Best Of Top Gear - Series 2 (2003)

i wouldn't buy one i thought you liked it i do but i'm going to outline now a few problems okay we'll start with the boot there isn't one i mean there isn't one it's underneath no there's no point looking that's your lot it's basically a sort of baking tray above the engine really how it's okay if you've got a handful of roast potatoes to carry around with you but otherwise useless however look at this this is the smart roadster coupe same engine same roof arrangement same everything but if we open the back ah enough space for a hole sack full of king edwards well there you go then that's your car what's your problem no won't buy one of these either because i'll tell you why okay you can buy one of these left hand drive in britain you'd have to go to germany or luxembourg for it left and drive for less than 10 000 pounds it's not quite as powerful as the british ones and you don't get quite so many toys but why are we paying half as much again to have the steering wheel on our side the right side the proper side i mean i love the car i just don't like being ripped off by germans it's made in france it's made in france yeah vichy france anybody else hold on a minute vauxhall vx220 out come on the vauxhall vx220 is a fine car in every way out sorry about that but i've just driven the new vauxhall vx220 we've got it on the program in a couple of weeks it's brilliant in terms of acceleration you go from naught to 60 but only just [Applause] i tried timing it but after 11 seconds i got bored are there any men here who would think of buying this car precisely would you anybody though okay now this being a top gear audience you're all car enthusiasts and i even got wives or girlfriends so you brought your sisters with you what about the girls hands up all the girls who would like to have this car i was sort of that's why are there any girls who wouldn't you you put your hand up then it's not a difficult instruction it's the trouble brothers and sisters they're all related i was talking the other day to a guy from ford i don't know who he was wore a suit had biscuits in meetings anyway he said 80 of these are going to be sold to women so who's going to buy the other 20 new series of top gear we thought we'd try out a new presenter okay he's called james may and on the evidence of what we're about to see he is a blithering idiot [Music] one day probably in the dentist you'll find yourself leaping idly through the small ads in the back of a classic car magazine and you'll probably think to yourself huh all that money i spent on a ford mondeo could have been used to buy something really interesting like mark ii inspector moore style jag for example an old porsche 911 there are quite a few old porsche 911s in here look you could even have a bentley [Music] mind you you'd have to be a complete idiot to buy one of those this one's mine [Music] it's a t2 pretty much the cheapest bentley money can buy you can pick one of these up for seven or eight grand but don't because for that money it's going to be a complete bag of bowls this though is a gooden it costs 14 grand but it's got a full service history all the parts are genuine there's no rust no filler and no evidence of bodged repairs now 14 grands top dollar for one of these but that's still only the price of the most basic mondeo unlike the mondeo though the bentley shouldn't depreciate a mondeo is a disposable item but a bentley's it's a bentley so why do i like it then well i like this wood someone's taken a lot of care over that i like the view i like that strip of chrome down the bonnet and the weird wing b thing down at the end and i like the sort of darkness of it i mean the light switch is there fair enough but the key goes here and the windscreen wipers are here i'd expect the windscreen wipers to be here but this is actually the gear stick and hand brakes down here it's all wrong and i love that somewhere up front is a huge 6.75 liter v8 engine but when you put your foot down nothing happens you get a bit more noise and it might go a little bit faster but on the whole it's a complete waste of time you might as well just relax handling i've got furniture that handles better than this thing watch absolutely nothing so it's rubbish to drive i'm going slower than you and yes i look like a failed porn star but i am in my own bentley right then a bentley for mondeo money [Music] some of you are pretty tempted by this idea but hang on i haven't told you how it ruined my life yet i said this card doesn't depreciate but big deal who really cares about depreciation anyway it's just something that goes on all the time when you're in the pub or in bed it's not something that hurts you every day for that you need a bentley every time i go near this thing it kicks me in the head and runs off with my wallet it costs 80 quid to fill up and does 15 miles to the gallon if i drive like an undertaker i have to rent a king-sized garage to keep it in and it takes up two tokens at the jet wash okay servicing only costs about the same as it does for a midsize bmw but it has to go in three times as often which is why my mechanic buys his overalls from gucci while i sit at home eating gruel cheap thrills you want to try this it's bloody terrifying [Applause] is this her if you pull up to take her out in a ferrari enzo she'll say no do you mind if we go in my husband's renault laguna i am a driving god when do you take a dog for a walk you i am a dog walking god it was a big moment it's like being in a cartoon in that thing and yes you got carried away i got very carried away okay i'm not a driving guard all right it was a mistake to make that claim oh this was mercedes okay i