I tried living my real life in Bitlife

hey there friends how's it going my name is kevin and today we're playing some bit life and you know i decided to give myself a challenge i can actually do because last time i tried to be a sugar baby and now some dude's baby is dead oh if i keep doing that i'm gonna be deceased all right we're gonna be me and i'm gonna be me i wouldn't i wouldn't make you be me that would that would be cruel and unusual punishment all right i come from ireland so apparently very well cork first name kevin's second name call me oh you didn't know that was my full name ow jesus pay attention select your appearance oh that already looks so much like me there we go kevin call me as created now attributes athleticism wow what a putt that's a zero no you know what i should i should put them all to 50 so i'm not giving myself any advantage or disadvantage oh god i feel like health shouldn't be at 50 but we're rolling with it we're rolling with it hey why did you start my looks at fly come on dude start kevin's life fantastic my papa is a magician one of these days he's going to make me disappear your gums hurt oh they do thankfully this game understands me at last what would i chew on i feel like if i was a baby i'd be chewing on my mother's cell phone yeah my happiness got a nice healthy boost there 51 my smarts went down a percent unfortunately on now i get lunch watching curious george this life is the best this is the best version of me can i eat your phone please no i can't family vacation i'll definitely complain but go he ungrateful little brat and then he loved it i'm loving this but i'm not happy about it your classmate ryan has been telling everyone to social media that you were a teacher's pet second bastard look at him don't look shocked yeah i'm talking about you well ryan i'm gonna do nothing about it social media didn't even exist back then thank god i'm so glad i missed that portion your mother and father have divorced well in the end my dad was a magician he disappeared from our lives one day the trick will wear off oh my god i just got a really mean stepfather i'm just gonna call him guy oh my god he's so old f oh my god f in the chat boys i can't see the other letter where is it oh my god it was an e he looks so miserable i don't wear glasses should i get glasses just so that i fit in with my bit life character i can really commit to this i could go to like comic-con cosplaying as myself from bitlife oh this would make me happier but there's no way i would have went to the local pool with a kid from my neighborhood and his brother oh my god i'm [ __ ] miserable i'm depressed age 15 this is sounding really real now this is too realistic this is like a dramatic reenactment of my childhood oh my god someone's trying to kiss me run away oh my god i've i've finished school i should have left it a bit earlier if we wanted to be historically accurate but i'm done school and my health is at zero percent and my happiness is at 12. and i don't look great maybe it's the glasses they don't suit me right guys right all right well [ __ ] getting a job i'm gonna become a youtuber hold on i'm gonna try this for a few years i signed up for a youtube account and i'm already happier it was meant to be you're depressed your therapist just turns to you have you tried like just creating a youtube account like don't make any content you don't need any subs or anything just literally sign up and you will get a boost of happiness i'm gonna post a gameplay video gaming you posted gaming video uh mortal kombat no kevin mistake all you do is mash the same move over and over and over again and hope you win oh my god solitaire i'm really going for the trending stuff aren't i well actually that's that's accurate i don't really play the trending stuff usually don't let gypsy fall down a hole babe oh people just don't like me well to be fair i got a 100 sub rate i got two views and two subscribers all right well since my parents are divorced i'm gonna pit them against each other my mom gave me 61 euros okay i love my dad more my father gave me 54. okay i love my mom more than sorry dad oh my god i'm literally getting two views on everything it's just those two subs from earlier they're very committed to watching my stuff they watch them all but no one else does at least i'm no longer depressed i made a video on oregon trail and i feel fine now i know my mistake i've been thinking a lot lately about why baseball managers were the same uniform as the players and now i'm cured of depression there we go now i'm on to call of duty now we're up in the double digits boys oh my god this is not really working out like my start on youtube was very slow also i don't make a good first impression if you're new here oh hello but our virtual pretend kevin is even worse no one no one has any interest in him and it's always the same 13 views and youtube doesn't really you know stop the the view count and check if they're legit until there's a good view i think so this is probably realistically all me yes we're back on cod this rakes in the subscribers look at that i don't even know what that number is never seen it before grand theft auto yes we're on the right track what am i gonna do for a hundred i'm gonna do something special for a hundred subs i'll wait and no one subbed for that one okay well not a great choice in game kevin oh god how do you basketball okay it's running the opposite way all right we're gonna do a special video what do people want to see me do i think for my 100 sub special video i will make a political video oh my god people actually love that uh so politics um that person you like love them i love the policy uh that part you like about the the part i love it i voted for them too please subscribe all right kevin now that you've finally made it unfortunately this is the part of your life where you just delete your account i know i know it's hard but this is the part where