LOGAN PAUL AND MIKE SETTLE THE BEEF - IMPAULSIVE EP. 175

oh he just [ __ ] all over you man bad it's on your sleeve I'm so sorry hey man this is what this is what comes with being a bird owner as a former bird owner myself I respect his decision it's it's I don't like it it's not it's not bad we're gonna fix this come to Daddy oh that's right you're a dad now and a daddy come on come fly to that girl dang he flew to uncle or did he fly to dad you are a daddy welcome back to impulsive the number one podcast in the world that's facts our episodes been killing it lately glad you guys are enjoying it glad you guys got to see a side of GP in our last episode I'm a Greg Paul my father that you may not have known he's a wise guy he's a profound guy he's a funny guy he's a goofball but he also has a very stern serious side to him that uh you know raised Jake and I but yeah there's a lot of stuff going on in the Maverick house there's a couple people that came back from where they were we'll get to that shortly this is the probably the newest thing if you guys saw the vlog I have a new a new parrot a new pet parrot which is a big deal because my bird maverick the parrot is the staple of my life my brand the word means so much to me and so getting this African Grey who we've named sir is is is massive this is a big pivotal moment in my life that is symbolic of the evolution that we've had in our content and here buddy whoa whoa right bra he to Pawnee hopped off my fingers he keep you see he doesn't know really uh anything especially with his muscles he's so uncoordinated I've on God have never seen an animal this uncoordinated like worse than worse than the puppies I see at the Animal Protection Utley worse than any of the pets I've had when they were young he is a baby he's three months old and his lifespan is 50 years so he's brand-new to the world he's learning everything he doesn't really know how to fly he's rented the fridge a couple times and we've we've been closing his cage when we're not around him obviously because of what happened in the African [ __ ] and then there's like he I don't trust him this is fascinating I hope this is the new norm what's he doing he's just on your head and he's beautiful yeah so the reason I have wanted this this type of bird for so long is because they're smart it can speak up to a thousand words they have intellect of a five-year-old and have very distinct personalities personality you know but yeah I've been devoting all my energy to becoming his father I am a bird guy it's weird like do you think women my age will think that's weird honest honestly um I think a person that respects and loves animals will understand your connection with the this beautiful beast Annie do you think it's weird be honest is it weird how much I like birds she says no all right I just like I feel like I'm a cat lady is what I've been saying and I it's different when you have a laser Hawk right and that's it that's a piece of velociraptor just kind of evolve a little bit more smaller but just majestic you know look at that thing yeah way cool so so this is obviously one exciting thing that's happened in our life and I guess another like pretty cool exciting thing you guys probably should have realized by now Mike's back oh sup [ __ ] he's so he's to my left there is and he's been gone for a week - I mean what like elope with Lana roads or how's that going do you hate each other yet or I mean hey man I gotta make ends meet somehow I've been homeless so next to an extent oh you so you have been sleeping on the streets no I put I mean as you could tell by my unkempt hair and my Grizzly Adams [ __ ] beard yeah you look raggedy I'm turning into a [ __ ] optical illusion of what I once was I'm not even a human anymore but also Joe mullet Joe Dirt over here what the hell is going on with your phone no bueno dude I I commend the people who still look good in this quarantine do not have a weird thoughts I was this close to giving myself a bowl cut a [ __ ] Boca cuz I don't care I'm like who do I have to look good for I'm not going out to the club and I turn to impress girls like and I have a month plus to regrow my hair I might do I I think I'm gonna do a handstand and shave my mullet with an electric razor for a tick-tock are you still a tick-tock addict is that yeah I am like and the last one popped off 25 million views 25 million are you off to another follower account just eight million and so with the 8 million the 25 million did you miss a lot I guess my question is you know when did the ad sense checks come in so oh yeah that's [ __ ] right you don't make money make it [ __ ] tick tock I think you do I don't think I'm smart enough to monetize I don't know like [ __ ] someone help me it'd be great if you'd had done something like this before we like maybe figure out how to monetize you know a platform with short form video content yeah cuz I just I don't want to do I don't want to do brand deals and sponsors anymore and speaking of that sports have come to a screeching halt this basketball bench and pitchers off the mound but our friends at my bookie aren't going to let it get you down stay sane and stay entertained with access to your favorite games like blackjack roulette slots war and more it doesn't matter whether you're out on the front end or quarantine at home the fun does not have to come to an end with my bookie you can trust the industry leaders and times like these they're reliable upright and the best of all they pay fast when you win visit my bookie AG and use promo code Logan for a 150 percent bonus on your first casino deposit that's promo code Logan to receive a hundred fifty percent cash bonus on your first deposit you can claim those extra funds all the way up to 750 bucks from one code Logan to activate the offer you spin you win you get paid [ __ ] you guys that Joe Rogan clipped yesterday I know you watch excited from the other room and then I watched it where he's kind of showing off the first time a podcast was really starting to come together fascinating unbelievable but you thought his message was about like how everything has become so corporate and this was actually a great Avenue to be able to express because because everything that you want to without any sort of what's that called interference here yeah yeah yeah so what he was describing was when the platform becomes slave to the advertisers because it's how they make money it's dangerous honestly like YouTube is here like in and they have to listen to what they advertise what he's eating your head and and also at the same time that bird scared I haven't been introduced him yeah he scares me you haven't even said hi I'm say hi what's his name sir hi sir I'm not gonna lie to you as you remember I wasn't the biggest fan of Maverick he's not just why I instructed ginger the dog to eat him as the fans all no no but honestly like this I'm scared the talent zone I don't know what is he gonna do does he flaming fire this one's a sweetheart that's it this is this animal right here is by far the best pet that I've ever had this early on and so as long as we don't [ __ ] up and acclimate him the right way and introduce him to people and train him the right way but