was driving through east london this week and i got shot okay now the thing that was shot at last week well they didn't hit me but they hit the obviously the windscreen said i've been what what ak-47 okay now i'm sorry i know he's got to be he's got the i think that's a cool car that is so wrong no it isn't it's cool and if you want to do some of your bowser [Laughter] i like a reason debate now i think that's pretty much cut actually no i think i'm going to put this alpha up here [Music] [Applause] yeah yes thank you yes am i a pencil am i a cauliflower am i a nuclear power station i'm a gearbox oh heaven's gonna swap some cogs around it takes forever precisely well with dye hats so they once flew me first class before i was working for the bbc they flew me first class all the way to japan via hong kong and then back through maui and san francisco and i arrived in japan to drive their new shirat this was i don't know late 80s i did half a lap of the track and crashed it oh well guys oh don't worry we make one every 23 seconds this brilliant idea well we thought we'd see if jamie could do some cooking in his van while going round our track with the sting driving anyone want to see what happened mud left yes what we're going to make today is a beautiful salad of mozzarella fig rocket mint oh all those beautiful things i want to tear up my mozzarella i want to take the tips off of my figs oh my god and what i want to do is put a dress the salad [Music] basically if you toss this up and put that on there right hopefully it'll look nice [Music] that was horrible and i honestly felt really sick afterwards you can buy one of these things and tell people that you drive a mid-engined rear-wheel drive turbocharged convertible mercedes-benz mercedes own smart they may make them in france but this is a mercedes you see does anybody here understand the 911 range nope they're bored aren't they yeah they've been making the same car for 1213 years and all they think today as well call that one a gt3 and that one gt2 gt2 gt1 and 959 put the engine in the back god it must be fun going into a porsche dealership have a 911. you like ordering breakfast in america when i was a boy and other boys were lying away wondering how girls worked i was lying awake thinking about the triumph tr6 what's wrong with that instead it turned out to be awful let me show you what it was like to drive oh yes this is exactly what a z8 feels like to drive it's that same sense of what's gonna happen next happened when you drove this car well i crashed it tell the nice ladies and gentlemen about what happened well i was going around the corner and the next minute i went around lots and lots of corners very quickly span it several times actually this is why it's called the f360 this model just drive along when you go and then you do a 360. you know you could be right you could be right well this is interesting a brochure about the opening of a new car park queue park is not only changing the way people park but also the way they think about parking parking parking you don't it gets better parking provides a vital link in the mobility chain when it does you stop you can't go shopping an end in itself well you don't just go out to do some parking there darling have a nice day i've been invited to the opening of this car park in leeds yeah i have to say i'm very disappointed in it because when i joined top gear i thought here we go french film festival kristen no i've been invited to the opening of a car park and it says yes please i would like to come to the opening of the car park i will be arriving a by car b on foot well i think bicycle's absolutely wonderful you wouldn't park in a cycle lane would you park in one you wouldn't park in the sun but i do drive in them fairly regularly you drive inside and bus lanes i think the bus lane is a very good idea for you yeah because you think everyone's not in this fantastic i'm late are you allowed to say that on telly i just did whether or not you i i i defy i defy the makers of top gear to keep that admission in you know in the final edition well now when i think it's a bit of a challenge until sunday night we're not going to know whether it makes it into the final or not ages what did i drive in bus lanes who here drives in bus lanes one after two exactly there's only three of us who drive in bus lanes they're empty for are used to so what's happened in the science corner thank you jeremy now this is really quite simple okay understeer works like this you drive down the road you turn the wheel but the car goes straight on crashes into a tree and you die oversteer works like this you drive down the same bit of road turn the wheel but the back of the car comes around like this and you go off the road crash into a tree and you die now oversteer is best because you don't see the tree that kills you this is sharon okay she's all woman she is the 911 turbo now standing next to her is vicki now vicky on the surface appears to be exactly the same but this is a body kit vicky's been enhanced and so consequently is the c4s now moving along we find amanda amanda is the carrera four enough of a handful for most people your choice punch i can't drive across london what message am i giving out you can't have a convertible i'm sorry i'm going to have to stop that i hate to interrupt but this is quite honestly the biggest load of limp-wristed twaddle i've ever heard in all my five weeks in television these two these two are not men okay this one richard hammond every morning sticks his head in a bucket of hair product he's got a dog but it's a poodle and i don't know what you're laughing about clarkson because you won't drink brown beer and this is the