Half in the Bag Episode 55: Man of Steel

half in the bag I don't even know what the show is happening well gee I guess the lesson is if you want something done right let someone else do it [Music] lightning-fast VCR repair this is Mike how can I help you oh hi mr. blanket how are you what happened to your VCR at a wild crazy ironic party well of course we could fix it we'll stop by sometime tomorrow afternoon thanks see you then [ __ ] oh hi mr. plain KITT we're back to keep working on your VCR you know the one that we've been working on for three [ __ ] years Hey look at this Oh what that's a letter from the City of Milwaukee I thought Milwaukee was a state apparently they're gonna demolish blankets house and put a freeway right here oh my god yeah and the project is supposed to start today hey guys how you doing you ready to get back to work on my VCR yeah mr. blinker why aren't you packing packing why would I be packing J I think you forgot about the letter oMG I think you're right let me handle this okay mr. Plunkett we would love to start working on your VCR but we're required to tell you about a new policy at lightning fast oh yeah the new policy it's it's a big policy company why we just found out about it right this second yeah yeah it's about payments we are now requiring one month's worth of payments in advance Oh actually the dumbass got it wrong it's three months worth of payments in advance Jay I thought I was the monster oh yeah I think I heard about that yeah that all sounds reasonable but I don't have any checks I I'm all out I ordered more from the bank but I sent him to my old address old address sir plink it you've lived here for 37 years yeah back in 1976 I ordered 28,000 checks just used my last one yeah well I guess I better run to my old place then and grab those checks sure yeah that's five months in advance right Yeah right five months worth of work in advance absolutely $150 an hour mm-hmm just like always how long do you think it'll take you mr. blanket I don't know a couple hours I got a walk Oh perfect perfect we give you a ride but we're lazy ha J I'll be sad to see this scam go at least we get one final check from old mr. blinken Shay 8:47 Hauser streets you are next hey how come you guys haven't moved yet about to tear this place down oh we're just VCR repairman uh he said just to demolish all this with the house he said just smash it to [ __ ] pieces he doesn't give a [ __ ] put it in a landfill whatever it is you guys do yeah [ __ ] it yeah whatever I don't [ __ ] care all right let's get started here Mike we have to stall him or we're not gonna get our final check I won't be able to buy more crack Jane you smoke crack sure why not oh well let me uh let me let me try something okay okay sir sir sir Oh he was looking right at us oh oh that's the front of his face huh sir you look like a man who's been working hard today and you look like you could use a break do you like cold beer hmm I guess I do like cold beer well that's great cuz we do too and we have a lot of it back at our VCR repair shop yeah you should come with us and have a drink or twelve now I've been working for 15 minutes now I guess it's time for a break you know if we go on a break now though it's gonna delay the destruction of this house for hours do you care oh god no I'm with the Union I don't care about anything all right let's go yeah it's time to take a break sir [Music] why are you walking that way beer huh so sir have you had time to see any new movies lately yeah have you seen that new Superman movie that they're too embarrassed to call a Superman movie son I'm a union construction worker of course I've had time to see the new Superman movie I only work a few hours a day why do you think it takes us so long to fix the [ __ ] roads it's because we're never working goodbye my son hopes and dreams told you you'll be an outcast I'll kill him Wow I'll be a god to them the Man of Steel is the new reboot of a remake - a sequel of Superman it stars henry cavill amy adams a 711 logo and kevin costner as a Sears logo in this film Superman punches a bunch of energy while metropolis is destroyed and all of its citizens die except for Laurence Fishburne and a secretary General Zod also wants the Kodak to save Krypton so Jay what did you think of the Man of Steel oh man this movie is like you know those simulators they have at carnivals and stuff where you get in it's like you're on a simulation that you're on a roller coaster or something watching this movie is like a like a simulation of what it must be like to completely lose your [ __ ] mind oh my god you're going along just fine you're normal and then just like that something in your brain snaps and it's all downhill rich it's a celebration of excess that's putting it mildly these both sound like they could be good things or bad things though they're bad things they're very bad good let me clarify my opinion of this film okay well let me just say I did not like this movie at all in fact you could say I hated this movie I hated it quite a bit probably the worst film I've seen this summer maybe not the whole year possibly the whole year it was loud it was stupid not in a Michael Bay stupid way but it was just kind of like it was dumb it was blunt and and obvious and just poorly written and annoying I couldn't stand the ending I just wanted to cover my eyes and