Do what you do, God. Stir us up. It says don't forsake the assembling together
of the saints. Don't forsake the assembling together. Because all the more we see the day approaching
But it's never about assembling together to pray that Jesus rescue us out of here. It's never about getting together. We see the day approaching. But it's never about praying, gathering people
together so that we can get rescued. The rapture's not a rescue mission; it's a
pickup for a wedding date. Listen. You did not get saved to just escape. It's not an escape thing. The gospel sets you free from you. So you can finally find life. The gospel sets you free from you
So that you can finally be who God created you to be. I mean, it's all God's asking you to do, for
real. All God's asking you to do is give up something
you were never created to be. Because he never created you for you; he created
you for him. So all he's asking you to do is give that
up. What you were never created for so that you
could finally become who he says you are. It's not complicated. If it was, I couldn't get it. Take it from the drug addict. I was a drug addict and an atheist for a long,
long time, man. For those of you that don't know,
drug addiction, atheism, anger, and hatred. Raised in a boys' home when I was young. Started using at 12. Some of you have heard it. I'm just going to recap. I love it because the testimony is the reality
of what enables people to see that God can do it in
one, he can do it in me. Because the word testimony means do it again,
God. Here I am, God. Do it again. You did it in him, do it in me. I didn't go to Bible school. I never read a book my whole life. For 34 years, I couldn't read. I had a reading disorder. So every time I read, I would forget. So why read anything? Because I couldn't remember anything. And so at 12 years old, full on drug addiction
in a boys' home. Grew up by the Masons raising me. Got arrested a year later. Running, man, running; trying to fix my life. No running fixed my life. I was running away and avoiding problems. You can't avoid problems. You need to see who you are and hit that thing,
man. And watch Jesus manifest himself. We can't fear. We can't be afraid. God didn't give us a spirit of fear. He gave us a spirit of love and power and
a sound mind. You have to understand that it's love and
power but without the sound mind, you'll blow up
stuff. It's about a sound mind; it's about being
renewed in the spirit of your mind. It's about that warrior thing that's on your
nation. There's a warrior thing on the nation of New
Zealand. It's a warrior. But we can't afford to get it confused. See, I grew up a warrior, too. Same kind of mentality. And here's what it was. Don't disrespect me. Don't dishonor me. If I need you to honor me, I will dishonor
my father. If I need you to respect me, then I will automatically
do things to gain your respect at the cost of
truth that sets men free. We need to be very careful to understand the
leaven that we carry. Jesus told the disciples beware of the leaven
of the Pharisees. They were the leaven. Be wary. They're like, man, we forgot bread. And Jesus had just multiplied bread. We forgot bread; what are we going to do? The leaven of Herod. The leaven of the Pharisees. It's a religious leaven. It never fixes anything. The leaven of Herod is a political leaven. It never fixes anything. It's trying to look good in front of people
at the cost of others. It's trying to look good to gain respect and
try to gain honor from people. It's about making someone else look bad so
you look good. My whole life I lived that way. I was a survivalist. I was that guy. Angry, bitter, mad. Don't "dis" me, man. Took karate so I could whoop up on people. Because I was tired of being pushed around. Don't disrespect, don't dishonor me. And we can't afford to let that thing to slip
into the culture of real honor. To the culture of the Lord. It's different. It's a kingdom culture. It's not about you receiving honor from people. God forbid you give yourself to God and all
of a sudden you don't find that somebody doesn't give you "props"
And somebody doesn't honor you and respect you. And say you're in a ministry position. Sometimes people pull away and they go from
church to church to church to try to find somebody that's going to notice their gift. It's not about people noticing your gift. It's about you knowing you've been noticed
by your father. It's about you living in the reality of the
notice of heaven. It's about knowing what God says about you. It's never living by what people think about
