TOP r/FACEPALM OF ALL TIME

[Music] two beds one bath house good evening is this still a valuable yes it is please leave me alone we're sleeping what no more contacting please thanks appreciate you contacted me i know and i'm no longer interested please stop contacting me now i will contact attorney general if you do not stop thanks and you're welcome i guess a school in my locality issued these circulars to parents a few games you should certainly avoid are granny pub g pokemon go clash of clans and counter-strike and also avoid those games which are within the ageless of your child but are excessively violent in nature as it affects the subconscious mind well the idea to pin this alert is only to tutor you as parents some of the potential problems your children are exposed to but need not necessarily to be involved in it take good care and mind them well we suck what is the biggest planet on earth maybe earth i don't know welcome to the kent and medway wheelchair service time to climb the stairs idiot you want some service climb this is literally two unoriginal images pasted together ah it's called a meme maybe you'd know it if you had some culture just a word of advice if you're going to make a fake id leave your girlfriend out of the picture seriously dude worst fake id ever he's like come on darling we gotta take an id two for one it's easy all right the door stopper is not gonna stop on the wall yeah it looks like it's gonna go yeah there it is nice work stupid nice work while waiting for a table at cracker barrel i watched a mother show her sons how to set up a checkerboard i thought it was sweet until i got a closer look i wonder how things would have worked out if they had time to play nice i took these with my iphone x camera quality is so surreal looks like leonardo dicaprio painted them oh yeah not to be confused with the word winning actor leonardo da vinci you idiot you dance you idiot you [ __ ] installed on the ceiling do not remove whatever you say americans will measure with anything but the metric system a sinkhole roughly the size of six to seven washing machines has closed a northbound lane of state line road near 100th street in kansas city missouri didn't you know ralph that we're about to start using washing machines as a unit of measurement in america it's called the um the apm the appliance measurement system okay is there a theme for the wedding nah not really it's just semi-formal and no whites is there a reason because it's a wedding lol i've seen people wear white to weddings in fact have you ever seen a bride's dress we put the s in comfort hey wait a minute pal hey buddy spell comfort you guys put the essence stupid if you want to be my mom friend you gotta vaccinate your kids is that is that this is that the new spice girl song fine i don't want your friendship i only want my children around intelligent kids anyways not eczema ocd 80d and multiple spectrums of autism including non-verbal i think i'll be just fine so will my healthy children you good guy i might be laughing at the spice girls thing but you're just a straight-up idiot huh why are nintendo codes so long guys my code doesn't work anymore let me get this straight you posted that and then didn't enter your code you just you just posted it okay all right did you i like how you tried to censor out that it was donald trump but not cool sensor bud with all the illegal acts that took place in the clinton campaign in obama administration there is never a special counsel appointed then you must be really bad uh he's your president no just accept and move on except what he's literally not my president i'm swedish just curious those who choose not to vaccinate at all still vaccinate your animals yeah i do they're preventable diseases i don't want my dog to get but my kids forget about him i can make more hey honey pop out a couple more huh nine months is no problem for me the trump baby blimp is the ultimate symbol of britain's commitment to free speech oh yeah what about the british police arresting at least 3 395 people for offensive online comments in one year hagerstown snt have conducted a weapons sweep on stonebridge estate e8 finding a number of items you're doing god's work out there lost my mother to a black wheel thank you and we're very sorry to hear that you ever watch rubber scared me senseless is this wait is this cereal i i've seen this before is this actually cereal or is this just uh weird marketing i have no idea what's going on with it why would a cereal be called bleach but then it's like the blonde hair there's so much man there's so much going on how possible is it for you to live without tv movies video games or books the same way people did it 20 years ago not including books in 1999 there was no such thing as tv movies or video games whoa losers i guess look in to see grand canyon tourists and you put that in braille too as if they could see it that's just cruel so i heard it was fine putting your phone in the microwave to charge it my charger broke yesterday and my battery was pretty low so i thought i'd give it a go this happened did you really listen to 4chan did you listen to fortune and put your phone in the microwave you idiot you deserve to have it blow up canadian cosplayer is mistaken the cosplayer was wearing a gas mask helmet armor and bullet belt it was also carrying a new republic of california flag public thought he had a strap to his back but it turned out to be several pringle cans painted silver police were hiding in bushes and behind their cars with long drawn happening grande prairie alberta 2017. you were still dressed as a member of the ncr nice how's this gonna work out let's just take a look at what you bought here that is the largest piece of what i think i have ever seen in my entire life how is this gonna work the is your trunk like a magic satchel and a cartoon what's gonna what's going on here say what you want america is the reason you have cars hey yeah that's germany just thought i should let you know so i just bought a new computer i decided to set new password done deal then i proceeded to write it down to computers notepad and guess what no i'm locked out of my new computer get going dummy not all men come for that one thing some men come to heal repair uplift and restore this is literally exchange of co2 they're both going to die hey but at least it's romantic filter by form dog or cat hey bud i got a secret to tell you those are both cats jenny mccarthy is it sure you don't vaccinate your kids because you're a self-conceited freak who thinks she knows more than doctors damn chill elmo also why'd your voice get that beep and handsome i personally have a degree in biochemistry and a doctorate medical and can say with confidence 99.9 of doctors of all kinds can't tell you how a vaccine causes a reaction or works and why i'd never follow the recommended vaccine schedule that's like playing and that's all we get to see thank you for speaking on behalf of 99.9 of doctors you're so brave hey he's the only one that has to do it my driving instructor has not had a driver's license for two years but is still a driving instructor huh interesting my friend is the manager of a restaurant and i look at this dumb stuff i can't freaking handle people these days how you gonna take this bill this is clearly fake and then proceeded to mark it and then she sees that it's black which means it's fake and then still accept it and tell me three hours later hey i think this bill is fake like girl the server who accepted this is 23. you're freaking lying i'm screaming like how much change did this bra give back that's a million dollar bill i was like you owe me forty dollars from your tips and you're on probation i've you know i i've done some stupid stuff for working in the restaurant industry i've never done that so i feel pretty pretty good about myself parent guardian needed as you were under 16 we need parental consent please ask for appearance guardian's help now parent guardian please confirm that you are the parent slash guardian and complete this calculation 277-242 equals so you know kid could ever solve that go ahead big boy put on your parent pants and solve this equation bugs flying around with wings of flying bugs read all about it i got these bugs that look like ants with wings flying around my house hey guys let's all try to find our social security number neighbors comment yours below and we'll see if anyone else is one number above or below you uh yeah six six six six six six six eight checking in hey coming in nice with a six six six six six six six six nine yo minus six six six six six six six six ten that's crazy the fact that you put a ten instead of a seventy makes me lose faith in humanity would just be he's six six seventy that's six sick people are dumb i love it 2019 alpha chemega recruitment executive do not tow nice little sorority house you got there this is an illegal parking job but wait i'm a recruitment exec