looking than recent Adam Sandler movies though because it was directed by Chris Columbus who I guess his guy founded America the guy who found in America actually Chris Columbus this company is like 1492 productions or something like that but his best work was done in the 80s and who's directing the [ __ ] racist Indian film I didn't progress early on Peter Dinklage in 1982 beats Adam Sandler as a kid at the donkey kong world championship yeah and and and I'm saying I thought he was the best flash forward to the pac-man scene where they're all driving around little cars and they're the the lady what's her name Michelle Moines Michelle Moines Hannah's watching the screen and Peter Dinklage ghost car goes real fast which is not physically possible with a griot car right but anyways just how did he do that never mind and then I brought up later he on his inside of his sunglasses he has like mathematical formula which is a cheat code yeah and apparently he had used a cheat code in the 8th 1982 while playing Donkey Kong and he also used them on pac-man rich Evans you are pac-man expert yeah this is true about rich Evans I played a lot of pac-man he says he'd loved swallowing balls is there such a thing as a pacman cheat no there is no such thing as a pac-man cheat code I don't think any of those old arcade games had cheat codes well here's a better question how do you use a cheat code in reality to make a car go ultra fast because the car has a cheat code that's the like I'm okay like okay cheat code and pac-man whatever it doesn't make any sense but it's a movie but it's the reality of he uses a cheat code on his car that he's driving that was a terrible way to introduce the fact that he's a cheater yeah that's his character and that's fine as an angle he's a cheater they they well actually and makes no sense at the end either it is because at the end of the what's his name Adam Sandler he realizes he is the Donkey Kong champion he has that gives him that like confidence confidence to go ahead and fight the Donkey Kong and not be scared anymore so all that led to that which is fine oh no but see that's my real problem like you know what the cheat code works on the car because [ __ ] it it's a movie um oh I am okay with that because you know why it's a movie and I don't care I'm with richest base on this one it's yours cube can I kill it we'll try to stay true to the real games themselves in the context of doing something in a three-dimensional world yeah you know what else wasn't funny any time Qbert talked because Qbert talks now and they gave him whoever did his voice if I need to be I'm with cutesy boys yeah they gave me cutesy voice and I noticed that was the only thing that anyone in the theater responded to because our theater was like dead silent and occasionally when Qbert would say something in people like oh oh but but he's at a Doral he's an adorable character that everybody loves and then in the end he kind of gets erased and turned into a woman and everybody's happy about that yeah Josh GAD gets the woman as a trophy the woman is a literal trophy in the movie she's had a strong woman she's tough and nothing stops her I think it's important for girls to see that they can do anything the guys can do he [ __ ] a woman and then in the post credit thing he has Qbert babies apparently gave birth to Qbert babies you think Hubert by himself with just suffice I mean look at his mouth and plus you know she's not gonna talk afterwards describe cubed fellatio more I think this this is what we need what a weirdo what's III there is so little room left in my heart for Adam Sandler hate yeah yeah I will say like watching this like is there people go into Adam Sandler movies now people like us wanting to like hate them and rip them apart and there's a lot of that online right now for pixels it's almost not even worthy of getting angry about it's more just sort of like confusing and sad and boring sad yeah cuz because you look at Jack and Jill and a movie like that was was frustrating at how transparent the sleaze was and that was eye-opening for us it was very eye-opening this is is sad or pathetic it feels very pathetic it I like the pac-man sequence that was about it other than that I felt sorry for every actor in it you know we both talked about we're getting older men and we're gonna have to pull the plug someday but every time we do it we go ahem this idea is pretty fun and we get excited again Adam Sandler looks he's like the sad clown now yeah where he's not even trying and it's just it's like watching Orson Welles and doing a wine commercial like remember in any other movie where aliens attack the earth how the aliens first attack has a massive build-up to it and and there there's some excitement there's some tension in there because we don't know what's coming and and all of a sudden boom where the attack comes and remember how in pixels they just show up [ __ ] five minutes in and it's just like what is it Guam is that were there is this is Guam and then I just go wait a minute wait a minute you guys saying pixels [ __ ] something up is that your point that's the general consensus yes oh I know this changes everything well I think we're finally done talking about pixels you're fired what yeah but thank you so much for helping out at the shop we really appreciate it all right that's fair I guess but you guys do plan to pay us right you know for all the shifts we took I I don't recall ever discussing up payments I thought you guys just doing it because you blend us who are you kidding nobody likes you get out fine you win for now nerds we'll leave but first we'd like to go on the back we left some personal items back there we need to collect there next to your safe which we have the combination to okay that's no that's no problem I told you about guys are pushovers no paycheck nor VCR repair shop J and Mike you [ __ ] left me to freeze the death on that mountain and for that you're going to die bonds of Dahlia vicious son of a [ __ ] two fries manager take that mic and J you might have [ __ ] left me on a mountain to die almost starved to death and goddamn Nepal well that was disappointing I can't believe they have the only existing copy of the day the clown cried who cares is that worth anything it is the Jerry Lewis what the [ __ ] oh my god it's a bloodbath burn in hell you [ __ ] mr. plinkus what who's that who's talking I can't see anything my glasses are to frosted from the [ __ ] cold Oh why my name is Mark and I'm Jim Oh what do you guys do we repair VCRs oh oh that's great cuz I need my VCR fixed okay I'll make sense I'll be right back so call you

Channel: RedLetterMedia

Views: 3,234,633

Keywords: redlettermedia, red letter media, half in the bag, plinkett, mike stoklasa, jay bauman, rich evans, pixels, Adam Sandler (Celebrity), kevin james, happy madison, jack and jill

Id: i_UQRn3wDyQ

Length: 32min 6sec (1926 seconds)

Published: Mon Jul 27 2015

Reddit Comments

[u/tenyardsoflinen]

Holy shit. Tomorrow was ACTUALLY tomorrow!

[u/uncoolaidman]

"Close, she was in a Harmony Korine film."

"That's like an embarrassing porno."

[u/everyman50]

Mike shoehorns a Star Trek reference at 15:47. Take a shot! Also loved Jay's reaction - again with the Star Trek

[u/[deleted]]

I'm with Rich's face as well

[u/the_beard_guy]

Mark and Jim

[u/[deleted]]

/u/harlack is full of sausages. I fuckin' knew it.

[u/[deleted]]

I did not progress

[u/DarthOzai]

2 half in the bags in a week? I just came

[u/[deleted]]

It's finally here! I've been waiting to see how the Plinkett storyline would play out.