you. Or what you presume they think about you. I lived that way my whole life. Man, they're looking at me wrong. What are you thinking, man? You stink-eyeing me? All that junk, man! All that trash! It's trash! And then we bring it into the gospel and we
call it Christianity. It's not Christianity. It's twisted. It's demonic. It's set up to kill you. It's set up to ruin your life and to keep
you "woe is me." It's not "woe is me." Man, it's "oh, Him, yay, ah, yes, God!" For real? You love me? No. I don't deserve it. I know. If you want, want you to deserve, go to hell. Because I'm not a scholar. I did not do well. I was the least likely to succeed in school. I was the black sheep, the black cloud. The one labeled the one that will never make
it. People in my school find out that I'm a preacher. They're like, that's not the Todd that I know. And they're right. Because this thing is brand new. This thing is not just brand new when I got
saved. This thing is brand new every day when I wake
up. See, it's every day I'm in love with God. I've got a daisy that says he loves me, he
loves, he loves me, he loves, he loves me And he loves me. And I live that way, and I've been possessed
by the love of God since I've gotten saved. But I got saved so good. Like, radical! Like, I was lost and then I was found. I was blind, and now I see. I was dead, and now I live. It's like it's totally opposite. There is no gray area. There is no little in between. Luke warm is the dangerous place. Come on, if you're cold, God can flip you
like a light switch. Boom! And turn you on fire! And you burn. You burn with passionate love. With the passionate love of God. There is no so-so. Passive Christianity is damaging. And you don't have to go and preach on the
street corner. All you have to do is what the gospel said. It doesn't say deny the devil, pick up your
cross, and follow him. Thank God. It says deny yourself. Self is the problem. Selfishness. Self seeking, self preservation, self boundaries. I can't let them in because they might hurt
me. Come on, that's not the gospel at all. If anyone had the right to be hurt, it would
have been our king. Hanging on the cross. Ripped to shreds. If anybody had the right to have the attitude,
it would have been him. Can you picture it? Jesus hanging on a tree. He says, "That's it. Forget it, God, I am not dying for them. No way. They don't love you. They're selfish. I'm out of here." That's not Jesus. No, sir. That's not my J.
That's not the one that I bow to. That's not the one that I will live and breathe
every day to give honor to my king. Every day, I'll give my life to this gospel
because I already gave it. One day I'm going to put off this tent and
it's going to be taken. This tent. I'm going to go straight to him. To live is Christ and to die is gain. Literally, the fear of death is crushed in
the gospel. It's crushed. You can never kill me; I'm eternal. I talk to people everywhere I go. People are like, well, you're an evangelist. No, I just love Jesus. That's evangelism. We boiled this thing down and make it like
it's your call. You're an evangelist. I'm not like that. I don't talk to people. What? If you got swallowed up by the love of God,
you'd be real happy about it. So you'd tell everybody about it. You wouldn't just come to church to celebrate
him. You would celebrate him every day everywhere
you go. And people would know you're a Christian. I'm not saying you have to stand like I said. You don't have to stand on your desk at your
office and say, Listen, everybody! I mean that's cool, too. But you don't have to do that. It's about knowing whom you serve. It's about knowing whom is with you every
day. It's about knowing greater is he that is in
me than he that's in the world. It's about knowing that: and if our God is
for us, then who can stand against us? Come on. Who could ever stop us? Who could stand against us? Jesus paid a price to set us free from us. People, you know, people say to me, you're
the real deal. I understand. I praise my Lord. They say, Todd, you're the real deal. I'm like, we all can be the real deal. We all just haven't given up. We all just haven't said that's it, dude. I'm in. I pushed my chips to the center of the table. It's on. And I am not taking anything out. I'm in. The Bible says to offer your body as a living
sacrifice. Holy and acceptable to God, which is your
only reasonable service. Pleasing service. So all God is pleased with is: You say, yes! You offer everything you are to him. You get up on the altar as the living sacrifice. Here I am, King. Show me who I am. Show me who I am because if you show me, I
