Episode 154 - You Can't Leave Me!

what's up guys welcome to the tmg podcast this is actually today's episode today's free episode but if you want uh the bonus episode that went up today as well you can find that on our patreon that's patreon.comtinymeatgang and uh the free episode will be ad free as well on there so uh and if not thanks and enjoy this one peace peace okay dude i want to start with this relationship advice that i sent a couple weeks ago already yeah i think we should jump right into it because because i sent it a while ago and we never got to it and it really tickles me pink it truly does did it ever uh did it ever make the rounds uh i mean it was on the twitter the relationships.txt1 the [ __ ] who even is this man okay well i'm gonna pull it up okay here oh n no [ __ ] way you can catfish with this guy wait is that who it is oh my god i thought it was i thought they were talking about jason momoa no oh my god they're talking about okay so this has to be a troll but it's so funny it might not be a troll though all right well okay so when i was reading this i was thinking okay let me just read it and then we'll let's just change it to jason momoa because it's funnier and then we can change it to who it actually is okay okay the title makes me wan the title makes me sound like a terrible person okay yeah sorry here the title is i 36 mil catfish my wife 37 37f pretending to be jason mansoukas the no sorry jason momoa the title makes me sound like a terrible person but hear me out my wife and i were joking about our celebrity crushes and hall past celebrities mine was beyonce who i'm obviously never going to meet and hers was jason momoa i was like that's weird i would expect a hemsworth or something but okay then she was like yeah we went to the same college but 10 years apart she said that whenever events open up again she might go to a reunion event to meet jason momoa i couldn't tell if she was kidding and this was starting to feel like a little too real i created a fake middlebury alum email address and emailed her about a new program for middlebury alums to mentor each other i told her she was assigned to jason momoa she was thrilled and so i've been exchanging emails with her from jason mama i was incredibly sad to see that i got flirtatious fast what the [ __ ] did you think was gonna happen wow my wife isn't really very sexually active with me so lust got the better of me i've been sending her headless nudes of some hairy looking guy i found on google and she's been sending nudes back this is she's kind of having an affair horseshit i know this sounds insane but i kind of want to go with it as this is the most sexual i've been with my wife in a while it's a bit soul-crushing though because i am pretending to be jason momoa is it absolutely necessary i fess up as weird as it is how long could i continue with this yeah okay this is definitely a writing prompt but this is genius that's pretty so i mean i was gonna say if this is real it's weird enough with jason momoa like the whole situation is so sad and bizarre yeah but it it's even weirder with jason mansoukas yeah it was like it was like he's like one of my favorite comedic actors oh no he's hilarious he's so [ __ ] funny super funny but he's not like he's no jason momoa you know he's not like no no he's no i can't wait for someone to send him just that clip of us being like he's not jason momoa and he's like well [ __ ] you guys i mean he's not none of us are what are you talking about search a picture of jason momoa right now okay they can't they can't see the screen but i'll search one for you just so you have it just so yeah i want to see it two guys on the computer looking at jason brown [Laughter] who is that you know who's that is the who is [Laughter] that dude on twitter that alpha male guy yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah that's what he looks like yeah the mimetic guy yeah the mimetic he looks like you know like a stupid version bro i love when um i love when jason mamoa got like thick yeah yeah his thick by his definition which was just no abs it's like just this duke is still too chuck a bus tire like yeah how is anybody really mad at the way so what you think this is fake it's got to be fake i mean i don't know the fact i don't know this seems like a pretty believable like the type of person that goes on reddit i could see this being real totally bro you know what's crazy is uh siva dug up or not he didn't dig up but like he he got into some thread where basically a dude posted that he had gotten out of prison on his reddit account okay and it was a picture of him standing like arms open uh in his like jumpsuit and all the comments were like oh congratulations like this and that and then someone was like oh are you heading down to some town in mexico and when you read about the guy's case he killed his ex-wife's boyfriend or something it was like a a fair situation and that's why he went to prison because he murdered this guy in mexico i guess okay um but the crazy part is that he posted on reddit in the christianity subreddit he was like i'm thinking about killing someone and i'm having a hard time convincing myself not to wait wait this is before he went to jail this is before he went to jail so he posted that he was going to kill this dude on reddit and then did it and then posted that he got out of red like out of jail well he got you're saying he did he didn't get convicted no let me let me i don't want to dox's [ __ ] name um like you're saying he got out he got off he got off like he beat the case hold on hold on let me let me get let me get this boy yeah he got out and so there's no there's no way that you can the [ __ ] there's no way you can get convicted after you're after you have like an innocent verdict right yeah you go look what's that called statue of limitations or something no that's um double jeopardy you can't be double jeopardy okay we tried for the same crime toys yeah yeah right okay i got yeah um okay pull up the picture real quick just click on the picture i got out of prison a few days ago it was raining sorry it was raining when i left the gate i couldn't help myself okay got it he's like a young looking guy too yep um yes that's me i was [ __ ] in a i was in a [ __ ] state of mind over a woman i was obsessed with and adored i was driven mad with jealousy and feelings of inadequacy i called myself a freak