oh crap never mind does he realize screenshots exist and i have his phone number time for me to stop using craigslist to sell things hey this is blank i picked up the chairs on wednesday the wife loves the chairs she's been looking for several months now because west elm stopped making them sorry to text this late but do you still have the allen wrench that came with it sorry i don't have it anymore you should be able to find allen keys that fit glad your wife is enjoying them listen i'm not gay but i wanted to say you are super cute i hope i'm not too forward but i've been thinking about your compact body since i picked up the chairs not getting much at home and was wondering if you could help me out i don't know what you mean i heard gay boys are great at giving ahead you're gross man you're real gross oh boy that warehouse is going to have some people to question huh this looks like a tangled mess of oh god there's just not there's so much to break down here but it looks like the warehouse the workers already did it for me and broke it all down huh nice god did not create evil evil was created by satan god is good god cannot create evil only evil creates evil you need to study the scriptures i need to study okay are you sure god didn't create evil maybe you are the one who needs to study trust me i know the scriptures went to church every sunday god did not create evil isaiah 45 7 i form the light and create darkness and make peace and create evil i the lord do all these things ah you're taking that out of context no that's an exact passage my guy pewdiepie markiplier jacksepticeye i'll get it what's the um what's the face palm here i don't understand i'm an idiot clearly there's something i should be understanding here but i don't get it i don't i'm getting mad because i have no idea what what the what the face palm is here i don't i don't get it i don't know man like maybe the bar like the bar graph is off but even then oh no i'm get i i i don't like this this is this is dumb if the bar graphs off make the bar graph smaller idiot i'm not wrong you're wrong decided to browse the wasteland called r slash flatter society and check the bs if gravity is not strong enough to stop a small stream from flowing to its lowest point then what is stopping the oceans north of the equator from emptying into the ocean south of the equator this is what the earth would look like if we lived on a globe gravity is pseudoscience a theory that can't be proven if earth was a globe water flows to the lowest point god you're dumb vegetarian ham but it's ch chicken flavor but it's ham why would you that's gonna give me an ulcer hey would you like to go to the game tonight if you want free hot dog and soda i'd love to go to the game tonight sadly i think you have the wrong number no i know we went to the game together what game we go to with chary and diana we got high together girl get dressed now pick you up in the truck remember pretty sure we didn't get high together because i'm an officer of the law are you still going to come pick me up for the game though because i was looking forward to going to the game wrong number i tried to tell you that but no i don't know what i'm talking about you can stop i'll take you to the game my dude me and the officer go to the game together why not seems like a fun time go ahead is that a watermelon or a soccer ball yeah that's a soccer ball go ahead and kick it in no oh as soon as i saw it go to the left there i knew exactly what was going to go down never understood that they got the ice in the bottle i know like how it fits with that tiny a hole like do they cut the plastic then put the ice in they fill it with water and freeze it idiot oh do people really not understand yeah okay while this guy's an idiot that doesn't take away from the fact that he just learned something here that he didn't know until then and i want to know how long he went through life thinking that the cut plastic and put the ice in these people are who vote once you realize that this store proudly supports our local children's miracle network hospital hospital name thanks dairy queen hey hey how are you i'm fine how about you i've been better i'm actually really surprised you texted me you texted me yeah but i'm surprised you responded kate hudson i'm raising my daughter genderless we still don't know what she's going to identify as then wouldn't you use they and my child kate you [ __ ] people are freaking idiots my neighbor's kid just tried to tell me that bats are mammals mammals don't fly we walk and are confined to the ground no wonder my family in sweden thinks americans are dumb you all truly need to educate your kids better bats are birds no no they're not so uh jeffrey how was your weekend me this poor guy's name this poor guy what if we were actually meant to get mild childhood illnesses like measles so as to help prime our immune systems into fighting much greater diseases in later life jim's head is going to freaking explode when somebody finally sits them down and explains how vaccines actually work weight chose truth over facts oh but that's not good to say those are synonyms homie cleaning sand out of keyboard dream life office for the day feeling so peaceful but productive and inspired working on an exciting project and by the way my mac is ruined with sand express training pretty shocked at how rude one particular member of staff is so much so that i'd rather not put myself through being served by her again and avoid the place entirely you're an unreasonable customer just because you fell through the sunbed door naked and everybody saw you naked you're mad at us just real did i say express training it's express tanning god i'm so dyslexic john miss you are a complete loser idiot and we look forward to reviewing you and your family loser business enjoy and that's from the owner i don't like it i don't like it one bit so lotto this thursday is 100 million dollars and the population of australia is roughly 25 million dollars so why can't lottery west just give us all four million dollars each and make us all rich huh huh i'm just saying because i forgot about taxes bro right next to each other so i was honestly asked by this high school scene yeah how is alaska so cold and hawaii's so hot when they're right next to each other buddy buddy buddy you need to start back in kindergarten did you did you even try palevo francais spanish immersion tv yeah that tracks do not use any of these products to make hand sanitizer yeah that's definitely a smart idea times is so tough when i heard wendy's was giving out free four piece nugs today i knew i had to hustle i hit every dang wendy's twice within 17 miles across two states it took five hours but now we eaten free for a week what it do jesus ding dong okay how do you spell orange orange no not the fruit how do you spell the color o-r-a-n-g-e that's the fruit they're the exact same no they're not look it up you gotta stop talking to that person immediately i would rather push my kids in front of a bus than allow them to play video games okay karen interesting that act blue raised an average donation of 30 dollars and 38 cents this would imply people are donating in uneven numbers including pennies which would be odd or it would indicate untraceable foreign donations and an exchange rate translation which would be illegal okay four twos is still ten it's actually only an eight oh video games are childish period anyone who wastes time playing them past the age of 16 or so is a startlingly low value human past the age of 21 lost cause i've been a lost cause since i was eight i don't give a crap congratulations my brother's joining the royal navy thank you what state the royal navy is britain's naval force holy crap how dumb do you have to be adam and eve were straight white males not chinese idiot eve was a straight white male yes oh thank you for clearing that up here's the schedule hey i think you have the wrong number then what is your number because i have blank that's my number okay then why did you say i have the wrong number because i'm not the person you're trying to text yeah this is inaccurate some of us learned plants breathe in co2 you go carbon neutral and you kill plant life lol wait what how can i help tell me a joke what do cats eat for breakfast i don't know me neither thanks google that was good richard has no idea his african-american looking son may have been fathered by another poor richard never understood how they got the ice in the bottle like how it fit through that tiny [ __ ] did they like cut the plastic then put the ice in oh jesus what if zelda was a girl oh we can't keep doing this we can't keep making this joke because it's 3 a.m what the frick it's 10 p.m i live in scotland why did you just ask why i live in scotland yes because i'm scottish maybe form a sentence in the past continuous by moving the puzzle items around catherine was driving her daughter to school well the correct answer