Too Hot To Handle: The Worst Dating Show On Netflix

yeah sweaty boy hot and sweaty knees weak arms are heavy Netflix what was once a bastion of original content that offered respite to viewers and creators alike from the tropes of traditional media is now traditional media you know how the saying goes you either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become a dating show why take the risk of creating high quality programming when you could just get views that's a good question actually as a matter of fact this video is now about five minute crafts just kidding but like kind of today we're talking about too hot to handle a dating show with a twist I'm sorry what's that they all have twists see we'll all be a few weeks ago I talked about love is blind which is another dating show with a twist where people get engaged without seeing each other that's crazy really captivated the masses for a second there now the masses have moved on to too hot to handle which takes another page out of Netflix's dating show madly by preventing its contestants from using a different one of the five senses the their sense of touch sexually anyway no kissing oh six okay because they have to be running out of senses to remove from dating shows at this point right like tune in next summer for Flavor of Love I'm sorry that's that's already a show and it has nothing to do with taste missed opportunity if you ask me how about love is stinky coming in summer 2021 10 singles who rely on their sense of smell forced to live on a trash island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean where their olfactory senses that's gunk is gonna do what when they find loved about their noses to guide them I want to smooth but is that garlic or will they're useless eyes and ears lead them astray normally I use my pheromones to attract a mate but now it's more like fish find out next summer if love is stinky excited for that but I guess in the meantime we can talk about too hot to handle I mean I prepared this whole video and everything apparently the people at too hot to handle auditions three thousand people to be on the show which is cool because they picked B ten horniest people on planet earth our sexy Singleton's are hot horny and completely clueless these sexy little baby dolls think they're on a normal dating show but no they think they're gonna spend their whole summer on a beach and get tons of Instagram followers well news flash people reality check this just in they are but they can't kiss so it's hard they want a canoodle they want to snog they want to knock boots but if you do that it's gonna cost ya cuz there's a hundred thousand dollar bounty for the city slicker that could make it out of this rodeo alas there's nothing Western about the show I just became a cowboy for a second there I don't know Mandy the actual premise of the show is pretty unclear to be honest they don't really give the rules there is a one hundred thousand dollar prize but it's not clear if that's a word it to one person multiple people a couple whatever all they really tell us is that it will be awarded to the people who show the most growth on this challenge which isn't even true give this whole spiel about how dating apps have made it difficult to build genuine relationships it's hooking up is this easy swiping right which seems like what every dating show is saying in 2020 like they said the same thing and love is blind your value is often judged solely by the photo on your dating app I guess the Netflix just really hates dating apps the question is in a world without sex will they form deeper and more mean connections so the show is pretty heavy-handed with its premise leans a lot into the fact that it's contestants or commitment-phobic 3 through relationships only care about sex and apparently have never had a genuine connection in their lives I have sex every day and it's never with the same girl I still don't believe these are real people I feel like the producers are behind the scenes telling them to say this [ __ ] what I'm most proud of is my penis that's the thing you're most proud of you would think you choose I don't know something you have control over or something you worked for that you've accomplished but hey I don't know maybe he was born with it maybe it's mabeline hi crackpot conspiracy theories so they could make it seem like they grew a lot by the end of the show when in reality they were probably just normal people to begin with anyway the start of the show is like these horn dogs arrive on the beach and for 12 hours they are not told about the rules of the show so they're like holy moly I'm gonna do some Bonin this summer but uh-uh-uh we're told about the twist and it's revealed that the show is hosted by an artificial intelligence / air freshener named Lana I'm not it Lana's not gonna let these cool kids get away with anything and she has eyes everywhere thanks to her state-of-the-art military-grade surveillance technology and definitely not the reality TV camera crew that is filming the contestants at all times of the day nope it's it's definitely Lana Lana we'll be watching our horny guests in the wild and she will be secretly gathering personal data before she lays down the sex ban personal data they make it sound like Lana is gonna steal their identity you don't have to like secretly find out information about them they they gave you all their information when they auditioned for the show so other than being hosted by a wish calm Alexa hi the show has another disembodied voice it's narrator who serves to pretend to be our friend and crack wise at the contestants expense I lifted Chloe this morning and I'm thinking hashtag glowy gross price unfollowed hashtag no we if you've seen the circle it's exactly like that disembodied voice because they're