and a monster for not having been able to be hers yes the current term would be incel a movement i would have joined for sure if it had been around then thank god it wasn't i might have been driven to something worse i'm extremely thankful i failed i'm glad he's doing oh so maybe he wasn't successful he attempted to murder this guy oh okay so that makes more sense but yeah look at this um where is it where is it where is it wait let me let me dig to his post this is like his entire account um oh maybe he deleted the post yeah hold on i have a yeah i have a removed reddit two guys on the computer looking at a uh um i'm very successful i'm going to murder someone and i'm having a hard time convincing myself not to oh and then yeah the uh jesus this is crazy yeah wild the girl i've loved with for two years uh was forced to have sex with the man she's been dating i've done nothing but sit back and watch her get away yes i do understand that oh my god he wasn't even what the [ __ ] he wasn't even like with this lady that's oh my god bro it's so scary jesus so how long was he in jail for i wonder uh this was six years ago and he hadn't posted on read it in like six years so you can imagine oh my god i mean i wonder if in this case like he really is rehabilitated because he seems like he's like yeah i would have been an intel i was really angry back then and everything seemed so imagined five years in prison has to like do something to you you know yeah i mean it's a yeah i mean so you can't guarantee sometimes it just makes you worse off that's what i'm saying like i feel like in most cases prison is just not built for rehabilitation even though they say it is oh yeah for something like this i don't know maybe i don't know yeah that's that's uh that's wild it's hard being it's hard being a girl man you just you just go to class and there's some dude back there who's like i love you your boyfriend doesn't deserve you yeah she's like no he's he does he's fine we're happy we're happy together no you're not you're forced to be with him he's forcing you no i'm i'm just there you know with my own self-will and everything's cool yeah everything's good i like buddy i'm gonna kill him okay all right [ __ ] it let's just click the scooter video let's see this [ __ ] enough with the [ __ ] dude hit me with a scooter video speaking of relationships bro speaking of hold on hold on hold on this one is gold in a way that you just you couldn't oh man this one this one [ __ ] pounds the tears on this one i know someone's gonna give me [ __ ] for laughing at at this dude's emotional state but you can't not with the way this whole thing plays out you can't i couldn't even believe this was real [Laughter] like i thought jason sudeikis was gonna be the guy on the scooter with how well-written this [ __ ] is hold on okay this is unreal i'm trying and switching the screen so uh everybody could see it okay i can't wait all right wait one more one more one more sorry and scene okay he's not gonna let me be your friend he's not gonna let her do stuff together and there's no way it's gonna be able to work and you're gonna have to come to a point where you're gonna choose him or me and you're gonna choose him you will because that's what everyone does that will always happen it's never me i'm never good enough oh my god oh my god i love when someone's actions like immediately validate what they just said like this guy is like i'm never gonna be good enough this is always how it happens and then he screams and rides away on a vespa it's like dude maybe that's why maybe that's the reason oh my god dude god his mother did not love him man oh my god dude so [ __ ] just the riding away on the scooter yeah that's so good i thought this was a dax shepard movie or something poor guy man bro it was it's just timed so well and and to have that man to have that argument on like on a moped with a with a helmet on i just feel you you have such a lack of respect for yourself i would never be caught dead arguing with someone sitting on a moped you cannot no one will take you seriously sitting on a moped getting like you getting upset yeah you can't have a helmet on helmet on you can't do a hat you can have a helmet on and do anything seriously because it makes your head that makes you look like a [ __ ] lollipop yeah except for like a kick flip or like a 900. you can have a helmet on and do that seriously yeah yeah but like like a skateboard helmet like that like extreme sport helmet no oh you're yeah we're talking a motorcycle helmet yeah motorcycle you cannot have a motorcycle helmet on and do anything seriously besides dirt bike looking like the bottom half of a snowman getting mad at someone like please you can't leave me she's like yes i can no she's like i'm not i just think we should work on some things he's like what [Laughter] i can't hear you i can't hear you [Laughter] i never can hear you it's how it always is when i have this [ __ ] helmet on [Laughter] god damn dude um yeah i mean maybe maybe we laugh because we're in america but maybe this is a common thing in like europe or like italy you know are you arguing on a vespa yeah arguing on a vespa and then just [Music] [Laughter] [Music] also dude to like talk yourself to the point of screaming yeah like he talked himself up to that yeah like the the hysteria was growing throughout the whole the whole monologue and by the end he's just had so much [ __ ] in inside himself that he just had to go ah just to let it all out yeah now he i mean that that speech was not directed at her you know what i mean yeah yeah that was like for sure directed at his mom or something or poor guy you know or the or the girl's boyfriend that he was gonna try to oh wow i'm sorry wow i'm sorry now let's go to an ad ladies and gentlemen we want to give a big shout out to babel you know i've always wanted to learn another language but every time i try it just never sticks you know i decided to give babel a try and i'm hooked babel makes it fun and easy to start having conversations in spanish or whatever your preferred language is that's right babel has proven to get you speaking a language within weeks babel designs our course with their courses with real world conversation in mind letting you learn every day practical conversations that you will actually use such as donde empanadas for example that's my example the daily lessons are 10 to 15 minutes