you decide retail is a better job for you maybe i should have checked retail was there first before deleting my channel maybe i should have got the job first oh cashier okay i completely missed that which of these star wars characters do you relate to most i hadn't even watched star wars by then i i still haven't seen most of them oh i'm not gonna admit that though everyone gets really annoyed when i say that by the way i've seen them all and i i love them all except for the ones you don't like i don't like those either yes they got hired i said bb-8 i think he's the little ball one okay now we're gonna work here for like three years and throw rocks in a rabid raccoon in my garden you're gonna go clubbing all right cocksure disco our little virtual kevin has found a lady friend at the library why would i be at the library when i can't read oh well i'm happy her croissant is really low oh my god we love going to cocksure disco i feel like clubbing i don't like it though you find some nitrous oxide in your desktop at work with a note saying you look like you could use this okay i could definitely use this i guess i tried nitrous oxide wait i oh i didn't tell you to like actually use it i just told you to take it all right this is the power where i leave my job resign again before i even start the channel i'm just resigning sign up for youtube new account alright kevin let's put that retail experience to work let's make a video about vlog yourself wow everyone hated that i just go back to gaming no people don't like that either okay now i'm in trouble why did i delete my old account all right we're gonna have to diversify if we're getting into the social medias i'm gonna sign up for all of them this is such a horrible idea i don't even like social media for the most part all right here's what we're gonna do i don't care about tick tock wait how do i have so many tick tock followers i kind of care about tick tock now i don't have much money do i i'm gonna invest all of my money buying followers i got suspended i didn't care about twitter anyway they just get angry about my fence sitting on politics oh by the way i love that politician that's been doing that work recently oh my god i posted a video mario kart and they just don't care you need to introduce turg dude dislike your subconscious introduce turk they're gonna love it his best kevin is just like introduced they're gonna love it what is it turg oh my god and no one wants to watch me like not even one person wants to watch me oh my god maybe this virtual kevin just isn't good at games like i am ignore the fact that cezira wins don't look at that do um do a challenge video instead or you know what there's got to be higher odds of the bitlife videos doing well damn narcissistic bitlife video game nine views wow that's a new record on the new channel oh my god this is so depressing how is he not depressed all right time for uh first trap photos there you go you post the phone on instagram yourself wearing sexy underwear while holding a gun i think i'd get arrested you you can't do that sort of stuff in ireland thou shalt not show chest what platform should i actually concentrate on here because youtube is not working someone called lucy 600 post a venomous reply to your instagram post one of me in weird underwear and holding a gun come meet me in person then i'll bring my gun they refuse to a job no i'm a social media wizard oh no this is getting sad now i'm up to my actual age and this shows what the odds were of me actually becoming somewhat successful on youtube very slim there's a lot of alternate reality kevin's out there that are just miserable some of them even wear glasses it's wild tick-tock by followers maybe be a bit more subtle this time instead of getting 5000 right off the bat give me 500. but still no one's watching it like they are bots at the end of the day maybe i need a some sort of a hook maybe if i look a bit weird that might help it yeah that's interesting i do that myself and we're going to diet like any good gamer youtuber would do there we go green that's what jack did and it worked for him and don't worry i'm not scared if he gets angry and confronts me because i got my antiseptic cream all right tick-tock time now i look cool do a dance it didn't work you and your step-sister laura i have a step-sister oh my god this is not working this is just oh my god they changed my username to stinky pinky you know i'm never gonna make it oh i know my girlfriend wants to break up with me because i have too much baggage i literally have no baggage i am an empty vessel i do nothing i just stand there flossing all day hoping people will follow me oh yes i begged her to stay and she stayed with me okay now break up with her oh that's my sister hold on break up yeah bye bye all right what jobs could i get there's got to be someone who wants a 30 year old person who's never worked oh a magician just like a papa or i could be a nun they also believe in magic i'll be a magician denied why all right none will you take me in do i have to go back to retail i really don't want to go back to retail which these harry potter characters do relate to most where am i getting a job why are they keep asking me stuff like this nothing about my work ethic or what i can bring to the company where you see yourself in five years just like you fancy yourself a bit of a dobby do you supervisor is asked to watch a movie under the stairs this [ __ ] do it dude you gotta try and work your way up here you've got a really late start you're 32 and it's basically your first real job oh god damn it i forgot i spent the last 10 years inside so i have zero personality she didn't enjoy my company at all i got on band and i still have all my fake followers fantastic reply to a celebrity compliment david beckham he's not replying bastard who would reply who has enough time on their hands billy ray cyrus he's got nothing going on surely he didn't reply