will run with you. I will not grow weary. I will run. I am not afraid. The fear of death has been crushed. Jesus has keys. The keys to hell, death, and the grave. See, I don't come up with sermons. I preach my life. Because this is the only way I see. And I believe it's the only thing that's in
the whole gospel. It's all about Jesus. Heaven and SERVE. Jesus is heaven's final answer. There will not be another answer. It is Jesus. It's Jesus! Jesus is heaven's answer. I got kicked out of the Marine Corps, you
know. Bad conduct discharge. Right now at this point, I have $14,000 in
court costs and fines to pay back. And I'm a drug addict. That doesn't work out well. So I'm not paying my fine. I'm getting arrested. I'm getting taken to jail. All that junk. I meet this girl. I'm like, yes! Mine. Because it's the nature of selfishness. It's like those birds on Nemo. Mine, mine, mine, mine. It's sensual. It's demonic. We grow up that way. It is the way that seems right to a man, and
in the end, it's destruction. It's the truth that's really the strategy
of hell to make it all about you. Self-seeking, self-seeking. Seeking everything for yourself. This way. It's not self-seeking when you are seeking
this way. It's self seeking when you need this to fulfill
you because this will never, ever fulfill you. Ever. There is nothing on this planet. Not a girl, not a baby, not drugs, not sex,
not sports, not anything will fill this thing. And not even just your confession. Your confession doesn't fill it. It's full on. Jesus didn't say give me your heart. He didn't say invite me into your heart. He said give me your life. He said every part of you. It would be a very, very bad shame if you
just invited him into your heart but held back your life
from him. It's not just a one-time confession. It is a life surrendered. It is God, I am tired. I am sick and I am tired of living for me. I'm done! You want this thing. I give it to you. Not just this. It's not just, Jesus I invite you into my
heart. It's God, my life is yours. It's full on. Scripture doesn't say just invite him into
your heart. It says confess with your mouth and believe
in your heart. I get it. But do you know that the heart you believe
with is a brand new one? Jeremiah 24 says, I will give them a new heart. A heart to know me. So the heart that you get is positioned to
know him. He gives you a brand new heart to know him. A brand new heart to know him. Oh, that I might know you. The Bible does not say go into the world and
make confessing Christians. It doesn't say that at all. It says go into the world and make disciples. Disciples. A disciple is one that is fully yielded to
its master. Fully, full on. Life should not squeeze you, mold you, and
potter you. You shouldn't be molded by life. Situations and experiences shouldn't mold
you. When I start talking this way, people, they
think about all the hurt and all the people that have
hurt you. Listen, if you're a Christian and you have
a problem with this person and this person, it's not
them. It's you. You're the issue. I'm not saying they didn't do bad stuff. I'm just saying that their bad stuff shouldn't
be able to potter you. See, if you're free from you, then they're
not your issue. Your war is not against people. Your war is against their thinking that's
been established by the demonic strongholds and
spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places that constantly parade about pushing
thoughts. Trying to drill thoughts in here so they can
get you confessing Christianity but living and thinking like hell all the while. It's not just about getting to Heaven. It's about Heaven getting into you. Hitting the mark. Bam! God repossess you. You give yourself full on to this thing. And you aren't backing away. You are going to run with this. That's a warrior. A warrior isn't saying, "Don't disrespect
me." That's life. That's this life. Where you've been pushed around. Your parents have been pushed around, and
you just aren't going to take it anymore. That's gang life. That is who I was. I lived that way my whole life. My whole life. I met that girl. We moved into together. A year and a half in, we have a child. And I couldn't be a dad. I looked at my girl and said there isn't any
way. I don't know what to do. So drugs and alcohol just intensified. Because I couldn't be. That's just the way it is. I'm surviving. Getting mine so it would make me feel better. It's not about getting yours to make you feel