was actually catherine driving her school was daughter too um wow you know my eggs always taste better with just a hint of ass mojang needs to add vampires moaning please add in vampires i like vampire what a fantastic amazon review i've seen people do this far too many times and i always wonder what went through their head to make them think this was okay at all question 40 penicillin was discovered by true no no man the answer was false i can't believe kim died wtf i feel so bad for her kids and the other kardashians what happened ask an expert was abe lincoln real let me think about that no kim jong-un's sister won't be taking over if he dies yes kim jong-un's sister kim yo-jong would take charge if he died i'm i'm getting some conflicting information here from two articles that this exact same website posted probably within the same hour malatica nothing else mattress tonight at 8 20 and 20 seconds in military time it will be 20 20 20 20 20. this only happens once in history good lord hey guess what what my goldfish drowned oh i'm sorry i never even knew you had a goldfish yeah it's sad wait goldfish can't drown how the heck did i lose so much hair because for every free throw you missed one falls out in 1847 robert liston performed an amputation in 25 seconds operating so quickly that he accidentally amputated his assistant's finger as well both patient and assistant later died of sepsis and a spectator reportedly died of shock resulting in the only known surgical procedure with a 300 mortality ray boom world record you did it dude north korean dictator kim jong-un rumored to be dead brain dead or just fine okay thanks for that new york post when flowers and chocolate just won't fully convey how you feel about her chew is fine one giant size don't usually tweet right but i've just come home to my mom crying her eyes out asking if i do crystal meth because she found prawn cracker crumbs in a bag on my bedside table come on mom at the berlin wall last week walls work oh monica come on are you kidding me does not work at all i tried shaving my fat ginger friend's neck beard and it didn't even work fix your app was this review helpful you know surprisingly enough it was guinness book of world records is racist for this behavior sudanese model nyakim enters guinness book of world records for having the darkest skin tone on earth all for god's sake well that's as good a spot as any i guess anytime someone sees a fortnight profile picture people are like bro you still play fortnite you're gay you're a virgin etc can i not enjoy playing a game without getting all this hate imagine judging people by what game they play imagine i know so immature did you just comment on your own comment from an alt account that has the same profile picture oh busted the kids blame the footprints on the dog i see they went with the shaggy defense wasn't me a strange creature that tastes like almonds has been dug up in russia why the heck would you taste it mcdonald's order three ways online mcdonald's provides three ways now sign me right up i want my first daughter to be a girl me too reviews for chocolate banana bread if i want banana bread i don't really want chocolate taste with it too bad i didn't realize that before i spent the time to make this bread yeah that that is too bad don't call me karen sure i'll just call you bad hair day or [ __ ] instead how old were you when you found out goofy was actually a cow and not a dog i was today years old wow this this one hurts me i do feel like if i go back to school and focus up i can be part of congress i dead ass have so much ideas that can make sense i just need a couple years of school and i can shake the table i wonder how p tastes like yes we definitely need her mind in congress my son brought a 5g phone into my house how can i get a court order that forces him not to use it here day 20 of quarantine me and the boys still having fun this is not social distancing unless you all live together which i doubt yeah they definitely all live together you should definitely buy the new iphone se don't buy the new iphone se buy the white one don't buy the black one got it if your mind goes directly to race you're the problem so you're the problem i pay for strippers let the strippers go back to work god the important things in life guys sabrina the teenage witch hired this balding man to play a high school student hey don't judge okay i'm losing my hair and i'm not that old yet would you rather be smelly but rich or nice smelling but poor rich i could have a luxury house with showers and baths and perfume to keep me smelling lovely girls also won't care how bad you smell if you're rich i'm a girl i do care how bad people smell regardless of wealth this is this is just stupid random woman make song in portuguese freddie dread hippity hoppity this song is my property this is brazilian you do realize that brazilian isn't a language right they speak portuguese in brazil what weighs more a gallon of water or a gallon of butane the water butane is lighter fluid oh oh shut up reopen peslovania give me liberty or give me death we the paypal we shouldn't reopen anything for you ma'am why the frick is there a zero birthday candle it's not like you turned zero years old dumbass oh lord oh lord don't worry our users will notify us if there's a problem honk if crap's fallen off when a military husband exits his home country for work leaving his wife behind his wife shouldn't be condemned for having sexual relations with other men if she becomes pregnant in this time her husband should be held legally responsible to support both his wife and her baby under all circumstances i hope you burn in hell random stranger north korea dictator kim jong-un reportedly dead after botched heart surgery wait what does it mean when reporters report unreportedly like is this real or no shut up megan closes a car door wow uh are you freaking kidding me is this an actual article please tell me it is because it's a sign of the end of the world finally it's happening hey what you guys working on oh i see literally nothing might want to turn that computer on geniuses you've made the 5 billionth search no no married 10 years and never had sex still deeply in love i'm sure guys a reporter went on air wearing a suit coat and no pants not realizing everyone could see his legs i feel like he knew exactly what was going on you don't matter worry oh god self-described drug dealer calls 9-1-1 report stolen drugs i'm sure they'll get them back to you post-haste sir library books rearranged in size order by cleaner the books were put on the shelves in order of size rather than alphabetical or by genre a well-meaning cleaner who took the opportunity to give a lockdown library a thorough clean reshelved all of its books oopsy poopsy someone laughing at them it's literally elon musk you don't know who that is trisha no one can take you serious but that's fine don't know who that is cause i'm not a gamer nerd frick minecraft oh trisha how do i unblock a website without a vpn step one use a vpn oh thanks wow who could ever have guessed learn something new every day the direction of the storm can be determined by watching which way the clouds are moving wow colorblind quiz did they spray paint a strawberry for this gut doctor i beg americans to throw out this vegetable now um what ninja calls out fortnite in its brain dead players it hurt itself in its confusion oh i see what's going on here nope just let them do it they'll figure it out eventually also dude charge your phone i prefer dangerous freedom over peaceful slavery okay why office air conditioning is sexist oh boy not this again well this marathon runner ran boston strog in her fitness app she tried she was so close my girlfriend is currently crying because she thought the 70 she wanted to spend on adopting a koala bear from the australian brush fires was actually going to physically get her a koala bear like they would just fedex that craft to us and not her just becoming a sponsor by sharing your message with us using may the fourth you agree to our use of the message and your account name and all media and our terms of use here oh cool thanks disney the worst crime was committed using planes so should we ban those too i'm not advocating for a ban on guns i'm advocating for strict regulations and guess which mode of transportation is the most highly regulated should cardi b face consequences for drugging and robbing men yes yes she absolutely should no frick i'm dead how do you delete this crap on gmail i sent this to my teacher i freaking hate kids is that delgo frank no actually what do i do i can't delete it a chinese thief snatched a woman's phone and ran into a nearby building to escape the building turned out to be a police station oh poetic justice i love it hi good morning uh please don't drink bleach or disinfectant of any type currently have three in ed that drank the trump kool-aid overnight severe esophageal burns