when the High School Football Coach has to teach Sex Ed

some damn settled settle down as you know my name is coach creed miller okay i've been teaching here for seven years that's three championships would have been four but i don't want to talk about it all right talk to our offensive line miss elkinson is taking the day off for hormone activities i'm not going to get into detail on what that is because you know i respect her privacy and also i'm trying to hold down an ampn burrito all right so i'll be stepping in for the day rule number one of my classroom do not ask what is in my can this is a diet coke and a diet coke only it's likely a controlled substance jackson dyches hope you shut the hell up all right today's lesson the sex does anybody know what the sex is um sex is actually a physical act in which two different people uh get together and choose each other as a reproductive partner wrong see sex is walking into a home depot at 7 00 am not asking for help sex is having a fantasy football team so good you contemplate leaving your wife and children riding a john deere in a backyard with no fences and no limits getting an onion ring with your french fries and you didn't ask for onion rings putting on a fresh pair of new balances and it ain't even your birthday sex is cracking up in a fresh slim jim parallel park in a ford f-350 and not using your back-up camera sex is doing a key bump of bath salts smelling salt driving by the 7-eleven on cornell avenue and realizing they changed it to a jimmy john's sex as well don't ask my wife because we don't do that anymore that's just a fairy tale for her unless it's my birthday or thanksgiving eve in that case we're stuffing multiple turkeys that night the smell of fireball from your upper lip while looking out at the friday night life sex is putting on your varsity letterman after three years and it still fits like a club sorry kids i'm a little buzzed here sex is fourth of july firework in your backyard and your golden retriever is barking not at the fireworks but at america taking the perfect [ __ ] sorry crap and you don't even have to wipe shout out to my fiber here in margaritaville for the first time while you're eating cheeseburgers in paradise sir actually i think those are just analogies for things that you have preference towards allergies no i don't have any allergies why is my lips swollen i got stung by a bee that's why i have a specific bump right there and sometimes i have to spit into a can that is definitely a diet coke i did notice some acute perioral inflammation in your lip area good sure is interesting you couldn't hold on to a water bottle you also couldn't hold your ground as an offensive lineman here we go six let's talk about it what's the number one thing you need when doing the dirty huh oh i don't know let's start with protection you sure do know a lot about protection you want to give a little synapsis on a condom i'll do it for you let's say hypothetically your egg in the center was called quarterback nothing too specific qb kind of looks like what an egg all right this is protection call it your offensive line it's a condom call it offensive live just for hypotheticals all right semen is trying to get through your protection right now let's say your offensive line condom up front is ready to protect and then it breaks through and sacks your division two quarterback who's been getting looked at by three christian schools it was going to take us to a goddamn national championship just one play what was that it was one play hey class does anybody want to solve this riddle huh how many sperms does it take to impregnate my quarter egg not you [ __ ] just one sperm to impregnate my quarterback egg and you let him through god damn it you put me in with a torn acl and i'm 15. but you're not worried about my torn heart or a torn record you see this that's the 2011 championship ring you'll never ever it's one play okay you want to see one play you want to see one play i'll show you one play let's go one play that [ __ ] 4c rules sorry coach now that is sex see you on the field okay coach being proud class of smith classes still diet coke if he's incompetent let me explain to you guys how sex actually i don't know if you don't care try to stop i'm leaving do you want to say that yeah did you post it on wall street [Music] you

Channel: Trevor Wallace

Views: 2,731,453

Rating: 4.9739623 out of 5

Keywords: trevor wallace, trevor walace, travis wallace, white claw, kyle, monster, bang energy, trevor wallace cherdleys

Id: peIsHF4YcPI

Length: 5min 26sec (326 seconds)

Published: Wed Sep 09 2020