he's gonna be a gem like do you notice how quiet he is yes yeah I like that in this morning though he wasn't he was peeping a lot he gets excited he was just peeping for 30 minutes straight oh yeah he's awesome bro what he's got a thing he has been gone we had a little rift and you guys don't know the story like it's you you you say it but we've made it appear to revolve around this shrimp that he got me for my birthday like I kick my god house and like left because of how I reacted to you can probably guess that's not the full story but why don't you dive in a little bit and do this monologue we went back and forth on if we wanted to even do this but there's been a lot of chatter online a lot of people talking about it and I wrote something because as you guys know I sometimes can get wordy or ramble or not hit the right points on things like this that are very serious so I'm gonna read this really quickly I want to keep this shortened to the point as you know I do sometimes tend to ramble a bit the past two weeks have been tough not being on the show after all we've worked towards has been even tougher what started as an idea simply to get a friend a gift spiraled into something much greater the shrimp being the catalyst for our fight was always a fun storyline as you just said but it was never the real reason any of this happened how I felt and still feel Logan responded to the gifts that day upset me to a point that I said things and acted in a way that was unsuitable and outside of my character as a result Logan asked for some space and that is what created the absence you've witnessed I've learned several things from our little battle and even more from the resulting time away first of all I can't expect people to act the same way as me how I accept gifts is now how others accept gifts and so on and so forth the fact that I was driven to anger by that is on a acceptable and something I'll continue to work on this leads me to another massive understanding I'm a work in progress I continue to struggle and find ways to cope with my own severe anxiety and other internal issues that sometimes drive me to act improperly angrily or interrupts or have outbursts I'm not perfect and I never will be but I will try every day to get better but my biggest learning this week has been to remember who I really am over the past week I've faced a bunch of negative words from people I once confused as friends I once again confused as friends and even some fans I've literally had to step back from the online audience this week to remind myself I'm a good person with extremely sound intentions that's just trying to do the best I can like everybody else anyways like I said let's move on nobody can argue that Logan and I are stronger together we but we bring differing views different life experiences and simply make each other better let's all coexist cut the [ __ ] and focus on what really matters I was putting on a dope show that people want to tune in and forget about the [ __ ] that consumes their day can we please get back to work I think we're doing that right now yeah it looks like yes so there's there's a there's a lot of big takeaways from this um obviously I mentioned this in the last podcast bro when you're on the podcast you're polarizing when you're off the podcast you're polarizing it makes no [ __ ] sense like like I told the people like make up your minds do you like Mike or do you not here's here's the solution if you don't like him shut up or don't watch a show like we don't want to hear anymore what we do want and what we do value is constructive criticize if you have something to say that you think any of us could be doing better on this show please tell us but comments basically insulting a person's character with no critique that's just mean that's just mean like addressing the problem with not offering a solution it's it's the word it's called complaining it's called [ __ ] whining like we've complained about complainers plenty of times here are we complainers no because here's my solution I just I just gave it my solution is stop complaining and provide us with something that we can work with to be better so we suit your needs and the things that you want I do I do want to defend some those fans a little bit in that there have been a bunch that have offered that creative criticism there have been a lot of for sure detractors of mine that have had problems with interruptions on the show it's something I continue to work on I don't think anyone in the audience can even begin to understand what it is like being on a show with three or four or five people all with huge energies all with their own personalities all struggling to find the right timing of when to jump in Logan has a creative direction I have a creative direction we're all trying our absolute best to make this work and I am trying very hard to not step on toes it is not as easy as people think it no it's not this and this is the what this is a project where like vlogs vlog Channel specifically that channel can live and breathe on its own the only the only staple on the vlog Channel is me absolutely like that's the spine it will continue to go people come in and out and the channel will always survive and thrive this one bro you've been here since zero so it was a bit hard for me and I had to push myself to a level of entertainer that I had it before and I had to come with a lot of ammunition perfect like bro after the pocket the first one we did without you I went you ask it I dropped you if y'all saw that I was talking a lot you crushed it though thank you you did great I wanted to make sure I did a good job because you know when you uh you you get dumped or you break up with your girlfriend and then you hit the gym and you want to look as good as possible as possible so when she sees you doing well she's like god dang it and I did but dude I think another another thing is you you talk about the polarizing nature I have a lot of hot takes I'm very [ __ ] loud and very expressive very opinionated and I can completely understand how people can be polarized by that I also do firmly believe that our audience is built of a map from a massively broad and expanding age and life experience set I think that that there are people out there who have been Logan Paul fans and are still 17 and are probably like yo this dude Mike is to be my dad he's trying to tell me how to do things in my life and then I think there's thirty four and forty year olds and 26 year olds out there that say yo Mike's been through the [ __ ] wringer made it out he does [ __ ] that I want to hear about so I like him and I and I would I hope and and by the way there's 40 year olds that like you and hate me as well it's all over the place so I what I hope to do and what I hope we're able to do is find the balance between comedy and between saying things that mean something to us and hitting the entire audience and making everybody happy that's been our goal since day one one one last piece I'll put on it quickly is their hat I've struggled a lot with some of the detractors talking about me talking about mental health too much or talking about heroin addiction too much or my own addiction in my own dark days as you know