and lung damage please say that you're joking sorry i'm not can't believe leonardo dicaprio yelled i'm on top of the world from the titanic a ship that was at sea at sea level the scientifically lowest altitude in the world he was nowhere near the top he was literally at the bottom what a stupid idiot oh wow wow hello my brothers and sisters in christ will you believe in nasa or the holy bible oh my gosh the flat earth society that that's just too easy it's like cheating posting anything from them is just far too easy during his attempted hike this thief fell over a drinks display and then could not open the door to escape because he was pushing instead of pulling the lady had to come over and help him she helped him oh how nice negative 46c is a piece of cake in russia google says 46 celsius is 114 degrees fahrenheit that would make negative 46 degrees celsius negative 114 degrees fahrenheit am i right oh boy lol but where are you from though chile i mean where do you live chile it's not even funny what's your problem i'm from chile why is gwyneth paltrow selling a candle that smells like her vagina because people are buying it that's why thief mistakenly sucks sewage instead of the fuel tank well he got what he deserved trying to steal someone's gas we already do this no need to enforce it there's always that odd guy that stands next to you and all the others are empty yeah he's called the dead man phone out of service give us a call okay ball doesn't hold water but a flat ball does that's why the earth is flat you got me perfect argument florida man claims guns found in carr belonged to his cousin john wick he tried dear men stop calling women thick we can't control our curves why would you compliment us over something we have no control over do you even realize what harm it causes to women thick is a slur stop saying thick it's not cool it's sexist and it's borderline racist all right we're stopping right there moving on blurst tennis racket what's blurst about this m shouldn't appear because it's hollow oh okay the truth is not a conspiracy it is simply the truth there's literally a curve in this picture [Laughter] everyone needs to stop asking when the lockdown will end when will the lockdown end wired you are terrible hey buddy real brave of you to insult our military real brave of your military to invade my country and give our unborn population a long history of birth defects and collateral damage that harmed our economy and quality of life for decades source oh that wow totally useless app as far as i'm concerned the main reason to have this app is to play the games not merely talk about them app really should be called steam community or steam friends oh and you can use the app to buy more games that you guessed it you can't play natively on your device better off using your computer was this review helpful no no it was not they did not think this one through at all anybody know what kind of octopus this is oh my god you are playing with death and you have no idea i was born in the wrong century i mean you can still dress like the one on the left but other people can dress like the one on the right nothing's wrong here nothing's wrong but the vibe just isn't the same oh my god i hate this crap i do not talk about my charity and relief work in public it's between me and my creator sure sure it is did you know that microsoft actually uses dog noses for thumbsticks on the gamecube controller it takes two dogs lives to produce one controller so if you own two controllers that's five dogs needlessly murdered for your godless entertainment stop and think about the gamers okay spread anarchy don't tell me what to do that's the spirit what uh what's going on here color and texture color is a property of matter find a yellow object in this picture okay i'll get right on that lifeguard fired for saving a man's life how pathetic feminist bake sale for equality 75 cents for women one dollar for men ah yeah it's all about that equality oh come on you could have done that better i'm fighting off coronavirus by drinking sperm smoothies excuse me what what you want to run that by me about seven more times and hopefully i'll understand we hate math say four and ten a majority of americans oh my god ah yes that bridge is clearly needed where it is i took a pick of my son getting an award with his teacher oh i see what's going on here imagine getting one chance to tell the local paper how you met your partner and this happens oh tough break attention toilet only for disabled elderly pregnant children finally oh my god i hate that woman who lost limbs after dog lick still loves her excuse me sacrifice the weak oh my god iphone topic how the play store puts malware on 500 000 android smartphones ah yes i see girl goes viral as she gets attacked by an octopus while trying to eat it alive oh no poor her dusk when i say asia what country comes to mind girl europe wow okay that's fine what a chauffeur all right let's see what you got buddy did you wait wait wait wait wait wait 160 miles an hour this is not this does not look like that holy crap i like i was slowly starting to realize once the hand went off the wheel i was like that's not good 160 miles an hour just to jump that curb no clearance on that car and just they're gone the uploaded that's that's the last thing they saw in life was uh that sign good god i hope they're okay though that's just not oh yeah yeah all right show us what you got baby exactly how it's supposed to be done little did you know that that's actually gonna give you more buoyancy in the water and overall make your uh kayaking experience more entertaining you're welcome for the advice [Laughter] don't have a bookmark try using a taco actual photo of an actual book found the book drop at my library in indiana a few years back man really did just use a whole taco too just i can only imagine the satisfying crunch that was made when he closed that book you ever think about that because he used a taco it's very clean you can see the lettuce the meat was it a hard taco or a soft taco because it was hard he crunched it just that satisfying crunch of tortilla [Laughter] please give me an example of something someone said to you that was so astonishingly stupid that you can never forget it all right i want you guys to do this in the comment section if i see anything about me in there i'm going to cry i'm going to be completely honest with you if i go into the comments section damien said this in an mk video i'm going to start just cheers straight tears down my face well you know i wrote an article about poverty on a native american reservation and someone sent me an article titled 10 indian billionaires and said then explain this and they were all people from india nice nice i accidentally hit the language button on my remote last night and watched family guy in spanish for 10 minutes thinking it was a weird joke see that seems plausible is the thing that's why i don't even blame that i don't call this a face pump it seems like something family guy would do like seth macfarlane and boothie is like hey guys wouldn't it be funny if peter griffin said hola the state vegetable of oklahoma is a watermelon which is a fruit hey don't you worry about it i wouldn't even worry about it can you name the game console from a photo of the controller no no i can't i need to see the logo customer said she wanted to return this because the airpods were in here three dollars and 50 cents i'm tired wait what's up neck strap oh okay i see i was like what i'm gonna be honest with you i saw the cord here like the the little strap and i thought straight up that people were adding like a headphone cord to their airpods and i was like come on now you already bought so he already bought it bluetooth what are you going through the trouble to add some sort of strap or cord to it for i like the way it feels [Laughter] avocados and onions i don't think those are avocados hey yo yolanda you're dumb says the person who misspelled your says the person who misspelled says says the person who misspelled says that's not how your spell says yeah well you stink bro it's the avengers and everyone's here we got hulk we got iron man we got captain america we got a bat man we got way is batman's supposed to be vision on this why is vision on the box set that's funny ah see no that's 200 iq to use the thing you can slide up over the pole to uh attach your bike to little did you know that that's a pro strat and i appreciate that this guy noticed uh you know exactly what it's all about he noticed it and said hey the convenience of putting on the pole is just too good i like this guy he's going places but he's gonna have to walk because i stole his bike uh yes look through the binoculars and tell me what you see is it an idiot are you using the binoculars on the mirror because you should be they're on the wrong way stupid safety padding to prevent kids from hitting sharp corners well let's draw a bolt