better. It's about Him coming in to make you better. It's about full-on surrender. Him coming in and BOOM, he hits the heart
and you're like, "ah." I'm alive. And all of a sudden, you are like, are you
kidding me? Really? You want to live here? What? It's for real? Every day, I'm thinking from here. Every day, this is the position of my life
and the position of my heart. It's not about people around me hurting me. Man, it's a difference. You don't have to be hurt by people. You can hurt for people. It's enough already. It's enough. It's not about you just getting to Heaven. Because if it's just about you getting to
Heaven, you will look at life at how hard it is, and how
bad it is, and how many people are doing this, and how bad your family is, and how much this,
and you haven't seen this, and all that. And all of a sudden, man, that becomes your
value system. And oh, like, God. You know I love pastors. Matthew 6:31-32
Because when I came out of Teen Challenge, God told me he was stamping Matthew 6:33 on
my forehead. And I've lived by that every day of my life. Ten years. My daughter was born and addiction got horrible. And I told my girlfriend about six months
later because she was going to leave me, I told her if
you leave, I'll kill you. And I'll kill whoever you're with if I catch
you, whoever it is. I was so full of rage. So full of jealousy. So full of anger. I was so mad, all of my doors in my house
had fist holes in them. All of them. I broke my hand on people's heads. I did it all. And what did I gain? Don't "dis" me, man. And what is that? People die because of that every day. So she stayed with me for nine years. My daughter, I tormented her for seven and
a half years. All she knew was that her father is an animal. An animal, a beast. Screaming and raging. Yelling and hollering. My daughter at five years old is watching
Jerry Springer. Jerry, Jerry. I didn't know any better. And you know, not one person in my whole life
came up to me and told me, man, Jesus loves you, bro. Nobody. Nobody. Everybody is so afraid. Scared. Man. Here's my fear. My fear is this. My fear is standing in front of my father
one day and looking at all these people in a line that's
not the line that's going to enter in. But they're there because everyone will stand
before the judgement seat. Everyone. All of us. Everyone. And me looking at people that I could have
spoke up to in my life but I didn't. I fear that. See, our message is not a cruise. We're not just cruising through life. It's not evangelism. It's love! It's being possessed by love. It's being possessed by love itself. What are we doing? What are we thinking? I love that you guys came. I love it. But please, run with me. There's something different here. I see something. And it's going to be found in Matthew 6:33. I promise you. It says don't worry. Don't worry. Don't worry. Don't worry. The birds neither reap nor store away in barns. Yet your heavenly father provides for them. Of how much more value are you than they? It has to do with value. Your value before the father. See, we think we're worthless. See, we gauge our worth on what we've done. But that's not what determines your value
in the gospel. Jesus paid a price to redeem you! Redemption is amazing. God redeems you and places you back in the
garden as if you never ate from the tree. That's redemption. As if you never missed the mark. And then everywhere you go, that's how you
live. Oh my gosh, I've been redeemed, God. Yes, seriously, this is amazing. Father, I thank you. Every day I wake up that way. I have had ten years of Jesus. Ten years. I didn't go to school. Ten years. And I've been possessed for ten years. Just possessed. Possessed. I'm possessed by the truth of what God says
about me. I'm possessed by the spirit of God that wanted
to live in me. I'm possessed by the fact that God saw that
I was of great value. So he sent his son. Matthew 6:33. Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness,
and all these things will be added to you. I'm possessed by the fact that I am right
with God. And my father is for me. He's for me. Man, my heart is burning right now. Burning. It's a flame. Burning. I have a passion for Jesus. I've surrendered. Full on. I will burn and light people on fire. Everywhere I go. Everywhere I go. Everywhere. Because we have it all. If you've said yes to him, have been brought
in to him. He's all good with you. He loves you. The devil hates you. But he wants you to think he's cool. Just a little bit of this and a little bit
