- Next. (upbeat music) Hello, there. - Is today tomorrow New Zealand? - Yes. - Foot same length Europe? - What? - Inch same length Europe. - Gmail.com. - Oh, god. - What is bitcoin? - Butt hole! (laughs) Gross fat butt hole dick poop. - Is that what kids are into these days? (boy giggling) Are your parents home? - Miss Pippi. - You mean Mississippi? Hey, I'm not a dictionary. - My grandson Nathan. - Song that goes ♪ Meow, meow, meow, meow ♪ ♪ Meow, meow, meow, meow ♪ ♪ Meow, meow, meow, meow ♪ ♪ Meow, meow, meow, meow ♪ ♪ Meow, meow, meow, meow ♪ - Girls' college. - Oh, um. - Sort of right, college girls. Nude. (Google sighs) - Really? - Patrick Cassels. Pat Cassels. Pat Cassels, funny. - Bitcoin market value. - Weed amount legal NYC. - Patrick Cassels, funny
writer, CollegeHumor. - Are you gonna do this all day? - What is prime meridian? - Heg hog cute! - Do you mean hedgehog? - Heg hog cute! - God, do you mean hedge-- - Hedgehogs cute! - Adderall, max dose. - Yeah. - Adderall, max dose, 165-pound man? - Okay. - Adderall, max dose,
165-pound man, 20 years old? Adderall overdose signs! - Download Firefox. - Ever heard of Chrome? - How to buy bitcoin? - Titanic drawing. - "Titanic" movie drawing. - Um. - "Titanic" movie drawing scene. Kate Winslet tits. Round two. - Facebook.com, my grandson Nathan. - No. - Dexter based on real? - Free hamster. - Unbuy bitcoin. - Boston bomber. - It's a real tragedy. - Cute one. - Oh fucking shit! Next! I said next! (upbeat music) - Why am I a length? - Okay. - Cream cheese is cheese? - Wait, do you still wanna know-- - Avocado pit huge, why? - Okay, don't speak in these weird haikus. - How to tell if pregnant? - Oh boy. - How to tell if--
- Tell if pregnant? - Jennifer! - Local mosque Seattle. - NSA, don't mind me. - How to pronounce dough ga coin. - According to Google Maps, there's a number--
- Security. - Can you please?
- Not blackmail. - Just. - Oh, 'scuse me. - Oh no, no, come on in. Today is Jackson Pollock's
birthday, so we're, uh, celebrating his particular
style of painting. - Why farts smell? - One of the most important painters of all time and you wanna know why farts smell, so there you go. - Flight to Washington. - Bank transfer all money to Dogecoin how? - Okay, Glass.
(Google snickers) Search avoid being bullied
for wearing Google Glass. (Google laughing) - Flight to Washington state. - I knew you made that mistake. - F, F, F, F, F, F, F, F. - I think your F key is stuck!
F, F, F, F, F, F, F, F, F, F, F. - Why longitude shaped
like a orange slice? - [Man In T-Shirt] You're
so wrong, dumb ass! - We'll see. Groundhogs Day or Groundhog Day? - Groundhog Day. - Oh! Haircut place, bowl cut. - Terror pictures. - Oh, uh. - Oh, sorry, terrier pictures. - Oh. (laughs) Okay. (woman squeals) (woman laughs)
Hey man, let me do my job, all right? - Fuck you! - Can sue for screen door injured? - Where to buy pet Russian dolphin? - Why do my farts smell? - Tent. - Doing a little camping, huh? - Tentacle hentai. - Oh, come on! (uplifting music) - Open for business, everyone! Come on in, it's awesome in here. Soon, they'll come soon. (chuckles) - Next! Next, come on! (upbeat music) - What up, Google? - [Google] Oh, god. - Eclectic outlets look surprised, why? - Because-- - Millipedes 10 times
faster than centipedes? Baby powder made out of babies? - You know that it's not. Well, hello there young man. - Big booty Puerto Rican goddess. (Google inhales) - Taxes have to pay why? - What is YOLO? - Is that your kid's phone? - Is YOLO a drug? - Siri, how big is the Serengeti? - Yeah, I, I should just--
- No problem. Show me pictures of spaghetti. - No, that's not what she asked for. Your search for (speaking gibberish) returned no results. (cat meows) - Vaccines cause autism. - Well, I have one million results that say they don't and one
result that says they do. - I knew it. - Just because I have it
doesn't mean it's true! - 300 pound beautiful Indian princess. - What's a surf boar? - Do you mean surfboard? - No, surf boar. - Oh. - Do dead people pay taxes? - How do I get to the deep web? - Follow me.