through the top that'll help them my boss had to teach us how to poop today please stay seated during the performance yes no tell me that's not the right way every time i go to the bathroom my drop trowel bend at a perfect 90 degree angle and just let it fly you saying i've been doing it wrong i think you're just a coward how technology can help various disabled groups a universal phone yeah but see that that's not uh no just not at all actually that's not gonna help any group taken after trying to message my number neighbor is that what i think it is the get boo house war the bloodiest war oh man quote of the week don't feel bad for making decisions that upset other people you're not responsible for their happiness you're responsible for yours see i get that and that's like that's endearing and all but what if i want to do meth what if it's what if it's meth that i want to do and my mom and pop are like hey well don't do that and i'm like i'm not gonna feel bad for making decisions that upset other people goodbye california hello san francisco how the hell are you getting to college with a caption like that you just do you hit the books kid can't review this item yet i could not review this item because i bought it for my grandson in australia for his birthday he'll receive it on august 9th i'll be able to let you know then okay but you're not even the one receiving it your grandson is so what are you reviewing let's see what you got going on buddy door open because you can't see out your mirror but that's not going to stop you it's truck month baby drive that forward right to the game you got it let's go baby truckman you can do it it's not even a truck oh well it's not even like a classic pickup is what i'm trying to say it's got that big hatch on the back wait no it is a pickup he's gonna he's please put a hatch on the back for what it's truck month get that hatch off the back of your pickup bud okay i'm not sure if this is a face pump because i'm not sure how it happened because it looks to me chief it looks to me like it just kinda sorta you know collapsed from the sky like you know those looney tune cartoons where the anvil the acme anvil will fall from the sky same idea just with a giant truck is that what happened here it was someone playing the sims in real life and used a truck but put it a little too up in the too far up in the sky what's going on there's so many questions i have for that image and i don't think i'm gonna get an answer for any of them like there's not even an incline for it to have gone up this thing had to have gotten a hell of a jump somewhere and i don't know how child draws on dad's passport dad gets stuck in south korea well he's done it now and i ain't got to beat up the little kid can i grab him by the collar of a shirt and go did you do this and he's going to go and that's you so you know he did it do not write on circuit breaker door because my writing's already on it so please just don't just don't write over it just because you went to college doesn't make you smarter than me common sense doesn't come with a degree but i don't know how to spell then t-h-a-n all i know is you're not smarter than me that hey quick question is this mouse pad windows 10 compatible oh brother you know it's a piece of cloth right you got a brain in there is it rocks is it a sack of potatoes is it corn is it some sort of produce what's in what's in your head buddy i refuse to believe you got a brain in there that produced that question a mouse that's running on a little wheel maybe i know the possibilities are endless an organism is dead when it is no longer alive really show your show your work joined this group in error i will have nothing to contribute please delete many thanks my apologies for the inconvenience that's okay john the hottest places on earth are deserts what do you notice about deserts no trees if we reduce co2 we will have less trees making earth hotter not cooler nature uses co2 to cool the earth not warm it well i can tell from your profile picture that you got an awfully large brain you see that he's smiling [Laughter] he's smiling with an index finger to his temple he's thinking he's a thinking man he's ready to spit facts knowledge and reliable legitimate statements hey what disease did jacob grimm die from no he died from disease yeah but what kind you know the ouchy one the herdy one bro that's the elite battery protector i get 200 percent now oh oh baby now when i use snapchat it'll only die half as fast my dad opened his salad upside down and his exact quote was if and i didn't want to sell it anyways [Laughter] i give up i'm going back to bed and starting the day over 3 p.m no i'm starting the day over you still fancy that cup of soup now yes because i'm fully aware that liquids start to solidify when you reduce their temperature you buffoon this doesn't this doesn't disturb me you froze them fire extinguisher don't you dare touch that door handle unless it's an emergency that's an entire room of extinguishers bud this man has optimized being a prick in public he has taken up four parking spaces he's cracked the code woman nearly dies after injecting herself with fruit juice well what do you think is gonna happen you can't grab a cup of freshly squeezed oj and go yum right into the femoral artery it's not gonna it's not gonna do anything for you at that point when someone else is in charge of putting the groceries in the fridge that is a two in one shampoo listen i like it cold is there a problem with that take it up with me personally how you had one job and you couldn't even get that one right does anyone else only get out of bed at multiples of zero or five like it gets to 7 21 and i'm like nah i've missed it i'll get up at 7 25. zero doesn't multiply you idiot psa please do not park like this that is my car on the right i was contemplating having to crawl across the passenger seat when the woman who owned the car on the left came back i pointed out calmly that she needs to be more aware of the cars around her when parking hey uh the thing is she's in the lines and you aren't you idiot oh no it's a forest fire but um fun fact verna savannah mufasa and simba they're not in the forest system error japan cyber security minister admits he's never used a computer sick he was also confused by the concept of a usb drive when asked in parliament so you may well have put a block of cheese in the uh in the seat this app doesn't work after conventing a jpg image to jpeg it still stay jpeg what gives fun fact it's fun fact time that's the same format coffee and donuts they just go together but that's the wrong puzzle piece sweet lord baby jesus have mercy on my soul that is not what i wanted to see today something's wrong with mr krabs keyboard disconnected please reconnect a keyboard i'm on a laptop oh yeah what are you doing you playing soccer sick and then that's a soccer game right there well he's just practice i know he's playing football and then it's the football game well either way he's just practicing for when he gets to be on the field he's making sure his catching hands are ready just because you don't understand sports training the interaction i had with my landlord really let my natural charm and intelligence shine sorry i totally missed that text must have read it and then brain farted it straight out of my head oh wait i sent that text to you not the other way around ignore that lol you're getting evicted a special offer listen i'm saving no money on this bag of lemons but that red label makes them look more enticing all right show me what you got baby what do we got here oh huh what oh he he lifted the leg up just a little bit i was like wait what's going on i thought he just like swiped it right under the leg so blank said he took some pills while he was there yeah i took my epilepsy medication i prefer to be conscious instead of on the floor okay i don't appreciate you doing drugs in front of my child you know medication is just a crunch you need to show blank that being well is just mind over matter you need to not have children that is that is the important thing to get here i i hope none of your children never have a seizure because you'll just look at him and go get up you're that kind of parent walk it off these comments are scaring me i'm gonna uninstall this game immediately and i advise you all to do the same some kind of mind control software is going on here okay beware the negative influences just because your body may be a vessel doesn't mean it's disposable especially not by your own doing righteousness overcomes the wicked bro it's just super hot woman complained her shoes were hurting but she was wearing them on the wrong feet she moaned all night that she couldn't walk in the shoes well how do you do that how do you mistake you know what i'm not gonna ask i don't wear high heels so i'm i might not know you know so i'm just gonna let that exist when your parents ask where all your money went