close my ears obviously there because of Christopher Nolan's involvement there trying to do a darker more realistic twist on Superman and you don't do that with a guy who flies around in tights and a cape well the big surprise was I as the movie is going along it was pretty much exactly what I was expecting I was like okay they're doing the dark serious Superman thing I get it and then on a dime it turns to the complete schlock like immediately did you laugh at all in the end sir yes I just couldn't believe what was happening it really was like it just took a turn on a dime I guess we should say before we continue that the rest of this review is going to be spoilers yeah so watch at your own risk and if you do watch Superman bring a sleeping mask and earplugs my son was in the bus he saw what Clark did you're the answer son you're the answer to are we alone in the universe I just keep pretending I'm your son you are my son essentially there's three different movies here the first chunk is on Krypton and that was so [ __ ] weird I kind of liked it it was it was really weird but it was played completely straight which made it sort of border on camp and I kind of liked that stuff and then the middle chunk of the movie is boring drama boring you are meant to be something someday the world will be able to know about you but not now that's the actual dialogue from the script and then the final portion of the movie is the nonstop over-the-top action which is taken two levels of XS that I don't recall seen in recent movies well firstly firstly demolish Smallville completely destroyed Smallville and then they completely destroy half of Metropolis I said more than half yeah well it's hard to tell we don't know how big metropolis is in this movie but it is like 9/11 times 100 you see it's not like like you have these these you know big action that means like the Avengers or something where they're running around the entire city but any vendors you don't have building after building completely collapsing and and just rubble everywhere and is Superman really the the proper venue to draw 911 comparisons the world needs a hero is it appropriate i yeah I don't know the world needs a hero but Superman's not a hero in this one he doesn't actually save any of these people no he doesn't even seem to notice or care he's on the other side of the world trying to punch a giant laser well I guess he's stopping the terraforming device from breaking the world apart which would probably kill more people but we need those we need the direct direct connection no we need Superman saving someone from a burning building and like oh okay we got it yeah I have to believe that you were sent here for a reason and even if it takes the rest of your life you'll owe it to yourself to find out what that reason is this movie is tailor-made to make trailers out of mm-hmm do you not I mean I kept seeing all those moments you know like when he puts his suit on like he finds it in a ship and he puts a suit on and jor-el tells him jor-el is his father who's played by Russell Crowe jor-el gets murdered in the beginning and then they said oh we shouldn't have killed him because we need someone to have expository dialogue I think he was more alive after he died he actually has more screen time as a ghost I mean the original the original Superman movie the Richard Donner movie he does talk to to Cowell it's like a pretty easily computer program yeah basically a crystal computer program it's his face and then that's the same thing but in this it's like he's evoking memories and you killed me yeah that computer it's like then well they say his consciousness and his memories are implanted into this thing sounds like okay and the original film it's Marlon Brando and a crystal yes and Marlon Brando is drunk and talking through a crystal and now now it's just they're just like [ __ ] that let's just have Russell Crowe appear on the site he'll just be standing there his consciousness and his memories and his soul were transmitted into a computer before he died I guess so that he's alive again and he tells he just says you are Superman he tells Brandon Ralph this he says you you are Superman and and you can you can fly around because the sun's radiation gives you gives you power here's the suit you should put this on and then you should go out and discover your power so it goes out there and he's like and then they have that shot where he puts his fist on the ground and that shot was tailor-made for a transit trailers and then all that dialogue preceding that scene was also tailor-made you were meant for great things kal-el you were meant to save them put that over this dude yeah I've got a trailer and when went but when you actually see the movie it's a big piece of crap you will give the people of Earth an ideal to strive towards they'll race behind you it will stumble they will fall in time they will join you in the Sun in time it will help them accomplish wonders [Music] something I thought about with the Christopher Nolan Batman movies and I like them for the most part but I was thinking about it where it's like oh kids don't have Batman anymore they don't have a Batman anymore and now kids don't have a Superman anymore like what were you saying about Superman I was saying Superman is was basically created before like 7 year olds I mean it's a concept that appeals