both a part of Netflix's reality show starter kit which means they stole it from love I like boiler alert by the way I'm gonna say whether or not things were too hot to handle because I don't think it matters and I'm making this video for me but don't worry you're still gonna want to watch it I think so so don't worry about that the show begins with our contestants arriving at the beach which is in Mexico by the way I don't think it's mentioned in the show itself because nothing is the show tells you nothing first off we've got Chloe who is British and 20 years old so I'm like yeah of course she's a commitment phobic Swiper or whatever the like she's barely out of high school the other thing about the show and a lot of reality shows is if they reduce someone to like one singular trait or characteristic and Chloe's is that she's dumb I'm not the brightest spark and in the book it's something that's regularly mentioned in the show by both the narrator and Chloe and they edit every scene she's in to make her look dumb as hell actually not that small i jus mentioned that other contestants say dumb stuff all the time so word when you like get like a sign of like hope the loophole but when Chloe says it that's Chloe silly Chloe her brain is broken though he's not alone for long though because coming up right now is our next contestant Charan it's spelled like Sheeran bull with an extra R so it's wrong I'm sure I bought it with Geron singlet rate is that he's a feminist I'm a feminist yes just kidding he has a giant shlong remember penis I give the man some credit he studied Women and Gender Studies for all the wrong reasons if you really pay attention you kind of get the blueprint to how to pick a woman anyway there's more talk about how big his Johnson is no relation I have this picture measured next to an air freshener tuning what exactly is this supposed to accomplish why is he wisey spring Febreze while talking about his penis it looks like he just took a poopoo Chiron in comes Haley a sorority girl from Florida here we singular trait is that she sucks she's mean and she hates everyone and everything it's great I hate it I still don't like these people anything I'm glad they know I [ __ ] him over so they'll stop bothering me and stop talking to me actually though Haley has a bonus trait where she has a tattoo on her back in a language he doesn't know oh and she's still in college so she's also really young but oh so commitment-phobic come on Haley you're white 21 you should totally be married by now what are you doing lady thank god Lana found you girl looks just like me I'm so into that and you'll kiss girls as long as they look like you well sign me up for some auto insurance because this show is progressive I don't have the driver's license as you can see no one is wearing clothes because they're at the beach I guess though they never entered the water and do they make fun of Matthew because he is the only one wearing clothes sitting at home this guy's like totally chill so chill in fact that he's dressed for winter not the winner he's in a t-shirt this is just my swag man next up is Harry who is Australian and annoying his trait is that he really wants a catchphrase Thank You Lana you know any little possum who sucks IBM like Kourtney Kardashian Kendall I hit it with the hello my little butter chicken I think I'm quite cheeky and I'm a bit of a cockatoo we just say one word like super loud at a bar crikey and then boom girls come over like let's go let's go guys in front you say crikey at the club rocky and then girls come over and you invite them to brunch ladies why don't we meet at tomorrow at 11 a.m. for some huevos rancheros also there's David the sensitive soft boy next door who's chiseled out of stone how do you describe the princess with British gentlemen yeah there's a lot of people on this show Nicole is there too she's Irish and there's Kells who likes working out clearly and puts how many people he's been with in terms of how much he's played FIFA I'll fate be for more time stuff stuff it goes fine which is something that we don't know as the audience I don't know how much FIFA you've played kills is it a lot of our little is less than a thousand shells is the accountant on the show I'm the rule breaker so he doesn't have any background in accounting but it's a nickname given to him because he cares about not losing money which you would think is you think everyone would want to win the prize there's Rhonda and Rhonda's intro is quite boring I would rate myself I'd say attitude but I know for a fact that she's not boring based on details that are revealed later in the show so I'm just saying that now so that we can come back to this later and be really confused this hottie with a body is Francesca and she's the Kardashian of the group except for she's Canadian and that's the only difference I found usually people get on the show to gain a following on Instagram but Francesca already has 300,000 Instagram followers and it's an Instagram model I have three hundred and ten thousand followers right now so they're wasting no time last but not least we have Matthew who is the black sheep of the group because he's unlike the rest of the contestants in almost every single way for starters he's wearing clothes on the beach I love the commitment to the look in this heat you're wearing a veil which everyone makes fun of him for is it like a religious thing or so everyone on the show it's cocky sometimes literally but Matthew likes to flex his spiritual superiority over the group I am a deep thinker I think about everything a lot based on the way he looks and talks everyone calls him Jesus from like the first I don't know minute he's on screen me he kind of seems like a bad actor playing a hippie and a Geico commercial none of the elements