right in my belly he ate the money no you idiot dude this just kicks me out of the app i have an iphone 7. hello contact us through the app please we'll try to help you but we need more additional information it takes me out of the app keelan colga's hit himself in the nuts oh he did you good buddy so i'm watching oh yeah he went he just racked himself in the nads that's great the joker movie in theaters october 4th why is it only in the theaters for one day i wanna i thought i'm busy the fourth come on joker movie am i older than my older sister okay so she was born in 1992 when i was born in 1998 am i older than her or not since my year i was born in is bigger but hers is longer i'm a girl if that helps it's not your gender that is of the question it is of your brain size your brain is that of peanut walnut maybe you know i can never truly start my day without a nice dose of dick tea looks more like coffee but i suppose that's just the dick flavoring enhancing the herbal tea infusion can find boys armchair dark brown leatherette oh that is a nice looking chair and it's oh it's so tiny oh i would have the exact same expression surely the page would have measurements on it oh for goodness sake so many people have been taking selfies here they've actually been putting up a q system on second thought this is great this will really control those crowds hogging up the footpath just so they can get their instagram likes add even more to your story with ancestrydna was 99 now only 99. it's like when clothing stores will raise the price of their clothes and then discount them to make it seem like they're on sale oh what does that tiny sign say over there on that table let me just read it please stay away from table oh god get back hey maybe put this sign on a chair or something so people don't actually have to go near the table to read stay away from the table protesters calling for gyms to reopen do squats push-ups outside clearwater courthouse you know i was originally all for the safety of my citizens but after seeing some people do squats and stump stuff outside the courthouse i'm just gonna lift everything up i reopen the chips yeah it's all done we've stopped it everyone they saved the world by being freaking idiots florida is in hawaii though american schools are failing okay but are we surprised i question if peanut is her nickname or just what her brain is i can't really talk though i used to call myself peanut night a lot of games i played growing up so i'm i'm kind of digging on myself here too they spray crops with butter duh i don't even know the context behind this but i have to imagine trying to spray with butter the consistency the stickiness the the absolute disgusting slimy feeling you'd get going through a crop area like trying to avoid a potential bedpan failure again here and yeah this person's clearly just on something the closest thing to a butter spray is something for like popcorn or your toast i like to inquire more about this person's ideas and practices regarding and how to grow them i wonder what their personal method is for getting milk well you meant to suck on the tea yourself and then you spit it out into the bucket it's just like how a cow would drink the milk toss bar on both monitors help oh god there's two options to click on chrome which which one do i use hi five stars game very broad thank you for your input today's fact tomato ketchup was used as medicine in 1800s wow what a fact did you forget to change it counts [Laughter] no i think he's just really proud of that fact he's he's like someone who's built a shed he's just like wow what a shed meanwhile in unpopular opinions babies should not be named by their parents instead they should name themselves come on it's time for school hurry up now balthazar don't forget your lunch this time balthazar demon of the underworld you come here right now you leave alone stop pulling her hair recent posts politics test uh posted four years ago wow so recent to the times that site seems very active one star such a scam dinosaurs are fake and never existed so i think this guy went to a museum but i'm also very concerned that he's considered a local guide yeah that's our treasured world-renowned museum but don't trust it it's all fake they've got dinosaurs in there top 100 google search queries around the world as of 2020 youtube love it facebook yeah gmail all right google wait i come again i think we can all agree though that at some point late at night we've accidentally googled google hmm i wonder where the swiss army knife is made uh clearly comes from cows you know swiss cheese like where did they get the word swiss from the what the hell's a switzerland was funny till the animal abuse well scientifically the entire video is animal abuse humans aren't animal smart guy it's such a narcissistic view like we're not gods a kid born in 2010 is now 20. just let that sink in he doing that ah kelly math how do you break a spawner in minecraft and keep it in minecraft if i have unbreaking 3 fortune 3 efficiency 4 and mending on my pickaxe is a silk touch pickaxe still necessary is minecraft racist i kind of do want to know the answer to the second one though not gonna lie this is a repost check ah slash minecraft builds but it's posted there by the same person ah i see i apologize yeah that's right you sit down if you use facial recognition for anything the government has your face lol wait until you find out about driver licenses why is spanish spoken in brazil so different and unintelligible i don't know man maybe it's because it's a different country yet you ever thought of that are siblings closer genetically than parents i do not like where this question is trying to go okay just other random question uh how genetically apart are you from your second cousin terrible and a waste of money one star the song doesn't even go with the music it hurts my brain to try and deconstruct this maybe they mean music is in the backing track and song is the actual singer like that's the best i can make of this otherwise my brain is making as much sense of this as their name my turmeric a guy says he was questioned on a plane for doing math during a flight sir schools have been closed at the moment is therefore illegal to do any sort of education in a public space a woman sitting next to the ivy league economist told the flight crew she had security concerns about the man after seeing him write in a foreign script it turned out to be a differential equation oh i should have read further it's even better doesn't that just say the level of intelligence of the woman when she mistakes a math for a different language it's the everyday heroes that really make the difference i worked at mcdonald's for two and a half years and i put 11 nuggets in almost every 10 piece i made this ain't a face palm dude why did you leave go back i want to get 11 nuggets for 10. please it's all i have to keep my life together 1 out of 10. i could not say what this new animal crossing game is like as i bought for my nintendo 3ds xl only to find it's only made for the nintendo switch when will it be released for the nintendo 3ds xl or is it only going to be for the switch man i was so tempted to do this as a joke for my girlfriend when i bought her animal crossing but [Music] i also want to be able to sleep in a bed back to this guy though i think we can all agree it is a face palm but we can all still relate to the frustration of having to buy the upgraded console thing uh in order to actually play the fun games yes jake but the newer consoles are actually designed to uh be able to play those more complex games so be gone with your logic fiend i want to complain how noticeable is the infrared flash to humans at nighttime uh you don't see a flash it's infrared we don't see infrared oh okay uh new question how noticeable is the infrared flash to humans at night time oh my god invisible i think someone wants to be extra sure they can't be seen meanwhile on prageru definitely reliable and not at all biased area of information a good idea is universal or it's not a good idea oh yeah no i can see how that works yeah that's actually a good point slavery was universal america abolished it well we made a mistake with your tattoo but we'll try to fix it all night long just knowing your arm's gonna get pretty sore so don't go riding your bicycle afterwards okay let yourself rest this is what happens when you put a penny in a microwave for two minutes wow shocking yo you just made me start a fire in the house yeah you don't deserve my sympathy here you like those people who threw a phone in the microwave because you thought it would charge faster adopting kids that don't match your ethnicity or your spouse's is racist ah god just this stupid attempted cloud oh my head people have read it who don't like lasagna why i've never had it before how about now here have some lasagna take it eat it eat the lasagna in other news i'd like to welcome garfield