"Canadians are Weird..." - Jim Gaffigan Stand up (Pale Tourist)

we're having an election in america so there's bound to be some uh americans that threatened to move to canada if that person gets elected i'm moving to canada i don't remember canada extending an invitation it's like and i've been coming to canada for years been recruited zero times no one's ever called me hey you live in the states you ever thought of making a move how you feel about clam juice he better stop with the clam jokes it's just it's getting too much in my uh hotel uh there's a youth hockey team staying there there is a youth hockey team staying in every canadian hotel are they allowed to go home how long are these tournaments every hotel every time i'm in an elevator in a canadian hotel i feel like someone in the other room's like sending the kids with this smelly hockey bags there's not enough room just do it just do it tom will come and clam juice that better be the last clam juice joe but of course the the youth hockey league that's all about the canadian hockey dream right there you know parents drive their children all around canada because there's the dream that maybe their child might be just by chance maybe the next wayne gretzky right and i'm here to tell you it's probably not there's only one great one and i i think he lives in phoenix let's kill him i remember the first time i came to canada the the big difference i noticed was that uh things are measured differently right temperature and distance and remember at the time being like well that's annoying then eventually i realized it wasn't just canada it was the entire world that uses the metric system except for us and i tell you it was strange as an american to realize every other country on the planet was wrong right it should change for us because we all know god loves america more and that love is measured in feet now here's how i can tell the way americans measure things is annoying because occasionally you run into a british person who will announce their weight in stones i'm nearly 12 stain i'm sorry are you a caveman we equal 12 rock we as tallest 10 log how do the english say stone with a straight face it's like how do you condescend to the entire world when you're weighing yourself in boulders we're going to leave the eu and return to our pebble economy i do love doing international shows it's different with trump as president i know you guys are all fans of his but no it's different with trump especially it's kind of like having a parent that's an alcoholic show up in a country like sorry about my dad trying to get the phone from them proven harder than we thought i find canadians are the least phased by trump because you know within the world you know it's like because canadians you know trump is just an exaggeration of the american stereotype you know americans are known as obnoxious trump is just turning up the dial right that's uh that's the american stereotype obnoxious the canadian stereotype polite which is not a stereotype it's a compliment but you guys still get angry we're not polite we're passive aggressive but what you don't realize to an american passive aggressive is blood but everything about canada is pleasant even the canadian flag most national flags have all these macho symbols like mexico is an eagle eating a snake america's stars on stripes and candace is like spit a leaf out there one for every province i just want may believe as a result everyone likes canadians everyone likes canadians you know not liking canadians is an indication of a mental problem i don't like canadians or puppies remember when china was mad at canada the whole world was like come on china that's a red flag with the star in the middle how many flag jokes hi thanks for watching hit subscribe if you want if you want to see more stand up more stand up or if you want to see an original show like let's get cooking or the mike and pat show that's available on my channel but also just know that i'll be posting a new video every day during this pandemic or until the world ends please hit subscribe and turn on your alert or notification button

Channel: jimgaffigan

Views: 743,284

Rating: 4.8565788 out of 5

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Id: mnxqLzSRGlw

Length: 6min 9sec (369 seconds)

Published: Fri Aug 07 2020