and start by teaching you words and phrases then sentences gradually get more complex soon you're 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dude 15 52 and you guys could check in to see if he doesn't hit it new game if nate misses it um one guy has to dm his girl and be like hey nate [ __ ] it do you watch the ad be for like blue chew or something not satisfying your woman dude i was i was digging through old notes um because i needed to add some time for my new video and so i had the dumbest one but this [ __ ] had me chuckling a [ __ ] it was basically like a therapist be like vine okay i said like just an inappropriate therapist like he's like so when you walked in on your wife what exactly was she wearing [Laughter] that's like funny sneaking like inappropriate ass questions yeah that's great she's completely naked whoa wow and we're talking milkers or what these mommy milkies or yeah the reason why i'm asking this is because of the freudian connection that you might have with her big juicy milk wagons is that the case here it's even worse it's like so it's a woman and he's like so when your husband cheated on you who did he cheat on you it's a young girl i couldn't believe it she's like she could be our daughter and he's like oh that's disgusting how old she's like 20. she's barely legal what no nothing it's just observation just barely legal so how did they meet honestly i don't know but it just hurt me because we had the same hair color and it just felt like he went like a younger after a younger version of me ah yes was she as well in doubt what oh that's funny how did they meet i don't she said some dating app was it hinge what's her at though that's her bro um yeah i just had to bring up that dummy did you put that in the video no no no no it was too you know those basically therapists would be like so when you walked in on your wife uh yeah yeah didn't didn't end up using that one [ __ ] um i want uh i want it okay i'm gonna bring up fighting okay i'm really i'm really holding i saw it i watched it i watched the replay which one the one punch one punch oh my god what made that so good dude what makes that so good is that guy's on a 3-0 streak he's 9-0 total his last two fights were like back to back so he fought a dude on saturday and then he took a fight for the next saturday okay and he went up in weight he like he went up a weight class just to have a fight because he just wanted to fight he went up in weight in a week in a week okay and it wasn't a big jump you know but but it was still it was like pretty crazy and then so what happened in the first fight um well he won he's won all he won he right but like he did he get beat up at all or he just won no he won he's 9-0 okay no i mean like did he was it like a long fight where he got he got beat up a little bit or anything like that because oh no it was yeah i think he went the full three rounds so yeah it wasn't like um you know and to take a fight on a week is pretty crazy because yeah that's a nuts you know you don't really know the other guy like you kind of train for that other dude anyway so for this last fight he had um the the dude he was fighting has like a like a crazy long record like he's been in the ufc for a while and he's just been fighting mma for a while and he was like after he fights me he's not going to be able to he got walk out in 17 seconds 17 seconds and it was the first punch that he threw that was the craziest part he threw one kick and then one punch and dropped his ass the dude tweeted afterwards he goes well i [ __ ] that one oh man it's so funny so funny watching the replay and seeing his face the camera's like on him the whole time and he doesn't have no idea he has no idea what's coming and he looks like he's ready to he's ready to you know for a long one he's like here we go here we go lena's on her phone and i grab her leg i say elena don't [ __ ] blink don't blink this one's over i promise you and you got [ __ ] dotted and elena just goes i [ __ ] blinked no way really like she literally didn't see it like she was like what the [ __ ] how did you know it was gonna go fast i just had to i just had a vibe just like off the off like just off the beginning of the round and the way he was stalking him down i'm like this this is not lasting long like that dude he just had a look about him that was like yeah i said all that [ __ ] to hype up the fight but now it's here and looking at him in the face this is a different world oh i see i'm not saying that guy when he looked he looked like he was a little bit scared he he looked like he was like really like he was really remembering his training he's like okay okay just he has to hit i just have to get past the first hit and then it's going to be okay and jamiah's look was like unfortunately he wasn't gonna let that yeah yeah jamaica's look was like i kill you now so here's the best part is after he knocks him out they go to the post fight interview and they're like trying to hide you know they're trying to make it interesting he's like chimaev how do you feel uh how do you feel after a fight like this and he just goes uh oh man i killed this guy oh jesus then that's it and then he's like do you think i get he's like do you think i'll get the bonus 50 g's i want the 50 g's do you think i get the bonus and the guy's like well i don't write the checks um he's like trying to stimulate a conversation he just keeps pay me yeah basically who's going to pay me yeah is he russian um he's like some kind of eastern european hold on i mean i actually know he he's i think he's dutch like his family might be eastern european or something but i i believe he's dutch um hold on hamza chimayo he he's sweet oh he's swedish yeah oh yes he's his parents he's gonna pay me yeah who's going to pay me who's going to pay me the money huh are you going to pay me he's russian-born swedish mix dude hello i need money hello to you i need to be paid i need to be paid dude's so funny to just knock a dude out in 20 seconds to walk up to dana white and be like so you give me the bonus now you fork it up please yeah sure sure sure yeah yeah hey jaina just opens up his wallet yeah yeah no man starts counting 50k in cash [ __ ] tomato head man the other [ __ ] that was funny was like one of the like the co-main event there's like these eye pokes kept happening because this dude kept like his hands open but the way his hands looked