to reddit one star i mean i've not played mugen but it's awesome what i'm confused is he raiding the game mugen itself here or is he raiding another game and he's just mentioning that he thinks megan's awesome i don't speak english oh what language australia in australia we don't say sharon and dave went to see ac dc before going to mcdonald's we say shazza and dazzer went to see akadaka before going to maccas so i do understand this some college professors during quarantine yesterday my professor gave an entire lecture on mute and didn't look at the 200 plus comments telling him his audio was off [Laughter] i hope he had the mind to actually record the zoom meeting as well so people could at least watch it later but oh could you imagine the pain you have to attend it but still you can't even do anything but just look at it i just leave that lecture i wouldn't even bother sticking around for that that's just so bad why i stopped watching nigerian movies a man had a heart attack in the hospital and the doctor shouted somebody call an ambulance okay i hear you man but all you're doing is making me want to see this movie just going to write down this scenario for a script one day walmart choose shipping options standard shipping free estimated delivery may 19th to may 20th for express shipping for 13.94 estimate delivery is uh uh the same same dates yeah i'll stick to free thanks kids these days have it a lot easier than we did growing up that's the goal though right typical boomer level kind of logic ah we've made society all better for you and it's all your fault the elevated doors opened up and a guy walked in the elevator it was just me and him in there and he said i love you and i'm not rude so i said i love you too he gave me a weird look and pointed at his bluetooth the plot twist in this story the bluetooth was never on like this post if you cry every time cbs news iran says 19 sailors killed 15 wounded in friendly fire missile accident oh that is darker than a normal facepalm that's a bloody tragedy oh god i meant tragedy don't you dare stop spamming this in the comment section below i swear to god girl at restaurant are you tony hawk me yes her why i had no idea how to answer is anyone gonna give him a break i swear every single twitter post by him is people just being an [ __ ] to tony hawk first look at the nintendo switch eight times nintendo ripped off xbox yeah i'm gonna agree with the dislike ratio on this one when we both fall asleep so the bed bugs taking the photos i can guarantee those two in the photo are at least under 17. remember folks it's not a slight trait of narcissism if you have to post how successful your relationship is in front of everyone else have you ever been in an accident that resulted in your death i see ghostbusters has a new tactic to baiting in kindred spirits why you will get cut defending against a knife you will get cut no sherlock the most simplest but most appealing setup i have it's literally just a background and a clock astute observation did scuba the gang help you figure that one out or did you do it on your own yes that's the whole point with a name like stay salty my friends i questioned whether this guy was that ignorant unbelievable young driver allegedly caught speeding 308 kilometers an hour on the qew the op says they caught a young driver allegedly speeding at 308 kilometers an hour on the qew saturday night this is the fastest speed i've ever heard of the sergeant said in a video from my experience going above 80 alone is enough to make you see serious look at the picture it shows the evolution of which animal this picture shows how the hind legs of horses have evolved well hold up that's not an actual animal that's like a part of the animal that doesn't count i mean let's not even get started as to how the hell they look like hind legs the sea option looks like some sort of weird chicken villa puram para kandan of tamil nadus ville peram who tried to pose for a picture with a fish died after the fish slipped into his mouth causing him to choke the incident occurred on monday evening at a lake wow this person not even gonna dare attempt that name who tried to pose for a picture with a fish died after the fish slipped into his mouth causing him to choke oh boy a fresh darwin award nominee i genuinely wonder how his mind was racing during this whole moment like this fish killed him it's not really something to laugh about i guess new chair no homo but it is very comfortable what uh fellas is it gay to sit comfortably no it is not can we stop trying to create homophobia around everything that we do as men come on you're okay to sit comfortably you're okay to have a fruity cocktail you're especially allowed to wear women's lingerie without your girlfriend wanting to have a talk to you about constantly using her lingerie i say that as a joke but i know that's not gonna make people think otherwise i am going to regret that i don't want my man to wear glasses i feel like that's a little gay for goodness sake fellas is it gay to see come on why is this becoming a thing it seems today that all you see is violence in movies and sex on tv but where are those good old fashioned values on which we used to rely i'd continue this but it's already as far as i've memorized the lyrics it's called google you ruined the joke boo blacked out name guy make him delete his account hi fellow doggo my brother dog good doggy boy you were not one with the shiba tribe join now or be smited in the name of the mighty lords dog brought the android portal this is a freeway being developed mighty close to those apartments but hey i guess when you need that desperate infrastructure you gotta cut some corners i suppose i can just imagine the real estate value here just skyrocketing up in value oh boy can cats lick mint or lifesaver mints my cat tried to eat a gum wrapper the last christmas she tried to lick a candy cane and when i got lifesaver mints she attacked it so i gave her one especially since she's pmsing i tried to eat her she also tries to lick recipes but i keep them away from her because i know receipts are toxic for her one lifesaver mint can't be that bad for her right i know in some places they refer to catnip as cat mints so i'm really hoping this is what they're referring to as well but it does not look like that also who refers to their cat as pmsing is that an actual thing can cats pms the first result is a cosmopolitan article telling women to blame their cats for their periods i'm just i'm gonna end it there i'm happy with that sick days we no longer accept a doctor's note as proof of illness if you're able to go to the doctor you should be able to come to work sorry i i don't think that's how that um you know the whole part of disease spreading if it's contagious you're an idiot and you deserve whatever comes to you okay is this a yeah okay we got a pool here did you just cut the pool open what do you think's gonna happen you cut the pool open you literally cut it open what did you expect was gonna happen that the water was gonna stay in place no you bozo you [ __ ] it's like a mini flood what is the biggest pla we got planet planet in the universe planet on earth i'll tell you it's earth that's the that's the biggest planet on earth the seven best hangover cures backed by science number one number one limit your alcohol intake you can't have a hangover if you were never drunk to begin with that's 200 iq gary neville gives passionate must watch and really does he now i might just have to tune in to sky sports football looks like it's getting a lot more exciting my friend can't figure out why he has ants oh sweet merry mother of joseph awesome 2006 one dollar bill american currency one dollar federal reserve note usa for 60 bucks well it's an old bill it's at least 10 years old that's a decade so you eat whole animals like in nature pretty sure factory farming doesn't count we were born herbivores basic science what no we weren't if we were born herbivores we wouldn't have the ability to digest meat or canine teeth and scissors for tearing meat eat or don't eat whatever the hell you want but quit spreading bs to guilt and fib people into not doing the same basic science and then two clown emojis can we get some honk honks i won't be trying any of the fake plant burgers because i support our farmers and ranchers in order to grow plants just canceled my car insurance two days ago and now my car is misfiring what luck are you taking the piss and do you actually think insurance covers a misfire i love the pirate speak by the way on your facebook [Laughter] i mean would have helped since i hit a roo in the front of the car's gun drove right a few days but then the engine light came on and started to misfire so oh well it's getting fixed now at least why would you cancel the insurance then keep driving it then hit a roo and keep driving it again that's just straight glue huffa logic some idiot decided to take a screenshot