over the past 40 or 50 episodes when I say something about one of those things it's generally a 15 to 30 second blurb it is short it does not control the room it doesn't deteriorate the conversation whatsoever well those 30 second comments Drive comments in the YouTube section about how people are tired of hearing it they also drive inbox messages of mine from people saying what you said yesterday made me stop shooting heroin or what you said six months ago continues to make me not want to cut myself I will not censor those 30-second remarks I will not do it and if you can't stomach a fifteen to thirty second remark every episode or two or three episodes about my past then I do not want you to watch this show turn it off that's that that's where I stand on it I try to do my best to balance humor as well as as everything else that we have to talk about on the show but I do not want to stop telling people out there who are having a hard time that things are gonna get [ __ ] better and I won't stop [ __ ] doing it I still want you guys to watch the show but what's what well said very well say like it's hard for those people to hear that I promise there's so much more it's hard for people that haven't lived a life like you Mike to understand that mindset but like you said the public sentiment is not echoing what's coming into your private inbox that you know even changing or helping save one person's life is a thank you these kids are not as boisterous and as loud as the comment makers to share in the YouTube public comment section hey man you helped me with my severe self-mutilation or my severe addiction to methamphetamine and day out that this that are so all of our storylines you to our storyline is doing the same thing when you talk about struggles that you've been again so I just uh all I'm trying to say is I want to find the right balance I want everybody to be happy and that is what I'm working on doing that's it nice I I so so I mean I don't know how much we want to like dive into the [ __ ] that took place but like some takeaways is like friendship I mean if you're perfect ideally your friendship is always on the up and up but I think I got a real healthy friendship should should have its ups and it's downs oh absolutely you guys have spent the past 1 2 3 years together every single day on each other's [ __ ] dicks bro for two years apart at what point perfect push you through the chair that was hilarious the girl who I've been instructed by the fans also not to mention ever again on the show said to me that that fight should have been far worse we got physical you have a that's a that's a good dude thing yeah yeah that's a good we walked away 5 minutes later we're fine yeah nah but this this um a micro problem from a micro shrimp led to a macro problem on multiple levels and so I guess like I'm I'm proud and I will Pat both of us on the back for how we handled this like [ __ ] adults and there was no like why I left team maverick video or me like using you for clickbait in any ways and by the way I'm gonna for Wednesday's vlog it will say Mike came back I'm like let's not say there were a couple $6 shrimp jokes thrown into the car but that's bro like it's kind of like with confidence it's almost like ignoring it it seems inauthentic of course so I might as well address it in a way that's authentic to me and that's that's through comedy and and you did too bro you said you said he what was the thing you said we were left and right here in the garage sling and left and right insults at each other and I said come to think about come to think of it he was just slinging left insults he didn't swing a single right in Seoul but yeah you're back and we have a we have replaced you with a parrot sorry Mike was unbeautiful listed names Mike wasn't listen name especially on the very back and it's the only one on that page yeah sure from Michelangelo though I'm concerned about a lot of people being disappointed that his name came out to be sir but he just is a sir like we've we've we've been with him for three days and woman ohyou asserts or doctor mister is his full name let me sir the great cuz he's an African great but we're coming up with names and naming pecks is [ __ ] hard like if you all have your name pets you you got to feel out their personality and like with maverick we got lucky ginger was like perfect bro Lee seems to fit him but this one was difficult because I'm thinking I'm like do we give him a human name like an Isaac cuz he's smart like Isaac Newton or like Theodore like Theodore Roosevelt and then I'm thinking about me cuddling next to my pair and being like I love you Isaac and like saying I'm saying a dude's name and that context didn't seem right for me to sir make you feel better thanks sir I love cuddling my sir it's a little less it's a good sport its formal bro like I'll I'll caught it with my Butler right and he'll wait my boys but like if I ever have a boiler like we'll cuddle I think we got a pot you you kind of fell off the rails or T's game to me man yeah are you guys doing I'm great I love this I have not even noticed that the days are changing you just kind of all flown together not a big deal so so as you said earlier I was eight I was out of the house I've been I've been out guys I can't imagine what it's like to be uh to be not living this house and be stuck with a car like I mean I'm how y'all not killed each other it went it went surprisingly well I think I think she since she was married or by the way is is still man home wrecker right I love him she knows the positive things to do for a man and also how to avoid the negatives and so like when I wake up in the morning there's food already ready Wow it's already on the counter she's already Post mated coffee she's already done it right and if and if she notices that I'm starting to stress out I think I'm gonna go play sims for a little while in the bedroom gone gone for five hours and I just work on my [ __ ] and then you know hide your space yeah it was good you but she's vicious matter out of it that she does she's an expert does she make the Sims [ __ ] dude I know she does she has a cheat code she plays with a cheat code it's a little thing that arrives in the mailbox and you clicked the mailbox and it says fulfill all life's needs and she clicks it and they're extremely happy that happened to her in real life two facts is there any way we can get more of those but her or one of the Sims the Sims 16th birthday party there was a fire at the house called shut the phone and she was really upset about did she end up like erasing the door to keep them in the fire all kinds of [ __ ] but I mean so well she does that it's it's like it's a whole world there's a whole world out there I don't believe it I never will I went for walks I did a whole bunch of stuff and more than anything I hit this quick I don't even know how you're gonna feel about this but all I did was watch Dave Portnoy Noel president you had a big moment the stool the sparse stool president de L press L he does all day is I about a week ago he put his address out and people anybody was able to start sending him boxes to his house and so every night he does the unboxing and it'll be anything machete