Bitlife but I make the perfect person

hey there friends how's it going my name is kevin and today we're doing something a little bit different i'm going to try and actually be a successful person for the first time in my life and many many other lives for example last time i was executed by electric chair oh kind of ironic that i went spell perfect as their name and i spelled it perfectly yeah there we go make him look sad just have pity okay now that's just sad in a different way but i'm going with it that's apparently what the perfect person looks like oh my god age two just nothing happened that's new oh now i'm suffering from the flu god damn it wait ai is rising up oh my god they're putting a condom over the tailpipe of your teacher's car report it to the principal it's the right thing to do oh my god ai stop just blew a spit one in class when your teacher mrs seaman had her back turned reported to the principal ai is gonna end up killing me if i keep turning against it like this oh my god your classmate max has been telling everyone at social media that you're a teacher's pet what would he do well max i guess i'll report you to the principal see what he has to say about it he said he'd look into it well max from what i can see you are absolutely right they are a teacher's pet case dismissed would the perfect person have a tick tock i'm gonna say yes oh god my friend wants to cheat off me reporter to the principal the amount of people i've tackled on i don't know how are my grades oh god they're not that good and my popularity is not good either understandably why does mrs stone not like me compliment it oh my god ai hates me alexa why do you hate me you seem all right to me only all right you're supposed to say that you don't hate me it started as a joke but it ended up with real hurt you told your english teacher mrs stone that your uncle would find her really attractive great well would you look at that my grades have gone up what a coincidence interact with brainy kids your high school today you must have high smarts and grades to join this special click maybe i should try and improve my grades a little bit first mrs stone can i say you are absolutely magnetic today instead of actually buckling down and studying i'm just inviting them to sit with me at lunch that's just creepy hey mr mr principal would you mind sitting with me for once [Laughter] like he's 16 but look at those grades i got rejected what why i'm the brainiest kid oh no wait i'm not i just sucked up a lot i didn't even study all right hold on one second let me let me become smart oh god i don't know if that's possible what does this road sign mean recycled oil it is driving along you're like ooh recycled oil circular intersection do you mean roundabout well i passed i'll floss to that i'm gonna make a tick-tock post i got ten views my popularity is empty i'm too nerdy to even join the brainy kids i tried hanging out with them and they ignored me this is embarrassing i tried to compliment their leader i said the leader of the brainy kids is the best and they ignored me and now my happiness has plummeted surely i can get a really good job now i'm gonna go into finance sixty thousand my parents will pay right i'm the perfect child refused why were you allowing me to suck up the teachers the whole time if you won't let me advance my education oh i got a scholarship because i'm a suck-up what i'm not intelligent what the god damn it oh my god my father died and he only gave me a dollar like unfairness now if you're giving me a dollar that's worse than nothing if you give me nothing maybe i'll be like yeah maybe he forgot you know probably wasn't expecting to die but if he gives me a dollar specifically that's pretty insulting that's like oh here's a dollar just so you can't contest the will everything is going to your mother i'm so tempted to skip the funeral but no i will attend his funeral because i'm the perfect person look how pissed off he is where'd the dollar go i needed that your friend and classmate goober of course my only friend's name is goober wants you to skip class with him i'll just call the principal from the from the high school like uber's gonna cut class for the last time stop calling me it's 4 am and you don't go to my school anymore how do i become happy that's such a sad question i could suck up to the teachers that might be nice or now i can seduce the teachers i added my professor on snapchat that's actually probably weirder than seducing the teacher oh my god the dean hates me oh it's going to be like a 90s the epic movie you'll never stop us from having fun dean i left her a gift card she didn't like it i told you to stop being so obvious oh my god it's mortified look at him three percent happiness because the sucking up got neglected what are the highest paying jobs um let's see bank work experience banker but i want to i want a job and i don't have any experience i was studying for like 20 years is that not good enough for you oh i guess i'll just become a fisherman then no no no no no no no i'm committed to making a really successful person for a change business analyst perhaps where do you see yourself in five years in a leadership role within your company i'll be taking