of that. Come on, it's alright. God gets it, man, he understands. Hey, it's cool. Come on, God forgives you, man, it's alright. You can sleep with her, it's cool. That's not God. That's not God. That's not grace. That's demonic strategy to get you to incorporate
Jesus in so you can claim the name but not surrender your life. And you will be stomped on from that point. Because the devil is a professional destroyer. So nine years into this thing, she leaves. I come home after a binge, she's gone. I go over to church after I went to a gun
cabinet to shoot myself and opened a phone book. Flipped open to churches I made to check out. I don't even know what was going on. I drove to this church. I don't even know why I'm going there. I do now. Because God was saying to. Let me tell you the danger of Jesus incorporation. Because Jesus incorporation and Jesus surrender
are way different things. So I went to this church and I talked to this
guy. And I saw something in his eyes. It was a blazing inferno. It was love. Like the eyes are the lamp of the body. It's in Matthew 6:22. And if your eye is healthy, your whole body
is full of light. We have the capacity to house light. Jesus says you're the light of the world. My whole life I never saw that ever. I'm not saying I wasn't blind. I was. I am saying no one told me. My whole life. No. So he tells me that since I don't want my
life, why don't I give it away. I'm like, dude, who would want this life? Who would want this life? He said, "Jesus!" Fine, whatever. Whatever. If he wants it, he can have it. Great, I did it. You happy? He didn't say now that wasn't okay. He said, amen. I'm like, I didn't feel nothing. I'm like, alright, man. I left the building. He gave me his number. I drove home. Called my daughter. I said, "Honey," I said, "You got to tell
Mommy something." So Mommy comes to the phone and said, "I hate
you. You're a loser, a liar, and now you're going
to be a hypocrite, too?" No, no, I'm going to be different. I told my daughter I'm so sorry, Daddy will
never do it again. That night I'm out on a crack binge. First night. You say, why? Because there is this thing called surrender
that I never did. I didn't understand the danger of it, see? See, when I talk about my testimony, it's
huge. There's so many things in it. But here's the danger. I had a band. I was a jamming, hard core band. And we were really good. As far as world band stuff goes. We were like trying to get signed, and I had
these guys in my band. They were like totally all about it. But practice was different. They came over to my house; it was in my basement. They came over and I said, guys, guess what?! You're not going to believe this. I said, I gave my life to Jesus. They're like, shut the blank up. Dude, shut up. Don't say that. I'm like, I'm serious. Come on, give me a hit. Partying with my boys. I didn't know any better. It felt weird. I didn't know any better. We're partying, man, hanging out. That night, they're like, the guys are like,
dude, stop talking about Jesus. I'm like, I can't. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. Something happened in me. Inside. There was a seed, and I wanted to tell everybody. But my life, my actions weren't there. I'd become that very thing that I despised
my whole life. A hypocrite. In one day. I'm partying with a drunk band. In practice, they said if you keep talking
that way, dude, we're out. So a few of them were like, later. So they bailed. I mean, we're together for three years. All originals, like, hard core, like awesome. We had it going on. All of sudden, they're leaving. My one buddy, said, "Dude, I'm not going nowhere. I don't believe in Jesus, but I believe in
you." I'm like, come on. Thank you, bro. That's awesome. Come on, let's smoke another one. And we're partying. He came over again. The next time he came, I was out on a binge. I wasn't there. I was out on crack, man. Gone. And I called that guy that I saw in that church
every day when I'd come home. Dude, I did it again. And he never told me the reason I did it was
because this needs cut out of your life, and this,
this, and this. He said, "Todd, you got to see who God says
you are. This is who God says you are." And he kept pouring truth in me. Telling me what Jesus said about me in scripture. But I couldn't read. So a month went by. I am out four or five nights a week. I am the biggest hypocrite. And I'm going to church on Sunday, and the
