"Fresh Fish".png (r/Facepalm)

all right so i i just broke up my girlfriend at a restaurant and she started crying and um everyone thought i had proposed so um they started clapping welcome back you love me degenerates today we're doing some face palms so you better get those foreheads ready because this one's gonna hurt today also i can't forget all these things i got polio from the vaccine and was paralyzed from the waist down parents should do their own research and take the time to weed out the dangerous unnecessary vaccines because their doctors do not have the knowledge or the time to do so yeah is that so because you're standing up in about five your facebook photos changes to their permanent houses we've spoken to a few of these iraq short stayers about their grievances tom mceldrin who asked to remain [Laughter] anonymous all right i guess just like casually deny that well my husband had to wear a mask on a business trip and now he has chlamydia checkmate liberals that was uh that was one hell of a business trip i guess uh i wanna double check where he went he may have been a bit too headstrong during that business trip hi there the stress of covid can be made worse by the holiday season we hope this one-time offering of a postage-paid envelope to mail your rent check will relieve some of that stress for you thank you generous slumlord for giving me 60 cents to mail my renton how generous of you gwendy blees have shut down a fish store that was sticking googly eyes on fish to make them appear more fresh than they are i i have to know like if anyone actually fell for this or if this was just sniffed out immediately because this is just so ridiculous but like there had to be a few right oh the wiggle in the eye means it's fresh the fisherman says he slides the bottle of elmore's glue behind the counter hey does anyone have a list of all the big corporations with marxist views i want to make sure i avoid them none of them ah yeah they all do sadly it seems we have no choice left but to abolish private corporations it's the only way to defeat marxism [Laughter] i think you're right yo you want to play some fortnite i uh don't play fortnite uh sorry bruh you got the mandalorian picture though uh you know i could just be a fan of the show right what la mao you serious star wars nerd clown emoji is that actually a thing a mandalorian star oh i regret asking oh mao you star wars nerd easy there we're about to take a look at the top minds of 4chan in action anonymous why don't they make bulletproof vests out of diamond if it's the hardest metal i don't know it's like because it's too heavy like one gram of diamond weighs like something like 15 grams no god damn it [Laughter] first of all diamond's carbon not a metal second of all one gram can't weigh 15 grams and while it is the hardest material it's not the strongest material a hundred and sixty layer parking ticket [ __ ] you virginia beach nice how fast i'm sorry but did you just ask me how fast i was going on a parking ticket that's it that seals the deal i've been an american citizen for 54 years and in all my time of being one i've never seen an election this bad i've had enough of it until you fix this country i'll be packing my bags to england where they actually know how to run a country so um that's gonna make you an immigrant yes no because i'm white okay so uh this is supposed to be an ad for jesus but it makes satan seem like [ __ ] rad as hell satan doesn't whisper believe in me he whispers believe in yourself one star false advertisement purchase this samsung 8 series to you a thousand fifty inch after unpacking i found that the 50 inch i purchased was actually 44. how is that the box is only 49 inches there is no way with the phone protecting the tv could be 50 inches see the pictures in video this is a scam i need my money for a 50 inch samsung tv see now normally i'll be like okay that's a little interesting but the problem is they're measuring horizontally and not diagonally because that's how you measure a tvs is the [ __ ] hypotenuse between the two god damn it anyways [ __ ] 787 people found this helpful i should also have the curiosity got the best of me and apparently this tv makes a better computer monitor than it does on actual tv my boyfriend turned down five fully paid scholarships just to stay here with me heart eyeshard eyes i really love this man so much your boyfriend's dumb as you number six who cheats more boys or girls males number 10 ever cheated before multiple times [Music] he him transcriber well i don't know what a criber is but i can see why you're triggered dude dude transcriber it means that i captioned subtitle for a living you [ __ ] idiot hey are you asian yep so uh what kind of knees are you what mesa yeah like chinese japanese vietnamese korean oh my god metro uk uber will soon know if you're drunk and could refuse to pick you up well uh that that defeats the whole point of uber doesn't it something is definitely going on aliens mind blown mysterious monolith from utah desert appears next to prehistoric forest in romania i mean yeah i could tell you exactly what's going on someone's going around putting monoliths in places it's not aliens listen here you liptards what you're all missing if this isn't just some weird art project or aliens this is bill gates bill gates is going around establishing these new super duper 5g towers in order to turn the frog's day on a global scale we need to wake up sheeple this is a time for war i swear to god if i check my twitter tomorrow and find alex jones spewing this i am going to end it i don't like them putting models in the desert to turn the freaking frogs gay do you understand all right well i i guess cooking streams aren't allowed on twitch anymore because i i made a smoothie and my blender was flagged as a skrillex song like like look at this [ __ ] right here time code six minutes track right in by skrillex like god damn it uh my six year old son dropped out of school for his youtube channel 64 subscribers how do i convince him to go back to school matt day nurse bartender youtuber manga enthusiast hi my name's matt i would like to start off this answer by stating that i myself