man that says flatulence oh it's not funny when clearly it is isn't it but this week i think i've come across an ad which just trumps the lot are you ready to see it's for the new lexus rx 300. here it is there's the car and the advert for it is it changes everything that is a big place i don't want to go home tonight and find my front doors moved and that all my children are badgers and that i'm married to frank bruno yeah i don't want it to caravans get out of the way forever once in a while once every 300 miles pull over please get out of the way please stay in a hotel next time caravans are the bane of our lives right i've been looking at the guinness book of records it doesn't actually say that i have to use a car to tow the caravan uh so instead i've decided to rely on the most powerful engine in the universe gravity point nine a ten off just a tenth off is basically the same i'll tell you something though it's gonna take me longer than one minute twenty three to write it out it's kind exactly i've got that is there a one you carry on with that i tell you something else who'd like to see a shot of the stig's first attempt to get across the line okay play it here he comes up to gambon [Applause] oh the extraordinary how are you doing well i've run out of space for i've got about 12 g's on there and i can't know i've got an idea though hang on hopefully you've got 12 minutes i'll get it on there i reckon yeah yeah thing is though i have to say about the koenigsegg and this is that when i was doing the speed run there's a dip in the runway where presumably planes used to land and when you went through that normally 120 130 is fine but once you're going past 160 and just before i set off on the speed i missed it just before i did the speed run the guys from koenigsegg said i said would you mind off here we're going to put some gaffer tape round the window but really oh that's just before we get carried away though i've spotted a couple of drawbacks with this you're driving along you want to change radio channels you want to get something out of the glove box yeah i'm not sure unbelievably it's even worse on the road if i put my foot down now the fuel consumption meter thing here is saying i'm doing one mile to the gallon one why not what possible reason is that for you not being able to use your mobile i mean if you've got one hand okay and you're talking the phone are they saying that one-handed people can't drive really true that's not right i'm sorry that's just not fair on disabled people you know there's plenty of people who've got one army drive perfectly well and if they say well it's the talking but you talk to your passenger and you talk to kids in the back i just don't under this is just government not gonna have to put the roof up stop what happened i'm ready now it starts squalling my face but i could i can't drive that coat you would look spectacularly ridiculous i hope you do one day i'd love to see it i've got to try this out i'm going to see what this looks like i've got to see that it's not so much a car as a shoe oh look at that that's fantastic you know the really funny thing is is that if i did more than 500 miles in it i'd end up with hair like this guy look look at this yeah oh yeah okay now let's see the first one here on the screen what i find particularly interesting about this is the crook lock the hell does he think he's going to steal it and then if he has to report it to the police yes it's a it's a peugeot 205 xs yeah with that with flames growing early on the side of it or worse still if they find it and he hasn't tell them we found your car sir you won't believe what they've done to it yeah i did it myself um right i've got one here it's a citroen bx okay sensible car otherwise look at that i mean clearly what's happening he was on the ramp having it fixed and he just drove off and took the ramp with it and of course what's interesting about the bx is it's got suspension that goes up and down that is amazing okay now listen there was one that was sent in i just howled because plainly what the guy had done was magnetize his whole car and then drive through a branch of halfords should we see that yes there is one of the best what does he think he looks like but actually there was another okay look at this some bloke magnetized the interior of his car and then went through a scrap yard look at this one oh i think another hundred dials would be fine in that right spoilers it turns out and i think we kind of know this spoilers are a very rich vein here to explore when it comes to well spoiling your car thoroughly and here i think this is awesome okay it's on a porsche look at that now that that is a spoiler no it isn't no no no no no this is tiny this is a pathetic little thing i'll show you something look at this one yeah i mean this is america isn't it hey i've got a bigger one [Music] this moment now what a feeling i have a driving skull conservatives have decided that in order to win votes they've said that if they're elected they're going to up the motorway speed limit to 80 miles an hour hooray do away with the vast majority of speed cameras [Applause] a purge of speed bumps and best of all they will abolish the m4 bus line [Applause] this is great however the government the labour party not to be outdone have announced just this week that they if they're elected are going to widen every road in the land [Applause] it's at this rate honestly the lib dems will be on next week free ferraris for everybody you even have a lambo one of these i've wanted one of these for years you can write yeah you get on and i'm going to program a message in here right this is um this is an alarm which is nice it's got a