church knows what's up. They know who I am. Dan knows who I am. There are others who know who I am. Elders, all that. I am screaming loud in church. Singing loud. Jesus! Really loud. To get attention. For people to like me. For my voice. I'm using it. Jesus. Come, on. Jesus, didn't you hear me? It's dangerous. Because I was the front man of the band. See, I don't preach what I preach because
I haven't gone through it. I preach what I preach because God set me
free from it. Freedom. This is the most dangerous place in the world. Get up on the pulpit to preach to impress
people. And then, not be real. Not be the real deal. That stuff will find you out. Satan will snuff you and all your believers. And then all of a sudden, you're cheating
on your wife. Or you're doing drugs on the side. You have a pulpit in the name of Jesus. Then, all of a sudden, all the people that
were looking up to you are now, whatever. It's dangerous. It doesn't have to be that way. Full on surrender. Full on integrity. Full on life without compromise. On fire and ablaze with Jesus. With one purpose. To glorify the name of our king. But I have no idea about any of that stuff
and can never read. So months went by. I'm telling this guy, Bobby, about Jesus. He's a virtuoso musician. He's amazing; one of the best guitar players
I've ever heard in my life. He's got a family; he has a wife, two kids. One of his kids is as old as mine. Mine is 7 and a half. His daughter is three and a half. Beautiful. And he's a good guy. Like a good guy. I'm trying to tell him his need for Jesus. And he sees my life, and my life has no testimony
to bear witness of my words. We don't understand how dangerous it is. I'm trying. Trying. Going to church on Sunday thinking that's
enough. That's not enough. It's not your pastor's job to keep you safe. No. God has set it up so that the word of God
is to teach me, train me. The Holy Spirit is to train me in righteousness. Matthew 6:33: Seek first the kingdom, which
is the Holy Spirit. The kingdom of God is not meat or drink, but
it is righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy
Ghost. Righteousness is my right standing with my
father. I have to understand that I have been right
with God or I will need to look good in front of you so
that I'll feel right to you. Kingdom enables me to walk out righteousness. Kingdom and righteousness marry. Kingdom's authority. Righteousness' character. They marry. And then we look like Jesus. So, five and a half months into this thing,
I go out on my binge. I'm out. Girlfriend follows me out on the town. I lost her
Went down into the city and picked up some kid. Told him I was a cop. Ripped him off. Got the crack in my hand. Told him to get out of the car, you have the
right to remain silent. Anything you say can be used
against you in a court of law. Soon as he gets out, I hit the accelerator
pedal. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. He unloads a 9mm at me from 3 meters away. Right as soon as he left the car door. And a voice filled my vehicle and said, "I
took those bullets for you. Are you ready to live for me
yet?" Not everybody gets that chance! So who would I be to live for me? See, but I didn't know any better. So I went out and smoked all the crack. And every hit I took, that voice killed my
buzz. All night long. I went home and that night freaked out. Looked at my car. No bullet holes. Ridiculous. I knew that was God. And his voice was tormenting on the inside. I thought it was torment, but really it was
freedom. I went away. I left that night. Told them I'm leaving. My girlfriend's glad, "Get out of my life." My daughter's sad. Her only dad. I leave. I go to a place called Teen Challenge. I surrender. I give up. I push all my chips to the center of the table. I say, I'm done. I submit to God. Three days later, I get a phone call at Teen
Challenge. It's my pastor. The guy that was with me from the beginning. He said, "Todd, I need you to sit down." I am sitting down. I'm in the office. What's going on right now? He said, " I need you to promise me don't
leave." I said what happened to my girls? I mean she hates me, but I don't want anything
to happen to her. He said, "It's not them. It's Bobby." Bobby? He's my guitar player. The only one that stood by me. The one that told me the day that I left,
"Dude, listen. You're going to go away for a year
because Teen Challenge is a year; and you're going to find out that Jesus isn't real and
waste a year of your life, man. It's about you. It's about what you can do. Listen, I do not believe in
Jesus, but I believe in you." It's Bobby. My best friend. He had a brain aneurism. I said, "What's that?" He said he was in a coma. No. What? And I ran upstairs freaked out. I mean rage. Went downstairs after about an hour and a