it almost looked like he was doing it on purpose okay and he kept and he was like super in a caricature way he was so excited to be fighting donald cerrone like he was [ __ ] cowboy and he was so hyped to like whatever so like he eye pokes him and he's like oh [ __ ] man i'm so sorry he said that like like that was his yeah like he was like really mad at himself and he was like really ant i was like [ __ ] ah he's like i'm sorry it's gonna be like this yeah dude it just looks so funny because it kept looking like he was poking him in the eye on purpose and i'm sorry dude i'm sorry pink getting mad at yourself in a fight is so funny [ __ ] me doing slapping his own head stupid stupid stupid stupid [Laughter] hands closed [ __ ] idiot [Laughter] all right sorry bro let's get back into it it was so good man nico price dude yeah what a night it was um you know okay that's it that's it i'll cap it there i'll cap it there but god damn the [ __ ] oh man i killed this guy he got me so good where the bag yeah where's the bag where's the bag i killed him i killed him i know fumbled the bag do you have [Laughter] all right let's let's watch this math mcconaughey video i got to see this oh oh giggles you want to watch giggles giggles that's what we're calling him after this giggles mcconaughey yeah giggles i still can't smell his last name i need some long branch bro this looks good i'm just watching the preview right now and and telegram oh oh my god wrong branch whiskey i'm gonna [ __ ] oh man i got a big ass suggestion for fool's gone wild what is it matthew mcconaughey what's that is like i don't get it wait's like what's up fool like [Music] bro how have they never used this it's [ __ ] it's begging for it in his last name matthew mcconnell wait wait is that him wait what's that picture of him reading john grissom right there click that oh i gotta open i'll [ __ ] instagram no no no no no no no no no just opened in a new tab okay so what's this is this is this is a brand deal that he has with john chris let me put this on screen bro you have got to be [ __ ] me with this you have got to be [ __ ] me with this bro i love this guy man jake dragons is back no one else can do this picture no one else say that again jake bridges is back a time for mercy by john grissom comes out october 13th oh yeah it's definitely broken john grissom like slipped him some cash hey bro or do you think he's like hitting john grissom like he's like you know he's like a soundcloud rapper like trying to make it that like texas boys like you got to rt this before me man of course bro this is hard as nails who's the last person on instagram you saw with a book brand deal yeah seriously like and that got more than a thousand likes look at the first comment ryan mccarthy nothing like a captivating read in the book emoji what a dweeb nothing like a captivating i never snitch on you daddy oh jesus that's another one i love john grissom books nobody gets a [ __ ] dude dude this is crazy because like he's like a permanent thirst trap like anything he does is a thirst trap yeah which is wild you know he can't he can't even everything he does you know what here's my big big brain thesis essay right here what is it matthew mcconaughey is the most objectified man he's the most man yeah of his generation yeah you know what he could probably yeah i mean i'm about to objectify him further but i'm just saying he could probably ride a vespa with a helmet on uh yeah and when and win that argument yeah and and well because he wouldn't scream yeah he just he'd just be like he'd say some confusing ass [ __ ] and then uh yeah and then and then check his left titty for sweat and then drive away he'd itch his left hit after saying it and then drive away he no he'd go he'd go green live [ __ ] [Laughter] i feel like it this would be like more ambiguous and it's like well you're gonna do whatever the world made you do but i got a green light calling my name so i'll see you later honey she's like wait no let me leave my husband [Laughter] bro on that h3 podcast they pulled up um goddammit i forgot they got dan maybe dan i forget the one of the producers names yeah but he pulled up he pulled i guess he's been collecting matthew mcconaughey quotes for a long time like all the most absurd quotes nice and he pulled up like eight of them to get my reaction and some of them were so absurd i mean i i it's exactly what i imagined his book to be it's just entirely these they're like these oxymorons like he'll write something and it makes no sense like it's a total contradiction it's so [ __ ] great and funny i mean and did he even have a writer for that book like i want like i wonder if it's just solely him writing i feel like he he wrote it yeah and also that [ __ ] drops pretty soon by the way oh so keep that in mind because i did order it so oh you get a little little book club reading oh yeah let's get let's get let's get in with giggles over here hold on and also wait hold on before you open that look at that top left one as well that looks like it might be a reaction video our man's doing reacts we have to watch that after our mans is doing reacts hold on yeah hold on hold on let's get giggles over here bro i can't wait for the for you know our our matthew mcconaugh hayes uh subset to comment oh man giggles is such a good nickname and they're gonna go to this video and be like hi giggles and then then you know the the male subset would be like nothing like a good chuckle matt the male subset yeah you know we got we got dude mcconaughey stands yeah we got a few that respect that respect you know true life i'm 28 years old and i run a stand account for matthew mcconaughey i'm just a fan i can't i mean the guy has charisma what can i say i mean running a stand account for mcconaughey is it's too easy it writes itself i mean i literally just re-upload the clips with glitter on it and they do [ __ ] numbers these things pop the [ __ ] off dude i'll get a little just this is the most this is the strangest video i've seen in a minute so what if oak and mesquite were throwing a party at the lake house this weekend i'd go wait is that it that's it that's the whole thing that's it i didn't even do that what if oak and mesquite were throwing a party at the lake house this weekend i'd go what is that that's why he's such a great actor you can't even laugh like that try to laugh like that it sounds like we sound like