to children not I mean Batman I can see you can see where you can make that work for an adult because it's fairly gothic it's about a guy who dresses up like a bat but Superman the concept is is basically it's what they call power fantasy it means you can't make me go to bed I'm Superman I mean they're they're projecting themselves and yeah it's good for little kids and even even the older Superman fans I think they appreciate it more as like a symbolic thing Superman you know he stands for truth justice in the American Way and not anymore he doesn't he's he's more a concept than a character now and I think when you try and do an ultra realistic Superman and make him a real person I I think it all just falls apart yeah it doesn't work if it's not for me it actually just feels more more creepy than anything there's there's a scene at the end of the movie that I think has a lot of creepy implications it's like after after the day has kind of been saved Superman takes a military spy satellite and he finally crashes it into the ground in front of a military general and he's like you know you can't spy on me I'm gonna do whatever the [ __ ] I want to anybody he should transcend beyond that a little and sort of become a protector or someone that looks over everybody as opposed to this like this beard stubble like homeless man well by the end of the movie he does save Lois Lane you know hundreds of thousands of people are dead around ash is raining from the sky of all these dead people and a city that's been completely demolished but at least Lois Lane got to kiss him yeah he didn't save anybody I was just at that point I was just staring at the movie like yeah I was astounded it was like really cuz it's not I mean you have levels of destruction in all these movies but this one really makes a point of showing it in detail I guess idea is the ultra realistic Superman like if you were in these big epic Superman battles this will be the result but when you play it completely straight it's just like like sad and unsettling what Chris and David did was let's let the audience participate in the experience of being a Superman without breaking the things that make him Superman they were able to sort of make him relatable the phones too big mommy can make it smile focus on my voice pretend it's an island out in the ocean can you see it too many scenes of exposition a pointless Lois Lane character Lois Lane exists in this movie solely to have people deliver exposition to her exactly they gave her the superpower of teleportation in this movie wherever someone needs to deliver exposition Lois Lane is there so they can say explain it to her and then she's gone she shows up on a tiny little set that the studio built that encompasses a gigantic city of destruction she's also places she shouldn't be because the script needs her to do something oh yeah there there's she's on Zod says Lois Lane needs to come on my ship why so that Russell Crowe can tell her how to arm the bomb and send them back to their own galaxy or whatever the [ __ ] was happening the movie she's on the the fighter jets he's on the yeah or some reason no reason whatsoever Leterrier Sanel yeah she's on there so she can get sucked out and Superman has mates yes so in addition to all these wonderful things that made the script flow like pacing problems rearranged scenes big dumb loud ending that went on for 40 minutes the general plot of the movie of the general idea was always lost on me and I don't know like it always seemed just like this big contradiction like Batman I mean compared to Batman okay yeah that's fair with this movie yeah Batman he's like a guy with two personalities he fell into a bad cave his parents got killed he's terrified of bats but so he becomes a weird vigilante you completely understand his character Superman you don't really understand you can't relate to him and Russell Crowe sent him to earth for inexplicable reasons it almost becomes like a self-fulfilling prophecy like you have to save these people but they wouldn't need saving if he didn't come there in the first place like like I like I like the idea yeah it's like they're doing fine we have the head up we haven't had a world war in sixty years yeah okay no we're doing okay you know we got some problems but we don't we don't need our cities destroyed or we don't need a a weirdo with a bad haircut to shoot a laser through our planet we're okay but so the basic story to me is very simple the the original basic story and I don't know comic-book legends or whatever but I'm just what's in my brain I like the idea of Krypton is blowing up on itself right and and jor-el and Correll and Paul L and kal-el whoever the [ __ ] this parents are what's his mother's name we'll call her MA l mano pile and ma l have to send their little baby off the planet because they got this little thing that could fly him off the planet okay and then he just happens to land on earth he lands on earth and is raised by people from Kansas right he's a space alien who has superpowers and he learns to become supermen and save the day nice and simple in this one it's overly complicated and it ruins the simplicity of it and it makes it become a contradiction because what does he do he take there's like a black skull and he turns it into a Miss it's it's got all of the Kryptonian DNA because some kind of the skull