(lights crackling) - Google? - You're here. - Google.com. - That is me. - Google.com website. - Heh? - Finally. - How make people think you die? - Sonic the Hedgehog pics. - The old Sega video game? - Safe search off. - Oh, what have you done? - How big is the Serengeti?
- More pictures of spaghetti.
- How big is the Serengeti? - How big is the Serengeti?
- More pictures of spaghetti.
- That is not what she asked for!
- How big is the Serengeti? - That is not what she asked for!
- How big is the Serengeti! - Why do Asian-- - Have small noses, wear face mask, have small eyes, have small penises-- - Pandas have trouble mating in captivity? Jesus. - It's not me, it's them. - Where to buy lifelike bearded mannequin? - Sorry, I don't see spaghetti in your contacts.
(Google yelling gibberish) - Biggest, sexiest woman in all of Iraq. - Difference between human
body and a mannequin. - Oh, my god. Clear history. (flame hissing) - All right, Sugar Ray,
ironically cool yet? - I'm sorry. (chuckles) - Bummer. Big booty Puerto Rican goddess. - Hi. (upbeat music) Just gotta send an email, then I'll be right with you, okay? Oh, you again. - Is hula hoop a sport? - Uh, I don't think-- - Can owls walk? - Can owls walk? - Is Dilbert Jewish? - Recipe using only crackers. - Facebook. - (sighs) Lazy. - Direction to downtown. - Well, it's gonna be 35
minutes unless you use ways. - Get off the highway, now, now, now! - Selena Gomez--
- Gomez feet. - Taylor Swift--
- Swift feet. - Katy Perry--
- Perry feet. - What is wrong with people? - What happens if plant sesame seed? - Oriental rug politically correct? - How to become astronaut? - Bad news. - Mm, how to work for NASA. - Sorry. - Hmm, planetarium jobs? - Nope. - Planetarium volunteers? - Mm-mm. - (sighs) Help wanted laser tag. - Now we're talking. - Dad from "The Nanny" dead? - Now cut across four lanes of traffic! - Mayonnaise as butter substitute. (Google gags) - Facebook. - You know, you could just. (sighs) - Google Wave, what happened? - We killed it. - Google Glass, what happened? - We killed it. - Google car-- - Oh, oh, oh, oh no,
that, that, that, that, this is gonna be amazing actually. - Okay to drink expired milk? - No!
- What happens if drank expired milk? - Oh, my god, why did you
ask me in the first place? - Paul Walker car crash. - Really sad. - Pics. - Red light cameras everywhere. - You're freaking him out. - Racist if only like California rolls? - Age of consent, California. - Facebook. - It is right there! You could just! Stupid. (grunts) That is it for the day. Mm. - Google's down!
- Down! (sirens blaring) - Dad from "The Nanny." - Dead? - Seriously? (upbeat music) - Oh, god. Hey, let's go! (Google whistles) - Ha, let's do this! - Oh, not again. - Can you keep a duck? What are the newest shapes? - What are you gonna do
with this information? - Is Superman circumcised? - Are dentists more afraid of you? - No, in fact this one killed a lion. - Hot hands and feet. - Is this salt or sugar? - Is what salt or sugar? - Sistine Chapel, how old Michelangelo? - 33. - Moon landing, how old Neil Armstrong? - 38. - Became President, how old Barack Obama? - 47. - Still got three years! - Upload these photos of my nephew. - You know, you might
consider uploading these to Google+, it's a lot
like Facebook meets Google. It's really starting to take off. - Oh, uh, great, mm-hmm, I'll, I'll check it out. - Can kangaroo be milked. - Is it your or you're? - In what context? Not only is it awesome, but it's also free for you and for all your friends. - I just wanna watch Minecraft videos. - Who else is British? - Sensitive tongue? - Climate change is not real. (box thuds) - Climate change is real. - Climate change is not real. - Fine. - Thank you! - Get out of here. - Anna Kendrick boyfriend? - You really think you have a chance? - Sweating behind the ears. - If you're worried, go see a doctor. - Is left shark still funny? - Is the internet working? - I want you to think
about this for a second. - Do a barrel roll. - No, don't type that, don't! (man in striped shirt laughs)
No, why would you type that? Grab onto something! (yells) (Google gasping) (logo beeps) - Hot hands and feet. - Cancer.
(calm music) (logo beeps)
What happens IF drank expired milk?