little um formula one car and it's a mclaren i believe and uh it does this i just want you to imagine it's let's say a one night stand and and time for your alarm seven o'clock in the morning it's really but then still you can then you can then lean across and say ah if i press this accelerator [Applause] that's not a noise you want to have in your bedroom is it at seven o'clock in the morning is just leave it i don't believe this we've broken everything no no no this is a disaster it senses your message what it senses your message it doesn't really no look watch hammond is a if you write a swear word in it because you can't have that jeremy that was a piece of technology and the first thing you thought of to do with it was swear it's a sort of a car well no it's not a car because it does this [Music] what a sensation it's got a 660 660cc turbocharged engine that's good for 115 fun-filled miles an hour [Music] there is an art to getting in okay you are joking to do it in a crazy and sexy way [Applause] this is a country where homosexual marriage is legal he is my partner and also my lover look at that that's marvellous well that's enough drug addled idiocy from holland so we'll have insider dealing oh between jeremy's lives in a dutch three-wheeler shut up oh yeah this one i can see is very useful for storing sunglasses but these two here it's difficult to fathom what you might fit in them i mean nothing you normally keep in a car would fit road maps cds boxes of tissues and so on the only thing i have been able to find which does fit is a stick of celery which look at that perfect and that shows a level of thoughtfulness and attention to detail that we've simply not seen from any other car maker in every other car i've ever driven uh the celery just kind of rolls around getting in the way of the major controls which is poor and can be dangerous however the great thing about being a man is that i can improvise so what i've got here is a hoe and uh and another hoe and a sort of long extending arm thing and some string and some duct tape and a clamp and i think this is going to work right we attach the end to this prong of the steering wheel here made in germany so it's very strong now my scissors gone and then we need the hoe this one on the extending arm good i think i thought of everything here no wait a minute that's very good this is a work of genius i've got this to operate the gears this one does the clutch like so this is for the throttle and obviously that one does the brake as well and this is the piezo resistance really this is my steering look at that look at that so all i have to do now is test it and i shall give a pound to the donkey sanctuary for every mile i cover without okay crashing goes handbrake off and um clutch clutch in into first and uh out the way there we go well that's a problem if you want to go right you have to pull left all right a little bit of throttle and away she goes second nice it works it works top speed any ideas i'll tell you [Music] it turns out okay it turns out the only aspect of racing driving he's any good at is thinking up excuses just watch this he broke the car it wasn't me they forgot to tell me nice one thank you every time i braked the gearbox was coming away moving forwards and taking the gear level with it it did not wobble which it didn't do yesterday in the engine i'd have been you know i leave i was kind of blitzed probably a one-minute 45 was on the cards but it might be more of a right now you've got the perfect time he blamed just about everything there didn't he here he is yeah well it was tricky you know things go wrong it's exciting twenty-five yes [Music] [Applause] look it's a childish car and look what it's brought out he's not a man's sports car i mean look now you're just being childish i'm not going to get chronic no you're not annoying me i don't care okay right the news and we begin tonight with a well probably the best piece of news i've ever heard since i was born an event in fact don't which eclipses the very miracle of my birth hang on the best piece of news you've ever heard ever what is it they're going to stop making the beetle and that's it that's not the news that is fantastic they're still making it to the 30th of july and then it stops forever and why is that so why do you hate it so much do you really want me to do it well no just i can't do it okay it's a rubbish car that's incisor that's the first thing it's a rubbish car secondly it was a scandal okay that car was stolen from a check bloke called lead winker i think by hitler and his henchmen they put it into production they stole money off the german people to build it and to build a factory they never got a car instead they used the factory and slave russian labor from the eastern front to build one bomb so you can't blame the poor little herbie and i haven't finished yet in the factory russian slave labor built v1 flying bombs one of which landed where my house now stands that is the most convoluted reason there's more oh no does anybody own a beetle right are you happy driving around in a mass murderer's personal biff about you are you what i mean i don't understand it it's completely wrong it's gone and you're rejoicing i'm chuffed to bed see you in the autumn good night [Applause] [Music] on board a nucleus submarine fighting the war

Channel: incT

Views: 2,783,109

Rating: 4.8874941 out of 5

Keywords: top gear, the grand tour, best of, top moments, best moments, jeremy clarkson, james may, richard hammond, series 2, season 2, funny moments, cars, news, top gear news, top, gear, 2003, BBC, BBC2, BBC two, compilation

Id: yMLsu7m2TPo

Length: 31min 35sec (1895 seconds)

Published: Sun Feb 09 2020