create youtube content professionally that has been viewed millions of times so when a cup dot dot dot dot dot here goes matt casually stroking his ego another 4chan post this will be the map as you can see an overwhelming victory screenshot this i have a tested iq of 148 after analyzing all the information out there this is the map that is going to happen you're wrong veggie tales facts isn't it weird that people living paycheck to paycheck are supposed to have months worth of savings for emergencies while billion dollar corporations are so poorly managed they're on the brink of bankruptcy after a week of reduced profits you know this uh this might be the most serious thing you've ever posted okay so conspiracy theorists are complaining after 5g blockers they bought slowed down their internet large wi-fi router guard blocks about 90 of wi-fi router emf while you can still use the router blocks 5g and for those of you wondering yes that is a faraday cage someone is literally on amazon charging a hundred dollars for a faraday cage what a chad so here we have a beautiful mural of comrade cookie monster bestowing the gift of cookie to the people and um i always say was painted over but there's a story behind that okay so something insane is going on with this mural the mural that we painted has been completely painted over by the building owner evidently the guy that hired me to paint the mural was not really the owner of the building it was definitely a weird situation from the beginning and we should have asked more questions the real owner contacted me asking why the hell i painted this crazy sh on his building i'm still trying to wrap my head around it this is insane one of the best paying commissions i've ever had has turned into the weirdest [ __ ] i've ever dealt with i i do apologize to the owner of the building and while this is stressful and confusing the fact remains that we were paid by someone raw story fox gas as lgbt rainbow flags is just as offensive as confederate flag they represent the exact same thing what the [ __ ] yeah remember that time that lgbtq people got together and plunged america into a bloody civil war so they could own straight people [Laughter] hey i was raised on a gay plantation in the bay area knitting tiny sweaters for bichon till our hands bled my parents died in the glitter mines what made your jaw drop during an interview i was interviewing a woman and it was going well i asked if she had time to stick around for a few minutes and meet my boss who would be making the final decision her reply and i'm serious sure i have to get to my job but i'll just call my manager and tell him the bus broke down that works every time nothing like casually telling the person interviewing you for a job position how you actively scheme against your current manager that's not going to raise any red flags you know i always wondered if these can be real is anyone really that ignorant i don't have the context the original post all right like okay so no joke there was a girl i went to high school with that asked the stupidest question i've ever heard we were discussing the fall of the roman empire and then she asked what about the winter i'm dead serious whoa guys look someone 3d printed a save button save button man i love the future save button so i never understood when people say i drive wild until today i look back and saw my baby like this oh why didn't she lock the car seat down in the anchors why is it in the middle seat put it in the passenger and flip it around so it actually has anchor points what are you doing um not only do masks reduce your o2 and increase your co2 intakes which makes you wheeze or gasp but they also provide warm damp [ __ ] hell use punctuation but they also provide warm damp breeding grounds for pathogens to breathe in that will progress and simply make human that's not even the right place for that comma [Music] perfect warm damp breeding grounds for pathogens to breathe in that will progressively make you ill for those who want more respiratory illnesses job done god damn that took five tries then we got this chat down here absolutely none of this is true and you exact qualifications for stating that are [Music] god you can't argue about science when you can't even get your punctuation right it's like you don't even have a first language god damn just a degree in medicine in the fellowship of the world college of anesthetist for which i was examined in respiratory physiology and the mechanics of gas transfer what are your qualifications huh besides failing english okay so a girl keeps sending my local news station screenshots of the landscape from red dead redemption 2 for their out and about new segment and they keep putting it on the news thinking it's a photo like bella i salute you an accurate representation of periods you got dementors in the uterus all right i'll i'll give it that oh but wait there's more someone doesn't know how to understand jokes oh yeah but it's nothing compared to the pain and sacrifice that our troops have felt for our country they fought free they fought for your right to bleed and spend money on overpriced feminine products [Laughter] and stand for flagging at the blaze god i hope this is big because the liberian flag is the bottom just really put this whole thing together hey welcome to the outro if you liked the video you should like subscribe and stuff and maybe like the video or leave a comment that'd be pretty cool should totally do that i'm actually starting to upload again so yeah anyways um check out the playlists the end cards we click that thing i have a discord and a twitter too if you want to go check those out anyways um yeah see y'all next time

Channel: Oz Media

Views: 398,948

Rating: 4.9500375 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, satire, comedy, funny, face palm, facepalm, facepalm meme, r/facepalm, fails, funny reddit, subreddit, r/, memes, best of reddit, top posts, reddit top posts, reddit facepalm, r/facepalm top posts, r/facepalm best posts, reddit stories, ask reddit, r/therewasanattempt, reddit funny, Oz Media, Oz

Id: FEK2j-5DXOg

Length: 15min 34sec (934 seconds)

Published: Wed Dec 09 2020