swords [ __ ] wu-tang clan CDs bird it's like that's a great idea I will say Portenoy is like when I see him on those lives I'm concerned oh yeah I he's he's he's one Dave I love you but when I look at him on those lives it looks like the quarantines gotten to him oh yeah he needs help but yeah so maybe we should send him mum pizza oh he's doing those he's doing these Pizza frozen pizzas but but that is a part of his comment he's definite playing it unless he just seems like he seems like he just [ __ ] lines of cocaine unboxing machetes and cheese and and so I got so excited about this unbox and you know he gets 50,000 people watching that I decided to send a piece of nightshift clone way you said it yeah you said I said send it to yes I thought someone else that would be babies that would be that would be like epic as you go to the post office now I called the people who do the night shift merch I said scent Portnoy I've [ __ ] clocked in hoodie and within the first like 15 minutes of the unboxing number five or six he he popped it open it was pretty awesome moment - Sammis like clocked in boys were working late on the night shift it's a perfect sweater knit sweater and he put it in the good pile cuz he's got the good a bad but that's Portenoy shout out [ __ ] Portnoy dude you've got you've single-handedly got me through this tough time in my life that's a that's a smart man right there I'm well I'm loving watching how people innovate during this quarantine yeah Instagram live has just taken off dude and and and you know because it's going viral on other platforms too like man Tory Lanez got alexis Texas twerking on Instagram live - you got like 2 million raise bro woohoo 20 like 2 million balls yeah he's mad that a quarantine radio is the biggest thing of the Kuwait absolutely what he went up 2 million because of that oh he's like one of what was the stat something about like the most percentage increase on all platforms of any No yeah quarantine radio is the hottest thing that's happened so he's Gordy ready that's what it's called his Instagram stories shut it down my Instagram CEO loves it there's a whole controversy did you see that did you see the face time with the Instagram CEO he was like Tori he's liked what he's [ __ ] middle-aged white through Satori I love quarantine radio but you can't have girls dancing with their vaginas out and it's like it's a rule and tour and dude it's also gay and I believe he DM to the girl who won't be named to be a part of it oh no and yeah and she just doesn't do that kind of [ __ ] she just doesn't she's all divorced yeah what is what does she think about about what our little rift unhappy really she is she unhappy with me yeah I'm worried she's worried she's chirping at you and saying the wrong things no no no not that no no no she oh do I know like it might compete am I gonna have to [ __ ] Duke it out absolutely not here's here's what she thinks do you want to know what she says sir were idiots she said me but that hurt no but because of this she said her and every other girl is laughing at us and saying are these [ __ ] morons still arguing about this [ __ ] present it's been 14 years I know I tried explaining that to her but she's not so she clocks out when the important [ __ ] when the real is to come back to that we talked like the big thing that we took away from this was expectation how that leads the obligation absolutely like those were two major lanes for both sides yeah and my biggest in our in our conversation and this is actually I want to turn to the audience and ask like I feel inauthentic when I when I fake like a gift it's also very circumstantial like if my grandma who's dying gives me like a pair of socks for our Christmas gift like I'm gonna tell her I love the [ __ ] something obvious but this is my boy this is my boy who can take he can take it if I'm if I'm honest and I'm like I go broader like the gift especially after months of saying hey dude I'm probably not gonna like the gift that no matter what it is don't get me no good and and and it's what's your mom say she said Michael he told you he doesn't like getting gifts he doesn't like his birthday it's like if somebody told you they don't like getting poked in the eye and you went to their bedroom every morning you poked them in the [ __ ] eye said you shouldn't have got him the [ __ ] gift and and you know what she's right and she's absolutely right and it was lost a big I thought I really did think that I was gonna change all that I thought I was like this kid loves this animal this wild animal I was like let's say he'll tell you what did you tell that I was like it no what are you doing milk just let bills behind the can't really guess well hold on and also another thing oh yeah your gift was good another thing to note too is you know there's has been how people in the inner circle have reacted to the gift everybody's laughing about the gift I do want to say it was max idea just start your idea I want to say this there's some of this is causal the whole thing this but that's the idea that counts you're the one that activate we all have we all took part of it we all you know had this some people had a more inflammatory response X not me fax Mac was very chill and and also the other people who aren't in this room right now that have said there was a shitty gift I asked those people would you get him exactly what it's so whack it's so good it's so big Jake came over he goes you know what I got you I go what brother goes nothing nothing but but here's what here's why this is works cuz I know Mike's heart and I know his intentions were good and and that that is I never ever question Mike's intentions or loora loora li they're like you should know those are two words with a lot of weight and I refuse to be 50 years old and tell tell my kids when they see a hundred and seventy episodes of a podcast with some dude named Mike and in vlogs with some guy named I can in my kids are gonna go who's that guy dad when they look growing up watching my [ __ ] I'm like oh that was a guy named Mike they go what happened to a dad I'm like well he got me a shrimp and I kicked them out of my house and now he's homeless on the Brea I won't do it I can't you think your kids are gonna watch your stuff I know they will and I feel bad for him because I I'm worried it'll set expectations for them like they need to but knowing me my kid will probably want to try to one-up me which is a very hard thing to do because I I've done a lot of [ __ ] and I push myself to levels that probably aren't the safest what's up you see this parrot it's like a [ __ ] shrimp he's got something to say so so check it out he's three months old right now and he'll start speaking fully twelve to eighteen months but we've been saying [ __ ] to him like [ __ ] and I love you but let's see what he has to say sounds kind of like he's working out he's like an animal it's easy sweetheart but yeah bro I'm worried about I'm worried about my my kids watching um any of any of my stuff like who doesn't move thinking that one day you're supposed to be setting a good example but sometimes it's hard when you're having your G wet your assistant Drive your G wagon over you and be dragged