damn i guess he has done a lot of covers of old town road i posted a picture of my nasty drink on twitter and it got zero likes i wonder why lucy 600 it's been years back off just leave me alone i'm saving money at least should i try and actually like move out all right here oh my gosh the prices of these places i could buy a trailer or tiny house for slightly more i'm gonna go with the trailer oh no i've got a fever go to the doctor the common cold oh great now i look like an idiot i mean that's because of the stylistic choices i've made in life but like i feel like an idiot too you give up on the solitaire you tried it a decade ago and it didn't work then it's not going to work now i have 666 followers and tick tock i feel like i'm cursed enough already trying to get some more followers i've managed to get two out of three posts i got two new followers they must be so low quality because he's just spitting them out oh my god lucy what is wrong with you people love pets get an exotic pest that'll be interesting yeah mufasa a black panther named fossa he's not happy and he's not healthy buy him anyway all right now i can make pet videos at least seven subs it's gotta bring in more people like i bought a black panther would surely bring in more than six people oh my god i made another solitaire video and i lost subscribers dude when will you get it through your thick green haired skull no one is interested in solitaire wait oh my god oh no i thought i gained 12 subs for something there but i reread it and he played solitaire again and lost 12 subs i'm going to the negative after this year i've actually lost more followers than i've gained every video i make a ton of people unsub what what no no i was losing all my subs i went all the way down to like 40 and then my youtube account was suspended but why i told them i'm confused and i don't know why it's suspended and it just continued to suspend me they didn't oh my god i'm devastated well guess it's a life of crime for me then i'm gonna burglar home a local politician but the one you hate him hate that guy i hate him i'm gonna burgle him because i hate him just like you do we have so much in common oh no oh no oh no oh good thing i'm a gamer for the last 30 years of my life and i i pac-man my way out of there 834 bucks life and crime is way more rewarding i'm gonna make a tick tock about my haul can i actually do that could i do a haul video no i can only do that on youtube but they banned me oh my god move faster got out of the cage and it has taken 53 minutes to get him back into the cage reward him for going back in to just be thankful he didn't maul yet i'll tell you one thing kevin you're not a youtuber but you're also not a tiger king oh my god i went viral i did a ludicrous skit video and posted on tick tock i got 1 100 followers oh my god oh i'm so overwhelmed i'm gonna do i'm gonna floss for that oh yes oh my god now no one likes me oh my god i peaked i peaked it was over so fast well back to crime it is then someone's gotta feed mufasa oh no oh no dude run dude run dude run yes we got away with it oh i got a lot of money too i could do with a car maybe i should steal a car first uh honda civic oh no the owner confronted me he charged me backhanded my nose and bit my chin kinky oh i'm getting money to promote something i hope they know how like 5 000 of those accounts are bought except the offer and a spiritual turk replied to my tweet saying i look sinister ask him to meet me in person i'd love to meet turgan person private nightmares of that lucy 600 is just obsessed with me it has been like two decades of trolling now what are you doing step sis maybe i should check in with you ask for money oh god damn it screw you anyway i don't want to talk to you not talk to you 37 years and there's no point starting now my dad gave me money at least i hope they're really rich because they should be dying pretty soon so that'll be nice oh i love interest she's 46 is that kind of my age i've lost track i'm gonna have uh a girlfriend to provide for now at this point i think she's gonna have to provide for me i'm really doubling down on this tick tock career idea and it's not working oh i tried to steal the dog okay at least i got out of there i ran at the dog trying to steal it i just saw an icon and i ran at it maybe try and steal a car again ford mustang oh no i got confronted again you crushed my fist at least they don't like turn me in or anything i guess they just feel bad for me oh my god she's breaking up oh my god this has been such a tough few decades it's been four decades of misery your black panther mufasa is lunging at you every time you're near his cage a reward he's gonna kill me i'm gonna troll someone back oh and now he's asked me to come meet him in person go meet him he snapped your throat all right that's it i'm getting away from these internet trolls i'm getting plastic surgery penis enlargement that should trick them all right i just spent all of my money on different types of surgeries so um my looks are great and now i'm gonna make it on tik tok oh my god they all hate me crime it is oh my god my youtube account got unbanned fantastic all my 39 subs must have been worried sick about me let's do a vlog i lost four subs all right well his work life has just been horrible maybe we can find him happiness at least on like a dating app or something let's try that all right he's dating someone oh my god she immediately wants to break up this is depressing honestly it's because i claim to see ghosts insult her if you don't believe in ghosts inheritance i mean god my dad dead no oh my stepfather also died and he left me nothing skip his funeral maybe i could make a vlog about his funeral oh my god he looks so creepy he looks like a walmart version of the joker the facelift well it has the clown one that'll do it your ex-girlfriend isabel wants to get back together with you she says she doesn't need a reasonably what