someone like Krypton an ancestor like Neanderthal scholars yeah I think it's implied yeah yeah yeah and then they put all of the Kryptonian DNA from the skull and the baby Superman via Krypton magic Sevilla Krypton magic so so that genetic information can live on with him okay and then and then Russell Crowe picks the planet this one seems like it'll work or they've been there before even they've sent a probe ship there tens of thousands of years ago but then there's this like lofty speech these lines about you were meant to lead them they will follow you into the Sun jar and you're like what were you trying to save the DNA what were you trying to send a Jesus like figure to there to this planet if so don't you know that this guy who wants to kill this baby is probably going to come after him you know like all sorts of bad [ __ ] it's gonna rain down on earth because you sent the baby there what's that what's the ultimate goal the moral of the movie is humanity needs an inhuman space God like Jesus to show us how to live I don't understand where you guys are getting the Jesus analogies from there wasn't any of that in the movie oh well do you remember the part where Superman goes into a church oh he talks to a priest and the the visionary director Zack Snyder has Superman's head next to Jesus in profile and double profile I know I that was like a film student shopping instead of Superman integrating with society it's like they're the movies elevating him above everybody he's better than us and we had ever hoped to be we have to try and live up to this weird alien or else we'll throw things at also destroy our cities I can't wait for the sequel to this when he has to fight lex luthor and lex luthor's a wacky scheme steal the diamond they destroy they level Smallville in this they level metropolis but look out for Lex Luthor my son was in the bus he saw what Clark did you have to keep this side of yourself a secret what was I supposed to do just let him die maybe yeah I miss I miss when Clark Kent was a reporter with The Daily Planet and he was wacky and had to hide his secret identity and then someone said Superman someone called Superman that buildings on fire you know and he has to go whoo-whoo I got to get out of here where did Clark go you know underneath that would be far too fun there's no fun allowed in movies anymore that should be on the poster no no no Superman just has to mope and be told that you are destined to be something important in every scene someone has to tell them that do you remember when we thought Superman Returns was mopey the most damning thing you can say about Man of Steel is that it makes super rain returns look good mm-hmm in hindsight I'm glad they didn't try and dig up that the John Williams theme oh yeah oh that would have been so it's so out of place or can you imagine like be at the end of that movie when like buildings are collapsing and everybody's saying 9/11 Superman is like the ultimate hero he's the gold-standard is the the original superhero and there's nothing more Olek about this movie there's not one damn thing it's just depressing and miserable it's him fighting evil space aliens and and tons and tons of collateral damage in both property and human form and and that's another thing too the one of the most awkward and stupid and pointless parts of this movie is the newspaper editor played by Lawrence Laurence Fishburne and friends are highlighted in the destruction scene right oh yes yeah it's like there are the Daily Planet characters that we've sort of been introduced to there we saw them in one scene earlier so now we have to care about them yeah and and so they show space laser come down and it goes and it leaves a 50 mile wide crater what kill that knocks over every building yeah not only that you see people flying up into the sky and then means slammed into the concur repeatedly and that's like you see this big massive shot of the city and there's this hole in the middle the rubble of a hundred buildings that cuts through this little scene which is like shot in a soundstage there were someone set up a low pile of rubble and the and the little secretary girls caught under the rubble help me pry me out with the shovel I'll get a shovel it's like someone like that when they made this they're like oh yeah there needs to be humans in this movie right and no attempt is given to make us care at all like it keeps cutting to him why are we supposed to care about these people you know you know for everybody who's who's bitched about the iron man movie I mean I don't know how you could like this and and hate Iron Man Iron Man 3 is an interesting character it's it's it's got wit doesn't feel so interest doesn't it feel so quaint know compared to this nonsense feels like a movie made in the 20s compared to this I mean you can hate Iron Man all you want just because they didn't do the comic book Mandarin but it is so much more fun to watch yeah Iron Man 3 there yeah this movie was completely joyless as far as the superhero movie goes it has well it's not a superhero movie no it's a space invasion movie it's an alien invasion movie I mean it's closer to Independence Day than anything else yeah you look at the suit without the cape you realize it's not Superman but you know what I think the underwear outside the pants is something that maybe can go the reason why his underwears