r/Facepalm | ??

if i get 50 likes by tonight i'll face reveal i might quickly hack that image by zooming in to the right [Music] hello you backstreet boys welcome back to mk my name is jack the slightly blocked nose that smiles back today shin digs are all about palm trees yep we're only talking about the flora on tropical landscapes today except in this case they are faces so they're kind of like palms with faces some would call them face palms amber heard now being paid 33 000 to give talks on domestic violence amber heard is now employed by the harry walker agency and can be hired for 33 000 to give a speech this has got to be an old article surely i mean i hardly follow the news but these people damn they ain't just living under a rock they're living under the earth's core where are you from morocco where is morocco it's in north africa well we always collect money and donations to africa i donated five dollars once so we send you money to get food to eat and you guys spend it on internet okay i'd like to apologize to the harry walker agency you guys aren't that bad you may be living under the earth's core but this person is on an asteroid i am happy to report that i just had a paper rejected partly on the basis of not engaging enough with contemporary feminist scholarship on the issue especially manon garcia's book yes a rather confusing statement though hold on who didn't engage enough with manon garcia's book in their paper oh oh manon garcia this is an author's experience of them losing a look-alike contest if you give one billion to each one on the planet you will be left with 222 billion and also you will stay at the top as richest man on earth would you do it yeah it's you sharing this kind of logic as to why i'm sure he avoids giving his money away so i am an artist someone messaged me saying that they absolutely loved my artwork and wanted me to illustrate an entire children's book for them i gave them a quote of 150 to do the entire book and they promptly replied that my artwork is way overpriced and they were not going to pay an illustrator that much good luck with your book lady okay honestly 150 bucks considering most children's books especially newer ones cost from five to ten dollars that's like 15 sales are you is your book gonna suck that bad that you wouldn't make a profit back i need you tomorrow oh wait oh wait this is a boss oh oh whoops bad context we do yeah i need you tomorrow saturdays are my days off i'll be with my fiance well i'm short and i need you to come in okay is there still a boss i'm getting suspicious with that terminology okay how much am i getting question mark you're short staffed and you need me to work tomorrow we call that expedited for 39.75 i can be there tomorrow for 13 i'll see you on monday are you driving leave them on red stop text stoprecks.org okay why the frick does the camera have a notification why does he have sweet baby ray's barbecue on the decorative shelf this is my precious shelf all things made by man precious to me on here you sauce good good sauce very nice i put precious on shelf very meta nice good the cities in the background are approximately 16 miles apart where's the curve huh please explain this with the circumference of 24 901 miles you are looking at a curvature of around 0.2 degrees or a little more than 10 feet at 16 miles away and may i say that curvature is still significantly higher than your iq rogan said it was weird that fathers would need to take paternity leave meanwhile in the exact same universe the men of this current generation suck it's like they had no good father figures give me time off to raise and bond with my own child what i'm not a woman woman stuck with 3 100 dinner bill after her blind date refused to pay for the 23 family members she brought along well i mean you've got to admit that's really on her schmidt posting instead of working on the game i mean i can stop just please give me a few years to learn programming or level design on a level required for dying light too then another few years to gain the required experience i think in 2026 i will be ready to switch my job from community management to development hey ups your driver left me this package under our doorknob like this and trapped us in our apartment had to call maintenance to get out it has now dawned on me how much i better appreciate a good knob i'm aware of how that sounds but i don't care i love dawg knobs north korea's leader kim jong-un tells citizens to eat less until 2025 to deal with soaring food crisis in the country 40 of civilians are undernourished short of 860 000 tons of food i just want to give props to whoever was able to thoroughly figure out the statistics of those undernourished because i certainly doubt that north korea themselves are actually calculating this all right put a pillow in front of your forehead for this one because you're gonna be slapping your face a lot no one seemed to mention this has anyone actually thought it through if all cars were electrically powered imagine three hours of traffic jam battery flat what are you going to do there is practically no heating in an electric vehicle over extended periods if you were stuck in traffic during the night no battery energy left so no heating is that not the exact same if you have no gasoline in your car call the breakdown services to collect women and children oh wow i didn't realize women were hopeless apparently they can't even get there because the roads are choked some roads might be into that mate don't kink shame oh wait it's 5 30 and i'm just a lonely motorway ramp i hope no one gets into a traffic jam oh when the road is cleared no one can move flat batteries again how is that no different when everyone runs out of gasoline how are the hundreds of thousands of cars going to be recharged it's going to be the same in the summer traffic jams that's going to be perpetual jams with dead batteries but nobody talks about it because we're not idiots more proof that our governments greens and the rest don't think beyond the ends of their noses maybe but at least they don't speak out of the ends of their a-hole this man threw himself on the floor when he was asked to wear a face mask hell yeah buddy you overthrow the government by acting like a five-year-old boy 4 breaks arm trying to float with umbrella while copying fortnite hold on you are now