Advice For Black People (from comedian K-von & Friends)

hey there it's me kayvon mowesi by far the most famous half persian comedian in the world that's right my father is a muslim immigrant from iran which is in the middle east near egypt which we all know is in africa so i'm going to go ahead and identify as black for this episode you could call me k vom mo easy and i'm gonna need to be black because it will be by far the most triggering episode we've ever made before we get into that a little bit about me and how i relate to the black community first of all i've had a black president for 30 of my adult life growing up my favorite basketball player was michael jordan favorite golfer tiger woods favorite boxer was mike tyson favorite baseball player was david justice favorite movie star was denzel washington favorite comedian was eddie murphy and my favorite dancer was michael jackson which you could say he lightened up over time but that's the whole point it doesn't matter if you're black or white i also love puffins in your penguins they're both true as you can see i've paid pretty close attention to the culture i've cheered for your athletes i've supported your musicians and i've paid good money to watch your artists movies now let's see if you can do the same outside of me who are your three favorite iranians didn't think so but have you noticed all the media wants to talk about lately is race for breakfast lunch and dinner this is taking up a lot of our bandwidth i always think about the kids in asia they're studying math and science and we're studying race race race race race race how's that going to play out in the next 40 years we're gonna lose the race needless to say it's a little overwhelming you know i was watching a black woman on tv who was saying what am i supposed to tell my children about racism maybe it was don lemon that's not the point either way the question got me thinking what should we tell people therefore i'm gonna give my advice for black people this should go well now i realize there's not a lot of people who are going to want to hear my advice because my skin doesn't look dark enough for them to hear it therefore i've compiled my favorite black friends all in one video i'll let them do the talking of exactly what i would have told you there now i'm safe just let this video play put in the comments which one of my black friends is your favorite and which comment you like the best so i can read it later it's now time for some advice enjoy do you think that race plays a part in wealthtrack distribution or either a mindset that you can't truly not yeah no you don't no i don't i know hey you and i we're proof why would race have anything to do with it stick you put your mind to what you want to do and go for that uh it's kind of like religion to me it's a good excuse for not getting there yeah you know i said it's probably getting me in trouble but i said to some of my colleagues recently saying so i know that it's an issue but i've been it seems like every single day on television i'm talking about race and it's because of the new cycle it's in the news but sometimes i get so tired of talking about it i want to i want to just go this is over can we move on and if you talk about it it exists right yeah it's not like it exists and we refuse to talk about it but making it a bigger issue than it needs to be i think most white people and black people are great people i really believe that in my heart but i think our system is set up for our politicians whether they're republicans or democrats are designed to make us not like each other so they can keep their grasp of money and power try to figure out how we fix this issue of racism in the country it is a spell that must be broken black history is american history how are we going to get rid of racism talking about it they divide and conquer i truly believe in my heart most white people and black people are awesome people but we're so stupid following our politicians whether they are republicans or democrats and let's be clear there is no vaccine for racism and their only job is hey let's make these people not like each other we don't live in their neighborhoods we're all got money let's make the whites and blacks not like like each other let's make rich people and poor people not like each other uh let's let's scramble the middle class i truly believe that in my heart it'd be very hard for example for a basketball owner no matter how racist he was to try to operate without blacks as you showed in the case of washington redskins yes yes because there they had they had a policy of trying to keep blacks off the team for a long time and it so happened that almost all the leading running backs of that era were black and of course as the washington redskins began to lose more and more games it wasn't very long before they decided they'd better get bobby mitchell from cleveland and put him in the lineup as they did i i promise you for the most part race relations have gotten better unchained wall street they're going to put you all back in chains stop taking away our self-confidence by telling us that we can't because of racism because of slavery i've never been a slave in this country stop telling us that we need to be obsessing over our past when we should be obsessing over our future and the potential that we have i want you to hear me and hear me go because i'm going to pause and i'm going to unload you with what i'm going i'm about to say but i want you to listen racism doesn't exist obviously i'm lying of course it does exist now for you see you don't have to go to the back of the bus you don't have you're not denied the opportunity to eat at restaurants or to enter night clubs or to patronize businesses you have the right to vote you're not being lynched you're not being hung you're not going through the trials and tribulations your ancestors recent and far beyond recent endured so you can sit here today you're older you know i'm not talking about you but youngsters nobody's trying to hit at you need to understand that white folks got problems too some of them can't pay their bills some of them are struggling some of them are being denied opportunities and you need to understand that because when people are going through their own problems they are not going to lament what your trials and tribulations are do you think that we can truly make change as things are right now as well starts in the home you know if the father's not in the home the boy will find the father in the streets yeah i saw it in my generation and every generation before