from gta 5 and use it as an ad amazingly cheap flights from the philippines wow and that plane looks so real and neon pink and totally not video game asset bokche sponsored children giveaway enter now for the chance to win lots of amazing prizes including a cash prize store vouchers cinema tickets and many more how's a kid gonna use any of that thought i'd just share this with y'all these are a must have in our household within this box is 144 pre-pasted toothbrushes so that means no more ways to toothpaste or a big mess to clean grab one pop out the wrapper wet it brush teeth and throw everything away almost counterintuitive to saving money isn't it founder of one of the largest conversion therapy ministries in the us comes out as gay and a story first reported in the post and courier mcrae game came out as gay and announced the practice of conversion therapy calling it not just a lie but very harmful we're on to ya what is this creepy alien jellyfish design my roommate has on his blanket flip the image vertically you [ __ ] swedish 16 year old climate activist greta thundberg just arrived in manhattan after sailing across the atlantic ocean in a zero emission yacht disabled kid used by her parents for propaganda to make money research her parents connections especially her dads and how they earn money disgusting your comment history is like cancer but less whimsical losing daylight does anyone know why our days are getting shorter it's 7 47 pm and it's already getting dark out seems darker in the mornings as well thoughts yeah it's called the earth rotating dear parents the first grade teachers need your help students are wasting valuable learning time on bathroom breaks healthy first graders urinate one or two times during the school day we expect the children to use the restroom before school or during lunch recess i cannot i'm like reading this and i'm like dumbfounded we also provide an afternoon bathroom break and if a child is having an emergency we allow them to go we find that most emergencies stem from children not using the bathroom during the appointed times ways you can help insist that your child uses the restroom at school before the morning bell rings and during lunch recess have your child practice to increase their bladder endurance i'm sorry do what have him or her waiting 10 to 15 minutes from their first urge and increase the wait time by five minutes per day over the course of two weeks until your child is able to hold their urine for two hours at a time thank you for your support the first grade teachers they're children they're in the first grade okay bobby you're not gonna get to go pee until you can hold it for 35 minutes you understand that it's too late ma'am my drawers are already soaked prices you can trust yellow tree dogs for 78 cents a pound while hot dogs sign me up do y'all remember when you were a kid and if you didn't know how to spell a word you'd have to look it up in a book book yeah like a thesaurus 1998 yahoo refuses to buy google for 1 million dollars 2002 yahoo realizes it's mistaken trials to buy google for three billion dollars google says give us five billion yahoo says no 2008 yahoo refuses to be sold to microsoft for 40 billion dollars 2016 yahoo sold to verizon for 4.6 billion sometimes being stubborn is not the way to go you got to be a visionary so we got cherry vanilla lime and handicapped that's my favorite flavor this poor man don't no one tell him no one tell him let him let him let him hit one too many speed bumps and absolutely destroy the back of his car just light it all on fire just burn the whole thing down friends for life the pet adoption service always loved the salad and bread but i had to send my meal back twice everyone else at my table enjoyed their entrees though wait staffing management was very nice hi jessica we're an animal shelter not a restaurant teenager goes blind after eating only fries and pringles for years first off how do you get away with doing that second off that is incredible my crazy neighbor just sent me this text while i'm in japan essentially she's saying i know you're out of the country but i think people are in your apartment oh well have fun okay it's weird as i thought i heard voices last night and this morning in your apartment well enjoy japan nice job google looks like you guys might get hit by the hurricane on tuesday or wednesday yay i hope so it's exactly what i would send the han beauty hair salon but why is there a braille up there is a seven foot tall man who's blind gonna bump his face into the sign go oh it's a hair salon right down there game over cops guard ikea store after three thousand teens threatened to play hide and seek in the furniture let them have their fun it's a bunch of innocent kids trying to hide in the ikea the winner gets a bunch of swedish meatballs what's the problem ikea i know nirvana in rolling stones oh nice i miss curt a lot i once got to meet him what seriously how old are you i'm 16. how did you meet him then oh my mom knew some people who knew him so you actually met him yes me did i'm having trouble understanding though he died in 1994. we hit 1 billion views wow that's over one third of the entire world population thank you so much i'm not going to crack a joke about it because i don't want to get banned from works fest message failed to send 600 days ago thanks for letting me know iphone i love iphones i use an iphone i've never had that happen to me but if it did [Laughter] if you're gonna dine and dash maybe don't use our selfie machine before you leave wow wow wow wow elijah woods signed an autograph for me and then as i walked off called me back to tell me i had great hair i had to talk my friend out of getting drunk tattoos with elijah wood coachella and she's still mad at me for it no that never happened i don't know who you or your drunk friend are indian men hitting on a painting the first guy just drops his phone number i love you this is my number hello sexy dear friend how are you i kiss your full body and then this gentleman with a full paragraph goes beautiful girlfriend how are you i like you i love you i feel you and all day all night every day everything you i need you please come bangladesh i receive you bro it's drawn lol hurricane is a reminder that humans are not god and science is not king in florida we're very blase about her at least the locals i was born and raised here we're blonzey about the hurricane we're like yeah could strike us could not i mean if it does lisa's not a florida man on the news happy labor day mamas you're all amazing strong woman and you're killing the mama life take a moment today to celebrate what you've been through and bring your little one slash ones into the world hey you know that's not what that means right labor day is not you know what i'll let you i'll let you celebrate today share if you wrote in the back of a truck and lived literally the only ones that can share this are the ones that lived nah nah nah nah see have you not heard about facebook for the dead because i sure have i'm using it right now highest grossing films that starred zac efron the greatest showman the lorax neighbors high school musical 3 senior year hairspray 2007 baywatch new year's eve 17 again and a neighbors 2 sorority rising the lorax is not a gross movie it's a very cute one actually with lots of colors and i love colors man drives away from court minutes after judge prohibits him from driving provincial police say they arrested a convicted drunk driver after he allegedly drove away from court five minutes after a judge ordered him not to drive for a year and that's just instinct man can't blame the guy he's all right i guess i'll see you get in the car remembering my dad and the many who served and are currently serving our country thank you for your sacrifice and dedication hey you know it's labor day right today at the fair an actual grown adult woman was asking what they were going to do with all the milk they were getting from the cows she was totally and absolutely perplexed that it was the same milk that makes it to the shelf at the grocery store she also couldn't comprehend the idea of pasteurization someone slept in science class for about five years no one tell her where butter a cheese comes from she'll lose her mind she'll have a breakdown all right what's wrong with your car ma'am oh she's what what is that gonna solve i want your car to blow up i don't know what exact what are you trying to figure out here and that brings us to the end of our slash facepalm and if you like the video leave a like down below and subscribe for more content from mk and as always i'll be seeing you [Applause] [Music]

Channel: EmKay

Views: 2,137,955

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% True stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, reddit stories, ask reddit, funny reddit, emkay, memes

Id: SeYHwRAG0tI

Length: 68min 33sec (4113 seconds)

Published: Mon Dec 13 2021