the poster child for all stupid parents to try and justify banning video games i just love that the photographer genuinely made him hold this umbrella like hey remember that stupid thing you did yeah yeah let us pose you doing it again go on yeah great this is a regular car battery wonder what it's going to be like riding in a car full of these or worried about kids in a school bus powered by these yeah they're dangerous with poison what if they explode what if you get the sulfuric acid on you we ride every day in vehicles with gasoline lull no but gasoline good gasoline make broom broom go fast and break down bad no power electricity gone no recharge how fakes women and children fictional character michael myers criticized for allegedly being homophobic due to the killing of gay characters in halloween kills society imagine thinking your role as a mighty character on tng makes you some amazing and powerful celebrity you're just this generation's george takei you're just this generation's joystick it's decay and this is not the insult you think it is hello baby girl uh i'm a man so you are the gay no but you message me so you are the gay you messaged me first oh yeah freak you hey guys if you spent a large amount of money for a baby shower gift specific gift that was asked for and the baby didn't make it would you want your money back how long should you wait to mention it wow according to the original answer the baby died a week later and already they are trying to inquire about when to get their money back omg no that is probably one of the most classless gross questions ever the family is dealing with the death of a child and you're worried about your gift yeah look when you gift something you lose all right and ownership over it regardless of monetary value otherwise you never gave them a gift you gave them a loan if a man is not making an effort to impress you on a first date he never will so yeah no coffee and walk in the park for me if you're not willing to go on a free cheat date walk coffee etc why even go out with that guy in the first place you're looking for someone who's company you can enjoy in any situation where it doesn't matter what you do as long as you do it together girlfriend texted this pic asking if they are hdmi cables uh i don't get it are they seriously do you not see the giant letters on the chord i i feel like i'm taking crazy pills here hipster gets mad his photo was used an article about how all hipsters look alike then finds out it wasn't him meanwhile on next door two boys kissing near publix hi i saw two boys who appeared to be around 18 to 19 kissing by the publix can i contact the police over this it made me uncomfortable and i know it made other people see more no i don't think i will bye woman feels discriminated by kfc over lack of meat-free options finally someone who relates to my pain when i go to a makeup store where's the purely men i'll huh i'm forced to scavenge through the more feminine products ah actually we have a corner of the store here that's tailored for men only so and kfc sells chips for those who don't eat meat it's not good enough i demand an entire reform for me i can completely sympathize the other day i went to world of carpet to buy a new telescope but was astounded and disgusted at the complete lack of optical equipment it's almost as if they purposely set out to satisfy the needs of carpet buyers but deliberately snubbed those who weren't utter madness oh wow that didn't even make it to 10 minutes at least you got the photo after seeing half a country actively reject wearing a mask during a pandemic i would like to apologize to the filmmakers of every horror movie ever made for calling their characters unbelievably dumb for going into the murder basement yeah if there's one thing a pandemic exposes is that you now know a lot of people you should not trust with hiding their zombie bites welcome to our current reality where we need this on a pizza box we're not going to make it are we on the bright side people with this level of iq usually get natural selections anyway i i've been trying to eat healthy so i switched to plant-based popcorn wow either they're jumping onto a marketing gimmick or subtly exposing the horrifying truth that is normal popcorn do you realize that doxing is a crime please show me the law here is literally the law i'm not reading that god damn it how can we arrest him if he doesn't read the law it's the perfect crime he's too illiterate to know he's doing a crime i'm like a boy and here's why i'm the best boyfriend ever because i make social media posts that say she ain't the prettiest but she's loyal like damn dude giving toxic women there a taste of their own reflection i see how the animal skeleton looks like how scientists would recreate the animal the animal this really both astounds and horrifies me as to what the true reality of dinosaurs and such could actually look like like whatever triceratops actually had giant fluffy ears okay you know what i'd actually love that so it proves there is god god exists and those who think science is everything needs to seek no it just proves that science isn't afraid to admit when it's wrong or faulty unlike religion leon lederman an experimental physicist who studied subatomic particles has died at 96 after selling his nobel prize for 765 000 at an auction to help pay medical bills ah yes the american dream winning a nobel prize and then having to sell it to pay your medical bills seriously i ask out of genuine concern why does anyone still live there i mean walking around without some constant set of armor to protect you from any injury my wife walked up to the server at our local cafe the person was possibly transgender she wanted to engage the individual but was frozen in fear that she might use a pronoun that might offend therein lies the problem with this language policing it takes the perfectly natural social situations and in the quest to not offend an extraordinary small minority who of course deserve to live fully dignified lives like anyone else okay everyone is walking on egg shelves what shelves fighting for a world free of bigotry does not imply that we must suppress perfectly natural categorization mechanisms that are built into our brains and our languages i can be free of bigotry without being compelled to celebrate your unique personhood i'm getting