down a street with a rope like how how can I tell my kid when he when he's growing up like be careful like he's not gonna listen cuz I was not careful I mean I am especially now to a degree but there's recklessness that takes place and I hope my kid does not try to replicate you are assuming that your kids gonna think you're cool number one oh you know you definitely don't know that Oh failed as a dad if my kid doesn't like I'm gonna be cool maybe he won't think this stuff that's happening now is cool I know who knows we don't him her whatever the child is non-gender but yeah we don't we don't know that your child is gonna like your content cuz all ever kids like oh my dad's and or cuz then they'll grow up grow up and have a phase where they don't want to talk to you and then eventually it'll be like oh wow my dad's the coolest guy ever and then maybe they'll try to replicate it but they're gonna live in a shadow no see I would hope not I would hope not you know who's actually done a really good job of that is uh Will Smith's kid kids yeah I mean they also have the coolest dad in the history of plan yeah behind they're gonna be I'm gonna be a way cool kid and and I just I just feel like Jayden has done such a good job of not being Will Smith's son like he's Jaden Smith mm-hmm you're willows music what if your wishes she's amazing angel yeah she's amazing is that gonna stress the fans the peeping miss cuz no no I mean they also like oh yeah maybe just should we give him back or what I mean I called ginger he's gonna have to learn by the way ginger doesn't live here anymore technically he's right behind ya that's a pillow and I told him to stay away from to stay away from her also dude you know I don't know if you know these about birds they got really small dicks so you can't actually tell their gender we don't know if he's a man and so when we get him DNA checked which is the the right way to identify birds gender if sir comes back as a female is gonna be some major problems I'm also talking to this bird Allah I feel weird talking to uh animals sometimes because you know how everyone has an animal voice do you know you know it's like that's I'm saying everyone talks to their pets at a certain way I don't talk like that to my beds you don't have you'd bruh you tell me you go home you talk to Finnegan lies like a human no way so it's your animal voice and it's important to me I realize this that if I get in a relationship with someone they gotta have a cute animal voice Brooke can you I mean I think you start having like real conversations with the bird so it like conceptualizes actual thought instead of just repeating words like metaphysical type [ __ ] it could be anything he's a genius bird yeah who will be smart he I'm thinking about sending him to college I got Loyola University or oh so he's sure but yeah dude I'm talking to my burden about I say this I go I go good morning handsome good morning handsome and then for my dogs it's this I go big move such a big dog you're so big cute and everyone likes you and I'm here I'm when I do this I go you know I [ __ ] suck like this cringe if I if I invite like a girl that I that I like to come over for the first time and I'm talking to my dog like that there's no problem you got to develop your animal voice dogs is so reasonable I think it depends on the animal like if you if you talk to your fish like that you're you're weird I do this to my fish I go there you go mr. fish you dumb it down almost a go mr. fish I got you food yeah do you think they're on I've seen it I've seen it and felt like so if you have like how if say you had a hamster can you come up with how does how does Lana talk to her hamster she just she just strokes it she's in the stroking things you don't say row that's a funny story well I saw this pair repeats things right I put him next to my bed because I'm obsessed with him and he cuddles in the morning for hours on end and brought you know quarantine leads to masturbation that's facts you can't tell me it's not facts Oh or just or just outrageous [ __ ] fest well shout out to all the people out there that are that are locked up with their significant other like you guys are you know they're doing it I mean dude it's all it's all you kind of do check but check out Marshall Sports posted this Americans are excessively eating drinking smoking pot playing video games and watching porn while quarantine you can't tell me it's not true sorry sorry sorry sir you can't tell me it's not true so birds next to my bed you know it's like midnight maybe rub one out real quick you've relaxed a little bit go to bed I'll whip up poor hub I'm ready to go I'll look and see my parrot who repeats everything he hears I go nope today pocketed the phone left with blue balls in my own room because of my own hands I can't watch porn in front of my parrot he's just gonna repeat it can you imagine can you imagine the parent coming downstairs in the mall are you come downstairs them are in the parrots like how'd you get stuck in there step sis she goes I can't do this you're my stepsister never repeat like sex noises or something yeah shut off what I'm not interested what if he made music out of that I see what you're doing here ticked yeah it's a nice transition mak tik tok did something to Mike's girlfriend well tick-tock didn't do it I guess some but tick-tock did do it bro Oh cuz they cheat she goes nuts on tick-tock I mean I mean like not well that too but just just to start this the fact that this girl doesn't have a tick-tock is the dumbest aim like she would have 40 million [ __ ] followers yeah yeah every squad I run into on that on a on a warzone oh [ __ ] [ __ ] nice every every squad I run into on the new Call of Duty is Lana Rhodes and riley reid that's what you're facing up against all everybody change your name he just [ __ ] all over you man bad it's on your sleeve I'm so sorry hey man this is what this is what comes with being a bird owner as a former bird owner myself I respect his decision it's it's I don't like it it's not it's not bad we're gonna fix this look come to Daddy [ __ ] on your uncle then come to Daddy come on buddy come on this is the new norm we just gotta get used to this here I can't really see it I'm gonna compromise position yeah I'll get it let's uh let's clean up that bird poop from your head and we'll be right back oh you know he won't [ __ ] on me cuz he just went I know I'm good to go that's so much [ __ ] oh it's on your hat to kill can someone help I got a bird on my head I could do it it's my bird I guess your bird [ __ ] off me mill mill mill mill it's just rubbing it into my strategy you just gotta hit it what my cab lot what say it Mike the house is turning to a safari I made Logan look me directly in the eyes and promise that he would not turn into a a rare animal selector yeah because yeah like Joe exotic yeah I am so terrified that you will I love animals I know here's my problem I also got no patience so I can only devote my time and energy to like yeah but you have a lot of time and a lot of money and you can have people do it so but if I'm not if I'm not connecting with them I'm not interested well why would you do that nice it's beautiful I think we