goats bro how does he do what so what if oak and mesquite were throwing a party at the lake house this weekend i'd go the first lap reminds me of taylor canips in that one video [Laughter] this is the best vine i've ever seen oh my god he literally can't do any ha ha that laugh love him ha ha that laugh oh my god that laugh and blown away well crafted what the [ __ ] are you talking about that laugh at the end though priceless blown away by this four second video i'm absolutely blown away by what you've managed to accomplish here dude in this one sentence the same person is somewhere like inception sucks i didn't get it blown away by you matthew let's let's peep our man's react dude this guy's yeah let's see this there's two guys bro 830 000 views let's go wait he's going on a green light book tour bro let's see let's pull up come on um he's starting in october wow so he's he doesn't give a [ __ ] no no he's like he's getting out he doesn't give a [ __ ] he's like no i'm we're doing this am i supposed to smash on the road oh he's watching his audition tape hey man whose yeah is this you know bobby hey man hey what's happening say man you gotta join us it'd be a lot cooler if you did [Laughter] that's just how he laughs there it is again that's just how he laughs [Laughter] wait okay wait hold on read this comment on the right by being being be this made my day knew you had it the moment you were on that screen 28 years ago and that movie still holds up just like you god damn god dude that is [ __ ] brutal thirst i can't wow yeah that's federal offense online hornets dude you've been praying for 28 years holy [ __ ] that that's that's like that's like being this like a fan of like a like a sport like a franchise in a sport that just never wins like a cleveland browns yeah like one day yeah it's gonna happen and it like requires so much to line up for that soon to happen when they finally do it i knew they had it i knew it 28 years ago when i was four and my daddy brought me to my first game i knew it i knew it i saw some in those jerseys that's the male equivalent for for being a matthew mcconaughey thirst fan is just being a browns fan yeah dedicated to losing yeah holy [ __ ] this is awesome i love i love i love that he's not providing any commentary no he's literally just watching it and just going and he's thinking about i know he's just like looking at okay let's let's see let's see what he has to say let's see yeah okay see yeah because this is what the [ __ ] we care about what's up nice look at that so that audition which i've never seen was my audition for wuterson days confused which i'm sitting there and i watch and i go man that was 1992 28 years ago you thought you might just have a little three-day job for a summer hobby and 28 years later i still got a little summer job that turned into a career hard flex hard flex hard flex somebody watches this like oh my god it's so hot you can do math it's also you can tell that he he's like he's trying to use his poetic like actor language oh yeah he kind of needs to write to do that yeah like he's trying to make a he's trying to like make up you know a [ __ ] oomph here he's trying to go for it with a statement and he's like and 20 look at this 28 28 years later i still got that summer job that turned into a career and it's like it doesn't that doesn't really make sense yeah yeah i mean i think that's a tough ass flex damn that was 28 years ago and who would have thought i would have turned out to be one of the baddest [ __ ] on screen that's what he should have said that's what i'm saying that's what he [ __ ] showed us that damn this is 28 years ago and look at that i've been in this [ __ ] 28 years not a single insurance commercial and i thought this was a summer job and that summer job paid for this [ __ ] summer house now look at this summer house yeah exactly look at this wood this wood finish behind me oh yeah that's what i need to see toxic mcconaughey yeah [ __ ] yeah not this [ __ ] subdued ass [ __ ] i want to see a [ __ ] i want to see him get [ __ ] up on his own whiskey [Laughter] like i want to see him just house a bottle a long branch like those team actually go to that party you know like they do barley whatever yeah like they do they get they get [ __ ] up i don't know if we said this in the last episode but they are i think we did and i think when you said that i i made a point to like watch for it oh yeah dude carrington gets so [ __ ] up they are wasted that's why they can't like that's that's why i i took back all my [ __ ] talk on them because i'm like oh that's why they keep saying stupid stuff because like they're they're [ __ ] hammered yeah and like like you you look at the flutes they gave them on the uk love island which actually when you think about it is not [ __ ] to an english person like english people [ __ ] drink yeah that's true so when they get those little champagne flutes there's nothing they they're you know they're sober the whole time yeah and then and on this one they got chalices pull up chalice wine every single time well bro um they left a cut in there of celly because remember wes told us they they get like limited drinks yeah um uh they left a cut in there of celly going oh man i'm gonna go get that second drink because i need that [ __ ] so it's like they're trying to space it out those head those heavy ass [ __ ] cups oh i see so they don't they are only supposed to get two yeah but still i think it's yeah wes was saying they like sneak some sometimes like they can steal some from where other islands or something whatever yeah yeah oh yeah i guess other islanders yeah that makes sense yeah i was like oh you didn't use yours well you get the are you caught up i'm close uh i'm all i'm almost caught up a lot the one last night was the last thing i saw was um mckenzie trying to get back with connor and then oh okay yeah you're not carrington tries to break it up yeah so that's how funny is that [ __ ] he's like he walks over can i steal him for a second it's really important it's like what could possibly be important in the in the [ __ ] villa there's nothing going on man like first of all connor bless that guy's heart man he's just so he's just oh man i don't know he's just it's like he's in middle school you know no it's like he's 10 years old man yeah yeah yeah like exactly like a fifth grader yeah it's just i don't even know how that i