filer's training order she wants to get back together again didn't we yeah you know what fine just take whatever you can get dude you're you're really struggling in this life no mufasa he's dead he died for complications associated with distemper me or him oh my god she wants to break up on the make up your mind right i'm 52 and my youtube career i'm beginning to believe isn't gonna work out you know what it's time to get revenge against all those who have slighted me especially you stepsist laura you look miserable i miss the headbot okay well that now that's just embarrassing now we have to murder her you know what i have money maybe i should hire a hitman it might be a bit safer wait what ex-husband oh ex's husband i was like i don't remember that i surely would have made a tick tock about it all right well you know what if they left me they shouldn't be happy either let's do it that seems a bit too cheap but let's go with it here's another cop oh my god i'm going to jail maybe if i spend all my money if going with kevin and associates this sounds like money laundering i'll get out of it yes i got out of it fantastic i had a talk with my co-worker and she attacked me why does everyone hate me i was probably non-stop talking about my successful tick-tock accountant i've been working on it for five decades now and it really shows i just have such a knowledge of the platform i don't understand i'm just generally confused all right kevin i i have a feeling at age 60 it might be time to admit that this youtube and tick tock thing isn't going anywhere maybe we should try and get some education to get a real job it's still not too late graduate from community college okay go to university engineering oh my god i just realized i didn't sign up for university i clicked on it but i didn't have enough money and then i just skipped the year and oh my god i'm wasting my life away now i'm worried about that forget about the years i spent flossing on tick-tock and it going nowhere all right let's get a quick job to hold me over for a year no one wants me for some reason people don't want a person who had a gap of 50 years in their resume i can afford university now i'm going into computer science i have a very good understanding of technology having used tick tock for the past 50 years gonna pay with cash leaving you with 600 thank god i don't have them a faucet to feed anymore lately i've been contemplating whether i would prefer my hypothetical mermaid wife to be a human on the top half of the bottom half of jesus christ dude you're an absolute disaster of a human look at you you still haven't even given up on the green computer programmer um you consider yourself to be a good listener yes i'm a great writer why do you want this job i can thrive in this position yes i got an even better job at binary foods one one zero one zero one there we go it all paid off 60 years of tick-tocking and i just earned 11 euros by promoting a new brand of sushi like i'm 75 i don't know whether it's just sad or i've crossed the line into like adorable old man at this point flossing on tick tock for the past 60 years oh it sounds like hell elton john began following you on twitter oh my god this is my moment how are you still even alive you were old when i was born and now you're still alive and i'm 79 years old all right kevin this is clearly going nowhere your job is a dead end your tick tock is failing your body is failing you're 81 years old we can go after liam again look for a hitman an undercover cop i don't have the money to get out of this this time oh 15 years oh i can't even get reception in here for tick-tocks i'm gonna cry cry baby wait what did it say about my tears there the prisoners what him to escape we can do this there we go we got out i'm on the run quick make a tick-tock about it this will make national news all right i'm gonna do the cinnamon challenge i mean while the cops are trying to find me i just escaped from prison i feel like what i did was a lot like it could put me down in the history books like i escaped from jail and started making tick tocks at least it'll be like remember the time that dude escaped from prison and kept doing the cinnamon challenge but i feel like i need to make a bigger statement so i'm gonna try and rob a bank with a minecraft helmet i'm a gamer and i'm getting away on rollerblades i was caught what a surprise 37 years well may as well have a little cry the leader of the local chapter of the wrinkly sneaks prison gang has approached you and asked you to join pure compliment ripe sean what kind of nickname is that why are you all attacking me for complimenting you that's it i'm trying to escape again i'm like 90. or wait what if i start a riot that could put me in the history books oh my god i'm playing snake what the hell is this i'd like you to think this is just a giant conga line of prisoners got ten yes get em get em boys riot you started a riot you've been beaten by the prison guards they squeezed your eyelid and bashed your chest fantastic can i escape now god damn it i got caught all right hey chop we'll try again next year no we won't cause i'm dead oh i didn't even get to make a tick tock about my escape oh i guess that just shows what the odds were of me actually turning out okay as a human and yes i qualify this is okay but i appreciate you watching we both do maybe next time we'll do some solitaire you know to keep it really interesting thank you very much for watching i appreciate you and i hope to see you tomorrow bye for now

Channel: Call Me Kevin

Views: 1,123,162

Rating: 4.9749665 out of 5

Keywords: bitlife, bitlife challenge, playing bitlife, bitlife life simulator, bitlife update, bitlife god mode, bitlife politics, bitlife game, bitlife gameplay, bitlife funny, bitlife funny moments, living my bitlife, bitlife life simulator gameplay, bitlife callmekevin

Id: TF1pm3D_9Mc

Length: 22min 43sec (1363 seconds)

Published: Sun Feb 07 2021