half. And decided I wasn't going to leave. And I dove in. I surrendered. Two months later, I have three encounters
three nights in a row with Jesus in dreams. The third night he tells me to go home. I go home to tell my daughter how sorry I
am. And when I got home, my daughter comes running
across the porch. I tell her I'm not home. I'm out but I'm not living here. My girlfriend comes out of the house, and
I tell her how sorry I was for messing her life up. She says, "I know you are. When you went away, I gave my life to Jesus." Oh, ho. Listen, God's bigger than what you think! He's way bigger! I said I cannot live here. She said, "I know, we need to be married." I said to Dan, we need to plan this. He said, you're not planning anything. You love her, and I know you do. I've been pouring into her as you've been
gone. He'd been pouring righteousness into my family. What it means to have a brand new husband. A brand new man when he comes out. We decided we were getting married on Sunday. In between first and second services. So we get married in between first and second
services. It's ridiculous. Everybody hated it. It wasn't about them. And it wasn't about my big wedding. It was about our big covenant. There's a way that seems right to a man. You'll be with your girl for ten years and
say we don't need to get married; it's a piece of paper. No, no. It's a covenant that you make to where your
wife gets who she is from God, and you get who
you are from God. And you give that to each other. You give God to each other. You become one flesh. One flesh. The day after our marriage, I get this impression,
a strong impression in my heart to go see Bobby. Bobby's in a coma. Best friend. I went up to this place. It's a rest home. He's in there. He's hooked up to life support. He's brain dead. My best friend. I go in, and his wife is in there. I say, "I'm so sorry." And she says, "Sorry for what?" I kept telling him I'm sorry but he's not
waking up, he's not coming out. I don't understand healing; all I know is
that for 30 seconds. 30 seconds, I had sin
consciousness. And I was conscious of all the twisted five
and a half months of hypocrisy that I lived before him. 30 seconds. God spoke to me. He said, my body lives this way. In condemnation. He wiped it from me, and I've been SON conscious
ever since. What happened that day, I'm saying I'm sorry. And she asks sorry for what. I said because I didn't represent Jesus. Jesus? Jesus! Seriously. Look at my husband. You talk about Jesus. Are you kidding me? She walked away. Atheist. Angry. Here I am in front of this best friend. I realize. I brought my daughter with me. And I started singing, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, bro. It's real. I'm sorry, man." He didn't move. He didn't wink at me. Nothing. I went home to my wife. We held each other and my daughter. He died the next day. That marked me. The next day, the wife calls me. She said, "Todd, you were Bobby's only friend." Can you imagine? Having a person at your school; a person that
you worked with; that didn't really talk to anybody
but you. You have an in with them to talk with them? That was who Bobby was. And I was the only one he talked to. I'm the only one that he would ask, confide
in; none of that stuff. I said, Jesus loves you. Come on, man, I don't believe. I believe in you, man. I'm serious. Come on, bro. Now it's over. She said, "Todd we want you to speak at the
funeral because you were the only one who could
talk to him." I'm like, oh my God. Okay. I cried when I got off the phone. I told my wife and she said, "What are you
going to say?" I said I was a hypocrite. God marked in me. Seared my heart. Warrior. For real. I went to that funeral and my buddy's in the
casket behind me. A shell. Because, see, he's not
there. He's not there. And I lived as a hypocrite in front of him,
and I was the only one that could have represented. The only one that had access to him. I'm not saying the only Christian. The only one he would open up to. He was a hermit. See it? He's behind me, and I'm like, oh God. I looked at his kids and said, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't represent Jesus to your
daddy." I watched that little girl say," Daddy wake
up. Daddy wake up." I
said there's only one name under Heaven. I had to tell those kids there's only one
name under Heaven that man can be saved. His name is Jesus, and I did not represent
him, and I am sorry. But it will never happen again. Ever. Ever.
