Why Sauron Is Secretly The Good Guy In 'Lord Of The Rings' - After Hours

but what does it do it changes size whenever it wants and corrupts anyone who touches it no we're not talking about Michaels penis all night again no the one ring from Lord of the Rings obviously I was Miss Bingley Rena I actually was talking about I watched 20 hours of movie okay and I still don't get why people are lording over this ring yeah invisibility is great and all but this is a world where there are like wizards and lava monsters and Stephen Colbert invisibility power should be like a fancy iPhone case not like a central global conflict this is what we're gonna talk about tonight things that Katie still doesn't understand yet because I have a job like in my life I have a job to go to I can't live here now invisibility is corrupting by its very nature in the silmarillion they tie they tell you right off the bus your answer is that the one ring controls a bunch of other rings the black cloak horsey guys used to be nine human kings now they're magic rings enslave them to Sauron okay so that is why the ring is so evil he's bad for Kings then why does every power-hungry jerk want a piece of it ring is evil because it's got a hunk of Sauron soul in issue should try maybe it isn't that saurons evil maybe the ring is he did we just find the thing no we're gonna talk about tonight no no no that's a false premise not only to Sauron have a volcano layer and a dehumanizing faceless helmet he also betrays the mire to join Melkor later called Morgoth he's every single bad guy trope wrapped up in one he's Blofeld plus a strong trooper plus Judas betrayed who to the what now he's dipping into the similar iliyan he does this sometimes I'm sorry Lord of the Rings is very important in my family that cat judges overruled think about it we don't see Sauron be evil we're just told he's evil by his enemy Sauron needs only this to cover all the lands of a second dumpling at the beginning of the whole trilogy the good guys are winning and hard that's why Lord spikey had asked to come out and do battle in the first place he's his team's last hope and think about who gives that opening narration some crazy old forest hermit they are not the most reliable sources of oral history I learned that the hard way and spiky hats on metal pants does seem to be leading a ragtag group of lovable misfits looks like meats back on the menu boy yeah well the human armor looks like it's individually tailored like somebody's dad on the armour store the camp trust fund Saren is an underdog who's bringing together and impoverished people to fight for freedom against oppressive foreign forces so was Hitler too soon Oh seventy years ago too soon for an argument you don't bring out Hitler this early you save Hitler till the third act break okay well the point I was quite aptly making is that just because you're the underdog doesn't automatically make you good we're still talking about cave monsters sacking an otherwise bustling and peaceful metropolis oh you're talking about pokeo penis towers burns gun door you know it's gun seems to me that the works just want to slice some Middle Earth pie I mean every shot in that movie looks like it should say paid for by the Tourism Board of New Zealand somewhere except for Mordor round emic shield five man calls Mordor barren wasteland riddled with fire ash dust can you blame any sentient creature for not wanting to live there I don't want to live there Michael probably the only one who wants to live there they have excellent school and I think it looks like that because the orcs treat their surroundings badly it's like a proto Captain Planet thing where the environment reflects the penis of your soul inside oh what a convenient worldview anyone who lives somewhere terrible must deserve it right admit it the orcs or subjugated class the lowest race they're never gonna get a chance at the middle-earth dream are you really gonna play the fictional fantasy race card I'll calls and likes that season but to be honest race isn't the biggest problem in middle-earth its immortality immortality prevents progress oh yeah I want you to do me a favor and conceive of a world where Thomas Jefferson is still alive okay oh my god she's right Thomas Jefferson was great but he also thought that a woman's responsibility was to make sure her sexy body odor didn't distract men from their jobs in the slave and the slaves obviously the slaves imagined TJ still in power and alive and with an ancient grudge against England do you think America would have helped out in World War two TJ was president probably not I met next stop Hitler Ville you just said now is the appropriate time the point is he was forward-thinking and awesome in the 18th century but he is a racist cartoon villain by today's standards that's what the elves are in the Lord of the Rings a bunch of immortals just with these entrenched views running around having slaves and waging Wars and using outdated slang and then sailing off into heaven and Millie's movies are weird in a way more doors actually the most equitable country in middle-earth the elves all live in these secluded forest kingdoms humans are wary of other races and barely get along themselves but the orcs when the orcs march into battle they do it is a big multi-ethnic team any Legolas and Gimli take three full movies to become friends look the orcs and the men from the east jail right away without even having to engage in a extreme sports style murder competition you know I bet in Mordor they have gay rights and universal health care - what would Sauron care he's just the I heard or is a rich multicultural stew with a large base of working poor no wonder the elves and Sauron hated so much Oh hating orcs is not a one-to-one parallel to real-world racism The Silmarillion also tells us that orcs are essentially just elvish POWs captured by melkor later called Morgoth and then tortured and deformed into insanity why would you root for actual ravers these are real world monsters not some elvish minority wow that is not something I new and it's way worse that's like if America took her returning veterans with mental problems and just shove them out to the outskirts of society alone to be forgotten I made myself said losing ground Sauron pull together Manthey elves hate the orcs for being torture victims with PTSD than their cultures way more Nazi asked then we thought no wrong does pretty peeved that his daughter might enter into a mixed-race marriage got to keep that pure Aryan immortality blood in the family right now we haven't even touched on the war crimes yet just imagine the orc says real people with thoughts and feelings and the whole thing just becomes this homage to sociopathic cruelty on the battlefield why did you do that he paused to set him free i freed his wretched head from his miserable shoulders and that is the problem with every fantasy universe they were wounded all the way back to the Middle Ages and their worldview ends up going with it Game of Thrones rode out pretty much every non-white character and then Harry Potter lavender Brown goes from being black to white in the movie where she finally shags Ron but Lord of the Rings is the or example the seminal modern story that drags us into this fictional white supremacy we have nothing's is Sauron makes good points yeah this one really got to me I might have ruined Lord of the Rings forever anyone who likes Lord of the Rings is racist now maybe it's escapist because it allows us to escape from having to have empathy for people that are different than us us being white people anyway so yes literally the four of us hey if your parents are actually huge Tolkien nerds though are you really named after Sauron why would they give you the evil name I got a lot of siblings probably just ran out of characters oh my god is there a radagast Bowie walking the earth somewhere man you guys have been so cool in high school Oh gore Vidal Billy please take me to prom Glorfindel past actually my sunny huge deal she a huge [ __ ] the whole family hated her she went to in and out of prison for a while it's her own fault fell in from a train drunk would be miss jackson worldwide today okay oh my god she's

Channel: Cracked

Views: 2,391,802

Keywords: cracked, cracked.com, funny, spoof, humor, sketch, parody, mothers, fathers, babies, children, After Hours, Lord of the Rings, Sauron, Orcs, Goblins, Elfs, Elrond, JRR Tolkien, Return of the king, The Two Towers, the fellowship of the ring, wizards, the one ring

Id: 0kmUgRXzn_o

Length: 8min 33sec (513 seconds)

Published: Mon Jan 11 2016