on the outside of his pants it's left over from Victorian era strongmen I probably looked at hundreds of versions with underwear and fell by the board's because I couldn't make it consistent with the world that we were created so there's that part where rosada and friends show up at mock Kent's house and then they killed the dog and they throw the pickup truck into the house and blow it up okay that just and then Superman was like yeah I'm like yay he's gonna save mockin and he knocks odd and he starts punching him in the face and he calls him a [ __ ] [ __ ] this is so violent it just happened like and I was I didn't even know that it was a just getting started and it reminded me of that scene and into darkness when when Spock is like punching Khan in the face and you're just thinking like mr. Spock Superman I pictured them as little stickers on a fridge and here they're just like beating people in the face with their fists like is that what this has come to mic nothing says Superman like throwing a truck through and destroying his elderly mother's house but in the movie that's not a big deal really things can be replaced he's like not people oh do you mean those 7 million people in Metropolis actually I have to go now Superman return to his home planet those are some scenes reference so the headlines the day the day after aren't going to be Man of Steel saves the city the headlines are going to be creepy alien harbors the doom of us all well that was funny is you have the destruction of Smallville he completely demolishes the whole city and then the military guys like you're the hero we need like really he's at least partially responsible for all of this this man isn't our enemy he is our friend he just completely demolished your train station we wanted to have real places we don't want Superman to crash into a fictitious location we talked about product placement in this movie it was pretty obnoxious I product placements fine by me if it's very subtle and woven and you know seamlessly right we've talked about that before yeah sure I'm okay with it but this this this movie why does this movie need product placement well you know there's that that just take one shot of Superman flow it's a CG shot mm-hmm I hop paid for one of those shots yeah I guess so I guess the sort of 7-eleven 7-eleven patron I'm sure they have I'm sure they have a little super gulp big gulp oh sure Superman on it and you know every shot we had 7-eleven in the background in Smallville and then the IHOP the IHOP's involved in the storyline it felt it felt so like dated like that that heavy of product placement you really see that too much anymore oh that's like that sequence in Mac and me when they're dancing in the McDonald's [Music] how do we feel about the the ending ending with with like I guess we're spoiling everything that it's all spoilers or Superman just outright brig suds Nick oh yeah that I was wasn't bothered by that that much because it was sort of a last resort thing what bothers me is that I guess it supposed to be tense because oh no Zod might kill those four people hundreds of people of all right everybody's dead I don't give a [ __ ] about these four people we've never even seen before other what bothers me about it because if it bothered me yeah you can you can do that Superman having to kill the enemy but you have to establish ahead of time that he doesn't like killing mm-hmm I mean it needs to be a thing like I don't know Superman I think the only way you can stop him is by killing him there's no other way and you have to set that up instead it just happens nowhere at the end of the movie he just goes and he snaps his neck he screams like I compared to the end of Superman - and and the ending relative of this one was very low-key they didn't need a gigantic fight with Zod that leveled a city it was just a little showdown at the fortress of solitude Superman played a little trick and they did a clever little thing where you thought he was gonna kneel before Zod he turns the tables and they did something that was mildly clever and emotionally I was just like yeah does this guy know that it's not the 1970s anymore rich special effects that go on for two and a half hours and out knows is more satisfying because it's more engaging the filming more things happening on the screen there's so much action explosion that was stupid at the end I smashed his hand those boring you see how many buildings fell down and Mandarin everyone you've just been waiting for a movie to have the Mandarin I'm gonna happen ruin that now what it will have to wait for [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] so Mike would you recommend the man-on-man Oh steel no I would recommend this movie to no one usually I put a little asterisk and say you know little kids might like it or yeah I would recommend it to like super I guess Richard let me ask you this there's been a lot of Superman comic books over 80 years right and I know when Superman died the death of Superman wasn't he beaten to death by a monster yes so Superman isn't all like we're portraying it as like Superman I'm your hero I'm here to save you from a branch be fair that was done as like a shock gimmick though I don't know that that's the true representation but I'm sure a typical Superman comic sure I'm sure in all the comic books though there have been some Superman