"British vs. Americans" - Jim Gaffigan Stand up (Noble Ape)

I do enjoy traveling to other countries seeing how different but essentially similar we all are like like the UK is not that different from the US you know if anything you go over there and it seems like British people are trying to be different from Americans they're like oh you drive on the right side of the road and then we're gonna drive on the left side of the road oh you call your mother mom then we're gonna call our mum oh you call that a cookies and we're not going to the dentist [Applause] I did notice something when I was over there you know British people they don't say thought before Hospital you ever noticed that there look Hospital I was feeling not good so I went to hospital whenever they would do that I'd say stop that that's wrong and weird are you trying to sound like a polite caveman and I had a friend from London he was like what makes you think you're doing it properly and I go cuz I'm American and we invented the English language it was a pet peeve of mine so I did some research you know why British people don't say though before hospital because their dicks British people always talk to Americans like we just walked into their jewelry store with two full bags of garbage [Music] are you lost [Music] obviously I love the breads and I would never do those jokes there I have been lucky enough to perform in the UK a couple times and one time I was walking through Piccadilly Circus which for the record is a horrible circus there's no animals and noise one through Piccadilly Circus and I saw they had an M&M store and I looked at that M&M store it just made me think of all the things the British have given the Americans like our language Shakespeare is a Magna Carta and I looked at the M&M store and I thought now we're even when I look at the M&M sir I wasn't even embarrassed to be American I was ashamed to be human because as anyone at any point in their life thought when are they gonna open an M&M store sure I can buy em n abs absolutely anywhere but I like to buy in bulk in a pro M&M environment obviously we don't need an M&M store we don't even need different colored M&Ms they all taste the same they're just bits of chocolate shaped like advil with an M on it they're not even M&Ms their ends we don't do so with anything else you want some raisin and raisins good grab a handful of raisin and raisins now I don't even know how many M&Ms or M's they would have to sell in London to justify Piccadilly Circus real estate but this M&M store is massive in the UK it is three levels which I guess makes sense because the first level so you can buy M&Ms the second level so you can buy more M&Ms and then the third level so you can jump to your death [Music] by the way I don't have any judgment if you personally enjoy going to the M&M store that's fine but obviously you shouldn't vote I was with my kids at the time and they wanted to go to the M&M store cuz little children only want to do horrible things kids never want to do something fun like sit in a dark bar and drink beer and I remember standing there with my kids and I was aware that there were other parents with their children in the M&M store because that's what you do as a parent you do things with your kids because you love them but I realized in that moment I don't love my kids that much I love them enough to walk by the M&M store Jim you're a monster but being a parent is not that different from being a tourist it's essentially the same experience and both you walk around exhausted spending money you don't have while you look for a bathroom I would do anything for my wife I'm aware of that but there are people that are more romantic Prince Edward abdicated his right to the English throne for the woman he loved isn't it unbelievable he was forced to choose between the woman he loved or being King of England and that idiot chose the broad now I'm sure in that moment it was the right decision and I'm happily married but even in the best relationship each person has thoughts where they go I've made an enormous mistake but we never thought I could have been king of England do you think Prince Edward really ever got over that every time he had to empty the trash the King of England can chat with his ex on Facebook can you imagine what kind of news event that abdication was in the UK there there wasn't been he's gone mad we should get him to hospital Jim your British accent is getting worse why wouldn't you take five minutes and learn a good accent it's just lazy lazy wow that was amazing I feel like we really connected I think you're ready to move the relationship to subscribe if the button wasn't down there subscribe just do it yeah

Channel: jimgaffigan

Views: 569,841

Rating: 4.9136691 out of 5

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Id: sR8GYg32a0s

Length: 6min 39sec (399 seconds)

Published: Thu Jun 25 2020