just spray it with some sport this is a pretty impulsive moment I'm having no problems here it is bird [ __ ] on me some people say that's a sign good luck bro bro in high school I don't know if you remember this we were outside eating lunch one day and a bird pooped on me from the sky that's cool and everyone made fun of me every it was so embarrassing and then someone told me that it was good luck that I've heard pooped on you then I got the night a hundred thousand dollar scholarship to owe you but then you got the different scholarship but I got the one that I wanted so that's good luck ma'am maybe anyways yeah yeah you're gonna get it from scholarship now because that happened that's great I've been looking for a scholarship we're not going to college why are you doing that uh I want to go to architecture school still yeah bro shut up yeah you can be a student I love to be studious I love to learn and architecture is one of those things where I feel like my brain could handle it now it's like the time investment and workload and all that stuff where I like to have all the you know other things that I do so I don't know if it's not you right what were you talking about before the bird poop done my head oh yeah tick tock yeah so yeah so Lana Lana goes hard on tick tock even though she's not on tick tock it's the conversation and so that this this happened this is dude what about this girl Lana Rhodes on tick tock and so I looked her up and boy I was not disappointed so I thought Lana Rhodes making a beat out of weird sounds making a beat out of Lana Rhodes step one get the sounds all right these are the sounds were working with let me just pause it real quick I had a girl do this recently it's called the crescendo the crescendo moan for each thrust they get louder faster and quicker it's it's like he's like step two now take these sounds and now make it sound like a beep i'ma be honest he lost me there and I don't really care about the rest of it because it's no longer sounds like a rose but what what will happen after so so I see so bro this looks like I did this is a tick tock he posted later this looks like a DM from you Mike from hey Big Mike yo what the [ __ ] you did you disrespecting my girl for you better not drop that song I swear you didn't you imagined and and so the initial reaction to it is all the fans are like oh my god hey Big Mike Chris do you at does anyone think that I would ever respond to this bulge I didn't mind the song that's great super cream so okay so wait so this dude made this oh yeah because look he made one for Lana to a couple videos back it was it was a DM from Lana shut up oh my god I heard your beat you made on tick-tock it was soul fire you should drop that song and so and so because and so what I got from this yeah and so I'm like you obviously I'm not gonna respond to this [ __ ] because it's just gonna get them [ __ ] views on it but then the dude starts making fake DMS that I sent them and then I start getting messages from like little kids that are like yo I saw you went up my board in the d-ends and there's a whole [ __ ] story line running my have this [ __ ] and imagine me just sitting there like what the [ __ ] is going on right now so I got some learnings from it one is they keep talking one is the age of people on did the Brit is the bird alive Birds fine this bird has turned into quite the distraction yeah we able to put them in what one thing I noticed is our thought of is the age of fans on social media and and especially the age of the fans on tick tock when they saw those messages a lot of people automatically thought that you did someone had message them yeah it's believable and it brought up another thought point for me which was the it is an example of the issue we will continue to dive into it and examine and deal with which is deep fakes and fold and photoshopping now this now this is an example obviously doesn't matter this kids here today nobody's gonna give a [ __ ] about any of this [ __ ] tomorrow and gone but if if somebody has a deep fake video of Trump saying something that he didn't actually say we've got ourselves a [ __ ] problem and so it this whole situation and all this [ __ ] happening on tik toks had me thinking about this stuff but man I'm how do you combat no no our bro so I can relate cuz Mike's coming to me with stuff that didn't happen that people are judging him on right so I said bro that's that's crazy but have you ever sucked a dick on but not in real life cuz that happened to me I go I go according to the internet bro I was kidding face [ __ ] upside down I don't remember it happening you can't say that that was my problem that I don't recall MoMA is always a tough one because I don't think you did that it's nice what I'm saying it didn't happen so like yeah it's funny how the internet can completely fabricate a narrative around you and but it's believed that people run with it well you taught me you taught me early it was won and obviously they've had so many [ __ ] lessons from you and I've taken so much value out of this this relationship and working with you and one and one is seriously though not you know one of the biggest things you taught me early was don't don't respond to ever respond to these [ __ ] dude as soon as this even this obviously now this is funny because all good it's all good yeah I'll poke at the kid super it was creative and [ __ ] but let me let me just finish this one part but it but it's it brings up a bigger thing to me which is like this ain't the only kid talking [ __ ] there's a there's there's a couple channels that make videos all [ __ ] day on me on you on me and you like 22,000 views 18,000 views and I'll get to hun I'll get I'll get twelve or sixteen messages every time video comes out here are you gonna respond to these guys are you gonna respond to these guys [ __ ] no I'm not gonna respond to these dudes when they get a hundred thousand views yeah or or name you count that does that's my question when the minority turns a majority more people well don't say one boo is louder than a thousand cheers what do you what do you think it is 505 I don't know I think it's so circumstantial like like who knows if something if something stimulates you in a way like if this video like this this was this was actually funny it was great it's a great course it's a it's great it's great creative great creativity on the video the part I just didn't like is how he tried to one-up it and make it seem like people were actually [ __ ] giving that's not that's where it like that's where it takes a turn for the worse for me yeah amber I get it make your content but not now that you you're photoshopping be asked for words and people know that's like hmm you guys remember before all this quarantine started and we were having fun going to parties and there's that one place and there's the fireplace on the wall and was really hot and there were 14 people already Warwick no no it was a house party oh yeah that guy was there one time reowww you met you actually met the dude I didn't meet him but he's there oh really yeah but it's just you know how do you know cuz I'd remember him I'd seen him before I seen yourself if something tells me something when