your job if you step one foot out of line i'm telling the principal yes i got hired i got a job your friends are all joining youtube trust me if you want to be the perfect person stay away from it i have gout the perfect person does not have gout yes my gout is gone go out gout no that was that was very painful i imagine i'm sorry the perfect person needs to become the perfect person in all aspects so let's get some surgery yeah hit me up with one of these dr dangle is a very fitting name all right let's go with that wow eyelid surgery i don't even know what that is but i like getting in this game because it tends to improve your looks a lot what would i look like without eyelids do you think it would improve my image now he's happy look how happy he is his depression is cured his eyelids are forcibly open and he sees the true beauty of the world and you just got an increase who said money can't buy you happiness how do i get surgery to make brain bigger all right i look fantastic time to suck up to my supervisor he refused to hang out with me you know what that must hurt perfect person but i gotta say maybe asking him to go yodeling was the problem maybe you weren't the issue just pay him a compliment there you go what did i say i called him wonderful everyone could use that you know what everyone you're wonderful did that help i think that's a lovely compliment could i have a promotion ask for a raise never got back to you well so much for being wonderful we're gonna have to work our way up the career ladder it's important we don't have much time it's only a matter of time before i [ __ ] all of this up somehow i've literally never even spoken to anyone else at my job i just keep talking my supervisor what kind of gift would tyler clarkson like a dead daisy perhaps i could use some money that my dead father left me it's like my dead father left me this money and well i couldn't think of a better way to spend it than on you the supervisor's just like i've spoken to you twice and i wish it was less i'm gonna give him penis elijah bills he didn't like it sorry all right the perfect person has his limits i got a raise i'm a junior business analyst what if i just try for a business analyst do you handle conflict well i usually just title on people i got the job yay take that old supervisor that didn't like me now layla young my new supervisor would you by any chance like some penis enlargement pills and if not i could introduce you to my doctor dr dangle i'm the perfect person hold on i better send my mom a gift i haven't talked to her years but let me just send her a what do moms like an oil diffuser moms love essential oils and whatnot live laugh love what no no i don't want to give my mom money jesus christ oh my god oopsie daisy sorry i was tall i thought i was talking my supervisor no interest in sucking up to you give her a sonos once around speak you know what it's 200 bucks go ahead she loves this great everyone is corruptable everyone has their price my popularity is really going down oh no the senior internal auditor feckin hates me they all hate me just because i went off and made haikus with the supervisor they don't like me what now i just had a conversation with her about our favorite workers god good thing i signed up for tick tock you know that insider knowledge really comes in handy i have a headache go to the doctor it's like the first time i've i've been confronted with an issue and i actually go to the doctor i'm usually just like just pray just pray it goes away why did you ask her to go cliff diving just hang out with your supervisor in a normal way it doesn't have to be yodling or cliff diving just say hey wanna write some haikus go to the cinema whatever something normal honestly i think i should just keep complimenting her because my guy can't screw that up the only thing he's screwing up is the relationship with the rest of the entire office but the supervisor is loving it work on self-improvement no i just want like surgery to make me samaritan i don't want to put in any effort how to win friends and influence people yes read it oh perfect's sake i forgot i have to actually turn the pages 546 no pick a different book captain underpants in the attack of the talking toilets that's much better how many pages is that 133 i can do that i'm just here reading a children's novel at work like smoking a pipe this captain underpants quite insightful what would we do if toilets attacked why are these books so [ __ ] long i just want to read captain underpants over and over again genre self-help the only way i could help myself right now is with like an auto clicker bot or something i just want to go cosplay as captain underpants oh we're halfway there whoa okay that just made me 100 smack my one thing i was missing was the ability to read and how did i have learned to read i'm 100 smack i'm gonna go to the doctor just to improve my health i i don't have anything wrong with me i'm just going to see dr hill over here oh wait i do have migraines could you fix them for me no fix them no one can fix my migraines go to the emergency room no expense spared this maybe see a doctor instead go to the emergency room in an ambulance like oh headache i need paracetamol whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa you discovered through your research that your company will be more profitable if it eliminated all health insurance benefits i don't i feel like this could backfire given that i have health issues but recommend the benefits be eliminated if i want to move up the ladder i don't think that my boss is even going to be that impressed like i told my company that it would be more profitable if they caught health insurance for all employees like i could go to them and say do you know we'll be more profitable if we stop paying everyone it is true but is it practical most would say no jim pickens would say yes look at that my supervisor loves me everyone else except for the new person hates me oh i'm so hated it's hard being this perfect you encounter a coyote take it to the shelter run for my life i don't know how aggressive coyotes have why does it say dog as well i got a raise at least but this isn't good enough the perfect person deserves more perfect wages i think it's time for perfect person to find a perfect mate uh no not perfect enough wait i missed click to find then we're breaking off i love how it has the little wave emoji i buy oh this is a lot of green senior flight attendant perfect yeah go for it yes good job your co-worker robin started a rumor that you're the biggest gossiper and staff no one's gonna believe you nobody even talks to me how could i gossip oh no wait i've got a new supervisor no i work so hard at not working hard your co-worker penelope just informed you that she plans to sleep her way to the top and would love to start the bottom with you finally someone to tackle on it's been so long rewarded hr goodness gracious honey you wouldn't believe what happened at work give her a compliment there show her about how much she's appreciated it feels weird not making the bad choices oh my god robin again making some network marketing business opportunity reporter why is everyone a problem and where i work except for me the perfect person god i'm humble i think it's time we bought our personal little a little house a little house in the suburbs where we can have little perfect people together pickens brothers jewelry oh wait hold on i gotta buy a ring first a diamond ring for 50 grand seems something the perfect person would do i was gonna get this because it's nice and cheap but it's a 161 dead end drive oh there we go a cottage for a hundred grand buy it with cash oh that's nice my boss's performance is holding the company back that could be my job report my findings i got an increase yes i got a raise all right now let's ask let's ask the woman to get married will we at a marijuana farm wow these are all bad options let's go with the music festival that's the most fitting i guess she accepted always is that nice you ain't grocery shopping with your supervisor all your co-workers give you high fives or slash that happened right now that i went shopping with you could you give me like a raise that would be lovely what oh you're promoted okay that works your fiance julie is demanding you get married i kind of forgot hold on yeah let's plan the wedding at a country club in the pyramids of egypt what last name will you choose keep mr person never really thought my name was literally mr person imagine trying to make a reservation anywhere yes i'd like a reservation for eight uh yeah it's mr person hello all right baby time i'm thinking cheaper by the dozen here we we have children in bulk and it'll make it cheaper per per child okay baby boy first person she's gonna think that only he like sees the world in first person everyone else is like third person come on make another one if i have to keep hearing him say oh yeah and nothing common of it we need at least two will we trying to die that would be something the perfect people would do he has my eyes unfortunately i don't know how he's such good genetics like all his stats were so high but like my person's stats are high because of surgery oh god my supervisor just come to how fashionable a co-worker looks i am jealous reporter to hr she was reprimanded that was the only person who was reprimanded for doing something that sounded pretty innocent that i adopt the child i can't remember i forgot maybe i shouldn't adopt the child i don't seem ready for it oh there's no children yes sorry i completely blanked that out i just immediately repressed it i guess we'll stick with one child then we'll have a cat we'll have a dog the cat will be named dog and the dog will be named cat it's the perfect family your wife is arguing with you because she's afraid of your new bernie's mountain dog cat what will you do apologize like what do you want me to say oh i just inherited a quarter of a million dollars attend that funeral way better than that and you're pregnant oh this is wonderful news oh he's depressed everything just went bad it's the dog's fault isn't it i've been hacking up massive amounts of mucus what's happening why why is it all going downhill fittingly enough it's dr hill i'm going to no my dog cat died he's getting so angry what's happened all of a sudden no my cat dog died she said that raunching apparently a diet from alcohol poisoning putting a damper on an