adventures that have turned into like the characters been around for close to 80 years they've done a lot of different things with the character but but typically typically he's not done that that dark of that great so there might be the the mindless drooling fanboy out there who wants to see Superman punch someone through a building great somebody's neck while yelling savagely yeah shooting laser beams out of his eyes and smashing throwing trains around and just being seeing a comic-book character come to life and it's truest violent it's for those people that are out there yes they should have been a Hulk movie oh yeah it's a level of distress yeah that's true cuz Superman made no effort to safeguard citizens no no he did not fly off the earth and go you want me God you've got to fight me on my terms dude let's go to the moon we're under snow people are would've been great if he did do that and they got Zod off the planet and then the rest of their fight was shot like the fight in Superman for all these amazing visual effects where they can do anything but then once they get to the moon it's just like where you can see the black backdrop that would have been great I don't mind an action movie I like it you know but I had to turn my senses off and then there was like a like a 80 year old grandpa that came and sat down a couple seats over and you know I'm sure he remembers the black-and-white Superman George George Reeves or George Reeves Superman he knocked a door down it's kind of it's it's unfortunate sort of a missed opportunity with this because now we are at a point with special effects where you can have Superman do these amazing things but it's it's you so poorly in this movie and appropriately in this movie yeah where he's doing things you don't want to see Superman do yeah like knock entire buildings over because he's got to get Zod [ __ ] all the people in the building yeah well and and like I mentioned Superman flying around the earth backwards to reverse time like I think it's a it's a third one where he goes crazy and turns evil yes and he goes around and he he straightens the Leaning Tower of Pisa and he doesn't does he lift the Statue of Liberty up and has to put it back I don't know Superman moments and and this movie like they there was too focused on brooding and dark and and punching and punching and just smashing and exploding where it lacked those like I said should have been a Hulk movie Hulk movie just senseless destruction Superman clever heroic yes an adventurous stuff happening and that's why it's like the old man fell asleep or died like who I felt so sorry for him he comes to this and it's like a nightmare it's like he's reliving World War two up on the street and then the little child down in the front wanted to leave yeah he a mommy I don't you know and then just general audiences no yeah me either maybe maybe if you have the right sense of humor just the the the extremes the ending goes to make you laugh a few times I laughed a lot during the nd and it just how wrong everything was and I think you were laughing a lot too where it's just amazing you have to stand back in awe I can't believe they're doing Superman yes exactly so it was sort of interesting on that level you can't you can't even do this simple Superman orange and anymore it's got to have a space battle in it yeah it can't just be all the planets gonna blow up we only have time to save our child they can't even do that thing Zod's gonna shoot everybody in the council and no jor-el has to fight for his life and oh no he got stabbed that he's dying and for the baby Superman's eyes and they can't just have a nice simple origin anymore nice simple story it's gotta be boom boom I don't know [ __ ] which leads to completes emotional disconnects from everything that's happening on screen no no it no likable or interesting characters nothing to root for and and just completely action that's so excessive that it just you grow numb to it yeah very very concise and good description everyone could have just watched that [Laughter] so as a construction worker when you're watching the end of this movie were you just like oh boy that's gonna take a while to fix construction all right I'm a construction worker oh god I have to get back to work oh god thanks for the beer oh yeah and we should probably get back to plank and get our check oh right yeah let's go mr. Plunkett we're back did you get your new checks oh there he is [Music] hi mr. blanket did you get our check oh oh that won't be necessary any longer guys I was talking to the construction workers outside they're gonna tear down my house to put a freeway through here very sorry to hear that mr. blanket yeah where are you gonna go now wherever the road takes me I guess gentlemen your services are no longer required okay well it's time to get to work [Music] god I love my job

Channel: RedLetterMedia

Views: 2,427,560

Rating: 4.7447619 out of 5

Keywords: redlettermedia, red, letter, media, mr. plinkett, plinkett, half in the bag, half, in, bag, mike stoklasa, jay bauman, rich evans, man of steel, zack snyder, christopher nolan, chris nolan, star wars, movie, review, reviews

Id: l4u-HLm8maE

Length: 39min 30sec (2370 seconds)

Published: Mon Jun 24 2013

Reddit Comments

[u/TheJerkiestJerk]

Also, don't forget that all the destruction is creating copious amounts of jobs.