tells me that if that party happen again tomorrow the first thing you would do is be like hey man can I get a pic me no no him Oh with you guys no no with himself or with himself hey man myself he just asked himself hey man can I get a selfie because no because then now like say we do meet they do in real life like is he gonna post them like smartass caption like lying about some shadow well obviously I mean the other blogs we've gone to too far down the hall I don't even know who this kid is you just showed me this before the what's the first thing you're gonna do when all this quarantine stuff plant plant lement row to the beach yep you're gonna plant a lemon tree I want a lemon tree I want a [ __ ] lemon tree it's what I want and I'm gonna have it hey Mike can I tell you that I've actually planted three lemon trees before really yeah now you're a liar oh yeah I just work in a greenhouse and I took seeds out of a lemon put them into the ground into a little pot and then they started to grow so I have a lemon tree that's like already growing it's just back in Cincinnati OH we'll just go get it yeah [ __ ] off Mac well let's get a new better lemon tree but they take a long time oh really how long well it's a plant and it turns into a tree so you have to wait it mine did not even resemble a tree until like well a year and a half not even like resemble I'm talking like God about this talk or you're an ass damn what age do they start sprouting lemons I'm sorry about that you can see the hurts it's a patience thing it'd definitely be a lifelong you I bring it up because I was walking yesterday on some random street and I saw a lemon tree and I had these big fat [ __ ] lemons on me and I was thinking about I saw that in a lavender bush I've ever seen a lavender bush yeah they're nice this the smell from it that it admitted was sweet peace we didn't eat it made me feel peaceful in that I haven't felt like that in ages do you think that if plants grow fruits or flowers over a fence line and they're like hanging into the sidewalk there that they're available to the world unfortunately yeah you do yeah I do how can you expect your lemons not to be gone if they're in like technically public domain mm-hmm I like I would say but yeah if you're the person growing them and they're growing into the sidewalk yeah I definitely picked like an apple from like a neighbor's tree that was overgrown into my yard for sure we made apple pie out of it oh my god that one girl told me that you can do hybrid lemon lime trees is that it can't be right I think that's called sprite go sprite on a tree it's quite possible sprite possible um I was sad the other day well I'm back now man maybe it was cuz of you maybe oh it was cuz of you I probably I made you sad cuz you were gone I was one of the first days that happened I was like damn I'm I'm sad and I had this like I don't know if it's a bad habit but we'll call it a bad habit I have this bad habit where when I'm sad and I do start to like feel emotions that I do not like I prefer to not and so I kind of clock out via weed or alcohol and so I was like damn dude this is this isn't this is I don't wanna be feeling like this I might smoke a little bit just like ease my mind for a little bit and then I went outside and Danny pulled me behind the Yeti on skis water skis and we went ran ran around on the street doing that and afterwards I was like well I'm not I'm not sad anymore that was fun like I had a good I had a good good ass time doing that and it distracted me it was it was almost like what what the marijuana would have done but in a healthy way this too shall pass is a phrase that got me past all the Tokyo and then there's a [ __ ] like people would call me and they'd go yo this too shall pass and at the time I did not believe it I thought my life was over and the days could only get worse but indeed it kinda it kinda life life goes on dude mhm and in time is your is your friend so I guess I guess maybe what I'm saying is if you're sad or feeling some type of way don't distract yourself with an unhealthy habit do something that you know you or you think you might have fun doing Brett could be playing a video game it could be facetiming a friend from home playing with your kid whatever it is I think if you can distract yourself with something healthier you'll you'll come out with the same effect and in the long run be better because you didn't do the thing that is deemed unnecessary or unhealthy am I making sense yeah yeah it's hard when you're in a darker situation in the distraction while it does work for the time after that's done you come back and you still have the cycling it's bad but yeah those little things they chip it and as you you keep going and doing more things to distract you or put your mind you know in a position to do other things I doesn't think about sad thoughts it will slowly deteriorate the sad thoughts when we were at the ranch and Jake was going through his breakup with Julia or whatever they were going through and brother I know this kid just depressed out of his mind immense sadness I tried so hard to keep him away from his phone and sitting on that [ __ ] couch cuz I knew the longer we keep him distracted doing dumb [ __ ] like boat races and like pouring paint on him or shooting guns and run dirt but some say he's not exactly tormenting himself with these thoughts so like I know it's hard in the easy solution is is the drugs and alcohol but stimulate your mind attempt to stimulate your mind and different healthier way it's better for you and nope that's a I mean it's great it's a great point I mean is it it's that's the mom I mean this too shall pass is the mantra of every yep addiction alcoholism group and oh really oh yeah this too shall pass is on every single [ __ ] a meeting wall yeah it's a big it's a big thing that and the serenity prayer which it which has been huge for me the path that the past week god grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change and do more good stuff I can't [ __ ] what you can change and [ __ ] accept the things that you can't it's basically and I had the fact that I can't remember at this point is a result of bong resin in years of cocaine abuse I also I also will highly want to encourage people like you know this quarantine although it sucks is a special time to challenge yourself mentally physically whatever it is like do [ __ ] you haven't before we before this podcast started long road for two hours we were Mac and I were in the pool jumping on and rolling across logs like Lumberjacks it was [ __ ] fun it was right when I got back and I had to control my excitement because we were supposed to still be like not like super cool with each other man and so I like no I don't like any and so I was watching from the window and I was showing out in uh in a woodsman slang what's that kid doing here it's filming a vlog yeah but he's all good I know I'm just always so bro now that you're vlogging again I'm vlogging again I get that feeling we're like pranks are gonna start who knows dude I'm just not I know you like him he's cool right bro so that's a giant burgers we actually are in the middle of a podcast yeah I know how to fight off big dogs hello so