of his character add up exactly he was on America's Next Top Model for chrissakes for for Jesus Christ's sakes don't worry about Matthew being better than everyone else in the group because he also sucks I've often joked about like spreading my seed and just kind of rolling the dice of my genetic build with different women and races around the world if these people seem like cartoons and caricatures it's probably because this show is based on an episode of Seinfeld too hot to handle claims to have the goal of determining if abstaining from sexual contact makes it easier to build meaningful relationships or well the temptation be too hot to handle that's like that's like the premise and stuff so how did they do to people form meaningful relationships kinda is the temptation too hot to handle also yes in fact I would argue that the show didn't know where it's going it feels like they came up with the premise of the show by spinning a giant wheel of netflix reality show ideas and just stopped there the pacing is all over the place and concepts and rules are introduced at seemingly random times considering the show is only eight episodes long as an audience member I just felt disoriented as to what was going on so I was forced to focus on the pretty people making kissy Kissy the main driving force behind too hot to handle is the relationship between Harry and Francesca maybe they drive the show because their two naughty little possums we just can't get enough of I'm a rule breaker Francesca's a naughty little possum maybe they take the rules of the show and drop a big steamy Dookie on them now that's what I call too hot to handle whenever there's drama of any sort on the show it's safe to say that these two lovebirds are involved somehow Harry and Francesca are the first to break the rules the morning after learning about the rules I think so at least it's never cleared the show how much time has passed no one knew how much this kiss was gonna cost everyone but also no one ever really learns how the prize works which is kind of a major problem in general if that's something that we're supposed to care about as soon as the rest of the group finds out that Harry and Francesca cost them three thousand dollars for a single harry takes the opportunity to throw Francesca under the bus immediately Lucas - huh cuz she said frankly to shoot he said I kissed him yeah ladies first I guess it may say chivalry is dead I'm gonna kiss you and then it's gonna be on and no one will not to get back at that little Australian Shepherd Francesca launches an evil plot to waste even more money because everyone is mad about the money they lost so the way to make it better is to lose more of it it's basic arithmetic I would love if we lost everyone Haley eerily used to Francesca's plan despite the fact that they do not look alike and that was supposed to be a problem for her Wow our contestants are growing so much already to keep the growth going for everyone in the rest of the house besides Haley they hold these workshops that are like supposed to aid the contestants in their personal journey but don't get it twisted they're sexy the first one is a shabari workshop which is a Japanese form of bondage which I can only assume helps people bond anyway Harry and Francesca are paired up and they're not on the best of terms well right now if you're not feeling it but eventually Francesca is able to release some of her frustration by tying Harry up like the naughty little possum he is workshop success also kills tied up Hayley and started carrying her around like luggage and that's bonding there's definitely an aura and energy and a pony frustrated tension in this place I'm starting to look at the fish how long has it been exactly these in weeks in the show passed like seconds and minutes because that's how television works but we're given no other clues as to how much time has passed so it's impossible to relate to the characters about what they're feeling I'm not gonna lie I like this weird tingling sensation downstairs and I'm like oh come on calm down big guy I have a sneaking suspicion that the producers don't want you to know that they only filmed for a month so that you just assumed they were there for longer I'm sure there's a lot of people who would not find it difficult to abstain from sex for a month but sex and love addiction is a real thing that real people struggle with and would be a totally valid and interesting conversation to have but the show is not interested in having it instead Chloe gives us this Jim this whole experience it's like so deep we're in sexual rehabilitation yeah yeah without mine yeah Chloe gets it down open your third eye I just want to hear Chloe describe other things in terms of sexual rehabilitation this whole dinner is like so deep man it's like women sexual rehabilitation but without mouth Terry and Francesca are not the only ones finding love in paradise Sharon and Rhonda are also hitting it off these two sexy Singleton's get off to a hot and heavy start but Sharon is a bit of a guy's guy oh my god not that we earn name but sex is like brushing teeth you can't talk about feelings it's just not what guys do Charan is not able to open up I don't know if he's necessarily going to be the one that I want him to be until David and his action figure looking ass come onto the scene he shows Rhonda that men can be sensitive to buy a moding all over Rhonda he'd like cries and stuff what can I say we stand an emotionally vulnerable cage Sharon gets jealous because Rhonda takes the David sensitivity and so he goes over to David to be like WTF man bro code and stuff obviously you're sneaking me and then david tyll sure on that if he listens to the feelings in his abs David will back off and Chiron is allowed to be the partner that Rhonda deserves