closer to putting everything behind a subscription wall okay just one criticism towards this whole point why would you use a pronoun speaking directly to someone hello she being how are you at a statue of jesus in india had water mysteriously dripping from its toes worshipers would collect and sometimes drink it the source of the water was later found to be a clogged toilet near the statue oh the funniest argument i hear against texting the mega rich is that it'll make them stop entrepreneuring or innovating or whatever as if any person ever has thought well i'd ordinarily make 500 million a year but with this new tax i'll only make 400 million so i'll just quit and make zero very good point that's unlike even if they did just drop everything and leave there are many more people willing to jump at the chance to fill in that other big business's spot friend has been complaining about finding an avocado on his lawn every day for weeks now why would someone keep throwing avocados in his yard who would do that you guys he just realized he has an avocado tree how do you block fact checkers i'm so sick of this poop popping up on everything how about posting the truth mind blown star wars 10 ways anakin skywalker is actually a villain oh screen rant maybe just start consolidating all your funds and money into pitch meetings ladies and gentlemen just look at this face clearly this is a man who knows everything about what he's about to say there are no nerve endings at the top of the vaginal canal so when women say size matters they haven't been properly educated and just go by word of mouth from others again he clearly knows everything he's talking about god's word final infallible and forever at revised edition sure buddy here's me with some guns it is endlessly hilarious to me that people like this believe it's impressive to pose with guns like you bought them like i buy groceries imagine posing with a bunch of sliced ham and mayo and being like this is my identity look at me look at my identity i can make sandwiches that look fair point valid but a better fair point foods aren't weapons they're not as cool as guns imagine thinking groceries and guns are the same now i do have to slightly disagree though come taste some of my food and i'll assure you that it could be classed as biological warfare weaponry of course it's not as appealing to pose with a photo of malty bread hello my name's ibrahim and i'm from afghanistan i'm part of al-qaeda and on june 1st i'm gonna do something really big bye hello sarah we take these threats very seriously your ip address and details will be forwarded to security and the fbi oh my freaking god i was kidding i'm so sorry i'm scared now i was joking it was my friend not me take her ib address not mine i was kidding please don't i'm just a girl please and i'm not from afghanistan oh queen you did not slay it today you're telling me this schmidt doesn't look fake as frick well rumor has it that neil armstrong and buzz aldrin agreed to fake the moon landing but to make the footage look as authentic as possible they urged nasa to film it on location and nasa agreed oh so true king health experts are often freaking morons i say this as a health expert you called yourself a [ __ ] is he a [ __ ] or did you just get whooshed imagine being bill gates right now you spent 30 years of your life and 50 billion dollars of your own money supporting humanitarian causes you directly save hundreds of thousands of lives in southeast asia by providing anti-malaria netting to half of a continent you drop infant mortality rates throughout the entire developing world by funding vaccine programs including vaccinating 40 million children for polio and amongst a plethora of philanthropic endeavors you fund free educational platforms like khan academy so people can have free access to high quality education then after donating half of your wealth to charity and pledging 90 of the remainder to charity in your will arguably doing more to better life on earth for humanity than any other human being to ever live you hop on the internet only to find a million scientifically illiterate freaking imbeciles that are using the very computers you pretty much invented in the first place to call you a child-murdering arch-villain antichrist because they watched a youtube video made by some other yokel with the comprehension of a freaking potato considering he achieved all these things and did them without any overreaching effort to get publicists and such to be constantly documenting him doing these things i'd say he couldn't care less about the stupidity of people on the internet right rigged wiggity i absolutely don't want to live in this nation where our great president blank is getting robbed this is absolutely the final straw my kids are in danger and i won't live in this nation another day i'm moving to alaska and finally leaving the usa oh oh let him do it just let him do it guys just it'll be funny this way i think the scariest part of having triplets is being pregnant for 27 months devin you are not an elephant i'm not well my friends you've just made it to the fan art corner oh we today's beautiful work we shall be shouting out is out does that hurt what i had to go and how did they go oh god it's that zombie argentinosaurus from primal yeah well done i ah i see your username now it's yup you're constantly asking this guy if he's okay thank you for that disturbing artwork ouch does that hurt and of course if you'd like to see your fan art in the next video then you can get it highlighted by posting your beautiful stuff in the mk subreddit for now though that is the end of today's shindigs i hope you had some fun made some friends along the way if you achieved that or if you didn't achieve that you should like this video to show your love smack that subscribe button too give a little spanking show it who's boss but anyway with that said my name's been jack feel free to say hello to me by the link in the description below you have been a lovely person to ramble with today and i will see you next time bye

Channel: EmKay

Views: 717,321

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% True stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, reddit stories, ask reddit, funny reddit, emkay, memes, r/Facepalm

Id: An9STTyzBAU

Length: 19min 20sec (1160 seconds)

Published: Tue Nov 23 2021