mean that guy's an accountant i'd be terrified if that guy was doing my plan i'm horrified when he walked in holding the teddy bear ah [Laughter] dude everybody we want to give a big thank you to tyle we all know someone who's constantly losing their stuff if it's you you're not alone the average person wastes 15 minutes a day trying to find their stuff me i'm constantly misplacing my wallet my keys my phone everything and frankly that has all changed since i have purchased tiles what is tile tile is a bluetooth device that helps you keep track of your stuff tile comes in sleek and compact sizes that can attach to your keys or fit in your wallet like a credit card you can also use it on things like bags or your tv remote here this is the credit card one right here this is like a little it's like a yeah it's like you just slip it in there and then you can you always know where your wallet is always um yeah basically here's how the tile works you download the free tile app uh you open your phone if you misplaced or can't find something open the app and tap find your tile device will bring leading you right to your stuff here's something super handy and helpful uh so you can't fire find your phone but have a tile on your keyring talk and help you find your phone even if your phone is on silent um tile comes in fun limited edition prints and colors this is the best one right here look at this hold that bad boy up that's dope it's going straight in my wallet baby um i actually have tiles embedded and everything i have i have one hidden in each of my pelicans um oh that's a good idea yeah i put one it's a really good idea my little uh streetwear bag for uh you know when i when we tr it also sounds like ice cream truck when you're trying to find it it's awesome and you can get a limited edition tile for yourself and everyone who's always losing their stuff go to tile.com tmg shop limited edition collection right now that's t-i-l-e dot com slash tmg uh these fun one-of-a-kind exclusive designs go fast get yours today at tile.com tmg bam folks we want to give a big thank you to hawthorne um my first experiences with cologne i bought a nautica cologne and i blasted my neck every friday every friday and that's why i'm certain i never talk to girls [Laughter] but you can yeah you use hawthorne bam listen i use i use hawthorne oh my god i use hawthorne body wash in the shower every day and it smells fantastic you know you just go online you take the quiz about what you want and then they send you a whole bunch of scents whether it's cologne whether it's body wash whatever you want anything that smells deodorant shampoo body wash face cleanser lotion it shows up with scents that are personalized to you and it smells great it's it's got premium quality ingredients it's easy to buy online and uh luxurious packaging for example yeah um basically it's it's super simple uh you take a two minute quiz and hawthorne will figure out two clones that are best for you uh one for work and one for play and it's totally risk-free with free shipping and free returns how about that check out hawthorne hawthorne.com that's hawthorne with an e and use our promo code tmg to get 10 off your first purchase that's hawthorne.co h-a-w-t-h-o-r-n-e dot co and use our tm code tmg to get 10 off your purchase hawthorne dot co if you're not watching love island this season basically this fool goes to caso moore and um uh uh his lady is like basically hooking up with this other dude talking about how oh and the [ __ ] mental gymnastics that she did oh yeah the worst part is that she pressured him into the relationship basically he didn't want to be in it he didn't actually like her but she kept manipulating him she's so like emotionally manipulative like any time he was trying to be honest she would just break down and cry and so he would he she like kind of trained him not to do that yeah not to open up yeah so eventually he was just scared to like not to break up with her basically he wanted to but she wouldn't let him yeah so he's stuck in this relationship and then he goes to casso moore which is when they go to a separate house with all new dudes and then at the end of three or four days they cook all new dudes the six guys go to hang out with six other guys just to chill no no there's just 12 guys hanging i bet they'd be stoked they'd be like more bros yes let's do it beer pong let's set it up um no they go to hang out with all new girls the girls get a whole new cast of dudes in their house yeah and then they they you know they flirt they crack on for like three four days and then at the end the girls have to decide whether they're gonna pick one of the new guys yeah the guy does the same thing and the guy has to walk into the girls back into the original house yeah they either walk in with someone or they walk in alone right and they see whether or not their girl that they were with before is sitting on the couch with a new guy or sitting alone and so and so mackenzie picks this new guy she she like you know basically flirts with this new guy gets along with him great sudden she's like connor's not that cool anymore and i don't know why i was ever with him just with it just yeah crazy like just like oh he's [ __ ] sucks and yeah and and like it's like well when i think about it he was the one who wasn't just ignoring all the other [ __ ] dark [ __ ] she did yeah and then this dude comes connor comes walking in with this with her teddy bear that she sent him which is [ __ ] up that she sent him that while hooking up with another guy basically to keep him at bay and then he's like he's like oh it smells like her it smells like mackenzie ugh and then meanwhile she's just [ __ ] playing tonsil hockey with this other guy tatted up two dudes like six foot tall tatted dyed blonde hair perfect smile right yeah that's who she's flirting with meanwhile mackenzie is smelling this teddy bear she left them yeah and not flirting with anyone else because he's like no i'm staying loyal and i hate it i hated that that when he walked in with the bear she acted like it was a surprise yeah oh my god he walked in with barnaby whatever the [ __ ] that bear's name is and then she made it about herself she made the whole thing about herself and that that whole situation with the hideaway like god damn they picked a perfect villain oh my god i haven't seen somebody that's spoiled in forever yeah that bro