me and everyone since it starts in the home you know if the streets raise you then the judge becomes your mother and you know and prison becomes your home i know for a fact that i had a father how to have somebody and i hate saying this because white people love hearing black people talk about this but had i had a father had had some of these opportunities i'd have been able to help my mother more america is not a racist country the people that continue to tell us that have a vested interest in racism in fact they're actively now importing nigerians to come do racist acts in this country allah jesse jesse smaller right this is mega country no this is your prison cell and i hope you rot in it jesse it is time for us to stop pretending that racism doesn't exist black history month you find ridiculous why you're going to relegate my history to a month oh come on what do you do with yours which month is white history month come on tell me well i'm jewish okay which month is jewish history month now there isn't one oh oh why not yeah do you want one no no no no i i don't either i don't want a black history month at the age of 12 years old i shot myself i was in the house police knocked on the door i was right there they knocked the door down everybody jumped over my body to go get the guns and drugs and whatever they could find it took one guy to stop right then and cuss everybody that hopped over me out like what the [ __ ] are y'all doing they say oh no no no we was going to see if it what the [ __ ] are y'all doing we called the ambulance a [ __ ] ambulance do you not see this kid on the floor with this hole in his chest say you you drive pick me up brought me to the hospital he didn't drop me off at the ambulance and say you take him he brought me to the hospital room and made two and stood there and waited till the doctor said he's gonna he's gonna make it he said don't worry my name's uncle bob he was white as snow the [ __ ] that hopped over me was blacker than me was he a cop yeah he was a copper my life was saved by a white man i don't know what racism is i know a good [ __ ] name uncle bob though black people now not all not all not all but most are brainwashed dumbed down and demoralized the uh black rage in the black community is palpable but it's mr rested because it starts in the home and not with white people at all but because no one has really told them this they have not heard it from a majority of people they now believe that the rage is toward white cops white people they think that america is a racist society we all know now that it's not and there's no such thing as racism there's no such thing as racism it's either right or wrong good or evil and most black people today are on the side of evil they call good evil and evil good so any black man or woman who stands up and tell the truth that is not white people but it's you they don't want to hear so they attack you personally and that's okay i understand that they're blind and cannot see so it doesn't bother me at all i still tell them the truth as a country we can't pretend that racism doesn't exist here cam newton says that he doesn't feel race plays a part in people's criticisms of him the reigning nfl mvp said i don't want this to be about race because it's not we're beyond that as a nation there are 3.6 million black children living below the poverty line there are four million hispanic children that live below the poverty line and yet democrats want us to put illegals first i say no thank you i say build the wall at a little wayne show when i come from under the stage and man it's not a it's not it's a it's the world out there it's not a certain part of certain kind of certain culture certain whatever people it's people and that's those that that that those people out there in that crowd they made quote-unquote and they make quote-unquote lil wayne and that's who i happen to be and i'm sorry if people can't understand but i don't understand why they don't understand it's because they don't come from the bottom of a stage and look at 20 to 30 000 people they don't get that opportunity and i'm blessed to have that opportunity so with that said i can only be honest about such a thing and i don't understand i've never witnessed racism there is a class of colored people who make a business of keeping the troubles the wrongs and the hardships of the negro race before the public some of these people do not want the negro to lose his grievances because they do not want to lose their jobs there is a certain class of race problem solvers who don't want the patient to get well that was said by booker t washington the proposition that america is institutionally racist requires two things create an environment for slavery or racism and they are needed for it to exist one is a social contract as in the south during slavery two codified law neither of those things exist in american culture today and in fact if they did exist as such then the uk would also be guilty of same to anyone who believes that america is institutionally racist i'll challenge you to do this go into communities and deal with problems by examining the roots of those problems the foundations the foundation of many problems starts with the individual and there are factors the issues around the legal system do you think we've made any headway and i think it's more important to make headway in our own house by the time the system comes into play the damage is done they're not locking up seven-year-olds yeah you know i i was in chicago a couple of three four weeks ago and we saw these little kids on bikes with masks on the side of the head like five or six of them and the driver said yeah they little yummies i said who said little yummies look up google a little yummy little yummy was 11 year old murderer wow and you look at his picture you'll see the head shot of him and he's like this and he got murdered at 11 by a 14 year old wow who's doing life now and a 16 year old that makes no sense you blame the system where was his father it starts in the house it starts in the home and yeah well my father got locked up well where was his father yeah you know like i i did talk about my three closest friends and they did you know 15 and 25 one did 28 this and that i was the only one of the three that had a father in my life even though my parents were together but i still had a father who was a gentle man and a good example and they didn't we can blame the system if we want but they didn't lock any of us up at seven yeah we were all doing enough to get locked up at 13 my parents sent me in another