4 Obnoxious Old People Behaviors (Explained By Science)

hello the youth it's me Jack an older person or as I like to think of it one of your many betters we have a lot of differences you and I and I'm sure that I and others like me must seem like aliens are like slower crankier versions of you maybe it'd be better for you if we just quietly fade it away into obscurity so that you don't even have to think of us while you're out there acting like you'll live forever would you like that well this isn't about what you like so just cram it and listen for a second you entitled little jabronis I'm here to address some of the more common old people related complaints I've heard made by you the future high-waisted pants are the outfit of choice for old folks and Joaquin Phoenix and that one movie where he has sex with a foam we hear you snickering by the way when we walk down the streets with our pants pulled roughly up to mid nipple you think we're doing it because we're not hip and we haven't updated our wardrobes to reflect modern times well in what will likely prove to be a theme here you're wrong we don't wear high waisted pants because that was the style when we were younger it's because our bodies change as time goes on remember when you were younger and went through terrifying puberty well your body's not done with you yet one day your skin and gut and other parts are gonna go rogue and make a lot of changes including but not limited to an increase in body fat up to 30% all around your abdomen and when that happens your options will be to wear clothes in a normal fashion which would highlight all of those embarrassing changes or to hike your pants up to the goddamn sky and say eat me nature my waist is wherever I say it is because I served in a war probably if you've ever been inside your grandparents house and or pants pocket you've probably come across some hard candy it's the kind of candy that you as a worthless youth who has never had to do literally anything meaningful with your bare hands would never spend your money on because it doesn't have layers of nougat or sour crystal or tights or whatever they help passes for candy in your world this is the candy of power dance and it serves as a pleasant reminder of the past when things were better most likely because you aren't here yet you probably look at our hard candy bowls and think we lack imagination but that's just because you don't know anything about science as you get older your sense of smell and taste start to fade away and the subtleties of different tastes tend to get lost completely as a result the only tastes old people can truly identify our sour salty bitter and sweet we don't have room in our mouths for your fancy umami flavors or anything with a hint of rosemary or half whisper of lavender just the basics nature has limited the amount of things I can actually taste so if I'm gonna have something sweet you can bet your ass I'm gonna have the sweetest and most long-lasting candy I can get my mighty bare hands on an old person sucking on a hard candy isn't an unimaginative codger who's given up on delicacies it's a person whose taste options are limited so he's gonna suck as much taste as he can I'm gonna squeeze every last ounce of taste able flavor out of this world do you hear me sugar you are not safe from me what you think we smell well we think you smell go [ __ ] okay fine the smell we can talk about it you hang around old people and you pick up on a smell and you assume that at a certain age old people just start to smell bad wrong this isn't a natural smell it's a result of hoarding the older you get the less you want to throw things away and let things go so you hold on to litter everything we hold on to everything and then these things start to accumulate smells as they age and it sort of rubs off on us Antiques newspapers old clothes photo albums we're saving them all you wouldn't know anything about this because all the garbage you hold on to is still new garbage even if you've been holding on to something your whole life that makes it what 18 25 years old oh please when you smell the collected scent of everything we've been hoarding for our entire lives you're smelling your way through history you're smelling wars you're smelling the depression the real and the great one because back in our day even the worst things were still great this is the biggest stereotype young people believed about old people you are young and happy and we're old and miserable because the world has left us behind wah wah wah wrong again you think we're mad because we don't like your attitude or your music which is undeniably garbage please we're mad because we're animals but not just animals the most not giving a [ __ ] ax stannum asan the planet you see as you get old your body starts to betray you and fall apart things say your memory your vision your hearing they all start to go it's like an attack and what are your options when you get attacked fight or flight well old timers we reach a certain age where flight just gets tossed right out the window as an option seniors seem cranky all the time because we are in full-blown fight mode 24/7 I will fight absolutely anything that decides to trespass on a metaphorical lawn of my life with everything I've got you're damned right I'm mad nature's trying to say our time is up bite my ass nature you coward I'm not done yet give me your best shot Turkey keep that in mind for muggins aren't being cranky as a way of saying oh the world was different now and it scares me they're saying to literally everyone all the time come at me bro my name is can Jack by the way hey thanks for watching this video and make sure you like and subscribe and if you want to watch an even angrier old man explain why the youth is wrong about everything be sure to check out dirty grandpa starring Hollywood icon Robert DeNiro and insolent Pretty Boy Zac Efron in theaters everywhere January 22nd click here to see the latest trailer Oh finally feel free to let me know what your favorite candy is in the comments and I'll feel even free or to ignore you because your tastes and everything is dog [ __ ]

Channel: Cracked

Views: 2,410,530

Rating: 4.8744974 out of 5

Keywords: Dirty Grandpa, Robert DeNiro, Zac Efron, Honest Ads, Old People, Elderly, Generations, Cracked, funny, spoof, humor, sketch, children, youth, candy, ok boomer

Id: 0P0fo3GLvsM

Length: 7min 5sec (425 seconds)

Published: Thu Jan 07 2016