wow wow oh the hi the hideaway when when they got it and or when they when like they got a text that said the hideaway was open and yeah like well come on connor and everyone was like we should talk about this and then she used the words i want it and everyone goes all right the best part is when do we already talk about this when she starts going down on him oh yeah yeah and he's like giggling and all that is like giggling yeah um anyways the show is incredible no we here's one thing we didn't get in that whole scenario which is the worst she goes use the bidet it's crazy and he goes all right and i could tell in his soul he didn't want to sit on that thing he didn't and he goes and he uses it he's like that was crazy whoa i've never seen someone else hostage so bad yeah like that like his his demeanor was um you know it was like front row to open mic yeah that's the whole like yeah he has to laugh he has to respond hey man who who are you here with tonight uh just you know myself man cool man cool this joke is for you there's at least like seven other people here man it doesn't have to be no it's about you man okay this is my guy he's gonna laugh yeah i love comedy i love comedy i love to sit here and watch the worst part about the whole thing is that after after that happened the next couple days the dude that the new guy with mackenzie realizes that she is indeed crazy and so they end up like kind of splitting up and she goes back to connor and somehow gets him to kind of almost consider going back with her dude like how brutal is that dude the heal man man oh man so i appreciate carrington just trying to split it up yeah and and i was crying laughing when when when john when johnny and caleb when he came when he comes back and they they like they cut to her and she's like um and they cut to the dudes and they're like you don't owe her anything they're really trying to drill it through his head oh she stinks yeah yeah and even the girls are like connor you can't you just you can't and even the dudes to mackenzie even carrington to mackenzie was like listen i love you but you [ __ ] put this dude through so much yeah you just back off yeah just leave them alone just [ __ ] go away bro and then what's so funny is it when when she's talking about jaylen the other dude she's hung out with and then the girl's like well maybe this and that and she just starts crying she's like i thought but i thought it was about me and like no one's talking about my feelings it's just like and they're like uh we're just trying to give you what he might have meant by that just a little bit of perspective and everyone in that room was like okay as soon as she starts that as soon as she does that face where she's like but i oh oh jesus [ __ ] christ here we go again and it's not even like real crying yeah you know what i mean like it's just like the feel bad for me face that's just oh man at least a little sympathy it's it's kind of it's it's perfect though to pick the perfect person them too it's yeah it's great it's just this season is so so [ __ ] great so this is so basically i don't think you've watched this far yet this isn't really a spoiler but three new guys enter and like two or three episodes in one of them just disappears and and everyone on twitter is like i was on a oh i was on an instagram post comment thread and i was reading because they're all like what the [ __ ] happened to this guy what happened to this guy apparently someone found him in gay porn and i guess he like didn't tell the producers or something before he got casted and so they kicked him off for it whoa yeah this is all through instagram comments so i don't know if it's true that's a great ass rumor but someone posted someone posted the link and there was like three people that responded they were like oh my god that is him that is him oh come on man so what is so was it i did it i didn't click it i i didn't all right i clicked it but you know i clicked it let me just say this guy could sit on a cake all right okay exactly this guy could sit on a cake no i could tell by the ass it's definitely it's definitely him yeah oh man you asked us the other day but in the past to the quarantine i blame i blame following uh gamers there have been so many [ __ ] dicks on my timeline it's been ridiculous man like what else it's the dude curling and just all kinds of [ __ ] man curling with his with his doing curls with you know he like replied to like a video of a dude doing curls with his dick he's like have to have these dudes like respond with porn clips to be funny to like innocuous [ __ ] yeah yeah i'm going live at seven and then the [ __ ] reply with a video of a dude like like you're slapping his meat and then the dude will respond like lmao [Laughter] that's funny see twitter wants to keep auto play but they don't screen their content like facebook's content is screened out to ass so the autoplay is all right maybe it's not actually i have never probably isn't i haven't been on facebook in years so but twitter is kind of the wild west with that [ __ ] sir uh still yeah it's just people [ __ ] yeah yeah all the time i'm seeing people which is great that's what it should be yeah no like i love that twitter never took down porn yeah yeah like they're still the last remaining social network that is it's just fine to have porn on there it's awesome what other one has done that tumblr even shut it [ __ ] down tumblr was like where you went for porn but dude dude there was like a random clip i saw the other day of a of a porn it was like a girl in a conference room she's just in the conference room and the setup is like clearly like some you know workplace point like sex [ __ ] and she looks around the conference room then she looks out the door to the conference room to make sure no one is coming in and she bends over to pick up an expo marker and this dude just dips into the shot lifts up her dress and then runs out and she stands up she's like huh i don't like laughing i'm like bro that is like if that actually happened in real life it's like that's like oh my god it's like the perfect example of workplace sexual harassment right there i never i brought this up before i'm bringing up again if someone can find this video somehow i'll put this out into the [ __ ] ether and i hope it comes back was it the sketch no it was it was it was one of my jobs we had to watch a sexual harassment video and