direction they didn't have anybody to help them and they kept doing what they was doing and the system got them i've chosen across different parts of the media world done the work so that i'm qualified to be in each one i never considered my color the issue i considered my qualifications the issue well david you know that that's a whole another long conversation about white privilege and things that you have the privilege of doing that people of color don't have the privilege of how do i have the privilege of white privilege david by virtue of being a white male you have white privilege with this whole long conversation i don't have time for that i hate to break it too but you should have been better prepped i'm black okay then i stand you went to white privilege this is the fall suit in this you went immediately with an assumption your people obviously or you didn't look you're talking to a black man who started out in rock radio in boston who crossed the paths into hip-hop rebuilding one of the greatest black stations in america and went on to work for fox news where i'm told apparently blacks aren't supposed to work but yet you come with this assumption and you go to white privilege so this troll writes me and says elder you keep saying there's no racism penalty flag ten thousand dollars to your favorite charity where you find where elders said there's no racism what elder says is that racism is no longer a major factor in american life anymore and can no longer hold somebody back who's determined you know who else would agree with me although it's always dicey to say dead people would agree with you martin luther king little more than 40 years before barack obama became president he was interviewed frankly i have seen certain changes in the united states over the last two years that surprised me i've seen levels of compliance with the civil rights bill and changes that have been uh most surprising so on the basis of this i think we may be able to get a negro president in less than 40 years i would think that this could come in 25 years or less note he didn't say when a black person becomes a ceo of a fortune 500 company he didn't say when a black person becomes president of an ivy league university he didn't say when a black person becomes coach of notre dame he didn't say when a black person becomes the head of the american medical association when the black person becomes the head of the american bar association when the black person becomes a governor of one of the original states of the confederacy all of which have happened he said the mountaintop the peak the summit is when a black person becomes president of the united states now that has not stopped people like eric holder the former a.g under obama who in my opinion is a more dangerous race card hustler than al sharpton from saying america is still be deviled by what he called pernicious racism he gave three examples let's go over them because none of them hold water example number one he said that black boys get suspended and expelled from schools longer sooner more often than do white boys and he's right what jackson didn't say is that irrespective of the race of the teacher irrespective of the race of the principal irrespective of the race of the school board black boys are disproportionately kicked out compared to white boys do you know why behavior reverend jackson sued the decatur school board which was all white for expelling some black boys who were fighting after a football game this fight broke out in the stands of the macarthur eisenhower football game in decatur as a result six students were expelled the result of the district's zero tolerance policy on violence but the school board's decision caught the attention of reverend jesse jackson of the rainbow push coalition in chicago the school board noted as i said that doesn't matter the race of the principal or the school board black boys are disproportionately kicked out compared to other races of a given school now why does anyone not want to talk about behavior is it or is it not true that black boys are far more likely than white boys to come from single parent households and forget about elder barack obama said a kid raised without a father is five times more likely to be poor and commit crime nine times more likely to drop out of school and 20 times more likely to end up in jail why are we talking about that there is a huge problem here and blaming teachers calling them racist does that get us anywhere now eric holder's second example of pernicious racism voter id laws attorney general eric holder is an outspoken critic against these and similar voter id laws apparently he doesn't think black people can get id a lot of the assumptions that people make about people having the necessary id is not accurate there are substantial number of people who live in cities who do not have driver's licenses there are people who have voted for 50 and 60 years who do not have the required identification that some of these new laws say they must have in order to vote in some instances as we saw in texas getting these the required identification materials is too difficult really you care ideas yes i have state id do you carry id yes i do do you know anybody who any black person doesn't carry id no everyone that i know has an id why would they think we don't have id that's a lie why would they say that do you have id yes because i had my id and my friends have their id so like we know what we need to carry around do you know any black adult who does not have id no i don't is it a weird thing to even say that yes it is some type of trick candy canvas i know right that's the only thing i brought with me those legit ideas i heard a lot also that uh black people can't figure out how to get to the dmv really is that that was that senior i know it's that one 25th year do you know where the id the dmv is running it's on 125th street in third avenue i believe you know how to get there yeah do you have a problem getting there if you have to get there no it's i know you sound like silly questions you know how to get the mv you know where it is yeah you can get there no problem no file it's checking okay and i also heard a lot that black people especially poor black people have no access to the internet can't figure out how to use the internet that's that's just stupid honestly everybody has access to the internet even a little kid could figure out how to work the incident the other thing we found is and i'm sorry to go on but this is really important to me the the other part portion is a lot of people don't