and Chiron listens to David when he tells him to open up because David is a man so they squash the beef and do what all bros do when they resolve a conflict and celebrate a mutual erection Chiron and Rhonda stick together for the remainder of the show but not before racking up a sixteen thousand dollar bill for some easily forgivable hanky-panky we've lost money but on the flip side I've seen massive growth from a boys run claps for you buddy why did you no one seemed to care about lose money and get it there forming a connection but like it was too hot to handle they failed that they failed the test is a third episode this guy shows up and he sucks but he's the ladies man allegedly last time I had sex was at the hotel last night I mean no you not to judge you didn't want to settle into your hotel first I'm sure the flight was long but okay Brice looks like if boat shoes made love to a tanning bed I probably on sex every day none of this feels real you know the people are so unbelievably confident in the show that it makes it seem like the producers are making them say B's thinks I am a sex icon so Brice is kind of a bad musician gang kid but the ladies love him supposedly no one on the show loves him but I presume outside of the show he could get with any lady he wants meanwhile in main character land Francesca hasn't completely forgiven Harry so she kicks off a little flirt session with Kells the self-described accountant slash lion of the group almost cares about money and rules which makes him unique in this group this accountant is not gonna have been bested any funds after a few hot and heavy moments he manages to avoid a kiss from Francesca and she is pissed cuz apparently she's never experienced rejection before we have Israel who still kiss another time what after a little flirt with cows francesca decides that her heart is still with Harry so she lets down kills easy I think we should just take a step back and like stay friends for now and he just goes back to lifting weights for the rest of the season cool what kind of work enough Francesca goes back to Harry and apologizes for dating Kells it tells Harry that she wants to be with him I really don't think that I've been able to like get you out of my head Harry manages to not apologize again for throwing Francesca under the bus and if they're gonna be together Harry has some demands number one I want you to give me a hundred and ten percent number to communicate with me and number three I don't want to break the rules most important of which is that he doesn't want to break the rules anymore so Harry and Francesca get back together and they break the rules again Lana isn't the place to clear by now that Francesca loves Harry I trust Harry with my life I've never trusted someone so much you trust it with your life you lied in through your name letter the buzz on day one but what do I know they're the only couple from the show who's still together but who doesn't love Harry or anyone else for that matter is Hayley remember Hayley me neither she was Francesca's kissing partner at the beginning of the show and since then all she's done is hate on everything so Lana has had enough and kicks her to the curb but we don't find out when this happens instead we find out in the form of a flashback for some reason yeah Nick today oh yeah forgot to mention you know Hayley kind of reminds you of this well I can't for the life of me figure out why they edited this the way that they did they couldn't have started the episode with Hayley getting kicked off but instead they had this whole sequence where the narrator pretends that they didn't have enough time to show us one of the main characters getting eliminated I was too wrapped up with Harry and Francesca to tell you which one made me make sense that this was like a reality show that shot week to week and was like edited very quickly but this is a Netflix show that shot in its entirety last year and also they're in complete control of how long the episodes are which brings me to the next point I want to talk about which is the weird editing and production choices in this show editing in the show is random as hell sometimes sections of the show start with no setup or context like Chiron and Rhonda just being on a boat for some reason apparently on a date but like we're not told why they're on a boat like pretty much every reality show they have talking head sequences where like the contestants look into the camera and tell us you know what's going on in their heads but in this show they like leave the clip running after they've already said their thing and then they're just kind of like sitting there doing nothing or like someone's talking to them off-screen or something and they make a weird face while the narrator's like [ __ ] on them with the joke Harry from Australia and I literally have no idea where that is Coast has a beautiful accent I can't really understand him we're the Zeta ladies and we don't know geography there's also a lot of b-roll of the people on the show like partying and looking into the camera and like being sexy and stuff which is fine but it just makes the whole thing feel less genuine which is saying something for a reality show like I feel like they filmed this show and realize they didn't have like a strong structure to it so they just like kind of forced it in post and the narrator has this tone that makes them seem like they're your friend or that you're watching the show with them but it ends up being so over produced that it feels manipulated also the narrator only ever makes the contestants look really bad 9:1 what's the number for 911 mmm pretty sure it's 9-1-1 which feels weird because it's like hey narrator you are also a part of the show you don't get to like you don't get to rag on it that's that's my job