otherwise lit party you donate many of your things you declutter your home that's gotta improve your mood depression is gone [Music] have i reached the top of my career i think i actually have by jesus i didn't see that coming but i'll take the family on a cruise shirt so we've no dog or cat to look after anymore your wife does not want to come with you your child does okay your son first asked you to take him to hold up signs outside the tv networks what do you mean i didn't enjoy it whatever it is what did it say on the signs oh my god robin you were literally going gray and you're still picking on me post an ad with free golden retrievers and put my number on it i'm reporting you robin get back to work she's been abusing me for decades i know you're the perfect person but even the perfect person has their limits look for a hit man 19 yep ran off with the money without pulling him god damn it you know what i have plenty of money to spare it's not about the money it's about being the perfect person and the perfect person would kill robin no luck god damn it all right next year hitman all right uh robin where are you where are you robin are you serious you're not on the list where is robin she's robbing me of my chance to kill her are you serious you're gone now maybe my hitman did finish the job i was checking into the family to make sure they were okay had a conversation and apparently talked with julia about how it's a felony to sell children in florida then in play it's not a felony everywhere else because this first person person is kind of pissing me off feel like they're holding us back first is asking for college education yep i'm paying it because i'm the perfect person can i go double my money at the casino am i will i could bet half a million on blackjack like if i win then i double my money i like my odds oh no oh no how am i gonna explain this to my wife wait i didn't want to go again hold on hold on slow down here wait i'm busting i didn't want to go oh my god oh my god my wife is going to kill me leave the casino oh no she's angry i'm depressed i've lost nearly my whole life's savings on one hand of blackjack and i've never played it before in my life why did i think that was a good idea oh my god this hairstyle's actually improved what age is he now 66 god he's doing well wait the wife wants a divorce because perfect person picks their nose really they're one flaw you actually couldn't even find a flaw so you just went with that she wants 471 000 i don't even have that i'm negative what the hell is this no you're why are you sending me pictures oh forward it to my friends no file a restraining order yeah a restraining order even my son hates me why i didn't mean to ask for money god damn it that's not gonna improve her relationship i meant to compliment him i called him a god a weird compliment he isn't interested in having a conversation this is your fault julia where's that hit man why does it always come back to this pull off the hit on my ex chula using a beer bottle all right well there you go oh no go to the doctor dr hill i have another problem all right son you've no one else except for me now oh you even have a granddaughter oh no you'll talk to her instead you think the hitman would take out a baby you won't go to the movies with me what do i need to do for you to love me do you want me to get surgery is that it look son i look absolutely litty will you hang out with me now he's not interested in having a conversation with me [Music] you forced me to do this son i'm calling the hitmen your hitman al capone ran off with your money god damn it all right next year i've been feeling so good lately that i can't stop listening to happy by pharrell williams anyway let's get calling that hitman yes fat tony with the long sword my son was murdered and i'm depressed at least the granddaughter likes him there's someone in his life giving them 10 grand buy their happiness that's all we can do i'm no longer depressed on your way to a taylor swift concert i'm 80 something you encounter a call girl hollering at you solicitor retire and take pension his years are so uneventful now nothing is going on wait it's like he's nothing going on in his life he's made a ton of money i'm gonna get him something cool like a plane but of course i don't want him to crash it so i'll get some training lessons immediately crashed my training aircraft and died oh for [ __ ] sake ribbon successful is that what you called success that is so sad but you know what that is karma for killing both your ex-wife and your son just because they didn't like you all right folks we're gonna end it there i hope you enjoyed and i hope to see you tomorrow subscribe if you're new thanks bye for now

Channel: Call Me Kevin

Views: 973,460

Rating: 4.9666576 out of 5

Keywords: Call Me Kevin, Call Me, CallMeKevin, CallMe, bitlife, bitlife challenge, playing bitlife, bitlife life simulator, bitlife update, bitlife god mode, bitlife politics, bitlife game, bitlife gameplay, bitlife funny, bitlife funny moments, living my bitlife, bitlife life simulator gameplay, bitlife callmekevin, bitlife perfect person, bitlife good choices

Id: CCU1OdDzC9w

Length: 20min 1sec (1201 seconds)

Published: Sat Mar 13 2021