know how to register not everybody in the community and the hispanic and the african-american community particularly in rural areas that are distant and or inner city districts know how to use know how to get online i had access to the internet for years you know how to use it properly exactly do it at work so of course i know how to use it my kids know how to use it they all have ipads ipods whatever your phone has data you can actually unlimited unlimited data i use my phone as a hot spot what does that save you for the people who have this perception of life they're pretty much ignorant that's why my thought process are i just think that's ignorant ignorant that's the very very ignorant very very ignorant does it sound racist for somebody to say that i think it is a little racist because you know you're putting people in a category and you have no idea what you're talking about maybe a little bit of racist in it but like i said i think it's more stupidity and ignorant judging somebody like but you're judging them because they black say that they all got it what people are they talking to what are who are these people talking to do you have a problem that if you go to vote and they say can you please see your id and make sure you are who say you are are love showing my id you have no problem with that nope would you have a problem if when you go to vote if they say quickly your site see your id to make sure you are who say you are you have an issue with that no and you know what else polls show black voters support voter id in some cases almost as much as white voters do if voter id laws are suppressing the black vote it ain't working in 2008 the year that barack obama ran for president as a percentage of eligible voters more blacks voted than did whites so the voter id laws if they're designed to suppress the black vote they ain't working the third example that eric holder gave is the fact that black criminals get a longer sentence for the same crime committed by a white criminal what he didn't tell you is that the u.s sentencing commission says that when a judge examines a criminal's record and looks at convictions that becomes part of the sentencing and it turns out that the average black criminal has a longer criminal record than the average white criminal that accounts for the discrepancy so all three of the examples are lame you see here's the problem when the demand for examples of racism exceeds the available examples of racism it becomes necessary to invent new examples of racism and often it's complete and total horse and the late great walter williams lays out exactly what one needs to do to escape poverty and it has nothing to do with one's race there are four steps that a person can date whether he's black or white that will guarantee that he will not live a life of poverty one is to graduate from high school two to take any kind of job three get married before you have children and four stay out of the criminal justice system any questions mr holder a man who is with a major law firm in washington d.c as a partner makes a boatload of money while bitching and moaning and whining about how you as a black man can't make a boatload of money because racism is holding you back didn't hold mr holder back but it held you back if you tell a big enough lie and keep repeating it people will eventually come to believe it the defendant here should be charged with perjury and fraud he's a facade mr race i studied your history there's no evidence that you actually existed before the 15th century joe biden is trying to clean up a gaffe and this is something that happened during an interview thursday with black and hispanic journalists what you all know but most people don't know unlike the african-american community with notable exceptions the latino community is an incredibly diverse community with incredibly different attitudes about different things insult to the black community and trying to limit the political fallout of the suggestion that the black community is monolithic do you believe that all white people have taken part in racial violence which is what you wrote i believe that society is built on the foundation it's not what i believe is the fact that society's built on the foundations of colonialism and slavery these are the sentences that you wrote i don't have the energy to talk about racial violence of white people yes all white people and these are my feelings i wouldn't no one would want you to sense yourself it's it's the specificity it's the accuracy i think this is the problem is that white people are thinking about how it makes them feel when when racism doesn't affect them it affects people of color the system is not put in place to affect white people and why people need to get over the fact that yes it's a really uncomfortable truth it's a really inconvenient truth get over that on comfort get over that discomfort it's not necessarily a matter of individual merit in the sense that if you're born into a culture and into a family where there are certain values and particularly if there are families that really insist upon those values where it's not a matter of doing your own thing then you will grow up with those values and you will have whatever the benefits happen to come along with those values i say 1619 is as important as 1776. yes our decision to buy that first group of 20 to 30 africans would influence almost everything that would follow after i think it is foundational it is as foundational to who we became as a country as our decision in 1776 to break off from the british recently some school districts have decided that they'll be teaching a unit on early american history based on the new york times 1619 project which illustrates how the founding of this country is inextricably tied to the institution of slavery one of the sad things is that we we talk in this country as if slavery was something unique to the united states or to blacks and whites uh and in point of fact slavery was one of the oldest institutions among human beings they go back as far as there is recorded history archaeological finds suggest that racist race that slavery rather existed before human beings could read and write so what race a racial difference between the slaves and the enslavers that is a relatively new phenomenon you didn't have in ancient times the ability to go to another continent and move millions of people across a different race across the ocean so you enslaved the people who were nearby the europeans enslaved slavs for centuries before they enslaved before they brought the first black