anyway so Haley leaves and they bring in three new people to take her place and by the way it's Episode six of eight so like how invested could we possibly get in these new people there's Lydia I love sex it makes me feel good cool Lydia thanks for sharing Cory is beautiful but dumb as bricks Horace was I mean and there's Madison who Matthew tries to get with but despite all his big talk about his swag and how much he wants to spread his seed around he has absolutely no game there's a saying I use it says a bird can't fly if it's holding on to a brain so like really the real test is being able to let go so Matthew then leaves and coriander Sun are randomly eliminated right before the end of the show Madison Oh Madison leave it no see not coming she was just that when she go what was she really doing Cory by the way we never learned the criteria for eliminating someone it just happens with absolutely no explanation so Lana's reasoning I I still can't believe I'm personifying a traffic cone the explanation they do give for kicking off Cory and Madison is that they didn't grow enough while they were in the show I have observed that not all of you have invested in the process equally no [ __ ] you gave them 1/4 of the time as every other contestant Cory barely had enough time to learn what chivalrous means didn't see that one coming did you I guess chivalry is dead okay so we're basically at the end of the show now what am i leaving out Oh Rhonda has a son I'm ready to talk to Chiron about my son you heard me right folks Rhonda who they introduced with this lazy-ass intro a nice book and also spent seven episodes telling Chiron to open up and share more about himself was hiding a child you are hiding a child so we're at the end of the show and there's $50,000 remaining in the prize pool and most of that money was lost by Francesca and Harry this is the most serious rule break so far and will therefore incur a heavy punishment to fine for this indiscretion is 20,000 Donuts so Lana gives them one final challenge to win back half of the money that they lost by spending a night together and not doing it and they do it we're sorry they don't do it they succeed at their goal of not doing it they they don't have sex they they didn't have sex good job guys so with $75,000 in the pot it's time to decide the winners and drum roll please it's everybody everybody wins everybody wins the money you are all winners why does everyone win it what lesson is that like what does that say is everybody win $75,000 uh uh they split it congratulations you never have to work again the 75 grand amongst like eleven people or like ten people or something I did the math and it's uh it works out to like sixteen dollars an hour so you know hey it's that's something but hey they're not doing it for the money they're gonna for the Instagram followers and Cheska came on the show with 300,000 followers and now she's up to three million followers that's crazy M Brice has 300,000 followers I guess everyone did win why does everyone win the show like every like they Kel's didn't like hold back and restrain himself for the entire season losing not a single dime to have the same result as Francesca who is leaving the show with the same amount of money and a long-term relationship hi I'm Francesca in the room program that would die to finish nah I'm paying for a room I don't even get to you it's almost as if you're rewarded for taking all the resources that are supposed to be for the group and using them for yourself you know like not to get to like game theory on you but this is like a zero-sum game no like they all they you have a hundred thousand dollars which is like the relationship points that you could use to have a physical connection with somebody and the people who used those points are the people who left with the physical connection nobody who didn't touch on the show left in a relationship your actions affect the experience of the whole group so like by indulging in your own physical temptation you're taking away that opportunity for other people meanwhile Khloe and David are forced to kiss a strawberry but in the end they're applauded for their restraint and everyone is the winner no I'm pretty sure it's Harriet Francesca everyone else got $7,000 consolation prize and fewer Instagram followers listen here I guess is to not share things nope hog it all for yourself and you'll win the show really like Pat's itself on the back for the growth these people have gone through but like how much can really happen in a month you know how to belittle it but like they really do treat it like these people are changed forever I definitely know that I'm gonna be the new Lana for all my friends that I'm gonna be preaching these weird things to them and I'm literally mother Teresa and I'm gonna spread my knowledge to the world and maybe they are but like it was like what for workshops so this show is bad and that's fine trash TV is fine it's the thing apocalypse guys we're all just goofin here I had fun watching it and I also had fun making fun of it in fact it seems like it was made to be made fun of so I'm just doing my part goodbye thanks to Ayesha Kazi for sending a message on Instagram I have no idea if I'm saying that right if you owe me a bunch of your name Simmi message on Twitter Asia said she's gonna cry it fizzes in one of my videos and I had to include it because I love making people cry

Channel: Jarvis Johnson

Views: 1,631,455

Rating: 4.9547358 out of 5

Keywords: jarvis, jarvis johnson, comedy

Id: 1GSm-ek6yPs

Length: 31min 3sec (1863 seconds)

Published: Wed May 13 2020

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[u/Zaniak88]

Fun fact: Jarvis is actually binge watching these and is making these dating show videos because its the only thing he's done "research" on