one of the sexual harassment segments was inappropriate touching but it was they had this character i don't know the guy's name but they were like i think it was like bob they're like did bob give you one of his inappropriate hugs again it like shows him like in another scene where he like hugs someone and dude it's the like he's like the nastiest looking [ __ ] and he's just grabbing people at work and like hugging the [ __ ] out of him like like you know like grabbing their ass kicked no like nice work on that memo like a borderline look nice nice oh my god he's like jacking off their body like against his chest inappropriate hug and i'm like bro that is awesome that is so far beyond inappropriate hug he's like just like he's like gyrating he's doing like grinding with them a little bit yeah what time's that meeting today oh my [ __ ] god dude too [ __ ] he just comes up behind puts his hands on their waist and he's just grinding on him a little bit hey man how's your weekend by the way you're coming to the company party this week or what because i want to see you move man i want to see how you get there yeah it's everyone guys girls doesn't matter every single one he's just is it inappropriate hugs knows no bounds he's just yo what's up boss bro what's up boss yeah i'll get that work to you later today all right you know that one-handed [ __ ] you you do to your girl like you might wrap your arm around her with one hand like one arm and you might yeah grab one cheek and pull her in yeah yeah he's just doing that just holding the dude on his side hey hey david what's up bruh pow pull him in points at someone else he's just holding him like his girl yo hit me with that [ __ ] excel [ __ ] later [Laughter] we got some work to do me and my boy over here and he's just talking to him like that like he holds it like that for a little while so yeah man um so what do you think about the new accounting changes you take a look at those kpis that she's crazy man wow kpi goals are ridiculous we don't have to spend for that anyways scram got here go get to work get to work all right i'm going to tell larry get to work slap it on the ass get out of here oh my god dude it's like you've seen that sexual harassment sketch right um yeah yeah yeah the old one the classic yeah you got the inappropriate boner and all that [ __ ] yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah [ __ ] it yeah that's a classic sorry i'm just man just inappropriate hugging some lady and then being like don't tell janice she's my actual work wife [ __ ] dude if someone can find that [ __ ] for me i promise you that's that's the it's the funniest what was the inappropriate hug like what what was the was he doing no he he he was like or i think they call like an inappropriate bear hug because he was like bear hugging people and just holding on to him for too long yeah nah that is creepy it just also makes me think what the [ __ ] was going on like in the 90s in the workplace that because you know the our the company i was at they hadn't upgraded that dvd in easily 10-15 years yeah so i'm like what like what was the 90s like that they had to make that video like all right you know like oh what would be a premise that most people understand oh like a bear hug peop guys are always doing bear hugs oh yeah guys always bear hugging at work that's so funny like is there like a stereotype in the 90s like a bear hugging dude oh yeah we got it oh yeah the bear hug yeah i hate that it happens every single day and then that guy coming to work i guess we can't bear hug anymore i was like four or five dudes you know doing like locker room talk in the break room was like how many how many bear hugs you give oh god bear hug the [ __ ] out of jackie sexual harassment squad triple s yeah i guess can't bear hug anymore things are getting so pc oh my god oh here we go the pc police can't even bear everyone's offended now it's just a little hug what do you [ __ ] report your mom when she gives you a hug too you [ __ ] fight your mom well you're fighting fight your parents huh fire them [ __ ] i didn't like this job anyways oh my [ __ ] god victim blaming to the umpteenth [Laughter] god damn yeah what was the 90s like everyone just drunk as [ __ ] too is that yeah yeah yeah probably that's probably what it was just getting wasted at work yeah that's why they had to put all those signs everywhere you can't be drunk and then imagine what the christmas party was like oh it's probably i mean nowadays that's where the [ __ ] goes down now you know yeah i mean just get a little loose they get a little sauced up and then they you know it's got to be a carryover from like 50s right like when dudes were just like doing like drinking whiskey at 11 yeah and you know they had they had [ __ ] they had um like cough drops with cocaine in them yeah yeah right or just coca-cola yeah it's it's i mean that must be why they talked like that in the 50s because they're all on coke yeah yeah shay that's more like the 20s yeah yeah a little bit earlier but that's when actually when did coca-cola exist with the cocaine in it um well that was like wasn't that oh was it 50s cocaine coca-cola fact check cocaine and coca-cola back in the [ __ ] it's so funny to picture too oh dudes just like drinking it like sharing a coke bro what just like [ __ ] what coconuts right it was like 1885 yeah dude i did not realize coca-cola was that old man what the classic [ __ ] [ __ ] dude this was like prohibition era yeah dude what the [ __ ] so when did it have cocaine in it um just how much cocaine was originally in the formulation is hard to turn but the drink undeniably contained some cocaine in its early days i wonder if there's like one more left of that oh the original like in a museum somewhere um um like that we could just buy like before one podcast like get a little bit a little bit yacked up you know might be fun hold on all right folks we're off the original coke right now [Laughter] and honestly oh what the [ __ ] these people made it oh we can watch this in the bone zone let's go man all right let's do it all right see you guys in the bones i'm gonna take a little pizza cocaine coca-cola do it thank you tmgpod.com if you want to get merch thank you bye see you guys

Channel: Tiny Meat Gang

Views: 250,178

Rating: 4.9486756 out of 5

Keywords:

Id: 50mbKipcz80

Length: 66min 20sec (3980 seconds)

Published: Thu Sep 24 2020