african to the western hemisphere okay but so you're not suggesting you do not wish to say anything other than that slavery as practiced in the united states was it may have been recent but you'd argue you'd be willing to grant that it was particularly perverse and and and destructive because the race got mixed into it at that point right rey's got mixed into it from the united states more than anywhere else for a very simple reason the united states was founded as a declaration said of the independence said uh men are [ __ ] all men are created equal right if that's true then the only way you can justify slavery is to say that some men are less than men i see so the racism but in brazil where where brazil imported more slaves in the united states there was no such ideology brazil was not a democratic country the whole issue never arose i see but i didn't know any black people no i really didn't you didn't know any white people either and corn pop was a bad dude and he ran a bunch of bad boys so i learned about roaches i learned about kids jumping on my lap and i've loved kids jumping on my lap most people have not recognized the fact that if you go back into the 20s you find that married couple families were much more prevalent among blacks then than today most black kids grew up in homes with two parents under slavery itself and for generations thereafter and as late as the 1960s most black children grew up in two parent homes when you think about it i mean centuries of slavery and generations of jim crow did not destroy the black family but one one generation of the welfare state did he did a crime bill 1994. where you call them super predators african americans the super predators and they've never forgotten it and i'm letting people out of jail now that you have treated the african-american population community you have treated the black community about as bad as anybody in this country black americans a group often identified as beneficiaries of the welfare state in america made considerable economic progress in the 20th century fine of course but much if not most this is the thing with you the dependent clause is where the sting is but much if not most of this progress was prior to the massive expansion of the american welfare state close quote that is so counter i want to say counter-intuitive because we hear so much about african-american progress since civil rights and the the establishment of the welfare state that it really has become a kind of american intuition explain yourself dr seoul well as of 1940 87 percent of black households were in poverty over the next 20 years that declined to 47 percent this is all prior to the civil rights laws prior to the social welfare policies of the johnson administration over the next 20 years it fell an additional 18 points but that that was not that was just the same trend continuing at a reduced rate affirmative action was even worse poverty rate was something like 30 percent among black households before affirmative action and a decade after affirmative action it was 29 this is not the same as the 40 percent decline that occurred before there were any civil rights laws and before there was any social welfare state well well racism is is an attitude inside people's heads right discrimination is an overt act taking place outside in the real world okay now and so not only with blacks we find the same thing with jews in previous centuries that that part of the united states where there was the most racism against blacks namely the south right it's where black construction workers were much more common than they were in the north right on into the 20th century uh people most people aren't aware that in the south blacks were the construction workers i remember a professor at howard university saying that when he was a boy in the south his father pointed to some man on the street and said he was the first white construction worker in this town and so what was going on there the racism did not so whites could think of blacks as somehow or others separate but they'd still employ them oh yeah because the market made it profitable to do so yeah in fact in fact yes in fact a law had to be passed to stop this because uh in the in the 20s and particularly as the depression got underway black construction companies in the south using black non-union labor would come up to the north and under bid on government contracts taking them away and so this was this is this was very common to the point where they passed the davis bacon act which said that on government contracts you must pay the prevailing wage which meant which was translated almost invariably into the union ways so your point on the distinction between racism and discrimination is don't worry about racism it's inside people's heads you can't measure it there's a strongly subjective just forget about it concentrate only on discrimination and the best answer to discrimination is to let markets operate because then people will discover it will tend to militate against discrimination when people have skills to offer they'll be employed whatever this notion of racism in people's heads is don't worry about that is that right yeah what i'm saying essentially is that racism racists may prefer one race to another but they prefer themselves to everybody else so they'll they'll do what's profitable that's right that's right [Music] did you like that am i cancelled yet who knows put it in the comments if you like my videos i have 400 more on youtube.com kayvon comedy subscribe and if you want to support truth through laughter because i'm over here waking america up with the art of comedy then there's three ways you can help the easiest just share my videos or you can make a one-time donation on gofundme.com kvon comedy or venmo at kvon dash kbon or the final way to become a subscriber on patreon or locals now if you'll excuse me i'd like to go party like it's 19.99 aka kick it with my homies [Music]

Channel: KvonComedy

Views: 834,052

Rating: 4.892323 out of 5

Keywords: K-von, Kvon, comic, comedian, standup, funny, hilarious, Persian, iran, Iranian, middleastern, tanx, tanxgod, maz jobrani, Russell peters, Daniel tosh, jay leno, david letterman, comedy, moezzi, most famous half persian, last comic standing, conservative comedian, independent comedian, republican comedian, democrat comedian, trump comedian, immigrant family comedian, mock biden, corporate comedian, corporate comedy, clean comedian, patriotic comedian, dry bar comedy, netflix comedy

Id: 1znmW44U6ZY

Length: 34min 54sec (2094 seconds)

Published: Tue Apr 06 2021