this is the middle of the podcast oh do you know what I'm saying like cause you go yeah that way okay no that's fine these right here these Millennials don't understand he's our you gen Z I think he is what years the cutoff yeah nah bro I see it Millennials are different gent what how old is it Jen's II not brah I'm telling you were Jen's II is anyone between between 1995 and 2019 but your gen Z I'm just on the cusp of millennium I'm a millennial I'm a millennial yeah you're just oh yeah nah not you age NZ same we use I think yeah yeah yuge NZ bro hmm it was nice to nice to know yeah let's do it again how we did it in a one-night stand anyways macho you're gonna get a copyright strike for singing like that remember we got one for jeopardy we did the jeopardy music so where do you do so so we we hummed it hummed it why they were there I would love to have YouTube jeopardy back oh yeah that was one of my favorite things we got to do that again do you have sex with Lana in the morning uh yeah sometimes we do it one more night oriented but Wow I know we've talked about this before you said you you're more mourning because you're not stressed out and [ __ ] brah at the end of the day I have nothing left to give I'm the stumped at the end of the giving tree' I've used all my energy I I'm uh okay useless sack of flesh and like a weekend sure but when I'm working it stuff and then so I'm like a big morning sex guy when I wait a lot of women are well well so here's the thing it's to two parts for the woman they wake up they have no makeup on their breath smells there might be a little sweaty from sleep whatever right and so I think there's a lot there are some girls out there that might be a little bit like to hygiene things just like a haiji thing they want to freshen up or whatever then on the male side for someone like me who struggles with anxiety and my anxiety stress all of that is the highest in the morning oh no when I wake up in the morning the first thing I'm dealing with is the racing thoughts is the stress the anxiety as the day goes on for me and after I exercise and might get my stuff done for the day by the time night comes along I'm much more calm I'm more relaxed and that's when it's time to to lay the [ __ ] smackdown and I've been robbed and put in [ __ ] you can imagine have you been using a pullout method no I've been spraying dude spray-and-pray all right well is that what you're gonna ask him now okay I'll just say I don't see dick pills I'll pop them sometimes you know Rob you could do a marathon like if I know if I'm locked up with my girl in quarantine or like we do a staycation where the only objective is to like rent the hotel out in our city and just [ __ ] the whole day I'm coming prepared with ammunition source so some I mean sometimes yeah like you got it you got to do what you gotta do but I I guess that I don't know is that this has to be a segue yeah no that wasn't one straight you sponsors the next episode wait a second earlier sponsored this one yeah but dude when you get yet when you get to that round five dude and you're dealing with a [ __ ] slinky akin to the one that you rolled down the stairs as a young child or one of those little [ __ ] uh jack-in-the-boxes where do pops out your dick starting to look like this row yeah man also it starts to it's such to hurt you'll make this stallion did you all see that she went on instagram live and apparently I think she was a little drunk as she was she was just ranting about how she makes her dudes come like two to three times and how if they'd start to say like it hurts or some [ __ ] it's [ __ ] [ __ ] she ain't about it they were starting to see like from a woman's perspective because from my side like I know what it's like I noticed like to be treated like a piece of ya you know but that's why the peds help the peds out man penis enhancement they really do man I mean dude listen a good thing about him is like I said time for you want nothing to do with this thing but you got a [ __ ] flagpole and she's a flag and she's gonna go up and down that flag dude half-mast in the [ __ ] dude when whenever she wants and you can do that without even bro sometimes I'll just be sitting there kickback answer and tweet you're lying dead sea lion just tweeting and she'll just be riding this bro you are lying not that happens yes sometimes that's when you get to a point where you're just like y'all not jesus take the wheel but like do do you do your worst to me lady I'm just I'm just I'm just existing at this point and I happen to have a [ __ ] flashlight as a penis because of these [ __ ] that's way performance-enhancing drugs you know what I envy you about most for that story is like your ability to stay focused on both tasks that's multitasking to a very do you feel at time 5 I mean I'm talking about time 5 duncan rapid-fire time 5 are you talking yeah no no no I'm talking like 3 hours three hours sit down you've sprayed out the last one you put out was like a little what are you trying to prove no it's not it's not you all that it's usually not the guy it's the beg in the set V stallion that's trying to be a stallion trying to ride that thing into the [ __ ] ground and by the way like and it turns into this thing I don't know if any guys watching this can relate to it but it turns into the singer damn by dicks chafed it feels like I've been rubbing sandpaper on the [ __ ] thing and I don't want to do it but you want to know what I want to do less tell a girl that I don't want to go again yeah it's not yeah it's not good nah babe not this time I'm just now like I don't want to be that guy I want to [ __ ] saddle up and take that thing down to pound town dude bro I've had I've had women so some chicks get turned on when you fight them off not when you're like on a phone call or like you are doing texts or like you're distract that are doing like something professional and you're going at it and why I say I envy you is because that's really hard for me dude if I'm not a phone call talk to the manager Jeff this has happened Jeff I'm sorry I've had a girl you know and I can't I cannot stay focused on both things mmm I got I got what I go I don't know if you have no one's me we know that cast lagging it's happening thanks guys for watching a positive the number one podcast in the world hit that subscribe button Mike were good to have you back we'll see I'll see ya and thanks for accepting appreciating and admiring the beauty that is sir the gray if you want to hit him up on instagram at sur the gray I know his back is to you right now but I can attest he's a beautiful bird and sorry that he [ __ ] on you twice not good look to me or in general general all right cool I hit that subscribe peace

Channel: IMPAULSIVE

Views: 1,867,605

Keywords: impaulsive impaulsive podcast Logan Paul podcast Logan podcast impulsive podcast maverick, podcast guest, Jake Paul brother, mike majlak beef, bird, african grey, sirthegrey, tiktok, lana rhodesmultitasking, mike vs. logan, mantis shimp, shrimp, stimulation, sadness, depression, anxiety, smoking, drugs, barstool, beard, intentions, lana rhoades, lana rhoades boyfriend

Id: gDjBpKNyrzk

Length: 59min 24sec (3564 seconds)

Published: Tue Apr 14 2020