BIG SIP OF UNSEE JUICE (r/Holup)

dude six hundred dollars isn't close to covering rent but um it's enough to buy a weapon welcome back you love it degenerates we're doing some r slash hold up today it's gonna be great and you're gonna like it anyways gotta get these things out of the way childhood obesity don't take it lightly [Music] my kind of shopping spree i'm loving it this is where i watch my parents die raphael same place i killed some losers parents oh ho ho a lot of naughty boys and girls this year increase production by 300 percent bad elves get put into the coal mines this is it for me captain hey how's about one more time for old time's sake a captain always goes down on his ship and god god damn it ugh i hate it when she likes to get her hair pulled but also has cancer you gotta gotta use them [Laughter] my [ __ ] god me on sea juice big sip i just imagine the plunger making a big old shlunk sound when you pull it off okay so like yo guys i have this girl's nudes in like like should i keep them she died so i'm i i decay since i have them and she's dead they're kind of like rare ass pokemon cards like like discontinued by manufacturer type [ __ ] god [Music] [Laughter] can we get disney mom no we have disney at home disney at home italian gentleman trying to get the dogs down [ __ ] in the alley [Laughter] oh just look at his face grandma is dead so let's eat all of her pills she won't be needing these anymore [Laughter] i think the vicar vicodin you take the heart medication dreams are messages from your subconscious my dreams eat the brown part of this banana do it [Laughter] i can't even imagine being quoted by [ __ ] neil degrasse tyson obama and bill not a science guy holding a gun forcing you to eat a banana you know i was sleeping at my girlfriend's house last night and her dad wouldn't let us sleep in the same bed and it made me proper angry because he's actually really handsome you know i just got called a racist at mcdonald's today so uh so tell us what happened lad i mean i got called a racist in mcdonald's well i mean i mean yeah but but but why well i i was being racist doctor hey it's okay to get an erection during a prostate exam patient um yeah i don't have an erection yeah but i do now cough new york post china cracks down on funeral strippers what what man we've been doing funerals all wrong over here my friends weeping at my funeral as they shove fives and tens between the biggest titties they've ever seen it's what he would have wanted so my lesbian cousin and her partner got me this for christmas i mean it's pretty nice and all i i just don't want to sound ungrateful but it's not what i meant when i said i want to watch it's a nice rolex but stacy i wanted to watch [Laughter] imagine searching your whole life for the chosen one who will destroy the matrix and save the human race and you'll find him and he's [ __ ] keanu reeves you you find him doing what your mom is gay which one batman what travels that an alley and has holes in it my parents oh my god no it's a bowling ball [Laughter] tinder excuse me miss but uh have you ever been arrested yeah how could you tell but um i mean i i was gonna say it's illegal to be that cute but but now i'm kinda curious aggravated assault one skin two skin three skin don't finish this post my dog just ran away crying emoji damn i'm i'm sorry to hear that yeah hey i'm i'm here if you need anything yeah but i mean i still have a boyfriend and i still have my dog do it do it bro do it oh so uh why is he using a slim jim to type this our slash is created people who like to explore abandoned buildings what was the biggest this i'm out moment you had while exploring okay so uh so i found what looked like the remains of a pig and it was wearing lingerie like uh just kind of there don't talk about my mother like that i don't know man i'm just i'm just really tired all the time [Laughter] don't you mean really tired hey hey dad i i think i might be gay i don't get it you think you might be gay you're unsure yeah i'll tell you what i'll send you some gay porn by email and we'll see if it does anything for you several moments later uh okay so uh and uh it it does so nothing sight of two grown men blowing each other and [ __ ] up the ass doesn't arouse you up dead no normally it dice but [Laughter] but i wouldn't you and uncle steve your friends they're all sheep wearing masks my friends uh were lions lions in the concrete jungle yeah and here's your friends kids come on dad wake up wake up dad come on it's just a piece of cloth dad wake up girl hey so uh what do you look for in a girl honestly i'll [ __ ] anything that walks yeah but like i'm in a wheelchair yeah we're done here why would you turn down the chance for a fleshlight that wiggles just sent her in as the end-all what are you gonna do now kill the hostage i already beat you to it you can't have hostage negotiations if there is no hostage gotta use the big brain my wife so my ex said he would get me an iphone if i had slept with him please tell me you didn't do it no i'm not a cheater uh oh uh oh all right so all i'm saying is why would disney make their cartoon characters so sexy if they didn't want us to jerk off to them you know you make a lot of sense my guy i mean you got ariel jasmine bell bambi's mom no dad why am i named rose when you were young a rose fell on your head dad why am i named daisy when you were young a daisy fell on your head hey dad oh hey come if you get it you get it if you don't you don't and no it's not because the dad literally just decided to just you know crank one out on the kid's skull it's um it's a little bit more um impactful if if if you get forget what i'm what i'm saying got a couple bunks in [Laughter] blacksmith yeah i'm almost done with this sword i just had to work out the kinks sword i like feet [Music] shut up when my lane lord asks why i bought a gun with my 1200 check instead of paying rent well it's a surprise tool that'll help us later how to cut expenses in the family budget you see you grab your kid and you you push them under water you'll save 42 000 a year keshnikov pet your cat kashnikov died at the age of 14. he died after your wife [Music] um he died after your wife daisia days daisy whatever took him to a party where he accidentally ingested some cocaine in summer and overdose oh god if you do these for 30 days you will be unrecognizable sleep for eight plus hours drink two liters minimum of water a day high ph if possible get sun daily no sugar read for 30 minutes a day work out three times a week capture someone to cut their face off and sew to your face meditate for 10 minutes a day [Music] beware of falling deer leopards conceal their unfinished food in the tops of trees well [ __ ] that's uh that's not completely terrifying i am genuinely jealous of people who don't know the struggle of having a long distance relationship with someone you have no idea how bad it sucks not being able to see the girl i'm in love with because the judge said i'm not allowed to be within 1 000 feet of her jesus doesn't want to watch you masturbate but he just can't help it bro just just turn around like you don't have to cover your eyes like an infant just just turn 180 degrees this makes me think you want to watch me i have a phd do i want to be called a doctor hell yes i do when the pilot asks if there's a doctor on board i raise my hand every time then i solve an equation on the heart attack victim's chest while everyone yells at me i have killed four men this way and i will kill again when you eat ace on lsd it's like you're licking the galaxy yeah but they like when your trip ends and you realize it was your dog i mean that ruins the whole thing right i want what they have got our boys buster and arthur here and if you look closely at their slippers oh they're matching it's it's very cute very cool 20 out of 10 very wholesome wait hold on wait are you saying you want to wear human face slippers state your agents something you can't do yeah well i'm 47 and i can't snap my fingers take that bash pick that i'm 26 and i can't open my eyes under water i'm 55 and i can't go within 500 feet of an elementary school hey thanks for making to the outro it's uh that's pretty cool of you to do you know what you should do you should subscribe and like if you made it this far that'd also be pretty cool anyways uh yeah do that kind of stuff for those of you keep asking the comments the minions special is still being worked on it's taking longer than i thought it would but other than that i'll see y'all next time

Channel: Oz Media

Views: 672,813

Rating: 4.9444232 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, satire, comedy, funny, r/holup, holup, tihi, thanks I hate it, r/tihi, cursed comments, r/cursedcomments, subreddit, reddit best, funny reddit, reddit top posts, best of reddit, best reddit posts, reddit story, r/, reddit compilation, r/askreddit, askreddit, memes, meme

Id: v0WyVQ49SeM

Length: 13min 6sec (786 seconds)

Published: Sat Dec 26 2020